


Total Shuffled Island

by Fangren



Series: Shuffledverse [1]
Category: Total Drama (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M, Full series AU, Multi, Repost of a completed fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:21:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 205,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25333816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangren/pseuds/Fangren
Summary: Total Drama Island, where it all began. That camp, those challenges, those first twenty-two campers to take on what would become a hit series. But what if those campers - and those who debuted in later seasons - were to be re-ordered, appearances shifted through time and space? What if they were to be... Shuffled?
Relationships: Amy/Rudolph "Lightning" Jackson, Bridgette/Geoff (Total Drama), Dakota Milton/Sam, Dawn/Devon "DJ" Joseph/Sammy (Total Drama)
Series: Shuffledverse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1834813
Comments: 53
Kudos: 21





	1. Not So Happy Campers, Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a repost of my 2014-16 hit series, originally posted on fanfiction.net. I intend to post the entire series here with some revisions; nothing major like the boot order or twists will change, though, I'm just going to clean it up a bit.
> 
> For those of you coming across this AU for the first time, welcome! The conceit of the series is simple: it's a retelling of the original show, except that the cast has been randomized. That's right, every canon contestant (save Blaineley, for reasons I hope are obvious) was randomly reassigned to debut either in TDI, TDWT, TDROTI, or TDPI, keeping the total contestant count and gender balance for each season the same as in canon. Thus, twenty-two became the season one contestants for this AU, two more joined the cast in 'Total Shuffled World Tour', thirteen became the new 'second generation' in 'Total Shuffled Revenge of the Island', and the last fourteen got shunted off to 'Total Shuffled Pahkitew Island'.
> 
> The results were several interesting, wonderful, totally unbalanced in their own unique ways casts. It was a blast to write, to say the least. The series has already been completed on ff.net all the way through Pahkitew Island, and after prompting from a friend I've decided to repost it here on AO3. I haven't yet decided on the frequency with which I will be posting chapters.
> 
> If you're coming in blind, be wary of spoilers – in the tags, in the comments, and especially off-site. The 'Shuffled' series has been complete for nearly four years now, after all.  
> But whether you're a new reader or simply looking to revisit an old favorite, I hope you all enjoy.  
> \- Fangren

The scene faded in to a lovely day on a picturesque body of water; the background filled with rolling, pine-covered hills and scattered clouds. High cliffs edged several of those hills, breathtaking evidence of the winds, waves, and ice that had carved the land for thousands of years. And in the foreground was a wooden dock, worn with use, a telltale sign of habitation.

A man popped onto camera from below. He was a handsome man, in his late twenties or early thirties, with well-styled hair and just the right amount of stubble. He dressed in a casual style suitable for the outdoors, but it was obvious that his clothes were of the highest quality nonetheless.

"Yo!" the man greeted. "We're comin' at you _live_ from Camp Wawanakwa, somewhere in Muskoka, Ontario!" He spoke with great enthusiasm and an appropriate level of gesticulation, and for good reason. "I'm your host, _Chris McLean_ , dropping season one of the hottest new reality show on television, right now!"

A drumline began the background music as the camera switched to a shot of Chris McLean walking down the dock, continuing his explanation of the show. "Here's the deal: twenty-two campers have signed up to spend eight weeks right here at this crummy old summer camp." He reached the end of the dock, stopping next to a sign with the camp's name on it, and appeared to be quite happy with the apparently low quality of Camp Wawanakwa. "They'll compete in challenges against each other, _then_ have to face the judgment of their fellow campers."

The music shifted into something more subdued, suitable for underscoring drama. "Every three days, one team will either win a reward, or watch one of their team members walk down the 'Dock of Shame', take a ride on the 'Loser Boat'," Chris chuckled for a second as a signboard showing a picture of the boat dropped down on ropes, "and _leave_ 'Total Drama Island' for good." The signboard was quickly raised, and Chris mimed a golf swing as the camera switched to a different part of the camp.

The new scene showed a clearing surrounded by large rocks. In the center was a fire pit, with a group of eleven stumps to serve as seating located on the left towards the rocks. To the right was the entrance to the clearing, marked by a tall wooden gate and an upright metal oil drum. There appeared to be a second entrance hidden in the foreground, a staircase carved into the stone.

"Their fate will be decided here," Chris popped back into view, pointing behind him with his thumb, "at the _dramatic_ Campfire Ceremonies," the camera zoomed in on the campfire, and zoomed out to show Chris approaching from the right, "where each week, all but one camper will receive... a marshmallow."

The shot changed to a close-up of untoasted marshmallows skewered on sticks, lying on top of the metal drum-turned-podium. Chris picked one up and ate it. "In the end, only one will be left standing, and will be rewarded," he produced a number of magazines (all the same issue with his own face on the cover), "with cheesy tabloid fame. _And_ _!_ " Chris dropped the magazines off-camera, and held up a prop treasure chest filled with gold coins and other miscellaneous valuables. "A small fortune which, let's face it, they'll probably blow in a week!"

The music picked up again. "To survive, they'll have to battle black flies," the shot switched to a swarm of insects being swiped at by a bear, "grizzly bears," the same bear, now roaring menacingly at the camera, " _disgusting_ camp food," a bowl of what appeared to be some sort of insect larvae, " _and_ , each other." A close-up of Chris McLean, the smiling host once again at the edge of the dock.

The camera faded to more shots of camp, beginning with a picture of a bird feeding its hatchlings; in the nest was an obvious camera, pointed at the parent bird. "Every moment _will_ be caught on one of the hundreds of cameras," an out-of-place totem pole with another camera duct-taped haphazardly to the top, "situated _all_ over the camp." The scene changed back to Chris at the dock. " _Who_ will crumble under the pressure? Find out _here_ ," he double-pointed at the camera, "right now, on," the point-of-view changed to a spot further back, and did so again to punctuate each of the host's last three word. "Total! Drama! Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

"Welcome back to 'Total Drama Island'!" Chris said as the camera faded back to him standing at the dock. "Alright! It's time to meet our _first_ eleven campers." The shot switched to a closer shot of Chris. "We told them they'd all be staying at this five-star resort, _so_ , if they seem a little TO'd, that's probably why."

A boat was shown at the end of the dock briefly, before it sped off and revealed the first camper: a white girl; short, slightly pudgy, and not an ounce of coolness between her side ponytail and her braces. "Beth! What's up!" Chris called from off-screen as the girl ran to him, arms outstretched, leaving her lone piece of luggage where she'd first set it down.

"It's _so_ incredulous to meet you!" Beth lisped as she hugged the host. She dropped after a second, and didn't notice the man brush off his shirt. "Wow, you're much _shorter_ in real life." 'The Wannabe' waved at the camera, blissfully unaware of her faux pas.

"Uhh... _thanks,_ " Chris said. The scene cut to the next camper's arrival. This time, the departing boat revealed a tall, muscular black guy. "DJ!" Chris greeted as the skullcap-wearing teen carried his two duffel bags up the dock.

"Yo, Chris McLean!" DJ shared a high-five with the host. "How's it goin'? Hey you sure you got the right place here?" he asked, looking around the camp uncertainly. "Where's the hot tub at?"

"Yo dawg, this is it, Camp Wawanakwa!" It was hard to tell if DJ was more annoyed by the camp or by Chris' attitude and mannerisms.

"Hmm. Looked a lot different on the application form..." 'The Brickhouse With Heart' mumbled as he carried his luggage up to where Beth was already standing. The scene cut to the next arrival.

"Hey, Dakota!" Chris called to a tall, blonde, white girl dressed almost entirely in pink.

"Dakota here," she told the camera, lifting up her sunglasses as she walked towards the host and other campers. "And I'm here to... win...?" She was distracted from her lines when she noticed the decidedly _non_ -luxury campgrounds. "Uhh, excuse me? Chris? You _can't_ be expecting us to stay _here_ , right? I mean, I've _been_ to five-star resorts, and, like, this isn't even worth _one_ star."

"Technically," Chris countered, " _you'll_ be staying here. _My_ crib is an Airstream with AC." He gestured behind him with his thumb. "And if you'd read your _contract_ , you'd know that we didn't say _anything_ about a resort, five-star or otherwise."

"Hrrm," Dakota pouted, whipping out a cellphone. "I'm gonna tell _Daddy_ about this..."

" _No_ ," Chris countered again, quickly snatching away the girl's phone. "you're not. No outside communication until the end of the season, so I'll be _confiscating_ this."

'The Fame-Monger' could only manage a shocked "What?! No fair!" before being forced to stand with DJ and Beth.

The fourth camper could be seen hanging out the top of the boat, dancing to music. Dressed in a cowboy hat and an unbuttoned pink shirt, the white boy seemed to be having quite a good time. When the boat stopped, he jumped off and landed flawlessly, his suitcase being thrown after him. He gave a thumbs up to the boat, then turned to the host. "Chris McLean! 'Sup, man! It's an honor to meet you, man!"

"The Geoff-ster!" Chris greeted back, bumping fists with the kid. "Welcome to the island, man!"

"Thanks, man!" Geoff replied. 'The Funnest Guy Around' high-fived the host, and went to join the others.

"Hey, you don't have a _cellphone_ , do you?" Dakota asked, sidling up to the party boy and batting her eyelashes.

"Uhh, no, sorry, guess I forgot to bring one," Geoff told the pouting girl, scratching his head and looking genuinely sorry he couldn't help.

"Hey everyone!" Chris called, putting the attention of both the campers and the camera back on him as he announced the next competitor. "It's Sierra!"

The tall, brown-skinned girl that stepped off the boat paused at the end of the dock, leering at the host. She looked like she was about to hyperventilate for a few moments before she suddenly charged, magenta-dyed braid trailing behind her.

"Oh. Em. GEE!" Sierra squealed, tackle-hugging the host. "You're _the_ Chris McLean! This is the greatest day of my _life_!" As she quickly spoke, the music shifted to something more hectic to underline the extreme disease on Chris' face. "I'm like your _biggest_ fan! I've watched _all_ your movies, own _all_ your albums, and I'm even the President of the 'Chris McLean Junior Fan Club'!"

"Uhh, _great,_ " Chris said, trying to push the girl off of him. "Can you, ya know, get _off_ me please?"

"Oh, yeah, huhuhuh," 'The Obsessive Uber-Fan' nodded, giggling as she let go of the host. She quickly grabbed her bags and joined the other campers, giggling and leering the entire time. The other four teens gave her a wide berth.

The sixth camper arrived without an announcement from the host. A tall and handsome young latino, he looked out over his shades and flashed a smile. "Alejandro!" Chris greeted as the contestant approached. "Good to have you!"

"Not as good as it is to _be_ here, I assure you," Alejandro answered, bumping fists with the host and continuing on to the already-arrived campers. "Greetings, amigos! I greatly look forward to getting to know you all." 'The Arch Villain' high-fived Geoff and DJ, and took his place among the group. Beth, Dakota, and even Sierra were still swooning from his smile.

The background music turned harsh as the next contestant arrived, standing at the bow of the ship and scowling. She was a rather masculine white girl dressed in sweats, who tossed down her luggage first and herself second. "Welcome to the island, Jo!" Chris told the scowling young woman.

Jo snorted. "This place is more of a _dump_ than I expected, but it's not like it'll slow me down."

"Yeah, I thought as much," Chris replied with a grin. "Don't worry though, we'll make sure to make things _challenging_ for you."

Jo rolled her eyes, and focused on her competition. Alejandro had already stepped forward to greet her, but 'The Take-No-Prisoners Jock-ette' was having none of it. "Just stay out of my _way_ if you value your kiwis, _got it_?" She kept her bag close, and said nothing else.

The sound of the ship's horn told those at the dock that the next camper would be arriving in an unusual manner. Trailing behind the vehicle on water skis was a tall black kid in a sports jersey. "May I present, Lightning!" Chris announced as the athlete was towed closer to the dock.

In one fluid move, Lightning jumped from water to wood, and struck a pose. "Sha-YEAH!" he crowed, kissing his biceps and catching a duffel bag tossed from the ship. "Now that _this_ piece of gorgeous is here, the rest of you might as well just go home now!" Both Jo and Alejandro narrowed their eyes at 'The Athletic Overachiever', who didn't appear to notice.

The ship came and went, dropping off the next camper. Another white girl, with a personal style similar to a stereotypical librarian. Her orange hair had been secured into a large bun, and skeptical eyes observed every facet of the camp from behind a pair of glasses. "Welcome to camp, Scarlett!" the host said, frowning just a bit when the young woman before him didn't immediately meet his eye.

"Thank you," Scarlett began after a moment, still looking somewhat hesitant about her surroundings. "Am I to assume that the filming location implied during the application process was deliberately misleading? Because while I'm not familiar with the criteria used for rating, these facilities don't appear to be of a particularly high quality, and thus do not fit my preconceived notions of a 'five-star resort'."

"Pretty much!" Chris grinned.

"I see...," Scarlett said, taking another scrutinizing look at both the island and the campers. "It's still within the parameters I predicted for this competition, so I shouldn't have any problems adapting to this environment."

"Uh... _right_...," Chris said, giving 'The Brainiac' an odd look as she walked away. The next camper arrived, and he quickly went back to hosting. "Contestant #9 is Topher!"

"Umm, actually, unless you deliberately didn't count someone, he's the _tenth_ contestant to arrive, not the _ninth_!" Scarlett called from her spot with the other teens.

"Right," Chris deadpanned. " _Thanks_ , Scarlett. Now as I was saying, _this_ is Topher!" He motioned to the white boy looking at him in a way similar to Sierra. The attractive young man's style of dress was quite like that of the host's, if only in color scheme.

"I gotta say, it's an _honor_ to meet you Chris!" Topher said, extending a hand and causing the host to ease up a little. "You're a personal idol of mine, and I've _always_ wanted to watch you work live. You totally _aced_ that figure skating show by the way."

"Thanks man, I _knew_ I rocked that!" Chris, ego boosted, gladly accepted the handshake. "Good to see the producers picked such an intelligent young man for the competition."

"I _saw_ that!" Beth whispered to the other campers. "One of the guys dropped his _partner_ on her _head_! Though they got immunity that week."

"Pfft, how _bad_ were the other contestants if the _clumsy_ guy actually _won_?" Jo scoffed.

"Hey, nice camp by the way!" Topher said, looking around a bit. "I bet you're just gonna put us through the _wringer_ , am I right?"

"Oh, you know it!" Chris smiled, finally sending 'The Junior Chris' on his way. He got to the end of the dock, and immediately locked eyes with a glaring Sierra.

The next camper to arrive, standing on the bow of the boat with a surfboard in hand, was a casually-dressed white girl, blonde hair pulled back into a long ponytail. "Hey! What's up!? She asked as she approached the host, leaning against her board once she came to a stop.

"Alright!" Chris answered, beginning his introduction of the young woman. "Our _surfer_ chick, Bridgette, is here!"

"Hey, nice board!" Jo taunted. "Where do you think we _are_ , Malibu?"

"I thought we were gonna be on a beach!" Bridgette defended.

"We are!" Chris said as the camera cut to a shot of a seagull on one of the camp's garbage-infested beaches.

Bridgette sighed. " _Great_."

"Alright! That makes-" Chris started to say before he was hit on the head by Bridgette's surfboard as she bent over to grab her bag. " _Oww_! Darn it, that _hurt_!" he groaned, rubbing his head as 'The Surfer Girl' walked on obliviously.

"Hey guys," she said once she'd reached the other campers.

"Hey!" answered one young man in particular, purposely separating himself from the rest of the group. "I'm Geoff!"

"What's up?" Bridgette said, turning around and nearly knocking over several campers with her surfboard.

"Jeez, watch the _face_!" Topher said, having just ducked in time.

"Hi, I'm Beth!" the shorter young woman greeted with a smile and a wave.

Bridgette answered with a "Hey!" and another round of near-misses with her board.

"Hello!" Alejandro said quickly, stepping close enough to make the surfer blush. "You may want to stand your board up before you accidentally hurt anybody with it. It would be a shame if anything were to happen to it – or _you_ – would it not?"

"Oh...," Bridgette's blush deepened as she looked into the handsome young man's eyes. "Y-yeah. Sorry about that, guys!" She caught herself before she turned around again.

Another person was dropped off – a short, pudgy white girl with a ribbon in her hair. "Our...," Chris rubbed his head, still recovering from his knock, " _next_ camper is Staci!"

"Oh, wow!" She said, looking around the camp with wide eyes. "This is just like the summer camps my Great-Aunt Mable used to run, yah. She was named 'Best Camp Counselor' in the province seventeen years in a row."

" _Sure_...," Chris told her with an eyebrow raised high.

"And then there was my Great-Great-Great-Great-Uncle Milton," Staci continued as she walked by, "who created the first summer camp. Before him, the only thing kids had to do during the summer was throw _rocks_ at each other, yah."

"Umm...I may not be an expert on the history of seasonal youth activities," Scarlett objected, "but I'm certain her statements are incorrect." She looked to the other campers to back her up, but they just gave her indifferent shrugs. Regardless, 'The Compulsive Liar' hadn't noticed Scarlett's comment.

The next camper's arrival was heralded by the sound of his beatboxing. Standing on board the ship was a black boy with a large belly and an even larger amount of hair. His pants were held up by suspenders, and his shirt was slightly dirty.

"Yo, Beardo!" Chris said as the teen stepped off the boat.

As Beardo walked up the dock, he imitated the sound of a trumpet fanfare. "Yo!" he said back, giving the host a high five before continuing his own music. 'The Human Soundboard' ended the fanfare once he reached the other campers. He gave them a shy sort of smile and wave, but didn't receive any immediate reply. He lost his smile and started to walk to the side, imitating a chirping cricket as he went.

"Wow, you're really _good_ at that!" an amazed Beth told him.

"Yeah man, you should totally, like, do that at parties!" Geoff added.

Beardo smiled again. "Thanks."

The boat came and went, this time dropping off two contestants – a pair of near-identical white girls in cheerleader uniforms. The one who had stepped off the boat first had a small beauty mark on her right cheek and a scowl on her face; the second twin looked rather dejected and seemed to be carrying both of their luggage.

"Ladies!" Chris greeted as he approached the pair. "Amy, Samey! Welcome to your new home for eight weeks!"

"Uhhh, it's... _Sammy?_ " The luggage-toting twin corrected meekly.

"Amy says _everyone_ calls you Samey," the host countered. "What with you being the _second_ twin and all."

"Well, yes, but my _real_ -" Sammy tried to explain, earning her both a glare from her sister and annoyance from the host.

"You're _officially_ Samey," Chris said, putting his metaphorical foot down.

"Try not to _embarrass me_ anymore than you already have, _Samey,_ " Amy hissed at her sister as she set off down the dock. "It's bad enough that I have to _live_ in this _disgusting_ summer camp without _you_ making everything _worse_." Sammy sighed, and 'The Cheerleader Twins' joined the rest of the cast.

The next camper to be dropped off was a scruffy white boy who looked to be dressed for colder weather, between his jeans, hoodie sweatshirt, and toque.

"Ezekiel!" Chris said, having regained his pleasantness and extended a hand for a high five. "What's up, man?"

The scruffy boy promptly looked up. "I think I see a bird?" A few of the other contestants chuckled at his obliviousness.

"You know, it was my Uncle Larry who first asked 'What's up?'" Staci said unsolicited. "Before him, people didn't have an easy way to ask each other how things were going in their lives, yah."

Chris put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Look, dude. I know you don't get out much," he counseled. "Been homeschooled your whole life", Ezekiel nodded happily, "raised by freaky prairie people. Just don't say much, and try not to get kicked off too early. Okay?" He finally allowed Ezekiel to pass.

"Yes, sir!" 'The Home Schooled Guy' answered, walking awkwardly to join his fellow campers. He was met by a series of odd looks.

The young man who arrived next was easily the largest contestant in the group, if not in height then definitely in weight. The black teen wore a long trenchcoat over a hoodie and shorts, complemented by a backwards baseball cap and pierced ears.

"B!" Chris greeted. "The B-man! Silent B!" The two exchanged a few friendly points and a fist bump before 'The Strong Silent Genius' went on his way. True to his moniker he said nothing, merely giving the other campers a smirk, or a high five, or similar.

The boat lingered for longer than usual as the next contestant was apparently slow to get off. Like many others he'd been standing on the bow of the ship, and the large curly-haired white boy's attention seemed to be solely on the portable console in his hands. "Yeah!" he said in a gruff voice amidst the various sound effects of his game. "Finally got that super speed! Better get moving before it runs out..."

"Ahem?" Chris called from the end of the dock; he was acknowledged by the gamer. "Sam! You can come _down_ now!" The host's raised voice finally got the young man's attention.

"Oh, huhuh, sorry about that," Sam said as he finally disembarked. "Good to be here though, it looks _great_!"

"Yeah, I'm sure it does," Chris said with a rekindled smile. "But I'm afraid I'm gonna have to confiscate that game thing you've got." The host snatched the device as swiftly as he'd taken Dakota's cellphone.

"Hey!" Sam protested. "I was just about to reach a save point!"

"Too bad," Chris replied, tucking the console into a pocket. "The rules clearly state that _no_ electronic gaming devices are allowed on the island."

"Aww man...," 'The Nice-Guy Gamer' groaned, slumping off with luggage in hand.

As Chris watched the dejected teen walk off, he completely missed the next arrival until she tapped on his shoulder. "Gah!" Chris started, whipping around to see who had surprised him. It was a pale and petite white girl, with long blonde hair and an odd look in her eyes. "Oh. Right. Dawn," Chris said, his introduction tinged with annoyance.

"Greetings!" Dawn replied with a small wave of her fingers. She began to edge around the host, keeping her distance for reasons known only to her. "You, uh, you _may_ want to schedule an appointment with a therapist. I can tell you have a _lot_ of unresolved childhood issues."

" _Excuse me_?" Chris said in barely-contained outrage. "Hey, I don't care _what_ you've heard, it isn't _true_ , got it?" Dawn neither flinched nor changed her odd, piercing gaze. "Just...just go stand with the other campers, okay?" The host finally ordered.

'The Moonchild' gave most of the campers as wide a berth as she'd given the host, eventually taking a spot near B and Sam. She didn't seem to notice the odd looks several campers gave her.

"That aside," Chris said, getting back into his groove, "here comes Scott!" The young man in question was a redheaded white boy wearing a grungy tank top. He sneered as he jumped off the boat, and spit into the lake. He ignored Chris' look of disgust and walked right past him.

"Hmph," Scott snorted once he'd gotten a look at the other contestants. "None of you look too _tough_."

"You wanna say that _again_?" Jo said harshly, stepping up to the freckled young man and brandishing a fist.

"Whoa, chill out!" Geoff said quickly as he and DJ held the aggressive young woman back.

'The Devious' snorted again, and joined the crowd.

A country tune was played over the next competitor's arrival. She was a large white girl whose hair rivaled her hips in girth and as she walked up the docks she smiled and waved, first to the camera, then to the host. "This," Chris introduced, "is Sugar."

"Howdy y'all!" Sugar said in an accent hailing from the southern United States. "I sure am _excited_ to be on this here island! I just can't _wait_ to see what everyone here can do!"

"Glad to hear it Sugar!" Chris smiled as 'The Pageant Queen' took her place among the others. She shot Dakota a dirty look as soon as she noticed the pretty rich girl, though the heiress didn't notice her back.

"And last but not least, Shawn!" The host announced the final camper, a shaggy-haired, vest-wearing white boy who looked unnecessarily on-edge. His eyes quickly darted about the area before he took a leap off the bow of the ship, doing a complete flip before landing in a crouch on the edge of the dock.

"Hey man, you seen any zombies around here lately?" he rolled forward and asked the host, still scanning the unfamiliar surroundings.

"...No?" Chris answered, taken just a bit off his guard by the teen's question.

"Hmm...," Shawn said, peering first off into the distance, and then into the depths of the lake. "Well, zombies can't swim, so we _should_ be safe here for now. I'm not gonna let my _guard_ down though. No _way_ am I gonna let _my_ brain get eaten!"

"Umm, _yeah,_ " Chris told 'The Zombie Conspiracy Nut', for lack of a better answer.

"Speakin' of eatin'," Sugar piped up, "when are we gonna have lunch?"

"First thing's first!" Chris explained, happy to get back on track. "We need a group photo for the promos. Everyone, on the _end_ of the dock!" He waved the twenty-two campers over before taking out a camera and jumping up to the bow of the ship.

The teens arranged themselves into three loose rows facing the camera. At the very center of the group was the largest camper, B. He was flanked on his right by a grinning Sugar, confident Scarlett, and a smirking Scott leaning on an annoyed Jo's shoulder. To B's left, towards the water, were a posing Topher, waving Staci, uneasy Dawn, and Shawn who seemed to have become somewhat comfortable.

The front row had Amy and Sammy kneeling in the middle, the older twin already looking like she wanted to leave while the younger twin actually smiled. To Sammy's right, on the inland side, were a lounging Dakota and a chill Bridgette. Past Amy were Ezekiel and Beth, leaning against each other and smiling happily.

The last seven campers stood in the back row, all of them large enough to be seen over the rest. Closest to the lake was Sam, hands noticeably empty but smiling anyway. Next to the gamer was a grinning Geoff, followed by a waving DJ. Leaning forward with an arm around B was Alejandro, showing his charm, followed by a flexing Lightning. Next to the jock was Sierra, who was giving the host a creepy look. At the end stood Beardo, who had grabbed a large pair of headphones from his bags and was pressing them against his ear, shooting the world a confident smile.

"Okay!" Chris called out. "One! Two! Thre-," he paused a moment, "oops!" The group's smiles faded. "Okay, forgot the lens cap!" the host explained, pressing the button to remove said cap. "Okay, hold that pose! One, tw-" The campers kept their smiles on through the second interruption. "Oh! No wait! Card's full! Hang on..."

"Hurry _up_ already!" Amy shouted. "My _knees_ are getting sore."

"Got it!" Chris announced at last. "Okay! Everyone say, _Wawanakwa_!"

" _Wawanakwa_!" The campers cried as one, before the planks of the dock cracked and fell apart. The camera cut to a series of photo showing the campers in the lake, trying not to drown.

"Okay guys, dry off and meet at the campfire pit in ten!" Chris said, perfectly dry on top of the boat.

/

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

/

The camera zoomed outward from a shot of Chris standing behind the campfire pit facing away until all twenty-two campers were in the shot. Amy, Sammy, Ezekiel, Dawn, and Scarlett sat on the front row of stumps with DJ, Beth, and Jo standing among them. The back row of seats were taken by Dakota, Bridgette, Scott, Sugar, Topher, and Staci. The rest of the campers – Geoff, Sierra, Lightning, Shawn, Sam, Beardo, Alejandro, and B – stood behind the stumps.

" _This_ is Camp Wawanakwa, your home for the next eight weeks!" Chris began. "The campers sitting around you will be your cabinmates, your competition, and maybe even your friends, ya dig?" The camera cut to shots of a few groups of campers during the exposition. "The camper who manages to stay on 'Total Drama Island' the longest, without getting voted off, will win one-hundred- _thousand_ dollars!" The music became triumphant for just a moment while the prize was announced.

"Umm, Chris?" Topher asked. "What's the sleeping situation gonna be?"

"Eww, they're not gonna be _co-ed_ are they?" Amy added, shooting sideways glances towards some of the less attractive young men around her.

"Nope!" Chris answered. "Girls get one side of each cabin, and dudes get the other."

"So, like, I'm gonna get my own room, right?" Dakota interrupted. "Because, I mean, I _am_ the cutest one here."

"Sorry," Chris said with an unapologetic shake of his head, "but that's not really how it _works_ here."

Sammy looked ready to say something before she caught her sister's glare.

"Heehee, I hope I get the cabin closest to _Chris_..," Sierra said, not taking her eyes off the host.

" _That's_ pretty messed up," DJ told Geoff under his breath.

"Here's the deal!" Chris said, drawing the attention of both camera and cast. "We're gonna split you into two teams. If I call your name out, go stand over there." He pointed to a spot off-camera, and the view switched to show each contestant's reaction to their name being called and moving to the assigned spot.

"Jo, Shawn, DJ, Topher, Staci, Beth, Dawn, Amy, Beardo, Alejandro, and, Samey!" The camera cut back to the host, who tossed a rolled-up green banner to Beardo. "From this moment on, you are _officially_ known _as_ ," a guitar riff was played as the banner unfurled, revealing the silhouette of a gopher in a fighting stance. "The 'Screaming Gophers'!"

Beardo looked down at the image and smiled. He thought for a second, then imitated the squeaks and chirps of a gopher – as close to screaming as they ever got.

Sammy, next to her thoroughly unimpressed twin, let loose a sigh of resignation.

"The rest of you, over here!" Chris beckoned the remaining campers. Once again, the camera cut to each camper as they were named. "Geoff, Bridgette, Lightning, Sierra, B, Scott, Scarlett, Ezekiel, Dakota, Sam, and Sugar!" he listed. " _Move_! _Move move move_!"

As the camera focused on the new team, Chris threw a salmon-colored banner to Lightning. " _You guys_ will officially be known as," a more orchestral riff was played for the second unveiling, showing the emblem of an angry fish. "The 'Killer Bass'!"

"Sa- _weet_!" Lightning exclaimed.

"Alright campers!" The music picked up as the camera switch back to the host. "You and your team will be on camera in _all_ public areas during this competition." The scene transitioned via static to Chris sitting in what appeared to be a large outhouse. There was a skull and crossbones carved into the back wall, and a few flies buzzing around. "You will also be able to share your innermost thoughts on tape with video diaries, anytime you want. Let the audience know what you're _really_ thinking." He winked. " _Or_ , just get something off your chest!" Another bout of static signaled the transition to the first confessionals of the series.

xxx

Scott was first, arms folded as he looked around the small room. He snorted. " _Please_ , this place ain't so bad! Bunch a' _babies_ we've got here." He smirked. "Just makes it _easier_ for me to win."

xxx

More static, then another brief confessional – Dakota this time, and the blonde was smiling. "Hey everyone! Just wanted to say th-" She noticed a fly on her arm, and shrieked. Another cut to static.

xxx

The third 'confessional' was of a common loon that had somehow made its way into the outhouse. Inexplicably, it was applying pink lipstick to the end of its bill.

xxx

Sugar's confessional was shown fourth. "I just wanted to let y'all know that I'm playin' this game to _win,_ " she smiled. "And since I got both beauty, talent, _and_ brains, there's no _way_ I can lose!"

xxx

One final bit of static preceded the cut back to a shot of Chris from between the campers' legs. "Alright! Any questions?" The host didn't bother to pause for very long. "Cool! Let's find your cabins!"

The scene changed to a shot of two cabins sitting roughly perpendicular to each other, each with two doors and a railed-in porch in front. Chris entered view from the lower left with his back turned, and arm extended towards the cabins. "Gophers, you're in the east cabin," he turned around and pointed a thumb over his shoulder, "and Bass, you're in the west."

/

The viewpoint switched again to a close-up of a cabin door as it was opened from the outside, showing the layout of the room. A large circular rug lay in the center of the room, and on the back wall was a window and small stool. Both the rug and the curtains lining the window looked shabby and moth-eaten.

On either side of the room were bunk beds; two sets along the right wall, one on the left next to a potbellied stove. "Uggh, _bunk beds_? Figures. How much more _summer camp_ could they _get_?" The camera switched to a side view of Amy entering the girls' side of the Gophers' cabin. A pile of wood sat below a small front window, and between the stove and a few coat hooks in the corner was a dresser and large mirror. An oil lamp rested on top of the dresser, unlit.

"Well," Sammy answered, entering the room carrying both twins' suitcases, "you know, it _is_ a summer camp."

"Nobody _cares_ , Samey!" Amy yelled back.

"Hello, _ladies_!" Alejandro greeted from the doorway. He flashed a smile at the twins and the recently-arrived Staci, all of whom swooned. "I just wanted to make sure none of you needed help with anything."

He was forcefully shoved aside by Jo. "Get back on your _own_ side, Alejandro!"

"Very well then, I apologize for the intrusion." The camera cut to the young man exiting to the cabin's porch, while Chris approached the cabin. "Excuse me, but where are the electrical outlets?" Alejandro asked. "I have a few things that need to be plugged in, as do the _others_ no doubt."

The camera zoomed in on Chris's smiling face. "There are some in the _communal_ bathrooms, just across the way." It cut again to an exterior of the bathroom building.

" _Communal_?" Alejandro said from off-camera. "You _can't_ be _serious_!"

"'Fraid so, man!" Chris said, the camera showing his close-up again. "Have fun _sharing_!"

"Wait, _what_?" Topher said, sticking his head out of the cabin door and dashing out to the porch. "You're not even giving us private _toilets_? How am I supposed to sculpt this beautiful face and hair each morning if I have to do it around everyone _else_?" He gripped his face in panic.

"I feel your pain," Alejandro told him, putting a hand on his shoulder as the handsome pair mourned for their bathroom privacy.

The view shifted to Beardo, DJ, and Shawn taking a look outside of their door at the commotion outside and the sounds of a growing argument in the girls' side. Beardo smirked and imitated the sound of two cats fighting.

"Hah, you said it dude," DJ chuckled. "I'm glad at least the three of _us_ are cool with the sleepin' arrangements."

"Are you _kidding_?" Shawn objected. "No _way_ am I sleeping in a cabin with a bunch of other people! I mean _sure_ , I'll keep all my non-essential _stuff_ in here, but I'm _not_ gonna leave myself open to a _zombie_ attack by sleeping _indoors_."

The two black teens shared a look of confusion. "So, uh, where _are_ you gonna sleep?" DJ asked.

"In a tree, _obviously_ ," Shawn answered, stepping out into the common area and looking at the forest. "I mean, _everyone knows_ that zombies can't climb, sheesh!" His roommates shared another look.

The camera went back to the host, who was also giving Shawn an odd look. "Excuse me, Chris?" Geoff asked from off-camera. Chris turned his head, and the camera cut to the party boy standing on the porch of the Bass' cabin, just as Bridgette was entering the girls' side. "Is there a... _chaperone_ of any kind in this facility?"

"You're all sixteen years old," the host said as the camera showed a close-up of him looking around, "as old as a councilor-in-training at a regular summer camp." He shrugged. "So, other than _myself_ , you'll be unsupervised. You've got a half-an-hour to unpack and meet me at the Main Lodge! Starting..," he looked at his watch, "Now!"

" _Nice_!" Geoff exclaimed.

The view switched from him to Alejandro and Topher outside the Gopher cabin, then to Bridgette, Lightning, and Scott outside the Bass cabin as a piercing shriek filled the air, and finally to a shot from inside the cabin as Alejandro, Topher, Jo, Lightning, DJ, Dawn, and Beth peered inside.

"Is there a problem, chicas?" Alejandro asked as the camera switched to show Amy standing on the stool, cowering from a single cockroach.

" _Kill_ it, Samey, hurry up!" she shouted to her sister, who sat on one of the top bunks. DJ gasped at the sight of the tiny insect, then shrieked and jumped onto the bed below Sammy – the impact caused it to break, and the nice twin to sigh.

The viewpoint shifted to floor-level as the cockroach scurried around the room, deftly dodging several feet and sending campers screaming. "Oh, no!" Dawn cried, quickly darting between the other campers and scooping up the cockroach just before Jo's foot came stomping down. The commotion stopped once the teens realized the roach had disappeared.

"It's _okay_ , little one," Dawn whispered to the insect cupped in her hands. "I know you meant no harm. I'll take you somewhere _safer_ , alright?" The blonde, oblivious to the looks she was getting, left the cabin.

"Well, _that_ was sha- _weird_!" Lightning said, breaking the awkward silence.

" _Eww_ ," Amy shuddered as she finally stepped down from the stool, "she'd _better_ not think that's her _pet_ or something." She looked over at the broken bunk and sheepish DJ still on it. "Oh, and Samey? I changed my mind, I'll let _you_ have the bottom bunk."

"Sorry about that," DJ told the girl on the bed above him.

Sammy sighed. "It's fine..."

/

The scene transitioned via flash to the outside of another building. A military drumline started up as the camera cut to inside the building, where the queued-up campers were being addressed by a hulking black man in a chef's hat and apron. "Listen up! I _serve_ it three times a day, and you will _eat_ it three times a day! Grab your tray, get your _food_ , and sit your butts down _NOW_!" The dishes behind him rattled when he finished.

"Excuse me," Beth asked from the front of the line, "will we be getting all the major food groups?" The camera switched to a view of the Chef putting a scoop of some manner of reddish-brown meat-like substance onto a bun on Beth's tray. She and Scarlett took their filled trays, and the shot changed to an extreme close-up of the Chef's left eye.

"I'll second that question," Scarlett added off-camera. "A deficiency in any of the essential nutrients could impact our health, and thus our ability to compete. Therefore, we should prioritize getting a balanced diet." The Chef's eye twitched.

"You'll be getting' a load of _SHUT THE HECK_ _UP_ _!_ " The Chef yelled, and the two young women backed away quickly.

"Huhuh, that guy needs to find a chill pill upgrade, right?" Sam chuckled to Ezekiel.

"What was that, _tubby_?" The Chef called out, beckoning the pair forward with one finger. "I didn't _hear_ you."

"Uh, nothing, sir!" Sam panicked, taking his food and leaving.

"I'm _sure,_ " the Chef glared as Ezekiel stepped forward and grabbed a tray of food. "You! Homeschooled kid! Gimme your plate!" Ezekiel stopped and allowed the Chef to dole out another scoop of the mystery meat-like substance onto his plate; it somehow clung back to the scoop, and the Chef had to throw it down a second time with more force.

"You know, it was my Great-Great-Great-Grandfather Hector who _invented_ camp food," Staci blathered as she and Jo, the next two in line, went to get their meals. "Before him, campers had to forage in the woods for nuts and berries, yah. And then there was my Great-Great-Great-Great-Aunt Becky, who came up with the idea of lunch lines. Before that, people had to eat from one giant bowl."

"Would you shut _up_ already!" Jo barked as she stormed past her teammate.

" _NEXT_ _!_ " the Chef yelled.

/

A flash marked the transition to a close-up of the meat-like-substance-on-a-bun on Dakota's tray. "Umm, excuse me, but what _is_ this? My nutritionist has me on a _very_ strict diet, and I want to know if I can actually _eat_ this or not."

"That's _probably_ not the best thing to ask," Shawn told her as the camera showed a glaring Chef catch and kill a fly with one hand.

" _Right_..." Dakota agreed, scampering off and leaving Shawn as the sole camper left in line.

"Sorry, but has this food been tested for any viruses? I don't want my first meal here to turn me into a brain-eating monster, or worse, get up and try to _eat_ _me_ ," the scruffy teen asked. The Chef just stared at him and smashed the wiggling product with a meat hammer, not so much as blinking at it splattered both of them. "Right. I'll just _go_ now," Shawn quivered.

/

Another flash and the scene changed to a slow pan over the campers eating their lunches; the Bass sitting at the table closer to the kitchen, and the Gophers nearer to the door. One of the meat-like-substances-on-a-bun was shown crawling across the floor between tables, though nobody seemed to notice it.

The pan ended as Chris entered the lodge by the main door. "Welcome the the Main Lodge!" he announced.

"Yo, my man! Can we order a pizza?" an unimpressed Geoff asked from the Bass table. The camera showed a cleaver flying through the air and embedding itself into the wall near Chris.

"Whoa! It's _cool_ , G! Brown slop is _cool_ , heh heh." Geoff quickly apologized to a knife-wielding Chef. "Rights guys?"

The other campers nodded nervously.

"Your first challenge begins," Chris announced, the camera back on his face. He turned around to exit, and held up a single finger. "In _one_ hour!"

"I wonder what we'll have to do?" Sammy asked.

"It's our first challenge," DJ answered from the seat next to her, "how hard can it be?"

The scene cut to roughly an hour later via a quick-pan to the top of a cliff. The campers were standing at the edge in their swimsuits, looking over the edge; DJ was prominent among them. The camera zoomed out twice, each transition punctuated by suitably dramatic spike in the music. The cliff the campers were standing on was incredibly large, easily the tallest in the area.

"Oh, _shit_." DJ said, now just part of a blurry haze at the very top.

xxx

(Fade to Preview)

"Next time, on Total Drama Island!" Chris said in a zoomed-out shot from the dock.

The camera cut to the full view of the cliff with the host providing a voice-over. "Your first task is to _jump_ off this one-thousand-foot-high cliff, _in_ to the lake." The scene cut to the confessional with the standard static in-between.

xxx

"I'm lookin' at this guy and thinkin'," Geoff said, "there's no _way_ he's gonna make it."

xxx

"For a moment there I thought," Jo said in the next confessional, "if he does this? He's gonna frickin' _die_!"

xxx

The scene cut to a bare-chested Sam walking away from the camera. " _Ohhh_ man I'm gonna die. I'm gonna _die_ , and I haven't even reached the final level of 'Cave Conquerors 2'," he lamented. The camera cut to two sharks swimming along the surface of the lake, teeth bared, and then to a view beneath Sam's screaming plunge off the cliff. Geoff, Bridgette, and Sugar winced at the sound of a large splash.

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say right now; the writing style I used for this series exists in an odd place between 'odd' and 'well-suited' for me, and I don't know if it's simply because of me coming back to it after several years or not. Things are also quite similar to how they went in canon, though that's a much more deliberate choice on my part – the further the series progresses, the more different things will become.
> 
> Also, a note on the cast's monikers: as I'm sure you've noticed, I changed several of them from what they were in canon in order to better fit the AU. One in particular I'd like to mention is Geoff's; he's known as 'The Funniest Guy Around' in canon, but I modified that to 'Funnest' as it suits him better. It's a minor change that I think people have probably overlooked, especially based on the series' TVTropes pages.
> 
> Anyway, let me know what you thought of the series, and I'll see you all next time!
> 
> \- Fangren


	2. Not So Happy Campers, Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want a reminder, the teams are as follows:
> 
> Killer Bass \- B, Bridgette, Dakota, Ezekiel, Geoff, Lightning, Sam, Scarlett, Scott, Sierra, Sugar
> 
> Screaming Gophers – Alejandro, Amy, Beardo, Beth, Dawn, DJ, Jo, Sammy, Shawn, Staci, Topher
> 
> \- Fangren

The episode opened with the same distance shot of Chris at the dock used for the preview at the end of the previous episode. "Last time, on Total Drama Island!" The camera cut to a shot of all twenty-two campers at the campfire pit, awaiting their team assignments, then to parts of the scene at the Gopher girls' cabin, and finally lunch with the hulking Chef. "Twenty-two campers have signed up to spend eight weeks _right here_ at this crummy old summer camp, _then_ have to face the judgment of their fellow campers."

"It's our first challenge, how hard can it be?" The clip of DJ eating with his team was shown again, followed by a dramatic switch to the cliff.

"Oh, _shit_."

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

[Several shots of the lights and cameras hidden around camp popping out and turning on, often at the expense of the wildlife. A cue card marks a transition to a fly-by shot starting at the docks and 'Wawanakwa' sign, past the camp facilities, and over the top of the host drinking coffee in a director's chair just as the lyrics start.]

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

[The camera flies through the trees and up to the largest cliff, peeking over to see two rings of buoys laid out in the water.]

_You guys are on my mind!_

[The camera dives off the cliff and into an underwater shot; DJ is shown in a barely-fitting life jacket and swim trunks. He spots a shark and screams, swimming upwards just as a fishing line hooks his life jacket.]

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

[A cut to the surface, where B is sitting in a modified canoe. As he tinkers with a motorized fishing rod, DJ surfaces and grabs the side of the canoe; the mechanism malfunctions and tears the life jacket off, flinging it high into the sky.]

_I wanna be... famous!_

[The life jacket hangs in front of the sun for a moment before coming back down into the woods. The camera pans down to Dawn meditating on a stump and surrounded by small woodland animals; the life jacket hits her in the head, knocking her over and scattering the wildlife. The camera zooms out to show Scott watching the scene and laughing, and then again to show Scarlett raising an eyebrow, then writing something in a notebook.]

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

[The camera zooms to another part of camp, showing Sierra and Topher sitting in an inflatable raft and about to go over a waterfall. Too busy slap-fighting, they notice too late and scream as they go over the edge.]

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

[The shot pans down to the bottom of the waterfall, showing Alejandro standing on a broken log suspended between two rocks. Too busy balancing on one hand, he misses Sierra and Topher falling behind him. Shawn, shooting fearful looks behind him, runs into view and collides with Alejandro, sending both flying off to the left of the camera.]

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

[The camera rapidly pans to follow Shawn and Alejandro, and they eventually slam into the outhouse confessional. The impact causes Sugar to fly out the door, and the camera pans over to the Main Lodge – Chef's silhouette is visible in the window.]

_I'll get there one day._

[The camera moves in past the window to show a smirking Chef, arm deep in a large pot of something sickly green. He looks behind him to where Beardo and Beth are sitting, both tied up. The two share a nervous glance.]

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

[The camera pans left to show Jo and Lightning arm-wrestling. Jo points at something behind Lightning, distracting him long enough for her to win. The camera zooms out past another window to show the edge of the docks. Amy backhands a gabbing Staci, then pushes over Sammy as the nicer twin bends down to pick up a shell.]

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[A pan down the docks show Sam happily playing a portable console. A furry hand taps him on the shoulder, distracting the gamer and allowing the arm to snatch away the console. Sam realizes what's happened, and rushes angrily at the large hairy ape-man now playing the game.

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[Dakota moves the camera onto herself, and kisses the lens. She waves as a man quickly wipes away the smudge, then types something into her cellphone. Moments later, five other men appear on the docks with cameras, snapping pictures of a rapidly-posing Dakota.]

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

[The photoshoot is interrupted by a splash of water; the camera pans right to show an annoyed Chris standing on a boat and holding an empty bucket. The reflection of light on the bucket become stars in the night sky as the scene transitions, panning down to reveal Bridgette and Geoff sitting at a campfire in front of a large full moon. They lean in for a kiss but are interrupted by Ezekiel's sudden appearance between then, an arm around both of them and an oblivious smile. The shot zooms out to show the other campers also sitting around the fire and whistling the last few notes of the theme song as Chris watches.]

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

A shot of the entire cliff was shown before changing to the group of campers overlooking the edge. "Okay!" Chris announced as the camera panned left to show him standing next to a crate as well as the other campers. "Today's challenge is threefold! Your first task is to _jump_ off this one-thousand-foot high cliff, _in_ to the lake."

"Piece of cake," Bridgette said with confidence.

"If you look down, you will see _two_ target areas," Chris continued off-screen, prompting Bridgette (and Lightning, who was in the shot with her) to look down at the water. The view switched to a top-down shot of the water below, showing a large semi-circle of buoys a the base of the cliff which enclosed a much smaller floating ring. "The wider area represents the part of the lake that we have stocked with," a trio of dorsal fins were shown circling at the surface of the lake, " _psychotic_ ," Chris chuckled as one of the fish jumped out of the water to snap at nothing, "man-eating _sharks_!"

Several shots of the campers looking down at the danger that waited them were shown as Chris continued to explain the challenge – first Geoff and Alejandro, "Inside that area is a _safe zone_ ," then DJ, " _that's_ your target area," Ezekiel, Jo, and Shawn, " _which_ we're pretty sure is _shark-free_!"

"Umm, can you say that again?" Sammy asked nervously. The camera cut back to a smiling Chris, who ignored her and continued speaking.

"For each member of your team that jumps and actually... _survives_ , there will be a crate of supplies waiting below." The camera quick-panned to two stacks of crates already piled on the beach. "Inside each crate are supplies that _you'll_ need for the second part of the challenge... _building_ a hot tub!" The shot changed to a close-up of the object in question, zooming out to reveal it in its entirety and accompanied by a jingle reminiscent of a game show. The camera cut back to the grinning host. "The team with the best one gets to have a _wicked_ hot tub party tonight!" Chris pointed at the camera.

The view changed to a lonely pair of suitcases sitting on the edge of the dock at sunset. "The _losers_ ," the music turned slightly sinister, "will be sending someone home." The shot changed back to Chris once more. "Let's see... Screaming Gophers! You're up _first_!"

The view changed to a shot from below of Shawn looking down at the water. "Oh _man_ that's a long drop! So, uh, who wants go go first?"

Crickets were played over shots of both teams as nobody made moves to volunteer. "It can't be _that_ bad, right?" Bridgette said from among the Bass. "I mean, these shows make the interns test everything beforehand, right?"

/

A ripple effect signaled the transition to footage of Chris and Chef at the top of the cliff, the larger man sporting purple board shorts and an orange swim tube. "We _need_ to test the stunts first!" Chris exclaimed. "You _know_ that!"

"Do _I_ look like an _intern_?" Chef asked in a close-up.

" _No_ ," the host replied as the camera switched to him, "but the ones we _had_ are all in the _hospital_. Come on just jump it you big _chicken_!" He made a few clucking noises.

"I don't get paid enough for this man..." Chef said, snapping his swim goggles over his eyes. He hopped off the cliff, and screamed all the way down.

The buoys of the target area were shown, before the camera quickly panned left to where Chef landed, well outside the smaller circle. "Hey! I made it!" Chef panted once he'd surfaced. "I made it man!" The view switched again, this time showing Chef's legs dangling below the surface of the lake from the point-of-view of something approaching the large man. The background music took a foreboding tone as the shot switched back to a close-up of Chef. "Somethin' just brushed by my foot!" he said in a panic, whipping around to try and catch a glimpse of what lurked beneath the waves. The shot zoomed out to show a shark fin swimming just behind Chef. "Hey Chris, man! Somethin' ain't _right_ down here!"

He briefly disappeared below the water before jumping clear out of it, swimming away and yelling unintelligibly as a shark chased him.

The camera cut back to Chris at the top of the cliff, writing something on a clipboard. "Well! _That_ seems safe enough." He walked away, and the scene rippled back to the present challenge.

/

"So, which one of you is going _first_?" Jo barked at her teammates.

Amy immediately raised her hand. "Samey will!" she said, shooting a vicious look at her twin. "After all, she _is_ the most _expendable_."

"I'm wha-!" Sammy started to object, but she was already too close to the edge of the cliff – she was shoved off by her sister, who watched Sammy fall before jumping off after.

Miraculously, Sammy landed screaming but well within the inner circle. "Oh em _gee_ , I _did it_!" she exclaimed once she'd realized her own safety.

"Break my fall!" The younger twin's happiness evaporated as she heard Amy calling from above. Sammy only had time to look above her before Amy landed right on top. "Oh, _sorry,_ " Amy said without meaning a single word. "And hey, looks like you're not even good at being _bait_ , sis!" As the boat came to pick them up, the camera cut back to the top of the cliff.

"Well then," Alejandro said as he looked over the cliff alongside Beardo and Staci, "I suppose _I_ shall be the next to jump." He took a deep breath, and swan-dived off the cliff. The camera followed his descent, but slowed just enough to catch the two that had jumped after him. Beardo came first, imitating the sound of an air raid siren. Staci followed shortly, screaming; she landed on one of the strings of small floaters, causing the bells on the adjacent buoys to ring noisily.

Back at the clifftop, DJ was next in line but looking extremely hesitant. "Uh-uh, no _way_ man." he said, shaking his hands and taking a step back. "I'm not jumpin'."

"Scared of heights?" Chris asked, touching music playing in the background.

"Yeah!" DJ nodded. "Ever since I was a kid!"

"Well _too bad_!" Jo interrupted, angrily getting in the gentle giant's face. "You're _jumping_ , or else I'll _really_ give you something to be afraid of!"

DJ squeaked in fear and backed away, only to trip over a small rock. As he'd had his back away from the edge, he ended up tumbling backwards over it. He began to scream and flail his arms as soon as he realized what had happened, and even louder when he looked below him and saw a shark on the surface, jaws open and waiting.

Naturally, both human and fish had misjudged their relative positions and DJ landed on the shark's back. But while the predator had been knocked out cold by the impact, DJ hadn't noticed, and with his already considerable strength amplified by fear, he windmilled his arms all the way to shore.

The camera cut back to an angry Jo and delighted Chris. "Anyone _else_ wanna chicken out?" the jock-ette said to the other four Gophers still at the top of the hill. None of them spoke up. "Good," Jo said, walking to the edge herself. The camera switched back to the falling viewpoint as Jo called out, "Look out below!"

It was Shawn who came next, and he was in decidedly higher spirits than the rest of his team. "Woo hoo hooo!" he cried as he plunged downwards. The camera followed him all the way down, showing him landing perfectly in the center ring. The scene cut to his teammates cheering on the beach, then back up top.

It was now Beth's turn to look over the edge in fear. "I don't know if I'm more scared of _jumping_ , or what Jo's gonna do to me if _don't_ jump...," she moaned.

"There's no need to be afraid of either, actually!" Dawn said, putting a hand on Beth's shoulder.

"How do you know?" the farm girl asked casting a worried look at her teammate.

"I can see it in your aura!" Dawn answered happily. "It's a very lovely shade of magenta, by the way, it suits you! But more importantly, there's _no_ sign of death in your near future, so you should be fine!"

The close-up of Beth's face showed no signs that she had been comforted. Instead, bewilderment had largely replaced her fear. "If you say so...," she said, looking back at the water far below and gulping. She stood up straight, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. "I can _do_ this!" she told herself as she jumped off.

Her fear quickly caught up to her, though she did indeed land safely. Dawn was not as lucky, landing a few feet away from the target area and attracting the attention of the sharks.

"Oh, um, _yes_ , I don't suppose you'd like to help me get to shore?" Dawn asked the sharks, backing away in fear. The three fish actually stopped to look at each other for a moment before resuming their approach. "Right, yes, just checking!" Dawn said, hurrying to the 'safe' area and the waiting ship.

The scene transitioned to Chris holding up a clipboard at the top of the cliff. "Let's see now...," he said, studying the papers on the board. "Looks like we've got _ten_ jumpers so far! Pretty _surprising_ if you ask me, but we're still missing one!"

"That's me, Chris!" Topher said as the camera panned to him, standing alone in a wetsuit. "Just wanted to tell you how _great_ of a job you've been doing. I mean, this first challenge is just _perfect_! Really sorts out the _winners_ from the _chumps_ , you know what I mean?"

"Glad you like it, Topher!" Chris smiled. "But you should probably get jumping."

"Right, gotcha!" the fanboy said, shooting one last look at the host before taking a running leap off the cliff.

"Wow, I _seriously_ can't believe they all did it!" Chris said as he watched Topher hit the water down below. "I mean, it's a _thousand-foot drop_ into _shark-infested_ water! I _might_ have to step up the difficulty of future challenges if this keeps up." He turned around to look at the other team, the shot zooming out to get all twelve in frame. "Killer Bass! If you can match their score, I'll give you a pullcart to push your crates on!" The cart in question was shown on the beach, accompanied by the same jingle as the earlier hot tub. "But if you _fail_ , I'll give it to the _Gophers_ instead!"

"Oh _yeah_!" Lightning cheered. "I'm up first! Sha- _Lightning_!" He took a running dive off the cliff, striking a pose at the last second before twisting back into form. He was shown to have landed without issue, and the shot cut back to the clifftop.

"Well, if that _fake_ -fan _Topher_ can do it," Sierra muttered, "then so can _I_." She turned a smile towards the host. "Hey Chris!" she sang, "I'm gonna do the same dive you did at the end of that competitive diving movie you were in, remember that?"

" _Yes_ , Sierra, I _do_ remember that horrible film. Unfortunately," Chris deadpanned.

"Good!" Sierra answered, oblivious to the annoyance she'd caused. "I hope you _like_ it!" She took a deep breath and launched herself off the cliff, tucking in her legs and starting to somersault forwards. She kept spinning all the way down, only uncurling herself just before she hit the water.

And struck the water flat on her back. " _Owww_...," she mumbled, sinking beneath the lake's surface but fortunately within the target area.

"Well whaddaya know?" Chris smirked blandly, the camera switching back to his close-up. "She actually pulled it off." He turned his head and the camera panned to the rest of the Killer Bass. "Next?"

Bridgette was the one who stepped up first. "It's no big deal...," she said, psyching herself up. "Everybody else who jumped landed safely, so why shouldn't I?" The surfer took a deep breath and swan-dived off the cliff.

The point-of-view fell with her, slowing down once more to get shots of other campers mid-descent.

" _WOO_ -HOOHOOHOO _HOOOO_!" Geoff cried as he fell.

"YEE-HAAA!" Ezekiel followed suit, hitting a protruding rock halfway down which sent him spinning.

Scarlett was next, showing decent form despite her obvious fear. "It's only approximately eight seconds, it's only approximately eight seconds, it's only...," she muttered all the way down.

B was last in the sub-group, tucked in to a cannonball. He landed outside the inner ring, but the splash he caused sent the sharks flying away from him.

"Well _shucks_ ," Sugar said as she looked over the edge, "looks like I'm gonna hafta get my _hair_ wet. But I ain't gonna let _nobody_ call _me_ chicken!" She steeled herself, and hopped off.

The camera cut to Chris at the sound of Sugar's splash, the host making more marks on his clipboard. "Let's see, just _three_ of you left! And remember, you _all_ have to jump or the _other_ team get the carts," he told the last three campers with a smile. "But no pressure, dude!"

Sam gulped and stepped forward. "Okay, there's pressure!" Chris said suddenly and with unnerving glee.

xxx

A funeral bell began to toll as Sam began to prepare himself. "Yeah, I was pretty nervous," the gamer said by voice-over. The camera transitioned via static to the confessional, where Sam sat. The Killer Bass' logo was placed in the top left corner. "I haven't exactly been leveling my _swim_ skill, if you know what I mean," Sam said with a nervous chuckle.

xxx

The confessional changed to Geoff, the reddish fish still showing in the corner. "I'm lookin' at this guy and thinkin'," the party boy said, "there's no _way_ he's gonna make it."

xxx

"For a moment there I thought," Jo said in the next confessional, green gopher having replaced the old logo, "if he does this? He's gonna frickin' _die_!"

xxx

One last bit of static and the camera cut back to Chris and Sam at the clifftop. "Take a _good_ run at it buddy," Chris coached, "you can _do_ this!"

The scene cut to a bare-chested Sam walking away from the camera. " _Ohhh_ man I'm gonna die. I'm gonna _die_ , and I haven't even reached the final level of 'Cave Conquerors 2'," he lamented. The other eight members of the Killer Bass who'd already jumped were shown on the beach, looking up at Sam in anticipation and fear. Sam's fist was shown being clenched, before a few members of the Screaming Gophers were shown in profile, looking up as well.

A shot of Sam's eyes narrowing, then back to Geoff on the beach. "You can _do_ it, dude!" he called up to his teammate.

Sam charged past Chris and straight off the cliff, the tone of his screams changing rapidly from determination to utter fear. A top-down view of the target areas was shown again, Sam's pasty back sliding into view as the large boy jumped. Various angles of his fall were shown, first a head-on view, then in profile, a brief cut to Chris, Scott, and Dakota watching the boy fall, then back to the water's surface looking up, and finally to the zoomed-out view of the cliff to show the extent of the belly flop splash.

In truth, it was only about on par with B's cannon ball, but it certainly looked more impressive thanks to the camera angle. "Uggh...," Sam moaned as he struggled to get on board the boat, barely hearing his teammate's cheers.

The camera cut back to Scott and Dakota, still on top of the thousand-foot-high cliff. "Your turn, _Princess_." Scott said. "Better hope your _make-up_ doesn't get ruined by the water," he snickered. "Or by the man-eating _sharks_."

Dakota took another look down at the water. "Good point. I don't think I can do this."

The camera cut to a confused Chris. "Really?" he asked. "You're going to _single-handedly_ give the Gophers a big advantage, and _seriously_ cheese off your own teammates in the process?"

"Well, it's not like I'm going to risk my _looks_ on _this_!" Dakota replied.

"Works for me!" Chris shrugged, and reached to the crate he'd been standing by since the challenge started. " _But_ , since you're the first person to _not_ jump, you also get to be the first person to wear one of _these_!" He took a yellow chicken-shaped hat out of the crate and jammed it on the rich girl's head. "A chicken hat, which you have to wear for the _rest_ of the _day_. Because you're a _chicken_." He clucked at her.

"What? But that's not _fair_!" Dakota protested, looking at the dangling chicken legs in horror.

"Tell that to your _team,_ " Chris smiled. "The chicken path down is over _there_." He lead Dakota to what appeared, due to a combination of props and video editing, to be the top of an escalator.

The host turned to the only other person left on the clifftop. "You gonna jump man? It won't really help your team, but you'll still have to wear a chicken hat if you don't do it."

Scott shrugged. "Hey, now that Daddy's Little Angel chickened out, there's no reason for me _not_ to jump, now is there?"

"'Kay." Chris said as he took out a megaphone. "One last jumper, campers!" he called down to those who waited on the beach. The Killer Bass, who hadn't yet learned of Dakota's decision, looked torn between confusion and excitement.

xxx

A brief period of static marked the switch to confessional footage, with Scott in the outhouse and the Bass logo in the corner. "My strategy is to let my team lose so the _Gophers_ develop a false sense of security," the redhead explained. "Then, once the teams merge, they'll be _ripe_ for the picking!" He punched his hand before continuing. "Since I got Dakota to chicken out, my team _should_ go after her first. And the best part is that I barely had to do _anything_! Still, a little _sabotage_ couldn't hurt, heheheh." The camera cut to static as Scott rubbed his hands devilishly.

xxx

Back at the clifftop, Chris made use of his megaphone once more. "And the _winners_ of the first part of the challenge _and_ the pullcarts are...," the host began, stretching the pause for as long as he could. "The Screaming Gophers!"

The team in question began to celebrate just as Dakota made it to the bottom of the cliff. Between the hat on her head and the obvious fact that she hadn't jumped, the Killer Bass quickly realized she'd cost them the win.

"What?" Dakota asked when met by ten glares.

The camera zoomed out from the beach and faded to black, then faded back in to the Gophers – back in their normal clothes – in the process of hauling their crates back to the cabins. They had been given four carts with which to carry eleven crates; it had taken some careful stacking, but they were managing comfortably. Alejandro, Jo, DJ, and Beardo had volunteered for pulling duty, and spirits were high enough that they had decided to sing '99 Bottles of Pop' to pass the time.

"Forty-nine bottles of pop on the wall, forty-nine bottles of pop! If one of those bottles should happen to fall, forty-eight bottles of pop on the wall!" That was the only verse they were shown singing before the camera quick-panned to the Killer Bass. The Gopher logo which had been hanging in the upper-left portion of the screen spun around to show the symbol of the Bass.

Although they had one less box to carry, the diverse physical abilities of the team was making things difficult. Fortunately for them, Scarlett had already come up with a plan. "As we're the two physically _weakest_ members of the team, Dakota and I should combine our energies. Everyone else should focus their efforts on transporting a single crate as far as they can by themselves, and if time permits anyone who reaches the cabins should double-back and aide whomever is the furthest from our destination," she said as they started the journey back.

"Do I _have_ to?" Dakota groaned as she approached the brainiac.

Scarlett gave her a withering glare. " _Yes_. Or have you not _realized_ that if we _lose_ this challenge, _you'll_ be the one that gets eliminated?" Dakota squeaked and started to help, albeit reluctantly.

The camera quick-panned back to the other team, logo changing accordingly. As they sang past the thirty-second bottle, Topher noticed the camera and struck a few poses. He stopped when he heard a cry of "Sha-woo!" in the distance; the camera panned right to show Lightning approaching rapidly, crate in his arms and grin on his face, then panned back to Topher. The handsome teen panicked, and ran to catch up with the other Gophers.

Another quick-pan showed the Killer Bass making slow but steady progress. Aside from Lightning's tremendous lead, it was Geoff, Sierra, B, and the duo of Scarlett and Dakota that were making the best time. The former three were pushing their crates along the sand, while the two young women were managing to carry their shared load.

B stopped pushing for a moment and wiped his brow. "Please don't take too long of a break," Scarlett told him as she and Dakota passed by, and the large young man shot them a thumbs up. As he caught his breath, he took a closer look at his crate, then scratched his soul patch in thought. He looked around and saw something among the bushes and trees along the beach, then calmly went over to pick it up.

/

A flash was used to transition back to the Gophers mid-verse. "...should happen to fall, twenty-eight bottles of pop on the wall!" The team came to a stop, and the camera switched to a close-up of Beth.

"Hey look!" she said excitedly, the shot changing to one of the cabins. "There's the campgrounds!"

"Well it's about _time,_ " Amy complained.

"Okay, time to get to work!" Jo ordered.

"Let's get started, shall we?" Alejandro said.

The two shot looks at each other, Jo's angry and Alejandro's questioning. Their eye contact was broken by Lightning rushing past them, crate held high.

/

Another flash took the point-of view back to the Killer Bass. "Get _movin_ '!" Sugar yelled at B as he stopped once again to collect something off the ground. "I didn't ruin my make-up so you could look at the dang scenery!"

B shrugged and stowed his latest acquisition in his coat. He quickly got back to his crate, and started pushing it alongside Sugar, Sam, and Bridgette.

A flash transitioned the scene back to the campgrounds. The camera panned to follow Chris as he walked past Shawn, Alejandro, and Topher as they worked to open a pair of crates. " _Remember_ , you guys can only use your _teeth_ to open the crates!" the host said, explaining why the teens behind him had been attacking the containers with their mouths. " _I_ came up with that one!" Chris smiled in a close-up.

"And it sure is a _good_ one!" Topher commented, spitting out the end of a rope he'd been pulling that was attached to his crate.

" _Surely_ there must be a better way?" Alejandro said, rubbing his jaw after gnawing at the wood failed to yield results.

"I know, right?" Shawn added as he too took a break. "You'd practically have to be a... a _zombie_ to bite your way into these things!"

/

The camera changed back to footage of the Bass, this time focusing on Scott and Ezekiel at the tail end of their team. The homeschooler was hunched over trying to carry the box on his back, while the redhead didn't seem to have broken a sweat pushing his.

"Yo, which one of you needs help from Lightning?" they heard the jock say as he ran through the other members of their team.

"I could use a hand, eh!" Ezekiel answered gladly. Scott just rolled his eyes.

"No problem!" Lightning said as he took the crate off of Ezekiel's back. "Lightning _knows_ that not everyone is as amazingly strong as _he_ is!" The overachiever took on the entire burden himself, and left Ezekiel blinking – and Scott scowling.

"Hey, want me to help?" the toque-wearer asked his teammate, lifting up one end of the box before getting an answer.

"Gee, _thanks,_ " Scott said with barely-concealed bitterness.

/

Back at the campgrounds, the Gophers had managed to open a few of their crates and were now looking through their contents.

Beardo made sounds of a hammer and wrench at work as he held up those tools, and switched to the sound of water filling a pool as he held up the plastic liner.

"Oh, wood!" Staci said, holding up a few planks. "This reminds me of my Great-Great-Great Aunt Cleo, who came up with a new method of waterproofing pieces of wood! It actually replaced a technique invented by my Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Grandfather Louis, yah."

"Nobody cares!" Jo barked. "Just throw it on the ground and move on to the next crate!"

"Hold on, shouldn't we try to keep the parts organized? Alejandro objected. "After all, our opponents have already gotten several of their crates here, and we don't want to lose our lead because we can't find something!" He pointed to Geoff and Sierra, who were already working on the crates they had pushed over.

"It won't _matter_ if we don't get our _crates_ open!" Jo argued.

The camera cut to another group of campers still working on their crates. "Try _harder_ , Samey!" Amy yelled as she watched her sister bite a crate.

"I'm trying as h- _ow_!" Sammy began, before recoiling in pain. "I think I got a _splinter_ on my _lip_!"

"Uggh, cry me a _river_ why don't you?" the older sister spat.

/

The camera cut back to the main group of campers as Scarlett and Dakota joined their teammates.

"Uggh, I'm _so_ tired!" Dakota moaned, pulling a compact from her pocket and checking her face in it. "I'm not _blotchy_ , am I?"

"You look fine to me!" Geoff told her, finally prying the lid off the crate in front of him.

Scarlett took a look at the campers around her and frowned. She motioned for Geoff and Sierra to come closer and began to whisper to both them and Dakota. "Listen. Even using the rope, attempting to open these wooden shipping containers with only our teeth is extremely inefficient in terms of both time and energy expenditure. We _need_ to procure better tools, such as-"

She was interrupted by something being tossed over her head – a thick, sturdy stick which Geoff caught with ease. The camera panned over to B at the front of the rest of the Killer Bass; he took several more sticks out of his coat and smirked.

"Excellent!" Scarlett said as she grabbed the stick from Geoff's hand and examined it closely, the shot zooming in to focus on her discerning eye and a pointed end of the stick. "These fallen branches can be used as a combination wedge and class-one lever," she explained to her team in hushed tones. "If we insert the sharpened end into the gap between two of the crate's faces, we can-"

"-use them to pry open the crates!" Bridgette finished. "Scarlett, B, you two are _geniuses_!"

"Thank you," Scarlett said, "but we should really start working, as I'm fairly certain the other team heard your outburst."

/

The scene flashed in transition to a close-up of Alejandro, who had been leaning an ear towards the Bass in hopes of eavesdropping. "Of course, I should have thought of that sooner!" he muttered to himself, turning back to his struggling team. "Amigos! I have an idea to get the rest of the crates open quickly!" he called to them, earning the attention of most. "But first, half of us need to start working on the hot tub."

"Hey, who made _you_ the boss?" Jo barked.

A montage of the two teams' progress on their tubs was shown, switching regularly to highlight the vast differences between the Gophers and the Bass; the icon of the team being focused on at a given moment was shown in the top-left corner of the scene. First up was a shot of Lightning and Sierra easily opening a pair of crates thanks to the tools B had provided. In contrast, the Gophers were still struggling as Alejandro and Jo argued over how to proceed.

Another shot of the Bass showed B and Scarlett making quick work of the construction, with the former handling most of the building and the latter ensuring that he had every tool and part as they were needed. The Gophers, however, lacked such engineering talents – Beth and Shawn were doing the most work, but the girl had to leave the tub for a moment to get a piece she needed. Without another pair of arms, the scruffy boy was having difficulty keeping the tub in one piece, and it looked ready to collapse.

The next scene showed Scott swipe a part from his team when they weren't looking, and quick-panned to show Scarlett and B puzzling over where the missing part was meant to go. B signaled that he'd had an idea, and disappeared into the Bass cabin. Scarlett shot a puzzled look after him, but shrugged and went to check on the rest of the campers, parts, and tools.

Alejandro, DJ, Beth, and Staci of the Gophers were shown looking between one last piece of wood and their tub, which looked poorly-built and empty but otherwise complete.

The final two scenes of the montage showed the two teams filling their tubs. Once again, the Bass showed greater coordination by forming a bucket brigade between the lake and their tub. The Gophers, on the other hand, were shown trying to deal with a sudden leak that appeared when Jo dumped a full bucket into it and ran off.

The music became tense as the scene changed to a shot of both teams standing in front of their cabins with their hot tubs, colored logos hovering above each side. Shots of Chris examining the two tubs were interspersed with close-ups of each team looking nervous. The host lingered on the Killer Bass' steaming masterpiece and threw up his arms. " _This_ is an _awesome_ hot tub!" he exclaimed, the background becoming celebratory as the Bass cheered.

"Sha- _yeah_!" Lightning said, popping out of the tub with a splash.

Chris approached the Gophers, and the music became tense again. The eleven teens gasped as Chris tapped the side of the the shoddier tub, and was squirted by a sudden new leak. The camera zoomed out to show several other jets of water spurting out from the tub, and the water level lowered quickly.

" _Well_ ," Chris smiled at the camera, "I _think_ we have a winner here!" He looked between the two teams one last time, and raised a hand to his left. "The Killer Bass!"

The victory music began again as the Bass cheered and the Gophers looked angry and glum. "Bass!" Chris told the winning team, "You're _safe_ from elimination _and_ you get to rock this awesome hot tub for the _rest_ of the _summer_!" He pointed directly at the camera. " _Bonus_!"

The Bass were shown cheering again.

"Screaming Gophers!" Chris turned his head to the losers, a frown on his face. "What can I say, sucks to be _you_ right now!" The disappointment was still present in the Gopher's body language, Beardo even making a 'sad trombone' sound effect. "I'll see your sorry butts at the bonfire tonight." The host's smile had returned.

"WOOHOO!" Geoff cheered, whipping his hat around. "We _won_ , dudes! That means we're all stayin' for _three more days_!"

"I know, isn't it _great_?" Sierra added. "Take _that_ , you _fake-fan_!" the tall girl spat at Topher, who huffed and turned away.

The camera cut to the next meal, starting with a shot of the entire group of campers eating and then switching to the Gophers.

"So, what now?" Sammy asked from her seat between her sister and Topher.

"We decide who to vote off, _duh_!" Amy said with a hateful smile. "Probably _you_ , since it's not like you were any help in the _challenge_."

"It's not like _you_ were any better!" Jo rebuked, sitting opposite the twins with Shawn to her left, DJ and Alejandro to her right. "Of course, if _somebody_ had just let me lead the team...," the jock-ette trailed off with a look towards Alejandro.

"I merely wanted to help!" the taller teen explained. "If you choose to treat my skills and ideas as a threat to your authority, then I suppose that is your right."

Jo rolled her eyes. "Well then _Mr. Perfect_ , who do _you_ think we should get rid of?"

"I... will admit that I am still undecided," Alejandro answered after a moment.

"Personally," Topher began, " _I_ think we should get rid of _you_ , Jo. It's no secret what a horrible _leader_ you are." The jock-ette sneered and kicked his shin beneath the table. " _Ow_!"

"Maybe we should draw straws?" Beth suggested hesitantly.

"Are you _kidding_?" Shawn said from the other end of the table. "Who'd take _that_ risk?"

"Hey," Staci piped up, "this reminds me of my Great-Great-Great-Grandfather Eugene, who was a member of the House of Commons, yah. He's the one who invented debating an issue before voting on it. And before him was my Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Grandmother Roberta, who invented voting. Before her, large groups of people couldn't make decisions without resorting to violence."

As she blathered, she failed to notice the looks her teammates were giving her – Topher and Beardo on her sides, Alejandro and Beth across the table; even Bass members Ezekiel and Geoff looked annoyed as they passed by.

"Perhaps I _have_ made a decision...," Alejandro whispered, camera focusing on his narrowed eyes.

/

The scene skipped forward to the elimination ceremony; the campfire burned brightly and the clearing was lined with torches and strings of lights. The eleven members of the Screaming Gophers sat on the stumps awaiting their fate – Shawn, Jo, Staci, Sammy, and Amy had claimed the first row, with the back row occupied by Dawn, Beardo, Beth, Topher, Alejandro, and DJ.

The camera zoomed in on the back row, showing Beth, Topher, and Alejandro shooting devilishly satisfied looks at the back of a certain someone's head. The view panned to the front row, focusing on Staci and Jo.

"Next time you're in a competition, you should try _shutting up_ for a change." Jo told the girl next to her.

"Screaming Gophers." The camera cut to Chris holding a plate of marshmallows. "At camp," the camera zoomed in on the plate, "marshmallows represent a tasty treat," the camera cut to the mostly-smiling teens, "that you _enjoy_ roasting by the fire." The shot went back to a serious Chris. "At _this_ camp, marshmallows represent _life_."

A cut to Alejandro faking a yawn, then winking at Amy. The cheerleader blushed and stifled a giggle. "You've all cast your votes," Chris continued in a close-up, "and made your decision. There are only _ten_ marshmallows on this plate!" Another brief close-up of the plate. "When I call your name, come up and claim your marshmallow. The camper who does _not_ receive a marshmallow tonight must immediately return to the Dock of Shame," the camera cut to the dock, the boat not yet present, "to catch the _Boat_ of _Losers_." Chris pointed to the off-screen campers. "That means, _you're_ out of the contest," another shot of the expectant campers, "and you can't come back," the campers seemed surprised, " _ever_."

Chris held up a single marshmallow. "The first marshmallow goes to... Alejandro!" The latino teen smiled, and calmly approached the host to get a marshmallow put on the stick he carried. "DJ!" Chris continued, the muscular young man grinning and getting his own bit of confection. "Amy!" was the next to be called; she stuck her tongue out at her sister before getting up. "Beth!"

"Yay!" the girl cried as she ran up to join the others.

"Topher!" the host continued.

" _Knew_ it!" the wannabe said as he stepped up.

"Shawn!" the paranoid young man approached cautiously, eyes glued to the trees. "Sammy!"

"Me?" the younger twin mouthed as the realization sunk in. "Yes!" Sammy cheered, dashing to get her marshmallow and doing her best to ignore Amy's glare.

"Beardo!" the hairiest Gopher mimicked the victory tune from a certain JRPG when he got his marshmallow. "Dawn!" The petite young woman had somehow managed to approach without the host noticing, as he gave a small start when she held out her stick the moment her name was called.

The host quickly regained his groove, and the background music became consistently dramatic. "Campers," he said, the camera focusing once more on the near-empty plate, " _this_ is the final marshmallow of the evening!"

The shot quickly changed between Jo and Staci, to Chris and the marshmallow, to Staci biting her nails, to the marshmallow again, to Jo looking the most nervous she'd been that day, back to Staci, back to Jo, back to Staci again, to the marshmallow, to Jo, to Staci, to Chris as the music picked up, to Jo and Staci leaning forward nervously, to the host closing his eyes and extending a finger high above his head, to the pair of campers on the proverbially chopping block, to Chris' ominous pointer finger being brought down to eye level, the point-of-view shifting behind him as he moved his finger between the two young women. He tapped his chin as the music came to a climax.

One final shot of the two stressed-out campers then back to a close-up of the host, leaning forward and peering at them with one open eye. Chris smiled, and held up the last marshmallow. "Jo."

"Darn _right_!" Jo said, regaining her composure and hiding her relief. She shot a cocky grin towards Staci as the host put the final marshmallow on Jo's stick. "Like I was even _worried_."

"Aww, and I was doing so _well,_ too...," Staci lamented.

"Yeah, not really," Chris smiled as he approached the chubby young woman. "You annoyed pretty much _everyone_ here." He gestured for Staci to get up. "Dock of Shame is _that'a_ way!"

Staci got up and started walking, the music turning solemn as the footage skipped ahead to her walking the Dock of Shame alone.

"The rest of you!" Chris addressed the remaining Gophers at the campfire pit, smiles on their faces and marshmallows on their sticks. "Enjoy your marshmallows! You're all _safe_." The camera cut to a close-up of the host's evil smirk. "For _tonight_."

Staci was shown at the end of the dock as the Boat of Losers, driven by the Chef, arrived with a splutter.

xxx

A bout of static marked the start of a confessional. "Okay, so _maybe_ my plan didn't work _this_ time." Scott admitted, donning a devilish grin. "But it won't matter in the long run, because _I'm_ playing to _win_."

xxx

The scene cut to outside the Bass cabin, the sounds of a party in the background. Ezekiel, Bridgette, Geoff, Dakota, and Lightning were all enjoying the hot tub, and the party boy raised a glass to toast. "To the Killer Bass, dudes!" The four in the tub with him repeated the toast, and they all cheered.

"Yeah! Us Bass _rock_!" Sugar said, beginning to dance in front of the tub. None of her teammates quite knew what sort of dance it was, but it didn't stop Sierra and Sam from joining in, the three chanting "Bass rock!" over and and over again.

The scene zoomed out to show Beardo, Beth, and Jo sneaking around the revelers. Jo stopped when she noticed the camera. "Still rolling?" she asked, looking directly into the camera and earning a close-up in return. The music became ominous as Jo continued to talk. " _Good_. Because while those _guppies_ may think they've _won_ ," she pointed thumb over her shoulder, "a _real_ competitor knows it isn't over until there's only _one_ left standing. And _that's_ gonna be _me_." She turned her thumb to her own chest, and snarled.

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Staci becomes the first to go. With all three canonical first boots debuting together, only one can have a repeat performance, and between her, Ezekiel, and Beardo, she's easily the most annoying. Though all three of them have room for development, of course, given the right circumstances.
> 
> As for the challenge, I kept the Gophers' loss as believable as I could. B and Scarlett's technical expertise more than make up Dakota (with Scott's encouragement) costing the Bass the first half, while the two biggest egos on the Gophers keep the team from working together. Still, though, their hot tub was better than the canon Bass one, and overall the challenge probably took less time for both Shuffled teams to complete.
> 
> Looking back over my notes, I had remarkably little planned for the future when I first wrote the chapter, the next few boots and a few pairings and that's it. So I don't think that every little tease of future plot that I threw in here (and the previous chapter) ended up going anywhere.
> 
> Well, it is what it is. I'm satisfied with how the season ended up going, and I hope any new readers will as well. Let me know what you think, and I'll see you all next time.
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
>   
>    
> 
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)


	3. The Big Sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want a reminder, the teams are as follows:
> 
> Killer Bass \- B, Bridgette, Dakota, Ezekiel, Geoff, Lightning, Sam, Scarlett, Scott, Sierra, Sugar
> 
> Screaming Gophers – Alejandro, Amy, Beardo, Beth, Dawn, DJ, Jo, Sammy, Shawn, Topher
> 
> \- Fangren

"Last time, on Total Drama Island!" Chris began as footage from the previous two episodes started to play. "Twenty-two campers arrived and learned that they'll be spending the next eight weeks at a crusty old summer camp." Shots were shown of the campers posing for the group photo on the docks, then assembled at the campfire pit, Chris showing them the cabins, and Amy screaming at the sight of a cockroach.

"The campers were faced with their first challenge:" the host continued over a shot of the two teams on top of the cliff, "jumping off a _cliff_ into _shark_ -infested waters!" The full shot of the cliff was shown, followed by footage of the sharks. "And while Dakota decided not to jump and earned herself the dreaded _chicken hat_ , the combined brains of B and Scarlett meant it was the _Screaming Gophers_ who were headed to elimination." Footage of Alejandro, Beardo, and Staci falling was followed by Dakota's refusal and donning of the hat, followed by the two geniuses working on their team's hot tub.

"At the Campfire Ceremony it all came down to two campers:" Chris said over a shot of the Gophers sitting at the campfire and the bottom two looking nervous. "Jo was physically tough but also stubborn and bossy," footage of Jo yelling at DJ and arguing with Alejandro was played, "while Staci just wouldn't shut up about her fake relatives." Various shots of Staci talking and her teammates looking annoyed with her were shown.

"In the end, the first camper voted off Total Drama Island," the scene of the eliminated camper leaving the island was played, "was Staci, proving that those who tick off their teammates don't go far in reality TV." The camera cut to Chris standing on the docks. "Who will be voted off this week, in the _most_ dramatic Campfire Ceremony yet? Find out tonight, on Total! Drama! Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode proper opened with a shot of Chris approaching the cabins, megaphone in hand. The camera zoomed in for a close-up of the host as he lifted first the megaphone, and then an air horn. He blew the horn into the megaphone with a grin, and the scene cut to the inside of one of the cabins as the loud noise rang in the background.

Alejandro woke up abruptly, hitting his head on the bunk above him and cursing in Spanish. "It's 7am!" he angrily exclaimed, the camera cutting to the outside window as the shirtless teen ran to it and leaned out at Chris. "Why are we getting up so early?"

/

A flash transitioned the scene back to the common area outside the cabins. Most campers had already gotten dressed and assembled there, with a few more visibly on their way. "Morning!" Chris addressed the obviously-tired campers. "Hope you slept well!"

"Hi Chris!" Sierra said, one of the few who actually had their usual level of energy. "You look _really_ good in those shorts!"

"I _know_ _,_ " Chris answered, visibly struggling over how to take the compliment. He quickly regained his composure, though, and began to walk past the campers. "Okay! I hope you're all ready because your next challenge begins in exactly _one minute_!"

"What?!" Lightning exclaimed. "But Lightning hasn't had his _DPA_!"

His teammates gave him confused looks. "Huh?" Sam finally asked.

"Daily Protein Allotment? _Duh_!" the athlete explained.

"And _I_ haven't had enough _beauty_ sleep!" Dakota added, sunglasses hiding her eyes.

"C'mon, you look-" Sam began to tell her before she revealed the horrible bags beneath her eyes. "-GREAT _SUNS_ OF ORION!" the gamer recoiled.

Chris started to chuckle deeply. "Oh, there'll be _plenty_ of time for breakfast _and_ sleeping..." he began, wiping away a single tear as the contestants gave him questioning looks. " _Right_ after you complete your _twenty_ -kilometer run _around_ the _lake_!"

"Why do I get the feeling that we'll regret doing _either_...," Alejandro muttered to Topher and DJ.

xxx

" _My_ strategy is to gain the trust of the other campers," Alejandro began from the confessional, his smile growing more sinister with each word, "learn their _weaknesses_ , and pick them off, _one by one_. Some campers will prove _difficult_ , of course, but I am _confident_ in my ability to manipulate others."

xxx

The campers were lined up, and had taken their starting positions. Nine were on-camera next to the host: Dakota, Sam, Lightning, Scott, Alejandro, Dawn, Jo, Shawn, and DJ. "Okay runners!" Chris called. "On your marks! Get set!" The camera focused in on the five closest to the host. "GO!" Lightning, Alejandro, and Scott took off, the gamer following after a moment.

The scene skipped ahead to the middle of the race; the sun was beating hard as the camera panned down to the campers. Lightning, Jo, Alejandro, Geoff, Sierra, and Beth were running in the lead; walking behind them were Ezekiel, Dawn, Sam, and Dakota. The camera focused on the rich girl as she furtively withdrew a cellphone from her pocket and hastily dialed a number. "Hi, it's me!" she whispered as Bridgette and Topher ran past. "Yeah, I'm on my back-up phone. Listen, we're running around the lake right now so try to get here before I get too _sweaty_ , okay?"

The camera panned over to Beardo, making train noises as he ran past a struggling Sugar. "I wish he were a _real_ bus...," Sugar groaned. "Pageant queens ain't _meant_ to run!"

The scene cut back to Sam and Dakota, who had picked up their pace. "Hey, sorry about what I said earlier," Sam said. "I was just, uh, so taken by your ear lobes!"

xxx

"Ear lobes?" Sam said in the confessional, bewildered by his own words. " _Ear lobes_?"

xxx

Continuing from the challenge footage, Dakota gave her teammate a confused look. "Thanks!" she said hesitantly as she looked the gamer over, "I like your, uh...," she trailed off, unable to find something to compliment before she noticed something she actually liked.

"Dakota, over here!" called a man with an Italian accent from off-camera. "Sorriso per noi!" The camera panned up to four adult men in the basket of a hot-air balloon; all four were pointing cameras at the heiress and smiling.

"Hi guys!" Dakota smiled and waved, falling back from the group. “That mean old _Chris_ has got me running a 20K around the lake," she pouted and the paparazzi went wild, "but now that _you're_ here, you can make sure to catch me looking _good_ as I run!" She started running again, but in a rather slow and exaggerated fashion. She soon passed Sam, who had stopped when he noticed Dakota had fallen behind, and was now shooting the girl an odd look.

The photoshoot was interrupted by the sound of a motor, and soon Chris appeared on-camera riding a scooter and wielding a megaphone. "Pick it _up_ , people!" he shouted as he rode past Dakota, Sam, Ezekiel, Dawn, Bridgette, Topher, and Beth. "If you're not back by _dinnertime_ , you don't _eat_!" The camera came in for a close-up as Chris stowed the megaphone and took out a walkie-talkie. "Hey, we got some uninvited _guests_ , over!"

The scene cut to the Chef on an ATV. He stopped suddenly, and took out a large slingshot. The view switched to an over-the shoulder shot as an aiming sight appeared on the screen. It moved as the Chef moved, targeting the unaware photographers. The Chef took the shot, and his bullet pierced the trespasser's balloon, sending them flying away.

"Hey, _rude_ much?" Dakota yelled at him when she realized her shoot had been ruined.

/

The scene skipped ahead to the main lodge, where most of the campers – and Chris, happily filing his nails – were waiting for the last few stragglers. The normal team separation seemed to have been temporarily abandoned, as campers were by-and-large too exhausted to care for the division. The camera cut from a shot of the host to the main door, which was flung open as a heaving Ezekiel arrived. "I... I made it, eh!" he panted, stumbling the last few feet to the nearest table.

Beardo came in moments after, dripping with sweat. He tried several times to make a triumphant fanfare, but gave up and flopped to the ground near Beth and Jo.

Sam and Dakota were the last to arrive. "Why... do games... make _running..._ look so _easy_?" Sam panted, barely able to walk.

"Are we _done_ yet?" Dakota asked, not taking her eyes off her phone.

" _Done_?" Lightning said, running up to the pair. " _You two_ just cost us the _challenge_ , and that's all you have to _say_ for yourselves?"

"Wait, if _they_ lost the challenge..," Sammy began before getting shoved aside by her sister.

"Then that means we _won_!" Amy finished, and the Gophers began to cheer – even Beardo, who was being helped to his feet by Beth.

"Whoa there," Chris laughed as the camera cut to him shaking his head and hands, "hold your horses, guys!" He walked into the middle of the room and the shot shifted accordingly. "That wasn't the challenge!"

" _Excuse_ me?" Amy said immediately. "What do you _mean_ that wasn't the challenge?"

The camera shifted again to the as-yet-unseen wall not included in the usual cafeteria shot. Chris stepped in front of some purple curtains and at his gesture they were drawn back. "Who's _hungry_?" he said as an angelic chorus played in the background; hidden behind the curtain, and expertly back-lit so that it appeared to sparkle and glow, was a turkey buffet.

Static began a pair of confessionals.

xxx

"After several days of forcing down Chef's _wretched_ excuse for food," Alejandro said, "the sight of such an _exquisite_ meal nearly brought me to _tears_."

xxx

"That was one a' the most _beautiful_ buffets I've ever seen!" Sugar said in her turn. "It looked like an _ad_ fer Thanksgivin'!"

xxx

The scene skipped ahead, panning across the aftermath of the meal. Only a few scraps of food were left, and the groans that played over the shot implied that the bellies of several campers were full to bursting. The shot zoomed out to show Sierra, Sugar, Lightning, Jo, DJ, Alejandro, Beth, and Amy gathered around the remains, noticeably bloated. Chris hopped on to the table, megaphone in hand and grin on his face. "Okay campers! Time for part _two_ of your challenge!"

"Wasn't that just eatin'?" Sugar asked.

"What more do you _want_ from us?" Alejandro added.

"Bring it on, McClean!" Jo said, sounding more eager than she looked.

"Oh, I _will,_ " Chris answered the jock-ette. "It's time for...," he announced, "the _Awake-a-Thon_!"

"The _What_ -a-Thon?" Beth asked, still woozy from her meal.

"Don't worry!" Chris answered, hopping down to the floor. "This is an easy one! The team with the last camper standing wins invincibility!"

"So the twenty-kilometer run and the turkey buffet were meant to make it harder for us to _stay awake_?" Alejandro asked.

"Exactamundo, bro!" Chris answered.

"Ooh, heehee, you're _good_...," Sierra told the host, ending with a burp.

"Move! Move! Move!" Chris said into his megaphone, the point-of-view shifting to show all the campers as they reluctantly headed for the door.

"So how long do you think it'll be before everyone's asleep?" Beth asked her teammate as the others filed past them.

"Not long, I hope." Alejandro answered. "I'd _rather_ not miss any more sleep than necessary."

Dakota walked past them, happily about to engage her back-up cellphone. The camera panned over to see Chris waiting for her, and he snatched the device away from the girl as soon as it was within reach. " _I'll_ be taking that!" he smiled, whistling to himself as he walked away. Dakota just groaned, and plodded out of the lodge.

Alejandro, who had yet to leave the cafeteria, smiled devilishly at the tall blonde.

/

The sun was shown rising high into the sky as the scene transitioned to later in the challenge; it was accompanied by a timer at the top of the screen which implied twelve hours had passed – despite the fact that the sun had not yet set, implying otherwise.

The shot panned down to show the campers gathered at the campfire pit, separated by team thanks to some added seating. "We are now twelve hours in," Chris' voice-over lied softly, "with all twenty-one campers _still_ wide awake." The camera panned over the Screaming Gophers; all members except Shawn were shown, and all of them had large bags under their eyes.

Alejandro sighed, and stood up. He stretched his arms and upper body, earning quite a few adoring glances from the other campers, and began walking around the clearing. He paused to stretch again near the Bass. "I apologize for the distraction," he told them, "but I am feeling restless. All of this sleep deprivation is making me anxious; it would be a _shame_ to sacrifice my good looks for the sake of a win." He locked eyes with Dakota. "Certainly, some of you feel the same?" He winked, she blushed.

Only Scarlett and Scott seemed to show any suspicion as the attractive young man began walking again.

xxx

"Man, the Awake-A-Thon was _brutal_." Sam said, looking surprisingly well-rested in the outhouse. "All that sleep deprivation comboed with a couple days without games gave me the worst de-buff _ever_."

xxx

The camera cut back to the challenge, focusing on Sam sitting next to a depressed-looking Dakota. The point-of-view shifted to the gamer's perspective, looking at the heiress and seeing her blur and pixellate into a game sprite version of herself. The view shifted back to Sam's front, showing him gasp and shake his head. He looked at the mournful Dakota again and sighed. "You know, Dakota, we're kinda similar, y'know?"

Dakota slowly turned her head and blinked at the larger boy. "...What? How could you _say_ that?" she asked once she'd registered the comment and had offense temporarily overcome exhaustion.

"No, I mean," Sam hastily explained, "we're both pretty dependent on our tech. Your cellphone and my video games, that is. Trust me, we have, like, _nothing_ in common otherwise."

The rich girl shot him a tired smile. " _Aww_ , thanks!" She sighed. "You're right, though, I _really_ miss my phone. I could have sent, like, a _thousand_ texts by now! Doing this challenge would be _way_ easier if it weren't for that stupid _Chris_."

Sam opened his mouth to say something, but Dakota kept talking. "And _now_ I have to worry about losing my _looks_ , too? How am I gonna get _through_ this?" Her shoulders slumped.

The camera gave Sam a close-up. "Hey, now, don't say that. How about we help _each other_ get-" His words of encouragement were paused when he felt a weight on his arm and shoulder. Looking down and to his right, he saw that Dakota had fallen asleep. He blushed and looked around wildly, utterly unsure of what to do but not willing to disturb his teammate's rest.

A bell sounded, and a scoreboard showing the two team logos and the number of campers still awake appeared on the bottom of the screen. The Bass' score rolled down to ten.

xxx

"Despite my physical dominance," Jo confessed, "I'm gonna need to keep a couple of my so-called 'teammates' loyal." She rolled her eyes. "It's just a matter of finding a couple of weak-willed _patsies_ who'll do whatever I _say_!"

xxx

The camera cut to Beardo, who was doing impressions of animals to the amusement of Beth. " _Oh_ , that sounds _just like_ the pigs back home!" she lisped eagerly. "Do a _goat_ next!"

The hairy teen nodded, and the camera cut to a smirking Jo. "Hey, Braces! Beatbox Guy! Can I talk to you for a minute?" she barked. Beth and Beardo shrugged and started to get up.

The shot flash-transitioned to a close-up of Jo standing a little ways away from the other campers. "Hey, so, uh, sorry if I've been a bit _aggressive_ the past few days," Jo began, looking oddly sheepish. "But nearly getting kicked off _first_ has made me rethink a few things." The shot zoomed out to show the other pair of teens walking up to her. "The point is, I've come up with a way to get me and two other people to the end of the game, and I picked the two of _you_ to take with me."

Beth and Beardo grinned, the latter also making the 'cha-ching' of a vintage cash register opening.

"Of course, we need to keep this between the three of us," Jo continued, "so I'm trusting you two not to blab to the _others_. Do that and follow my _orders_ , and I _guarantee_ we'll make it to the Final Three. _Got it_?" Beth and Beardo nodded eagerly.

xxx

It was Beth's turn to use the confessional. "Oh! My! _Gosh_! Jo is taking _me_ to the Final Three! I'm going to the Final Three, I'm going to the Final Three!" 'The Wannabe' paused her squealing and gave the confession cam a questioning look. "I wonder what will happen then?"

xxx

Beardo's confessional was shown next. "An alliance with _Jo_? I don't know..." He scratched the back of his head. "But if it helps me open up and get over my shyness, then why not?"

xxx

The scene skipped ahead to night, the on-screen timer erroneously marking it as twenty-four hours since the start of the challenge. The camera zoomed in from a view of the entire island and showed a few shots from around the campfire. Bridgette was sleeping with Geoff nearby and barely holding on; Topher had dozed off as well. A shot of the rest of the Gophers revealed that nine were still hanging on, and the scoreboard reflected that; a pan over to the Bass showed them in a similar position, if technically behind.

The only camper who didn't seem to be having trouble was Shawn, who if anything looked more alert than ever. He kept darting and rolling around the clearing, disappearing behind one camper only to reappear somewhere else on-camera. He stopped to nervously chew his nails before the camera stopped following him.

"Congratulations, campers!" Chris announced, the camera switching to his close-up. "You've made it to the twenty-four hour mark! Time to take things _up_ a notch!" The shot zoomed out to reveal the host standing next to a large object covered in a sheet, as well as the Chef. The giant man was dressed in, of all things, a light pink sheep costume, and carried a small harp.

"Fairy tales!" the host said, pulling back the sheet to reveal a pile of books.

"How old do you think we are, _four_?" Scott remarked.

Chris cleared his throat, and the camera switched back to him as Chef began to strum. "Once... upon a time...," Chris began slowly and softly. "There was... inside this boring kingdom...," Chef was shown scowling at an off-screen snickerer, and Beth was shown yawning, "...a boring village. And inside this boring, sleepy, village... filled with, very boring children...," Geoff was shown trying not to fall asleep, as was Sam who still had Dakota leaning against him.

As the gamer began to close his eyes, the scene rippled to a shot of a harp standing alone on a starlit forest trail. Chris' voice faded and was replaced by dream-like background music as sheep started to enter from stage left. One by one the small pink animals jumped over the harp, but the fifth to jump was in fact the costumed Chef. At the height of the man's jump the sound of a fart was played, and the scene abruptly cut back to Sam. The sound of his own gas had jolted him back awake, and he looked around nervously.

The next shot was that of Jo, Beth, and Beardo sitting together as the 'Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy' began to play. The camera panned up to show Chef, now in a ballerina's tutu, jumping across the full moon. He left a trail of glitter as he went, and after landing and dancing off stage right the effects of his performance were shown. First was Geoff, Lightning, and Scarlett of the Bass, getting showered in glitter and immediately yawning. Chef's dance continued, with Gophers Alejandro and Jo hit next; they yawned just as their opponents had.

DJ was shown tying himself to a tree, but he too was hit by Chef's fairy dust and began to yawn. He quickly fell asleep, and his weight caused the pine's he roped himself to to fall over. As a squirrel looked upon his sleeping frame, a bell sounded and the scoreboard updated – nine for the Bass, eight for the Gophers.

" _Tim-ber_!" Scott said snidely, stifling another yawn.

The footage skipped ahead to the increasingly-inaccurate timer's fourty-hour mark. The shot was taken from behind the campers so that most of them could only be made out by their silhouettes; most distinctive were Sugar standing proud and Lightning doing push-ups by the fire.

xxx

"What can I say? I figured if I kept movin' there was no _way_ I'd fall asleep!" Lightning said from among the flies, looking proud of himself.

xxx

The point-of-view changed back to in front of the campers, and the Bass were shown to only have five campers left standing – Scott, Geoff, and Scarlett with their team's main group, with Lightning and Sugar revealed as the camera panned left. On the Gopher side, the non-sleeping campers included Jo, Alejandro, Dawn, Amy and Sammy, and a still-roaming Shawn.

The camera focused on the trio of blondes as the meanest slumped forward and the bell signaled her fall. "Well, I guess she _does_ always do stuff before me...," Sammy chuckled weakly. She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to she Dawn peering at her.

"You know," the odd young woman said, "you mustn't take everything your sister says about you to heart. You are your _own_ person, and aside from your physical appearance you and your sister are _nothing_ alike."

" _Well_ , I know, but that doesn't change the fact that she's better than me." Sammy sighed, looking down at her sleeping sister. " _Amy_ always gets picked first, and _Amy_ wins all the awards, and _Amy's_ the one everyone _likes_..."

"That's only because her need to stand out has _consumed_ her!" Dawn explained. "It's _twisted_ her so much that she's become willing to do _anything_ to make you less important than herself."

"That's... I... how...?" Sammy stuttered, shrinking away from Dawn's gaze.

"It's all in her aura," Dawn explained, "and yours too." Sammy's expression changed to a mixture of horror and sadness, prompting the smaller camper to place a hand on the cheerleader's. "Don't worry, though, yours is _much_ prettier than Amy's. I can tell that what you want more than anything is to be free from her!"

xxx

"I'm not gonna lie, Dawn is _kinda_ creepy." Sammy slumped her head to the side and lifted it back up, revealing a small smile – and blush. "But she _did_ say I was prettier than Amy. Well, my _aura_ at least."

xxx

Another static-transition put the scene back at the challenge. The focus was on Shawn and Chris, as the teen darted around the host. "You okay dude?" Chris asked out of idle curiosity.

"Of course!" Shawn replied immediately. "Just gotta stay _alert_ and _on-guard_ if I have to stay on the ground tonight. Never know when a _zombie_ might lurch out of the darkness!"

Chris looked at the camera and shrugged. "Whatever floats your boat, man _._ "

The scene flashed back to the full view of the moonlit isle; the timer displaying fifty-one hours. A zoom-cut showed a sleeping Geoff, but he blinked awake when he heard Lightning talking nearby. "Man, how does she _do_ it!" the athlete said via voice-over, the shot switching to a close-up of Sugar. She was standing straight up and her eyes were wide open. "Girl hasn't moved in _ages_!"

The blonde farted, thoroughly destroying the sense of awe about her. Then to the shock of all who were watching, she opened her eyes.

"Hey, those eyes are _painted_ on!" Jo accused. "I _saw_ it!"

" _Shut. Up_." Chris said, astounded. "Oh, I've _got_ to see this!" The host ran over to Sugar and the camera focused on them looking at each other; the host gazing closely at the thick white make-up on the girl's eyelids, and the pageant queen still catching up to the fact that she'd been caught.

"What? I-I was awake the whole time, I _swear_!" Sugar tried to defend.

"Okay, that was freakin' _cool_ ," Chris told her, awe turning to seriousness, "but you were _totally_ asleep, and you're _totally_ out."

"Aww, _fiddlesticks_." Sugar snapped her fingers as the Bass' score appeared and dinged down to three.

As the defeated young woman walked back to her team, the camera focused on a weary-looking Scarlett sitting between Lightning and Scott.

"Listen please," she whispered to them, "because I doubt I'll be able to say this more than once." The boys leaned in obligingly. "Of our remaining opponents," the point-of-view rotated behind her so that the three Gophers still awake could be seen, "Shawn is likely to be the most difficult to beat in this particular challenge. Jo and Alejandro are currently showing a level of sleep deprivation approximately equal to our average, while Shawn's overall level of activity has decreased,” she paused to yawn, “by an amount that I am currently unable to calculate due to sleep deprivation-induced cognitive impairment, but which is _certainly_ less than my own."

The two boys blinked wearily, looked at each other and shrugged. Scarlett sighed. "Shawn is probably going to be the last one to fall asleep unless one of you does something about it."

"Pfft, leave it to Lightning!" the jock proclaimed. "I may be sore, but I'll _still_ be the last one awake!"

Scarlett blinked and stood up. "Very well then. I've reached my limit, so good night." She took a step forward and laid down on the ground. She was out in moments.

As the scoreboard dinged again, the camera panned up to the night sky. The timer sped up alongside a time-lapse of the sky; it finally rested on eighty-five hours as the sun rose for a second time. A few clips of the campers waking up were shown; first was Scott cackling as he scribbled on Ezekiel's forehead with a marker, then Sammy and Dawn waking up next to each other, and lastly was a close-up of Sierra curled up like a cat on top of B's stomach – both looked alarmed at how they'd been sleeping.

The scene flashed again, focusing on the remaining trio of Gophers – Jo and Alejandro hunched over, Shawn still jittery. "Oh man, this is startin' to _get_ to me!" Shawn said as the camera focused on him.

"What is the _matter_ with you people?" Chris said, coffee in hand and looking good. He took a sip. "Come _on_ , fall _asleep_ already!"

"I don't suppose you'd like to share?" Alejandro asked, eyeing the host's steaming drink.

Chris just raised an eyebrow and continued. "Alright. You five stay with me," the shot zoomed out to show the last five standing – Jo, Shawn, Alejandro, Lightning, and Scott – approaching the host, "the rest of you get a shower for _heaven's sake_! You _stink_!"

A shot of B, Geoff, Ezekiel, and Bridgette was shown. "Got it, eh!" the homeschooler said before walking away, not noticing his teammate's snickers or the scribbles on his forehead.

Chris took another sip of coffee, and the music turned ominous. "I didn't want it to _come_ to this," he said, the camera slowly zooming in on his face. "I said that to Chef Hatchet last night, I said 'Chef? I don't want it to come to this!' But _darn_ it, these campers are _tough_! And so, I've come up with the most _boring_ , _sleep-inducing_ activity, I can _find_."

xxx

"Please, I can take _whatever_ he dishes out!" Jo said atop the outhouse toilet. "I mean, how _hard_ can it _be_?"

xxx

The footage cut back to a smiling Chris, the camera rapidly zooming out to show him holding a large hardcover book. "The _History_ of _Canada_ ," he announced in a dull tone, "A _Pop-up_ Book, Chapter One." He opened the book, and an image of a beaver and a few birch logs popped out. "The Beaver. National symbol, and a 'dam' fine hat." He made air quotes around his pun as the last five campers, now sitting in a single row of stumps, groaned.

/

The scene cut to another part of the campgrounds, and panned over to show a group of beavers tail-slapping a group of logs they'd felled. The camera zoomed out until they were well in the background, and the focus of the scene switched to Sam as he walked back to the cabins. He was carrying Dakota bridal style, and the sounds of movement around her finally caused her to stir.

"Unnnhhh... where _am_ I? She moaned sleepily.

"Oh, good morning Dakota!" Sam said, looking down at her and smiling. "Chris said we could go back to the cabins, but I didn't wanna disturb your beauty sleep, so I figured I'd just _carry_ you back."

"Aww, thanks!" Dakota giggled. "You're such a _gentleman_." Sam blushed, and the footage skipped ahead.

/

The timer had reached eighty-seven hours and Chris was still droning on. "...Which of _course_ , was the precursor for the _discussions_ ," both Lightning and Alejandro were shown to have fallen asleep, "leading to the _War_ of _1812_."

The scoreboard updated to show 2-1 in favor of the Screaming Gophers as the focus shifted to those two campers. Shawn raised his eyebrows as Jo finally toppled forward. "You know, if I didn't know what was happening, I'd probably be freaking out right now." he told the camera as his teammate landed with a thud and the scoreboard updated once again.

The scene flashed back to Chris smiling behind his oil-drum-podium. "Time for a bathroom break!" he announced. "Any takers?"

Scott looked around at the three sleeping campers and still-wide-awake Shawn. "Might as well," the redhead shrugged and stood up. "You comin'?" he asked his sole remaining competition.

"Uh, no thanks." Shawn answered, looking slightly suspicious.

"Suit yourself." Scott shrugged again, and walked away.

"You've got _five_ minutes," Chris said as Scott passed him by, "as long as you don't mind a little _company_."

Scott looked over his shoulder and sneered at the person behind the camera. "As long as _you_ don't try to look in the _stall_." The camera's view moved up and down, signaling its holder's assent.

The shot cut back to Shawn. "You can do this, just a little bit more," he told himself. "This is something you've _trained_ for."

The point-of-view changed to the outside of a bathroom stall. "Scott! You in there, man?" a male voice called, presumably the person holding the camera. The stall door swung open and Scott fell forward, pants down and dead asleep.

Chris was subsequently shown waiting and bored at his podium, and was handed a note from someone off-screen. He smiled when he read it. "And we have _news_! It looks like Scott's taken a _dive_ on the can! Which means," he held the note high, "the _official_ winner of the 'Awake-a-Thon' _is_!"

A clip of the only remaining camper falling to his knees was shown, finally showing the effects of exhaustion. "Shawn!" the host announced to triumphant music, reaching down and holding the boy's hand up. "The Screaming Gophers win!" The Gopher's scoreboard flashed and dinged, signaling the end of the challenge.

Footage cut over to the front of the Killer Bass' cabin, where most of the team had gathered. "Man, I can't believe we lost." Geoff lamented.

"I recall _warning_ the team about Shawn's above-average ability to resist sleep deprivation before I myself fell asleep," Scarlett said through bleary eyes. "Did either of you _act_ on that warning?" she stared at the pair who'd lasted longer than her.

"Don't look at _me_!" Lightning said immediately. " _Lightning_ doesn't come up with plays, he just performs them _flawlessly_!"

The group's gaze turned to Scott. "Hey, it's not like any of _you_ did any better!" he quickly waved off.

xxx

"My plan worked _perfectly_ ," Scott laughed in the confessional. "All I had to do was be the _last_ member of my team and I could end the challenge _any_ time I _wanted_! Kinda wish it had been _after_ I finished on the toilet," he scratched the back of his head, grin fading for a moment, "But as long as I put up a good show, _nobody_ would think to question it!"

xxx

The shot switched back to Scarlett's close-up. "Very well then." she told Lightning and Scott. "I suppose I _won't_ blame you for failing to meet my expectations."

"Well, we still gotta figure out who ta vote off!" Sugar interjected.

"Personally, _I_ nominate Dakota." Scott proposed with false solemnity. "She's been useless in both challenges so far, and is _really_ only in this so she can be on _camera_."

"It breaks my _heart_ ," Sugar added with feigned sadness, "but I'm gonna hafta second that."

"Now hold on," Sam said with a hint of anger. " _Sure_ , she didn't jump off the cliff, and she was the first to fall asleep, and she's easily distracted, but that doesn't make her _useless_! I'm sure there's _loads_ of stuff she's good at if we just give her a _chance_!"

Scott snorted. "Oh _please_ , you just want her around for her _looks_."

Sam frowned. "Well she _is_ a tenth-level hottie, but that doesn't make her any less of a _person_! She cares just as much about the competition as anyone else!"

The team's attention was pulled to the door to the girls' side as it slammed open. Dakota emerged, smiling at the camera. She started to look upset when she turned to the other Bass. "Hey everyone! I'm _soooo_ sorry that we lost the challenge, aren't you? I just wish I could have-" she paused, sadness immediately fading, and took out a compact. She spent a few seconds checking her make-up, then put the compact away and looked back at the camera. "Okay, take two!" she told the camera, donning another expression of sadness. The scene panned out to show the annoyed expressions of her team.

/

The scene skipped ahead to the next night, and the elimination ceremony. Chris was shown walking towards the Killer Bass with a plate of marshmallows, the camera zooming in to Sam and Dakota sitting on the end.

"You've all cast your votes and made your decision," Chris said holding the plate in both hands. "There are only _ten_ marshmallows on this plate." The camera got a close-up of the marshmallows before switching back to the host. "When I call your name, come up and claim your marshmallow." The scene panned over the eleven teens, most still visibly tired. "The camper who does _not_ receive a marshmallow, must _immediately_ return to the Dock of Shame, catch the Boat of Losers, and leave." The camera zoomed out to show the whole group. "And you can never come back, _ever_."

"The first marshmallow goes to Scott!" Chris said, the devious redhead getting a close-up before his hand was shown picking a marshmallow off the plate. "Bridgette!" the surfer stood up and went to grab her treat as well. "Lightning!" the host announced next.

"Sha-score!" Lightning cheered, dashing forward.

"Ezekiel!" Chris continued as the homeschooler was shown wiping the sweat off his brow. "Scarlett!" the host shot a grin at the young woman as she donned a smirk of her own. "B!" the silent one gave the host a thumbs up as he retrieved his treat. "Geoff!" the party boy was shown walking off-screen, returning quickly and tossing his marshmallow into his mouth. "Sugar!" Chris looked up to see the girl already reaching for her prize. "Sierra." The tall girl squealed when her name was called, rushing forward and giving the host a hug before snatching her marshmallow.

"Campers, this _is_ the final marshmallow of the evening!" Chris announced, pointing at the sole remaining bit of white on the plate.

"What?!" Dakota gasped as she filed her nails. She looked over at Sam, who gulped.

Shots began to alternate between the two nervous campers, the smiling host, and the final marshmallow as the music began to build.

"Sam!" the host finally announced, raising his hand to the gamer.

"NOOO!" Dakota shouted. "This _has_ to be a _mistake_!" Sam looked sheepishly between the marshmallow Chris was now offering him and the blonde. " _I_ didn't get my _spin-off_ series yet!"

"Too bad!" Chris told her. "The Dock of Shame _awaits_!"

"NOOO!" Dakota screamed again, running in the opposite direction of the dock. The camera zoomed in on her as she ran with no regard to where she was going, and showed her bumping into a large mass that was revealed to be a grinning Chef.

Two final confessionals were shown.

xxx

"Man, I can't believe Dakota's _gone_!" Sam lamented, rubbing the back of his head. The Killer Bass logo was shown in the upper right corner. "I was ready to repeatedly ask her out and get turned down all _season_!"

xxx

The team logo in the corner changed to that of the Screaming Gophers. "Not my _greatest_ work, I will admit – Dakota was _hardly_ instrumental in her team's loss," Alejandro began with a smile, "but I'm glad my little _push_ was enough to get her voted off. She was never a _threat_ , of course, but having one less person on their team will make the _rest_ easier to bend to my will."

xxx

The shot cut back to Chef carrying Dakota over his shoulder down the Dock of Shame.

"You can't _do_ this to me!" she yelled, furiously pounding on Chef's back. "I _demand_ more screen time!"

Chef chuckled as he threw her on the Boat of Losers. As the boat began to speed off, the camera zoomed in on Dakota as she sulked. She noticed the camera, and lit up.

"Oh wait, you're _filming_ this?" she said, excitedly checking her make-up in her compact before smiling for the camera. "Looks like I've hit a little _snag_ , Dakota fans. But don't worry, this won't be the last you've seen of _me_ , especially now that I've got _this_ back!" She pulled out her cellphone, and winked at the camera.

The scene began to iris wipe, before halting suddenly and panning over to Chef in the bridge. "You aren't just gonna call those _photographers_ again, are ya?"

The camera panned back to Dakota, who was struggling to hold her smile and wink. " _No_ ," she told him, finally looking away from the camera. "If you want to know what I have planned, you'll just have to wait and see!" She smiled and winked at the camera again, and the iris wipe finally finished.

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even after all these years, I am absolutely convinced that the 'Awake-a-thon' was nothing more than a glorified all-nighter dressed up with a fake timer to seem more dramatic. The actual events of the episode are just more consistent with the cast being up for about an entire day rather than three and a half.
> 
> Overall, the episode... it's basically just the Samkota moments from her canon elimination episode in 'Truth or Laser Shark' against a different backdrop. Oh, and Jo/Beth/Beardo taking the place of the Heather/Beth/Lindsay alliance. A three-person alliance on a team of ten is not really an effective strategy unless the rest of the team is either incredibly disorganized or incredibly easy to manipulate, but whatever. I basically only included it because it was a good source of character interactions/plot.
> 
> Anyway, this episode is a good showcase of the difficulties of having so many of the series' main villains debuting on the same season. Namely, most of them haven't really been able to do anything... yet, at least. Fortunately, since I came into this knowing it would be a trilogy, I was able to space out the villainy fairly well, but still. Alejandro and Scott both helped cause Dakota's elimination, and this won't be the first time something like this happens.
> 
> Oh well. I don't really mind, it made the season – and the trilogy – more interesting overall.
> 
> And as for Dakota... there really isn't anything to say. She just ended up being the best second boot, for reasons experienced readers should already know.
> 
> Anyway, as always, let me know what you thought, and I'll see you all next time!
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (21st Place)


	4. Dodgebrawl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want a reminder, the teams are as follows:
> 
> Killer Bass \- B, Bridgette, Ezekiel, Geoff, Lightning, Sam, Scarlett, Scott, Sierra, Sugar
> 
> Screaming Gophers – Alejandro, Amy, Beardo, Beth, Dawn, DJ, Jo, Sammy, Shawn, Topher
> 
> \- Fangren

"Last time, on Total Drama Island!" Chris opened as scenes from the previous episode were shown, beginning with a pan downwards from the sun to the campers running. "The Screaming Gophers kicked _butt_ in the Awake-a-Thon when Scott took a dive on the can," the redhead was shown falling out of the stall, "and the Killer Bass suffered their first loss of the game." A clip of the Gophers cheering was shown, followed by a few clips of Dakota posing for her summoned photographers and falling asleep on Sam's shoulder.

"Jo started the _first_ Total Drama alliance by convincing Beardo and Beth to join forces with her," the host continued over footage of the three campers talking to each other, "while Alejandro began working his charms on the Bass, starting with Dakota." The clip of Alejandro talking to the Bass and winking at Dakota was shown. "All the while, Scott continued to sabotage his own team." The schemer's confessional was played alongside him smirking as he went to the bathroom.

"And despite Sam's efforts to defend his crush," the gamer was shown talking with his team after the challenge, "in the end, Dakota's fame-mongering and uselessness in challenges got her kicked off." Footage of the blonde appearing on her team's front porch was followed by her failed attempt to escape her elimination. "She became the _second_ camper to _rock_ the Boat of Losers." The recap finished by showing Dakota being driven off on the boat, winking at the camera.

"Whose plans will be discovered first?" Chris said as the camera cut to him walking up the dock. "Will Shawn be able to stay awake until the end of the episode? And who will take the _next_ humiliating walk down the _Dock_ of _Shame_? Stay tuned for the _most_ dramatic Campfire ceremony yet, on, Total! Drama! Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode opened with an exterior shot of the communal bathroom, before cutting to inside. Ezekiel and Alejandro were the only two campers on-screen, both dressed yet still freshening up. As the toque-wearer brushed his teeth and the tall charmer styled his hair, Alejandro struck up a conversation.

"So amigo, how have you been doing?" he asked as the camera focused on him alone. "This show is much different from what you're used to, correct?"

The camera panned over to Ezekiel. He spat out a bit of foam and toothpaste, and shrugged. "Dunno. Guess I'm still gettin' used to everything."

"Anything in particular?" Alejandro asked with a smile. "I don't mean to _pry_ , of course, but it pains me to see someone in need of help."

"I guess it's mostly just my teammates, eh." Ezekiel answered after a bit of thought. "I just don't _get_ 'em, and not just because I don't understand aboot half the stuff they say. Like how B never talks, or Sierra's obsession with Chris, or how Scarlett is, like, _super_ smart even though she's a _girl_."

Alejandro raised an eyebrow at the third comment. "Yes, I can see how that might be troubling." He finished styling his hair, and looked himself over in the mirror. "Scarlett and Sierra especially. Being of the fairer sex, they are naturally... _weaker_... in some ways, and it is our duty to _protect_ the weak is it not? But that aside, you should try asking your teammates about themselves when you get the chance. I find that people reveal a _considerable_ amount about themselves if you ask the right way."

Ezekiel nodded. "Yeah, that's pretty much what my Dad says too" Finished with his teeth, he started to walk out the door. "Hey, thanks for the advice! You're pretty nice even though we're on different _teams_ an' all."

"No problem. In a way, I am _envious_ of your team's obvious physical superiority, what with having one fewer girl and several _obviously_ gifted young men." Alejandro said, his smirk turning dark when the other boy could no longer see. Then he shuddered in disgust as he caught a glimpse of Ezekiel sticking a finger up his nose.

xxx

"For the record, I do _not_ agree with the idea of men being better than women." Alejandro said from the outhouse confessional. "I simply pretended to do so in hopes of encouraging him to voice such opinions, and act upon them." He tapped his chin and looked thoughtful as he continued. "It's somewhat of a long-shot, but if he takes it upon himself to protect those that do not need protecting, and voices his beliefs about women, he _should_ evoke the ire of his team."

xxx

The scene cut to the cafeteria where all twenty teenagers were eating breakfast; aside from the two who had stayed awake the longest, all seemed well-rested. The camera focused on Jo, Beth, and Beardo, who sat together on one end of the Gopher table. "Let's go over the rules one more time," the jock-ette commanded in a whisper. "First rule: _I'm_ in charge, so _I_ make the rules. Second rule...?" she trailed off.

Beth and Beardo thought for a moment before the young woman responded. "Follow the plan during challenges and votes, and don't cause us to lose?"

"Right," Jo smirked. "And third: break the rules, and you're out of the alliance. Any questions?" Beth and Beardo shook their heads.

"Hey there campers!" Chris said with his usual cheer as he entered the shot of both teams. "Good to see you've all rested up!" The camera focused on the still-exhausted visage of Scott, and the not-as-tired Shawn. "Well, _most_ of you anyway. But I hope the rest of you are prepared to _bring it_ , because your next challenge is in _ten minutes_!"

/

The footage skipped ahead to a distance shot of the campers, Chris, and Chef Hatchet inside a large glass box on the beach. Inside the box was a simple playing field – two adjacent rectangles marked by red tape – tiered seating, and the team banners with the Gophers on the left and Bass on the right. Scott was the last person to enter.

"Uggh... how the heck are you not on the _floor_?" he spat at Shawn after stumbling over to his team.

Shawn shrugged. "I sleep in a _tree_ , dude," he answered as he picked a leaf out of hit hat. "I can handle a little sleep loss."

"Well _lucky you,_ " Scott sneered.

A whistle blew, and the camera panned over to reveal the source: Chef Hatchet in a referee's uniform. He walked across the court and past the campers, silently shaking his head and giving them looks of disgust. He finally stopped next to Chris and a pile of red balls.

"Today's challenge is the _classic_ game of dodgeball," the host explained, holding up one of the balls for the campers to see. "The first rule of dodgeball is: _if_ you get hit with the _ball_ ," he spun the ball in his hands and shot it at Sammy, "you're _out_."

"Oww...," Sammy moaned as the ball slammed into her stomach. To the laughs of her sister she keeled over, the ball falling to the ground.

"Nice _throw_ , Chris!" Topher complimented, picking up the errant orb and tossing it back to the host. He gave no notice of the glares sent his way by DJ and Dawn.

"Thanks, Topher," Chris said as he easily caught the ball. "Now as I was saying, if you _catch_ the ball, the _thrower_ gets sent out and the _catcher_ gets to bring in another team member out on the court."

"Nice catch, Chris!"Sierra blurted out.

"Thanks?" the host said with an eyebrow raised. "It wasn't _hard_ or anything, but whatever. Let's see now...," he muttered, looking over the campers as he readied a one-handed throw. "Lightning! Try to hit me!"

"Sha-yeah!" Lightning cheered, catching the ball as Chris was handed a replacement.

"If you're _holding_ a ball, you can use it to _deflect_ a ball, _but_ ," the host explained, purposely dropping the ball in his hands, "if it knocks the ball out of your hands, you're _out_."

The camera cut over to Amy, who moved her devious smile from her fallen sister to the host. "So, remind us again what we're supposed to do when the ball comes _flying_ at us?"

Lightning's throw was finally shown, and Chris managed to swiftly deflect it with a third ball. "You _dodge_!" The camera followed the speeding ball back to the twins; Amy quickly put her sister in its path. It hit her in the chest this time.

"Oooh," Chris winced, "you were _supposed_ to _dodge_!"

"Hey, you okay?" DJ asked, stooping over and giving her his hand.

"I'll be fine..." Sammy started to blush as she was helped to her feet, but the pain caught back up and made her wince.

"You have one minute until game time!" Chris continued, camera back on him and Chef for a moment before panning over to the campers. "Both teams will have to pick five people to sit out at the start."

/

The scene flashed to Lightning in a huddle with the rest of the Killer Bass "Alright team, we gotta put our _best_ people forward, so who's goin' out there with me?"

"I've got your back, dude!" Geoff answered, putting his hand on the athlete's shoulder.

"Ooh! Pick me! Pick _me_!" Sierra raised her hand excitedly.

The music picked up, and the shot switched to Chef Hatchet overseeing the court. Both teams had put forth their first players: Lightning, Geoff, and Sierra were joined by B and Bridgette for the Bass, while the Gophers had put forward DJ, Beth, Beardo, Jo, and Amy. Each team had three balls in their half of the court, and the rest of the campers had already taken seats in the background.

"You and the other little fishies are going _down_ , Jockstrap!" Jo shot towards Lightning.

"Dude, _please_ ," Lightning countered, "that squad a' _losers_ don't stand a _chance_!"

"Both teams ready!" Chris announced over more shots of the two teams shooting looks across the court. "Best of five games wins! _Now_ ," the camera cut to his close-up before zooming out to show the full court, "let's _dooooodge_ some _ball_!"

Chef blew his whistle, and the benched campers cheered. The first match had begun.

Lightning, Geoff, and Sierra picked up balls for the Bass, staring at their opposites Jo, Beth, and Beardo. "Sha- _bring it_!" Lightning cried as he made the first throw; it shot towards Jo but she dodged and returned fire. The Bass scattered, and Geoff took a shot at Beardo. Had the hairy teen not decided to run in a slow and exaggerated manner with the accompanying sound effects, he may have avoided the hit.

He fell to the ground and the camera cut to Chef blowing his whistle and signaling for Beardo to leave the field. A scoreboard appeared along the bottom of the screen showing 4-5 in favor of the Killer Bass. The Bass on the benches began to cheer again while Jo glared at her alliance-mate.

"Let _me_ show you how it's done!" Amy smirked, stepping forward and chucking a ball at Bridgette. The surfer dodged it easily, and Sierra's swift counter-attack hit the cheerleader straight in the forehead.

Chef blew the whistle again, and the scoreboard updated. "Uggh, watch the _head_ , you _freak_." Amy said as she stomped off the court rubbing her new lump. Sierra blew her a raspberry, and the game continued with her immediately getting beaned in the head by Jo.

"Hah! Blow on _that_!" Jo taunted, and the Gophers cheered for their first hit of the game. "Alright Gophers, let's keep it together!" she continued, making the mistake of turning her back on the other team. "Woah!" Jo exclaimed, bending herself out of the path of Bridgette's ball just in the nick of time.

The jock-ette pointed at Beth to return fire and she obliged, but just as the ball was inches from a cringing Bridgette it was caught. Geoff tipped his hat and winked at his teammate, and Chef signaled for Beth to take a seat and Ezekiel to take the court. The scoreboard dinged, showing the Bass' heavy 5-2 advantage.

Lightning took another pot shot at his two foes, but they dodged aside and DJ sent a volley back. Its intended target the jock managed to get out of the way, but it hit Geoff instead. "Ooh! Sorry man!" DJ winced, seeing the blonde boy go down to the floor.

"No problem, dude...," Geoff answered, hat crooked and eyes spinning.

While the party boy walked off the court, Jo had scooped up another pair of balls. She threw the first at Bridgette while she was distracted. Ezekiel saw it, though, and shoved the surfer out of the way; the ball hit him in the kidney, and he fell on top of Bridgette. The camera zoomed in on him grinning and the young woman looking mildly freaked out – until another ball hit her in the forehead and her expression filled with annoyance.

Chef blew his whistle, and the scoreboard showed the game tied at 2-2. It was now Jo and DJ for the Gophers facing Lightning and B for the Bass.

"Okay Brickhouse, we go for Mr. Muscles first, got it?" Jo muttered to her teammate.

"Got it." DJ nodded, and with balls in hand the two charged forward and threw in-synch. Lightning, with a confident smirk on his face and a ball in his hands, managed to deflect one shot but at the cost of the second hit.

" _What_?" Lightning cried as he was whistled off the court.

"Okay amigos, you can do it!" Alejandro called from the stands as DJ and Jo stared down B.

B began to sweat and panic as the two jocks started throwing balls his way. Despite his size, he proved to be quite agile, rolling beneath one of the balls and snatching another one off the ground. Getting up on one knee he quickly used his thumb to aim and let the shot loose.

It flew hard but wide, and Jo didn't even need to move out of the way. "Hah!" she shouted. "Missed- _gah_!" In her taunting she'd missed the ball ricocheting first off the side of the court and then off the wall behind, hitting her square in the back and taking her off her feet.

"Hmm..." Chris said, rubbing his chin. "Unorthodox, but I like it. Chef?"

The camera panned over to the large referee. "As long as it doesn't touch the ground," he shrugged before blowing his whistle.

The two young black men stared each other down, the last members of their team standing. DJ threw first, but B ducked. The coat-wearer sent his response high into the sky, forcing DJ to look up to keep track of it. Unfortunately for the Gophers it left him open to a quick second volley from B, and the gentle giant went down with his team's score.

Chef signaled the match's end, the scoreboard reading 0-1 as the Killer Bass cheered. B was greeted with a high-five from Geoff as he rejoined his team.

/

The footage cut to the Gophers having a team discussion on their bench. "What do you call _that_?" Jo berated the four she'd brought out to the court with her last match. "I thought we were here to _win_ , not stand around like _idiots_!"

"Now now, I'm sure they all did their best." Alejandro stepped in, placing himself between the tomboy and DJ. "And yelling at us won't make us play better. What we need, my friends, is a _strategy_."

"Oh?" Jo questioned with a snort. "And I suppose _you_ have something in mind?"

Alejandro smirked, and motioned his team into a huddle. "Indeed I do..."

/

The camera cut back over to the Bass. "Okay guys, we can _do_ this!" Lightning said, pumping his arms up and down. "Just two more wins and we've got the challenge in the _bag_! Now who's goin' out there with me and my _smart_ brother?"

"Well, if I _gotta_ ," Sugar offered, "but those balls _better_ not scuff my pageant shoes. Or mess up my _hair_."

/

The shot went back to the court, the players all ready and waiting. The Gophers had fielded Alejandro, DJ, Topher, Shawn, and Sammy to the Bass' Lightning, B, Sugar, Ezekiel, and Sierra.

The whistle was blown, and Lightning, Ezekiel, and Sugar launched balls one after the other, but the Gophers seemed to all be in good form as none were struck out. " _Hah_!" Topher said smugly, walking forward and waving a finger at his opponents. "You people couldn't hit the broad side of a _billboard_!"

Sierra immediately hit him with a ball that had rolled under his legs on the rebound.

"Aggh! My _nose_!" Topher screamed, clutching his face and running off the court – and out of the enclosed playing field entirely.

"Hmmph." Sierra snorted dismissively. "That was for _you_ , Chris! I'm _much_ better than that stupid _faker_ , right?"

"Uhh...," was all Chris could say, giving the tall girl an odd look.

"Well then Screaming Gophers, I believe we can started now, okay?" Alejandro said off-screen, prompting Sierra to turn to face them just as she was pummeled by four balls. The remaining Bass looked on speechless at their teammate's fallen form, not noticing a few of the balls rolling back over the center line.

The point-of-view shifted to in front of the Gophers, showing the four teens holding balls and confident. Moving as one, they threw at Alejandro's signal and easily hit Lightning. The play was repeated with B, and then Sugar, and finally Ezekiel.

"Oh man," Chris chuckled as the homeschooler hit the ground, " _that_ was good enough for an instant replay." The clip pf Ezekiel being struck in the forehead, chin, shoulder, and stomach was shown again, moving according to the host's commands. "Forward... rewind... forward... okay, rewind... and forward... and pause! Haha, _that's_ gonna leave a _mark_." Satisfied, the shot changed back to the court, showing the four members of the Killer Bass still on the floor.

The whistle was blown, and the scoreboard changed from 4-4 to 4-0 in a single flash. "Well whaddaya know, it actually _worked_!" Jo smirked from the bench, genuinely impressed as her team cheered around her.

"Excellent." Alejandro said, walking off the court. "As long as we can keep that up, we shouldn't have any problems winning."

"I don't think it'll be that easy..." Dawn said softly, looking over at the Bass.

/

The camera cut to another team huddle with Lightning taking the lead. "Okay, that was _pathetic_! Even _I_ couldn't do anything! We need to counter that strategy, and _fast_. Any ideas?"

The camera focused on B, who looked thoughtful for a second but shrugged.

"If _I_ may suggest something?" Scarlett offered, and all eyes were on her. "Their strategy, though effective against the unprepared, is a fairly simple one. It is reliant upon two conditions: first, that they coordinate their throws in such a way as to reduce the target's ability to dodge to near-zero; and second, that they maintain control over a sufficient number of balls to maintain their repeated volleys."

"Hold up, can you say that in _English_?" Lightning told the bespectacled young woman.

Scarlett's face fell. "If we keep as many balls on our side as we can and prevent them from working together, we'll win."

"Yeah, well how the heck are we gonna do _that_?" Scott asked, seemingly recovered from his sleep deprivation.

"A modification of their own strategy," Scarlett replied. "One of us keeps track of the balls while the others coordinate shots. We should target Alejandro at the beginning if possible, as he appeared to be the one taking the lead last round. After that, aim for whomever stands out the most. Any questions?" The Bass shook their heads. "Good."

/

A flash sent the scene back to the third match. Scarlett, Sam, and Bridgette joined Lightning and Sierra for the Killer Bass to the Screaming Gopher's team of Alejandro, Dawn, Shawn, Jo, and Beth. The camera panned across each team, balls already in hand, then went back to Chef for the official start.

As with the previous two games, Lightning was the first to throw; this time, however, his ball was joined by those of Scarlett and Sierra. They flew straight towards Alejandro, who was quick to notice and quicker to act. He ducked under Lightning's fastball, and deflected Sierra's follow-up, but was unable to respond to Scarlett's calculated curve. The whistle was blown, the scoreboard updated, and the Gophers were left momentarily stunned.

"What are you _waiting_ for," Jo barked to her teammates, "get a ball and start _throwing_!" She herself led the charge, and inspired Shawn and Beth to follow suit once the latter had claimed a ball of her own. Their target was Sam, who in accordance with the Bass' plan was doing his best to gather the rebounded balls; he'd gotten two of them back to his side of the court, and by serving as a target ensured that three more came over the line. All three hit the gamer and bounced, but Scarlett took over his duties and passed the balls to her teammates.

"Jo next!" she ordered, darting to the back and grabbing a ball for herself. Knowing what was likely to come, the jock-ette scrambled for the one ball she could reach, but was unable to make use of it before she too was struck out.

The score now 3-4 in favor of the Bass, Shawn was the first to act – he rolled to the ground and picked up a pair of balls before they could roll back over the center line. Rather than wait for Beth and Dawn to prepare themselves, he took it upon himself to start targeting Scarlett, but missed both shots. The zombie nut was the next Gopher forced to the bench, and a montage of Beth and Dawn getting hit similarly followed soon after.

The Killer Bass celebrated their second win as the four victorious teens retreated to the bench. "Just as I expected," Scarlett said smugly. "As long as we prioritize their leadership and maintain ball control, we'll be able to win. However, I think we should modify our initial team composition next round in order to prevent them from becoming familiar with the individual style of our best players. Agreed?"

/

The shot cut over to the Gophers. "If _you_ wanna wimp out just because your little _strategy_ stopped working," Jo spat, finger pressed against Alejandro's chest, "then _fine_. But don't expect _me_ to!"

"They were _clearly_ targeting me last round," the handsome boy explained, "it would do us little good for me to go out there again. My talents would be better served figuring out how to beat them _next_ game."

" _Whatever_ ," Jo responded. "Hey, Twin One!" she pointed at Amy, "Go find Topher and get his _lazy butt_ back here!"

" _Samey_!" Amy immediately turned to her sister, "Go find Topher!"

Sammy sighed and left the stands, and the footage skipped ahead to the fourth match.

Jo, Beardo, Dawn, Amy, and Shawn faced down B, Ezekiel, Sugar, Geoff, and Scott. The six balls were already in hand, and the campers merely waited for Chef to blow his whistle.

He did.

Nobody threw a ball. They were held by Geoff, Sugar, B, Amy, Shawn, and Jo, but all of them were holding back, tensed up and waiting. Each team wanted the other side to throw first so they could start collecting balls for a coordinated assault.

The first one to crack was Chris McClean. "Okay, time-out!" he shouted, stepping on to the court. "This is _boring_ , so I'm making a new rule: anyone who holds on to a ball for more than five seconds without throwing it or using it to deflect another ball is _out_. I wanna see some _action_ people!" He stepped off the court, and Chef blew his whistle again.

The sudden flurry of action was slowed down into a montage of hits and misses as the campers threw away their strategies on impulse. Shawn lobbed one at B, who had already thrown at Jo; the jock-ette bounced it away and nailed a panicked Ezekiel. Dawn dodged gracefully only to get hit by Scott just as Sugar knocked out Amy, and the scoreboard showed 3-3. Beardo launched one at Sugar with the force – and sound – of a catapult, and Shawn and Geoff knocked each other out of the game simultaneously.

Jo and Beardo were left staring down Ezekiel. They looked at each other and then at their target; Beardo cocked his arm and they threw. Ezekiel hollered and ran, but he was struck just the same.

Chef blew his whistle, and the scoreboard updated to show the Screaming Gophers' second win.

/

The shot cut to Sammy and Topher returning in the midst of their team's celebration; Topher's nose was stuffed with tissues but otherwise looked fine.

"I, uh, take it we won?" Sammy asked her team hesitantly.

"Indeed we did!" Alejandro answered with a smile. "Not as easily as I'd _prefer_ , but we were _still_ victorious."

"Yeah, but we still need to beat them _one_ more time in order to win the challenge," Jo added. "You two haven't played much, so you're going in this round."

" _What_?" Topher protested. "I'm not risking any more damage to my _nose_!"

"Then you'd better learn to _dodge_!" Jo told him. "By the _way_ ," she turned back to Alejandro, "you ever figure out any new strategies for us like you _said_ you would?"

"I... _do_ have a few ideas," Alejandro admitted, "but they would take too long to explain. For now, we should focus on _distracting_ them and perhaps _catching_ the balls instead of deflecting them."

/

Cutting back to the Bass, the shot focused on Lightning and Scarlett. "Our problem last round wasn't the players' athletic ability" Scarlett argued, "so much as it was their disregard for _strategy_. Even _with_ the additional limitation, with a modicum of thought they could have managed the balls well enough to make the original strategy feasible."

"Oh _please_ ," Lightning argued back, "if they had just _moved_ quicker we would have won _easy_! Lightning'll show you _all_ how it's done!"

" _Fine_ ," Scarlett conceded with a small smirk, "have it _your_ way!"

/

The camera cut back to the host and the music picked up. "Gophers, Bass! Let's send this sample to the lab, and _see whatchya made of!_ " Chef blew his whistle and threw down his arm, and the final match began.

The six balls began in the center for this match, and true to form Lightning was the first to dash towards them. He threw it forcefully at Jo who dodged but missed her counter-throw. A few more balls were shown flying over the middle of the court before the camera began to focus on Alejandro's narrowed eyes surveying the playing field. He quickly homed in on Ezekiel, who had positioned himself between Bridgette and Sierra. The two girls were relatively engrossed in the game and paid the prairie boy no heed.

Looking to his right he caught Topher's eye and motioned to the trio; Topher nodded and the two beautiful young men scooped up a ball each and launched them across the field.

Ezekiel saw both incoming missiles and their intended paths to the young women on either side of him, and his eyes went wide. He wasted a second panicking before making a snap decision to dive in front of Bridgette, not realizing that both of his teammates had already gotten out of the way. He was hit in the groin as he fell to the ground.

The pace of the footage picked up, showing DJ and Bridgette getting hit, and Topher barely catching a ball thrown by Sierra. Beth eagerly took the field, and easily dodged a ball thrown by Scott. Lightning, the consummate overachiever, managed to catch two balls at once – his team erupted in cheers as Sam and Scarlett took the field while Topher and Sammy left it. The brainiac and gamer quickly coordinated a pair of balls towards Alejandro, who caught one but was hit by the other – he and Sam were sent to the bench, and Amy hustled out to the court.

A split-screen showed Jo and Lightning throw at the same time, and catch at the same time – Chef signaled both as being out, and the jocks grumpily allowed themselves to be replaced by Shawn and B. The three Gophers shared a look; Shawn and Beth nodded, but Amy just rolled her eyes and sneered. The brunettes jumped into action, dashing around their side of the court and throwing every ball they came across without regards for aim. Their tactic managed to confuse the Bass long enough for Scarlett to get hit in the crossfire, but B had used the Gopher's commotion against them to eliminate Amy.

More balls were shown flying across the screen; catches from Beth and B caused Shawn and Scott to be replaced by Sugar and Beardo. The two teams stared their opposites down, with the pageant queen taking the next shot, silent genius following shortly thereafter. The two Gophers barely scraped a dodge and deflect between them, and the Bass had already reloaded.

Thinking quickly, Beardo made a good enough imitation of Chef's whistle that Sugar was left momentarily confused and an easy target for Beth. It was now the Gophers' turn to shoot looks of confidence across the court.

"Come on dude, you can do it!" Geoff called from the stands, but B didn't dare to let his eyes wander.

Beth and Beardo grinned at each other, and the human beatbox began to inhale a comically deep breath. B started to sweat, and he quickly rolled to the ground to pick up a ball. He judged the angle hastily but as he was about to throw he was startled by a loud but otherwise incredibly poor roar from Beth. He dropped his ball, looked up, and was nailed in the shoulder by Beardo.

The actual Chef's whistle was blown, the scoreboard updated to 2-0, and cheers erupted from one half of the court. "The Screaming Gophers win!" Chris announced. Beth and Beardo were quickly surrounded and picked up by their teammates who carried them out of the glass-walled field, and the camera panned over to the sorely disappointed losing team. "Bass, what happened?"

"I dunno, eh." Ezekiel answered first. "I thought we were a shoo-in to win, what with them havin' more _girls_ an' all."

Geoff and Sam gasped, and the four young Bass women turned their angry gazes upon him. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Bridgette asked first.

"Yeah, hat boy, _speak up_!" Sugar added.

"Well, guys are much stronger an' better at sports than girls are." Ezekiel explained, oblivious to his teammates' growing anger.

"Dude, you did _not_ just say that." Geoff said in disbelief.

"My Dad told me to look out for the girls here, y'know, protect 'em an' help 'em out." Ezekiel continued, digging himself deeper.

Bridgette gasped. "Is _that_ why you kept taking balls for me?"

" _Whoa_ there, let's give the guy a break." Geoff interrupted moving to separate Ezekiel from the four young women. "I mean, at least he doesn't think guys are smarter than girls, right?"

"But they _are_!" Ezekiel said, and he suddenly found himself face to face with Scarlett.

"Listen. _Closely,_ " she hissed, eyes locked on his. "Neither _I_ , nor _any other_ woman in the world is in need of your _protection_ or _assistance_. Furthermore, and despite cultural stereotypes, there is _absolutely no evidence_ suggesting a significant innate difference between the physical or cognitive abilities of different genders. _Understand_?"

"Yes ma'am!" Ezekiel said, shaking nervously.

xxx

"Man, I was so _psyched_ to have helped win the challenge!" Beardo said with a broad smile on his face and a bottle of soda in his hand. "I think the others are really startin' to warm up to me!"

xxx

The footage resumed with the now-typical elimination ceremony opening shot of the island at night. "Campers!" Chris said over a shot of the marshmallow tray. "You've already placed your votes and made your decision." The camera zoomed out to show the host in full, then switched to a pan over the campers – a few seemed nervous, but the girls in particular were looking at the nose-picking Ezekiel with anticipation, glee, and a bit of disgust. "One of you will be going home. And you can't come back. _Ev-er_." The shot cut back to a solemn Chris. "When I call out your name, come pick up a marshmallow. Sam."

The gamer wiped his brow as the camera panned over to him. As he walked up, the host continued to call out names. "Scarlett. Geoff." The first three campers were shown picking up their treats. "Lightning."

"Sha-woo!" the jock called, quickly leaving his seat.

"Sugar. Bridgette. Scott. Sierra." One by one, the campers were called and shown coming to the campfire to claim their marshmallow until only B and Ezekiel were left. "The final marshmallow goes to..." Chris smiled, holding out his tray as the music took a dramatic turn. The camera panned to B, sweating nervously, and then to Ezekiel, booger on his fingertip but also nervous. "... _B_."

The large young man let out a soundless sigh of relief, and got up to claim his prize.

Ezekiel, thoroughly dejected, got up and started to trudge to the exit. "Looks like old-school values and reality TV just don't _mix_!" Chris commented happily.

"I'm _so_ gonna trash you on my _blog_ once this is over." Sierra told the boy as he walked past her.

"Dunno what that _is_ , eh." Ezekiel stopped to say. He looked back at the faces of his former teammates and opened his mouth again. "An' I guess I was _wrong_ aboot... a whole bunch a' stuff, I guess. Sorry, eh."

The point-of-view shifted to the front of Ezekiel as he walked off, the stony and silent faces of the Killer Bass in the background.

A bout of static marked the shift Chris' close-up. "Alright, some of that actually _was_ dramatic. Kind of." He shrugged and laughed. "What do _I_ care, I get paid either way!"

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so I basically announced right away that Zeke was going home this time, didn't I? Well, whatever, not everything can be shocking and the kid is someone you either focus on or boot early. And in this case, he was an easy third boot.
> 
> I vaguely recall this challenge kinda sucking to write, simply because getting all the dodgeball straight was a bit of a pain. I ended up basically copying the 'rhythm' of the canon games in terms of hits, misses, etc., with some obvious change-ups to make things go the way I wanted them to.
> 
> Other than that... no, not a lot to say. Not a very shippy episode, as opposed to canon. Just kind of continuing on with the established characterizations of everyone.
> 
> As always, let me know what you thought, and I'll see you next time!
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (21st Place)
> 
> Ezekiel - (20th Place)


	5. Not Quite Famous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want a reminder, the teams are as follows:
> 
> Killer Bass \- B, Bridgette, Geoff, Lightning, Sam, Scarlett, Scott, Sierra, Sugar
> 
> Screaming Gophers – Alejandro, Amy, Beardo, Beth, Dawn, DJ, Jo, Sammy, Shawn, Topher

"Last time, on Total Drama Island!" Chris began, the opening refresher beginning with the clip of a camera duct-taped to a totem pole used in the first episode. "The Killer Bass faced their second loss against the Screaming Gophers," footage of the dodgeball game was played, showing both sides making – and taking – hits, "though not before putting up one _heck_ of a fight. There were bruises and risky moves on _both_ sides of the field," clips of Topher getting hit in the nose and Ezekiel taking a ball for Bridgette were shown, "and in the end it was the misogynistic Ezekiel who said too much and got the boot." The Gophers were shown carrying Beardo and Beth off the field in celebration, and then the Bass girls glaring angrily at Ezekiel.

"This week," the host continued over clips of the homeschooler's elimination, "another challenge will send _one_ more camper on a _cruise_ ," the clip of a picture of the show's boat on a suspended signboard from the first episode was shown again and followed by a shot of the boat itself, "to _Loserville_ , Population: _Four_." Chef was shown blowing his whistle before the camera cut to Chris on the docks. "Who will sink, and who will stay afloat?," the host gesticulated down, then up, then pointed to the camera. "Find out _right now_ , on Total! Drama! _Island_!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The scene opened with a shot of the tree tops against the morning sky; the camera panned down to show the two cabins. The shot cut inside the boy's side of the Bass cabin, showing Geoff, Lightning, Sam, B, and Scott still fast asleep, then switched over to the Gopher girls where Amy, Sammy, Jo, and Beth slumbered while Dawn meditated peacefully.

The scene shifted back outside, to a close-up of a seagull nesting in the horn of a loudspeaker. The brief sound of a siren sent it flying, and Chris' voice began to play. "Alright campers!" he announced, "Enough beauty sleep! _Time_ to _show_ us what you're _made_ _of!_ "

/

The footage skipped ahead to a shot from behind the campers; they had assembled on team bleachers in front of a small outdoor stage. "Welcome to our brand new, deluxe, state-of-the-art, outdoor _amphitheater_!" Chris announced, the viewpoint quickly shifting to behind the host looking out at the campers and back. The camera came in for a close-up and the host continued. "Okay, this week's challenge is a summer camp favorite!" Chris announced, raising a single finger and pointing out to his audience. "A _talent_ contest!"

"A talent contest?" Sugar perked up. "Finally! _This_ is what I came here for!"

"Each team has _eight_ hours to pick their _three_ most talented campers," the handsome host continued over more shots of excitement from the campers. "These three will represent them in the show tonight! _Sing_ , _dance_ , _juggle_ , anything goes as long as it's _legal_!" The camera briefly cut back to the campers before the shot took it's place among them.

"You'll be _judged_ by our resident talent scout, former DJ, VJ, _and_ rap legend, Grand Master Chef!" Chris' voice took on the quality of a sports announcer as he reintroduced Chef, and the view switched back to the host's close-up as his explanation continued. "Who will show his _approval_ via," with both hands he pointed to a spot above his head, "the _Chef_ -o-meter!" A picture of a wooden spoon appeared on the top of the screen; the bowl held a portrait of Chef, and set in the handle was the nine-sectioned meter that would display the score by lighting the appropriate number of sections green. "The team that loses will send one camper home _tonight_. Good luck!"

The host began to walk off the stage, but was interrupted by a sudden screaming from off-screen. The camera quickly panned up to show none other than Dakota strapped in to a hang glider and rapidly approaching the set. "What the...?!" Chris exclaimed as the blonde crashed through her former team, landing on a certain gamer.

"Hey Sam!" Dakota smiled as she detached herself from the glider and removed her pink helmet.

"Oh, hi Dakota!" Sam answered the girl on top of him with an awkward chuckle.

"Excuse me, Dakota?" Chris called out, looking annoyed. "You're no longer in the competition, _remember_?"

"I don't care about the _money_ ," the heiress said as the camera turned back to her in the middle of removing her harness. "Like I _need_ it. I just want, _umm_ , close-up please?" she waved the camera forwards, and the person behind it obliged. "Thank you," Dakota told the guy, clasping her hands against her cheek. "I just want camera time! People need to see my _sparkly adorableness_ if I'm gonna get my spin-off reality series."

She winced suddenly, and the camera zoomed out to show that Chef had appeared beside her and grabbed her by the arm. The hulking man lifted her up and took her over to the stage, where Chris waited. "You know how you walked down the Dock of _Shame_ a couple episodes ago?" he told her. "That means you're _done_ , _for-ev-er_."

"No, _please_ , I'll do _anything_!" Dakota squealed.

"Listen, _Princess_ , this is _my_ show, and-" his rant was interrupted by a sudden call on a cellphone he extracted from a pants pocket. "Huh?" he answered, smiling when he heard a voice on the other end. He cupped the mouthpiece and told the captive girl, "It's your _daddy_!"

The shot panned over to Chef and a smiling Dakota as the host continued the call. "Hello, Mr. Milton!" the shot cut back to Chris as his eyes shot open and grin enlarged. " _How_ much money?" The camera zoomed out to show all three as the host ended the call and stowed away his phone. "You're back!" he told the blonde.

" _Yes_!" Dakota cheered, turning to the camera and smiling cutely. "Thanks, Daddy!"

"As an _intern_!" Chris finished happily.

"An _intern_?" the rich girl whined as Chef carried her off stage, " _NOOOOOOO_!"

"Hey, if you get settled in _fast_ enough, you might be able to help with today's _challenge_!" Chris called after them with a laugh. "Alright," he turned back to the largely shocked campers, "the rest of you can get started!"

The campers began to walk back away from the stage. "This seems like it'll be _quit_ e a difficult challenge for us to win," Alejandro said loudly and with a quick aside glance towards the Bass. "Not to diminish our _own_ talents, of course, but _they_ have a pageant winner on their team. No doubt Sugar knows _all_ about winning talent competitions, and don't get me _started_ on how _talented_ she must be herself!"

The shot cut over to the queen in question, now all puffed up and strutting alongside her team. "Y'know, I think _I_ should be in charge a' this challenge," she told the other Bass, "on account a' me havin' the most _experience_ an' all."

"S'cool with me." Geoff answered.

"Lightning's fine with that too," the jock added.

/

A shrill whistle moved the scene in front of the cabins, where Jo stood before her team with a clipboard. "Alright Gophers, _I'll_ be taking charge of this challenge, if there aren't any _objections_ ," she glared at Alejandro.

The charmer shrugged and smiled. "You've certainly proven yourself to be an effective leader, so I see no reason to deny you the position.

"Good," Jo smiled smugly. "Now, I want everyone to show me their _talent_ so I can pick who's going to compete. Who wants to go first?"

"Oh, I'm _very_ good at palm reading!" Dawn said from just off-screen, the shot zooming out to show her standing just inches from a startled Jo. The petite young woman seized her teammate's hand without asking, splaying it palm-up and peering closely at it. "Let's see...according to this, your _greatest_ victory will never come if you seek it out."

"Gah!" Jo finally reacted, pulling her hand back and clutching it close to her body. "Okay, _no_ , we are _not_ putting your creepy nonsense on stage." Dawn frowned and shook her head, walking back to the rest of her team. "Next!" Jo barked.

/

The camera quick-panned to the Bass, who also had gotten together in front of their cabin. Sugar was looking over them with her hands on her hips. "Okay... _you_!" she pointed at Sam, "What's yer talent?"

"Uhhh, I'm really good at video games," Sam said, scratching the back of his head. "I guess I could do a speed run or go for a high score, but I'd need to ask Chris for my Gameguy back."

Sugar looked thoroughly unimpressed. "I don't think so. This ain't a _game_ , it's a _competition_ , and we need ta show off some _real_ talents!"

"Well, what about _your_ talent?" Scott asked snidely.

"Hah!" Sugar snorted. "A _real_ pageant queen doesn't just show off her talent, not when the _competition_ might see it." She pointed her thumb over her shoulder and the camera rotated to show the Gophers in the distance behind her. "Besides, I _already_ know what _I_ can do, this is about the _rest_ a' ya tryin' to _impress_ me."

/

Back with the Gophers, DJ leapt onto the screen in a white leotard and holding a long pink ribbon on a stick. Dainty and elegant music played as he twirled and spun the ribbon in a display of rhythmic gymnastics.

"Yeah, _no_." Jo said bluntly, the music screeching to a halt. "I don't think Chef is gonna be impressed by _ribbon dancing_."

Dejected, DJ sniffed and rejoined the rest of his team. "Umm, if it helps, _I_ really liked it." Sammy said, uncertainly putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Thanks. It means a lot." DJ told her. The camera panned over to Amy, watching the pair and scowling.

/

It was B's turn to audition for the Killer Bass. Sugar and the others watched the large boy skeptically as he dashed around the campgrounds, picking up sticks, and rock, and vines, and other assorted debris. Once he'd gathered a large pile, he became a flurry of motion. In no time at all, he'd created a bust of himself out of the materials in the area.

"Ooh, do me! Do _me_!" Sugar said excitedly. B shot her a smirk and rearranged his sculpture in a flash so that it resembled the southern girl. "You've got yerself a spot in the show!" Sugar told him, and the silent genius gave the camera a thumbs up.

/

The music turned peppy as the scene cut back to the other team. "Gophers, Gophers, we're the greatest," Amy cheered as her sister silently following the routine alongside her, "to-night's win will be our latest!" She cartwheeled away from her sister then turned around, launching into a series of handsprings as she continued the cheer. Sammy readied her own hands and caught her slightly-older sister's legs as she jumped close, and Amy was lifted into the air. She struck a pose to finish the cheer. "Goooooo Gophers!"

Jo scratched her chin for a moment before making her decision. "I like your _spirit_ , Amy. I wasn't really feeling it from _Samey_ , but I guess you need _someone_ to hold you up."

"Yeah, that's pretty much all she's good for." Amy said as she was lowered to the ground. "But still," she looked at her sister, "you should at least make an _effort_ to smile."

Sammy sighed. "Yes, of course."

"Good," Jo told them. "Between the two of you and Beardo, we only need one more act. Let's take a short break, but I want to see something from _everyone_ that hasn't already auditioned."

As the Gophers dispersed, DJ caught up with the younger cheerleader who'd been left alone by her sister. "Hey! Just wanted to say I think you did pretty good."

"Oh, thanks..." Sammy said, rubbing her arm sheepishly. "I didn't do _much_ , just, _you know_ , do what Amy told me to..." DJ opened his mouth to say something, but Sammy kept going. "Even though we _really_ should have had more people to hold her up..."

"Well, you still did a pretty good job," DJ told her, "and nothin' bad happened! I bet you'll be _great_ in the show tonight."

"Yeah, I _hope_ so..." Sammy said quietly.

The camera panned over to show Amy watching them from the door to the Gopher girl's room.

xxx

"Uggh, if _Samey_ think that _she's_ gonna be the first to get a boyfriend here," the meaner twin began, arms folded save for a swat at a fly, "then she's got another thing _coming_. Of course, she can _have_ crybaby _DJ_ – I mean, _gag_ ," she mimed sticking her finger in her mouth, "have you _seen_ him? He's a _loser_ _!_ I can do better than _tha_ _t_ _!_ "

xxx

"Okay," Sugar announced as she looked over her teammates, "Bridgette, yer next!"

"Right!" the surfer said, walking forward. "I can stand on my hands for _twenty_ minutes. Watch!" She fell into a handstand, and took a few tottering steps around the common area.

Sugar pursed her lips and snorted. "C'mon, that's just a _pet_ trick! Next!"

Bridgette sighed and got back on her feet, while Sierra eagerly thrust her hand in to the air. Sugar looking at her was all the tall girl needed to dash in front of the group and start. "I can recite, from memory _and_ in chronological order, _every_ line ever said by Chris in a film, TV show, or song." She took a deep breath in preparation.

"NEXT!" Sugar interrupted, forcing and end to Sierra's audition.

/

The scene cut back to Amy as she spotted Alejandro spying on the competition. "Hi Alejandro!" she said, sliding up next to him and batting her eyes.

"Oh!" the handsome young man said as he noticed his teammate. "What can I do for you?"

"Oh, not much...," the blonde smirked, peeking around the corner she and Alejandro were standing behind while getting closer to him all the while. "Spying on those _losers_ I take it?"

"It never hurts to know what the _competition_ is up to," Alejandro answered, "especially when our so-called _'leader'_ gives us time to ourselves during a challenge."

"Uggh, Jo's the _worst_ , right?" Amy rolled her eyes and ducked back behind the building. "All _ugly_ and _gross_ , it's like she doesn't even _care_ about her looks. It's only a matter of time before she gets voted _out_."

"True," Alejandro admitted with his eyes still on the Bass, "but not until we can break her _alliance_ with Beth and Beardo."

"Those _freaks_?" the blonde scoffed. "It _figures_ the ugly losers would stick together. But _speaking_ of _alliances_...," she nestled herself close to her preoccupied teammate.

"Ah, I _see_...," Alejandro said, finally turning his gaze back to the cheerleader. "I hope you do not take this the wrong way – I find you _quite_ attractive, the most _beautiful_ girl on the island even," Amy blushed and giggled, "but I'm afraid I must _decline_ your advances. We hardly know each other, it wouldn't be _right_ to hook up so quickly."

Amy's face fell and she took a step away from him. " _Fine_." Alejandro offered one last smile, which forced the cheerleader to averted her eyes to hide her blush.

/

The music took a more radical tune as the scene shifted back to a shot of a few clouds above the treetops. Geoff entered view from the right, rode a skateboard up and off a slanted rock in the foreground, performed a kickflip, and landed off-screen. The camera cut to a shot of a stump near the Bass cabin as B, Sierra, and Sam watched in the background. Geoff rode in from the right and up the side of the stump, coming to a stop and kicking the board up to his hands.

As the Bass cheered, Bridgette and Sugar approached the party boy. "Well, I guess those fancy tricks of yers should be good enough," the pageant queen remarked. "I'm probably gonna win anyway, but you an' B should be good warm-up acts."

"Hey, I'm gonna be on _TV_ , man!" Geoff exclaimed in his excitement.

The camera panned over to Bridgette. "You're already _on_ TV, Geoff," she told her fellow blonde.

"Oh yeah!" Geoff said as the camera panned back to him, and he ran up close to it. "Hello out there, _dudes_!"

/

The footage skipped back to Topher striking poses for his team. "Feast your eyes on the _Topher Experience_!" he said, showing off every angle of his body for the camera.

"Are you _kidding_ me?" Jo said. " _Next_!"

Another skip forward and the music turned frantic as Beth was shown twirling a pair of batons, both of which had been lit ablaze. The shot zoomed out to show her team sitting on picnic tables behind her, then focused on Shawn, Beardo, and Jo as the girl swung a baton too close for their comfort.

"Uh, are you sure that's _safe_?" Shawn asked as he recoiled in fear.

"It's okay," Beth lisped as the focus moved back to her, "I've been _practicing_!" She tossed one of her batons high into the air, looked uncertainly at the second still twirling in her hand, and sent that one flying too. It arced high, and most of the Gophers ducked behind the tables to avoid getting hit.

As they peaked out over them, the camera panned over to show their move had been unnecessary – Alejandro had managed to catch both. "I _kinda_ missed the catching class..." Beth explained sheepishly.

"Thankfully, there was no harm done," Alejandro told her. "Plus, it gives me the opportunity to show off one of my _many_ talents for the team's consideration." The other teens looked on in interest as the charmer began to juggle to the blazing batons with ease, and even added a few odds and ends from his pockets to the mix. At the peak of his performance he had seven objects in the air including the batons, and he took them out of rotation one by one until it was only the batons once again. He flashed a smile, then deftly snuffed the flames in the dirt.

"Good job," Jo told him, "looks like you _aren't_ all talk after all." She blew her whistle. "Okay people, we've got our acts, so from now until the show I expect _everyone_ to be getting ready, got it?"

/

The scene cut to Amy walking through the camp by herself. "If the hottest guy here isn't biting," she muttered to herself, "that doesn't leave me many options for a good boyfriend." She began counting on her fingers. "My team only has _Topher_ left, but the Killer Bass have...Lightning, and maybe Geoff? They don't seem very _smart_ , so I should be able to get _one_ of them eating out of my hand in no time."

The camera panned to the left, showing none other than Lightning in the middle of a jog. The camera moved back to the cheerleader, who smirked. "Yoohoo, Lightning!" she called as the jock passed by.

"Huh?" Lightning grunted as he skid to a halt. Spotting Amy waving at him, he grinned and walked up to her. "Whassup, girl? You like what you see?"

"You know it...," Amy said, eyes drinking in the athlete's body. "Wanna make out?"

It was Lightning's turn to look over the other teen's body. "Hmm.. the Lightning doesn't just make out with _anyone_ , so why should he give you the pleasure of being the first girl on the island to get with _him_?"

Amy scoffed playfully and put a hand on her hips. "Uh, _hello_? Cheer Captain here! And you _know_ I'm the hottest girl on the island. It's only _natural_ that we hook up."

Lightning smirked. "That you are, and that it is." He turned serious again. "But Lightning don't know about hookin' up with someone on the other _team_."

" _Those_ losers?' Amy rolled her eyes. "Puh- _lease_! Why would I care about _them_ when I can have a winner like _you_?"

"Girl, I like the way you _think_!" As the two moved closer to each other, the camera panned up and cut away to a different shot of the sky.

/

Panning back down, the camera revealed Alejandro with a look of bewilderment mixed with disgust.

"Hey, what're _you_ doin' over here?" The point-of-view shifted to the spy's back, showing Sugar standing alone behind the cabin.

"My _apologies_ ," Alejandro began, stepping out from hiding. "I heard you _practicing_ , and couldn't help but get a closer look! You really _are_ quite talented, but that's to be expected from a woman with _your_ beauty and singing voice."

"Yeah, I know," Sugar chuckled, walking up to her competitor and expression shifting into a glare. "But I _ain't_ puttin' on a show, so get yer butt _outta_ here!"

"Again, I apologize for the intrusion!" Alejandro said, backing up a few inches. "Although... as good as you are, I _doubt_ it'll be enough to beat my team. Which is a _shame_ , since there's a couple people I want to get rid of. Perhaps we can come to some sort of... _arrangement_?" He flashed a smile at the pageant queen, who simply narrowed her eyes.

"I'm listenin'..."

xxx

Sugar began her confessional with a snort. "I _know_ he's tryin' ta _play_ me; I've been in _more_ than enough pageants to recognize the ol' 'I wanna lose so here's how to improve yer act' routine." She waved her hands in the air in place of air quotes. "Heck, I've _used_ it a few times myself! It's _obvious_ his 'tips' would only _hurt_ my chances at winnin'." Sugar crossed her arms smugly.

xxx

"Simple reverse psychology," Alejandro explained in his own turn at the outhouse. "I told her to change her act, so she keeps it _exactly_ the _same_." He grinned. "Of course, all the advice in the _world_ wouldn't be enough for her to actually _win_ the talent competition. "

xxx

The scene cut to the Killer Bass waiting on stage; Geoff sat on the edge tweaking his board, Scott sat a little ways away whittling a chunk of wood, B played cards on a few crates with Sierra, Sam, and Scarlett, and Bridgette stood watching contentedly.

"So, can you really stand on your hands for _twenty minutes_?" Geoff asked his fellow blond.

"Wanna bet that I _can't_?" Bridgette told him, pulling out an unwrapped chocolate bar and waving in enticingly.

"Oh, you're on!" Geoff agreed instantly.

"Oh _please_ ," Scott snorted, "like _anyone_ could stand on their hands for _that_ long."

"Actually," Scarlett interjected while placing a card down, "twenty minutes isn't an unreasonable length of time for a handstand for someone with the proper training. I do, however, remain skeptical of _Bridgette's_ ability to to stay balanced for such a prolonged period."

Bridgette just smirked. "Well then, _ante up_."

The shot changed to a close-up of the Bass dropping their bets – mostly spare change and sweets – on one of the crates, then the camera zoomed out and panned over the Killer Bass to the surfer.

"Okay," she told them, "twenty minutes, starting...," she readied herself, " _now_!" Just as during her audition, she fell forward into her handstand, and took a few steps around. As she walked across the stage, the camera panned up to one of the stage lights, and back down along a connected rope. As Bridgette passed by, she unwittingly got her leg caught in the rope. Though she continued to walk, the rope hampered her; she eventually tried to pull her leg free, but the camera cut to the rope untying and unwinding itself.

From below, the light was seen falling, and the camera cut away just as it crash-landed. It cut back to show Scott, eyes wide in alarm, prone on the ground having narrowly dodged the falling fixture. He quickly composed himself, and the camera caught his glance up at the lights before he got to his feet.

"Oh _crap_ , are you alright?" Bridgette exclaimed, rushing to her teammate's aide.

"And just _what_ is going on here?" An annoyed voice took the focus off the Bass as Chris entered the scene, looking between the scattered campers and the fallen light. "I'd normally be pretty ticked off at you guys for wrecking the stage," he scowled briefly before his grin resurfaced, "but this gives me a chance to have my new _intern_ get to work!"

The host snapped his fingers, sending the camera panning over to Dakota. She'd changed out of her former pink ensemble and into the khaki pants and a red shirt similar to Chris', and was looking rather put-upon.

"I want that light back up there in time for the talent contest, so get to work!" Chris ordered, prompting a groan from the former contestant. "And _no_ asking for help! If you want your screen time, you've gotta _earn_ it!" He walked away, leaving the Bass to awkwardly watch their former member struggle to move the fallen light.

xxx

"Okay, klutzy surfer girl is going as soon as I can figure out how to blame _her_ for us losing the talent contest," Scott sneered into the confessional. "And, y'know, figure out how to get another _light_ to fall during one of our acts."

xxx

The presence of Alejandro, Beardo, and the twins preparing backstage with Geoff and B indicated that the footage had skipped ahead to shortly before the competition. Sugar appeared from stage right, a lavender sheet draped around her shoulders which hid most of her body. She strutted confidently past the other campers, earning most of their attention and a variety of looks.

"I hope yer all prepared ta _lose_ ," she announced, "'cuz the main attraction just _arrived_."

"Well I, for one, look forward to your performance." Alejandro replied with a smile.

xxx

"And _especially_ to how her team reacts to their so-called 'Pageant Queen'." Alejandro chuckled in a brief confessional

xxx

The static cut to a spinning background of orange and yellow rays, upon which the Killer Bass and Screaming Gopher logos rotated into view in the middle of the screen. " _Iiiiiiit's_ the TDI Talent _Extravaganza_!" Chris' voice announced, the facing logos backing away from each other then colliding in a shower of stars. The camera cut to a distance shot of the host on-stage; night had clearly fallen and the non-competing campers could be seen watching in the stands.

"Welcome," Chris said as the point-of-view moved behind him and panned across the seated teens, "to the very first Camp Wawanakwa Talent Contest," the view switched to the host's close-up as he thrust a finger at the camera, "where _seven_ campers will showcase their mad skills, and _desperately_ try not to humiliate themselves." The shot zoomed out to show Chris standing to one side. "First up for the Killer Bass, is _Geoff_!"

A brief cut to the Bass applauding and cheering their teammate before the focus shifted to the stage. Music began to play as the party boy burst out from backstage on his skateboard. He picked up speed as he traveled across the stage, then kickflipped off it and stuck the landing. Geoff circled back, grinding across the front of the Gopher's bleachers, kickflipped back off, turned himself around while the board was moving, and slid across the Bass' front row while shooting a wink and finger pistol at Bridgette. He spun himself around as he got back on the ground, built up more speed, and jumped back on stage. He rolled to a halt at centerstage, and kicked his board up into his hands.

The Killer Bass cheered.

xxx

"Did you _see_ that?" Bridgette gushed. "That was _amazing_! We _sooo_ have this in the _bag_!" She sighed dreamily, realized she was still in the outhouse, and flushed with embarrassment.

xxx

"Okay dude," Chris applauded as he walked out on stage, "those were some pretty _rad_ moves, and it looks like I'm not the only one who thought so!" The host put his arm around the party boy's shoulder as the 'Chef-o-meter' appeared on the top of the screen, the first seven sections filling with green and dinging.

The Bass were shown cheering again before switching back to Chris' close-up. "First up for the Screaming Gophers," he announced, "Make some noise for the twins, Amy _and_ Samey!" Their team was shown cheering before the two cheerleaders cartwheeled into the spotlight.

"Total Drama Island is the best show on TV;" Amy cheered with her sister shadowing her every move;

"And all of us compete to win a case full of money!" The elder twin stepped in front of her sister and Sammy, forced smile straining, lifted her up by her thighs.

"Chris McClean is _handsome_ ," the cheer continued with Amy faking a swoon and Sammy trying to keep her sister up;

"and Chef Hatchet is so _strong_ ;" she flexed her arms and her sister wobbled;

"The _Bass_ think they'll be _winning_ but the _Gophers_ know they're _wron_ _g_ _!_ " The elder blonde struck a dramatic pose, and the younger finally lost her grip.

" _Gooooooo_ GOPH-aaaahgh!" The twins lost their balance and crumpled to the floor.

"Nice cheer," Chris told them as he walked out, "but maybe Samey should practice her stunts a bit more. Let's see what Grandmaster Chef thinks!" He raised his arm and the Chef-o-meter appeared once more, registering a mere four. "Not much," the host frowned at the camera. The girls walked off the stage, Amy glaring at an ashamed Sammy. " _So_ , with two down and _four_ acts to go, the Killer Bass are making a _killing_. Next on-deck, _B_!" He raised his hand and backed off the stage. "Do your thing, bro!"

The silent genius walked out into the spotlight and bowed to the audience. He grinned and snapped his fingers, sending the camera panning left as Dakota was shoved into view. She smiled and waved at the camera and held up a partially-filled garbage bag. Walking over to B, she dumped the contents of the bag at his feet – a few branches, vines, and stones as well as a considerable amount of food waste. B took a deep breath and got to work.

He hid his work behind his bulk, so the audience – and camera – only saw a few things moved or accidentally sent flying. After nearly a minute of work he stopped suddenly and revealed his creation: a scale model of the island. His team applauded his work and the camera zoomed in for a better view, but as it did a stiff breeze blew across the stage. The replica trembled for a moment as its creator looked on in dread, and then it collapsed into an unrecognizable mess.

"Well, it was nice while it lasted dude." Chris said as he stepped back into view; the Chef-o-meter showed a four. "Seems like Grandmaster Chef agrees! Intern, why don't you clean this up for us!" B walked off in defeat and Dakota stepped up in resigned humiliation. " _Three_ down, and _three_ to go, and the Screaming Gophers are _totally_ sucking so far. Let's here it for _Alejandro_!"

The Gopher's charmer stepped on stage accompanied by a stereotypically Latin American tune and his hands behind his back. "Friends," he opened, "tonight, I shall _juggle_ for you." He revealed a trio of oranges in his hands. "If any of you have anything to add, by all means throw it in – I'd like this to be a _challenge_ after all." He smiled at the audience, and his teammates laughed and cheered.

He started off simple, getting the oranges up into the air with ease. As per his request the other Gophers ran up to the stage and tossed various items at him – Shawn threw a bag of chips, Beth her shoes, and Jo a small dumbbell – and all were integrated without missing a beat.

The shot focused in on Chris' head peeking out from behind the curtain. " _Anything_ , you say?" he smiled devilishly, the camera following him backstage where he shot a glance at his latest intern.

"Um... do I have something on my face?" Dakota asked him, looking up from her nails.

The camera cut back to the front of the stage as the heiress was tossed into view by an unseen force. To his credit Alejandro managed to catch her, but in his shock he dropped a shoe and the bag of chips. Thinking quickly he tossed her back into the air and caught his other juggled items, dropping them gently to the floor just as Dakota back into his arms. "My sincerest apologies," he told her with his face close enough to make her blush, "I hope you are not hurt?"

"Oh, no, I'm fine..." Dakota stammered as she was let go. The camera cut to a shot of Sam scowling from the stands.

"Hahahaha! _Sorry_ about that, dude!" Chris laughed as he took to the stage. "I just couldn't help myself!"

"...No harm done." Alejandro forced after a moment.

"Anywho," the host wiped a tear out of his eye, "looks like Chef enjoyed the act as well." He pointed to the Chef-o-meter, which flashed a seven. "Looks like you've managed to tie things up for your team! We'll take a quick break, and then see how our _last_ two contestants fare!"

A simple blank-and-white animation of a man ironing a shirt – and his hand – in front of an old television set was shown as a means of transition.

xxx

"Uggh, who does that guy think he _is,_ treating Dakota like that?" Sam grumbled within the confessional. " _Chris_ , I mean. Although I didn't really like watching Alejandro _flirt_ with her either."

xxx

"Welcome back to the TDI Talent Extravaganza!" Chris' voice announced over the same 'clashing logos' animation that had opened the contest.

"Welcome back!" the man himself repeated. "The score is tied up with Alejandro's juggling and Geoff's skate tricks. It's up to our last two competitors to score _higher_ than their teammates did, or else we'll be going into a tie-breaker. _So_ , without further delay, here she is for the Bass, Sugar!"

The blonde who stepped on stage wasn't the pageant queen, but rather Dakota. "Umm, hold on...," the heiress said, taking out a long piece of paper. "She's a... genu-wine? Angel, who's come to earth to... _shave_ us?"

" _Save_ us!" Sugar hissed from out-of-sight.

" _Right_ ," Dakota said, "to _save_ us from our boring, un-glitzy lives with her..."

"Skip the intro!" Chris ordered in a hushed tone.

"Well _fine_ , she wasn't doin' it right _anyway_ ," Sugar said as she walked into the spotlight, sheet still draped around her. She shoved Dakota off-stage and turned to face the audience. "Dear fans! You know me as _Sugar_ ," the pageant queen began. The camera cut to both the Gophers and the Bass, most looking confused save for Alejandro's anticipatory smirk. "But my farmies on the farm call _me_ ," she threw off her covering to reveal an alternate colored version of her regular outfit – white blouse and pink pants rather than pink blouse and blue jeans – with matching hat and a gold cowbell around her neck, " _Sugar Silo_!" The sound of a lackluster trumpet was played. "The _only_ artist ever to combine _rap_ an' country. I call it, Craptry!" She snapped her fingers and music started to play – a harp at first, but it quickly changed into a hip-hop beat.

"Sugar _Silo_! I'm wicked _sweet_ , I tap it when I rap it with a tasty _beat_!" she licked her lips in a close-up, and shots of the Bass, the Gophers, and even Chris and Dakota were shown of them becoming increasingly alarmed.

"I don't like milk from a Jersey _cow_ , I'm the Queen of Craptry, you all should _bow_! Sugar _Hollaaa_!" The camera tilted as she hit the high note, and she began to strut around stage.

"Sugar Silo _go_ , dosey _doe_! Sugar Silo _here_ to win the _dough_! Sugar _Hollaaaaa_!" The next high note was enough to shatter the camera lens, startle a flock of birds out of the nearby trees, and even cause the sharks in the lake to wince.

"Like a talking _horse_ , the truth I _speak_ ," she danced across the stage as though on an invisible steed, "I'll beat out Mister _Juggle_ and the beatbox _freak_!" She pointed a thumb behind her, and the camera panned to Beardo and Alejandro backstage with their eyebrows raised.

"Am I _trippin'_? No _way_ , I'm bein' for real! I'm gonna _win_ this hundred-grand _deal_! Sugar _Hollaaaaaaaaa_!" Her final high note caused every human to clutch their ears in pain.

" _That's_ how it's _done_!" Sugar congratulated herself.

"Yeah, _no_." Chris told her, visibly displeased as he stepped into view. " _Never_ do that again, Sugar." To emphasize the host's point, the Chef-o-meter gave her a single point.

" _What_? That _can't_ be right!" Sugar protested as she was forced backstage. "I _demand_ a recount!"

Chris took a moment to regain his composure and his signature smile. "Well then, it's down to the final act of the night. Can _Beardo_ do better than Sugar? I certainly _hope_ so. Can he do good enough to win for his team? _Let's_ find out!"

Beardo stepped out to applause from his team; he waved to them. "Hey! This is gonna be longer than what I normally _do_ ," he told them, "so please, be patient and see it _through_." He took a deep breath, and began to beatbox.

He opened with a remix of Edvard Grieg's "Morning Mood", one of the tunes classically used to signify the start of a new day. He ended it abruptly with a short siren, then moved into an awe-filled tune. That, in turn was ended by a sudden whooshing noise, which was followed by a crash and a series of alternating sharp and dulcet tones. He imitated Chris' ring tone, which raised a few eyebrows among the crowd, then made a trumpet fanfare which quickly fell flat.

For a moment he seemed to have returned to a more standard form of beatboxing, until he interrupted is with a shrill whistle. More whistles alternated between other sounds – a mystic sort of tune, followed by a graceful and elegant tune, and so on until a hectic tune mixed with the roar of a fire, each bringing a smile to the face of one of his team members.

After imitating a flame being extinguished, Beardo made the sound of a video being fast-forwarded. From then his sounds came low and slow and tense, before erupting into a fanfare. The sound of a skateboard rolling over wood was followed by seven quick dings; the tune of the twin's cheer was followed by a crash and a quartet of sad rings. The sound of frantic movement and collapse and four tones; objects flying into the air and seven.

Seeing the audience at the edge of their seats, Beardo shifted into a hip-hop beat, and interspersed it with the sound of glass shattering three times. The sound of a buzzer, and he trailed his beatboxing into silence.

The Bass in the stands were shown slack-jawed and stunned, but even they couldn't help but cheer and applaud. Alejandro and Sammy both emerged from backstage to congratulate their teammate, and even Amy seemed to be impressed enough to stand near him.

"Great rendition, dude!" Chris added his own applause, the Chef-o-meter flashing a full nine. "Check it out! Grandmaster Chef has declared his winner! Despite their efforts, the Killer Bass have been _trampled_ by the Screaming Gophers!"

The other Gophers swarmed the stage, with Beth giving her teammate a giant hug. "You were _awesome_ , Beardo!" she told him.

"And _as_ for the Killer Bass," Chris announced, stepping away from the winning team. Those still on the bench were shown looking at the host in fear. "Pick you favorite _loser_ , and I'll see you at the _bonfire_."

xxx

"We lost without me _doing_ anything?" Scott confessed. "Feels kinda _weird_." He rubbed the back of his neck, then shrugged, "But I ain't _complainin'_. Too bad I'll have to _wait_ to get _Bridgette_ booted off."

xxx

"Kudos to you all for an _incredible_ night of entertainment!" Chris said over the night-time shot of the island. The shot changed to Geoff and Bridgette already holding marshmallows and smiling at each other. "Stunts, _drama_ , and some _wicked_ wipe-outs," the camera panned across the Bass showing Sierra, Lightning, Scott, and Sam with a marshmallow each before cutting to Scarlett receiving her treat from the smiling host. "There is only _one_ marshmallow left on this plate."

The shot cut to Sugar and B at the campfire, the quiet one looking more confident than he'd been at the previous elimination, while the pageant queen had changed back to her normal clothes, added a tiara and bouquet, and was crying softly to herself.

"B," the host continued, "you showed us all what can be done with a pile of _garbage_." The young man smirked. "And Sugar," the young woman sniffled, "your Craptry just _was_ garbage. And considering how much your team was _counting_ on you living up to your own hype, I don't think _anybody's_ gonna be surprised when I give this final marshamallow," he paused as the camera focused in on the ball of white, "to _B_."

A quick pan over the remaining Bass showed a mixture of relief that Sugar was gone, lack of concern, and general annoyance. Chef appeared and escorted a Sugar down the Dock of Shame, and the sobbing young woman managed to choke out a few last words. "Competition should _not_ be based on _points_!" she lamented. "Instead, you should be judged on yer general _awesomeness_ , which means _I_ should still be in the game!"

"Save it for someone who cares," Chef grunted as they reached the Boat of Losers.

The scene cut back to the campfire. "That's three losses in a row, Killer Bass!" Chris mocked them. "You'd better start turning things _around_ before there's none of you left!"

xxx

"While our current losing streak is compatible with the null hypothesis of our team members lacking sufficient challenge-relevant skills in comparison to the Screaming Gophers," Scarlett explained amidst the flies, "I am also investigating the possibility of there being one or more people deliberately inhibiting the Killer Bass' chances at victory beyond simple opposition." She adjusted her glasses before continuing. "It's _obvious_ that Alejandro is attempting to manipulate the other campers, but I lack sufficient data to make any conclusions regarding his overall control of the game. If I find evidence of his, or anyone else's misconduct," she narrowed her eyes, "I may see fit to _end_ it."

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Sugar was doomed to go home here the moment she got Shuffled into season one. It just ended up fitting so much, providing a mirror to her canon elimination while also trimming away one of the many excess villains from the cast. It even allowed for another parallel with canon, in the form of Beardo winning two challenges in a row for his team just like Harold did.
> 
> Though admittedly I did end up cribbing her Craptry act from canon. But hey, these chapters were coming out on a weekly schedule originally, I probably didn't feel like I had the time back then to come up with something more unique. Especially since I had to come up with the rest of the acts from scratch, pretty much.
> 
> Oh, yeah, I ended up cribbing the scenes of Dakota's return from canon too, pretty much, and they stick out to me much more. But oh well, they were necessary to move things along with her and Sam. I don't regret it. Fun fact: her return had originally been planned for the previous episode, but with that elimination being so short (I had been trying to keep each chapter to roughly the equivalent length of an episode) I ended it pushing it back a little bit.
> 
> Not much else to say. Let me know what you thought of the chapter, and I'll see you next time!
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (21st Place)
> 
> Ezekiel - (20th Place)
> 
> Sugar - (19th Place)


	6. The Sucky Outdoors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want a reminder, the teams are as follows:
> 
> Killer Bass \- B, Bridgette, Ezekiel, Geoff, Lightning, Sam, Scarlett, Scott, Sierra
> 
> Screaming Gophers – Alejandro, Amy, Beardo, Beth, Dawn, DJ, Jo, Sammy, Shawn, Topher
> 
> \- Fangren

"Last time, on Total Drama Island!" Chris' recap began, the footage starting with the 'clashing logos' animation used in the previous episode. "A _talent contest_ brought out the _worst_ in our campers," the host said over shots of the campers seated and facing the stage, as well as the collapse of both Amy and Sammy's cheer and B's replica of the island. " _It_ was _awesome_!"

"While _Jo_ took charge for the Gophers," the jock-ette was shown blowing her whistle in front of her team, "the Killer Bass let pageant vet _Sugar_ call the shots," Sugar's puffed-up strut was followed by Bridgette and Sierra getting rejected. "After struggling to find two teammates with actual _talent_ , she _failed_ to live up to her _own_ hype by showing us her ' _Crap_ try'," clips of Sugar's disastrous performance were shown next with particular emphasis on her ear-splitting high note. "Needless to say, it cost her team the _challenge_ , and they voted her butt _off_ the island."

" _Who_ will be the next one to walk off this _crappy dock_?" Chris asked while walking down the dock in question. "Find out _tonight_ , in the _most_ dramatic marshmallow ceremony _ever_! On Total! Drama! _Island_!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The sun was already high in the sky as the episode started, panning down to show all eighteen campers and the host gathered around the campfire pit. "Campers," Chris began as the camera cut to a closer shot, "today's challenge will _test_ your outdoor survival skills." The camera panned over to the campers, the switched to the host's close-up. "I'm not gonna _lie_ to you, some of you _may_ not come back alive!"

Beardo, Beth, and the twins were shown gasping at the Gopher's end of the seating area, while Jo merely scowled. "Just joking!" Chris told them with a laugh. "All you have to do is spend one night in the woods." The camera panned over the Gophers again, showing their relief. " _Everything_ you need is at your team's campsite in the forest, you just have to _find_ it." He tossed a map and compass to each team, being caught by Jo and Lightning respectively.

" _Oh_ , and watch out for _bears_. Lost a couple of interns in pre-production." Chris showed absolutely no remorse, and the campers were shown starting to get up. "First team back for breakfast wins _invincibility_!" He sounded an air horn and waved for the teams to leave the campfire pit. "Well, off you go!"

"Did, uh, did he say there were _bears_ out there?" Sammy asked hesitantly.

"Not to worry!" Alejandro told her, getting close enough to elicit a blush. "Between Shawn, Jo, and myself, we'll be _sure_ to pass the night safe and bear-free!" He noticed the Bass walking past, and continued just a bit louder. "Of course, with a player as intelligent as Scarlett, I'm sure the Bass will have no problems either."

Scarlett raised an eyebrow. "I'm certain we will. I made it a point to research methods of repelling both _Ursus americanus_ and _Ursus arctos_ , in addition to several _other_ predator species, before arriving on the island."

"Well then," Alejandro gave her a smile, "may the best team win."

xxx

"Assuming that Alejandro _is_ attempting to verbally manipulate the Killer Bass," Scarlett explained to the confessional cam, "it is likely that his next target is myself. As such, I will need to act with caution, and prevent myself from standing out in the event that we lose again."

xxx

The Gopher logo appeared in the corner of the screen as the camera panned down, revealing them walking down a trail with Jo leading the charge.

"Alright," she told her alliance mates trailing behind her, "here's the plan for today. We've been doing great so _far_ , and I intend on keeping our winning streak going for as _long_ as possible."

"Well, this challenge seems pretty straightforward," Beth said, "we just hafta wake up earlier than the Killer Bass and we'll win, right?"

Beardo nodded. "Yeah, seems pretty easy."

"I wouldn't _count_ on it," Jo countered. "Remember, _they're_ probably gonna wake up as early as they can too, so _we_ need another way of making sure they don't get back _before_ us."

Beth and Beardo shared a questioning look. "So how're we gonna do _that_?" the girl asked.

/

A flash transitioned the scene to the Killer Bass, the focus being on Scott and Scarlett running in the front of their team.

"Uggh, where'd that idiot _go_?" Scott complained. "Whose idea was it to give the map and compass to the guy who always has to charge _ahead_?"

"To the extent that any one individual can be blamed for the present situation," Scarlett answered, " _Chris_. _He_ threw them close enough to Lightning to be caught."

"Uh, _right_ ," Scott said back. "But still, it sure is bad of _Lightning_ to just run ahead like that. I mean, what if we get _lost_?"

Scarlett just kept running.

xxx

"Okay, I know I said I was going after _Bridgette_ next," Scott confessed, "but I can't exactly pass up the chance to pick off _Lightning_ , can I?" He snorted and grinned. " _Especially_ since I caught him making out with one of those _cheerleaders_ the other day."

xxx

Cutting back to the Gophers, the shot focused on the four boys not involved in an alliance. "So, _bromigos_ ," Alejandro opened, "I think we need to do something about _those_ three." The viewpoint shifted behind him, showing Beardo, Beth, and Jo.

"I don't know, man," DJ said as the camera cut to him. "Beth and Beardo are pretty cool, I don't wanna vote 'em out."

"Ah yes," Alejandro retorted, "but what about _Jo_? She is clearly the _ringleader_ of their alliance, and hasn't exactly been _pleasant_ to be around." DJ scratched the back of his neck and looked uncertain.

"I know what you mean!" Topher added. "She's got _no_ appreciation for beauty! She has _got_ to go."

Alejandro looked at Shawn expectantly. "Hey leave me _out_ of this," he said quickly, putting his hands in front of him. "As bossy as Jo is, she's pretty capable, and I've gotta respect that."

"Fair enough," the charmer said.

/

Another flash returned the focus to the Killer Bass.

"Man, where _were_ you guys?" Lightning admonished his tired teammates.

"Tryin' to keep _up_ with you, dude!" Geoff said as he caught his breath. "You're _way_ fast, man."

"I _know_ ," the uber-jock replied, "I just wish the same could said for the _rest_ of you!"

"At _least_ tell me we're close to the campsite?" demanded Scarlett.

"Campsite?" Lightning repeated. "How the heck should _I_ know, I only looked at the map _once_!"

Scarlett glared at the jock, and swiped the map and compass. She studied the two for a moment, and started to continue down the trail. "Lucky for _you_ , we're within one-hundred meters of the location marked on the map."

"See," Lightning said smugly, "I _knew_ I was goin' the right way!"

/

The scene changed to the top of a tall pine, which panned down to show the Screaming Gophers in a clearing with a few sleeping bags and other camping gear.

"Okay, according to _this_ we need to _find_ our food," Jo read from the map. "So who's up for some hunting and gathering?"

"On it!" Shawn offered first. "I'm pretty good at identifying edible _flora_."

"Oh, may I come as well?" Dawn asked second. "I do so enjoy the gifts of the Earth Mother."

The survivalist shrugged. "Suit yourself. Anyone else coming?"

"Samey, make yourself _useful_ for once and go _with_ them!" Amy demanded, pushing her sister forward.

As Sammy sighed and joined her teammates, Alejandro stepped forward. "If nobody objects, I think I'll try and catch some fish – add a bit of _variety_ to our diet."

Jo nodded at him. "Okay then, the _rest_ of us will stay here and set up camp."

/

"So, what are we gonna do about food?" Bridgette asked as the scene shifted to the Bass.

"One or more of us will have to forage," Scarlett responded as she helped B make quick work of their team's tent. "Preferably someone familiar with this island's flora, fauna, and fungi." She noticed the generally blank looks of the others and her face fell. "I'll take care of it," she sighed. "The rest of you get to work building a fire pit and a means of making loud noises."

"I don't get what the big _deal_ is about nuts and berries," Scott grumbled. "Why bother wandering around looking for 'em when we can just snack on a few clods?" He bent down and scooped up a handful of dirt and shoved it in his mouth.

The ones watching him recoiled in disgust. "That's soooo _gross_!" Bridgette said.

Scott rolled his eyes. "What, too _good_ for it? Fine, what do _I_ care." He snorted and walked away from the group.

/

Back with the Gophers, the six teens had finished setting up and were now waiting for the food to arrive.

"Oh em _gee_ , what is _taking_ them so long!" Amy complained, slumping against the tent.

"I'm sure they'll be back soon, _right_?" Beth wondered aloud.

"Never fear," announced a voice just out of view, "the _fish_ is here!" The camera panned over to show Alejandro emerging from the forest with a few fish tied up with twine.

"It's about time!" Jo called as the talented young man reunited with the team.

"Yes, well, I apologize for making you all wait," Alejandro told her, looking around the clearing. "Where are the three who went foraging? I thought for _sure_ they'd have gotten back before me."

"Right here!" exclaimed Shawn, jumping out of the trees with a sack full of nuts and berries. Moments later, Dawn and Sammy arrived with a similarly large bounty. "Turns out this island's got a pretty good stock of berries, even _if_ they're a bit spread-out."

"Yeah, but Dawn had _no_ problem finding them," Sammy told the group, "it's like she has some sort of... berry _radar_!"

"It's simple if you know what to look for," Dawn explained happily, "and are sensitive to the energies of the Universe."

"Don't know what that _means_ ," Jo said, "but it looks like we've got ourselves a _meal_!"

/

The camera cut back to the part of the forest where the Killer Bass, campsite now set up, awaited the return of Scarlett.

"I hope she gets back soon, I'm _starving_!" Bridgette groaned along with her stomach.

"Hah! I know what you mean," Geoff added as he sat down next to her, "if a bear _does_ show up, I could probably just eat _it_!"

His attempt at humor backfired as the girl beside him looked horrified. "You're not _serious_ are you? I mean, I know it's a _bear_ , but it's just looking for _food_!"

"Whoa, chill!" Geoff said quickly. "It was just a joke! I'd never actually _eat_ a bear!" Bridgette was momentarily relieved before the party boy opened his mouth again after a bit of thought. "Well, unless it tasted _good_ , I guess."

Bridgette groaned.

xxx

"How was _I_ supposed to know she's a vegetarian?" Geoff smacked his face in the confessional. "Man, I hope I didn't just _blow_ it with her."

xxx

"Hey look," Sam cried with a gesture the camera followed to the edge of a trail, "Scarlett's back!"

The hungry teens looked at her expectantly, and were rewarded by a pile of blueberries dumped on one of the sleeping bags. " _Vaccinium angustifolium_ ," she announced. "I found several bushes along the trail. It isn't nutritionally ideal, but if we return to the bushes we should be able to collect a sufficient amount for the next several hours."

"Great job!" Bridgette exclaimed, sampling a few of the berries.

"Thank you," Scarlett answered, "but as I implied this will provide neither the nutrients nor the calories we require. I need at least two of you to accompany me in another foraging trip before it gets dark."

Geoff shrugged. "Guess I'll go. Need to make sure we find some non-animal food for dinner." He winked at Bridgette, who rolled her eyes.

"I'll come too," Sam volunteered. "I need to do _something_ to take my mind off not having any video games."

Scarlett nodded, and the three set off back into the woods.

/

The footage skipped ahead to a shot of the moon rising over the island, the Gopher logo appearing in the corner of the screen. A cut showed their fish cooking over an open fire tended by Alejandro and Jo, most of the others gathered around and waiting.

A rustling attracted their attention and the camera panned to DJ emerging from the bushes with several piece of wood under his arms and something small and furry in his hands. "Hey guys, look what I found!" he told his team as the camera zoomed to the animal he'd brought back with him – a gray rabbit, which coughed when he pet it.

"Oh, it's _adorabl_ _e_ _!_ " Dawn gushed as DJ brought it over for the others to see.

Jo looked at it quizzically from the fire. "A _rabbit_ , eh? We don't really need it, but I guess we can never have _too_ much food."

Both Dawn and DJ looked horrified at the suggestion. "Hey, this is my new _pet_!" DJ protested, turning the rabbit away from Jo. "I'm callin' him _Bun_ _ny_ _!_ "

"Make sure to keep him happy and safe," Dawn advised. "He's not used to _humans_ yet, and I wouldn't want him to come to harm because of a simple mistake."

"Yeah, I'll do my best to take good care of him," DJ agreed as he offered Bunny a few bits of green to nibble on.

The shot cut to Jo rolling her eyes, and walking over to Beth and Beardo. "Eat quickly, you two, I wanna get started before it gets too _dark_."

"Do we really _have_ to?" Beth asked, swallowing a few berries. "I mean, what if we can't find the other team?" She gasped suddenly. "What if we can't find the way back to _our_ team?"

Jo scowled. "Do you wanna win or _not_? As long as _we_ can find our way back to camp and the Bass can't, it doesn't _matter_ where we spend the night!"

Beth and Beardo shared an uncertain look, and Jo's scowl deepened. "Of course, if you don't _want_ to do what I tell you to, I can always find someone _else_ to take with me to the end of the game."

Her alliance-mates became very nervous, and the camera cut away from them.

/

"Yo, Lightning's gonna go take a _whiz_!" the jock announced as the shot cut back to the Bass' fire.

As Lightning left the clearing, a smirk flashed across Scott's face. "Yeah, I think I'm gonna go take care of some business _too_..." Neither boy's activities were given any particular attention from their teammates. The camera followed Scott as he walked away from the campsite, and once he'd gotten out of their sight he began sneaking in the direction Lightning had went.

The scene switched back to the other Bass sitting around their campfire. "...So anyway, the _entire_ collection ended up _covered_ in punch," Geoff recounted to his mildly interested teammates, "so _naturally_ my buddy was in pretty big trouble. His parents grounded him for like a _month_ , and he _still_ isn't allowed to have any _parties_ at his house, and..."

He was cut off by a hooting owl, which caused the blonde sitting next to him to shudder. "Somethin' wrong?" he asked her. "S'just an _owl_."

Bridgette sighed and rubbed her arm. "I know, I just get _really_ freaked out in the forest."

Sam chuckled. "Really? Seems like an animal lover like you would feel at home out here."

The surfer girl looked down. "I _know_ , but it's just... I don't know, there's _so much_ that could be _out_ there. I'm just glad you guys are all here or else I'd _really_ be freaking out."

Geoff sidled up close to her and put a hand on her shoulder. "Hey it's all cool! As long as I'm here, you don't have to worry about a _thing_."

/

The scene cut to a close-up of Lightning, whistling as he stood behind a bush. The music grew tense and eerie as Scott was shown peering out several times from the trees behind the jock. A twig snapped, alerting the jock who looked to his right. The camera panned the other way, showing Scott with a large stick raised over his head. The redheaded schemer brought the makeshift club down upon his unaware victim, knocking the boy out cold.

/

"And _that_ , my friends, is the tale of how I got my driver's license." Alejandro finished with a bow as the camera cut back to the Screaming Gophers.

"Man, that was _amazin_ '," DJ told him while stroking Bunny's head. "Who knew you could _do_ that with a garden hose and a golf cart." Most of the others shown on-screen nodded their agreement; only Dawn looked unimpressed.

xxx

"Alejandro is _not_ the good person he makes himself out to be," Dawn attested in the outhouse confessional. "He loves nothing more than _manipulating_ people;" her grimace softened for a moment, "it's a prominent part of his aura, along with his loneliness and _brother_ issues. I will do my best to _resist_ him, but I fear I will not be able to prevent him from hurting the others."

xxx

A rustling bush caught Alejandro's attention. "Ah, perhaps Jo and the others have finally decided to return to us?" he asked with a hint of smugness.

Rather than Jo, or Beth, or Beardo, or any _other_ human, it was a large brown bear that entered the clearing.

"BEAR!" Shawn shouted immediately. "Get to the trees!" Not missing a beat, the survivalist scrambled up as high and as fast as he could. DJ yelped and scrambled after him, and the other Screaming Gophers lived up to their team name and followed suit.

Only Alejandro and Dawn remained on the ground. "Surely it _must_ be a fake?" the young man said, struggling to hide his own fear. "Chris would _never_ allow such a _beast_ to freely roam the island?" The bear growled and stood up on it's hind legs. "Would he?" Alejandro said, backing away slowly.

"Oh no," Dawn told him calmly, "it's _quite_ real." With one teammate between her and the bear and the rest either missing or up a tree, the petite blonde walked up to the remaining fish unhindered. "There there, I know you're just curious and hungry," she told the bear, walking closer to it and tossing the cooked food in front of it. "We mean you no harm, and we'll be gone in the morning, so you don't have to worry."

The looked Dawn, then sniffed the fish, and looked at Dawn again. She smiled, and the bear seemed to smile too; it grabbed the fish in its mouth and lumbered away. The seven teens remained where they were for a few moments until the petite blonde returned to her seat by the fire. "You can come down now, we should be safe for the rest of the night."

"Oh em gee-" Sammy began as she dropped down to the ground.

"-that was-" DJ added, landing with a thud.

"- _amazing_!" Shawn finished, merely poking his head out of the branches. "Where'd you learn to _do_ that?"

Dawn shrugged. "I just listened to what it _wanted_ , that's all."

/

A few clouds were shown in front of the moon as the scene shifted to the other group of Gophers. "If I remember right," Jo said, "the Bass headed _east_ when the challenge started." The jock-ette was shown squinting at their team's map and compass in the moonlight. "Meaning their camp should be... _this_ way!" She pointed to her left, and ran off.

"Are you _sure_ it's okay to take the map without letting the others know?" Beth panted as she struggled to keep up.

"They'll be _fine_ ," Jo assured. "One of them _has_ to remember how we got to our campsite, so they should have no _problem_ getting back!"

"If you _say_ so...," the shorter girl said.

A sudden noise caused Jo to stop, and her allies to nearly run into her. She motioned for them to stay quiet, but Beardo made an owl's hoot on impulse. He didn't see Jo's scowl, but the trio did catch sight of a raccoon close to where the mystery noise had come from.

"Looks like we lucked out," Jo told them after a moment. "Now come on, we gotta be _quick_! You two remember the plan, right?"

"Once we find their camp," Beardo answered, "I make a bunch of bear noises to scare 'em away from their campsite."

Beth continued. "And with them distracted, you and I take their supplies and try to keep them from finding their way back."

"Exactly!" Jo said. "Now we just need to find 'em..." She squinted at the map again, but as a quick shot of the sky revealed, there were too many clouds in the sky for her to read by. "Hold on... I think we need to go... that way!" She pointed in a different direction, and the three started off again.

/

A wolf howled as the scene switched to a view of the Bass's campsite from the forest. The fire was still going, and was tended to by Sam, but the other members of the team were out of sight. The camera adjusted a bit to show Scott watching the scene from afar, before cutting to a top-down perspective inside the tent.

The six teens had laid in a circle and most were trying to get to sleep, but Bridgette kept squirming uncomfortably. "If there's something you need to do," Scarlett said suddenly, "please make it quick. I'd rather not disturb our sleep any more than is necessary."

"R-right...," Bridgette muttered nervously. She sat up and lingered for a moment, before the camera cut to the outside of the tent just as the surfer exited it.

"Eh?" Sam grunted. "Oh, hey! Have to pee or somethin'?"

"Yeah... I'll be back in a bit...," he gulped, and started to turn away.

A noise came from the bushes, suddenly enough that both teens were startled. They stilled and their eyes darted to it, but when a second noise came another direction entirely, they yelped in shock.

The shot cut straight to Scott, snickering behind a tree. He peeked out at his teammates, and picked up a stone from the ground. "Just a little more...," he muttered, slinging the rock high. It hit the side of a large tree and bounced off, startling the animals that had been resting within a hollow.

A few bats swarmed the air and flew towards Bridgette and Sam; one managed to fly into the poor girl's face as the teens cried in alarm. Bridgette, panicked and blind, stumbled around the campsite until she tripped backwards over one of the rocks lining the fire pit. A cinder was sent flying and landed on her team's tent, causing it to burst into flame and become ash in seconds.

Fortunately, none of the Bass had been harmed, although they did look fairly annoyed with Bridgette and Sam. It was then that Scott showed himself, the camera catching him don a false look of concern beforehand. "Hey, are you guys alright?" He didn't notice the brief look Scarlett gave him.

/

The footage skipped back to the main group of Gophers. "I wonder where the others went?" DJ asked as he and the others finished off the last of their food.

"I'm fairly certain they went off on some ill-advised quest to delay the Bass," Alejandro answered. "I applaud their desire to help us _win_ , of course, but I would prefer they found some other way to do it."

"I hope they didn't run into that _bear_ ," Sammy said. "I don't think they'll be able to convince it to leave as easily as Dawn did."

Amy rolled her eyes. "You _would_ want them to get hurt, wouldn't you? Uggh, that is _so_ like you Samey. I mean, just because they're _better_ than you doesn't mean they should be _hu_ _rt_ _!_ "

"What?" Sammy replied, flustered. "But I-"

"Yeah," Topher added, "that _is_ pretty terrible of you, Samey."

The younger twin hung her head in resignation, only picking it up when another camper began to talk. "What're you talkin' about?" DJ objected. "She didn't say anything _like_ that!"

"I agree," Dawn said, "she is just as concerned for the well-being of our teammates as... well, _most_ of us are."

"Clearly, Amy _misheard_ her sister and jumped to conclusions," Alejandro interjected. "Perhaps we should take that as a sign to turn in for the night?" Amy just huffed and glared at her sister.

/

The scene cut back to the Bass, with Bridgette standing sheepish before her team. " _No_ , Scott, we are most certainly _not_ alright." Scarlett hissed, not taking her eyes off her blonde roommate. "We are still functioning on inadequate sustenance, and now we are in need of _shelter_. Additionally, Lightning has yet to return from _relieving_ himself."

"Whoa, hey, _chill_!" Geoff told the prim young woman. "I mean _yeah_ , it sucks that we don't have a tent anymore, but it could be _worse_ , right?"

A single drop on the brim of his hat heralded the start of a downpour.

" _Yes_ , Geoff" Scarlett deadpanned, "it _could_ be."

/

The background music turned deep and dangerous as shots of the three groups were shown weathering the thunderstorm. First Jo, Beth, and Beardo were shown taking shelter in a cave, then the Gophers were shown ducking into their tent, Shawn sitting nervously in his tree, and finally the Bass were shown again, sitting under a pair large leaves held up by Sam and B.

/

The scene faded into a shot of the sun rising into the sky. Birds could be heard singing as the camera panned down to show Topher stretching as he exited the tent, followed by Alejandro.

"Well, _that_ didn't do me any favors," the white boy mentioned. "I can't wait to get back to camp, I must look like a _wreck_!"

"Agreed," the other handsome boy added. "We can only hope Jo and the others made it through the night safely. For now, we must head back to camp."

"Yeah, well," Shawn told the two, jumping down from his tree, "wherever they are, they probably have the map. Good thing I know how we _got_ here, otherwise we'd have a _big_ disadvantage getting back."

/

Another cut showed Jo standing at the mouth of the cave she'd entered the night before. She blew her whistle, startling her two teammates out of their slumber. "Alright, listen up!" she barked, pacing around in front of them. "Last night didn't go to plan, I'll admit that, but we still have the map and compass, so we _will_ make it back to camp before the Killer Bass, _got it?_ "

Beth rubbed her eyes, then immediately started wheezing and pointing wildly at something behind Jo. Their male companion's eyes also went wide, and he immediately began a number of different sirens.

"What are you...?" Jo asked in bewilderment, finally bothering to turn around.

Behind her was a very large and fairly irate brown bear. It reared up on its hind legs and growled, sending the three Gophers running.

/

Back with the Bass, seven teens were shown sleeping rather peacefully before the camera zoomed in on Scarlett laying between B and Sierra.. She blearily opened her eyes, blinked, then bolted upright.

"Get up!" she commanded, getting to her feet and immediately checking her own pockets for the map and compass. "Get up, all of you! We need to get back to camp!"

"What about Lightning?" Bridgette yawned. "Did he ever come back?"

"No time!" Scarlett commanded once again.

xxx

"Yeah, I dragged him _pretty_ far away last night," Scott gloated from atop the toilet of inner thoughts. "No _clue_ what happened to him after that."

xxx

The music became tense and the footage skipped ahead to a shot of Chris drinking from a thermos while Dakota prodded the main campfire pit with a stick, both with their backs turned to the camera. The host turned around just as the scene zoomed out to show the Killer Bass arriving.

"Hey!" Sam called, "We got back first!"

Moments later, the Screaming Gophers returned as well. "They beat us here!" Alejandro cried as he crossed under the wooden entrance.

"This is all _your_ fault, Samey," the elder twin spat.

"Uh-uh-uh, not so _fast_ , Gopherinos!" Chris waggled a finger at them. "It seems _both_ teams are missing a few _players_!"

"Pretty sure Lightning got _eaten_ last night," Scott sneered. Scarlett gave him another questioning look.

"On the other hand," Alejandro smirked as he caught something out of the corner of his eye, " _our_ team seems to be present and accounted for."

Jo came running into view, trailed by Beardo and Beth. "Did we make it?" she asked immediately. She was met by smiles and nods from her teammates, and pumped her fist. “Yes!”

"Where _is_ he?" Scarlett muttered, looking back towards the woods.

"Who knows," Scott told her. "Maybe you should try asking his _girlfriend_?" He sent a nasty smirk towards the twins.

"Ex _cuse_ me?!" Amy exclaimed, "I haven't seen him since the challenge _started_!"

" _Sure_ you didn't...," Scott replied.

As the schemer walked away, the cheerleader finally noticed the looks she was getting from the other campers. " _What_? So I made out with him a few times, big _deal_!"

At that moment Lightning was shown sliding into the area, a few leaves and twigs in his hair and clothes. "Finally made it!" he announced, unaware of the glares from his teammates. "Man, I have _no_ idea what happened last night. One minute I'm doin' my business, next minute I'm wakin' up getting' sniffed by a _bear_! Managed to outrun it _easy_ , but I had to spend the night in a _tree_. So what'd I miss?"

It was Scarlett who answered him. "You _missed_ us losing the _challenge_!"

"Aww, dang!" Lightning exclaimed. "Which one of you made us _lose_?" He quickly looked over the other campers, and noticed Amy standing apart from the rest. He shot her a cocky grin and a pair of finger pistols."Hey boo! You miss me?" She just glared at him.

The camera switched over to the grinning host. "Alright, Killer Bass! One of your fishy butts is going _home_!" He turned to the other team. "Gophers! You're going on an all-expense-paid trip _to_ ," a drum roll began, "the _Tuck Shoppe!_ " The sound of an old cash register opening was played as the Gophers ran off to claim their prize. The Bass gasped, and glared at the still-oblivious Lightning.

/

The background music changed to a hip hop tune as the Screaming Gophers were shown celebrating in front of their cabin. Beardo beatboxed for a bit, ending with a happy "Win~!" He popped a few chips in his mouth, then passed the bag to Beth.

"Chocodiles?" DJ offered to his teammate, but Alejandro waved them away.

"No thanks, amigo," he said with a smile. "Still, I am quite enjoying our winning streak."

"Yeah," Jo said cockily, "Screaming Gophers _rule_!"

/

The music switched again to the tense and foreboding melody reserved for the elimination ceremonies.

"You've all cast your votes," Chris said as the camera came in for his standard close-up. "The camper who does not receive a marshmallow must _immediately_ hit the Dock of Shame, grab the Boat of Losers," his brow furrowed as he gestured towards the dock, "and get the heck _outta_ here! _And_!" he thrust a finger into the air before tapping it on his makeshift podium. "You can't come back. _Ever_."

The shot changed to show the Killer Bass as the host continued to speak. "Now, I can see you're all tired, so _tonight_ ," the camera switched back to the host with a marshmallow in his hand, "I'll just _throw_ them to you. Savvy? Scarlett!"

The redhead was shown accepting her prize with a smile. "Scott!" Likewise, the other redheaded Bass was shown making his catch. "Sierra! B! Sam! Geoff!" One by one, the camera panned to each camper happily accepting their marshmallow until only two were left. "Bridgette, Lightning!" The surfer looked scared, but the jock did not. Chris continued. "This is the final marshmallow of the evening!"

The bottom two campers were shown again, Lightning having decided to smirk at the girl sitting next to him. "Bridgette! The host announced, and she eagerly caught the bit of white.

"Sha-w _hat_?!" Lightning exclaimed, eyes popping forward. "You're getting' rid of _me_? But I'm the strongest player in the _game_ , you'll _never_ win without _me_ _!_ " He stood up and thrust an accusatory finger at his former teammates.

"Yeah, well, we weren't winning _with_ you, so it's no big loss." Scott told him.

The scene cut to Lightning being dragged down the dock by Chef. "You'll regret this, you'll _all_ regret this! Every last one of you is a sha- _lo_ _ser_ _!_ "

He was cut off by a bout of static.

xxx

Scarlett adjusted her glasses before beginning her confessional. "After reviewing recent events, I believe my previous hypothesis regarding Alejandro as the cause of the Killer Bass' losing streak is not sufficiently explained by the data at hand. Instead, I propose a _new_ hypothesis: that _Scott_ , for currently unknown reasons, is _intentionally_ sabotaging the team." She fixed her eyes into a glare. "I have yet to test this hypothesis, but if I am able to verify it, then I _will_ take steps to ensure he is eliminated next."

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh. According to my notes, it seems this is when I finally worked out an early elimination order for the season, as well as who the winner would eventually be. I probably fiddled with it a bit, though. Not sure I recorded all the changes I made to it. But oh well.
> 
> Not much to say about Lightning's elimination here. What Scott did was kinda brutal, but also in-character for the guy. Gave him an elimination that he can unambiguously take credit for, too, as Alejandro had nothing to do with it.
> 
> LightAmy: Part One was super short, but as experienced readers know, it's not the last we'll be seeing of it.
> 
> The Jo & Co subplot was kinda stupid since it didn't end up going anywhere, but past-me wanted to fill the time left by the lack of Katie and Sadie bullshit. Plus it helps break up the monotony of the challenge a bit, while also keeping the outcome less certain than it was in canon. So... overall, I still like it.
> 
> Not much else to say. Let me know what you thought of the chapter, and I'll see you all next time!
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (21st Place)
> 
> Ezekiel - (20th Place)
> 
> Sugar - (19th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (18th Place)


	7. Phobia Factor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want a reminder, the teams are as follows:
> 
> Killer Bass \- B, Bridgette, Ezekiel, Geoff, Sam, Scarlett, Scott, Sierra
> 
> Screaming Gophers – Alejandro, Amy, Beardo, Beth, Dawn, DJ, Jo, Sammy, Shawn, Topher
> 
> \- Fangren

"Last time, on Total Drama Island!"

The recap began with shot of both teams setting up at their campsites. "The campers had their survival skills put to the _test_ when they spent the entire night camping in the woods." Clips of the various highlights were played as they were mentioned by the host. "Scott continued to sabotage his own team by hitting Lightning over the head with a club, and Dawn managed to save her team from a bear by giving it _most_ of their food. Jo decided to go mess with the Bass but got her, Beth, and Beardo lost, which _sucked_ for them. Bridgette burned down her team's tent, which sucked even _more_ , and then it _rained_. Basically, no one got any sleep last night. Ultimately, the Killer Bass were on the chopping block _again_ , leaving Lightning without a marshmallow."

After the athelete's departure was shown, the shot cut to a close-up of a pile of wood being prodded by a stick. "Yup, the challenge was rough alright," Chris was shown holding the stick at the campfire pit, "and if _I_ have anything to say about it, today's will be even more _brutal_." the music picked up dramatically as the host's full body was shown, hitting the stick against his other hand. "Luckily, I _do_. What fresh horror have we planned for our campers? Find out next, on Total! Drama! Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The scene opened with a pan down from the night sky to reveal the seven remaining members of the Killer Bass seated around the campfire pit.

"Man, who knew losing four times in a row would be such a _bummer_?" Geoff mused, sadly poking the fire with a stick.

"I know," Bridgette concurred, "we have _got_ to start winning challenges."

Scott snorted. "Easier said than done. We're three players in the hole, what could we _possibly_ do to catch up?"

"That doesn't mean we should stop trying!" Bridgette countered. "Come on, B, Scarlett, you're both smart, do either of _you_ have any ideas?" She looked first at the large silent one, who frowned and shook his head.

The camera cut to Scarlett, who took her glasses off and started cleaning them with a cloth pulled from a pocket. "It isn't that simple," she sighed. "If I knew the challenges ahead of time I could formulate a more thorough strategy based upon our relevant strengths and weaknesses, but in lieu of such data long-term planning is significantly more difficult."

"Hah hah, sounds like we could really use a cheat code," Sam chuckled. "Up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-b-a-start, and _bam_! We've got three more guys on our side!"

Scarlett rolled her eyes, then she and Sierra were shown glaring off-screen, "What do _you_ want?" Sierra asked.

"Prob'ly here to rub it in our _faces_ ," Scott added.

The viewpoint shifted to show that the Screaming Gophers had come to the fire pit, with Beth holding up a plate of flan to be seen.

"Oh no," Alejandro explained, "we merely had extra dessert after our Tuck Shoppe party, and decided to share."

Scott gave them an odd look. " _Why_?"

"Oh _please_ ," Jo rolled her eyes, "we just had a close encounter with a _skunk_ outside our cabin.”

DJ nodded. "Yeah, _we_ managed to get out of the way, but it still got the _cabin_. We're just lettin' the place air out for a while."

"Uggh, you voted out _Lightning_?" Amy spat after a quick scan of the Bass. "Figures." Most of the other teens rolled their eyes.

Beth walked the flan past the fire and presented it to Sam. "GAHH!" he yelled, slapping the plate away as soon as he realized it was close to him. It landed close to Alejandro, who bent over to pick up the plate – the flan itself had landed first, and was ruined.

"You do not like flan?" the charmer asked, eyebrow raised.

"Sorry about that," the gamer scratched the back of his neck, "I just haven't been able to stand the sight of caramel since my Super Gaming System 2000 got covered with the stuff when I was a kid."

"I know how you feel, man," DJ told him. "Me? I can't stand bein' around anything that even _looks_ like a snake."

"Pfft," Shawn scoffed, "why are you afraid of _either_ of those things when we could get attacked by _zombies_ any second?" His eyes darted around the area nervously.

xxx

"And so then they all start _sharing_ their greatest fears," Alejandro began with a look of confusion, "like they didn't even care who _heard_!" He started to tick off fingers. "Beth went into _great_ detail about her mortal fear of being covered in _bugs_ , Beardo is afraid of _medical_ _needles_ , and even _Scott_ admitted to a fear of _clowns_!" He rubbed his chin in thought, then grinned. "It is an _odd_ feeling to have so many weaknesses handed to me in such a way, but it is _certainly_ a welcome one.""

xxx

As the footage cut back to the campfire pit, the Gophers were shown to have taken seats around it.

"Well, _Samey_ is afraid of goats," Amy announced smugly, "but _I'm_ not afraid of anything!"

"Umm," Sammy replied hesitantly "aren't you afraid of _sheep_?"

The elder twin gasped sharply. " _How_ could you just _say_ that? I'm your _siste_ _r_ _!_ " The younger girl squirmed under her sister's accusing gaze.

"Well, _I'm_ afraid of getting old," Topher declared as the camera panned to him. "I mean, could you _imagine_ me with _wrinkles_?" He shuddered.

"Robots," Dawn said firmly. "They are _not_ what the Earth Mother intended."

"I'm scared a' hail," Geoff admitted when the shot cut over to the Bass, "it's small, but _deadly_ , dude!"

Bridgette was next. "Being left _alone_ in the woods."

The camera panned over to Sierra, who appeared to be thinking. "Probably watching all of Chris' greatest hits get _destroyed,_ " she finally said.

It was B's turn, and the mute young man mimed something coming out of his mouth. "B is terrified of public speaking," Dawn interpreted. B gave her a thumbs up.

"I myself do not fear anything," Alejandro said dismissively, "at least, not to the same extent as all of _you_."

"Yeah _right_ ," Jo scoffed. "There's gotta be _something_ that you can't stand!"

"Is that _so_?" Alejandro responded. "Likewise, I should ask what _you_ are most afraid of!"

Jo gulped as the eyes of the other campers were shown to be on her. "Those... those little _yappy_ dogs...," she muttered under her breath as the others leaned in to hear her.

"Oh _really_?" Scott grinned wickedly. "You mean the small, _fluffy_ ones that old ladies like to have?"

"Ooh, I _love_ those dogs," Amy said, "they're so _cute_! I'm _sooo_ gonna ask Mommy for one when I see her again."

Jo shuddered. "Laugh all you want, but those things are vicious little _monsters_!"

"So, if we had, say, a _Shih Tzu_ here right now...," Topher mused with a glance towards his teammate.

"I'd make whoever brought it _pay_!" the jock-ette snarled. She calmed down, and looked at the only two who hadn't shared a fear yet. "Okay, I said my fear, now it's _your_ turn!"

"Assuming I'm limited to non- _lethal_ stimuli," Scarlett answered, "nothing stands out as eliciting a particularly intense fear response in me. I _will_ , however, note a strong aversion to swimming in fluids of _unknown_ but potentially _dangerous_ composition."

Everyone turned to Alejandro expectantly. "I am truly sorry," he told them, "but I simply cannot think of _anything_ that I fear to such an extent!"

Scarlett frowned, Jo rolled her eyes, and the footage skipped ahead to a shot of the island as the sun just peeked above the hills.

The camera zoomed in on the main lodge, and it cut to the inside as Chris whistled to gain the teens' attention. "Campers!" he announced, the point-of-view centered on his back. "Your next challenge is a game I like to call ' _Phobia Factor_ '! Prepare to face your worst fears!"

"Pretty sure we're already doing that, huh huh." Sam chuckled, poking his amorphous meal with a fork.

" _Now_ , for our first _victims_!" Chris continued as the camera showed him standing next to the door. He took a piece of paper out of his pocket and scanned it quickly. " _B_ _!_ Meet us all in the theater, it's time to let yourself be _heard_!"

The silent boy's eyes went wide and he started to choke on a bit of food. As Bridgette moved to help him, the host turned his attention to another member of the Killer Bass. " _Scarlett_! You, me, a couple hundred gallons of who-knows- _what_..."

The bespectacled young woman groaned. "Of _course_ he knows...," she said, head in hands.

"Wait a minute," Geoff said, "you mean to tell me that when we were talkin' around the campfire last night, they were _listening_?" The footage flashed back to the clip of Geoff confessing his fear of hail

Bridgette sighed. "Well, it _is_ a reality show after all..."

"Chef Hatchet!" the host called. "Didn't you have a special order for DJ here today?" The hulking cook grinned nastily as he worked the fryer, He thrust a frying basket at the boy with a single object in it – something battered and fried in the shape of a snake.

Trembling, DJ picked it up and the scene flashed back to show his fear of snakes. DJ looked at the item he was given, bringing it close to his mouth but unwilling to take a bite.

A faint hiss came from inside. Screaming, DJ dropped the fried thing and it burst open – a live snake slithered out and away.

/

The scene cut ahead to Chris standing in front of a small inflatable pool with the campers gathered around it. The camera panned across the Bass who looked at the pool in disgust, before the clip of Alejandro mentioning Beth's fear in the confessional was replayed. The camera then panned over the Gophers, showing DJ vomit before ending on Beth.

The short girl shrugged and hopped the side of the pool, landing with a distinct squish among a writhing mass of worms. She emerged moments later none the worse for wear, causing her teammates to cheer and earning a point for the Gophers on the on-screen scoreboard. "And Beth sets the bar _way_ up there!"

/

Topher was shown next, sitting on a stool in the cafeteria as a team of interns – Dakota included – went to work on him. His fear was shown in another flashback, and in a flash the make-up team had finished their work. They stepped away, and Topher was revealed to look like a gray-haired and wrinkly old man.

/

Then came the twins, their portion beginning with a flashback of their fear. Cutting back to the present, the two blondes were shown standing in front of a rather muddy pen containing a number of sheep and goats. "Alright ladies!" Chris told them. "The two of you just need to stay in the pen for _ten minutes_!"

They looked at the thoroughly uninterested animals and gulped.

/

The next clip was of B, trembling on stage with a stack of papers in his hands. The camera cut to show that every camper not already occupied by their personal challenge was watching him along with both Chef Hatchet and the host himself.

"Just one page buddy, we're all _waitin_ _g_ _!_ " Chris told him cheerfully. The large young man's eyes darted around, his breaths became shallower, and he started to sweat. He did finally take a deep breath and glued his eyes to the top page of his stack, but as he opened his mouth a buzzer sounded. "Too bad!" the host said with a smile to match the younger man's look of disappointment.

/

Next was a pan over the Screaming Gophers who watched as Beardo took his turn. He was shown biting his nails for a second before turning around, making the noise of an engine revving and squealing tires, and running away. Chef Hatchet, dressed as a nurse and carrying a comically over-sized needle, chased after him.

/

"Bridgette began her six-hours of solitude in the woods feeling _pretty_ confident," Chris explained over footage of the surfer girl sitting alone on a hollow log.

"I'm _not_ scared," she told herself. "Six hours out here is _nothing_!" A chipmunk popped it's head out from behind the log and approached the human girl with cautious optimism. Bridgette took one look at it, screamed, and sent it flying with a kick. It landed in the lake, and the camera panned up to show the Gophers and Chris walking along the beach.

" _Your_ turn, Alejandro!" the host announced cheerily as the group came upon a moderately-sized room set up next to the lake.

The handsome young man sent the room a nervous but fleeting look. "But I did not _tell_ anyone my fear!" he said, quickly realizing his slip and adding "Not that I _have_ one, of course!"

"I _know_ ," Chris answered. "So we had to do a little _digging_ – and it turns out your brother _José_ was _more_ than willing to fill us in on a few of your _secrets_ , heheh!"

xxx

" _José_ ," Alejandro muttered through clenched teeth. "He _always_ does things like this! _Every_ time I start to succeed, he's there to punch me in the arm, or call me names, or reveal personal information to TV hosts!"

xxx

"Say _hello_ to the Isolation Chamber!" Chris announced. "For the next _six_ hours you'll be _completely_ cut off from the outside world in a soundproof room devoid of _any_ stimulation!" He opened the door to show a white room, totally empty save a single light embedded in the ceiling. "Heck, there aren't even any _cameras_ in there! The door won't be _locked_ , of course, but if you so much as touch the handle then you can say goodbye to any point for your team."

He shoved the wide-eyed boy into the room and slammed the door behind him.

/

The footage cut to the next camper. DJ stood alone on the stage next to a terrarium on a pedestal; the camera zoomed in to the glass tank to show a small snake eyeing the gentle giant. DJ looked at it hesitantly, and his admission of fear was played.

"You can do it, DJ!" Dawn said encouragingly from the stands. "I can tell from here that it will do you _no_ harm!" Both human and snake were looking at each other; the serpent blinked and DJ recoiled.

"It _blinked_...," he whimpered.

"Just _do_ it already!" Jo exclaimed. "It's freakin' _tiny_!"

"It isn't what you _think_ it is!" Dawn told him. "You can do this, I _know_ you have it in you, I can _see_ it!"

DJ groaned and whimpered, but he inched closer to the tank. Taking a deep breath, he stuck a finger at it off-camera. His grimace changed to a smile as he drew back his finger, showing the tiny animal resting happily atop it. The Gophers cheered and the scoreboard dinged 2-0.

/

The camera cut back to the twins and the petting zoo of personal terror. Amy and Sammy had both managed to get in the pen, but were keeping as much distance between themselves and the mixed herd of ungulates as possible. A sheep finally wandered in the pair's direction, causing a bout of panic from the older girl. "Take _he_ _r_ _!_ " Amy cried, shoving her sister towards the animals. To Amy's horror, Sammy had instinctively clutched her abuser's sleeve, causing both girls to land in the mud.

A few more sheep and goats were shown looking in their direction. A few bleated, and the twins screamed.

/

"Okay, we've still got a few more minutes before Amy and Samey are finished," Chris said as the scene cut to him checking his watch. The host checked his list, then singled out one of the remaining campers behind him. "Let's see now... Shawn, you're _up_!"

The survivalist's well-known fear of zombies was shown again as a means of transitioning to him standing alone in an oddly desolate part of the woods. The walkie-talkie in his hands crackled and the host's voice could be heard once more. "Listen up, brah! I went to the trouble of bringing a couple of these suckers to the island, and," he chuckled darkly, "it looks like they really _liked_ the interns if you know what I mean. _Good l_ _uck_ _!_ "

The transmission crackled to an end, but Shawn had already figured out what was going on. Thoroughly on-edge, he snapped his attention towards a handful of shuffling figures emerging from the forest around him. He uttered a single word before bolting for the nearest tree. "Zombies!"

/

Geoff's clip was shown next, and the scene changed to a small, dark cloud covering the sun. Its shadow was shown drifting over Geoff as he lounged unwittingly on a beach chair. As the hail began, the cloud was revealed to be quite small – hovering just a foot or so above the party boy's head as he stood up and tried to escape it. As Geoff ran screaming, the camera panned over to show Chris in another chair, controlling the miniature storm with a device in his hands.

"Heheheh, looks pretty _fun_ ," Scott snickered nearby. "How hard can you make it _pelt_ him?"

" _Pretty_ hard, dude," the host grinned, pushing a button and causing the hail to come down much harder. "But I think you've got your _own_ problems to worry about right now."

Scott raised an eyebrow, and the sound of a honking horn got his attention. Slowly, he turned around.

"Hiya! I heard _you_ could use some cheering up!" It was a male clown, all done up in white make-up and full goofy costume, holding a bicycle horn. Scott screamed and ran. "Wait!" the clown exclaimed, giving chase and honking his horn a few more times.

/

The camera cut back to Shawn clinging to the top of a tree. Below him, the group of zombies were slowly making their ascent.

"They can _climb_ _?!_ " he exclaimed in horror. "Everything I know is _wron_ _g_ _!_ " He quickly looked around, and spotted another tree close by. He jumped to it, and nearly bounced off as he desperately tried to grab a branch. He succeeded, but not for long – the impact and his weight caused the branch to snap and Shawn to fall to the undead below.

Eyes wide in fear, he tried to scramble away from them but was stopped by another tree. "Okay...," he muttered nervously, "time for the plan of last resort." He took a deep breath, uttered a battle cry, and charged the zombies.

A montage of kicks, punches, and ill-advised headbutts was shown as Shawn fought his way through the zombies. Strangely, most of the allegedly-mindless things turned and fled in a rather lively fashion. Shawn paid no notice, clobbering zombie after zombie until he stood before a particularly well-put-together one. He went for a punch, but the zombie just ducked and cowered.

"Hey, take it _easy_ _!_ " it said in a muffled but familiar whine that gave Shawn pause.

"...'Hey, take it easy'?" he repeated in confusion. He looked back at the zombie's he'd already beaten and the one before him and came to a swift conclusion. "Wait a minute, you aren't zombies at all!"

" _Du_ _h_ _!_ " Dakota said, taking off her rubber mask as the other interns groaned and did the same.

"Oh man, that was _awesome_!" Chris said, stepping out from behind a tree. "But yeah, dude, no zombies on the island, I _promise_." Shawn glared at the host even as the scoreboard dinged to show 3-0 in favor of the Gophers.

/

Sam's caramel-based panic was replayed before the scene changed over to him, the other campers, Chris, and Chef. The cook was stirring a large pot of something distinctively brown and gooey. "You just gotta stay still as Chef pours the _entire_ pot of caramel over you," the host explained.

Sam gulped, and didn't move. Scarlett peered at him, then wordlessly dashed off. As both gamer and cackling cook got into position, she returned with someone else in tow.

"Dakota?" he said as the sugary substance dripped on to his hair.

"Sam?" the blonde answered. "Is that _carame_ _l_ _?_ "

Sam chuckled nervously. "Yeah, just gettin' a point for the team, y'know?" Some of it flowed into his mouth, and he blinked. "Huh, doesn't taste half bad! So, uh, how's it like being an intern?"

The confection oozed its way down his chest. "Oh, it's _horrible_ _!_ Not only do I have to do actual _work_ , but Chris put a _restraining order_ on the paparazzi!" Dakota moaned.

Chef smacked the pot, sending a large glob down over the gamer's face. "You know, I thought I'd be more freaked out by this," Sam spluttered, "but mostly I'm just mildly annoyed. Probably 'cause you're here to give me something _else_ to focus on, Dakota."

"Aww, thanks!" the blonde blushed.

At last, Chef signaled the pot to be empty. "And looks like the Killer Bass are _finally_ on the board!" Chris announced to the joy of B and Sierra, and a look of self-satisfaction from Scarlett.

/

The footage skipped ahead to Dawn standing apart from the other campers. Her admission of fear was replayed, and the camera cut to a robot that looked like it had come from a several-decades-old science fiction story. "Just give it a hug!" Chris told the nervous-looking blonde.

The robot waved its mechanical arms, beeped, and rolled forward a foot. Dawn cringed.

"Come on," DJ told her, "you can do it! Even if it _is_ kinda creepy..."

The robot rolled forward another foot, and Dawn squeaked. "Umm... umm..." It rolled forward even more, and the blonde cried out. "I don't know what you _want_!" She took refuge behind DJ, who looked disappointed but understanding.

/

Cutting back to the twins showed both of them covered in mud and scrambling to get away from the sheep and goats chasing them. Eventually, one of them managed to haul herself over the fence and to relative safety. An alarm went off, and Chris appeared.

"Looks like only _one_ of you two managed to last the whole ten minutes!" he said as the second twin scrambled out of the pen as well. Chris looked at the two identical mud-covered young women and shrugged. "Not sure which one of you is _which_ , not like it _matters_ – the Gophers get another point either way!"

"This is _your_ fault!" the first twin to leave growled. "If you had just _distracted_ those _sheep_ , _I'd_ have gotten a point!"

"Sorry...," the second girl replied softly.

/

Geoff and Scott were shown again, still running and screaming away from their respective fears. Neither was watching where they were headed, and eventually they crashed into one another.

/

A flash transitioned the scene to the front of the Gopher's cabin. Sammy sat on the front porch, still covered in grime save her mostly-clean head. She sighed heavily.

"What's the matter?" DJ asked, appearing with Dawn by his side.

"Amy's pretty mad that I got a point but she didn't," Sammy explained. "She said I couldn't get cleaned up until she did, and I just _know_ she's gonna take credit for everything as soon as she can."

"Well, DJ and I will believe you," Dawn told her.

"Yeah!" DJ agreed. "But _man_ , your sister's _terrible_ for treating you like she does. Family ain't supposed to hate each other like that, it's messed up."

Sammy smiled meekly. "Thanks. I just wish I could _do_ something about it..."

"We could always try to have her voted off next time we lose a challenge," Dawn suggested.

The cheerleader scoffed sadly. "Yeah, like _that's_ ever gonna happen..."

It was then that Alejandro ran past them, hollering, "I can't _take_ it anymore!"

The trio was left shocked, and even more so when Topher ran past them from the other direction, clawing at his aged-up face. "Get it _off_! Get it _off_ _!_ "

Dawn, Sammy, and DJ shared a look of surprise.

/

The camera cut over to Bridgette, walking through the woods, eyes darting around. "Okay. Okay, okay, okay," she told herself. "You've lasted this far, Bridge, only...," she checked her watch, "two hours and thirty-nine minutes to go." The bushes rustled behind her, and she gave a small start. "Like I said, nothing to fear...," she muttered as a squirrel hopped into view.

xxx

"Actually," the blonde said confidently atop the confessional can, "I'd like to _thank_ the producers for making me face my fear. I'm proud of myself! Heck, once I got used to it, it was actually almost kind of _enjoyabl_ _e_ _!_ "

xxx

It was Scarlett's turn next. The camera showed her looking up at something, then switched viewpoints to show a high dive positioned over a large vat of some unidentified liquid. "All you have to do is dive right in!" Chris smiled.

"Naturally," the bespectacled young woman stated. She approached the ladder without hurry, and began to climb.

"Hey, what _is_ that anyway?" Scott asked in a maliciously loud tone.

"Can't say," the host said as he watched Scarlett climb. "Wouldn't be as bad if she knew what it was."

The redhead glared at the two as she reached the diving board. She turned her attention to the vat below, and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes, pinched her nose shut, and jumped. Most of her teammates cheered when she broke the surface of the mystery fluid, and the scoreboard updated to show the Bass' second point.

"Well, _this_ is within the levels of unpleasantness I predicted," Scarlett muttered once she surfaced.

"I'm glad you like it!" Chris called. "It's a mix of kitchen grease, garbage water, sewage, and a bunch of things that were in _unmarked jars_."

Scarlett shuddered, then vomited.

/

The clip of Jo confessing her fear of small dogs was shown in another flashback, and the scene cut to her, the Gophers, and Chris in the common area. The camera panned over to show Chef with a small brown terrier tugging at the end of its leash. It was yapping incessantly at Jo.

"Just one little pet is all you need," Chris told her.

"You are _much_ larger and tougher than it!" Alejandro added. "Petting such a small thing should be no problem for one such as you!"

Jo shot him a harsh look. "Well _you_ clearly haven't seen what those _things_ can do!" She paused and took a deep breath. "But you're right. I _am_ the toughest person here, and unlike you, _I_ can actually face my fear!" Alejandro looked down in shame.

The jock-ette faced the terrier and steeled herself. She locked eyes with her foe, and charged. Chef let go of the leash, and the dog charged as well, barking all the way.

The dog bit down on Jo's arm, but she still managed to grab it with her other hand. "How do you like me now, ya little _ra_ _t_ _?_ " she said, yanking her hand free and petting the terrier aggressively. Her teammates cheered, and the scoreboard updated.

/

Chris was handed a note from off-camera, and read it quickly. "Well well well!" he announced. "Looks like Bridgette managed to make it the full six hours, earning the Bass their third point!" The surfer girl's teammates except Scott celebrated. "We've only got Sierra left!"

"Well, looks like we win again!" Jo said, having separated herself from the annoying canine. "Even _if_ your Stalker faces her fear, it won't be enough to beat _us_!"

"Yeah, _about_ that..." Chris countered. "Since the team numbers are so uneven, I decided it would be more interesting if we went based on _percentages_." The Gophers groaned. "Since only _half_ of you guys were able to face your fears, that means the Killer Bass only need _four_ points to win, meaning it all comes down to _Sierra_!"

The tall girl squealed in excitement.

"Well then, if we _do_ lose," Jo pondered aloud, looking straight at Alejandro. "I wonder who we'll be voting _off_?"

Dawn took notice, and narrowed her eyes.

/

The footage skipped ahead to the final part of the challenge. Sierra stood frowning at a pile of books, CDs, video tapes, and other assorted merchandise all stamped with the grinning face of Chris McLean. Chef whistled as he doused the pile with gasoline.

"Sierra," Chris said with a hand on the girl's shoulder, "all you have to do is watch _all_ of the crap I've ever regretted doing burn to ashes without trying to save _any_ of it. Do you understand?"

Sierra nodded, and so did the host. Chef lit a match, and started the bonfire.

An oddly touching tune was played over several shots of Sierra watching the memorabilia get destroyed, the flames reflected in her increasingly sad eyes and trembling lips. Scott was shown about to say something, but Scarlett quickly covered his mouth and dragged him away.

The camera focused in on the case of burning video tape, the area around the hosts' smiling face slowly being consumed.

"NO!" a voice cried out, reaching into the flames and rescuing the tape.

It was Chris himself. "Even if it _is_ just a pile of embarrassing memories," he cried as he pulled more and more things out of the fire, "I can't bear to watch my face be _destroyed_ like this!"

"Umm, does this mean I get the point?" Sierra asked.

" _Ye_ _s_ _!_ " Chris exclaimed. "Just _help_ me with this, will ya?"

She did so with glee, and the camera panned over to the Killer Bass cheering heavily as the scoreboard announced their victory.

xxx

"Darn it, I was doing so _good_ , too!" Scott complained, leaning against the wall of the confessional and whittling a piece of wood. "I think _Scarlett_ might be _on_ to me..." His grimace turned into a wicked smile. "Well, I guess she'll just have to be _next_ , then, won't she?" He cackled as his confessional came to an end.

xxx

The standard dramatic music played over a shot of the moon, which panned down to show two marshmallows remaining on the plate atop the sole vacant log. "There are only two marshmallows left on this plate," Chris said as the camera zoomed out to reveal Alejandro, Topher, and Amy sitting closest to the host. Jo was also in the shot, smirking at her rival.

"The three of you did _not_ complete your challenges today," Chris continued as the camera focused in on the three losing contestants and their nervous looks. "One of you is going home tonight and cannot return. _Ev-er_." The handsome host smiled in a close-up. "The next name I'm gonna call...," he paused as each of the three camper's faces were shown, "is... Topher!" The Junior Chris was shown smiling as he walked over to claim his treat, and Amy and Alejandro shared a look of dread.

"The final marshmallow of the night goes to..." Chris began again, and suddenly the charmer's look of dread became a devilishly confident smile before the announcement was even made. "Alejandro!"

" _What_ _?!_ " Amy exclaimed. "But-but _Samey_...!"

Jo shoved her aside angrily. "Who cares about _her_ , Alejandro's the _thre_ _at_ _!_ "

The tall young man happily tossed his marshmallow up and down. "It seems the others disagreed with _both_ of you."

The older twin growled as Chef approached her. "You'll _pay_ for this Samey! I don't know what you _did_ , but you'll _p_ _ay_ _!_ "

Sammy was shown waving her tormentor off rather sheepishly. On either side of her sat Dawn and DJ, both glaring at the eliminated girl. They broke their gazes when she left their sight, and DJ turned a smile towards his friends. "Man, I can't believe she actually got eliminated! I wonder who voted for her besides us?"

"Oh, well, I'll tell you later...," Dawn said quickly, having had her eye caught by Alejandro.

xxx

"I'll admit, today was not my _finest_ moment in the competition," Alejandro mused. "Had it not been for Amy's treatment of her sister, I may have been at real risk of elimination! But, of course, I was _glad_ to give my assistance to Dawn – all I had to do was convince Topher to vote for Amy as well, and now _Dawn_ owes me a _favor_." He smiled evilly. "A favor which I shall make _very_ good use of."

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was pretty fun to write. The fears, the strategic Amy vote, Shawn beating up a bunch of interns, it was all pretty great.
> 
> Obviously I kept the canon fears the same, but some of the others were tricky to come up with. Sam's fear of flan was basically just a way to get the share-fest going, Jo's was a nod to Duncan's fear as a mirror of the 'tough person is afraid of something ridiculous', and Scott's was... Well, it was the best I could do considering he has no particular reason to be afraid of sharks in this fic.
> 
> Fun fact: it seems I had originally wanted Amy's fear to be of pigs, before I remembered 'I Love You Grease Pig' makes that basically impossible. Thus, the twins got similar petting zoo fears instead.
> 
> Alejandro's fear, I've been told, is pretty much legit torture. So, yeah. Sucks to be him, but it was hard for me to think of what the guy might legitimately be afraid of that wasn't just becoming ugly or the picky eater thing.
> 
> Oh, and unlike in canon Bridgette managed to face her fear of being alone in the woods! Good for her.
> 
> Nothing else I can think of to say right now. Let me know what you thought, and I'll see you all next time!
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (21st Place)
> 
> Ezekiel - (20th Place)
> 
> Sugar - (19th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (18th Place)
> 
> Amy - (17th Place)


	8. Up the Creek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want a reminder, the teams are as follows:
> 
> Killer Bass \- B, Bridgette, Ezekiel, Geoff, Sam, Scarlett, Scott, Sierra
> 
> Screaming Gophers – Alejandro, Beardo, Beth, Dawn, DJ, Jo, Sammy, Shawn, Topher
> 
> \- Fangren

"Last time on Total Drama Island!" Footage of the previous episode began to play, briefly showing Chris announcing the challenge in the mess hall, Alejandro getting closed in the isolation room, and then Amy and Sammy confessing - then facing – their fears. "The competitors were forced to conquer their deepest, darkest fears. Not all of them succeeded," Scott and Geoff's collision was shown, "but others surprised the group and faced their fears head-on;" the clips shown were of Beth, Sam, and Shawn.

"In a _shocking_ twist," DJ, Dawn, and Sammy were shown talking in front of their cabin was followed by the petite mystic's shared glance with her manipulative teammate, "Dawn formed a temporary alliance with Alejandro in order to get _Amy_ voted out."

Highlights of the elder twin's elimination were shown, and the Killer Bass were shown celebrating their victory. "With their losing streak _finally_ broken, will the Killer Bass manage to stay out of the water?" The camera cut to the host at the docks. "Will Alejandro call in the favor that is owed him? Find out today, on Total! Drama! Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode opened with a shot of the Killer Bass standing in a row. "Bass, Gophers!" Chris said as the camera panned over both teams to show him, his back to the camera, standing next to an easel. "Today's challenge is a _true_ summer camp experience: a canoe trip!" He turned around and the camera zoomed out, revealing a staircase down to a beach. Seven canoes already laid upon the sand – three red, four green.

"You'll be paddling your canoes across the lake," the host continued, "to _Boney Island_!" He turned back to the campers and announced the destination in an exaggerated spooky manner. He motioned to the easel, which displayed a map of an island. "When you get there, you must _portage_ your canoes to the _other side_ of the island." The camera zoomed in on the map, showing a skull-shaped mountain at the top, a red X nearby, and a red dashed line extending out to show the general path to another red X on the other side of the island. "Which, is about a two-hour hike through _treacherous_ , _dense_ , _jungl_ _e_ _!_ "

"We've gotta por- _wha_ _t_ _?_ " Geoff asked, scratching his head. Bridgette and Sam, standing nearby, looked at him in disbelief.

" _Por-ta-ge_ ," Chris repeated slowly and with air quotes. A fly was shown buzzing around the party boy's blank expression. "Dude, walk with your canoe!"

" _Oh_...," Geoff muttered off-screen as the host gave him a wink.

"When you arrive at the other end of the island," Chris resumed with his usual smile, "you'll build a rescue fire that will be judged by _me_!" The Gophers were panned across and bore generally hesitant and distrustful expressions. "The first team to paddle home and return their canoes to the beach is the winner of invincibility!" He pointed a thumb over his shoulders and became excited as the teens ran past him. " _Move_ , campers, _move_!"

"Oh, wait!" he called after them, causing the campers to stop in their tracks and look back at him. "One more thing I should mention! Legend has it, if you take _anything_ off the island, you'll be cursed _forever_ _!_ " He used a spooky tone for the last few words.

The campers were shown gaping as thunder cracked ominously overhead. "Hey, cursed loot!" Sam said. "Cool..." The other teens just stared at him, and the gamer went quiet.

"Now!" Chris began again. "Get in your canoes, and let's have some _fun_ _!_ " He smiled as the campers continued to walk towards the beach.

A toilet flushed off-screen and Beth came running into the shot, toilet paper trailing from her right shoe. "What'd I miss?" she asked quickly.

"Canoes," the host answered plainly with a gesture behind him. Beth dashed off to join her teammates.

xxx

"Chris told us to pick a paddle partner," Scott explained in the confessional, "which means _I_ gotta pick someone I can pin the loss on – and it's about time the _Smart Girl_ went _hom_ _e_ _!_ "

xxx

The footage cut back to a pan across the canoes to the first few campers descending the stairs to the beach. Scott was the first one down and sent a smile towards Scarlett. "Hey there! How 'bout you and me partner up!"

The bespectacled young woman raised an eyebrow. "No thank you." She looked over her shoulder and noticed Bridgette shooting Geoff an awkward smile. "Excuse me, Bridgette!" she called, getting the blonde's attention. "Would you partner with me for this challenge?"

The surfer looked relieved, and scurried over to the redhead. "Sure!" Behind her, Geoff's smile took on an undercurrent of disappointment.

xxx

"Man, I thought Bridge an' I were _tight_ ," the party boy confessed, "but lately, it feels kinda _weird_ between us, like I did somethin' _wrong_..." He looked down sadly for a brief moment before his face lit up again. "Nah! It's all _good_!"

xxx

"Come on, man," Sam told the boy as he passed, "let's get this co-op _start_ _ed_ _!_ "

"Excellent!" Geoff smiled, shooting his teammate a thumbs-up and running after him.

As the two pairs went to their canoes, Scott stood frowning. B and Sierra walked by, and the farmer shrugged, "Well, looks like the three of us are _together_ on this!"

/

The logo of the Screaming Gophers appeared in the upper left corner as the camera cut to them partnering up. Jo had gotten there first among her team, but Alejandro and Topher were the first to wordlessly pair up. With Dawn, DJ, and Sammy looking to claim the host-mandated group of three, Jo made a snap decision.

"Okay! Shortstuff, Beatbox, I'm letting you two handle yourselves today," she told her alliance members. "Shawn of the Dead, you're with me." The three teens looked a bit put-out by the nicknames, but shrugged and voiced no objection.

The scene cut over to the Gopher trio. "So," Dawn began, "how has Bunny been?"

"Great!" DJ grinned. "I've been doin' just what you told me too, and he's _really_ started to get used to people!"

Dawn smiled. "That's wonderful!"

xxx

"You know," Sammy said with a bit of thought, "DJ and Dawn have a _lot_ in common. They both love nature, they're both good with animals, and they've both been _really_ nice to me since we got here." She looked away from the camera and blushed faintly, then turned her face back forward with a knowing smile. "I bet they'd make a _great_ couple."

xxx

DJ picked up a life jacket and shot a wary look towards the canoe. "Hey, uh, do canoes flip over a lot?"

"I don't _think_ so," Sammy responded. "But even if they did, it's no big deal... right?" Suddenly fearful, she looked between their vessel and the lake uncertainly.

"Oh no, it shouldn't be for us," Dawn explained, "but DJ has been afraid of water since he was young, right?"

The gentle giant nodded and shuddered. "Yeah, ever since the _wedgie flop_."

"Wedgie flop?" Sammy repeated. "That sounds painful."

"It _was_ ," DJ told her. "My brothers dared me to jump off the high dive when I was eight," he explained, "and even though I was scared I did it. Landed on my _butt_ , which doesn't sound _too_ bad, but my trunks went so far up there I had to go to the _hospital_ to get 'em removed."

Sammy looked astonished. "Oh _wow_ _!_ How did you manage to jump off that cliff in the _first_ challenge?"

DJ shrugged. "What can I say? Jo was scarier than the water."

Sammy laughed. "Yeah, I can imagine."

xxx

It was Dawn's turn to use the confessional, sitting on the toilet in lotus position with her hands clasped together. "Sammy and DJ's auras go _great_ together," she said happily. "I just _know_ it's only a matter of time before they find love!"

xxx

Alejandro was shown dragging his and Topher's canoe into the water, and the Gopher trio were seen trying to do the same. DJ, in his fear, had already gotten inside leaving his two smaller friends to do the work. "Sorry about this," the young man said.

"No worries," Dawn answered.

"Yeah, just leave this part to us!" Sammy added.

It was then that the Bass team of Sierra, Scott, and B rowed past. "Wow, what a _man_ _!_ " the redhead mocked, causing DJ to hang his head in shame while Dawn and Sammy glared.

/

The footage skipped forward and the camera panned across the various sub-teams lined up in their canoes, then zoomed to the host on the beach. He cocked a starting pistol, and raised it into the air. "On your marks! Get set! _Paddle_!" He fired the gun, and the frantic screech of a bird could be heard over a shot of the race beginning. The scene cut briefly back to Chris as a large eagle fell out of the sky in front of him. "Well, _that's_ gonna make some people mad," he stated.

The campers were shown rowing their way across the lake, and the camera focused in on Dawn, Sammy, and DJ.

"So, do you think Chris was kidding about the whole 'cursed island' thing?" Sammy asked.

"Hard to say," Dawn told her. "For although Chris _did_ seem to truly expect us to get cursed, I haven't sensed any dark clouds or looming tragedies – at least, no more than _usual_."

"That's, umm... reassuring?" Sammy smiled halfheartedly, as did DJ behind her.

Dawn smiled at them. "I wouldn't worry too much, they really only mean that we're at the mercy of Chris. If anything _truly_ ominous occurs, I'll make sure to let you know. "

"Oh, thanks!" Sammy said. "Being here would be _way_ worse without you, Dawn." The mystic blushed at her friend's smile.

xxx

"Yeah, Dawn can take some gettin' used to," DJ said from the privacy of the outhouse. "But she's pretty cool once you get to know her. Sammy too." He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "To tell the truth, I wouldn't mind datin' either one of 'em, but I'm pretty sure they're into each other."

xxx

The camera followed the Gopher trio for another few seconds before panning forward to show Jo and Shawn paddling quickly. "I was the captain of my whitewater team back home," she boasted, "so our win is pretty much a guarantee."

"Somehow I doubt we'll be seeing any rapids," Shawn told her. "Besides, it's the _curse_ we have to _worry_ about."

The jock-ette scoffed loudly. "Oh please, I'm sure that was just McClean trying to psyche us out."

"Yeah, well, I'm not gonna take the risk of having one of us turn into some kinda magical _zombie_ in the middle of the challenge," the survivalist replied.

"Sure is a great day out," Topher mentioned as the focus passed to him and Alejandro. "Which is a shame, really. A canoe race to a cursed island totally needs more _ambiance_ , am I right?"

The charmer shook off a raised eyebrow. "Oh yes, certainly."

/

The scene cut to Geoff and Sam. "Can I ask you somethin', dude?" the party boy opened. "I gave Bridgette an _awesome_ gift this morning but she's been sendin' me some _weird vibes_." As he scratched his head, the camera cut to the object of his affection.

/

"Oh my _gosh_ , Scarlett, it was _so bad_!" the blonde vented as a flashback from her perspective began. "I came back from brushing my teeth," she said as her arm was shown opening the door to her cabin and her bed was zoomed in on, "and I noticed something _bulging_ under my covers, and when I lifted them, _there_ it _was_!

A heart-shaped object was revealed as the ominous background music spiked dramatically. It was pink and covered in pieces of dry macaroni, and pasted into the center was a photo of Geoff and Bridgette which had clearly been taped together from two other pictures.

"Hmm," Scarlett could be heard saying, "that certainly sounds awful."

"I _know_ , right?" Bridgette replied, and the scene shifted back to the boys.

/

"I made it in Arts and Crafts," Geoff explained as the background music became flowery once more.

"Really, dude?" Sam told him in disbelief.

Geoff nodded happily. "Yup!"

/

"It gets _worse_ ," Bridgette continued as the scene switched back to her. "Etched into the back was an _inscription_ that said..."

/

"I hope you think of me whenever you drop loose change into this," Geoff finished. Sam groaned.

/

Bridgette mimed choking, and Scarlett sighed in exasperation.

/

"Not good?" Geoff asked his paddle partner.

"Dude, I don't really know much about girls," Sam answered, "but even _I_ know that's not how you're supposed to do romance. You gotta take things _slowly_ , make sure you trigger all the right flags before you move on to the next part of the sidequest. Handmade gifts are for _later_ , once you're almost at the end!"

The party boy looked like he was trying to understand, but mostly looked confused by the gamer's explanation. "So... you're sayin' I messed up?"

" _Totally_ , man," Sam said.

/

"Hey, Sierra," Scott began slowly and deliberately as the camera focused on the Bass trio, "you know all about Chris, right? You reckon he was telling the truth about the whole 'cursed island' thing?"

The tall girl nodded enthusiastically. "Oh yeah. Based on his body language and tone of voice, I'd estimate about an 89.7% chance that Boney Island is cursed."

"Well _shucks_ ," Scott exclaimed in an exaggerated manner, "that's not good for us, is it? My Grandpappy's had a few run-ins with curses before, and _he_ told me they always affect the ones that don't _believe_ in 'em the _most_." The point-of-view rotated to show Scott, Sierra, and B looking at the Bass girls in the water ahead of them. "And there's no way someone like _Scarlett_ is gonna believe in a _curse_."

Sierra gasped. "Oh my gosh, I bet she's like a curse _magn_ _et_ _!_ "

The schemer nodded and grinned. "Yeah, that's what I was thinkin'. Well, at least if we _lose_ , we know who to _vote off_." Though neither Scott nor Sierra noticed it, B pursed his lips and glared.

It was then that the music took an ominous and spooky twist distinct from what had been used for other clips. Fog began to appear in front of the campers, lightly at first but thickening by the second. "Hey, is it just me, or is it getting hard to see?" Sierra asked her teammates.

"No," Scott answered, "I think this is _new_."

/

The camera zoomed out to show the cluster of seven canoes gliding through a part of the lake infested with fog and rocks. The map of Boney Island appeared on-screen and faded into a shot of the island itself as Chris' words were repeated. "You'll be paddling your canoes across the lake, to _Boney Island_!" Blanketed in mist and pines, the most prominent feature of the new landscape was a central skull-shaped mountain looking out over the lake.

The campers looked wary as they paddled closer, and as the first few canoes ran ashore the focus was put on Alejandro and Topher.

"Now _this_ is what I call _atmospher_ _e_ _!_ " Topher declared, jumping to the beach and spreading his arms excitedly. " _Perfect_ location for a haunted island, as _expected_ from the man himself!" A screeching gust of wind crossed over the skull-shaped mountain, as did the camera.

"I... think we should probably stay here as _little_ as possible," Dawn advised as her partners lifted the canoe over their head, and the campers quickly departed for the interior.

The two teams were shown running through the forest, passing an eerie number of impaled skulls along the trail. A large tree fell in front of the Killer Bass, and Sam cried out as several pairs of yellow eyes opened in the darkness around them. A bush rustled off to the side.

"What was _that_?" Sam said, looking around in fear.

A large animal with shaggy brown fur, bucked teeth, and gnarled tusks popped its head into view. Several more followed, and a few of the beasts even took heavy steps towards the terrified campers.

"Monster beavers!" Scott yelled. "Run for it!" He turned his canoe and ran screaming.

xxx

It was Chris himself who made of the outhouse for the next clip. "A remnant of the Pleistocene era," he exposited, "the Woolly Beaver is a day-active rodent, indigenous to Boney Island. Oh yeah, and they're _meat-eaters_!" He finished his confession with a wink.

xxx

The Killer Bass were shown running away from a pack of no less than five beavers. They passed a bear rubbing its back against a tree; it watched the procession in confusion and even pulled out a pair of eyeglasses, presumably to verify what it had seen.

The Bass continued running with Scott at the fore. "Aww, crap!" he exclaimed as the group came upon a shallow pool nestled against a dead-end cliff. There were numerous gatherings of grass and twigs dotted along the cliffside, and the beavers were shown giving up their pursuit at the edge of the pool.

"Hey, they're leaving!" Sam noted.

"But _wh_ _y_ _?_ " Scarlett pondered with furrowed brow. "Everything I've read about them suggests they should have simply _killed_ us."

B's eyes went wide as he spotted something stirring nearby, but he went unnoticed.

"Who cares? They're _gone_ , dudes!" Geoff rejoiced in a loud enough voice to raise a head from every nest along the wall of rock.

The animals had coloration reminiscent of Canada Geese, but they were much larger, had elongated head-crests, and possessed bills full of teeth. As they began to squawk and chatter at the campers, Scarlett offered a few more words. "We appear to have stumbled into the territory of _another_ predatory species!"

/

The shot cut to the Killer Bass running and screaming passed the same glasses-wearing bear, this time with the monster geese in pursuit. The bear, apparently unaccustomed to such sights, snapped its glasses with a grunt.

"Scarlett, you're smart, figure something _out_!" Scott cried.

"The canoes!" the genius announced after a moment. "If we work together, we should be able to use their weight and breadth to simultaneously bludgeon the geese and shield ourselves!" To demonstrate she moved her grip to the seat and ribs of the canoe, her partner and the other groups following suit shortly after. They turned around and charged the geese, ramming the hulls forward and knocking the birds away. The geese soon gave up their pursuit, and the Killer Bass were passed by their human opponents.

"Come on dudes, it's not over yet!" Geoff declared as they began running once more.

/

The footage cut to the Screaming Gophers at a fork in the trail. "Which way we gonna go?" DJ asked.

"I'm thinking _left_ ," Jo said, pointing in her preferred direction.

"But the right trail is _wider_ ," Alejandro objected, "so we'll be able to travel more quickly."

"What do you think, Dawn?" Sammy asked the girl in front of her.

The short blonde, arms stretched to their limits due to the height difference within the trio, merely looked from left to right. "There is _slightly_ more danger looming to the left," she announced, and the Gophers veered right.

The shot cut back to the Bass. "Hey, I can see the others!" Sam exclaimed.

"They're headed right!" Bridgette added.

"Then _we_ should head _left_!" Scott declared.

/

The scene skipped ahead to show the three Bass sub-teams slowly but steadily making their way through the dense forest. Geoff was taking the lead, but he suddenly began to sink into the ground. "Uh, dudes, I think we've got a _problem_ here!"

xxx

"Yeah, so it was just _quicksand_ ," the fun-lover explained. "Who'd have guessed it looked so much like _regular_ sand?"

xxx

Chris laughed from within the outhouse. "Can you believe they _fell_ for that?" he asked the camera, barely controlling his mirth. "I set it up, but I didn't think anyone would walk _into_ it! That's just _great_!"

xxx

"A little _hel_ _p_ _?_ " Geoff asked as he continued to sink.

"Oh no!" Bridgette cried, dashing out from her canoe to the edge of the hazard.

Scarlett sighed, struggling under the weight of her previously-shared burden. "Remain calm, and slowly assume a supine position while B locates a means of pulling you out," she advised as the largest member of the team separated from Scott and Sierra.

"A _what_ position?" Geoff asked frantically, now up to his armpits.

"On your _back_ , Geoff, your _ba_ _ck_ _!_ " the surfer girl told him hurriedly. The party-goer nodded, and started leaning backwards. B appeared again bearing a vine coiled around his arm; he tossed one end to his teammate and got a firm grip on the rest. The free end was shown landing on the trapped boy's face; Geoff smiled and took hold. He pulled himself to freedom moments later.

Bridgette, Sam, and Sierra cheered. "Scarlett, B, thank you _so_ much!" the blonde girl said as she helped her teammate to his feet.

The silent one gave her his usual smirk and thumbs-up. "You're welcome," Scarlett told her. "The relatively higher surface area of a supine body will _obviously_ result in increased buoyancy, I merely remained calm enough to inform you all of that fact."

Scott snorted and rolled his eyes. "Come on, we gotta _go_!"

/

" _Just_ when things were looking up for the Gophers," Chris' voice-over said as the scene cut to the other team, focusing on Alejandro and Topher as the latter fell forward suddenly, " _disaster_ struck!"

"My _leg_!" the handsome boy cried in agony, lying on his back and clutching his leg. "My precious _leg_! Why _now_? I...I can't go _on_ like this!"

"Suck it up," Jo scoffed as she and Shawn stopped to look back. "Now keep movin',we've got a _challenge_ to win!"

DJ stopped and shook his head. "Nuh-uh," he told her, "we're not leavin' any man behind while _I'm_ around!" He stepped out from under his shared canoe and took a step towards his fallen teammate.

xxx

"I'll admit I like to work the camera now and then," Topher admitted, "but make no mistake, I was _seriously_ hurt. I'm surprised I made it!"

xxx

"I've seen people get run over by tractors before," Beth told the camera, "but I've _never_ seen something _this_ bad!"

xxx

"Dude just _kept_ goin'!" DJ added, tapping a fist to his chest. "What can I say, the man's got _hea_ _rt_ _!_ "

xxx

The camera cut to a close-up of a jagged piece of wood stuck in human flesh, then zoomed out several times until the splinter was no longer visible and the afflicted was revealed to be lying on top of the canoe now carried by Alejandro and DJ.

By the time the Gophers arrived, the Bass were already at the beach and working on their fire. Geoff tipped his hat to them as B knelt down to the team's tinder pile, rubbing two objects together vigorously enough to create sparks. He blew encouragingly on the small flames they made, and soon the tinder pile was alight.

"How did they do that so _quickly_?" Alejandro asked in astonishment.

B smiled, holding up a 9-volt battery and a paper clip, rubbing them together to create another spark.

The shot cut to Chris piloting a small red helicopter. "Hey, no rule against that!" he announced. "Edge: Killer Bass!"

/

Beth and Sammy were shown gathering wood off the beach for their team while Scott watched. He frowned, then walked over to a nearby bush. The music took an ominous bent as the schemer's eyes went wide, and a small wooden object was shown lying on the ground. It was a carved idol, and its appearance was accompanied by a brief rattling sound.

The clip of Chris' warning at the beginning of the challenge was flashed back to. "If you take _anything_ off the island, you'll be cursed _forever_!"

Scott's eyes narrowed and a devilish grin appeared on his face. " _Perfect_ ," he muttered as he picked the idol up. The camera zoomed out to show Alejandro peering at him from a distance.

/

The camera cut over to Bridgette and Geoff combing a different part of the beach. "So, uh," Geoff began awkwardly, "I just wanted to say thanks for helpin' me out back there."

"It was nothing," Bridgette told him without meeting his eyes, "just helping out a teammate."

The party boy's face fell slightly. "Right, right." The two continued to work in silence for another few moments before Geoff spoke up again. "And, uh, sorry about, y'know, the gift. I guess it wasn't very good, huh?"

"...Yeah, but it wasn't the _worst_...," the surfer said with a small smile.

"Excuse me!" the pair of blondes had their attention caught by Scarlett's voice from off-screen. "If you have any more firewood, please bring it to the firepit so the flame can be fed."

The camera cut to Scott, taking advantage of his team being distracted to inch closer to their canoes. He double- and triple-checked that nobody was watching, pulled out his whittling knife, and started to work on the nearest boat. The redheaded saboteur did not notice one set of eyes catching his misdeed.

xxx

"Now what on earth was that dirt farmer doing?" Alejandro pondered looking away from the camera and rubbing his chin. "I'd have understood if it was _our_ canoes he was taking a knife to, but why would he sabotage his _own_ team's chance of winning?" The charmer shrugged and smiled. "No matter. If he wants his team to lose, why not let him do as he pleases?"

xxx

With Scarlett watching on, the Killer Bass arranged their freshest wood in a way that caused their fire to grow. The camera panned over to Jo, who pursed her lips and looked down on the Gopher's smaller blaze. Behind her, Topher dragged himself along the land with one arm, having managed to gather a token amount of tinder even with his injured leg.

"Okay people," she barked, "we need to make it _bigge_ _r_ _!_ More _woo_ _d_ _!_ "

"No need," Shawn stated as he walked into view. "I've got it covered." He held out a golf ball-sized object for his team to see, and continued his explanation. "I made it from some tree sap and a few other plants I found in the woods, it should give our fire the boost it needs. You should _probably_ take a few steps back though."

His teammates were shown complying warily, and Shawn nodded. He tossed the ball into the flames and ran away, the camera switching to a full shot of the beach they were on as the fire suddenly tripled in size. Chris was shown watching from his helicopter, Dawn and Sammy were shown shielding their eyes, and the Bass were shown with mouths wide open. "Woo! Looks like we've got our fire building winners!" the host announced from the air. "Point for the Gophers!"

"Nice work!" Jo commended. "Where'd you learn to make it?"

Shawn brushed a bit of soot from his clothes. "Basic research," he explained. "Sudden explosive fires are handy as both a weapon _and_ for distracting zombies, so it helps to know how to build one from whatever you have available."

/

The scene cut to the canoes sitting in the water, panning left to show both teams making their approach. Alejandro helped Topher into their shared canoe, and the seven groups set off at about the same time. However, the Screaming Gophers soon pulled ahead.

The Bass paddled harder but to no avail; Bridgette gasped and pointed at the floor of her canoe. "Scarlett, _look_! We're taking on water!" The redhead complied, as did the camera – water was slowly seeping in through cracks and holes in the canoe.

"Us too!" Geoff called out with a hint of panic.

"Same here!" Scott added with forced surprise.

"How did this _happen_?" Scarlett asked to herself more than anything else. "All three of our canoes made the initial journey without issue!"

Scott briefly smirked. "It must've happened when we used them against those monster _geese_!"

Scarlett frowned. "Paddle harder, and we may be able to overcome the additional drag!" she commanded, but her team's frenzied pace was not enough – the Gophers landed all four of their canoes before the first of the Bass arrived.

"The Gophers are the winners!" Chris announced to the cheers of the larger team.

The moment the Bass were on dry land, Scarlett flipped over her canoe to examine the hull. When she did so, a small wooden object fell to Bridgette's feet.

"Scarlett, what _is_ this?" she asked her partner.

The red-haired young woman spared it a single moment's glance. "A piece of wood carved into an approximation of the humanoid form, but I fail to see the relevance. More importantly, these holes," she rubbed a finger around the damage to the hull, "were _clearly_ made from inside the canoe. It's unlikely they were caused by the anserines we encountered earlier."

"Hey, did you get that from the _islan_ _d_ _?_ " Scott asked immediately, taking the idol out of Bridgette's hands.

Sierra gasped. "Oh em gee, it must be _curse_ _d_ _!_ "

"Well guys, I guess we know who to vote off, right?" Scott said smugly.

Scarlett's eyes went wide for a moment, before she turned a glare at her fellow redhead. " _You_ did this!" she accused. "And furthermore, you've been sabotaging us from the _beginning_!" Bridgette, Sam, Geoff, and even B gasped; Scott put his hands up defensively.

"Whoa, hold on! You can't be _serious_ , right? Why would I sabotage my _own_ team?" Scott said.

Scarlett took a step towards him. "I don't _know_ why, but the evidence suggests _one_ obvious conclusion! _You_ left the group shortly after Lightning was last seen during the camping challenge and returned shortly after Bridgette was startled and unintentionally incinerated the tent, _you_ were the last person still awake from on our team during the 'Awake-a-thon', _you_ were the last person who could have talked to Dakota before she decided _not_ to jump in the first challenge, and _you_ are the only person known to carry an object capable of _damaging_ treated wood!" With each accusation Scarlett took a step forward and her glare intensified.

"Oh yeah?" Scott sneered. " _Prove_ it!"

The two redheads locked eyes for a silent few seconds before they were interrupted by an unexpected visitor.

"I apologize for intruding, "Alejandro said, "but I could not help but overhear your troubles. Although it is _hardly_ my place to cast judgment, I _did_ notice Scott picking something up out of a bush while we were all gathering wood, and then go over to your team's canoes."

"Hey, that must have been when you wrecked the boats!" Sam exclaimed. "I bet you planted the cursed idol, too!"

"B-but...," Scott began to say, eyes wide and suddenly fearful. "Th-the _statue_..."

He held it out again, but Scarlett slapped it out of his hands. "Irrelevant! _You_ are the one who has been causing us to lose challenges, not _it_ _!_ " The camera followed Scott's wild glances at his angry teammates, then cut to static.

xxx

Alejandro laughed. " _Sure_ , I could have allowed him to continue holding back the other team, but _this_ way I get to watch him squirm _and_ gain their trust!" He laughed again as his confessional ended.

xxx

A wolf was shown howling against the moon as the elimination ceremony began. "And now," Chris said, "the always anxiety-inducing," he spun the plate of treats on one finger, " _marshmallow ceremony_."

The camera panned across the Killer Bass, most of them glaring at Scott. "When I call your name, come and get a marshmallow. Sam!" The gamer smiled and claimed his prize. "Geoff," he smiled and stood up, "Bridgette," she stood up as well, and the blondes smiled at each other, "Sierra," the tall girl squealed and dashed forward, "and B." A tense note was struck as the largest Bass took his marshmallow confidently, and the camera showed one bit of white left on the plate.

"One last marshmallow," Chris announced. "The person who _doesn't_ get this marshmallow," Scarlett was shown with her arms crossed, "will _walk_ off the Dock of Shame," Scott was panned to as he chewed his nails, "and take a _ride_ on the _Boat_ of _Losers_. Who's it gonna be?" the host smiled.

Scarlett rolled her eyes. "We already know, so please cease the extended formalities."

Chris frowned. " _Fine_. _Scarlett_." He flicked the final marshmallow across the fire, and the young woman caught it easily.

Scott snorted. "Whatever," he said with a look straight towards Scarlett. "I would have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for _Alejandro_ – as far as I'm concerned, _he's_ the one who caught me, not _you_."

The bespectacled young woman twitched briefly, but said nothing as the dirt farmer walked away.

/

The scene skipped forward to a shot of the communal bathrooms, and zoomed out to show Sam making his way towards them as Dakota came out of them holding a mop and bucket. He looked up from the handheld game console he was playing and smiled.

"Oh, hey!" the gamer said happily. "How's it hangin'?"

"Crappy as usual," the heiress-turned-intern answered. "I've barely gotten any _camera time_ lately!" She noticed the one on Sam, and immediately started posing for it. "But hey, I heard you got rid of that slimeball _Scott._ "

Sam chuckled. "Yeah, Scarlett really tore into him, you should've been there." He quickly realized his faux pas. "Err, I mean..."

"Don't worry about it. I probably would've been voted out early even _without_ Scott's bad advice," the blonde said. "I'm not really cut out for all those _challenges_. I really should've signed up for a _different_ reality show, y'know?"

"Yeah, well, if it's any consolation _I'm_ glad you signed up for Total Drama," the blushing gamer told her.

"Aww, thanks!" Dakota smiled.

/

The scene cut again to an outdoor shot of the Bass cabin as the sound of something shattering was played. The view shifted to a close-up of Bridgette's gift from Geoff, laying on the floor in pieces. The surfer sighed and looked up at Scarlett who was cleaning her glasses, and asked "Have any glue?"

"No," Scarlett replied with a dismissive look to the floor, "but I wouldn't bother – it holds no significant value to you, correct?"

Bridgette picked up the pieces and smiled lightly. "Maybe it _does_..."

/

The camera cut one more time to the beach, and the music became ominous and eerie. The shot focused on the wooden idol from Boney Island, nestled in between two rocks. Lightning flashed, and the scene rapidly zoomed out to the full shot of the island as the lights were turned off and the feed cut to static.

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there heads Scott at the start of the second quarter, victim of his own plotting and of greater villains than he.
> 
> Originally, the plan had been to give Beth the idol as in canon. This was a stupid plan, because Scott getting it was so much better (and also avoided the problem of Dawn immediately knowing her roommate was cursed). I considered removing that initial scene during this revision, but... honestly, it probably helped the flow of the episode be less obvious.
> 
> The splinter thing was still stupid time-filler though. Didn't even provide any shipping moments like in canon, just gave Topher a chance to be a drama queen. But whatever. I didn't feel like replacing it, obviously. Kinda wish I found room for more B content, though. Dude is pretty invisible. But I couldn't figure out how to work him in to the big reveal of Scott's misdeeds, so...
> 
> Well, whatever. It is what it is. Let me know what you think, and I'll see you all next time!
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (21st Place)
> 
> Ezekiel - (20th Place)
> 
> Sugar - (19th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (18th Place)
> 
> Amy - (17th Place)
> 
> Scott - (16th Place)


	9. Paintball Deer Hunter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want a reminder, the teams are as follows:
> 
> Killer Bass \- B, Bridgette, Ezekiel, Geoff, Sam, Scarlett, Sierra
> 
> Screaming Gophers – Alejandro, Beardo, Beth, Dawn, DJ, Jo, Sammy, Shawn, Topher
> 
> \- Fangren

"Last time, on Total Drama Island!" The opening clip was a pan across the seven canoes to show the teams walking up to them, which soon faded into the map of their destination, and a shot of the island itself. "Both teams set out on a canoe trip, to _deadly_ Boney Island!"

A montage of the two teams paddling across the lake shifted to focus on the devious farmer as he chose their direction and shiftily approached their boats while his teammates worked on the fire. "Scott continued to sabotage his team by filling their canoes with holes, and even planted a creepy-stick-statue-voodoo-thingy that he found in order to pin the blame on Scarlett."

A close-up of the idol was shown, as was the Killer Bass falling behind in the final stretch, and Scarlett glaring angrily. "He managed to cause his team to lose, _again_ , but Scarlett proved too smart to fool and called Scott out. And when Alejandro spilled the beans about seeing Scott at work," the handsome young man was shown talking to his opponents, "the rest of the Bass got _pretty_ TO'd as well!"

Chris laughed, and continued over clips of the elimination ceremony. " _Unsurprisingly_ , Scott got the boot – but not before leaving behind the cursed statue thing." The object in question was shown again, lightning flashing ominously as it sat on the beach. The footage cut to the host's close-up as he finished his introduction. "Will the Killer Bass finally be able to start winning now that Scott's gone?" He looked over at Dakota, who was holding up a full-length mirror next to the host. "And can my teeth _get_ any whiter?" he said, admiring his reflection. "Find out here! On! Total! Drama! Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

A peaceful tune opened the episode alongside a scene of a rabbit hopping across the common area; the shadow and sounds of a helicopter disturbed the tranquility as Chris, in pilot's uniform, flew over the cabins and winked at the camera.

The shot cut inside to the boys' side of the Bass cabin as Sam jolted awake. "Gah!" he cried, falling out of his top bunk. "Okay, _that's_ overdoing it. Why can't we just get a _normal_ wake-up call for once?" B yawned from the bed below the gamer's, and nodded. The camera panned over to Geoff, looking similarly annoyed.

Cutting back outside, the helicopter flew over to the Gopher cabin, causing a headgear-wearing Beth to hit her head on the bunk above her and groan. "Why does he always _do_ that?" she lisped, rubbing her new bump.

"To sort out the _weak_ ," Jo said as she hopped down from the higher bunk, "so quit _complaining_ and start _moving_." Beth sighed, and the other two girls in the room shared a look.

/

The scene flashed ahead to show Beth and Jo arriving at the communal bathrooms. To their surprise, DJ and Beardo were standing outside of it along with the Bass girls.

"What's with the _line_?" Jo asked, cutting around the queue to talk to her teammates directly.

"Topher wanted some _private time_ ," DJ answered. "only let _Alejandro_ in with him, and even _that_ dude's left by now."

" _Wow_ ," Beth said with a finger on her lip.

Jo rolled her eyes, walked forward, and pounded on the door. "Hey Pretty Boy, don't take all day!"

"Man, Topher may be _hot_ but hoggin' the bathroom like this ain't right," Beardo said.

The piercing sound of feedback drew the group's attention to a nearby loudspeaker. "I hope you're ready for the _most_ challenging challenge _yet_!" Chris announced. "Breakfast in three minutes at the campfire pit!"

Sam and Geoff were shown listening in their room, and the camera cut back to the bathroom. "Aww screw it," Jo said, "I'll just go in the _woods_. Beth, Beardo, make sure you don't hold anybody _up_ , got it?" Her allies sighed as she stormed off.

/

The footage flashed ahead to the campers assembled before Chris. "Are you ready, for today's EXTREME MAX IMPACT _CHALLENGE_?!" the host asked them excitedly. The campers just stared at him blankly, and Chris rolled his eyes. " _Whatever_ ," he said, throwing a can at the teens – it was caught by DJ just before it hit Sammy, and the two smiled at each other.

" _This_ ," Chris said as he tossed cans to Alejandro, Beardo, and Jo, "is _breakfast_."

" _Beans_?" Alejandro questioned, looking at the can closely. "Hardly a _balanced_ breakfast."

"Hey, cool!" Sam said as he examined his own can. "They _always_ give you random food items as power-ups in video games!"

"Today's challenge is about _survival_ ," Chris continued. "We're going _hunting_!" He pulled out a lime green gun from behind his back, which got the attention of a few campers.

"Yes!" Jo pumped her fist. "Finally we get a _decent_ challenge!" Next to her, Sam happily dug into his meal.

Scarlett stepped forward and peered at the firearm with a smile. "A paintball gun, if I'm not mistaken?"

"Why yes Scarlett, it is!" Chris answered happily, shooting at the redhead but narrowly missing.

"So we won't be _killing_ anything?" Bridgette asked from the host's other side.

"Negatory!" Chris told her. " _This_ is the first ever paintball deer hunt! I'll announce the teams once we get into the woods! _Sooo_ , finish brekkie!" Dawn, DJ, and Sammy were shown listening quietly, but turned their heads when Sam belched.

The gamer blushed. "Heh, excuse me."

/

The music picked as the scene skipped forward again, showing the two teams standing apart from each other. In front of them, Chris stood next to a large rack, upon which several colored paintball guns were hanging.

"And now for the team breakdowns," the host announced. "The Killer Bass hunters are," he began to reach for another lime green gun, "B, Sam, and Bridgette!" The two guys caught their weapons happily, but Bridgette looked uncertain. "Lock and loaded with Bass Blue paint!" Chris told them before moving on.

"And using orange paint," the host grabbed a magenta gun off the rack, "are the Gopher hunters! Jo, Beth, Topher, and Samey!"

"Good choice, Chris!" the handsome boy told his idol.

Chris smiled, putting on a pair of orange-tinted safety glasses and camouflage-print hat. "You _also_ get these _stylin'_ glasses an' _wicked_ camo caps! The rest of you," the camera turned to show the remaining eight campers and two deep notes were struck in the music, "are now _deer_. Here are your antlers, noses" he held up an antler headband and a small stick-on nose, " _aaaand_ little white _tails_ ," he finished by turning around and wiggling his own fake tail with a laugh.

"You _can't_ be _serious_!" Alejandro exclaimed.

Scarlett sighed. "I assume we'll be penalized if we remove this embarrassing equipment?"

"You got it!" Chris smiled, forcing the items on to Alejandro along with a pair of safety glasses, causing Jo to snicker.

"Well, if I _must_ be a deer," the tall boy said in resignation, "then at least I shall be a _handsome_ and _noble_ one."

"Whatever you say, _Bamb_ _i_ _!_ " Jo said with a smirk.

/

The Bass logo appeared in the top right corner as the team's three deer were shown walking through the woods.

"Hey, at least we get a head start," Geoff said.

"We should probably separate," Scarlett advised. "We stand a better chance of winning if they have to locate each of us individually." Geoff and Sierra nodded, and the three split up.

/

The scene cut over to the five Gopher deer, their own logo sliding into view in the corner.

"Well y'all, I'm outta here!" DJ said with a smile, bounding off on all fours.

"Me too," Shawn said as he started to climb a tree. "This'll be good _practice_ for the zombie apocalypse."

Alejandro and Beardo shared a look. "So then, what should we do?" The charmer turned to the last member of their group, but Dawn had disappeared without a trace.

Beardo produced an eerie whistle as he shared another look with Alejandro. "But seriously, I'm probably gonna go find Beth, an' see what Jo wants us to do _this_ time," he finished with a hint of bitterness.

"You really shouldn't allow Jo to dictate everything you do," Alejandro said. "I'm certain you're capable enough to hide on your own."

Beardo blushed at the charmer's smile. "Yeah,well, I figure nobody will expect me to be hangin' with a couple hunters, right? So I guess I'll see you later."

xxx

"Breaking up Jo's alliance may be easier than I expected," Alejandro mused in the confessional. "Jo may be the most difficult _individually_ , but her allies appear to be more loyal to _each other_ than they are to Jo. If I can get rid of even _one_ of them, the alliance should disintegrate!"

xxx

A short triumphant melody was played over a shot of Sam, B, and Bridgette putting their hands together. "Go team!" the gamer said as they broke and the boys put on their glasses.

Bridgette still looked hesitant to be holding a gun, and her teammates took a step forward to console her.

"Hey, don't worry about it!” Sam told her. “It's just paint, it's not like anybody's gonna get _hurt_ or anything. Just think of it as a _game_!"

The gentle girl took a deep breath and picked up her gun. "You're right. If I can stand being alone in the woods for six hours, I can stand shooting a few paintballs at the Gophers."

B smiled and gave her a thumbs-up, and three set off.

/

"Start your paintballs!" The loudspeaker was shown again as the host signaled the beginning of the challenge. " _Game on_!"

"Alright!" Beth cheered, popping into the shot. "Let's go bag some _deer_!"

"Oh yeah!" Jo pumped her fist. "We're gonna show those Bass who's boss!"

Sammy hesitantly raised a hand. "Umm, sorry, but what's our plan? It's just that, y'know, the woods are pretty _big_ , and there are only _three_ of them, so-"

"Good point, Samey!" Topher interrupted with a smile.

The cheerleader raised a finger to correct him. "Umm, it's _Sammy_..."

"Whatever," the handsome boy said dismissively. "The point is, it's time for _this_ guy," he pointed his thumbs towards his chest, "to show the world what he can do _alone_ , so I'll catch you ladies later!"

As he walked away, Sammy walked closer to Jo and Beth. "As much as I hate to say it, the mini-Chris has a point," Jo said. "We need to split up if we wanna cover enough ground to find our prey, so Samey, you should go hunt in another direction."

"Okay," Sammy replied, "but, uhh, what about you two?"

Jo pursed her lips in thought, but it was Beth who answered. "I guess we could go find Beardo?" The jock-ette gave her a questioning look, and the wannabe quickly continued. "I mean, maybe he knows where some of the other deer are?"

"Good thinking," Jo said, looking impressed. "Alright, we're gonna go find Beardo, so you go start hunting."

"Oh! Okay. I guess that means I'll be on my _own_ then...," Sammy told her hesitantly, turning around and walking off. She briefly stopped to look back, but Jo and Beth had already gone. She hung her head and sighed.

/

The footage skipped ahead to show the two girls quietly creeping through the forest. They stopped when they heard an unusual warbling song, and Beth gasped softly. "I _know_ that bird call!"

" _Good_ ," Jo deadpanned in a whisper, "now if you're finished admiring nature, we've got a _soundboard_ to find." She started to walk off, but Beth tugged on her arm.

"No, you don't _understand_ ," she said, "that's the signal _Beardo_ taught me in case we ever needed to _find_ each other! I'm supposed to answer it with another call," she bit her lip, "but I can't remember how it _goes_..." She tried to whistle a few notes, but mostly just spluttered. Jo quickly got annoyed with her attempts and stood up from behind the bush they'd been behind.

"Hey Beardo!" she yelled. "If that's you, get your butt _out_ here!"

Sure enough, the hairy boy soon came into view. "Guess the signal worked, kinda..."

Jo rolled her eyes. "Yeah, whatever. Did you see any other deer before you got here?"

"Uh, no," Beardo told her, "not unless our team counts. But that was only at the start, I don't know where they are now."

The bossy blonde looked unimpressed. "Great, looks like we spent all that time looking for you for _nothing_." It was then that her eyes lit up, and a smile formed on her lips. "Actually, I just had an idea where to find some _deer_." Her allies gave her questioning looks, and she continued. "Look, we're probably gonna be out here for awhile, right? And since we had such a _crappy_ breakfast, sooner or later somebody's gonna get hungry."

"So we go where there's food!" Beth finished excitedly before donning a puzzled expression. "But _where_?"

"The only place on the island with halfway decent food – the dining hall." Beth and Beardo's eyes went wide.

xxx

"No _way_ is anyone crazy enough to try and take food from Chef's kitchen," Beardo confessed. "But Jo's too full of herself to listen to me or Beth, so I guess we gotta do _another_ of her bad plans." He sighed, and frowned. "Man, I have just about had it with her an' her _alliance_."

xxx

"Oh yeah," Topher grinned at the camera as the scene moved to him running through the woods, "I make this look _good_. Those Bass won't know what hit 'em!" He struck a few poses with his gun, rolling forward a few feet and darting behind a tree. "Because, of course, only _I_ have the Chris-like _killer instincts_ that tell me the best ways to _bring out_ the _drama_!" He rolled forward again and took a few quick shots, the viewpoint switching to behind the boy, and showing his target stuffing her face in front of a bush.

"Looks like you missed me, _fake-fan_!" Sierra taunted hatefully, mouth covered in blueberry juice. She blew him a raspberry, and ran off giggling. Topher pursed his lips, flared his nostrils, and gave chase.

/

The scene cut back to Jo, Beth, and Beardo near the main part of camp. As they hid behind the corner of the dining hall, Chef emerged from the building wearing swim trunks and an inner tube. Whistling happily, he made his way past the three campers and across the common area.

Once he was gone, Jo stepped out of hiding. "Well then," she smiled, "if _he's_ gone I might as well get something to eat myself!" She turned to her wary allies. "You two let me know if Chef or one of the Bass comes around, _got it_?" The two nodded.

/

Cutting back to Topher, the camera zoomed out from his close-up to show him walking through a different part of the forest – and more importantly, Sierra was stalking behind him. "Oh _Sierra_ ," he called, "come out, come out, wherever you are! You can't hide forever, you delusional _stalker_!" He heard a twig snap behind him and turned around, narrowly missing Sierra again. The two resumed their chase.

/

Back at the dining hall, Beth and Beardo had hidden in a nearby bush. While the large boy kept a lookout the small girl noticed something on the ground and picked it up. "Hey, look what I found!" Beth said, showing her friend the wooden idol from Boney Island.

xxx

"Yeah," Chris chuckled in the private outhouse, "I had an intern move the statue thingy somewhere the kids could find it more _easily_. What can I say? Curses are good for ratings!"

xxx

"Cool," Beardo said in admiration. He was broken out of his smile by the distinct sound of whistling, and a camera change revealed Chef on his way back. Beardo quickly made his warning bird call, and the scene switched to the interior of the dining hall.

"Huh?" Jo grunted, turning her head as she took a bag of chips from a cupboard. She walked out into the main room, brow furrowed as she focused on listening. "Wait, isn't that...?" She had missed the silhouette at the front door, which slammed open to reveal Chef Hatchet. The large man took one look at Jo and became furious.

"You did _not_ just steal food from _my_ kitchen!" he barked, charging at the teenage girl who quickly ducked aside and ran out the door. The camera switched outside, and the girl's concerned allies were shown watching Jo run by, then fearfully joining in her escape.

/

Another clip of Topher and Sierra's cat-and-mouse game was shown, the handsome young man chasing the tall young woman across a stream. "Haha, you _so_ aren't in shape like _Chris_ is!" Sierra mocked. "Honestly, I don't even know why you _try_ , you'll _never_ compare to him you know!"

"Oh, I will!" Topher shot back with words and paint. "Too bad _you'll_ never be anything more than a creepy _freak_ in _his_ eyes!"

/

The scene cut back to the trio of Gophers once again, showing them catching their breath in the woods. "I think we finally lost him," Jo muttered, looking around warily. "Probably can't go back there for awhile, but at least I managed to steal something before anyone else could."

"Hey, can I have a few?" Beth asked. "I'm kinda hungry myself."

Jo clutched the bag to her chest. "Get your own!" she barked. "I risked my _life_ getting these, all thanks to _you two_ not letting me know Chef was coming!"

"Sorry...," Beth sighed, looking down. "But hey, at least I found this cool statue!" She smiled as she held up the idol.

The viewpoint shifted to a nearby bush, and pulled back to show Alejandro watching the group. His eyes narrowed as he saw the idol in Beth's hands. " _Interesting_...," he muttered just before the footage cut away from him.

"It's just a stupid _statue_ ," Jo said dismissively. "Now come on, we've wasted enough time, we still have _hunting_ to do."

As the Gopher alliance turned to leave, the camera cut to yet another viewpoint. A green gun was lowered to shoot, but an arm was put in front of it. The shot pulled back to show Sam shaking his head at Bridgette, bringing a finger to his lips, then motioning for her and B to follow him in the direction Jo's group had gone.

/

Back with the Chris fanatics, the incline of the landscape suggested that the pair were running uphill. "Stop fooling yourself!" Topher yelled at his target, continuously firing shots. "You know you can't escape me forever!"

" _Never_!" Sierra shouted back, but she came to a sudden halt. The shot zoomed out, revealing that she'd been cornered on top of the highest cliff on the island.

Topher lowered his paintball gun and smiled. " _Finally_ this sequence is _over_! I could _really_ use a shower right now." He pulled the trigger, but nothing came out. Sierra grinned evilly and charged the boy, bull rushing him aside and over the cliff. Topher managed to hang on to the very edge, groaning as he lost track of his rival.

/

"Why don't we just _shoot_ them?" Bridgette whispered as the scene cut back to the Bass hunters.

"Because," Sam whispered backed, "this is a _stealth_ mission, not a shooting frenzy!" At the girl's blank look, he elaborated. "Look, as long as we _follow_ them we can shoot Beardo at any time! But if we stay out of sight and wait long enough, they might meet up with another one of their _deer_."

"So basically," Bridgette said, "we're letting them _take_ us to the other deer?" The gamer nodded, and the surfer smiled. "Good plan."

"Thanks," Sam said. "To be honest, it's better this way. B and I aren't exactly _suited_ to running around the woods." The silent young man nodded to indicate his teammate had a point, and the three hunters resumed their stalk.

/

The camera changed focus to the opened bag of chips as Jo ate a handful of them. She stopped mid-chew, quickly holding up her gun and beckoning her allies to stop as well. Geoff was shown walking aimlessly through a nearby clearing, deer antlers strapped over his usual cowboy hat. Jo lined up the shot, but a rustling behind her caught the party-lover's attention, and he ran away.

"Darn it, I almost had him!" Jo shouted angrily, whirling around to look at the source of the disturbance.

It was DJ who bounded into view on all fours with a mouth full of leaves. He flinched when he saw Jo's angry face, and Beth and Beardo's annoyance. "Uh, sorry y'all. I interrupt somethin'?" the gentle giant said apologetically.

"Yes, you _moose_!" Jo exclaimed. "I had Geoff in my sights, and now I have to track him down again!" She groaned and thrust the bag of chips at Beth, then ran off after the blond Bass.

DJ rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, and along with his teammates followed the aggressive young woman. The camera zoomed in on a trail of chip crumbs dropping from a hole in the bag Beth was holding, then showed the Bass hunters emerge from the bushes and smile. The shot panned over, revealing Alejandro hiding nearby. He raised an eyebrow, then smiled.

/

The shot cut back to Topher, on his back and panting at the top of the cliff. "Okay," he told himself, " _maybe_ I underestimated her. But I've still _got_ this, no doubt about it. Just gotta," he sat up, "regroup, and double down on the _ruthlessness_!" He jumped to his feet, struck a pose for the camera, dusted himself off, then struck the same pose again.

Topher began to walk back down the cliff, and both he and the camera caught a glimpse of red hair in the trees. "Well what do we have _here_!" the boy grinned, quickly readying his gun and increasing his pace.

/

Once again, the focus shifted back to Jo. She was shown running through the woods for a few seconds, with DJ, Beardo, Beth, and a line of chip crumbs trailing her. Eventually the jock-ette came to a halt, threw her at to the ground, and growled.. "I lost him! This is all _your_ fault, Dumb Jock!"

"Maybe...," Beth panted, "he's still nearby?"

"No, I would've seen him by now," Jo corrected as she backtracked past her teammates. "I think I know where he got away, though, and...," she stopped when she noticed the line of crumbs that had marked their path. "What the heck is _this_?"

"Huh," Beth said, looking between the trail and the bag she held. "Looks like there's a _hol_ _e_ _!_ " She stuck a finger through to prove it.

Jo groaned. "Well that's just _great_! Now whoever's out there can _find_ us!"

"Well it's not like I _meant_ to leave a trail!" Beth defended herself.

"As if that _matters_ ," Jo countered. "Give me those, I'll finish 'em off so at least the trail will end _here_." She swiped the bag away from her ally and began to stuff the remaining chips into her mouth.

"Uh, maybe I should _go_ ," DJ offered.

"Me too," Beardo added. "I don't wanna risk gettin' _shot_ because of some chips." A sudden rustling of the bushes got the four's attention, and Beardo produced a few dramatic and shocking notes as he brought his hands to his mouth in fear.

The background music also became tense, but changed into a certain Latin riff as Alejandro revealed himself to the group. "Amigos!" he exclaimed with a look of concern. "I am glad I am not too late!"

/

The footage cut back over to Topher, showing him stalking through the forest. "Losing to Sierra is one thing," he told the camera, "she's basically the _foil_ to my shining star. She has to win _some_ time or it wouldn't be as dramatic! But Scarlett?" He paused, gave an exaggerated shrug, and flashed a smile. "Poor girl just isn't in my _league_! I mean, have you _seen_ her? She's not even _clos_ e to _this_ handsome hunter!” As he got into his groove, he paid less and less attention to where he was walking.

The camera zoomed in on partially-hidden snare trap, which Topher promptly stepped into. He screamed as he was sent flying upwards legs-first, and dropped his paintball gun as well; Scarlett, a smug smile on her face, promptly stepped into view and picked up the gun herself.

"Not the face!" Topher cried, putting his hands in front of his head. He was shot twice in the chest, then a third time in his favorite body part once his guard had been broken.

/

Sammy was the next person the footage focused on, trudging through the trees looking thoroughly lost. "Where _is_ everybody?" she murmured before tripping over an exposed root.

Groaning on her knees, she crawled forward a few paces and something caught her eye. "Is that...," she wondered aloud, getting back up and walking forward into a small clearing where a tree had fallen. "...Dawn?"

The camera focused on the petite girl, sitting on a tree stump and still wearing her deer accessories. She appeared to be meditating. "Hmm?" she said, opening her eyes and blinking. "Oh, hello Sammy! I take it you haven't had any luck with the challenge?"

"Well, _no_...," Sammy admitted, sheepishly rubbing her arm. "I saw Scarlett a little while back, but I guess she set up some traps because I got caught in a _net_ , and by the time I got out she was long gone."

Dawn clasped her hands together and peered deeply at her friend. "That's probably for the better," she said, continuing before the cheerleader had time to ask any questions. "Our team has been cursed with misfortune, so an ill fate would have befallen you if you had kept hunting for her."

Sammy gasped. " _C_ _ursed_ _?!_ But _h_ _ow_ _?_ Did somebody take something off of Boney Island?"

The mystic frowned. "I'm not certain. I didn't notice anything before the challenge, but I can't think of any other cause! Fortunately, we're far enough away from the source of the curse that nothing _too_ bad should happen to us." She looked off in the distance, and Sammy did the same.

"Huh," the hunter said, "how can you tell?"

Dawn met her eyes, then looked at her own hands. "Our auras, of course. Well, mostly yours, since I can't really _see_ most of mine. The curse is sort of... a dark _fringe_ around the edge, like _tendrils_ trying to pierce it. Oh, but they're very _small right now_ , so we should be safe from them."

"Oh, right." Sammy replied with a nod. "But, uh, what do we _do_ about the curse?"

The deer-girl sighed. "I won't know for certain until I get closer, but at the very least we _must_ get rid of its source."

/

The scene changed, showing the group of Jo, Beth, Beardo, and DJ giving Alejandro confused and wary looks.

"What do _you_ want, Alejan-deer?" Jo asked gruffly.

The tall boy's eyes twitched briefly, but he donned a smile. "Allow me to explain," he began, walking towards the smallest Gopher present. "Beth, may I see that wooden idol you have?"

"Okay," the bespectacled young woman said uncertainly, placing the statue in Alejandro's outstretched hand.

The charismatic young man examined the idol for a few moments, then sighed deeply. "It is as I feared. This is the same idol that Scott took from Boney Island, and no doubt the reason why the Killer Bass _lost_ the last challenge." All but Jo gasped, and Alejandro continued. "Beth, you _must_ get rid of this before _we_ get cursed as well!"

"Oh my gosh, what do I _d_ _o_ _?_ " Beth said, running about in a panic.

Jo rolled her eyes and tripped the girl. "We do _nothing_. As long as we win the challenge, then who _cares_ about some stupid _curse_?!"

The shot switched over to the trio of Bass hunters watching the conversation from the bushes and smiling. "Fire!" Sam cried with glee, and he, B, and Bridgette began peppering their five opponents with paint.

"Hey, this is kinda _fun_!" Bridgette laughed as the Gophers squirmed and tried to shield themselves in vain.

And then Chris' voice came in over the loudspeakers. “Attention, human wildlife _and_ hunters!" The Gophers looked up in dread, all five now sporting splotches of blue paint. "Please report back to camp! It's time to show your hides and tally up the scores!"

/

"Tsk, tsk, tsk," Chris said as the shot switched to a close-up of Topher's disappointed face. The camera zoomed out to show the young man with several orange splatters as the host paced back and forth. "Stealing from Chef. Eating chips in the woods. Getting caught in traps," Chris listed off in a serious tone. "Do you _know_ what I see here?" the camera panned up to show his face, then panned across the spotless but cautious Killer Bass – Scarlett still holding Topher's gun – past the host, and over the colorfully ashamed Screaming Gophers. "I see a _very_ _un_ disciplined group. I see a disgraceful mess. I see a _massive_ waste of paint product!"

As Chris continued, his face was given an extra-zoomed in close-up. "And, I have to say," the camera zoomed out and he began to grin, "that, was _awesome_!" He began to laugh. "When you guys got _ambushed_ like _sitting ducks_?" Chris told the Gophers. "Just _classic_! _Great_ TV guys."

B and Sam bumped fists.

" _Well_ ," Chris said after he'd taken a moment to calm down, "since six of the Gophers are dripping in paint," the camera panned over Topher, Jo, Beth, Beardo, DJ, and Alejandro, before returning to a furrowed-brow host, "and some of them aren't even _deer_ ," he turned to the other team and smiled, "I think we have our _winner_!"

Two-thirds of the Bass immediately began to cheer, only B and Scarlett refraining as per usual. "You're off to a hunting camp _shindig_!" Chris told them as they celebrated. "Gophers!" he turned back to the losers, "I'll see you at the campfire ceremony!"

"Well, at least we know who to vote off!" Jo said immediately after the host walked away.

Beardo made a sharp and shrill whistle similar to Jo's own, which gained him the immediate attention of his teammates. "I'm sorry, but are you suggestin' we vote out Beth for something that isn't even her _fault_ _?_ " He asked the jock-ette. "What about our alliance?"

"The way I see it, _she_ caused us to lose," Jo said bluntly. "That counts as breaking the rules of the alliance, which means she's _out_ , and no _way_ am I letting her curse mess us up again!" She and Beardo glared at each other.

xxx

"Y'know, I almost can't _believe_ Jo," Beardo confessed angrily. "But really, what did I expect? She _never_ saw us as anything more than a ticket to the final three. I can only hope that the others realize that _she_ was the reason why Beth got that cursed statue in the first place!"

xxx

"Of course, I _could_ have kept the origins of Beth's statue a secret and warned the others about the ambush," Alejandro explained in his turn at the outhouse, "but if it really _was_ cursed, then we would have lost anyway!" He smiled devilishly. "And now that Jo's alliance is through, _Beardo_ is ripe for the picking."

xxx

/

The shot of the moonlit night sky over the campfire pit signaled the start of the elimination ceremony. One camper's voice could already be heard over the opening scene.

"See, _this_ is why I decided to hide in a tree," Shawn stated matter-of-factly. "You guys could have been _smart_ and hid too, but _instead_ you unleashed a _curse_ on us and then got _caught_." He shook his head in disappointment.

xxx

"Uggh," Beth groaned in her confessional, " _why_ did I think that having an alliance with someone as mean and bossy as Jo was a good idea? I am _so_ over her. I just hope _she_ gets kicked out tonight instead of _m_ _e_ _!_ "

xxx

Dawn's confession was next. "Unfortunately, a _lot_ of negative energy has been transferred to Beth, so even if we _return_ the idol to its rightful place the curse will _not_ be broken until she leaves the island," she said sadly.

xxx

"Jo's pretty messed up," DJ admitted in the outhouse, "but I gotta agree with Dawn on this one – we _gotta_ break that curse."

xxx

"There are only _eight_ marshmallows on this plate," Chris said as the ceremony resumed. "When I call your name, come up and claim your marshmallow. The camper-"

He was cut off by Jo. "Blah blah, whoever doesn't get one has to leave and can't come back, get _on_ with it!"

Chris shot her an annoyed glance. "Fine, whatever, spoil the moment." He picked the first marshmallow off the plate and tossed it across the campfire. "Shawn. Samey. Topher. Dawn. Alejandro. DJ. Beardo." One by one, each camper had a marshmallow thrown at them. Most made their catch, but Dawn's went high and DJ's hit him in the chest.

"Campers," Chris said, holding up the last bit of white as the music turned dramatic, "this is the final marshmallow tonight." Jo and Beth were shown glaring at each other in split-screen, then each looked at Chris with dread. The host eyed the final marshmallow, and uttered a single name. "Jo."

" _H_ _ah_ _!_ " the take-no-prisoners said, swiping her prize and pumping her fist. "I _knew_ you all weren't dumb enough to vote off your strongest player!" Her gloating her glares from the other Gophers.

"Beth!" Chris interrupted. "The Dock of Shame awaits!"

She stood and started to walk away with her head low, but was stopped by a hand on her shoulder. Beardo smiled at her, and as they made the trip together he made some of the sounds she'd liked most. They finally reached the end of the dock, and hugged.

"Give her one from me, okay?" Beth asked.

"I will." Beardo replied. She gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek, and boarded the Boat of Losers. As he waved her off, he put his hands to his lips and began to play 'Taps'.

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still satisfied with Beth's elimination, despite it being earlier and less epic than it was in canon. She played her part, and the effects of her boot will be felt all the same.
> 
> Just a note to new readers, please don't confuse the kiss at the end for confirmation of a ship. It's not like that.
> 
> And speaking of Beardo, it's strange to see him having come so far from his canon characterization already. What wonders a little time and attention can make.
> 
> Not much else to say. I cut the bear attack, or more accurately never had one to begin with, as I couldn't work it in to the episode's plot. The chips still mattered, but the bear had to take the week off.
> 
> Also, I still enjoy the Wile E. Coyote-esque nature of Topher's segments. Giving the solo hunt to him was a good call on past-me's part.
> 
> Anyway, let me know what you all think of the chapter, and I'll see you all next time!
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (21st Place)
> 
> Ezekiel - (20th Place)
> 
> Sugar - (19th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (18th Place)
> 
> Amy - (17th Place)
> 
> Scott - (16th Place)
> 
> Beth - (15th Place)


	10. If You Can't Take the Heat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want a reminder, the teams are as follows:
> 
> Killer Bass \- B, Bridgette, Ezekiel, Geoff, Sam, Scarlett, Scott, Sierra
> 
> Screaming Gophers – Alejandro, Beardo, Dawn, DJ, Jo, Sammy, Shawn, Topher
> 
> \- Fangren

"Last time, on Total Drama Island!" Following the stock shot of the host, the highlight footage opened with the two teams lined up as the previous challenge was explained. "Our competitors became hunters," B, Sam, and Bridgette were shown with their equipment, followed by the Gopher deer as they split up, " _and_ the hunted!"

"Topher's game was off when Sierra gave him the slip," the tall girl's repeated escapes from her rival were shown, as was the handsome boy being strung up in a tree and shot with his own gun, "and Scarlett gave him a _snare trap_."

Clips of the trip to the dining hall were shown next, focusing on Beth picking up the statue and then three Gophers running from Chef. "Beth got her hands on the statue of Boney Island when Jo made her act as a look-out, cursing her team. It wasn't long before the Gophers found each other," the trio's encounters with DJ and Alejandro were replayed, as well as shot of chip crumbs trailing from the pilfered bag, "and then an _ambush_." The Bass hunters were shown tracking their prey, and shooting all five repeatedly.

"Jo showed us just how much she valued her ally Beth by getting the _others_ to vote her off," the elimination was shown along with Jo arguing with the other members of her alliance, "ticking off her _other_ ally, Beardo, in the process. With the teams at six to eight in their favor," the recap finished with a shot of the remaining Gophers at the campfire before switching to Chris, “the Gophers are _still_ going strong. Will they manage to stay out of the fire? Or will the _Bass_ manage to finally get ahead? Find out tonight, on Total! Drama! _Island_!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode began by fading in to a picturesque scene of the sun gleaming off top of a waterfall amidst the conifers of Wawanakwa. It then cut to a shot of the camp from eye-level at the end of the dock, the camera flying up and forward to the cabin of the Killer Bass. A yawn preceded a cut to Bridgette as she woke up and stretched her arms. The blonde blinked drowsily a couple of times, then her eyes popped open. "Uhh...," she began, "Sierra, what are you _doin_ _g_ _?_ "

The viewpoint rotated to show the surfer sitting up in a lower bunk on the left, with the background music becoming energetic and creepy. Sierra was sitting cross-legged on the covers of the lower bed to the right, with a pizza box open on her lap and holding something brown and slightly shiny pressed to her knee. She looked back at her roommate and said matter-of-factly, "I'm sending my mom an e-mail, _du_ _h_ _!_ " She began to 'type' on the pizza box, freeing the cockroach she'd been using as a mouse to scurry away.

Bridgette cringed. " _Right_..." With a look of desperation she turned to look at the other side of the room, and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Scarlett, wide awake and taking notes from her top bunk.

"She appears to be suffering from technology withdrawal," Scarlett explained at Bridgette's pleading look. "Although the onset is considerably later than the form Sam suffers from each time Chris confiscates one of his portable gaming consoles, I'm currently uncertain as to the reasons behind the discrepancy."

"It's because Dakota stopped letting me use her phone," Sierra answered suddenly without taking her eyes off her fake laptop, "ever since she found out I was secretly using it. Now where'd that _mouse_ go?" She furrowed her brow, and leaned over to check under her bed. Bridgette shuddered.

/

The footage flashed ahead, showing the silhouette of an eagle against the morning sun before panning down to show the fourteen campers assembled on the beach with Chris. "Today's challenge will test your _mind_ ," the host began with a tap on his head, "your _teamwork_ , and your _skills_ in the _kitchen_! You'll be cooking a three-course meal, and serving it to _me_ , for _tasting_. The winners get a _reward_ , the _losers_ will send somebody _home_."

The camera cut to a close-up of the Bass boys and Bridgette as they listened. "Each team will appoint a _Head Chef_ ," Geoff and Sam shot hesitant looks at each other, "to create the theme of the meal, _and_ to oversee the cooking."

The smiling host was shown again "To _cook_ , you need _ingredients_! Every morning," the scene cut over to a few bubbles at the edge of the lake as a small delivery truck backed up out of it and on to the beach, "a truck brings us food. Today's tasks start there." The cabin of the truck was zoomed in on, and a uniformed dolphin popped its head out of the window and saluted the camera cheerfully.

/

The doors to the truck trailer were seen being opened by Geoff and Sam from the inside, the light revealing a variety of hanging meats and crates of fruit and eggs. The two guys' faces lit up, and Geoff was focused on by the camera. "We could do a killer _Italian_ theme!" he declared.

"Sounds good to me," Bridgette said as she peeked into the trailer.

"I guess that makes you Head Chef!" Sam agreed with a chuckle.

"Awesome, dudes!" Geoff told them. "Then let's get grabbin'!"

As the party boy stepped in up to the trailer, the Gophers were seen making their own approach. "I'll take the role of Head Chef, if nobody objects." Alejandro told his team.

"Well _I_ object," Jo said immediately, "so just step aside and let me see what I have to work with."

She took a step past her rival, but he pulled her back. "Actually, I _must_ insist. I am quite the skilled chef!"

"Oh yeah?" the athlete scoffed. "Well _so_ am _I_!"

"Then let's take a vote, shall we?" Alejandro suggested. "Those in favor of Jo being Head Chef, raise your hands." To her dismay, only Jo herself raised a hand. "And those in favor of _myself_ as Head Chef?" His hand was accompanied by those of Topher and Beardo.

"Hey, what about the alliance?!" Jo shouted at the hairy boy, who merely made the sound of a loud buzzer and walked past her. "Fine, be that way!" the jock-ette spat, crossing her arms and turning her back on her team.

"Sweet!" Geoff said as he led his team past the Gophers, all six members with an armful of ingredients. "Let's hit the road!"

"Now that that has been settled," Alejandro said once the competition had passed, "I think we should go with a _French_ theme. I've already got the dishes in mind, so here is what we'll need..."

/

The footage immediately skipped ahead to the Bass entering the kitchen with their food. "Okay," Geoff said, tossing a can into the air as he brought up the rear, "we got like three courses, and five people. How we gonna split this up?" He tossed the can to Scarlett, who caught it and placed it on their counter top.

"I'm pretty good with pasta," Sam volunteered first.

"Me too!" Bridgette added, and the two high-fived.

"Given his creative skills, B should be sufficient to prepare the antipasto," Scarlett offered. "Similarly, Sierra and I will make the dessert."

B gave her a thumbs-up, while Sierra looked thoughtful. "Maybe I should look up a recipe online?"

Scarlett and Bridgette shared a look. "No, that won't be necessary," Scarlett told the girl.

Geoff grinned. "Okay, looks like we're good to go!"

xxx

"The sole reason I volunteered to work cooperatively with Sierra for this challenge," Scarlett confessed, "was because she needs to be carefully observed. Unfortunately, I am the only one qualified to do so. Bridgette is aware of the problem but lacks the knowledge necessary to mitigate it, and is too easily distracted by Geoff. B is the only person on the island with intelligence close to my own, but is unaware of Sierra's technology withdrawal. And finally, Sam and Geoff are significantly inadequate in _all_ relevant areas."

She sighed deeply. "Once again, I find myself the most important member of the team. Fortunately, they are at least able to work cooperatively without significant issue."

xxx

Sierra was shown staring blankly at the workspace in front of her; sitting prominently on top of was piece of paper with blurred writing on it. "Is there an issue with the instructions I gave you?" Scarlett asked dryly. "Do you understand each step, or is further explanation necessary?"

"No," Sierra answered, "I get it, but I just think we should make it more _special_ , y'know? Make it more specific to _Chris_ , so he'll like it more."

"That...," the redhead paused, searching for words, "is a hypothetically _sound_ idea, but we shouldn't risk going off-theme. Secondarily, evidence from your previous attempts to impress Chris McClean has suggested a net _opposite_ effect, so I'm skeptical your efforts would provide the desired results."

"But-" Sierra started, getting silenced immediately.

"No buts, please," Scarlett said. "If you have a suggestion, write it down in detail and I will consider it when I have the time." Sierra frowned, and began to look over her written instructions.

/

Traditional french accordion music began in the background as the focus shifted over to the Gophers. "Gentlemen," Alejandro said to Beardo and Topher as they entered the kitchen bearing a sack of onions and a box including a baguette and other unidentifiable ingredients, "you shall be in charge of the appetizer: french onion soup."

"You got it!" Topher grinned, setting his box on the counter. Beardo merely gave a short ding to indicate he'd heard, and placed the onions down.

Dawn, DJ, and Sammy were the next to come into view, bearing a box of miscellaneous ingredients, a crate of oranges, and a whole duck on a tray respectively. "And you three, of course, shall be tasked with the main course: duck à l'orange. DJ, as you have the most culinary experience, I'll trust _you_ to take the lead for this."

The gentle giant shrugged as he and his friends took their stations. "Haven't really made duck before, but I won't let you down!"

"I'm certain you won't, my friend," Alejandro smiled, turning his attention to the last members of his team. "And last, but certainly not least, Shawn and Jo shall be making our dessert: mille-feuille. I trust you two can handle it?"

"Napoleon slice?" Shawn asked, setting his box of ingredients on the counter with Jo just behind him. "Yeah, I can do that. I worked in a bakery for awhile, cake decorating is a pretty useful skill."

Jo rolled her eyes, and Alejandro smiled. "Good to hear it!"

/

The accordion music faded as the camera cut over to Sierra and Scarlett, working with a mixing bowl and a wad of dough respectively. The taller girl tasted a spoonful of whatever creamy substance she'd been working on and frowned. "It needs a little _more_...," she muttered, earning a questioning look from Scarlett. "I'll be back in a sec!" Sierra said, leaving before her partner could stop her.

The scene panned over to Alejandro, who watched the girl depart with interest. "I just thought of something we could add," he told his team, "I'll just be a moment. DJ, you're in charge while I'm gone."

"Hey," Jo protested, "why does _he_ get to be in charge?"

"Because _I_ am the Head Chef," Alejandro told her plainly, "and so it is up to _my_ discretion to determine chain of command. I will be back shortly." As he turned and left, Jo leveled a glare at DJ, who smiled sheepishly.

/

Geoff was shown stirring a tall and steaming pot on the stove, taking a sip and smiling. In the background, Sam and Bridgette were shown chopping tomatoes, and the camera focused on the surfer as she watched the party boy. He left the stove and started to whistle, walking behind Sam and Bridgette. The gamer's eyes went from the girl to the boy, and he smiled. "Hey, I'm gonna go get some more tomatoes, and maybe a sausage or too for some killer meatballs. Geoff, mind taking over for a bit?"

"No prob, man!" Geoff said, turning around and tipping his hat.

"Cool!" Sam grinned, taking his leave and allowing the party-lover to get close to his fellow blonde.

As Geoff began to chop, he met Bridgette's eyes and they both smiled. "Y'know, you look really _good_ when you're cookin' dinner," he told her. She looked down shyly, and he continued with confidence. "Kinda like my friend Evan's _really_ hot mom!"

The smile immediately slid off Bridgette's face. " _Excuse_ me?" she asked him. "What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Uhh...," Geoff said, starting to sweat," just that you'd make a really good mom some day!" He smiled at her, but Bridgette didn't look impressed.

/

The next cut showed Sierra rooting around the back of the truck, tossing a few small cans and boxes over her shoulder. "Oh!" a voice said suddenly, causing the young woman to raise her head and look behind her. "I apologize, I didn't realize you were in here," Alejandro said with a smile.

"What do _you_ want?" Sierra asked with a frown as the young man stepped into the trailer.

"I merely came out here to fetch a few more _ingredients_ for my team, like you I assume," he explained. The two spent a few seconds searching in silence before Alejandro began speaking again. "Although I will admit, it _would_ be a blessing to have someone like _you_ on my team," he said with his best smile.

Sierra blushed briefly, but shook it off. "Okay, if you're trying to _flirt_ with me," she snorted, "it's not gonna work. You _really_ aren't my type." She closed her eyes and turned her back towards the boy, ponytail knocking over a few cans as she spun.

Alejandro immediately became defensive, eyes becoming wide and hands waving in front of him. "Oh no no, you misunderstand! I did not mean my remark like _that_. Of course you're not interested, as _anyone_ can see. I merely meant that, with your unparalleled knowledge of _Chris_ , our team's victory would be _guaranteed_!"

Sierra huffed. "Yeah, well, tell that to _Scarlett_ ," she muttered.

"Clearly," Alejandro said, "she does not _appreciate_ what you are capable of. I probably shouldn't be telling you this," he leaned in conspiratorially, "but even _Topher_ fears that Chris prefers you to him. It is obvious that only _you_ know what Chris _truly_ likes, and that Scarlett is _jealous_ of your knowledge. I mean," he told her, every word causing her frown to deepen, "a brainiac like such as her must not be able to stand _anyone_ knowing more than she does!"

"You know what," Sierra said, "you're _right_! Who _cares_ what that jealous _Scarlett_ thinks, I'm gonna do what I _have_ to to please our host!"

"Yes," Alejandro grinned devilishly behind her back, "you do that."

/

"Hey, don't go so fast with that," Shawn told his current partner as she grumpily worked the pastry dough, "you need to give it enough time between folds!"

"Uggh, why does this stupid thing take so long to _mak_ _e_ _!_ " Jo groaned. "What difference does it make how long it sits there like a _lump?_ "

"Because," Shawn explained, "if you don't make the puff pastry right, then it doesn't have the same taste and texture, which throws the whole thing off! And at _that_ point, we might as well have spent all this time doing _nothin_ _g_ _!_ "

" _Fine_ ," Jo said forcefully. She let go of the pastry and crossed her arms. "Stupid _French_ and their namby-pamby _baked goods_..."

It was then that Alejandro returned, with Sierra at his tail. "So how are things going?" he asked DJ as the gentle giant peeked into the oven.

"Just about to put the duck in," DJ replied as he closed the oven and turned his full attention to the Head Chef, "and I think Beardo and Topher are just about done with the onions. You get what you were lookin' for?"

"Unfortunately not," Alejandro said with a tinge of regret. "It seems they did not have the spice I desired, so we shall have to do without."

"No problem man," DJ said, putting a hand on his teammate's shoulder, "we got this."

The camera showed Chris poking his head over the small swinging door on one side of the kitchen. "Smells good already!" he smiled after taking a deep breath through his nose. "Just three hours left, though, so keep working!"

/

The music became tense as a beehive was shown hanging in the eaves of one of the cabins. The camera panned down, revealing Sam carrying a crate of tomatoes and sausage and eyeing the hive warily. "Hmm... take the _quick_ route and risk the _bees_ , or the _long_ route and risk not having as much time to _prepare_ ," he said to himself. He looked down and saw that a number of glass bottles were laying on the path, and raised an eyebrow. "Weird, I could've _sworn_ those weren't here when I came through last time."

A groan off-camera got his attention, and he looked over to see Dakota standing with a few rakes. She was balanced on one foot, rubbing the other one and looking annoyed at a stone in front of her. "Stupid rock..." She looked up and noticed her former teammate. "Oh, hey! I didn't see you there!"

"Hey Dakota," Sam greeted with a brief smile. "Uh, did you put all that stuff under the beehive?"

"Yeah, Chris wants somebody to get _stung_ or something," the heiress-turned-intern explained, "So I've been stuck carrying this junk around all _day_." She threw the rakes down in front of her, only one of them landing tines-up.

Absentmindedly, Sam walked towards his crush. With the crate of food blocking his view of the ground, he didn't notice a bottle in his way before he stumbled over it. He managed to keep his balance, only to step on the one dangerous rake. He yelled in pain, which aggravated the bees above him. Dakota was cut to, wincing as the gamer was repeatedly stung off-screen.

"Oh, wow...," she said. "I feel _weird_ , almost like I want to... _apologiz_ _e_ _?_ Is that the word?" Sam stumbled back into the shot, covered in stings but still holding his crate. "Umm... _sorr_ _y_ _?_ " Dakota offered hesitantly.

"Don't...," Sam heaved, "don't worry... about it..." He slowly plodded away.

/

The camera panned over the Bass and Gophers working to show Sam stumble through the kitchen door and collapse. "Whoa, dude, are you alright?" Geoff said, rushing over to his friend.

"Yeah...," the gamer panted, "just a few stings. But I got the stuff I wanted!" He held up the crate, and Geoff took it from him.

"Good goin', man," the fun-lover told him, "but we _gotta_ get those stings checked out!"

"As long as he doesn't have an allergic reaction," Scarlett said as she walked over, "he'll be fine. For now, focus on removing the stingers as quickly as possible by any means necessary, and then apply a cold compress to as much of the affected area as you can in order to reduce pain and swelling."

"On it!" Sam said woozily, getting to his feet. "Just give me somewhere I can sit down..."

"Right this way, buddy," Geoff said, helping the gamer to the bass' side of the kitchen, "and don't worry, I'll make sure the pasta gets finished."

"Thanks, man," Sam told him.

Scarlett walked back over to where Sierra was working, and noticed her looking closely at a number of small jars. "What are those?" the brainiac asked..

The stalker's eyes went wide, and she quickly hid the jars behind her back. "Nothing!" she said with a grin. Scarlett raised an eyebrow.

/

The shot cut to an eye-level view from the beach, the camera flying in and around to focus on the dining hall. Another cut to the kitchen showed Beardo and Topher grating cheese. "That looks about good," Topher said, "time to check on the soup!" He dashed off-camera and reappeared in the foreground, smelling the steam coming off a medium-sized pot as Beardo watched with a bored look.

"Why are you wasting time with _cheese_ when you're making an _onion_ soup?" Jo asked as she walked by.

"Because you put the _cheese_ on top of the _bread_ ," Beardo told her without making eye contact, "and you put the _bread_ on top of the _soup_ , just like Alejandro _said_."

Jo crossed her arms. "Well, good. Looks like you can follow directions after all!"

Beardo finally turned to look at her. "Is there a reason you're _here_ and not helpin' Shawn with the dessert?"

"Yeah, the Baking Hermit messed up the frosting, so now _I_ have to go get more from the truck!" Jo answered.

"Well then," Beardo told her as he turned back to his own task, "you'd better get on that."

The dirty blonde snorted. "Yeah, I will."

xxx

"Beardo better watch that _attitude_ ," Jo complained in the confessional, "because without _me_ to take him to the top, he's gonna need allies, and _fast_! He's just lucky he hasn't cost us a _challenge_ yet."

xxx

"For the record," Shawn said as he approached his hairy teammate with a bowl being stirred in his hands, " _Jo_ was the one who messed up the frosting, not me. It's like she doesn't even understand the _subtlety_ involved! I mean," he ranted, "you don't just _squirt wildly_ and expect to get good coverage! You've gotta use _finesse_ , make sure it turns out _exactly_ how you want it to." Beardo's raised eyebrow went unnoticed as Shawn finished in a matter-of-fact tone. "That way, when the hordes of undead show up at your door, you can be _sure_ you'll be able to hide from 'em!"

"Well, I don't know about that _last_ part," Topher chimed in as he came back to his work station, "but I _will_ agree that _Jo_ needs to _go_. She's bad for our image _and_ our morale! I mean, just _looking_ at her makes _me_ depressed. How about the three of us work together to get her voted out?"

"Uh, if you're looking to form an alliance," Shawn said, "then count me out. I'm not interested in having _obligations_ to other people. One minute you're asking me to vote for someone, the next you're expecting me to save you from a pack of ravenous brain-eaters. No thanks!"

Beardo and Topher shared a look as Shawn walked away.

/

The music became deep and tense as Sierra became the focus of the scene. Scarlett had just taken a sheet of finished pastry shells out of the oven while Sierra finished stirring the custard. "I need to use the restroom for a moment," the redhead informed her partner, "please don't begin until I return."

Sierra nodded vigorously, and watched her leave. A grin formed on her face, and she took a small plastic jar out of her pocket. The camera zoomed in on it, showing an image of a chili pepper on its side. "Chris _loves_ spicy food," Sierra could be heard whispering as the camera zoomed back out to show her looking around at her teammates. B was pondering over his plate of antipasto; Sam was in a chair holding a bag of ice to his multiple stings; Bridgette was checking the pasta; and Geoff was making sandwiches.

Sierra grinned again, unscrewed the lid of the jar, and sprinkled pepper flakes into her custard.

"Hey guys!" Geoff announced suddenly, forcing Sierra to hide her secret ingredient. "I made us some sandwiches so we can chow down while we work!"

"Cool, I'm _starvin_ _g_ _!_ Who knew getting attacked by angry bees could be so _exhausting_ _?_ " Sam chuckled as he, B, and Bridgette happily approached their Head Chef. With them distracted, Sierra quickly dashed over to the dish of meaty pasta sauce that was to be used and sprinkled pepper in it. Nodding happily, she shoved the jar back into her pocket, snatched a sandwich from Geoff's plate, and went back to stirring the custard.

/

"Okay, the bees were supposed be somewhere around _here_...," Jo muttered to herself as she jogged across the common area. She spotted the various hazards on the ground and pursed her lips, easily jumping over all of them. "Ha! It'll take more than that to take _me_ down!" she shouted cockily. As soon as she left the screen, a swarm of bees flew out of the hive and chased after her.

/

Aside from Shawn, the Gophers were shown putting the last few touches on their respective meals when Jo barged through the door. She quickly slammed it shut and braced herself against it, eyes wide. "Bees," she told her team upon receiving several inquisitive looks. "But I managed to outrun 'em. Probably a good idea to stay _inside_ right now."

"Did you get the frosting?" Shawn asked. Jo frowned and tossed the small can at him; he caught it and raised an eyebrow. "Not exactly what I was _hoping_ for, but I'll make it work. Maybe I can try thinning it out a bit...," he said, tapping his chin as he walked back to the unfinished mille-feuille.

"So, anything _else_ I need to do myself?" Jo asked of Alejandro as the tall young man walked up to her.

"Not so much," he told her. "The soup is finished and merely needs to be kept warm," Alejandro motioned to Beardo and Topher as they high-fived and shot smug looks at their teammate. "Likewise, the duck will be finished in minutes and merely needs the sauce and proper garnishment," he moved his hand over to the smiling trio who had been working on the main course, "and Shawn is _more_ than capable of decorating the dessert himself. I'm afraid there just isn't much left for you to do!"

Jo looked around the room, then smirked. "Good job! Looks like you managed to do well for yourselves without _me_ to hold your hands for once. You just better hope the food's actually _good_ or whoever messed up their part is going home tonight."

The other Gophers shot her annoyed looks.

/

The scene cut over to Bridgette and Geoff, standing in front of the pot of pasta on their team's stove. "Help me with this," the surfer girl asked the Head Chef, holding up a strainer and pointing at the sink. Geoff smiled at her, and together the two blondes lifted the pot and drained the noodles. As the steam faded away and the water passed through the strainer, the two Bass turned back to the bowl of sauce and meatballs.

"Man, Sam made a good call getting' this spicy Italian _sausage_ ," Geoff said as he sampled the sauce. "Adds a little _kick_ , y'know what I'm sayin'?" He paused a moment, then scratched the back of his head. "Oh yeah, you're a vegetarian. No sausage for you I guess."

Bridgette craned her head over the sauce and took a sniff. "No, but it definitely _smells_ good. I think we've got a good shot at winning this!"

"I know, right?" Geoff smiled. "I was beginnin' to think I was on a team of _losers_!" He laughed a bit, then caught Bridgette's annoyed look. "Uh, I just meant that, y'know, we weren't gonna win any of the challenges because of who was on our team."

Bridgette sighed, and shook her head.

xxx

"Geoff's _cute_ ," the surfer confessed, "but sometimes he really needs to _think_ before he says something." She sighed. "Well, nobody's perfect!"

xxx

"Man, Bridge is _perfect_ ," Geoff swooned in the outhouse. "She's, like, so _patient_ an' stuff. I just need to figure out how to _talk_ to her, y'know? I don't wanna keep messin' up like I've been doin', that's for sure."

xxx

The accordion music began again as a vase of roses was placed on a pale green tablecloth, the camera zooming out to show Alejandro as the one who had placed it. He and Geoff stood at opposite sides of the table at which Chris sat.

"You meal shall arrive in moments, _monsieur,_ " Alejandro told the smiling host.

Geoff leaned over and lit the candelabra on the table, and blew out the match. "Your meals comin' right up, dude! I mean, _sir_ _!_ " He bowed and backed away from the table.

/

A close-up of each of the Bass' three courses was shown. First the artfully arranged antipasto platter, then the platter of spaghetti and sausage meatballs, and finally the custard-filled pastries with a slightly unusual color. The six members of the team stood around it and smiled.

"Man, I'm gettin' hungry just _lookin'_ at it!" Geoff said. "We've got this in the _ba_ _g_ _!_ "

"Oh yeah," Sierra said confidently, "I just _know_ Chris will love it!"

The camera cut over to the Gopher's side of the kitchen, and the close-ups of their meal: the steaming bowl of soup with bread and cheese on top, the roast duck covered in orange sauce, and the mille-feuille with a vague picture drawn on the top in chocolate.

"Alright," Jo announced, "I'll watch the food so the rest of you get out there."

"I doubt it will be necessary," Alejandro told her, "but be my guest. Well then amigos," he turned to the rest of the team, "to our victory!" Smiling, he led them out of view.

As soon as they had left, Jo swiped a bit of orange sauce off the duck with a single finger. She stuck it in her mouth, and looked impressed, muttering "Not bad."

/

Chris was shown with the plate of antipasto in front of him, chewing and swallowing. He smiled and shot the Bass a thumbs up. "Your antipasto passed the test-o! Pass the pasta please!"

B was shown wiping the sweat from his brow, then Geoff placed the main course on the table and removed the antipasto. Chris took a fork full of noodles and shoved it into his mouth, chewing it a bit and slurping up the hanging end of the last bit of pasta. He signaled his approval and smiled at Sam and Bridgette at the side of the table. "Just a little bit spicy, just how I like it! I'll give it a 15!" The two Bass smiled, and the host faced the camera. "And _how_ will the Gophers respond?"

Alejandro was shown standing by the door to the kitchen flanked by Beardo and Topher, who held the empty bowl of soup. A drumroll was heard in the background music as the Gopher's Head Chef stepped aside to allow DJ to enter with the main course. The camera lingered over the duck: sliced, covered in sauce, and laying on a platter. The gentle giant paused long enough for Dawn and Sammy to scurry out behind him and quickly lay down the host's place setting. The blondes scampered off to the sides just as quickly as they had arrived, and DJ set the duck on the table.

Chris took a moment to take it all in. "This smells _fantastic_!" he said with a grin. He stabbed a piece of meat with his fork, and took a bite. DJ was shown biting his nails nervously as the host and judge chewed slowly, his assistants on either side also looking anxious. Finally, Chris swallowed and smiled. " _Easily_ one of the best ducks I've ever had. I'm giving it and the soup a combined score of 16, putting you _just_ ahead of the Bass!"

As their teammates cheered, Dawn, DJ, and Sammy shared a hug. They broke it abruptly a moment later, each one blushing.

"Well then," Chris announced, "time for dessert!"

The footage skipped forward to the host sniffing one of the Bass' pastries with the slightly reddish custard filling. He looked hesitant, but shrugged and took a bite. After a few chews his eyes began to water. "Why...," he coughed, "why the heck is it _spicy_?!"

" _Spic_ _y_ _?_ " Scarlett repeated, taking a taste from another pastry and recoiling at the taste. "Sierra!" she hissed at the girl standing nearby.

"But...," Sierra said in confusion, "but you _love_ spicy food!"

"Not _custa_ _rd_ _!_ " Chris angrily countered. "I mean _yeah_ , it was good with the _meatballs_ , but _th_ _is_ _?_ This just _sucks_." He took a moment to compose himself while Sierra began to tear up. "That said, it didn't kill me, so what the heck? 2 points for effort." As the failed pastry chef was forcibly lead away by her teammates, Chris turned to their competition. "Gophers! Better hope _your_ team didn't mess this one up!"

Shawn brought over the plate of mille-feuille and shot a cocky smirk across the room. Chris took one look at it and grinned. "Now _this_ is what I like to see!" The pastry was shown from the top, and Shawn's handiwork could be seen clearly: the image of the host himself grinned up from the top of the dessert. He eagerly took a bite, and made his decision. "Honestly, it could use a little work," Jo scowled, "but I like it! I'll give it 6 points, and with the scores at 21 to 17, the Gophers are the winners!"

The winners cheered, and the camera panned over the six disappointed Bass. " _This_ is why I told you to inform me of your ideas _before_ implementing them!" Scarlett scolded her taller teammate.

Sierra huffed and turned away. "Why do _you_ get to be the boss? _You're_ not Head Chef! Besides, it's not like _you_ know what Chris likes!"

"Although you are _technically_ correct," Scarlett conceded, "I still could have _prevented_ you from introducing _capsaicin_ to the _desse_ _rt_ _!_ "

"Whatever," the super-fan said, "you're just _jealous_ of that I knew something that you _didn't_." As Sierra walked away, Scarlett grit her teeth.

" _Okay_...," Chris said slowly, drawing the camera back to him. "Looks like the Bass are gonna be down yet _another_ member soon, with their _five_ to the Gophers' _eight_. And as promised, the winners will be enjoying a reward tonight." A drumline started up as Chris made his announcement. "A five-star dinner, under the stars."

The Gophers cheered again.

/

The three Bass boys were seen assembled on their cabin's porch. "Man, I can't believe Sierra messed with the food like that," Geoff said sadly. "I mean, I totally would've let her try it if she'd asked, but just doin' it behind our backs?" He rubbed the back of his head. "I don't know, man."

"Yeah, I know how you feel," Sam added. "I mean, I tried one of the leftover pastries and they weren't half bad, but it wasn't a risk we should've taken."

B nodded his own agreement.

"Guess she doesn't know as much about Chris as she thought?" Geoff said. "Bummer."

/

Inside the Bass cabin, Scarlett and Bridgette were having a discussion of their own. "I assume tonight's vote needs no explanation?" the redhead asked as she cleaned her glasses.

The surfer sighed. "No... it's just, I don't know, I feel _sorry_ for her, you know? I mean, she was only trying to _help_..."

Unnoticed by Bridgette, Scarlett rolled her eyes. "Her intent and lapse in judgment cost us the challenge," she explained, "and we can no longer afford to indulge her peculiarities. Or is there someone _else_ you believe to be a better candidate for elimination?"

Bridgette sighed again. "No..."

xxx

"So I made a _teensy-weensy_ little mistake," Sierra told the confessional's camera. "It's not like I'm the _only_ one. Alejandro was right, Scarlett _totally_ thinks she's smarter than everyone else, but she's _not_."

xxx

"Okay, yeah, I got a few hornet stings," Sam confessed, still noticeably swollen. "Could've done better today, but hey! Never thought I'd make it _this_ far!"

xxx

Bridgette was next to be shown in the outhouse, and she was visibly distraught. " _Why_ do we keep _losing_ _?!_ " she exclaimed, putting her head in her hands. "I thought for sure after _last_ time we were finally turning things around, but I guess that was too much to hope for." She sighed. "Maybe Geoff was right..."

Her eyes went wide, and she slapped herself. "No! Even if we _have_ lost a bunch of times, we are _not_ a team of losers!"

xxx

Geoff flicked his hat and looked around uncertainly. "Yeah, I dunno man, but I guess Sierra _did_ mess us up today..."

xxx

"I vote for Sierra," Scarlett said plainly.

xxx

B was the last person to be shown in the confessional. He looked at the camera and shrugged.

xxx

As the elimination ceremony began, Scarlett and Sierra were shown glaring at each other in the front row. Behind them, Sam's swelling had gone down but he still held an ice pack to his face.

"I've got _six_ Bass sitting in front of me tonight," Chris said with a smile as he approached the campers, "but only _five_ fluffy bits of sweet safety in my hands! So," he placed his plate down on an empty stump, "good luck! When I call your name, come up and get a marshmallow. Bridgette!" The surfer girl smiled and walked up to claim her prize.

"B!" The silent genius also walked over with confidence, popping the sweet into his mouth before returning to his seat.

"Geoff!" The party-lover was next, eagerly going up to the host. As he returned from off-camera he winked at Bridgette.

"Sam!" The penultimate player to be called breathed a sigh of relief and grabbed his marshmallow.

"Scarlett, Sierra!" Chris said as the pair were shown perking up. "It's down to you! Whoever doesn't get this last marshmallow must _immediately_ walk the Dock of Shame. and leave on the Boat of Losers! _Forev_ _er_ _!_ "

As the music picked up into it's usual level of ceremonial drama, Sierra was shown trembling with nerves while Scarlett looked confident and haughty.

"The final marshmallow goes to...," the host began as the camera lingered on the lone prize. As he drew out the pause, the two young women's eyes were shown in alternating close-ups as they eyed the marshmallow.

" _Scarlett_ ," Chris finally announced.

"Naturally," the redhead said as both girls realized who had been eliminated. "It was a logical and predictable conclusion of your failure to follow my directions."

Sierra sighed, and stood up.

"It was fun while it lasted," Geoff said as she left.

"That's it for tonight!" Chris told the Bass as Sierra walked past him, shuddering as she gave him a sudden but brief hug. "Uh, _yeah_ ," he said as she finally left the clearing, "I'll be honest, kinda glad you got rid of her. She was _really_ annoying me."

"At least she was someone on _our_ team," Sam commented. "Now the Gophers have got nearly _twice_ as many people!"

"Yeah, good luck with that!" Chris laughed, leaving the Bass to stew in their defeat.

/

A wolf was shown howling at the moon before the shot cut to the Gopher's cabin. The four boys were shown getting ready to sleep before the camera zoomed in on Alejandro and Topher, the latter looking mildly annoyed. "So, the Bass must _surely_ have eliminated Sierra tonight," Alejandro told his teammate. "I thought you would be _happier_ knowing she is finally gone?"

"Yeah, well," Topher said as he checked his reflection in the mirror, " _I_ wanted to be the one who eliminated her. I mean, after all the _drama_ between us, you'd think she'd at _least_ have stayed until the teams merge!" He sighed, and walked over to his bed. "This whole thing was just one big _disappointment_ ," he continued. He got under his covers, and the lights in the room went out.

Topher muttered one last sentence before the footage cut to static. "She was almost as bad a _rival_ as she was a _friend_..."

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so, I don't know anything about cooking, so this challenge was a bit tricky. I wanted Shawn to be able to show off the cake decorating thing, and with Alejandro as the obvious Head Chef my initial inclination was to go with some kind of Latin American theme, but that evidently didn't end up working for me. Thus, the French theme instead.
> 
> Other aborted ideas for the episode included Jo getting locked in the fridge, but I lacked any good way to make that come about, as well as Sierra's boot being due more to her creeping up the presentation rather than messing with the food itself. That was apparently not something I was able to flesh out more, thus I went with... well, with what I did.
> 
> As for Sierra herself, with no particular reason to be a main character of the season as she was in canon, is an easy pre-merge boot due to her general creepiness. But hey, those hints of more Topher-Sierra backstory aren't exactly for nothing...
> 
> Well, as always, let me know what you thought, and I'll see you all next time!
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (21st Place)
> 
> Ezekiel - (20th Place)
> 
> Sugar - (19th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (18th Place)
> 
> Amy - (17th Place)
> 
> Scott - (16th Place)
> 
> Beth - (15th Place)
> 
> Sierra - (14th Place)


	11. Who Can You Trust?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want a reminder, the teams are as follows:
> 
> Killer Bass \- B, Bridgette, Geoff, Sam, Scarlett
> 
> Screaming Gophers \- Alejandro, Beardo, Dawn, DJ, Jo, Sammy, Shawn, Topher
> 
> With all that said, I hope you enjoy the chapter!
> 
> \- Fangren

"Last time, on Total Drama Island!" The recap began with a shot of each team working in the kitchen. "Things _really_ got cooking between the campers! Scarlett and Jo both tried to throw their weight around despite not being the Head Chefs for the cook-off challenge," the scenes quickly transitioned into Scarlett narrowing her eyes at her partner and Jo arguing with her teammates, "Sam got _stung_ by some bees," clips of the gamer's incident while he retrieved additional ingredients was shown, "and Alejandro convinced Sierra to alter her team's meal behind their backs, giving the Gophers another victory." The pair's conversation in the food truck was shown, followed by Sierra adding pepper flakes to her team's dessert and Chris subsequently rejecting it.

"It was _finally_ time for Sierra to go," the host said over clips of Sierra's elimination, and his stalker giving him an awkward hug as she left for the Dock of Shame. "Will the Bass _ever_ be able to come back from behind? And how much longer before the _Gophers_ start trying to kill each other?" The previous episode's footage finally ended, and Chris gleefully finished his introduction. "Find out, this week! On Total! Drama! Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

A close-up of an empty meal tray opened the episode, and Chef's arm was shown dropping a scoop of a pale orange _something_ with the consistency of mashed potatoes onto it. "Today's breakfast," Chef announced as he stuck a straw into the pile, "is French-Italian fusion casserole!"

The camera pulled back to show Scarlett skeptically accepting the tray. "Made from the remnants of the previous challenge, of course," she said dryly.

"Yeah, that's right!" Chef shouted over a military drumline leitmotif. "You got a _problem_ with that?!"

Scarlett paused, peering at her breakfast and not meeting the cook's gaze. "It doesn't appear to have spoiled, so no." She walked away from the counter without looking at Chef, and the giant man could only sneer menacingly at her back.

She was shown sitting down with her four other teammates, and wordlessly began eating. "Man," Geoff said as he looked around the table at his team's low spirits, "you guys need to cheer up. It's like a _graveyard_ over here or somethin' right now."

"Unlike you," Scarlett told him, "the rest of us are unlikely to have a significant boost to morale until we begin to _win_ , and more importantly win _consistently_. If we continue to fail, we risk losing our chance at the prize money."

"Hey, I know losin' so much is a _bummer_ an' all," Geoff replied, "but at least we're havin' _fun_ , right?"

Scarlett just raised an eyebrow at him.

/

Over at the Gopher table, Jo was approaching with her breakfast. Just as she was about to sit down, a loud fart was heard and she blushed. The camera panned over to Beardo sitting nearby with his hands over his mouth; he began to whistle faux-nonchalantly while Alejandro and Topher laughed.

Jo clenched both teeth and fists, glaring at her former ally.

Further down the table, DJ gently placed Bunny on the table and began petting him. Dawn and Sammy soon joined in, and offered the rabbit bits of food.

Topher looked over at them and rolled his eyes. "I don't know why you _bother_ with that thing," he told them, "it's _timid_ and _weak_ , not at all suitable for a _harsh_ competition like Total Drama."

"Hey!" DJ protested, clutching his pet close to his body. "There's nothin' _wrong_ with Bunny! He's just a cute little rabbit!"

"That's the problem!" Topher replied. "It's _just_ a rabbit! The only way _it_ could cause any drama is if it ran away or got _eate_ _n_ _!_ "

The gentle giant gasped, as did his two companions. "How could you _say_ that?" DJ asked, beginning to tear up. He began to stroke the anxious Bunny, and whispered, "It's okay little guy, you're gonna be safe with me, I _promise_."

The handsome boy scoffed. "Oh _please_ , it's only a matter of time before something _happens_ to it," he began to smile blissfully, "and I just _know_ it'll make Chris laugh to watch it. It'll be _great_."

"I know you're only trying to follow in Chris' footsteps to get people to like and respect you," Dawn interrupted, "but it won't work. Chris McClean is a bitter, sadistic, and _lonely_ man who ends up driving away anybody who tries to get close to him."

Topher spluttered and flustered for a few seconds. "You take that back!"

/

A touching and emotional tune began as the scene changed to the forest, and Chris walked into view with a frown on his face. "Hi," he began sadly, "Chris here. Sometimes teams... just _don't_ get along! So the producers and I thought that the _best_ way to work through the group friction would be," his frown became a grin, "to exploit it for laughs!" He started to rub his hands together. "This is gonna be _awesom_ _e_ _!_ "

/

The two teams were shown lined up along the docks, team logos appearing in their respective corners. "So!" the host began. "Last week's challenge exposed a few _Gopher_ issues," Jo was shown glaring first at Alejandro, and then at Beardo, " _aaaand_ I'm sensing a little something _funky_ floating in the Bass pond too!" Scarlett crossed her arms and grimaced, glancing briefly at Geoff who didn't seem to notice.

" _So_ ," the host continued as each team was shown in their entirety, "this week's challenge is gonna be centered around _building trust_ , because," Chris grinned, "all good things _begin_ with a little _tru_ _st_ _!_ "

xxx

"Pfft," Jo scoffed in the confessional, "trust is for the _weak_."

xxx

"There will be _three_ major challenges that _have_ to be completed by two or more members of your team," Chris explained as the jock-ette rolled her eyes. " _Normally_ , we like to have the campers _choose_ their partners," he said with a hint of laughter, "but not _this_ time! More fun for me!"

/

The footage skipped ahead and the music became tense as the campers were shown assembled at the base of a cliff. "Okay!" the host began as the camera slowly panned upwards. "So for the first challenge, you'll be doing an extreme _freehand_ rock-climbing _adventure_! B and Sam will play for the Bass," Chris announced as the camera cut back to his close-up then switched to the Gophers, "Topher and Dawn for the Gophers."

"Oh my," the mystic said in a hushed tone.

"Here's your belay and harness!" Chris said, throwing the equipment with a smile. Dawn reached to catch them, but Topher stepped in front of her to take them first.

"Sorry Dawn," he told the blonde in a condescending tone, "but I'm not about to entrust _this_ beautiful face to _your_ little arms."

"You won't be holding her up _exactly_ ," Chris interjected. "One camper _pulls_ the slack through the belay as their partner climbs," he explained while Topher and Dawn glared at each other. "If their partner _falls_ the belay will stop them from crashing." He demonstrated by pulling the rope through the belay and throwing the slack to B, who was shown looking at it closely.

"The catch?" Chris continued. "Both the _side_ and the _base_ of of the mountain are rigged with a few _minor_ distractions _like_ ," each obstacle was shown in turn, "rusty nails, slippery oil slicks, mild explosives," several clusters of dynamite were already primed and ticking along one stretch of rock, " _aaaand_ a few other surprises."

"Sounds pretty cool," Sam said excitedly.

"The person on belay must _also_ harness their partner up," the host said as B shot a smirk and thumbs up to his partner while Topher and Dawn continued to glare at each other. "It's _all_ about _trust_ people, and, remember, _nev-er_ let _go_ of the _rope_! Your partner's life _depends_ on it!"

"Umm, I don't suppose you'd consider a swap?" Dawn asked the host hopefully.

"Oh please," Topher shot, "like _I'm_ gonna kill you!" For a moment, Dawn looked slightly relieved. "Of course, I can't guarantee what'll happen if you hit one of Chris' _devious_ traps! Now let's get you harnessed up!" The young woman pursed her lips and raised her arms.

"Huh, I can't think of a game I've played that's like this," Sam commented as B began to secure him. "Then again, climbing mechanics are usually pretty simple in video games anyway. Guess this'll be a new experience for me!" He took another look at the cliff and frowned. "Probably a _painful_ one. Got any tips?"

B scratched his chin, then shrugged. He worked on the harness a little more, then gave his partner a pat on the back.

The camera cut back to the Gophers. "Okay, that should be good!" Topher said as he stood up. "As safe and secure as I can make it!"

Dawn looked down and the camera focused on the oddly convoluted system of loops running through and around her harness. "That really isn't very comforting..."

xxx

Topher looked slightly uninterested to be in the confessional. "With Sierra gone, I'm in need of a new _foil_ , someone I can play off of in order to cause drama. First I was thinking _DJ_ , but after she insulted Chris I think _Dawn_ might work too." He rubbed his hands together in anticipation. "Of course, I'll see what I can get out of both of them for now, and oh do I have some _plans_!"

xxx

The music picked up as the footage cut back to a close-up of a patch of nails just as a slender hand grabbed on to a ledge between them. The viewpoint shifted to show Sam and Dawn slowly making their way up the cliff, the gamer in a slight lead.

"No, not there, too much negative energy," Dawn muttered as she carefully planned her next move and Sam's lead widened.

"Come on, Dawn," Topher called up in annoyance, "we don't have all day!" The two competitors were shown again as Sam pulled himself up. To his right, an explosion detonated just above Dawn, causing both teens to flinch. Moments later another explosion occurred in front of Sam, sending the large boy flying backwards. Dawn couldn't help but watch as the gamer screamed and fell.

The camera cut to B, who immediately pulled the rope and stopped his partner's fall. "Thanks man!" Sam called out, getting a thumbs up in response.

"I promised _surprises_!" Chris said, leaning into the shot and showing the camera large water gun. "Habañero pepper sauce, anyone?"

The nozzle of the gun was lowered, and a stream of red sauce was fired from it. "Gah! Not the _ha_ _ir_ _!_ " Topher cried, having been the first to be hit. "Or the _fac_ _e_ _!_ " he added, letting go of his rope and attempting to rub the spicy fluid out of his eyes. Dawn felt the slack in the rope and looked down worriedly.

"Muy caliente!" Chris said with a flashing smile. Another stream was shown heading for B, but the silent young man merely raised his large coat to shield himself from the sauce. He didn't once take his eyes off of Sam.

The camera quickly panned back to Chris, who put his hand on his sauce gun and frowned at the camera. "Don't we have anything _el_ _se_ _?_ " he asked in a whisper.

Continuing with the challenge, Sam was quickly catching up to his slow moving opponent. "Heh heh, this is _much_ easier now that I know where all the obstacles are!" the gamer chuckled. "Nails, nails, grease, nails, _explosion_ ," he listed off in sequence, getting around each in turn. "Sorry Dawn, but the combo train is leaving the station! Woo woo!" He cheered, and sped up.

Dawn groaned and looked hesitantly at the wall above her. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and sped up as well. For several moments the two were making good progress on their climb, but the camera cut briefly to a grinning host before showing Dawn put a hand down by a hidden cache of dynamite. It exploded, and Dawn fell.

"Topher, the rope!" She called out to her partner below her. The handsome boy, however, was paying more attention to the sauce in his hair than to his teammate. Without anyone holding on to the free end of the rope it slipped through Topher's harness, and Dawn hit the ground with a thud. As the camera looked down at her, she groaned and passed out.

Sam made it to the top of the cliff without further issues. "Looks like the Bass have won the first challenge!" Chris announced as the gamer smiled and caught his breath.

"Oh yeah!" he cheered, raising his arms. "New high score! Literally, huh huh."

/

A pair of lights came on in the Mess Hall, illuminating a podium standing between the two tables. A third spotlight came on in the center, and the opposing pairs rose into either side as if they were being raised mechanically: first Beardo and Jo for the Gophers, then Geoff and Bridgette for the Bass. The camera panned up from the blonde duo, catching an unnamed white male somersaulting through the air and landing behind the podium. Seconds after the landing Chris popped up from behind it, dusting off his shirt as though he had done the stunt himself. He crossed his arms and grinned cockily at the camera.

"And now round two!" he announced as the camera pulled back to show both pairs watching him. "The _Extreme_! _Cooking_! _Chal-lenge_!" As Chris mugged for the camera, the unnamed man crawled out in the background, heading into the kitchen as the four teens watched.

"Each team must choose who _cooks_ , and who _eats_ ," the host explained with a grin.

"I was Head Chef last time," Geoff offered, "you better cook." Bridgette nodded.

" _I'll_ be cooking," Jo said, "I'm not gonna risk you messing this up."

Beardo raised an eyebrow.

xxx

"Yeah, there's no _way_ this is gonna end well for me," the hairy boy confessed. "I doubt Chris is gonna give us somethin' _easy_." He sighed and imitated the classic tune of Chopin's 'Funeral March'.

xxx

"Today you'll be preparing fugu sashimi," Chris announced, "the traditional Japanese poisonous blowfish." Chef wheeled a cart into the scene, on top of which sat a tank with two trembling and wide-eyed blowfish inside.

A gong sounded, rattling Beardo and Jo before a short Japanese tune played in the background. A rough diagram of where to cut the fish was projected onto the wall next to the host, who picked up a pointer to assist in his explanation. "The fugu blowfish contains enough lethal toxin to kill thirty people," Chris said. Chef tapped the side of the tank with a fish scoop, causing the two blowfish to puff up.

"Fishies?" the hulking man said, picking up the fish by their tails, "meet your _make_ _r_ _!_ " He tossed them onto the cutting boards on the tables in front of Jo and Bridgette, who looked at them warily.

"They must be sliced _veeerrry_ carefully," Chris told them, "to cut around the poisonous _organs_." Jo poked the fish with a knife, and Bridgette looked anxious. "The poison paralyzes the nerves, _and_ ," Chris grinned darkly in a close-up, "there is no _antido_ _te_ _!_ " His tone became lighter as he finished, "So no worries!"

Beardo gulped, and Jo snorted. "Oh _please_ ," she said, "it's just a fish! How hard can it _be_?" She confidently jabbed the fish with her knife, causing it to rapidly deflate and fly around the room. Beardo and Jo followed it with their eyes as it shot into the kitchen and, as evidenced by the sounds, crashed into some pots and pans.

/

A stack of sashimi rolls on a plate was shown, and Bridgette placed a sprig of parsley on top. "Finished!" she said after she let out a breath and wiped her brow.

"Took you long enough!" Jo said from across the room, holding up a pile of pink mush. "I've been done for five minutes!"

Bridgette smiled and pushed the plate over to Geoff, who picked up a piece hesitantly. Chris and Chef were shown watching with anticipation as the party lover slowly put the piece of fish into his mouth, chewed it, and swallowed. He looked around, and grinned. "Excellence!" he said, giving his partner two thumbs up.

Chris and Chef looked over at the other team as Jo shoved her plate into Beardo's arms. "Eat up!" she said in a commanding tone.

The camera focused on the vague lump of fish on the plate, looking the complete opposite of the Bass' sashimi. Beardo stabbed a piece with is fork and held it up to his face, taking a whiff and sticking his tongue out in disgust. The shot switched repeatedly from Beardo's nervous visage, to the piece of fish, to Jo's scowl, and back again. Eventually, the hairy boy's face fell and he put his fork down. "I'm sorry. I just can't do it," he said.

Jo looked at him with disgust. "Oh come on," she told him, "it might _look_ crappy but it's not gonna _poison_ you! Here, let me prove it!" Before anyone could stop her she had picked up the fork and shoved the fish into her mouth. She quickly swallowed it, and for a moment she looked to be fine.

Then her stomach groaned, she wretched, clutched her stomach, and fell over. "I blame," she gurgled out, skin turning bluish "the diagram!"

She was shown lying on the floor twitching, vomit flowing out of her mouth. Beardo recoiled, and gave her a reluctant look of pity.

"It's cool," Chris told the teens as Geoff and Bridgette rushed over to see, "give her twenty-four hours and she'll be up walking and breathing good as new."

"Uh, is anybody gonna _help_ her?" Geoff asked in bewilderment. Jo was shown in the midst of another spasm, the Chef – dressed in a nurse's uniform – leaned in to give her mouth-to-mouth. She gurgled in horrified disgust as the scene faded to black.

/

The sun was shown high in the sky before the camera panned down and out. Bridgette and Geoff were running across the docks together, smiles on their faces.

"Last one in's a rotten blowfish!" Geoff said, taking the lead and flinging himself into the lake. Bridgette followed shortly, and the two surfaced near each other a few feet away.

"You were _so_ brave to eat that blowfish," Bridgette said as touching music played in the background.

"No biggie!" Geoff told her. "I knew I could trust you. You're cool."

"Oh yeah?" the surfer smiled playfully. "Know what else is cool? _Thi_ _s_ _!_ " she splashed him with water and swam off, laughing. Geoff laughed and gave chase.

/

Jo was shown lying on a bed next to some medical equipment, still clearly afflicted by the blowfish she'd eaten. A small puddle of vomit had already formed under her head, and she was making alarmed gurgling noises. Chef, in his nurse's uniform, smirked as he looked between her and a large needle filled with a purple liquid. "This won't hurt a bit," he told her with a tap of the needle, "it'll hurt a whole lot."

As Jo pitifully attempted to scream, the camera panned over to Dawn lying unconscious on another bed. Beside her stood Sammy and DJ, the latter holding his pet in his hands.

"I hope she's okay," the cheerleader said quietly. "I don't want her to get voted out because of this."

"I know how you feel," the gentle giant said. "I don't want her to go either. Here, Bunny," he set the rabbit down next to his petite friend, "you watch Dawn for us while we're gone, okay? When she wakes up she'll need somebody to keep her company." Bunny sniffled, and hopped closer to the girl. DJ and Sammy smiled, then walked away.

The camera lingered and the music turned dark as Topher poked his head into the infirmary tent. He checked and saw that Chef was still preoccupied with Jo, and grinned. He ducked off-screen momentarily, before a pair of hands rose up behind Dawn's bed and snatched Bunny away.

/

"Good news for the Gophers!" Chris announced as the camera panned down from the treetops to show the remaining members of both teams lined up before the host. "The challenge isn't over, because the _third_ round involves three _more_ challenges! It's the Three Blind Challenges!" The handsome man held up three fingers, and the camera passed over the campers as they reacted to the names of their next tasks. "It begins with the Blind William Tell, followed by the Blind Trapeze, and culminating in the _treacherous_ Blind Toboggan."

He gave Beardo a pair of shades similar to what was used during the paintball challenge, then placed an arrow on top of the boy's mane. "Like legendary marksman William Tell," Chris explained as he went to stand by a barrel of apples some distance away, "you'll be knocking arrows off your partner's head with crabapples."

"Actually," Scarlett corrected, "Tell shot an apple off his son's head with a _crossbow_ , thus-"

"Shush!" Chris interrupted. "Also," he showed them a white cloth, "the shooter will be blindfolded!" Beardo made an alarmed sound and his teammates edged away from him.

"The person who knocks off the arrow while causing the least amount of facial damage," the blindfolded host explained, readying a slingshot, "wins." Chris let lose the apple, which hit Beardo below the belt. He fell to his knees and made a high-pitched buzzing noise, putting his hand on the damaged area.

"Ahh, nuts!" Chris said, peeking out from beneath his blindfold. "Sammy and DJ, you'll be one team," he said as the two Gophers smiled at each other, "Scarlett and B, you'll be the other."

The two geniuses looked at each other. "I suppose I'll throw, my motor skills and visualization abilities should allow me to mitigate the lack of visual input," Scarlett said.

B gave her an uncertain look, then shrugged.

"Okay!" Chris said, pumping his fist. "Let's rock and roll!"

The scene cut to B with safety glasses and arrow on his head, panning over to show Sammy in a similar situation. Across the clearing stood DJ and Scarlett, already blindfolded, while Chris and the other campers stood to the side – Beardo still holding his groin. Both shooters shot their first apples; DJ's came up short and hit the ground before reaching its target, while Scarlett's bounced off her teammate's chest.

"Little higher, DJ!" Sammy called, and the shooters prepared their second volley.

"I'm sorry, I just don't want you to get hurt!" the gentle giant told his friend as he made his second shot, Scarlett following shortly after. DJ's shot went high this time, while B was struck in the shoulder.

An apple was shown whistling through the air after being shot by DJ, and it was soon joined by Scarlett's third. "You...!" Sammy began to say, wincing as the fruit hit her in the arm. "You can do it! Don't worry about me, I'll be fine!"

DJ whimpered but continued to fire, as did Scarlett who was beginning to grit her teeth. Several more apples were shown hitting or missing the two targets in quick succession and B was looking annoyed at all the hits he'd had to suffer.

Eventually, DJ steeled himself and let one more apple fly. The camera followed it in slow-motion as it soared through the air and impaled itself straight onto the arrow. As it fell off the Gophers cheered, and Scarlett growled in frustration.

"Oh man, are you alright?" DJ said, removing his blindfold and rushing over to his teammate. "I didn't hurt you with any of those, did I?"

"Oh, I'm fine," the blonde said with a slight blush, rubbing where her arm had been hit. "I've been hurt worse, this is nothing. Besides, you did it! You won this part of the challenge!"

DJ smiled. "Yeah, you're right! I did!" The two high-fived, and rejoined their cheering teammates.

/

The next part of the challenge had the host and campers assembled behind a tall wooden structure suspended over a pool of water. Going up the two front posts were rungs that could be used to climb to a small platform, and hanging over the gap in the middle were two trapeze.

"And now," Chris announced, "the Blind Trapeze! To avoid serious injury, the trapeze has been set up over this pond," he motioned to the pool, "which is full of jellyfish!" A school of pinkish-purple jellyfish crackling with electricity was shown, and the Killer Bass gasped.

"You two," Chris said as he tossed blindfolds to Sam and Shawn, "will stand blindfolded on the platform until your partners tell you when to jump." The two boys looked warily at their assigned partners Geoff and Alejandro.

"And then we trust them to catch us, right?" Shawn asked nervously.

"Yup!" Chris told him. "Otherwise, that's gonna be one heck of a _painful_ swim. Okay, hut hut!"

/

The scene skipped ahead to show the two blindfolded young men at their stations, Geoff hanging from his knees from the Bass' trapeze, and Alejandro next to his teammate on the Gopher's platform.

"Okay, dude!" Geoff called as he swung back and forth. "Get ready to jump...," he swung forward, and Sam cautiously inched towards the edge of the platform, "now! No wait, not now! _Not now_!"

It was too late. Geoff had waited too long to make the call, and missed catching Sam by a yard. The gamer plunged into the pond, sending up a wave of water and jellyfish. His screams and the sound of stinging filled the air as his team looked on in concern.

"Okay Gophers, your turn!" Chris continued with a smile.

Shawn was shown standing alone on the platform, and Alejandro was swinging calmly. "Okay amigo," he said, "I want you to jump when I say ' _three_ ', do you understand? I was once part of Cirque du Monet's all-child show 'Infantile', I have done this many times before!"

"If you say so!" Shawn replied uncertainly.

"One..." Alejandro called out slowly. "Two... _T_ _h_ _re_ _e_ _!_ " Shawn gulped but took the leap, and his multi-talented partner caught him easily. As the two swung over the pond, the Gophers cheered.

"Looks like that's another point for the Screaming Gophers!" Chris announced.

xxx

"I _knew_ he'd be able to tie it up," Topher confessed smugly, "you can _always_ count on hot guys like me and Al to look good on TV. Now I just gotta do _my_ part!"

xxx

The footage cut back to the infirmary. A gruff "Oww!" followed by the sound of an electric shock was heard as Sam entered the tent, a jellyfish still clinging to him. "This sure got painful pretty fast. Oww!" He took a seat on one of the beds, and noticed somebody off-camera.

"Oh, hey Dakota!" Sam greeted as the camera panned over to show the heiress spoon-feeding Jo on the other side of the room. "You got anything for removing jellyfish?"

Dakota waved, then put a finger to her lip. "Umm, I think _Chef_ probably has something, he should be back soon."

"Great!" Sam chuckled, getting shocked again. "Oww! Hey, what's with her?" He pointed to another bed, where Dawn sat, meditating in the lotus position.

"I have _no_ idea," Dakota said. "She was like that when I got here."

"Just making sure my natural energies are flowing correctly," the small blonde explained, moving only her lips. "I should probably return to my team – if that's allowed, of course."

Dakota blinked, then shrugged. "Like, I guess so? Chef didn't really _say_..."

"Then I shall take my leave of this place," Dawn stated as she uncrossed her legs and slid off the table.

Dakota shrugged again, and reluctantly turned her attention back to Jo. " _Eww_..." the intern whined as a bit of drool came out of the paralyzed girl's mouth.

/

A pair of toboggans leaning against a tree had caught the eyes of the remaining campers as Chris began to explain the final challenge. "And now, the final leg!" he said grandly. "The Blind Toboggan Race!"

"Ooh, I've been looking forward to this!" Topher said, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

"Each team will have a _driver_ , and a _navigator_ ," the host explained, and the camera panned over the ten teens. "The driver steers, while the navigator shouts directions. Oh yeah! And the driver will be blindfolded!" Bridgette, B, and Geoff gasped.

"Looks like we're down a few," Chris noted as he looked over the campers. "We keep _losing_ you guys!" He laughed, then scratched his chin. "Oh well. Ah... Topher and DJ, Scarlett and Bridgette." The two pairs looked at each other, but DJ's eye was soon caught by someone else.

"Dawn!" he called as his friend rejoined her team.

"You're awake!" Sammy added, giving her friend a hug.

""Oh yes," Dawn smiled, "and I decided it would be best to watch the end of the challenge."

"Cool," the gentle giant nodded, "did you bring Bunny? I don't see him."

The mystic's brow furrowed. "Why would _I_ have Bunny?"

"Wasn't he in the infirmary when you woke up?" DJ asked in growing concern.

Sammy gasped. "Oh no! Did he run away?"

"I'm so sorry!" Dawn said sadly. "I had no idea!"

DJ wiped away the tears that had started to form, and placed a hand on Dawn's shoulder. "It's okay, it's not your fault." He sighed, and stepped over to a mischievously grinning Topher.

"Bunny... we were such good friends." DJ dropped to his knees and raised his hands to the sky as the music became touching. "Please don't do me like this!"

/

The non-competitors were briefly shown standing behind the finish line as the camera panned over to the highest cliff in the area. "This is it, DJ!" Topher said, looking down over the course. "The final challenge of the day, the all-important tie-breaker that will determine who wins! It's all up to us, and here _you_ are without your beloved pet! Tell me, how _are_ you feeling?"

DJ sighed and slouched. "Pretty sad, dude. I just wish I knew why Bunny deserted me..."

"Hey, you never know, he might come back!" Topher said, putting a hand on his teammate's shoulder. "If we can make it through this death-defying race, you'll have _plenty_ of time to go look for him!"

He looked over at Chef, who was brushing something oily onto the bottoms of the toboggans. "Just lubin' them up," he said with a devilish smirk. "Get a little more _speed_ goin'."

Topher raised an eyebrow, but DJ took no notice in his despair.

/

The footage cut to Chris and Chef standing over the Gopher duo on their toboggan, DJ having donned the blindfold. "On your marks!" Chris said as he walked over to the Bass, showing Bridgette blind in front with Scarlett behind her. "Get set!" He put his foot on the edge of the girls' toboggan, and took out an airhorn. The shot zoomed out to reveal Chef with his foot on the boys' toboggan, and as the host blew the horn the two men gave the teens a push.

The music became fast-paced and hectic as Bridgette and Scarlett sped down the hillside. "Left! Right!" Scarlett called, leaning down and forward. As Bridgette moved the toboggan according to the directions, her partner pressed down on her back, forcing the blind driver to keep herself low. The two passed behind a large tree, allowing the footage to transition to the other team.

"Right!" Topher called, and DJ sluggishly leaned away from the camera. "Watch out for the tree!" DJ leaned the other way, and the perspective changed to a top-down view, showing Topher glance back at the tree they'd just dodged before the camera panned forward to show Bridgette and Scarlett hitting a sloped rock.

"Are we _flying_?!" Bridgette cried as the two ramped into the air.

"An intentional shortcut, I assure you!" Scarlett called back. "Now brace for impact!" A splash was heard, and the Bass girls were shown to have landed on the river. They quickly went over a waterfall, hitting a log lodged between two rocks and springing back into the air.

The boys were shown again, DJ still steering the toboggan in a lackluster manner. "Okay, DJ," Topher said, "this isn't working. We keep this up, and we're gonna lose!" DJ gave no reply, prompting Topher to frown and reach behind his back. "I was saving this for later, but I know when to play my cards. DJ, look what I've got!" The background music struck a triumphant note as the handsome white boy pulled a rather scared-looking Bunny out from who-knows-where. He pressed the rabbit against DJ's cheek, and the gentle giant frowned.

"Don't tease me man," DJ told his partner while reaching for his blindfold, "why would Bunny be with... _Bunn_ _y_ _!_ " He peeked out from beneath the piece of cloth over his eyes, and his entire face lit up.

"Okay then, let's _go_!" Topher cheered before DJ could say anything else.

"Yeah!" DJ smiled, sliding his blindfold down and getting serious.

"Right! Left!" Topher directed, still holding Bunny in one hand. As they raced down the hill, the perspective changed again to show Bridgette and Scarlett landing a ways ahead of them.

"Left!" Scarlett said as trees sped past behind her. "And again!"

"Right!" Topher said in alarm. " _Rig_ _ht_ _!_ " Suddenly, an explosion went off just to the left of their path, and Topher looked back in shock.

"What the _heck_ was that?!" DJ asked in a panic.

"Heh heh, n-nice surprise, Chris!" Topher mumbled nervously.

The scene cut to Chris, holding a blasting machine, smiling as he depressed the plunger. "We had a few explosives left over," he explained to the camera as another explosion was heard in the distance, "and I just hate to waste." He detonated another explosion, this one going off near Bridgette and Scarlett. The two teams were shown barely dodging the blasts, until another one hit close to the boys and sent Bunny flying off of Topher's hand and into the trees.

"Rabbit down!" the young man said frantically. "I repeat, _rabbit dow_ _n_ _!_ "

" _Wha_ _t_ _?!_ " DJ cried. " _BUNN_ _Y_ _!_ " He began to sob, and the Gopher's toboggan quickly spiraled out of control. One of the explosives finally hit them directly, sending both them and their toboggan flying apart.

Scarlett smirked as she looked back at her opponents, then resumed facing forward. "Right! Left!" she called, and the scene cut to the finish line.

Geoff was cheering loudly, while the Gophers looked mostly stunned with Dawn and Sammy were at the front showing particular concern. The racing music reached it's triumphant conclusion as Bridgette and Scarlett slid into the tape stretched across the finish line, breaking it and winning the challenge.

DJ and Topher trudged in shortly after. The gentle giant had already removed his blindfold and was dragging the toboggan behind him, looking inconsolable. He didn't even spare Dawn or Sammy a glance as he walked over to his team and slumped onto the ground.

xxx

"Bunny..." DJ sobbed into his hands in the confessional. " _Whyyyy_ _y_ _?_ " He sniffled, and looked up into the camera. "This... this is all _Topher's_ fault, man. _He_ brought Bunny to the race." He broke out wailing again. "And now he's _gon_ _e_ _!_ "

xxx

As the camera panned over the campers, Jo and Sam were revealed to have rejoined their teams. Sam had a few adhesive bandages on his face but looked fine otherwise, while Jo was confined to wheelchair and still gurgled every now and then.

"And the Bass are the winners of the toboggan race!" Chris announced, to the five teens' delight. "Gophers! You're headed to your fourth elimination tonight." He walked away, and after Bridgette and Scarlett had been lifted onto their teammates' shoulders the Bass did as well.

"Aww, man!" Shawn lamented, giving Topher an annoyed look. "First you let Dawn fall, and now _th_ _is_ _?_ Why did you even _have_ that rabbit in the _first_ place?"

Topher rolled his eyes. "Well _excuse me_ for wanting to make things more interesting! How was _I_ supposed to know the stupid thing would get blown up?"

DJ wailed at the mention of his pet's potential fate.

"For treating one of nature's children to such unjustified cruelty," Dawn told him as she passed with Sammy doing her best to comfort DJ, "doom is _certain_ to befall you."

"Come on, you don't really _mean_ that, right?" Topher asked the backs of his teammates. " _Righ_ _t_ _?_ "

/

The logo of the Screaming Gophers appeared in the top right corner of the screen as the elimination began, the camera panning from the eight members of the team to the smiling host and his plate of marshmallows. "Who wants a treat?" he opened. "A tasty goody that represents exemption, security, peace of mind-"

He was interrupted by a soft groan from Alejandro. "Must you do this every time?"

Chris immediately popped up behind DJ and sped up his speech. "And if you don't get a marshmallow you have to walk the Dock of Shame and you can never come back!" He ducked behind the teary giant and showed back up close to Alejandro's face. " _Eve_ _r_ _!_ " Alejandro glared as Chris retreated.

"Let's see... one for Beardo, one for Samey, one for Dawn!" He tossed three of the marshmallows across the fire, and the two girls happily caught them in their mouths. "Alejandro, Shawn, and DJ! Well _done_ , my brothers!" The charmer and the survivalist also caught their prizes in their mouths.

"Looks like we only have one left," Chris said as the view moved to the remaining campers. "Jo and Topher," the boy looked nervous while the girl could barely manage a glare, "the final marshmallow..." As the smug-faced host paused, Topher met Alejandro's eyes, but Alejandro quickly looked away.

xxx

"Topher has been a reliable vote all game," Alejandro confessed, "but while Dawn _does_ owe me a favor, I do not think she or her allies would agree to eliminate anybody else right now."

xxx

Topher looked back at Chris and gulped, while Jo continued to glare angrily.

"Uhh, are you gonna do this or what?" Shawn asked.

"Don't _rush_ me!" Chris protested. "The audience eats up this kind of dramatic conclusion!" Shawn just rolled his eyes.

"...Jo." the host said after another pause. The marshmallow he shot bounced off the paralyzed young woman's forehead, and she grunted.

The handsome boy let out his breath, then stood up. "Well," he said sharply, "looks like _some_ people don't appreciate everything I bring to the table. Guess this show just lost its best-looking contestant." Alejandro's scowl at the remark went unnoticed. Topher walked up to his idol and extended a hand. "It was an absolute _honor_ to meet, and work, alongside you, Chris. Keep givin' 'em everything you've got, man!"

"Oh, I will Topher," Chris said happily, accepting the handshake, "I _will_." As the young man walked off, Chris turned his attention back to the remaining Gophers. "The rest of you are safe," he told them. "For _now_."

/

Topher was shown walking sadly down the Dock of Shame. He noticed the camera, and winked at it. His parting words were spoken in a style similar to the host's own. "What does Chris have in store for the remaining contestants? Find out next time, on Total! Drama! Island!"

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so goes Topher, an episode after his rival. With him debuting in the first season I could hardly have him trying to take of Chris' job, but the necessary modifications to his character still keep him feeling the same overall.
> 
> And hey, still did a better job at basically everything than canon did. Seriously, Sadie got screwed once Katie was eliminated.
> 
> According to my notes I had considered having Alejandro call in his favor from Dawn, which probably would have resulted in either Jo going home, or a rift forming between her and her two friends, but... Yeah, I'm pretty happy with the path I ended up taking.
> 
> Oh. Right. The challenge. Technically one could argue that the Gophers should have lost immediately after losing the second challenge, but... Yeah, I wasn't even thinking about the challenge being a Best-of-Three set-up when I originally wrote this chapter. But hey, Chris probably would have wanted to drag things out more anyway, so it probably doesn't matter. I did at least try to smooth that plot hole over a tiny bit for this revision, at least.
> 
> Let me know what you thought, and I'll see you all next time!
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (21st Place)
> 
> Ezekiel - (20th Place)
> 
> Sugar - (19th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (18th Place)
> 
> Amy - (17th Place)
> 
> Scott - (16th Place)
> 
> Beth - (15th Place)
> 
> Sierra - (14th Place)
> 
> Topher - (13th Place)


	12. Basic Straining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want a reminder, the teams are as follows:
> 
> Killer Bass \- B, Bridgette, Geoff, Sam, Scarlett
> 
> Screaming Gophers \- Alejandro, Beardo, Dawn, DJ, Jo, Sammy, Shawn
> 
> Well then, sit back and enjoy!
> 
> \- Fangren

"Last time, on Total Drama Island!" The recap began with a clip of the two teams on the docks, with a focus on Jo and Scarlett as they looked at their teammates with disdain. "The teams were given three challenges that tested their trust in their teammates. The rock-climbing challenge showed _just_ how much Topher cared about Dawn's safety," the cliff was shown, as was Dawn falling off while Topher fussed over his appearance, "and Jo got the bad end of a blowfish courtesy of her own crappy cooking." Beardo's refusal to eat was followed by Jo taking a piece of fish, then keeling over.

"DJ left his pet Bunny in the infirmary," the relevant scene was shown, including Topher sneaking in after, "which ended up being a _huge_ mistake when Topher decided to use him to stir up some drama." The reveal of Bunny during the final challenge was followed by Bunny flying into the woods, and DJ and Topher hitting an explosion and losing the race. "The Gophers got their fourth loss, and sadly, it was _Topher_ who was sent packing. Bummer. Kinda liked the kid." Topher's elimination and his final goodbye to Chris finished the recap. "Stay tuned," the host said from the docks, "for the most dramatic bonfire ceremony _yet_ , on Total! Drama! Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The scene faded in to the outside of the Bass cabin, as Geoff lounged on the front steps and B worked on the hot tub they'd won in the very first challenge of the series. The door to the cabin opened and Sam wobbled out, groaning and eventually falling to the floor.

"Chris take away another one of your video games, dude?" Geoff asked out of concern.

"Yeah," the gamer answered, "and it was my last one, too." He crawled forward, and managed to turn himself around to sit on the steps next to his roommate. "I thought I was doing so _well_ by pacing myself on my games," he explained, "it really helped me build up a tolerance to the _withdrawal_ , y'know? But I don't know how long I can last without anything to fall back on."

"Come on, it ain't that bad!" Geoff said, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder. "You're a pretty tough dude for someone who doesn't play a lot of sports, so I'm _sure_ you'll get through this. Just gotta keep goin'."

Sam sighed. "I hope you're right, man. I don't wanna go home yet, I think I'm finally making some progress with Dakota!"

"Yeah, I noticed!" Geoff smiled. "I think she's _totally_ digging you, right B?"

B looked up from the tub and shot his usual smirk and thumbs up at Sam.

The beginning of a military drumline heralded the voice of Chef Hatchet coming over the camp loudspeaker. "Listen up, you little _cockroache_ _s_ _!_ " he yelled, gaining the attention of the Bass boys. "I want _all_ campers to report to the Dock of Shame at 0900 hours!" A zoomed-out shot showed Shawn, Beardo, Dawn, and Sammy loitering nearby, and the campers looked at each other in mild confusion. "That means _now_ , soldiers, _N_ _OW_ _!_ " The campers immediately started to run.

/

The footage skipped ahead to when the twelve campers had finally assembled on the docks. From left to right stood Shawn, Jo, Sammy, Dawn, DJ, Geoff, Sam, B, Scarlett, Bridgette, Beardo, and Alejandro, with Chef at the very end dressed like a drill instructor.

"Line up and stand at attention!" Chef said into a megaphone, pulling out a pointing stick and walking down the line of campers. "You call this proper formation? Feet together!" He smacked Geoff's shins, causing the boy to yelp. "Arms down!" He hit Scarlett's crossed arms, causing them to drop. "Eyes forward!" DJ immediately turned his head forward. "Head up!" Alejandro's chin was forced up, and Chef finished by smacking Sam several times to forcibly correct the gamer's posture.

"Well _this_ is gonna be good...," Shawn muttered to Jo.

"What did you say to me, soldier?!" Chef yelled through his megaphone at her.

"Uh, nothing?" Shawn answered quickly.

"And you will _continue_ to say nothin', until I _tell_ you that you _can_ say somethin!" Chef told him.

"Today's challenge will not be an easy one," the hulking man explained as he began to pace back and forth along the dock. "In fact, I do not expect everyone to come out alive." Beardo made a dramatic noise, and received a hit in the back of the neck for it. He whimpered like a dog as he rubbed where he'd been hit, and Chef continued. "My orders are to make sure that _all_ of the babies in front of me drop _out_ of my boot camp except one. The last one standin' wins immunity for their team."

"I wonder what happened to Chris?" Sammy murmured to Dawn.

"Rule number one!" Chef barked, eyes wide beneath his sunglasses. "You will address me, as Master Chief! Have you got that?"

"Yes Master Chief!" the campers replied in unison.

"You will _sleep_ when I _tell_ you to sleep," Chef continued, "and you will _eat_ only when I _tell_ you to eat!" As Chef shouted at Geoff, the shot briefly shifted to a close view of the end of the megaphone. "Is that clear?" The megaphone was taken away, and Geoff's scared face could be seen reflected in Chef's sunglasses.

"Yes Master Chief!" the party-lover said.

"Rule number two!" Chef held up two fingers as he went on. "When you are ready to give up, you will walk to the end of the dock, and ring the bell!" He pointed across B and Scarlett towards a brass bell hanging from a wooden post. "Which brings me to rule number three! I'd like to get one quitter before the end of the first day, and that day will not _end_ until _someone_ drops _o_ _ut_ _!_ " He reached the other end of the dock and turned around. "And get your _butts_ down to the _beach_ , soldiers, now, now, _no_ _w_ _!_ " At his command, the campers ran quickly up the dock, many of them screaming.

xxx

"You know," Jo confessed, "I'm actually impressed that he's the one in charge of this challenge. As twisted as McClean _tries_ to be, he doesn't hold a _candle_ to Chef! Finally, it's time for me to _dominate_." She punched her hand cockily and the camera went to static.

xxx

The episode cut back to the teens standing on the beach in front of Chef, a pair of colored canoes, and a single deck chair. "Listen up!" Chef barked. "Each team must hold a _canoe_ over their heads. I catch you takin' your hands _off_ the canoe, and you _will_ be eliminated! And no one eats _lunch_ until someone drops _ou_ _t_ _!_ " The campers looked at each other in dread.

"Canoes _up_ _!_ " Chef commanded. Five pairs of hands raised the red canoe, and seven lifted the green one. Due to the drastic height differences among the Gophers, their canoe sloped forward slightly as Dawn stood in front and DJ in the far back.

"This is easy!" Alejandro commented.

"Piece of cake!" Geoff agreed.

/

The footage cut ahead, showing the sun beating down above the campers. Scarlett grunted in annoyance, and Beardo's stomach rumbled.

"Come on, you _sissi_ _es_ _!_ " Chef mocked from off-screen. "It's only been three hours!"

"Looks like they missed lunch today," Chris said in a surprise close-up.

"Mm-hmm," the large cook nodded. "Guess they just weren't _hungry_ _!_ Unless someone wants to _quit_ now?" The camera zoomed out to reveal the two men sitting cross-legged on top of the two canoes; Chris on the Gophers and Chef on the Bass.

Shawn's stomach growled, and Jo shot him an annoyed glance. "You'd _better_ not be thinking of quitting, Zombie Boy!"

The focus cut over to Sam, as he blinked and shook his head. "Uggh...," he groaned, "need... video games..." The perspective followed his as he looked around at his teammates and his surroundings, both of which shifted into pixelated, sprite-like versions of themselves. "Or food...," Sam added as his visions began to incorporate various food items, the canoe even turning into a large banana. Sam blinked, and took his hands off the canoe to rub his eyes.

He put them back in place just as Chef lowered his head. "Is there a _problem_ down here?!" he yelled.

"No...," Sam said wearily.

/

Night had fallen, and Dawn at the front of the Gopher's line-up was having trouble staying awake. "Twenty-five of us went in the jungle that night," Chef muttered as he sat by a campfire. "Only _five_ came back out..."

Alejandro yawned and asked, "And which war were you in again?"

"Did I _ask_ you to speak?" Chef yelled at him. "Because I don't _remembe_ r asking you to speak."

"My apologies," Alejandro said softly, "just curious."

The focus moved to Dawn as the Gopher's logo appeared in the corner of the screen. She yawned, then sighed. "My friends, I am _deeply_ sorry," she said, stepping out from under the canoe, "but I fear I can _not_ go on. My arms have lost all feeling, and I am in great need of sleep..."

Sh trudged her way past Chef, who watched her and smirked. "Looks like we got ourselves a quitter!" he squealed.

"Dawn, no!" DJ cried, but it was too late. The short young woman made it to the end of the dock, and rang the bell with her forehead. The Gophers groaned and trembled under the additional weight they had to bear on tired arms, while the Bass happily dropped their canoe to the ground.

"Listen here," Chef told Dawn, "you have _nothin'_ to be ashamed of."

Then he dropped his kindness, and took out his megaphone. "Except bein' a little _baby_ that let your team down!" he yelled with enough force to nearly knock the petite girl over. "As for the rest of you," Chef turned his attention to the other campers, "head to the Mess Hall. Dinner is served!"

"It's about time," Jo grumbled as the Gopher canoe was dumped.

/

"Alright maggots, open your ears!" Chef's voice barked over a shot of the dining hall. "You've got ten minutes to eat before night training begins," he said as the camera cut inside and panned over the campers, Chris, and Chef himself, "so get to it!"

Several disbelieving cries of "Night training?!" and "No!" cropped up among the campers.

"Yo, Master Chief, where's the food?" DJ asked.

Chef smiled and motioned to four metal trash cans on the floor beside him. "You're _looking_ at it," he chuckled.

The shot briefly went dark, and the point-of-view was shown to have moved inside one of the trash cans as the lid was removed by a skeptical Shawn. "This... is the garbage from today's breakfast," he noted with a heavy sigh.

"Darn right!" Chef told him. "When you're at war, you _take_ what you can _ge_ _t_ _!_ " Shawn frowned and rustled around in the can for a moment, pulling out a piece of what may once have been food. He blew on it, then tossed it in his mouth.

"Well," Chris said, "I can see you've got this under control. I'm off to Craft Services! Coming?" he asked his coworker.

"Heck yeah, gotta get me some of that!" Chef said, following the host out of the room.

Sammy's arm was shown rooting around one of the trash cans, and she whimpered in disappointment as she withdrew an old banana peel.

"Okay, there is no _way_ I will be eating like this," Alejandro complained, throwing down the meal tray he held.

"Likewise," Scarlett said, tossing away her own tray.

"What's the matter," Jo taunted as she walked past with a moldy piece of bread, "don't like what's on today's menu?"

"Yes," Scarlett said bluntly, "this is unsanitary. In addition, when I apply to earn the first of what will be _many_ degrees, I'd prefer it if footage of me eating food waste _didn't_ exist."

Jo rolled her eyes, and walked over to where Beardo was sitting. Their eyes met, and the hairy boy grunted and turned away. "Let me guess, still mad that I helped get rid of your little _girlfriend_?" Jo taunted.

"Yeah, I'm mad that you voted for Beth," Beardo said, "but we were _just_ friends!"

Jo scoffed. "Oh _please_ , like I'm gonna believe that."

Beardo stared at her blankly. "Jo, I hate to break it to you, but I'm _gay_. I don't _like_ girls like you think I do. Of course, if you'd ever bothered to pay attention to your _allies_ , you probably would've figured that out by now!"

"Like I've got time for _th_ _at_ _!_ " the jock-ette huffed, hiding her embarrassment. "I prefer focusing on things that actually _matter_ , like _winning_ _!_ "

Beardo rolled his eyes. "Yeah, and you've done so much of _that_..."

"Hey!" Jo said, taking offense. " _I'm_ the reason we've been winning so much, so you'd better watch your back!"

Beardo made a loud buzzing noise, causing several people around the room to turn their attention to the feuding pair. "Not how I remember it. Let's see...," he began to count out on his fingers, "Shawn won the Awake-a-thon, me an' Beth won the dodgeball game, I won the talent contest, and the challenge after _that_ we only won because Lightning came back last," he paused for a moment, "then I think Scott got cursed or _somethin'_ , and then Sierra messed up her team's dessert. None of that had anything to do with _you_."

Jo struggled to find a comeback. " _Fine_ ," she finally said through grit teeth, "maybe I haven't been directly responsible for our wins, but that changes _now_. Watch out Losers," she announced to the room, "because _this girl's_ gonna be the last one standing!" She walked off-screen, leaving most of the other campers bewildered.

/

The scene cut to a close-up of a stereo, a variation of Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' playing on it. Chef, standing at the end of a wooden platform, went through a series of dance moves similar to those associated with the song. He shuffled in place and stomped and so on, and the shot cut to Jo's feet as she began to mimic the moves.

The camera soon cut to a group shot, showing the campers positioned on the beach in three rows: Alejandro, Beardo, and B in the top; Bridgette, Geoff, Sam, and Scarlett in the middle; and Shawn, DJ, Dawn, Sammy, and Jo on the bottom row closest to the camera. They danced in sync with each other and the music, all in the style associated with the song. Chef was shown again, doing a few more moves which culminated in a series of pelvic thrusts, the camera getting closer with each one, until somebody turned off the stereo and the campers let loose a sigh of relief.

It was Shawn who had stepped out of line. "Yeah, dancing like this is starting to freak me out. If one of us drops out, can we stop?"

"We'll _stop_ when I _say_ we'll stop!" Chef barked at him. "Now drop and give me twenty!" Shawn groaned, and started doing push-ups. "Anyone _else_ got anything they want to say?"

"Umm, excuse me," Sammy raised her hand, knees closed together, "can I go to the bathroom?"

The shot skipped over to Sammy standing in the bathroom with a mop and bucket, rubber gloves on her hands. "This isn't really what I _meant_...," she sighed.

/

The dining hall was briefly shown from the outside again before the camera cut inside, showing every camper except Dawn sitting at their team's table. "For your next challenge," Chef told them, "you will complete a 300-word essay about how much you _love_ me. Anyone who falls asleep, or fails to _complete_ the challenge, will be eliminated!"

The scene flashed to a close-up of an analog clock, the hands reading approximately 12:55 am. A spider began to spin a web in the corner, and the clocked ticked away until it had reached 3:00 am and a buzzer sounded. Both Jo in the foreground and Scarlett in the background had deep bags under their eyes, and Sam was giggling softly to himself with a bit of drool trickling over the side of his mouth. Alejandro and Shawn were shown barely keeping themselves awake, and Beardo made a 'sad trombone' sound as his essay was taken away while he was thinking of something else to write. Jo just smirked as Chef picked up her stack of papers.

"I _love_ Master Chief Hatchet," Chef read, voice getting lower with each word, "because he is really tough. I love Master Chief Hatchet... because he is really tough... I love Master Chief Hatchet..." He scowled at the girl. "This is just the same sentence repeated over and over for four pages!"

"Hey, it's _exactly_ 300 words, isn't it?" Jo defended. "Besides, you never said it had to be _goo_ _d_ _!_ "

Chef continued to read the essays as he walked over to the Bass' side of the room, to where Sam sat giggling. "Is this _funny_ to you, Chubby?"

"Heh heh... that cutscene was pretty good...," Sam mumbled. "Good thing I finished on time, wouldn't wanna get a 'Game Over' right now..."

Chef furrowed his brow. "Does this look like a _game_ to you, boy?!"

The gamer's viewpoint was shown again, and both Chef and the rest of the room had taken on the retro video game style that had been used for Sam's withdrawal before. A health bar had been added to the mock user interface, and it was dangerously low. The perspective cut back to the boy's front as he blinked and shook his head. "Yeah, kinda."

Chef growled, and stormed off. He slammed a fist down on the table, startling Bridgette awake. "You three slackers are out," Chef said as the camera panned over to show DJ and Sammy fast asleep and leaning against each other. "The rest of you, get to bed and report to the playing field at 0500 hours."

"Excuse me, I don't suppose you will be giving an advantage to the one who wrote the best essay?" Alejandro asked as Chef walked by.

" _N_ _o_ _!_ " the man yelled. "And if you try to suck up to me again, it'll be 50 laps around the camp!"

Alejandro groaned. "Yes, Master Chief."

"Well, _that_ was a waste of effort," Scarlett added.

/

The footage cut to Chef and the remaining eight campers standing next to the edge of a mud pit, with only a few scattered torches to see by. The camera began panning to the right, showing a wooden wall, a pair of hanging ropes with ramps leading to and away, a pair of raised tires, and a pair of large axes hanging upside-down and blade-inward at the end. "You will _all_ run this course," Chef explained, "until you can _all_ complete it in under one minute. Am I makin' my self _cle_ _ar_ _?_ " he asked Jo, face-to-face.

"Yes sir!" she said cockily.

"Cool," Sam said as the shot cut over to the Bass. "This looks pretty fun. I just hope I can beat it under the time limit first try," he smiled as he pointed at some vague spot above him. Geoff and B gave each other concerned looks.

" _Go_ , maggots, _g_ _o_ _!_ " Chef shouted at them, and the music picked up as the campers started to run the course. Feet splashed across the shallow pool, and Jo was the first up the wall. Beardo reached the top but struggled to pull himself over, while Alejandro made the jump with ease. Further along, Scarlett was shown diving through the raised tires, while Sam found himself stuck head-first. Geoff and Beardo crawled under the axes, and Jo and Shawn swung across the ropes with confidence.

B managed to squeeze himself through the tires, but landed face first in the pool. He got onto his hands and knees, and vomited out a stream of mud.

"Yo, Master Chief dude! I think we've got a _problem_ over here!" Geoff called as he and Jo came upon that part of the course again; the jock-ette kept running as Chef walked over to see what the problem was. B looked like he was about to say something, but the only thing that came from his mouth was more mud.

"Ring the bell and report to the infirmary," Chef told the boy, picking him up by the sleeve of his coat. "Your tour of duty is finished."

"Aww, poor dude!" Geoff said as B walked off with a miserable expression on his face. "Just take it easy, man, you'll be fine!"

"Back on the _course_ , soldier, _NO_ _W_ _!_ " Chef commanded, and Geoff started running.

Clips of the obstacle course continued with Shawn and Beardo climbing the wall again; Beardo lost his grip and fell backwards off it, making the noise of a falling bomb as he dropped. A mud-spattered Geoff barely managed to get through the tire, and Scarlett tripped as she ran between obstacles. Shawn ended up looking like a marionette as he got tangled up in the ropes, and Alejandro struggled to keep himself from sinking beneath the axes. Sam crawled past him, sweaty and heaving, and bumped into Chef's boots.

"Whoa, boss fight already?" Sam said, woozily getting to his feet.

"Chubby, you better keep movin', or drop and give me twenty right now!" Chef ordered, but Sam just chuckled.

"That won't work on _me_ _!_ " he said as the scene became pixelated and overlain with a graphical interface similar to a 2d fighting game. "Duck!" Sam said, ducking as Chef tried to grab him. He popped up and quickly ducked again, then giggled. "Duck! Now _punc_ _h_ _!_ " He threw a punch at Chef, but the muscular man merely caught it. Chef clenched his fist around the gamer's hand and growled, causing Sam to yelp in pain as his simulated life gauge rapidly drained. The video game graphics disappeared, and the air around Chef took a reddish tinge.

"Uh oh, I think he pushed him over the edge," Geoff told Scarlett nearby.

"Agreed," Scarlett said.

"One night solitary confinement," Chef stated in barely-contained rage, veins bulging all over, "in the _Boathouse_."

Beardo, Alejandro, and Shawn all gasped from their respective spots along the course. Sam chuckled nervously as Scarlett and Geoff approached him, and said "Bad move, huh?"

/

A large fishing hooked gleamed in the first shot of the Boathouse interior, and it was quickly followed by a gleaming shark jaw, and the briefest glimpse of something swimming in a barrel of water. Sam sat alone on a crate amid the fishing and boating gear, and looked thoroughly exhausted. "Well Samuel, you've really gotten yourself into a corner this time," he told himself. His eyes went wide as a wolf howled in the distance.

/

A bowl of something unidentified but presumably edible was shown as the scene transitioned to the Mess Hall. Geoff and Scarlett sat at a table poking their meal, Geoff sadly and Scarlett with visible skepticism. "I'm kinda worried about Sam," Geoff said. "Dude's gotta be pretty hungry out there by himself."

"I'm more concerned about ourselves," Scarlett replied. "This gruel looks to be neither rich in essential nutrients nor easily digestable. We'll require better sustenance if we want to win this challenge."

"Pardon me," Alejandro interrupted with a smile as the camera panned over to him, "but I couldn't help overhearing. I too find our current meal to be unsatisfactory." He leaned in closer, and began to whisper. "Perhaps we could... make an arrangement?"

Scarlett's eyes narrowed. "I'm listening..."

/

Sam was humming the tune of a video game as he sat in darkness, tossing random objects at a line of life preservers he'd set up in a row. "Ten points!" he cheered when he managed to throw an oar through the middle of them. He bent down and picked up the metal lid of a bait bucket.

The door to the Boathouse opened, and he turned his head. "Hello?” came a familiar voice, accompanied by the shine of a flashlight. "Is anyone in here?"

"...Dakota?" Sam asked, taking a step forward. "Is that you?"

The girl squealed and dropped her flashlight, then squinted at her former teammate. "Sam?" she asked. "Why are _you_ here?"

The gamer scratched the back of his neck. "Chef got pretty mad at me during the challenge, so he sent me to solitary. What brings you here?"

"Huh? Oh! Chris told me to come here and dump this bucket of chum out," she held up a metal bucket for him to see; it had flies circling it. "He didn't say why, just that I should throw it away as soon as I got here." She paused, looked down at the chum bucket, shrugged, and dumped it into the water.

"I think he probably expected you to throw it on me," Sam said after she'd tossed the empty bucket away.

"Oh no," Dakota groaned, "don't tell me I messed up again!"

" _N_ _o_ _!_ " Sam told her quickly. "I mean, _I'm_ pretty glad you didn't cover me in chum, that doesn't really sound enjoyable. Who cares if Chris is disappointed?"

Dakota sighed and sat on a barrel. "It's just that every time I think I've got this whole ' _intern_ ' thing figured out, I do something wrong! Like, I'm still as cute and adorable as I _always_ am, but somehow that's just, I don't know, not _enough_. Do you know what I mean?"

"Kinda," Sam said. "I guess the same thing is happening to me in a way. Like, I've spent all these years getting good at video games, and I thought that was all I'd ever need, but now it's like all of that's working _against_ me. And when I look at Geoff, and B, and Scarlett, and Bridgette, and even the Gophers, it's like none of them are having the same problem."

He sighed, and halfheartedly tossed the lid he'd been holding at the life preservers, and it bounced off the first one. "I think we need to level-up or something."

Dakota looked perplexed. "What do you mean?"

"That we need to improve ourselves, you know, branch out and find some _other_ stuff we're good at," Sam explained. "So that way we'll still be an awesome gamer and an _incredibly_ attractive and fashionable girl, but we'll also be _more_ than that."

Dakota smiled. "So I guess it'll be harder than just getting a makeover, huh?"

Sam shrugged. "Probably. But I think it'll be worth it. And we can still do the makeover if you want to," he looked down at his striped shirt, "I could probably use one to be honest." Dakota giggled, and Sam did as well.

/

The scene cut to an exterior shot of a large tent as a pair of 'bushes' walked up to it. They stopped a few yards from the entrance, and Alejandro and Scarlett popped their heads out and looked around. From the inside of the tent Alejandro was shown peeking into the opening, Scarlett following suit seconds later.

"Twenty-five of us went into the jungle that night," Chef droned as the pair threw several small objects off-screen and dropped to the ground, "only five came back out."

Without making a sound, they crawled along the ground until they came to a refrigerator, smiled at each other, and Alejandro opened the duffel bag he'd brought. Starting with a jar of peanut butter they began loading food into the bag, Scarlett keeping one eye on her watch. "Detonation in 3," she whispered, "2, 1!" Both teens stuck their fingers in their ears.

"I mean, _come on_ ," Chris told Chef as the shot changed over to him, "I am _nothin_ g without my-" he was interrupted by a series of small explosions from outside. "The heck was _tha_ _t_ _?_ " Startled, Chris and Chef ran out of the tent and into a cloud of smoke.

Scarlett and Alejandro quickly shoved more food into their bag and zipped it up. "Anything _else_ we should grab while we're here?" the charmer asked.

The brainiac grabbed a carton of milk, shook it, and raised an eyebrow. "This should be sufficient," she said as she put the carton back – it had a picture of Staci, the first to be voted out, on the back – and closed the fridge. "We'll share it equally among both teams, correct?"

"But of course!" Alejandro smiled. "I _always_ keep my word when it comes to someone like _you_."

Scarlett didn't look impressed. The shot cut to moments later as the two dashed off into the night, bag of food tucked under Alejandro's arm.

/

The Bass cabin was shown briefly as the scene cut inside it. Beardo and Shawn were sitting on the floor eating a plate of cookies and a sandwich respectively, while DJ sat on a bed and carefully spread peanut butter on a slice of bread. "Man, this is a great haul you two brought back," he said.

"Yeah," Shawn added, "and after that obstacle course, we need all the food we can get!"

The camera panned over to Bridgette, Dawn, and Sammy, the three blondes also enjoying the pilfered treats. "I wonder if all that stuff Chef was saying about being in a war was true," Sammy mused with a mouth half-full of food.

"Regardless," Dawn said, "he is intent on giving us combat training we'll never use."

"Seriously," Bridgette added from her spot on the floor, "if I wanted to join the army I would have." The girls were snapped out of their conversation by the sound of a belch off-camera, causing them to gasp in disgust.

"Ah, that hit the spot!" Jo said, wiping her mouth and noticing the looks she was getting. "What? Like none of _you_ have ever burped before."

"Dude, you belch like a... a dude!" Geoff said in awe as B flipped a cracker into his mouth.

"No," Jo countered with a smirk, "I belch like a _girl_ who's not afraid to let loose!"

Alejandro and Scarlett were shown standing in a corner, rolling their eyes at the antics of the others. Scarlett smiled and reached for the last sandwich on a plate between them, eating it quickly.

"Don't eat so _quickly_ , señorita," Alejandro told her, "lest you upset your stomach."

"I'll be fine," Scarlett told him, "I'll risk indigestion if it means eating properly for the first time in days." She burped slightly, then frowned. "Although in the event that I do end up vomiting, perhaps I should leave the room." She got to her feet, and casually made for the door. Alejandro watched her for a moment, shrugged, and followed.

The redhead leaned against the porch railing and yawned. "It is a beautiful night tonight, is it not?" Alejandro said, coming up beside her. The starry sky was shown, and the two were quiet for a moment.

"How do you put up with them?" Scarlett finally asked. "Especially Jo, who seems far too competitive to work with for a prolonged basis."

"I manage," Alejandro answered with a small sigh. "Jo is really the only difficult one, the rest of us are quite good friends – aside from _Beardo_ of course, but I'm afraid he's only been irritable since Beth left, as they were _quite_ close."

"Hmm... in that case, I'm surprised you haven't voted either of them off yet," Scarlett said.

Alejandro shrugged. "We've only had four eliminations so far, and each time there was someone else the team wished to get rid of more."

"Lucky you," Scarlett said dryly. "And for the record, I doubt that your team gets along as well as you say you do."

The boy shrugged again. "Believe what you will. In the end, I managed to feed all three Gophers still in the challenge, while you've only fed two. Clearly, I and my team look out for each other more than the Bass do." He smiled at her, and walked back into the cabin.

Scarlett's eyes went wide, and she palmed her forehead. "Of course, Sam is still in the boathouse! I have to gather up the remaining food and-"

"Attention remaining boot camp recruits!" Chef announced over the loudspeaker. "The next evolution of your training begins tomorrow morning, at 0700 hours." Each group of campers was shown in turn, listening to the announcement with dread.. "And if I catch the _sucka_ that set off those smoke bombs and took my food, yo' _butt_ is _min_ _e_ _!_ " The scene ended with a view of the camp from the docks, lights on but nobody about.

/

The footage skipped ahead to the next part of the challenge, showing the six remaining campers hanging from a tree by their knees. Scarlett, Sam, and Geoff hung for the Bass on the left, while Jo, Alejandro, and Shawn represented the Gophers on the right.

"What you are experiencing," Chef told them as he walked into the scene from the right, "is an ancient form of torture. By now, the blood has begun rushin' to your head." The camera zoomed in on his grim visage as he detailed what the teenagers were going through. "The next stage is _nausea_ , followed by dizziness and a flushed appearance, as the blood begins to pool in your _eyes_." The focus shifted to Shawn, who began to look woozy and cross-eyed. "You may experience _faintin_ ' spells," Chef said, and the survivalist finally dropped.

"Amigo, are you alright?" Alejandro called.

Bridgette dashed up to wear he lay awkwardly on the ground, and quickly looked him over. "It's okay," she called after getting him straightened out, "he'll be fine!"

Smiling, Alejandro leaned up and grabbed the branch with his hands, adjusting his position but not dropping. Beside him, Jo did the same, and the camera panned over to show Geoff and Scarlett following suit. Sam was struggling at the end, lacking the flexibility of the others.

"Come on," he grunted, "almost got it! Not gonna let down... the team! I've still got a guy left, so-" he flopped down, then lunged back up. His fingers brushed the branch, but were unable to grab onto it before he swung back down and his momentum caused him to fall. "Looks like another 'Game Over' for me...," he moaned, flopping over onto his back.

The four teens were shown again, and this time it was Scarlett who appeared to be getting dizzy. "Well," she sighed, "it seems _I've_ hit my limit. I'd prefer not risking any damage due to temporarily high blood pressure." With that, she dropped.

"Me too," Alejandro added. "I'd rather drop on my _own_ terms than fall and risk damage to my body."

"I expected more out of you two soldiers," Chef said in disappointment.

"I fail to see how that is either of our faults," Scarlett replied. "Personally, I have _never_ displayed either exceptional physical endurance or a proclivity towards behaviors which carry a risk of impacting my mental abilities. To be honest, I'm surprised I made it this far."

Chef scowled as she walked away. "And what's _your_ excuse, pretty boy?" he asked the other fallen teen.

Alejandro smiled at him. "Like I said, I did not want to injure myself by falling. Surely even _you_ must admit it would be a shame to scar _this_ _?_ " He pulled his shirt open just enough to reveal his muscular chest. Bridgette, Sammy, Dawn, Beardo, and even Scarlett and Chef himself were shown looking at it with interest.

" _Fine_ ," Chef grunted, and Alejandro walked away with a smug look on his face.

"We're counting on you, Jo!" the charmer called as he took his place with his team.

"The same for you, Geoff!" Scarlett answered.

"I can take all the time I need to win, no problem!" Jo said confidently, shooting a glance at her opponent.

"Rock on, sister!" Geoff cheered, letting go of one hand to pump a fist. "I _live_ for the head rush!" He laughed, then began to slur his words. "It feels... _sooo_... gooooddd..."

It was no surprise when he finally fell.

"Geoff!" Bridgette said in concern as Scarlett groaned.

" _That's_ gonna leave a mark," Sam said with a wince, B nodding in agreement next to him.

Moments later, DJ had taken Jo up on his shoulders and the Gophers were parading her around triumphantly; even Beardo looked mildly happy. "Yeah! I'm the greatest!" Jo cheered as she and her team ran around.

"Jo!" Chef called as the team approached him and skid to a halt. "Congratulations soldier," he saluted her, "I'd go to war with you anytime!"

"Thanks," the jock-ette said hesitantly and back on her feet, "I'll try to remember that" She turned her back on him and walked away, rolling her eyes.

"You do that, soldier!" Chef called after her as her team took her away to celebrate. "You do that!" He shed a single tear as he watched her leave.

/

Chef Hatchet, still in his military uniform, stood behind the Killer Bass during the elimination ceremony. "I only have _four_ marshmallows on my plate," Chris began in a dramatic tone. "And these marshmallows represent the campers... that will continue to be... _campers_. Here." Scarlett rolled her eyes while Bridgette and the boys looked nervous.

"You've all cast your ballots in the confession cam," Chris announced. "If I do not call your name, you must immediately go down to the Dock of Shame," the boat was shown waiting at the lake, "catch the Boat of Losers, and _go home_. And you can't come back," his smile quickly became a frown, " _ev-er_!"

The camera panned over the annoyed and anxious faces of the five Bass. "B!" was the first name called out, and the boy pumped his fist and went to grab his treat. "Bridgette! Geoff!" The surfer went up quietly, while the party-boy gave out a short cheer.

"Campers," the host frowned and held up the plate, " _this_ is the final marshmallow of the night." Scarlett and Sam looked at each other, the young woman confident and the young man resigned. "Scarlett."

Sam sighed as his former teammate claimed her prize, and stood up. "Well, can't say I'm surprised," he told the four remaining Bass, "but at least I made it this far!" He shared a fist bump with B upon passing the group.

"We'll miss you, dude," Geoff told him, giving the gamer a pat on the back.

"Sorry we had to vote you out," Bridgette added, hugging the boy.

"Hey, don't worry about it guys!" Sam told them. "To tell you the truth, I voted for me too. I just can't keep going without any video games, I would've just been holding you guys back. Speaking of which, can I have them back now?" He looked at Chef, who had brought the rather large bag of confiscated game consoles and was currently picking through it.

"Not a chance, soldier." The large man said, looking at Sam over his shades. Sam sighed, then slumped away.

He was just about to board the Boat of Losers when he heard a sudden voice. "Sam! Wait!" Dakota cried, running down the dock.

"Hey!" the gamer said with a renewed smile, taking the heiress' hands in his. "You came to see me off!"

"Aww, I'm gonna miss you," Dakota told him, pulling out a slip of paper from her pocket and pushing it at Sam. "Thanks for everything. Call me, 'kay?"

"I may have lost the game," Sam said happily, "but I won the heart of the girl of my dreams!" The two leaned in, and against the light of the moon they kissed.

It ended abruptly when Chef, having abandoned the ex-contestant's games, lifted Sam up by the neck of his shirt and threw him onto the boat. "I'll never forget you!" he called as the boat sped away, the two lovers waving each other goodbye.

/

The music turned ominous as Scarlett stood alone at the campfire, holding her marshmallow deep in the flames. "Four to seven...," she muttered, taking the charred confection out of the fire. Brief flashbacks were shown of Alejandro approaching her with a plan, of them stealing the food in silence, and of their conversation on the cabin porch. The footage cut to static, signaling the start of a confessional.

xxx

It was Alejandro, grinning smugly. "Jo, though difficult to work with, has many traits I can take advantage of," he said as the scene cut outside to reveal Scarlett eavesdropping from the bushes.

"More importantly, Scarlett is as much a challenge as I hoped she would be. As long as I keep pretending to be on her side, sooner or later she'll be eating out of my hand." As Alejandro finished up in the outhouse, Scarlett narrowed her eyes and the confessional cut to static.

xxx

"Keep it together, Scarlett," the redhead told herself in front of the campfire. "Once you can guarantee two or three pieces on your side of the board, you'll be in a position to take down the biggest threat in the game. And then..."

She stared at the still-burning flames on her charred marshmallow, and for a moment her eyes were red.

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hot damn I love this chapter. Chef being Chef, Beardo coming out, Jo actually kinda living up to her own hype, Samkota finally happening, Alejandro and Scarlett butting heads, and that ending... There's a lot to love about this, I think.
> 
> Sam is a gem of a character, but he was never destined to last long in a season like this. I'm proud of what I was able to do with him over the course of the series.
> 
> Not much else for me to say – let me know you own thoughts, and I'll see you all next time!
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (21st Place)
> 
> Ezekiel - (20th Place)
> 
> Sugar - (19th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (18th Place)
> 
> Amy - (17th Place)
> 
> Scott - (16th Place)
> 
> Beth - (15th Place)
> 
> Sierra - (14th Place)
> 
> Topher - (13th Place)
> 
> Sam - (12th Place)


	13. X-Treme Torture

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, it's the end of the first half of the season! Counting by episode number rather than pre- and post-merge, of course. Though even then it's not that different.
> 
> For those who want a reminder, the teams are as follows:
> 
> Killer Bass \- B, Bridgette, Geoff, Scarlett
> 
> Screaming Gophers \- Alejandro, Beardo, Dawn, DJ, Jo, Sammy, Shawn
> 
> \- Fangren

"Last time, on Total Drama Island!" As always, the stock shot of Chris on the docks switched to a series of clips from the previous episode, beginning with Chef explaining the challenge to the teens. "The eleven surviving campers were put through Master Chief Hatchet's _brutal_ boot camp!" The recapitulation of the previous episode skipped straight to the obstacle course, with highlights of the gamer's disastrous attempt at doing battle. "Surprisingly, Sam was the first one sent to the brig by Major Harshness for disorderly conduct after his lack of video games finally got to him."

Sam sitting alone in the dark was shown briefly, before he was visited by his love interest. "Dakota ended up joining him, but rather than _accidentally_ covering him in fish guts, they just talked. Bummer."

The next scene shown was the two unofficial team leaders conversing at dinner, then sneaking up on the Craft Services tent, throwing a few smoke bombs, and raiding the fridge while host and assistant were occupied. "Meanwhile, Scarlett and Alejandro teamed up to cross enemy lines and steal food for their teams, and then had an _interesting_ conversation. And by interesting, I mean _boring_. I mean, come _on_ people, would it kill you to be a little more dramatic? Jeez!"

"Anyway," Chris continued as the scene finally changed to a brief shot of the jock-ette winning the challenge for her team, "Jo finally showed us what she was capable of, and it was Sam who got both the boot, and Dakota's digits." A few shots of the elimination were shown, before the review footage ended and the camera cut to a close-up of the 'Wawanakwa' sign near the docks. The shot panned down to show the host lounging on an Adirondack chair, getting fanned with a large leaf by Dakota and eating marshmallows from a bag.

"And hey," Chris said, "for a nerdy gamer kid, the dude had some sweet moves. Isn't that right, Dakota?" He looked over at the girl, who blushed and averted her eyes. Chris chuckled as the camera moved back onto him. "This week, the campers are pushed to the _extreme_! Who will crack under the pressure? Find out, right now, on Total! Drama! Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

A shot of the camp from the beach opened the episode, the background music beginning lightly as the camera flew up and over to the dining hall. The music deepened as a camera hidden within a dumpster caught the lid being raised and a bear grabbing several unopened packages of marshmallows from inside. It looked around as snoring started to play over the scene, and the bear's closing of the dumpster lid transitioned the footage into a quick shot of Jo snoring in her bed. B and Scarlett were also shown asleep, the young man in a dirty white tank top with spare parts and tools lying around him and his counterpart wearing a sleep mask and with a much more orderly sleeping area. Shawn was the fourth and final camper shown, sleeping in his usual clothes in the branches of a pine tree.

The sound of an airplane flying close by startled him awake with a gasp and a snort, and he shot a look of annoyance below him. A small, battered, and rusty yellow plane flew by; one of its front wheels had been replaced by a ski, and Chris was just barely visible in the cockpit. The marshmallow-stealing bear was shown running away from the commotion, and as Scarlett, Beardo, Dawn, and Sammy came out to check what was going on, Chris made another pass.

"Incoming!" he called out with a grin.

"Scatter!" Scarlett shouted, prompting the four who had been shown previously as well as Bridgette to take off running just before the plane flew through the common area.

"Hah!" Chris cheered, looking backwards then turning to the camera. "Oh man, just wait until I get my Pilot's License!" His eyebrows raised in shock as he crashed right through the confessional outhouse, revealing the bear crouched on the ground behind it, paws over its eyes. It noticed its lack of shelter and the camera and looked embarrassed, then quickly gathered the bags of marshmallows it had dropped and ran.

The plane screeched to a halt, and the camera zoomed in on the smiling host as the visor of his helmet retracted. "Just flexing your muscles for today's," he pulled out a megaphone, "EXTREME SPORTS CHALLENGE!" The final word reverberated loudly, causing Bridgette, Geoff, Beardo, Jo, B, and Dawn to cringe nearby.

"Dude, did you _have_ to do that?" Geoff asked in annoyance, but the host ignored him.

"This week," he told them, "you'll participate in three challenges. First up," he made use of the megaphone again, "EXTREME SOFA-BED SKYDIVING!" The campers looked confused as he continued his explanation. "Contestants will plummet-uhhhh, _skydive_ ," Chris said as the side door of the plane slid open and Chef, dressed in military skydiving gear, looked down upon an unfolded sofa bed on the ground, "onto a waiting sofa-bed target below."

A few springs poked out of the mattress, and Chef made the short hop onto it. He landed on the sofa part, causing the mattress to forcefully retract in on him; Geoff and Bridgette winced at Chef's muffled screams.

"Of course," the host continued, "you'll be skydiving from 5000 feet! _And_ using these!" Grinning evilly, he lifted a pair of ratty old parachute packs up to his window and threw them at the campers' feet. "Our lucky contestants are...," he said as he pulled a piece of paper from his pocket, "Geoff and DJ!"

"Woooo!" Geoff cheered, slapping DJ on the back. "This is _aweso_ _me_ _!_ I've always wanted to go skydiving! They say it's a _huge_ rush, man."

"Yeah, uh, sure," DJ said nervously, "bring it on..."

"Not so fast!" Chris interrupted. "Because the second challenge of the day is, EXTREME RODEO MOOSE RIDING!" The camera panned over to a rather annoyed-looking bull moose in a small pen. "Contestants will rodeo-ride the Great Canadian Bucking Moose for eight seconds, _or_ ," he pointed to his watch before the camera quickly panned over to several campers holding their noses over a large pile of visibly stinking socks, "get hoofed into a giant pile of socks from the Lost and Found!"

"Oh please," Jo scoffed, "I've seen worse piles at the _gym_ _!_ "

Chris quickly put his arm around her and continued his explanation. "It's your lucky day, Jo! You're riding for the Gophers! And Scarlett," the camera cut to Scarlett, B, and Bridgette, "you'll ride for Bass!" The brainiac sighed heavily.

"Oh my," Dawn said, getting a closer look at the penned-in moose, "he's not a very _happy_ moose..."

"And, the final challenge," Chris announced via megaphone, "EXTREME SEADOO WATER SKIING!" The scene cut to a large pool of mud in a clearing the the woods; on the left end was a checkered banner indicating the start and finish, while a pair of ramps and several colored flags were scattered about the middle. On the far shore was the large totem pole with tape-mounted cameras that had been featured in the initial shots of the camp in the very first episode. "Contestants will water ski a race course, grabbing as many flags as they can before crossing the finish line, while a member from the _opposing_ team drives the seadoo."

A flash transitioned the scene back to the campers. "Uh, don't you need _water_ in order to water ski?" Shawn asked hesitantly.

"Not really!" Chris said with a smile through his megaphone. "Check it out!" The camera panned over to Chef, who water skied into view over a small cliff and onto the dry dirt. He screamed as he bounced along the ground, only stopping when he slammed head-first into a large rock face.

"Awesome!" Chris laughed before turning his attention – and megaphone – back to the campers. "Bridgette, you'll ski for Killer Bass!"

"Okay!" the surfer said with forced enthusiasm.

"And Beardo, for the Screaming Gophers!" the host added, finally putting his megaphone down.

The hairy boy made the sound of a ship's bell dinging and gave the host a thumbs up.

"Now for the cool swag!" Chris said, making use of his megaphone once again. "Whoever scores the most challenges gets bragging rights for the night, saves their _butts_ from elimination, _and_ wins a tricked-out multi-massage mobile shower!" The shot quick-panned over to a truck, the trailer of which was partially opened to show the shower facilities within. Chef sat smiling in front of the truck, playing a harp as the sparkling insides of the shower room were shown in a close-up.

"Oh, wow!" Sammy said in awe.

"I _know_ , right?" Chris told her.

"Is that it?" Jo asked. "I mean, I guess the extra _privacy_ is nice, but it's still just a shower. We already _have_ one of those!"

"Yes," Alejandro told her, "we have _one_ of those. Which is _extremely_ disgusting I might add. Believe me, this will be a _welcome_ reward for us when we win."

"Fine," Jo relented with rolled eyes, "it's not like I wasn't going to win this anyway."

The scene cut to the plane's propeller starting up, and the campers getting blown back by the resulting wind. "Okay gang," Chris told them, "chow for brekkie, then report back in twenty minutes for the EXTREME SPORTS CHALLENGE!"

A large cloud of dirt and dust was blown up as the plane took off, leaving Shawn and Bridgette with a hacking cough.

/

Dawn and Sammy were shown walking away from the dining hall together in the distance, with Geoff leaving the building as well before the scene cut inside. Beardo quickly swallowed the last bits of gruel from his bowl, placing it on top of a stack that Chef held before walking over to where Alejandro was seated.

"Yo Al, can I talk to you for a second?" he asked in a hushed tone, sitting down across from the still-eating young man.

Alejandro's eye twitched briefly, but he answered his teammate with a smile. "Of course, amigo! What do you wish to talk about?"

"Well," the hairy boy said slowly, "I think it's time we formed an alliance to get rid of Jo. I mean, probably not _tonight_ , but we can't keep winnin' forever and she's been gettin' on everyone's nerves. So, what with us two bein' the ones with the biggest grudge against her, I figure we could work together and get rid of Jo the next time we can. What do you think?"

Alejandro rubbed his soul patch in thought for a few seconds. "Your offer is intriguing," he told Beardo. "I certainly _would_ like to see Jo gone as soon as possible, and she can't _possibly_ have enough allies to save herself. It would be simple to get enough votes to eliminate her."

"So, we got a deal?" Beardo asked, offering his hand.

"Yes my friend, we have a deal," Alejandro smiled darkly, sealing it with a handshake.

"Cool! Catch you later, man!" Beardo said, walking off. He passed Jo on the way out, and the two exchanged glares.

Once her former rival had left the room, Jo took her own turn at approaching Alejandro. "What were you two talking about?" she asked, casting a suspicious look at her rival.

"Nothing of importance," the young man answered easily. "I believe he was attempting to flirt with me, but he's still quite shy so it's difficult to tell."

"Figures," Jo huffed. "Letting a guy _distract_ him is a sign of weakness. It was a mistake to form an alliance with him."

"Is there... anything _else_ you want?" Alejandro asked her with a hint of impatience.

"Yeah," the tough girl said. "Now, I don't like you and you don't like me, but we're obviously the two strongest players in the game. It's only a matter of time before the others start gunning for us, so how about we form an alliance _now_ and pick them off first?"

Alejandro narrowed his eyes and folded his hands in front of himself. "Go on..."

"Look, with the Mistress of Cryptic Garbage and her two wimpy friends still on the team, the rest of us need to stick together. Shawn's still trying to play the loner, but between the two of us we should be able to get him on our side too."

"I'll admit, I'm interested in your proposal," Alejandro said after a moment. "Who would you have us vote out first?"

"Easy," Jo replied, "we vote out Beardo. He's expendable _and_ annoying, so we should take him out before he joins up with the rest of our loser teammates."

"Sounds like a plan!" the charmer told her with a dark smile.

xxx

"Well," Alejandro confessed in the privacy of the outhouse, "this is certainly an interesting turn of events." He smiled wickedly and rubbed his hands together. "They both think I'm on their side, but one will inevitably betrayed. The only question is: which one?"

xxx

The footage cut back to a distance shot of the plane on the ground, with the two jumpers putting their gear on and the rest of their teams inspecting the sofa beds. "Now remember," Chris told them, "ground teams can wheelie the sofa beds wherever they want in order to help their comrade with the landing."

"You'll be fine, DJ," Dawn told her friend. "I already read the tea leaves, and I saw _no_ signs of danger within them."

"And since there's six of us, moving the sofa bed should be easy, right?" Sammy added.

"Thanks," DJ told them, "I appreciate it. I'm just glad we ain't jumpin' into shark-infested water again."

"Yeah, dude!" Geoff said with a slap on his fellow jumper's back. "Plus, y'know, we got these _sweet_ parachutes! We'll be _fine_ , even if we miss!"

"Just remember," Shawn told them as he inspected the Gophers' sofa, "if your chute doesn't open and you think you're gonna miss, try to _roll_ as you land so you don't get hurt as badly."

"Right on!" Geoff grinned.

/

The shot changed to a high-altitude view across what was implied to be the landscape surrounding the island, a mix of water and chunks of land. The sound of the engine heralded the plane's on-camera arrival, and the viewpoint shifted to get a head-on view of DJ and Geoff as the side door of the plane slid open mid-flight.

"If you could just fill these out!" Chris said over the roar of the plane, leaning out of his seat and pointing to a stack of papers in his hand.

"But," DJ said in alarm, "we already signed insurance forms at the beginning of the show!"

"Yeah," the host countered, "but _these_ are for organ donation! I have this cool cannibal challenge I wanna pitch to the producers, and this'll go a long way toward budgeting free props!"

"No thanks, dude!" Geoff answered. "That seems _way_ too heinous!"

"Suit yourself," Chris smiled. "By the way, the drop's coming up!"

DJ and Geoff cautiously looked out over the island, and an aerial shot of Wawanakwa transitioned the scene to down below. The camera panned down from the trees to reveal the three grounded members of the Killer Bass struggling to move the sofa by themselves.

"Pushing it won't be sufficient," Scarlett stated, taking a break from the task and peering upwards with a hand shielding her eyes. "We need to move more quickly. Bridgette, grab the other end," the brainiac directed, "and B, take the back. If I take this end, we should be able to distribute the weight evenly and lift it up." Her teammates nodded and got into position. Their unofficial leader did so as well, and with a bit of effort they managed to get the sofa off the ground.

"Hey, this isn't so bad!" Bridgette said with a smile. "We can do this!" Her teammates smiled as well, and together they set off down the beach at a much quicker pace.

/

Back in the air, the boys were preparing to jump. "Well dude," Geoff said uncertainly, "I guess it's now or never!" He took a deep breath and flung himself into the air; almost immediately he began to scream.

Still in the relative safety of the plane, DJ winced. "Aww man, I hope he hits the mattress..."

The party-lover's descent was tracked by the camera, and with each passing moment his fear faded into adrenaline-based thrill. "WOOOHOOO!" he cried, helmet over his hat and grin on his face.

Down below, the three Bass hurried to get into position. "A little further east!" Scarlett shouted, eyes focused on her falling teammate.

B quickly extended the bed portion, and the brainiac's estimate was proven accurate. Geoff landed squarely on the extended mattress, his impact enough to force the sofa-bed out of his companion's hands. He uttered one final "Woohoo!" from the small cloud of sand that had been stirred up before the mattress suddenly retracted, carrying the young man with it into the bowels of the sofa.

"Geoff!" Bridgette cried in fear just as the shot cut away from the Killer Bass.

/

"Okay," DJ told himself, "you can do this! Pull the blue cord first, then the red." He put his hand on a the cords dangling from the bottom of his pack, then jumped.

"Or was it the other way around?!" he panicked after mere moments in the air, and pulled at the red cord, which broke away. "Aww, _no_ _!_ " he exclaimed, pulling the blue and having it detach as well. He immediately began screaming and flailing as the camera panned down to the beach.

Beardo began an air siren as he pointed to the sky. "Incoming this way!" he told the others, motioning for the five to move with him.

"No, he's coming _this_ way!" Jo countered, pulling the sofa in the opposite direction.

"Please," Alejandro told them as DJ's screams of terror grew louder, "we must move _quickly_!"

The gentle giant was shown again, having somehow managed to deploy his parachute. With little control over his descent, he ended up nearly at the mercy of the wind as he swayed back and forth.

"Oh no!" Sammy cried. "We have to save him!"

"Yeah," Jo grunted as she struggled for control of the sofa, "but he's headed _this_ way!"

The cheerleader growled in frustration. "You're not _helpin_ _g_ _!_ "

As DJ approached the ground, it was Shawn who gave up first. "Sorry, dude!" he called out to his terrified teammate. "Looks like you're gonna miss the sofa, so I think you're supposed to land on your side to reduce the impact!"

Another scream signaled absolutely nothing from the large young man, but after a few sways his path seemed to stabilize and he managed to touch down. Too shaken to keep on his feet, he inadvertently followed Shawn's advice by collapsing onto his side as the parachute dragged him a few more feet. Naturally, Sammy and Dawn were the first pair to chase after him.

"Uggh," Shawn glared at Jo, Alejandro, and Beardo, "we're lucky he landed okay. You three _really_ need to stop arguing all the time." He turned and went to catch up with DJ.

/

Chris' plane flew over a few trees before circling around past the campers. "Gophers lose, Bass win! 1-0!" he announced through his megaphone.

"Man," DJ said as he dusted himself off and removed his pack, "I'm glad I made it and all, but that is _not_ somethin' I wanna do again."

"Too bad you didn't land on the mattress though," Sammy said idly, "not that it's your fault, of course."

Dawn nodded. "Hopefully our team will not be brought down by our inability to work together for the greater good."

/

"Okay cowpokes!" Chris announced as the footage skipped ahead. "Let's start the rodeo moose chal-len-ge!"

"Don't worry!" Geoff said cheerily over a shot of the penned-in moose. "Rodeo ridin's easy, just gotta feel the flow!" The four members of the Bass were shown making their approach. "Kinda like surfin', I guess!" Geoff added with a wink towards Bridgette.

"I doubt it's that simple," Scarlett sighed as she sized up the animal she was to ride. "Especially if I'm to ride bareback on an animal which _clearly_ hasn't been domesticated."

"I'm sure you'll do fine!" Bridgette told her as the redhead climbed the small ladder on the side of the pen.

She carefully lowered herself onto the large deer's back, and grabbed a few tufts of hair around its neck. "Okay, as long as I maintain my grip I should be able to-"

As she spoke, the moose's eyes were shown becoming narrow and angry. Chef reached a trembling hand toward the latch on the pen gate, and as soon as it was lifted the moose charged forward, rider in mid-sentence. Chef fell with a pained scream, and Scarlett clung to the animal's back as best she could while crying in alarm. The moose bucked once and failed to shake its rider, but loosened her grip enough for the second to send her flying – straight into the host, who had his eyes firmly on a stopwatch.

B, Geoff, and Bridgette winced as both were shown lying on the ground. "Hey!" Chris shouted angrily. "You could've at least landed in the _sock pile_ like you were _supposed_ to!" Scarlett could only groan in response.

Unexpectedly, the footage paused. "Hold up, stop right there!" Chris' voice said in annoyance. "Let's just rewind a bit and run the scene back _slowly_." At his command, the footage rewound to just before Scarlett entered the scene. "I'm _embarrassed_ ," he said as the shot stopped moments before the impact. He scribbled over Scarlett with a pink marker, then did the same with his body save a circle around his face. "This is _terrible_ , even _before_ I got hit! I mean, just look at me! Can we just please get a decent budget together for hair and make-up?! I might as well have already gotten rammed into! _Y_ _e_ _e_ _sh_ _!_ "

A few seconds of static, and the footage picked up where it had left off. "I mean, _seriously_ _?_ " Chris exclaimed. "You are _so_ out! Jo, you're up, and do better than she did!"

"No problem!" Jo said cockily, cracking both her knuckles and a smirk.

/

A lilting tune played behind a shot of a pink bird singing on a branch next to a very tired-looking squirrel. The squirrel looked over and went to slap the bird, but it dodged and pecked the rodent off of the branch and resumed singing. Transition over, the camera panned down to show Jo firmly on top of the moose, Chef standing ready at the gate.

"This'll be a _breeze_ ," the jock-ette boasted. "Unlike the Living Computer on the other team, _I'm_ not a pushover," she patted the moose on its head, "so don't make me _ma_ _d_ _!_ "

The moose took great offense to her remarks, his eyes going red and nostrils flaring. "Sweet Mother of-" was all Chef could get out before the bull moose busted straight through the gate, leaving the large man reeling in the dirt.

"Ahahahahaha, yeah!" Jo cried, holding firmly to her mount's antlers as it furiously tried to get rid of her. They went back and forth around the clearing being used, and even barreled through the other campers. Most of them yelled in panic and ran out of the way; Alejandro added a few rapid-fire curses in Spanish while Beardo laid on an imitated car horn and shook his fist angrily at his former ally.

"Sorry!" Jo called back insincerely, facing forwards again and giving the moose a quick pat on the head. "You'll have to better than that if you wanna shake _this_ girl!" The moose gave another angry snort.

The hectic background music was temporarily broken by a light classical piece as the marshmallow-loving bear from earlier in the episode was shown again, preparing to eat the food it had gathered. The mood was shattered by Jo and the moose charging through and trampling the pile of sweets. "Hah!" Jo laughed mockingly, encouraging the bruin to let loose a furious roar and chase after her.

"Ah, crap...," she muttered as she looked behind her. The scene cut back to the waiting campers, who quickly took notice of the girl's return and scattered once again.

/

The footage skipped ahead to a shot of a red all-terrain vehicle skidding to a halt. "Well, with _that_ taken care of," Chris said in an unamused tone, revealed to be the driver of the ATV, "it looks like the teams are tied up!" A smile came back to his face, and he resumed his usual demeanor as he continued. "Whoever wins the EXTREME SEADOO WATER SKI CHAL-LENGE," the shot zoomed out to show him and the campers – Jo looking particularly worse for wear - around the predesignated mud pit, "wins invincibility!"

A trumpet fanfare alerted the campers as Beardo strolled into the scene in his instrument-printed swim trunks. He walked in exaggerated slow-motion, and shot awkward finger pistols at the boys as he passed them by. All five of them gave him confused looks as the view point moved out and revealed that the hairy lad's slow motion wasn't an effect.

"I... think _I_ shall take responsibility for driving for our team," Alejandro said slowly as he watched Beardo walk past in exaggerated slowness.

Shawn, who was standing closest, shrugged. "It's all you, dude."

xxx

"Okay, so the teams are tied," Bridgette confessed. "B's gonna drive Beardo, and I'm skiing, so both of us have to pull through for us to win. No pressure!" She laughed nervously, then took a deep breath to steel herself. "But seriously, I've water skied before, this should be a _snap_."

xxx

"Excuse me a moment," Scarlett said, grabbing her teammate's arm as she walked past. Bridgette had already changed into her wetsuit, and was eyeing the course.

"What is it?" the surfer asked. "Come up with a good strategy?"

"I wouldn't put it like that," the redhead answered, "but I _do_ have some advice for you: try to ignore Alejandro. He's almost certainly going to attempt to distract you.

Bridgette looked over at the boy who was to drive her. He caught her looking and winked, causing her to blush and look away. "Good point. I'll keep my eyes on the flags."

/

The next scene showed Bridgette on the skis and holding the tow rope. The camera panned over to Alejandro on the ramshackle seadoo; he smiled back and her and said "Though you are on the other team, I wish you good luck!"

Bridgette blushed and averted her gaze as Chris drove slowly past on his ATV. "Here's the road rules." he announced. "Oh wait! There _are_ no rules! Which means, this is gonna be _awesom_ _e_ _!_ "

The footage flashed ahead to the start of the challenge. "Aaaaand... go!" Chris called with a wave of a flag, and Alejandro narrowed his eyes. He revved the engine and accelerated, nearly causing Bridgette to fall over; to his irritation, the experienced surfer was able to stay balanced with ease, though her legs did get splattered with mud.

The driver briefly looked back at his opponent before taking the seadoo over the first ramp; Bridgette quickly bent down and picked up the flag standing at the end.

"Flag One for the Bass!" Chris announced via a pair of loudspeakers taped to the central totem pole by which the other teens waited. Geoff and B shared an excited high five as their teammate landed off the ramp and continued to be pulled along.

Alejandro frowned. "Has anyone ever told you how graceful you are in the water?" he called back over the roar of the engine. "Or mud, as it were?"

"I'm sorry, did you say something?" Bridgette yelled back, raising her head as she picked up another flag.

The charmer quickly looked forward to hide his scowl. He was approaching the bend, and decided to take the curve tight. It wasn't enough to shake Bridgette, however, as she leaned out to make up the difference and snatch another flag. "No!" Alejandro groaned, and the footage skipped ahead to show the blonde with several flags clutched in her hand.

"Four flags and counting!" Chris announced over the loudspeaker again before the scene cut from the non-competitors back to the host as he followed Alejandro and Bridgette from the shore. "Alejandro will be _disqualified_ if he doesn't cross the finish line, but when he does, Bridgette will score all the flags she's gathered home for the Killer Bass!"

Alejandro grimaced, and the camera panned ahead first to one final flag, and then to the finish line.

xxx

"I wasn't about to cause our team to lose," Alejandro admitted in the confessional with a shrug, "so I did what needed to be done."

xxx

The handsome man took a breath, then swung himself around on the seadoo so he was facing backwards. "Bridgette!" he called out, slowly standing up and taking hold of the unbuttoned edges of his shirt, "I don't suppose I could tempt you with _this_ _?_ "

Just as his blonde-haired foe was preparing to pick up the last flag, Alejandro bared his incredibly well-toned chest to her. For a moment, even the footage slowed down to focus on the teen's body, which had been given a golden aura to emphasize its perfection.

Bridgette's eyes went wide, and she shuddered. "I...," she flustered, "I... no! No, I have to ignore you!" She struggled to turn her gaze away but failed, and resorted to shielding her view with her free hand – and the flags. The damage had already been done, though, as she sped unwittingly past the final flag.

Alejandro looked disappointed by the outcome, but a sudden jolt to the seadoo as it hit a small rock forced him to turn back around and regain control. Both he and Bridgette passed beneath the finish line.

"Despite a _brilliant_ display from Alejandro,"' Chris commented as he finished his own circuit around the mud pit, "Bridgette's managed to bring in four flags for her team!" The three other members of the Killer Bass congratulated their friend, Geoff even giving his crush an excited hug. "That means the Gophers will need to pick up all five if they wanna win!"

/

Some time later, Beardo and B had taken their positions for the final challenge. Beardo was looking confident, while the silent boy seemed more interested in the contents of his coat than anything else.

"Ready!" Chris began from nearby. "Set! Rrride it like it's sweeps week, _G_ _o_ _!_ "

The engine revved, and the seadoo took off. They quickly went over the first ramp, and Beardo made a short, triumphant blast from a horn as he snagged the first flag, then splashed down hard into the mud.

"Flag one!" Chris announced over the loudspeakers, and the Gophers cheered. "Flag two!" he added over another triumphant horn from Beardo, and the camera cut to the two boys coming up on the bend and third flag.

B narrowed his eyes, sighed, and took a pocket knife out of his coat. With one hand steering the seadoo, he reached the other one back and began cutting through the tow line. Beardo let out a series of alarmed dings and began to pull himself closer to the seadoo. The footage slowed down as they reached the curve; the fraying portion of the tow line was shown in a close-up, its fibers snapping one by one thanks to B's knife. Shortly after the middle of the curve the footage sped up again, the line snapped, and Beardo was sent flying out of the mud pit with a scream.

"Looks like Beardo's been cut loose!" Chris exclaimed. "All B has left to do is cross the finish line!"

B smirked, twirled his knife a few times, and stowed it back in his coat. He piloted the seadoo across the banner without an issue, bringing it to a stop on land just in front of his team.

"Well, _that_ was anticlimactic," the host said to himself as he brought his ATV to a rolling stop on the shore.

"Bass win!" came Chris' voice over the loudspeakers for a final time. Geoff, Bridgette, and even Scarlett smiled widely and looked over at their prize, the truck and trailer sparkling in the sunlight.

"You rock, dude!" Geoff cheered as B rejoined his team.

"That was _amazi_ _ng_ _!_ " Bridgette added, hugging the big guy around the neck.

Scarlett crossed her arms and smirked. "Simple, but effective. Excellent work, B."

The camera cut over to the Gophers. "Dude, you gonna be alright?" DJ called out to Beardo, who was still lying on the ground. He shot a thumbs up, but groaned and flopped his arm back down.

DJ winced, but Jo snorted. "Just leave him, _he's_ the reason we lost."

Alejandro sighed. "Looks like I won't be getting that shower after all."

xxx

"Showers are overrated," Shawn confessed dismissively. "They only make you smell better to the _livi_ _ng_ _!_ You wanna fool the undead, you need to _stink_." He smelled his left armpit, then watched in shock as a fly got too close and dropped out of the air.

xxx

The scene cut back to outside the communal bathroom, the host walking into view from the right. "The Gophers have been left out in the open, and must now decide who to leave behind, while the Bass totally scored some much-needed showers." Chris turned his head as the camera panned left, showing Bridgette and Scarlett leaving the steaming shower truck in bathrobes and towels.

"Looks like it's our turn, brah!" Geoff told B, bumping fists and jogging into the trailer.

/

"Hey Al, we still down for votin' off Jo tonight?" Beardo asked; the two boys were alone in their side of the Gopher cabin as the hairier one changed back into his usual attire and the prettier one performed post-challenge personal maintenance.

"Certainly!" Alejandro answered swiftly, smile masking his slight facial twitch. "And don't worry about the other votes, I'll take care of that myself. I'll persuade those still on the fence to vote for Jo, have no doubt."

"Thanks, man!" Beardo said with a smile. "I knew I could count on you!"

The charmer smiled back. "I assure you, it is no problem. I'll see you later, amigo." Alejandro left his teammate to his business, and exited to the common area.

And as soon as he stepped off the porch, he was grabbed by Jo and pulled around the corner of the cabin.

"We're voting the Human Soundboard off tonight, got it?" she whispered gruffly.

"But of course!" Alejandro answered just as quickly as he had before. "I was about to seek you out myself to ask if there was anyone else you wanted to talk to before hand, to secure the other votes we'll need!"

"Hmm," Jo thought, "good call. Almost makes up for your failure to knock out Malibu Bridgette. If you can get those votes yourself, then _maybe_ I'll let you off the hook."

Alejandro sighed. "Very well." As soon as Jo left, a devilish smile formed on his face.

/

"So anyway," DJ told the girls sitting at the picnic table across from him, "that's when I-"

"Hello my friends!" came a familiar voice, the camera panning over to catch Alejandro approaching the trio. "Sorry for intruding upon your conversation, but I wanted to discuss tonight's elimination with you."

DJ and Sammy looked at each other and raised their eyebrows, while Dawn became suddenly anxious. "Well, I suppose we _do_ owe you one for helping to eliminate Amy...," the mystic said quietly.

"Oh yeah," Sammy said, "I never really thanked you for that, did I?"

"It was nothing!" Alejandro said with a wave of his hand. "I was _happy_ to help, and even happier to accept Dawn's gracious offer!"

"So, who you want us to vote for?" DJ asked.

"Simple," Alejandro told them as he took a seat at their table. "I would like the three of you to vote for..."

The scene faded to black before the charmer finished his sentence.

/

The Campfire Ceremony began as it typically did, with the losing team seated on the stumps and the host in possession of a plate of marshmallows. "As you know," Chris opened, "if you do not receive a marshmallow you will be forced to walk the Dock of Shame, and you can never, ever return to Camp." The camera passed over the largely tired Gophers, lingering on Beardo and Jo as they glared at one another before cutting back to the handsome host's close-up.

He reached for a pair of marshmallows off the plate which had been placed atop the podium. "Samey and DJ, you're safe!" The two friends smiled at each other and went up to claim their prizes. "Shawn and Dawn, same goes for you." Both campers quickly darted off-screen and returned with marshmallows in hand.

"Alejandro, you too are not going home tonight," Chris said, tossing the penultimate treat across the campfire. It was caught easily, but the young man declined to eat it.

"Okay!" the host continued cheerily. "That leaves Beardo, who failed due to B's coat of tools," the hairy lad made a 'sad trombone' sound effect, "and Jo, who's basically been a pain in everyone's butt all season."

"Hey, I'm here to _win_ ," the girl said to her team, "not make friends. If you can't handle that, that's _your_ problem, not mine."

"Yeah, well," Chris said, "it looks like you have once _again_ dodged the bullet. You're safe."

" _Wha_ _t_ _?!_ " Beardo exclaimed, standing in alarm.

"Yes, I know these things can be a shock," the host told him, ushering the boy away from the campfire pit.

xxx

"I know Alejandro and Dawn want me to vote for Beardo," DJ confessed, "but I can't just blindside a brother like that. Sorry, but I'm votin' for Jo." He stuck the ballot he was holding into a wooden box.

xxx

"Well," Sammy said hesitantly in her turn at voting that night, "I _do_ owe Alejandro for helping get rid of my sister, so I guess I'm voting for Beardo. Nothing personal, though!"

xxx

Alejandro was the next shown in the confessional. "Despite his recent trend of _defiling_ my name," he explained, "my vote for Beardo is purely strategic. With so few of us left in the game, the teams are likely to be dissolved any day now! And once that happens, Jo's abrasiveness will be a useful tool. So nothing personal." He held his neutral expression for a moment more before bursting out into raucous laughter.

xxx

The hairy young man began a funeral dirge as he walked down towards the docks. He stopped to look back, and saw that the remaining Gophers had come to see him off, and even the Bass had decided to join in. "Well, it was really nice to meet all of you," he told them. "Well, _most_ of you anyway. Catch you all later."

Jo scowled and rolled her eyes, then Alejandro stepped forward to accompany the young man down the Dock of Shame.

"Man, I guess you weren't able to convince the others to vote for Jo, were you?" Beardo muttered.

"Yes, it is such a shame," Alejandro answered him. "It seems there just weren't enough people who were on your side tonight!"

"I thought for sure that DJ and the other girls would vote for Jo," the scruffy teen lamented, "but I guess I was wrong." He sighed, then imitated the sound of a particularly well-known 1980s video game character's death

"If it's any consolation," the charmer told him as they reached the end of the dock and Beardo hopped on to the Boat of Losers, "they probably _would_ have voted for Jo had I not asked them to vote for you instead."

Beardo's eyes immediately went wide, and he began a series of shocked bells, whistles, and sirens. Chef snickered from his place aboard the boat, quickly sailing off before his angry passenger could retaliate. Back at the dock, Alejandro waved him off with a dark grin.

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there we have it – the last pre-merge boot is Beardo. Why him? Well, past-me was dead set on having the numbers and ratios at this stage be the same as in canon, which meant 4 Bass, 6 Gophers, and an equal number of boys and girls. Which meant that the Gophers needed a loss here, and one of their boys needed to go home. And as much as I enjoyed Beardo... the others had more left to do in the story.
> 
> Oh well. He had a damn good run, I think. Plus that backstab from Alejandro was probably the first time I was able to make use of the Arch Villain's classic 'gloating on the way out' habit. And hey, I was also able to work in the 'Al' thing too!
> 
> So, yeah. I'm still really happy with how things went. And, of course, I hope the same from all of you.
> 
> Let me know what you thought, and I'll see you all next time.
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (21st Place)
> 
> Ezekiel - (20th Place)
> 
> Sugar - (19th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (18th Place)
> 
> Amy - (17th Place)
> 
> Scott - (16th Place)
> 
> Beth - (15th Place)
> 
> Sierra - (14th Place)
> 
> Topher - (13th Place)
> 
> Sam - (12th Place)
> 
> Beardo - (11th Place)


	14. The Brunch of Disgustingness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want a reminder, the teams are as follows:
> 
> Killer Bass \- B, Bridgette, Geoff, Scarlett
> 
> Screaming Gophers \- Alejandro, Dawn, DJ, Jo, Sammy, Shawn
> 
> \- Fangren

"Last time, on Total Drama Island! Jo and Beardo each formed an alliance to get rid of each other with the _same_ person," the host opened over a clip of the two Gophers' dealings with their handsome teammate.

"DJ and Geoff took to the skies, but neither landed _quite_ as planned." The second set of clips showed the two boys jumping from the plane for the challenge, with the party-lover hitting his target but then getting crushed while the gentle giant drifted away from his arguing team.

"Jo proved how tough she was by hanging on during the moose ride," the jock-ette's rodeo ride was shown briefly, "and then some," as were her encounter with the bear.

"Alejandro turned his charms on Bridgette," the teen's bare chest was followed by both crossing the finish line, "but was unable to stop B from cutting Beardo loose," the loss of the Gophers was replayed, "and when it was time to cast the votes, it was _Beardo_ who ended up getting blindsided by his team." The final scenes of the recap covered Alejandro's talk with Dawn and Sammy, the hairy boy's surprise elimination, and Alejandro's revelation of betrayal at the end of the dock.

The scene cut to a close-up of Chris, quickly zooming out to show him at the docks as per usual. "And now, let's see what's in store for our campers on this week's episode of Total! Drama! Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

A flock of geese flew in formation across the sky, the sun just barely the height of the hills in the background. A cut to the mess hall showed Chris and Chef waiting smugly at the entrance as the Gophers filed inside.

"Yo, where's the food at?" DJ asked as he entered behind Jo and Alejandro.

"Hey, don't worry about it!" Chris told him. "You'll get plenty of food later on, so just sit tight." His hulking assistant began to snicker quietly, the host joining in as the rest of the Screaming Gophers walked by.

"What's so funny, dude?" Geoff asked, the first of the Bass to arrive. "I miss a joke or what?" His confusion caused another fit of stifled laughter from the two adults, prompting the boy to shrug and go on his way. Bridgette came in on his tail, joined by Scarlett and B to round out the Killer Bass.

"Congratulations to the remaining ten campers for reaching the half-way mark in the competition," Chris announced, still holding back a few chuckles. "You'll all be on the jury for the final episode."

Scarlett adjusted her glasses as the boys on her team exchanged a high five. "Excellent," she remarked, "it's about time."

"The two teams will become _one_ next week," the host continued, "but first! All the girls will be moved to the Gopher cabin," the viewpoint shifted to show Bridgette and Scarlett glancing across the room at Jo, Dawn, and Sammy, "and all the guys will stay in the Bass cabin." The camera panned a foot past Bridgette's head to show DJ, Alejandro, and Shawn shooting looks of mild surprise at Geoff and B.

"This week's challenge is as old as history itself," Chris explained with a dark look, "a battle of the sexes!" Alejandro sent a wink across the room, causing Scarlett to scowl. "After everyone is settled in, I'll announce the challenge. And then," the host said with a flash of excitement, "you'll have a, uh, bite to... _eat_..." Another bout of chuckling from the two staff members earned suspicious looks from both teams.

"Ready for a little good news? This week, no one will be kicked off!" Chris announced to the cheers of the ten campers. "It's all for reward, and it's a _good_ one. Okay," he clapped as the teens stood up, "time to relocate! Let's move!"

As the campers left off-screen, Chris and Chef shared another glance and snickered for a fourth time.

/

The camera focused in on Bridgette as the campers walked back to the cabins. She shared a smile with Geoff as he and B walked by, then Scarlett matched pace with her.

"Is it safe to assume we'll be sticking together from now on?" she asked quickly. "Because although I _am_ willing to work with the other girls for this challenge, I don't know very them well, and as such I'm not ready to trust them to the same degree to which I trust you."

"Well yeah," Bridgette answered, "I don't see any reason for us to stop being friends just because of this. And besides, the other girls can't be _that_ bad, can they?"

At that moment, Jo approached them from behind. "Ladies!" she began, putting an arm around each of the former Bass. "I hope you two are prepared to do what it takes to win, because I'm not gonna tolerate any _weakness_ on _my_ team!" She didn't wait for an answer, merely patting them hard on the back and rushing ahead.

"...Well, except maybe Jo," Bridgette said with a smile.

/

The footage skipped ahead to the Bass girls taking a final leave of their former cabin. Scarlett left first with her bag, and as Bridgette made to leave a few moments later she accidentally bumped into Geoff.

"Whoa, sorry about that!" the fun-lover said, taking a step forward as his crush stepped back. "Just wanted to say," he began, putting a hand on his neck, "y'know, it was real nice bein' on the same team as you, and workin' together on stuff."

"Yeah," the surfer answered shyly, "I'm glad we got to know each other as much as we did."

"Yeah, me too!" Geoff said. "Oh! S-sorry, you go."

"Because I..." Bridgette said. "Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off..."

They paused and smiled at one another, and leaned in. The sweet-sounding background music which had covered the blondes' shared moment came to a sudden and screeching halt as Chris popped in through the open door and snatched Bridgette away by the arm. "Big day ahead of us!"

"I'll miss you...," Geoff muttered to himself before feeling a hand on his shoulder.

"Do not fret, amigo," Alejandro told him. "The two of you shall see each other again soon. For now, though," his smile faded into a more imploring look, "where can I put my things?"

/

Bridgette was shown walking across the common area, a few yards behind Scarlett. The blonde lingered a few moments on the steps of her new cabin, looking at the open door with hesitance.

xxx

"Okay, so I _was_ kind of worried," Bridgette confessed. "I mean, I don't buy into the idea that guys get along better than girls do, but Jo _does_ seem hard to get along with even if the others have been pretty nice. But hey, at least I know I can count on Scarlett!"

xxx

"Excuse me," came the familiar voice of the redheaded brainiac, "but could you please remove what appears to be your dirty laundry and other assorted belongings from the three spare beds? We'll be sleeping in two of them."

"Yeah, just toss 'em over, I'll put 'em away," Jo replied, not moving an inch from her top bunk.

"Umm, no," Scarlett told her. "If they belong to you, then they're _your_ responsibility. Nobody should have to pick up after you if you aren't willing to do so yourself."

"What's the big deal?" the jock-ette scoffed. "It's just some dirty clothes and underwear, it's not like anybody was _using_ those beds."

"Err, is there something wrong?" Bridgette asked, drawing the other girls' attention to her.

"Yes," Scarlett answered her long-time teammate immediately, "Jo has failed to keep her belongings to a confined area, and refuses to clear them to give us the space we need."

"Who cares?!" Jo protested. "They weren't being _used_ until a few minutes ago!"

"Yes," Scarlett countered, "but you've had already had several minutes you could have used to pick up your things. And you two," she turned her gaze towards Dawn and Sammy, "should have told her to take responsibility for her things instead of letting it fall on _me_."

"Well," the cheerleader explained apologetically, "Jo's _never_ done what we ask her to before, so..."

"Oh yes," Dawn added, casting a wary and unflinching look at her new roommates, "Jo has had issues with taking orders and admitting to being wrong ever since she was a child."

"Hey, can it with the aura crap!" Jo yelled at the smaller young woman, who never turned her head away from Scarlett.

"Okay, let's all calm down here," Bridgette said, stepping into the room with arms spread. "We're a _team_ , so we need to work _together_. Jo, how would you feel if it _you_ had to clean someone else's laundry off your new bed?"

Jo opened her mouth to speak, but closed it after a moment and scowled. " _Fine_ ," she grunted, hopping down from her top bunk, "if you two are gonna be too _lazy_ , I guess I'll do it myself..."

"Thank you," Bridgette said as the jock-ette picked up the scattered belongings from the empty set of beds. "That wasn't so bad! I'm sure we're getting along _just_ as well as the guys are!"

/

The scene cut over to the former Bass cabin, where the sounds of music and laughter could be heard from inside. A pair of glasses clinked together, the camera pulling back to show them in the hands of Geoff and Alejandro.

"Rock that soda pop, brotha!" DJ said happily as he and B danced by a modified turntable and Shawn stood awkwardly nearby.

Alejandro took a sip of his drink and smiled. "Not my _usual_ fare, but-"

He was cut off by his new teammate downing his own glass and unleashing a belch so mighty that it shook the cabin, and was even felt far enough outside that branches fell from trees and a pair of squirrels ran scared. Geoff cleared his throat and gave a cocky smile at the other boys, all of whom were wide-eyed with shock.

"Dude, that was somethin' _els_ _e_ _!_ " DJ told him.

"...Yes, it was," Alejandro agreed after a second, "although I would prefer it if you refrained from doing that again. No offense, of course."

"None taken, dude!" Geoff said, patting the boy on the shoulder. "Gotta keep that power under control, I get it. Don't wanna scare the girls _too_ bad before we beat 'em."

"...Yes, that is _exactly_ what I meant," the charmer quickly covered.

"Okay," Shawn piped up, "if it weren't for the very real chance of that _raising the dead_ , I'd probably be impressed. Where did you learn to _do_ that?"

Geoff grinned. "It was my big bro. He taught me how to belch almost as good as he can! Too bad I never got the hang of all the _tricks_ he could do, though."

"Yes, it is truly a _shame_ ," Alejandro said to himself.

/

"Excuse me," Scarlett asked, pausing as she put away her things to look over at Dawn, "but could you _please_ explain why you're staring at me?"

"I'm just looking at your aura," Dawn stated with an uncharacteristic edge to her voice. "It's very-"

Before the mystic could finish her sentence, Scarlett had dashed forward and placed a hand over the blonde's mouth. "Regardless of what you may or may not know about me," she said harshly, "I ask that you respect my privacy and _refrain_ from revealing it to the others. I'd rather my personal information remain undisclosed until a time of _my_ choice, thank you."

Dawn said nothing, and the two girls locked eyes in a split-screen shot that lasted a few moments before the blonde huffed and looked away.

"Huh, it actually worked!" Jo exclaimed in mild delight. "Why didn't _I_ think of doing that?"

"Agreed," Scarlett said, "you _should_ have. I had thought anyone who cared about their privacy would have put a stop to such behavior earlier, but once again it seems my expectations have been set too high."

Jo frowned. "Hey, what's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Whoa, okay there," Bridgette said, getting between her teammates once again. "We have our differences, but there's nothing we can't work out once we get to know each other. Scarlett's really nice once you get to know her," she explained to the former Gophers before turning to face her longest friend, "and I'm sure Dawn only does what she thinks is best."

"Thank you for the compliment," Scarlett told her, "but I'm afraid her 'doing what she thinks is best' is no excuse for violating another person's privacy without their permission. How would you feel if she had divulged _your_ secrets?"

"But I _don't_ reveal other people's secrets," Dawn protested, "I only try to explain to people why they are the way they are!"

Scarlett crossed her arms. "Be that as it may, it still shouldn't be done without _permission_. Right, Bridgette?"

"Err...," the blonde began, "yeah, I guess? I mean, I think it would be pretty cool to learn more about myself, but I can see why you don't like it."

"You know," Dawn told her, "if you'd like, I can read your aura later, after the challenge."

"Thanks, Dawn, I'd like that!" Bridgette smiled. "I'm glad we worked that out, we'll be beating the guys in no time!"

"Yeah," Jo said, motioning to the blonde trio, "as long as _you_ three don't let the guys _distract_ you!"

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Bridgette said in offense. To the side, in the bed beneath Dawn, Sammy sighed sadly.

/

The footage cut to a brief shot of the dining hall, before showing the ten campers standing in front of a clipboard-holding Chris. "It's time," he announced as the viewpoint rotated to his front, showing Chef standing beside him, "for today's challenge!"

"Uh, are we gonna get something to eat anytime soon?" Shawn immediately raised a hand to interrupt.

The two grown men snickered to each other once again, earning annoyed looks from the campers. "I guess we should tell them," Chris told his assistant, "today's challenge is... the _Brunch_ of _Disgustingness_!" Dramatic music played as the camera zoomed in on the grinning host.

"You'll be getting a nine course meal," he explained as the shot panned across five covered plates on each of the two tables. "Each member of each team _must_ finish each dish." The campers looked at their companions with worry. "You will not know if the next dish is _grosser_ than the last, _not_ as gross or _just_ as gross!" Chris milked each word, both he and his assistant reveling in what was to come. "Just, that it will likely be, _gross_."

"Tell them what they'll get if they win, Chris!" Chef said excitedly, his lines accompanied by a game show jingle.

"The winning team," Chris obliged, "spends two days at a local 5-star resort where," an image of a black woman lying chest-down and getting a massage appeared in the bottom-right corner, "they'll be pampered, eat gourmet nosh," a picture of a white woman dangling a shrimp above her open mouth appeared in the upper-left corner, " _and_ be given antibiotics against anything they may have caught while participating in this challenge!" The upper-right and lower-left corners each gained pictures as well; the former showing a frowning white man in a hospital gown about to receive an injection in his buttocks, while the latter merely showed a picturesque sunset at a beach, complete with palm trees.

The pictures faded and were replaced by Chris again, fake sadness in his voice and mannerisms. "The losing team will go hungry tonight, and spend the next two days _here_ , on Total Drama Island, with Chef." He pointed to the large man, who adopted a wild and sadistic grin and waved at the terrified campers.

"An eating contest? No problem!" Jo boasted. "No _way_ we can lose!"

xxx

Alejandro opened his confessional with a sigh. "I have been dreading a challenge such as this. You see, my body is my temple, and no temple keeper would dare contaminate _this_." He tore open his shirt to reveal his bare chest, flexing his pecs and waggling his eyebrows at the camera.

xxx

The static transitioned into a shot of all ten campers in their seats, the girls at the former Gopher table and the guys at what had belonged to the Bass. "Well boys," Jo called, getting Geoff and the others to look over, "I hope you like the taste of defeat, 'cause that's _all_ that'll be left once this is over!"

"Yeah, well," Shawn countered, "I've been training to survive a zombie apocalypse my whole life, I can handle things _way_ worse than a disgusting food challenge!"

"Let's begin the challenge!" Chris said eagerly. "First, some hors d'oeuvres!" He motioned forwards, and Chef lifted the covers off the plates in front of Shawn and DJ. Under each was a pile of grayish-brown lumps of meat, shaped like short and thick sausages.

"What are these, some kinda meatballs?" the survivalist asked, picking one up and pinching it between two fingers.

"Sort of," Chris told him, "if you wanna be technical about it. But these are a bit _special_."

The camera quick-panned over to Chef, who held up one with a smile. "It's beef testicle, bourguignon."

A shot of a bull crying on the ground with its forelegs over its eyes was shown briefly before cutting back to Shawn, who looked suddenly alarmed at what he was holding.

" _Testicle_ _s_ _?!_ " Alejandro said next to him, looking ready to vomit.

Bridgette, Dawn, and Sammy were shown looking disgusted at the first course as well, the camera pulling back to put the girls in the background with B and Geoff in the foreground. "I don't know if I can do this to my bovine brother," the party-lover sighed as he held up one of his own 'appetizers'. B nodded his agreement.

On the other side of their table, Alejandro grimaced as he brought one of the testicles close to his face; Shawn hesitantly started eating one, and DJ shed a single tear. "It's the hardest thing a man can do," Chris said sadly.

xxx

Jo began her confessional with raucous laughter. "This! This is the greatest thing that's happened to me all season! This is gonna be even _easier_ than I thought!"

xxx

The footage cut back to Jo happily popping the testicles into her mouth like they were potato chips. "Hey," she said loudly and with a devilish look, "these aren't half bad! It's almost unbelieva- _bu_ _ll_ _!_ " She chuckled at her own pun, and continued eating.

"Agreed," Scarlett said next to her. "While it certainly isn't something I'm used to, that's primarily due to cultural biases. As I recall," she said as she started to chew another piece, "they're actually quite _common_ in several culinary traditions."

"Well," Sammy said with a forced and entirely uncertain smile, "that's... good to know..." She winced as she took a bite.

The four more squeamish boys whimpered and looked at their plates again. "Oh come on," Shawn told them, "are you just gonna let them win like this! Yeah, it's kinda gross, but it could be worse! These could be _human_ testicles!" Geoff and B shared a look, and tentatively began to eat.

"You two!" Jo barked at Bridgette and Dawn, neither of whom had touched their plates. "Get eating already!"

"But I'm a _vegetarian_!" Bridgette lamented.

"So am I!" added Dawn.

"Who cares?!" Jo told them. "Just _eat_ the darn things!" As the jock-ette berated her teammates, Geoff looked over his shoulder and frowned.

xxx

"I just felt so bad!" he confessed in private with a shrug. "I _had_ to help her!"

xxx

The boy took a seat next to his former teammate; she looked surprised but not entirely pleased. Next to her, Dawn shot the party-lover a skeptical glance. "It's not that big a deal," he whispered to her, struggling to find the words to say. "Sometimes, uh, they castrate bulls... humanely!"

"Get movin', cowboy!" Jo barked at him. "Nobody here needs your _pity_."

xxx

"It was sweet of him to help," Bridgette admitted in a less-than-enthused tone, "but I'm gonna have to do this on my own if I want Jo to take me seriously."

xxx

The two animal-loving young women sighed. "Sorry, noble creature..." Dawn whispered as she and Bridgette began to eat.

Over at the guys' table, only Shawn was shown to have eaten most of his plate. Alejandro could barely stand to touch one of the testicles with his tongue, and DJ spat out a partially-chewed piece into a napkin. "I'm sorry, amigos," Alejandro said sadly, "but I simply cannot do it!"

"Well," Chris announced, "looks like the guys lost this round! The first challenge goes to the female campers!" A scoreboard appeared at the top of the screen, the left box with a pink 'woman' icon typically used for restrooms, and the right box having the blue-colored counterpart. The girls' side dinged to 1, and the five cheered.

Geoff waved at Bridgette, who smiled back. "I hope you realize that you cost us this round, amigo," Alejandro said with a frown.

"Hey, it's _my_ business who I talk to," Geoff protested. "And besides, it's not like _you_ were eating anything."

"Yes," the handsome boy admitted, "but neither was DJ, and more importantly, neither were Dawn or Bridgette until _you_ went over there and talked to them."

" _Seriousl_ _y_ _?!_ " Shawn added in frustration. " _Both_ of you-"

He was cut off by a whistle from Chris. "Are we here to _argue_ ," he told them, "or are we here to eat a series of revolting meals!"

Geoff rubbed the back of his head, Alejandro looked down, and Shawn sighed. "Yeah, okay," he said.

"Fine," the party-lover added.

"Very well..." Alejandro finished, the three extending their hands.

xxx

"I'm disappointed they made up so quickly," Jo said in the outhouse, scratching her chin in thought. "It's probably just for show to hide their _weakness_."

xxx

"Score now stands at one for the girls, and zero for the guys," Chris announced. "And now, the next course in the Brunch of Disgustingness!" He motioned to the side, and Chef wheeled out a cart with another covered plate. "You guys like pizza?" the host asked with a grin.

"That doesn't sound too bad...," Sammy told the other girls with a hesitant.

"Depends," Jo told both the cheerleader and the host, "what's on it?"

"I'm glad you asked!" Chris said, rubbing his hands together. The view moved over to Chef as he slowly lifted the cover. "You'll be having live grasshopper pizza with tangy jellyfish sauce and live anchovies!" the host said excitedly, the camera focusing on the dish. It was as the host said, an otherwise ordinary-looking pizza base with jellyfish, grasshoppers, and anchovies as toppings; the latter two were still moving around.

" _Live_ grasshoppers and anchovies?" Dawn whimpered, earning unimpressed looks from Jo and Scarlett.

At the guy table, Shawn merely shrugged and accepted the plate Chef handed to him. Alejandro grimaced in disgust as he got his plate, and the camera cut back to the girls.

"Start eating, ladies," Jo told the three sitting across from her, "or do I need to _make_ you?" She took a large bite out of her own slice – including one of the insects – and quickly swallowed it.

"Excuse me," Scarlett beckoned towards the host, "are we allowed to _kill_ the grasshoppers and anchovies before eating them?"

Chris raised an eyebrow before answering. "No, they have to be _alive_ when they're eaten or it wouldn't be much of a challenge."

The redhead frowned, and stared down at her slice. "Very well." She took a deep breath, then took a bite. As Jo had, Scarlett took a grasshopper down in the first go, though the brainiac shuddered as she swallowed.

The jock-ette smiled, then looked over at the rest of her team. "Okay, who's next?"

xxx

"I've had to eat a lot of really gross things before," Sammy said, rubbing her arm and looking down in embarrassment, "mostly because _Amy_ forced me to. A couple of live fish and bugs shouldn't be _too_ bad, right? I mean, they're pretty _small_ , and I don't wanna let everyone down..."

xxx

She closed her eyes and took a small bite of the pizza, getting a bit of jellyfish but nothing else meant to nauseate. "Good," Jo told her, "now keep it up so we can win this round."

The shot cut over to the boys, showing Shawn to have nearly finished his slice. "You know," he said after a swallow, "this really isn't that bad."

"Yeah," Geoff agreed, "at least, once you get the squirmy bits down."

Back with the girls once more, Bridgette was holding her slice close to her mouth, and looked thoroughly disgusted. "I really don't like the idea of eating live fish," she said, "but I guess I've come this far, no going back now!" She closed her eyes and took a quick bite.

Meanwhile, DJ and B were also doing the deed for their team. The broader boy had opted to roll his slice up so that the living things were somewhat hidden from sight before tried to eat, and after seeing B's success DJ decided to mimic it.

"Still pretty gross," he said, "but at least I'm doin' it. Good idea, dude." The two boys bumped fists across the table.

"Just one left," Shawn said with a look at Alejandro. The camera zoomed in on the intact slice still on his plate, then quick-panned over to show a similar situation with Dawn.

"Well," Jo told her, "are you gonna eat it, or am I gonna have to _make_ you eat it?"

The animal-lover's eyes widened, and she shook her head frantically. "Oh no, I simply _can't_ eat this! Most of it is still _aliv_ _e_ _!_ "

"Wrong answer!" the jock-ette barked, jumping over the table and grabbing Dawn's plate. "Now hold still so I can feed this to you!" The small blonde squealed and ducked away.

"Quick, grab him!" Shawn cried after seeing the commotion on the other side of the room.

"Gentlemen, be reasonable!" Alejandro implored, raising his hands defensively as the other boys stood up. As they closed in on him grinning, he tried to get away. He moved too late, DJ and Geoff managed to grab both of his arms.

"B! The pizza!" Shawn cried as he pinned the taller young man's legs. Swiftly, B rolled up the final slice of their pizza and forced it into Alejandro's mouth.

"Just keep chewing, buddy, and it'll all be over soon!" Shawn said as tears began to form around the bound boy's eyes. Eventually, Alejandro swallowed and was let go. "Sorry about that dude," the survivalist told him, "but now's really not the _time_ for weak stomachs.

"I-" was all the handsome boy got out before he had to close his mouth. Cheeks bulging, he ran out of the hall; the camera followed him to a cluster of bushes where he threw up.

xxx

Alejandro shuddered. "Mark my words, they will _pay_ for this," he vowed angrily. "Even though it was for a desperately needed spa trip, they will _pay_." His stomach rumbled and groaned, and the camera cut outside in discretion as the sounds of him vomiting filled the air. A raccoon and a couple squirrels who had been nearby ran away from the outhouse in fright.

xxx

Back inside, Dawn was repeatedly evading Jo's own attempts at force-feeding. The other three girls remained seated as their two teammates ran around the room, apparently unwilling to act. "I told you," Dawn cried in protest, "I won't eat!"

"Well, too bad!" Jo shot back. The two continued to run for a few more seconds until Alejandro walked back into the room, groaning and holding his stomach.

"Well then," Chris announced with a smile, "it looks like the winners of this round are the guys!" The scoreboard reappeared and updated, leading Jo and Dawn to stop in their tracks. The former scowled and threw the slice of pizza on the floor, while the latter breathed a sigh of relief and walked back to the table. The guys cheered, Geoff and DJ even patting Alejandro on the back as he sat back down with them.

"Hey, at least we won the round!" Geoff told him happily. Alejandro tried to say something, then shuddered.

xxx

"I was excited about the next dish," Chef Hatchet said in a surprise confessional. "I made it from _scratch_." As he spoke, a devilish smile formed on his lips, and he started to scratch the right side of his body.

xxx

"Alright!" Chris said happily. "Who's ready for the third course?" The point-of-view shifted so it was level with Geoff's plate as Chef lifted the cover off of it. " _Spaghetti_!" the host announced, but what laid on the plate was only superficially similar to the popular Italian dish. As B and Geoff grimaced at their next meal, Chris continued his explanation. "Well, _actually_ , earthworms covered in snail slime sauce, and _hairballs_."

"I don't know if I can take much more of this guys...," Geoff said, voice rising as he began to panic.

"Do we gotta hold you down and force you like Alejandro?" DJ asked him, leaning forward and pointing from one guy to the other. Alejandro's eyes widened at the reminder of what had happened.

"No... no, I can do this...," Geoff replied, "just... just give me a minute."

At the girls' table, Jo sniffed a forkful of worms then stuck out her tongue in disgust. "Uggh... I assume Fairy Girl isn't gonna eat this pathetic excuse for a third course either?" Dawn shook her head. Jo scowled. "In that case, no point in any of _us_ eating if we're just going to lose anyway. But you'd _better_ eat everything else, got it?"

"As long as it isn't alive," Dawn told her, "then I will do my best to force down whatever we are served."

The boys were shown again, having donned blindfolds and clothespins over their noses to assist in their eating. "I think we're done here!" Shawn called, raising his plate – and the plate of Alejandro, sitting next to him with wide eyes and a stiff, trembling body.

"Well, since the girls have chickened out," Chris announced with a tinge of annoyance, "the winners are the guys!" The cheers of three young men could be heard as the scoreboard updated once again to show their 2-1 lead.

"Alright maggots, time to toughen up," Jo said. "We're _all_ gonna be eating this, so I don't wanna hear any complaints!"

"Yeah," Bridgette added in an enthusiastic and optimistic tone, "let's show 'em some girl power! We can _do_ this!"

"As long as we can figure out how to mitigate the grossness of each dish," Scarlett said, "we should have an advantage over the boys."

Sammy sighed, but smiled. "You're probably right."

"Alright, everybody!" Chris called, gaining the girls' attention. "Time for course number four! No nine-course meal would be complete without soup," he said as the shot switched to Chef lifting another pair of covers off the plates of Shawn and DJ. Ominously, the two bowls of soup had flies buzzing around them.

"Today's special is," the host explained over a close-up of one bowl; the bubbling broth was a sickly green color, and there were nail clippings, hairs, and several other unidentified things floating at the surface. "French _bunion_ soup, with hangnail crackers."

xxx

"Oh come _o_ _n_ _!_ " Alejandro complained loudly. "Not only is this a mockery of _real_ food, but it's a lazy one too! They just took whatever was laying around Chef's dirty _bathroo_ _m_ _!_ "

xxx

The girls were shown looking at the soup with dread, before Bridgette caught Scarlett's eye. "Hey, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" the surfer asked.

"That the nature of this course allows a simple bypass to some of the more _revolting_ elements?" the brainiac responded with a slight shudder. "Then yes."

DJ, Alejandro, and even Shawn were briefly shown struggling to get even the first spoonful down before the scene cut back to the girls. Bridgette tossed a plastic funnel to Jo, who smirked and put it in her mouth. Scarlett poured the jock-ette's soup down the funnel quickly and without issue.

"Hey, I barely even tasted it!" Jo exclaimed, removing the object from her mouth.

"Naturally," Scarlett told her with a smile. "The funnel allowed the soup to bypass the majority of your taste buds – except for the ones on your epiglottis, of course."

"The girls win again!" Chris announced after the footage skipped ahead, pointing a finger in their direction as the scoreboard updated and the five young women began to cheer. "The score is now tied up at 2!"

xxx

"You know," Bridgette confessed happily, "I think we're _really_ starting to get a handle on working together as a team!"

xxx

"Only five more courses left!" Chris announced, donning an attempted French accent for the next phrase. " _Bon appetit_!"

A song began to play over a montage of the next four courses; the lyrics and melody suggested it had been written specifically for the challenge to be reminiscent of similar songs from the 1980s.

_You've gotta eat; (Eat!)_

_Eat to win;_

[Chef chewed for a moment, then stuck out his tongue and took a wad of gum out of his mouth. He stuck it to a larger multicolored ball of pre-chewed gum on a plate, and placed the plate down in front of a disgusted Sammy.]

_Don't let them grooooss you out,_

_Don't let them push you down!_

[Next, in a surgical mask and gloves, Chef squeezed a skunk's tail so that the liquid dripped into a cocktail shaker. The large man mixed it vigorously, then poured it into a fountain glass. Scarlett took a sip, gagged, and fell over.]

_Stand up tall and say you caaaaan!_

[The seventh course had Chef use a caulking gun to draw a smiley face in silicone on the heel of a sandal. It was given to B, who gnawed at it for a few seconds then tried to pull a piece off with his teeth.]

_You've gotta eat; (Eat!)_

_Eat to win;_

_Oooooh, you gotta eat; (Eat!)_

_Eat to wiiiin!_

[Finally, a half-rotten green bell pepper was shown as Chef began to chop it up. Geoff, Shawn, and Alejandro watched him work, the party boy and survivalist almost looking forward to the meal – until Chef withdrew the ladle from the stew he'd been stirring, showing them a rotten apple core, an old sock, and a fishtail. A fly flew over the scoop of garbage, causing Alejandro to lean over and vomit off-screen.]

/

As the montage ended, the camera panned across the two teams. As a whole, they looked thoroughly drained of all energy, and several groans could be heard as Chris began to speak. "Wow! It's still tied up! We're down to the last course in the challenge!"

Once more, Chef lifted the covers off of Shawn and DJ's plates, showing what looked like a pinkish but otherwise ordinary sausage on a bun. "Iiiit's _delicious_ dolphin wieners!" the host announced as Bridgette and Dawn also had their dishes revealed. "Hot dogs, made of dolphin!"

The two girls gasped over a sound clip of a dolphin's cry. "But dolphins are our _friend_ _s_ _!_ " Bridgette protested in horror.

"We _can't_ eat such noble creatures!" Dawn added.

"This again?!" Jo yelled. "If you two don't hurry up and eat, then we're gonna lose to the guys!"

"You don't understand," Bridgette whined, "I'm a _surfer_ , I _swim_ with dolphins!"

"Just eat it already!" the jock-ette demanded.

"No!" Dawn said as she and Bridgette stood up. "We will _not_ allow you to bend us to your will!"

"I'm with you two," DJ said from across the room. "I'm not eatin' no _dolphin_."

xxx

"Can you _believe_ those three?" Chef complained in the confessional. "I worked _hard_ cookin' that dolphin!"

xxx

The camera lingered on the three animal-lovers steadfastly refusing to eat before moving over to Chris. "Okay, enough!" he said, brow furrowed in annoyance. "We'll solve this by having an eat-off!"

/

The footage skipped forward, showing a tray of fifteen shot glasses arranged in three rows on a table. Jo and Shawn were shown sitting behind it as Chris began to explain the final challenge. "Whoever can drink the most shot glasses of fresh, delicious, blended cockroach," the two campers looked warily over at Chef as he began mercilessly killing the insects by way of kitchen appliance, "will be the winner! This _unlikely_ satisfying blend of eight different cockroaches is vitamin rich for your balanced lifestyle!"

Chef poured the drink evenly into the shot glasses, and several errant legs could be seen sticking out. "On your mark," Chris said as the camera cut away from the two anxious teens, "get set, _go_ _!_ "

Jo and Shawn picked up their first glasses and immediately locked eyes. They took the shot and put the glass upside-down on the table, then took another. Each one caused them to wretch for a moment, and though their eyes began to look unfocused they did not look away.

Again, the footage skipped along to the sixth shot. Both teams watched in silence, and Jo and Shawn seemed evenly matched. "You know... what the difference between us is?" Jo forced out as they paused before shot number seven.

"What?" Shawn choked as he picked up the glass.

" _I_ didn't eat any worms today," Jo told him as she took the shot, slammed the glass down on the table, and quickly finished her eighth glass before Shawn had recovered from the seventh. "I win!" she exclaimed, raising her arms for a moment before slumping over on the table, knocking away most of her upturned glasses.

"And Jo is victorious!" Chris announced excitedly, the scoreboard updating and the other four girls cheering.

"Well dude," Geoff told his groaning teammate, "I guess you did your best. Don't feel bad about it, okay?"

"Don't worry about that," Shawn said as he clutched his burbling stomach, "I've already got feeling _bad_ covered." His cheeks and eyes bulged momentarily, then he began to vomit on the table. The camera showed a single intact roach floating out in the pool of bile, causing the girls to begin regurgitating their stomach contents as well – first Bridgette, then Sammy, then Scarlett.

Chef watched them, holding a mop in preparation. He scowled, then suddenly brought a hand to his mouth. Chris, too, was forced to hold back his lunch, and he made a silent and hectic motion for the camera to cease filming. Geoff and DJ were the last two to vomit on-screen, managing to even cover the camera lens.

/

The challenge now over, the scene changed to the docks at sunset. A yacht longer than the broadest part of the pier was anchored in front of it, a wooden gangplank extended invitingly. "The girls are the big winners today," Chris began as the background music became the mix of awestruck and ominous that was typically favored for elimination ceremonies; all the girls except for Bridgette were shown walking down to the ship.

"And the guys go their separate ways." The shot panned down from the setting sun to the boys' cabin as DJ and B entered it. The camera panned up again to show Shawn climbing a tree nearby, then cut to the cabin interior as a disheveled Alejandro vomited into a small trashcan. "Despite the day's hardships they stand together," Chris said, " _for now_. What shocking surprises are in store for our campers next week, as they head for the big merge?" The shot moved over to Geoff as he stared with longing out of the cabin window, then faded into a similar picture of Bridgette gazing out one of the windows of the yacht as it started to pull away from the camp. "Tune in, on Total! Drama! Island!"

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When this chapter was originally written all those years ago, I marked two things as something to consider revising: the order of the dishes, and the extent of Scarlett's canon lack of proficiency in eating challenges which I didn't play up too much. So, now that I've finally come back to revise everything after so many years, did I change either of those things?
> 
> Nah, I just left them as they were. To be honest I had completely forgotten about changing them, so seeing the chapter as it had originally been didn't seem off to me or anything.
> 
> Not much else to say. The dynamics of the two temporary teams was the focal point of the chapter, with a budding conflict between Scarlett and Jo (as well as Scarlett and Dawn) probably being the most important. And for the guys... well, they're mostly united, even if it's just a show for Alejandro and Shawn is still a committed loner. But even though they were more united than the girls, they still lost – mostly just because I wanted the ending to be different than in canon. Not a grand reason, but it is what it is.
> 
> As always, let me know what you think, and I'll see you all next time for the merge!
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (21st Place)
> 
> Ezekiel - (20th Place)
> 
> Sugar - (19th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (18th Place)
> 
> Amy - (17th Place)
> 
> Scott - (16th Place)
> 
> Beth - (15th Place)
> 
> Sierra - (14th Place)
> 
> Topher - (13th Place)
> 
> Sam - (12th Place)
> 
> Beardo - (11th Place)


	15. No Pain, No Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus, the merge.
> 
> For those who want a reminder, the remaining contestants are as follows:
> 
> Girls \- Bridgette, Dawn, Jo, Sammy, Scarlett
> 
> Boys \- Alejandro, B, DJ, Geoff, Shawn
> 
> -Fangren

"Last time, on Total Drama Island!" The recap began with the scene of the teams dissolving, and Alejandro winking at Scarlett. "The Bass and Gopher teams were disbanded into a 'Battle of the Sexes' challenge that put their taste buds to the puke test." Chef, Geoff, and DJ were shown about to vomit.

"With bovine testicles, live fish-insect pizza, and liquid roach juice on the menu," each dish was shown as the host mentioned them, "not only was this the single biggest wretch-fest this host has _ever_ seen, but Jo's iron will and a little _accidental_ strategy scored a big win for her team." Bridgette, Sammy, and Scarlett were shown throwing up as well, then Jo's victory was shown along with the guys' disappointment.

"While the girls set sail on a weekend retreat aboard the S.S. Lap O' Luxury," the winners cheered, and were seen walking down the dock, "it's only a matter of time before the guys start to fall apart." The guys were shown partying for a few seconds before cutting to Alejandro's angry vow in the confessional. Clips of DJ holding the charmer down and refusing to eat were shown, followed by Shawn climbing a tree and Geoff looking sadly out the cabin window."How long until Alejandro _crosses_ the line, and can DJ even _see_ the line? Will Shawn ever _fall_ in line, or will Geoff _break_ the line? And will B even _have_ any lines?" B nodding, grimacing, and gnawing at a sandal finished off the montage of footage.

Chris flashed a cocky grin from the end of the Dock of Shame, Dakota standing next to him with an anxious look on her face. "For the answers to _all_ these cliffhangers, and more! Stay tuned to the _most_ exciting episode yet, on Total! Drama! Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode opened with a shot of Shawn clinging to the top of a tree, hand to his brow to block out the sun as he scanned the area around him. The camera panned down, showing Alejandro and DJ lounging in chairs on the beach, then over to the docks where Geoff and B were fishing. The two cast their lines, then looked over at the pair on the beach. Alejandro looked up from the magazine he had been reading and DJ stopped eating the sandwich he had, and they looked up at Shawn. The survivalist looked down and shrugged, then went back to scanning the horizon.

A fly landed on the gentle giant's sandwich and he waved it away with his hand; it landed on the arm of Alejandro's chair and he quickly rolled up his magazine and smashed it.

The camera cut back to Shawn, who noticed something that made his eyes go wide. "Hey guys," he shouted to the others below, "I think they're-"

He was cut off by the loud and deep sound of a ship's horn, and the camera cut to the five girls standing happily on the deck of the yacht they had taken at the end of the previous episode.

The ship stopped at the end of the dock, the gangplank was lowered, and the five girls slid down to the pier – first Jo, then Bridgette, then Scarlett, then Sammy. Dawn came last, and nearly bumped into the cheerleader; both girls smiled and blushed lightly at each other.

"Man, the past couple of days were _gre_ _at_ _!_ " Jo said as the girls began to walk towards the shore. Geoff and B gave them neutral looks, as did DJ on the shore, but Alejandro briefly showed a scowl. "Good food _and_ a legion of servants doing whatever I say? I'm _almost_ sorry to be back!"

"Who knew you could have so much fun at a spa?" Bridgette added with a smile.

"I concur," Scarlett said. "After a month at camp, the refreshment and relaxation was a welcome change. I'd definitely return if given the opportunity." The boys were shown frowning in jealousy, even Shawn who had climbed down from his tree.

xxx

"Man, I _really_ coulda used that spa treatment. I got some _nasty_ alligator elbows!" DJ confessed grumpily, holding his elbows up to the camera.

xxx

"So, what have _you_ losers been up to?" Jo asked as the five guys gathered at the base of the docks. "Spend the last two days crying because you lost to a bunch of girls?"

"Perhaps they've spent their time pointlessly battling each other for dominance over their group like the animals they try to emulate?" Scarlett suggested with a sly smirk.

"I'll have you know," Alejandro told them, "that the five of us have grown quite _close_ these past few days!"

"Whatever you say, Ale- _barf_ -dro!" Jo snorted. "It doesn't change the fact that girls are _still_ better than guys! Right ladies?"

She looked back at the other girls, who put their hands together ready to cheer...

...Right before Chris' voice came over the loudspeaker. "Listen up campers!" he drawled. "As of right now, all teams are _officially_ dissolved. From here on in, it's every camper for _themselv_ _es_ _!_ " Each word was punctuated by the background music for dramatic effect.

The girls immediately dropped their hands and stepped away from one another. "Finally!" Jo grinned. "It's about _time_ I got the chance to go it alone without a _team_ to slow me down."

Shawn shrugged. "Hey, not like I didn't see _this_ coming a mile away. It's not like anything _else_ is gonna change around here."

"You really think that?" Chris said over the loudspeaker with barely-contained laughter. Ominous music began to build slowly with each reaction shown.

Another ship's horn got the attention of Geoff and B. " _Whoa_ ," the party boy said slowly, eyes going wide.

"Aww man, this ain't _good_...," DJ added, bringing his hands to his mouth.

"But _how_ _?_ " Alejandro asked softly. "They were voted off!"

" _No...,_ " Sammy whispered in horror, going pale and clinging to Dawn. "Nonononononono _please_ let this just be some horrible dream..." Her friend was too shocked to comfort her, and both Bridgette and Scarlett were similarly unnerved.

The music broke into vague Latin chanting as the yacht returned to shore, a thunderstorm raging violently in the background. Two figures were visible kissing on the prow: the taller was dark-skinned, dark-haired, and wore mostly blues; the shorter was light-skinned, blonde, and dressed primarily in red. Bolts struck down on either side of the ship as they broke their kiss and turned wicked smiles towards the shore.

"Back, by _popular_ audience demand," Chris announced, "it's _Amy_ and _Lightnin_ _g_ _!_ "

Sammy yelped, ducking behind the other girls and dragging Dawn with her. The chanting came to a sudden halt as the two returning campers hopped down from the ship. "That's right," Lightning boasted, "me and my girl are back in the game, and we're not stoppin' until we win it _a_ _ll_ _!_ "

"So the rest of you had better watch out," Amy sneered. "Especially you, _Sam_ _ey_ _!_ You'll regret _ever_ voting me off!"

"Hold on, McClean!" Jo shouted, crossing her arms and turning towards the loudspeaker. "What happened to the losers getting kicked off for good?"

"...Did I say that?" Chris' disembodied voice asked.

"Yeah," Jo barked, "you did! Once you leave..." she began, the footage cutting to static followed by a montage of the host explaining the rules during just about every elimination ceremony prior.

xxx

"Once you leave on the Dock of Shame," he said, "on the Boat of Losers, you can never, never-ever, _ev-er_ come back!"

xxx

"Oh, yeah, _that_ ," the present Chris said. " _Yeah_... I _lied_..."

"But they were voted off fair and square!" the jock-ette protested. "Why do they get to come back after they've already _los_ _t_ _?_ "

"You should probably save your anger for when he is here in _person_ ," Alejandro advised, also glaring at the loudspeaker.

The camera cut back to the girls, where Amy was staring haughtily at her cowering sister. Bridgette quickly slid between them, hands outstretched to keep them separated. "Whoa, why all the hate? Can't we just talk this out?"

"Can it, fish-girl!" Amy spat. "Samey will _not_ get away with what she did to _me_ , her own _sist_ _er_ _!_ "

"Hard to believe _those two_ were audience favorites," Geoff whispered to a nodding B.

"Hey!" Lightning exclaimed. "I'll have you know that _everyone_ loves Lightning! Sha- _yea_ _h_ _!_ " He kissed his biceps, prompting Geoff and B to glance at each other.

"Well," Chris told them, " _we_ liked them anyway. Oh, and one more thing. One of my interns isn't really working out, but I can't fire her without giving back all her Daddy's money, _sooo_ Dakota's back too!"

" _Wha_ _t_ _?!_ " exclaimed Jo and Alejandro as Chef walked into view, carrying the squirming heiress over his shoulder, still in her intern uniform. He grimaced and threw her to the ground in front of DJ and Shawn, then walked away.

" _Ru_ _de_ _!_ " Dakota whined, rubbing her back and glaring at the large man. "Uggh, he's lucky he has that stupid _contract_ ," she muttered as she got to her feet and dusted herself off.

"Y'know, Princess," Shawn told her, "most people would be pretty _happy_ to have another shot at a hundred grand."

"Yeah, but most people aren't _rich_ ," Dakota countered. "This is _way_ too much work for that kind of money. It would be fine if _Sam_ were still here, but he's not, and with the _paparazzi_ still banned it'll be hard to get the screen time I want..." She struck a contemplative pose and moved away from the two boys.

"Seriously?!" Jo complained as Dakota walked by. "She's not even here to _win_ _!_ "

Dakota gasped. "How could you _say_ that? Of _course_ I want to win!" she explained. "I mean yeah, I don't care about the _money_ , but winners _always_ get lots of photo-ops. Plus it'll help prove to people that I'm _more_ than just an incredibly cute face!"

"Can you believe this girl?" Lightning said, furrowing his brow. "No _way_ does she deserve to play this game." Scarlett, who had been standing nearby, looked at him with disdain.

"Alrighty campers," Chris announced over the loudspeaker yet again, "report to the amphitheater where you'll learn _all_ about this week's challenge!" He made a clicking sound, signaling the end of the message. "McClean, out!"

"Ready to be _crushed_ , little sister?" Amy smirked. "I have no idea how you've made it this far, but soon you'll be exposed as the pathetic little _knock-off_ of me you've always been. And _nobody_ is going to save you!" she started to laugh as she walked away, leaving Dawn and Sammy alone on the docks.

The nice twin sighed. "I can't believe she's back," she said after the ship sounded its horn and pulled away from the pier.

"Don't worry," Dawn told her, putting a hand on her shoulder. "We voted her off once, and we'll be able to vote her off again."

"Thanks," Sammy smiled, and the two girls began their own trip back to shore.

/

The scene flashed to a distance shot of the camp, zooming in then cutting to inside the girls' cabin. Dakota was already making herself at home in the bunk beneath Jo, while on the right side of the room Scarlett and Dawn sat on their top bunks with Bridgette and Sammy respectively below them. The open doorway was darkened by the silhouette of the seventh female camper in the game.

"Umm, _hello_ , where am _I_ supposed to sleep?" Amy complained, stepping into the room with crossed arms and an angry pout.

"It _is_ unusual that the producers would allow two girls to return to the game when there is only _one_ free bed in our cabin," Scarlett agreed.

"Eh," Jo said as she laid on her back staring at the ceiling, "they probably just expect one of _us_ to go home tonight, and I can't really blame 'em. If we're all still here after the challenge, just ask Chris for a cot or something."

"Uhh, yeah, like _that's_ ever gonna happen," Amy said dismissively. "Here's a _better_ idea. Samey!" she yelled, her sister immediately cringing. "You're sleeping on the _floor_ from now on, so get out of my bed!"

"Why should she?" Dawn asked as the good twin sighed and began to move. "She deserves a bed just as much as the rest of us do, and you have no right to take that away from her simply because it isn't _yours_."

Amy's eyes narrowed dangerously. "I don't know what Samey's been telling you," she hissed, "but there's no way on _Earth_ that she deserves a bed more than _me_. So just mind your own business."

"Your sister is my _friend_ ," Dawn countered, "which means that any mistreatment she suffers _is_ my business." Sammy, who had been looking back and forth between the two girls, finally cracked a small smile.

Amy, on the other hand, began to growl in frustration and stepped towards the object of her current ire. "Whoa!" Bridgette said, quickly putting herself between the girls. "Calm down, there's no need to get this _m_ _ad_ _!_ Can't we just talk this out?"

The mean twin put a hand on her hip and sniffed. "Fine. Whatever. I'll just go find Chris, I bet _he'll_ agree with me." She turned and left, causing her sister to hang her head and moan.

xxx

"What is her _de_ _al_ _?_ " a bewildered Bridgette asked in the confessional. "I mean, I know not everyone has a good relationship with their siblings, but this is too much!"

xxx

The footage cut back to the thirteen campers on the amphitheater stage, sitting in three tiers with makeshift desks in front of them and a varied assortment of chairs. The highest tier was reserved for the boys, with Shawn, DJ, Alejandro, B, Lightning, and Geoff lined up in a row. In the middle tier were Dawn, Scarlett, Amy, and Bridgette, while Sammy, Dakota, and Jo had the lowest row to themselves.

"Welcome to you next challenge!" Chris told them from off-screen. "The time-honored game of torture: Say Uncle!" He slid into view from the left, facing the camera with his usual grin. Behind him, the younger twin shot a hesitant glance up and to her left, which was met by the glaring elder twin.

"You are all about to be put through tests of endurance," the host continued, " _so_ insane that some of 'em sent our interns to the emergency room." Each row of campers was shown looking shocked, scared, or simply wary. "If you back down from the challenge or do not last the required ten seconds," Chris explained as a scowl formed briefly on his face, "you will be eliminated! The winner will not only be safe from _elimination_ , but will win this luxurious trailer!" A small but sparkling trailer was shown on the ground nearby; it was the type that needed to be hitched to another vehicle in order to go anywhere. "Yours to take home at the end of the summer."

"What _kinds_ of torture?" Jo asked, arms crossed and unimpressed.

"Why don't you ask my lovely assistant!" Chris told her jovially, motioning to Chef who stood nearby in a hockey mask with a butcher's knife in his hand. "Alright," the host told the campers once their terror had been renewed, "let's do this!" The camera panned across the teens, then cut back to the host as he moved over to a large wooden wheel stood upright and divided into twenty-four sections, each with a small picture near the rim.

"Alejandro, you're up first! Let's spin the 'Wheel of Misfortune' to select your torture!" Chris gave the wheel a spin, and a tune reminiscent of a game show theme played in the background. Alejandro was shown gulping as he awaited his fate, and the wheel came to a stop – the red arrow at the top landed on a picture of a barrel. "Lake leech bath!" Chris announced excitedly.

The footage skipped ahead to host and victim standing side by side. "Our interns have spent the past few weeks collecting the biggest, nastiest, blood-suckingest leeches from the lake," Chris explained, "and put 'em in that barrel over there." The camera panned over to Chef, who carried a large wooden barrel on to the stage. As he set it down a bit of water sloshed out, and a few large leeches attached themselves to Chef's arm. The large man grimaced, and plucked them off his skin.

"All _you_ have to do," the host told Alejandro, "is get in the barrel and stay in for as long as you can."

Another flash forwarded the scene to the handsome young man preparing to climb in, a look of disgust on his face. "Better hope your clothes are on nice and _snug_ ," Chris whispered to him, "I wouldn't want to be you if they weren't!" He walked off, and the scene flashed forward again. "If you can stay in for ten seconds," Chris reminded the boy as a timer appeared at the top of the screen, "you'll go on to the second round."

A buzzer sounded, and Alejandro got in to the barrel. The camera focused on his face as the smirk he'd donned became more and more forced. The leeches inside could be heard squirming around, and their victim's visage contorted more and more as he struggled to contain his disgust. Eventually, though, the timer reached 10 seconds and a bell rang, leading Alejandro to launch himself from the barrel.

"And Alejandro moves on to the next round!" Chris announced with glee as the young man fell to the ground covered in leeches. "Isn't this fun?"

"Truly," the handsome boy groaned, "it is the joy of a lifetime."

"Whoa, that looked pretty _gnarly_ ," Geoff commented, leaning down to get closer to Bridgette. "But I bet I could handle it too, especially if I was doin' it for _you_."

"Well, here's hoping it doesn't come down to that," Bridgette smiled. "I don't want you to get hurt because of me. Besides, I can handle these tortures just as well as you can."

"Oh, no doubt!" Geoff told her. "You're a pretty tough chick, facin' your fear of bein' alone in the woods and all. I just don't wanna see you get hurt either."

"Aww, that's so sweet!" Bridgette said. The two gazed into each other's eyes and smiled.

/

"Next up," Chris announced with a note card in his hand as he walked past the wheel, "Amy! Your torture is..." He gave it a spin, and the game show tune began again. The cheerleader's eyes went wide as she looked over at the host, and the wheel eventually came to a stop on a picture of a few musical notes. "Ooh, the New Age music torture!"

A gong sounded, and Amy was shown being led to another seat by Chef, who proceeded to place a bulky pair of headphones on her. "You'll be listening to some of the _finest_ New Age music ever made! If you can stand it for the full ten seconds, you can go to the next level."

"Puh- _lease_ ," Amy scoffed, "it's just some crappy _music_. How bad can it be?"

"I'm sure you'll find out," Chris chuckled, motioning to Chef to start the music.

The scene rippled into a kaleidoscope of colors as the music began to play, quickly coalescing into the image of a unicorn standing on a floating rock against the night sky. The camera panned to the right, passing the full moon and a small pod of dolphins swimming through space. A comet went by, leaving a trail of rainclouds in its wake, and finally the camera came to a rest on Amy's scowling face. The bell chimed, and the mean twin threw off the headphones and stormed off stage. "Uggh, that was _horrible_. Still not as bad as Samey's _snoring_ , though."

"I don't snore _that_ bad, do I?" the younger twin whispered, raising her head to catch the ear of Dawn.

"Not that I can recall," the mystic answered. "Though to be honest, I'm more annoyed at the implication that New Age music is _bad_ when it really is quite lovely!"

"It is?" Sammy asked. "Well, maybe we could listen to it together sometime!"

"Oh yes," Dawn smiled, "that would be wonderful."

/

"Well done, Amy!" Chris exclaimed. "Since you only complained _after_ you were done, you get to choose who goes next!"

Amy immediately donned a wicked grin, and looked down at her sister, who looked back with dread. "Well in _that_ case," Amy said, "I think I'll have to choose by dearest sister _Samey_."

"And which torture will you make her undergo?" Chris asked happily.

"Hmm, good question...," the mean girl said slowly. "There's just _so_ many to choose from! But if I think about what's best for _her_ , then _obviously_ I have to pick the Poison Ivy spa treatment. Who knows?” she laughed. “Maybe it'll actually make her look _go_ _od_ _!_ "

"Poison Ivy it is!" the host smiled as Chef wheeled out a cart with a bowl of leaves on it. "Come on down Samey, time's a wastin'!" The girl slumped her shoulders and sighed.

xxx

"Man, my girl is _vicious_ ," Lightning commented in the confessional. "But hey, you gotta be like that if you wanna _w_ _in_ _!_ "

xxx

"Stop!" Dawn declared, standing from her seat as Sammy trudged across the stage. DJ, who had begun to stand as well, closed his mouth and froze in place. "If someone is to be given this torturous challenge, then _I_ volunteer to take her place!"

Amy made a gagging motion. "Eww, who asked _yo_ _u_ _?_ I said _Samey_ is going to do the torture."

"Sorry Dawn, but that's how it works!" Chris told her. Dawn frowned and sat back down – as did DJ – but smiled when she met Sammy's own. "Oh, and by the way," the host continued, "if your victim can last ten seconds without saying 'Uncle', _you_ get eliminated instead!" A few dramatic notes played in the background. "Which means, you lose your chance to win _thi_ _s_ _!_ " The trailer was shown again, accompanied by the sound of a harp.

Sammy sat down on the chair provided, and as the timer started Chef got to work wrapping her face in the poisonous leaves. She quickly began to squirm, and just as Chef was about to put on the finishing touches – the traditional cucumber slice over each eye – Sammy ripped off the Poison Ivy. "I can't take it anymore!" she cried, scratching her swollen and red face. "So _it_ _chy_ _!_ "

The buzzer sounded. "Sorry Samey," Chris told her, "but I'm afraid eight seconds just doesn't cut it! You're out, and can return to your new seat." The chair next to Dakota was instantly swapped out for a set of open stocks.

/

The wheel spun again, landing on a picture of three turtles. "Geoff, you're next!" Chris announced, and the footage skipped forward to the party boy standing in front of a hockey net.

"I can take a few turtles, no big deal!" he said confidently, the shot cutting over to a group of angry-looking turtles and Chef with a hockey stick. The large man slapped one of the reptiles across the stage, causing Geoff to repeatedly scream as it bit his leg.

/

The spins and challenges began to alternate along with the music – first the game show tune, then a few sharper notes for the tortures. Bridgette was first, shown covered with bees for a few seconds before another spin had Dakota screaming as Chef held her hair with one hand and a running chainsaw in the other. Finally, Shawn was shown reclining on a larger table-like device as Chef shocked him with a pair of electric eels.

The wheel was spun again, landing on what appeared to be a pair of shorts. "Our next challenge will be," Chris announced, "wearing a pair of _wooden_ shorts for ten seconds while one of the local woodpeckers goes at it." He motioned over to Chef, who held the bird on a thick branch; the woodpecker quickly lived up to its name by working through part of its perch in less than a second. "Shawn, you took those eels like a champ, so you get to choose the next victim." He looked over to the survivalist, silently recovering from another shock as the timer showed he'd made it the full ten seconds.

Shawn raised an eyebrow and looked over the remaining campers – only Sammy and Dakota were in stocks so far. After a moment he shrugged and gestured uncertainly top-right row. "Uhh, I don't know, Lightning I guess?"

xxx

"Like I had _any_ idea who to pick!" Shawn confessed. "I've kinda made it a point _not_ to make any enemies these past few weeks. But he hasn't gone yet, and I figured giving this challenge to a _guy_ would be my best bet at not being eliminated!"

xxx

"Pretty good move from Zombie Boy," Jo said in her turn in the outhouse. "Lightning's still fresh, and that makes him a _threat_."

xxx

"Me?" the athlete exclaimed. "Sha- _please_ , I can take anything you throw at me! Bring it on, zombie guy!"

"Oh, I hope this isn't a mistake...," Shawn groaned to himself.

The footage skipped ahead to the point where Lightning had put on the strangely well-fitting shorts. They had a metal waistband to which a padlock was attached, implying they had been locked into place – Lightning would not be able to easily escape. Chef brought the woodpecker close, and as soon as it hopped from its branch to the shorts the timer began.

"Peck all you like little bird," the victim taunted, "but Lightning remembered to put his _cup_ on before leavin' this mornin'! I barely feel a thing!"

The woodpecker paused for a moment to look at the human talking to it, then moved to the other side of the shorts and started hammering again. Lightning's eyes bugged out briefly, then started to sweat nervously. "Uhh, y'all don't need to go peckin' around back _there_ , you can just stay in front."

He tried to turn in place, but the woodpecker stood firm. As the time limit approached, the woodpecker broke a hole in the shorts; the camera cut to a shot of the campers wincing as Lightning yelped in pain.

"Well," Chris announced as the bell rang, "looks like Lightning managed to stick it out after all! A reckless choice by Shawn, and it's cost him the game!" The survivalist and his seat disappeared below the makeshift tables, only for the boy to pop up moments later in stocks. He groaned.

"Now, let's see who showed less courage than Lightning and cried 'Uncle'!" Chris said with a grin.

/

The first to be shown was Scarlett, slowly eating ice cream from a comically large tub as the timer ran in the corner of the screen. "Gotta love the ice cream brain freeze!" Chris said as the redhead suddenly dropped her spoon and put her hand on her head. Groaning in pain she took a few steps, tripped on the lid to the tub, and fell over. The timer buzzed.

The next clip had Amy reclining in a seat on stage as Chef poured a pot of something hot and white on her face. " _And_ the marshmallow wax!" the host said as the cheerleader started to claw at her face only four seconds in, wiping away the molten marshmallow from her mouth and shrieking. The timer buzzed for her as well.

Third had an alternating line of small rocks and skunks, the camera panning left to show DJ hopping up to the first rock as the timer began. As he hopped from rock to rock, Chris happily said "And of course, the skunk jump!" One of the skunks looked up and smiled at the gentle giant, who hesitantly smiled back before the animal turned around and sprayed its noxious chemical. DJ trembled in the cloud of stink, and fell. The timer buzzed yet again.

"And who can forget the snake squeeze?" the host added over a clip of B sweating in the coils of a long and thick purple snake. It hissed, he yelled in pain, and the timer buzzed for a fourth time in a row.

/

The scene cut to a side view of a log rolling in the water, the camera panning up to show Jo facing off against a frowning brown bear. After a few seconds the jock-ette smirked and stomped on the log, causing it to stop and the bear to bounce and land on its groin; it then rolled sideways into the water. Several small fish jumped out and snapped their jaws, and the bear rolled back up the other side, stripped of its fur. The bell chimed, and Jo hopped back to shore with a confident smirk on her face.

"Jo!" the host told her. "Since you did so well against Molotov the bear, you get to pick the next victim!"

She looked over at the campers and grinned; aside from her, it was only Dawn and Alejandro left sitting freely. "Well McLean, I'm gonna have to go with the Aura Whisperer," she said causing the blonde to look surprised. "As for the torture," Jo glanced over at the wheel, "not many of 'em _left_ , huh? Let's go with the _nose hair_ thing, I don't think she's tough enough to handle it."

xxx

"Okay, I've had nose hairs ripped out before," Sammy admitted in the confessional, "and it is _not_ a laughing matter. And Chef's a _lot_ stronger than Amy is." She leaned back from the camera, adopting a look of concern. "I hope Dawn will be okay!"

xxx

Dawn was led to the same reclining table-like fixture that had been used for some of the other tortures, shooting a reassuring smile at Sammy as she walked past the lower row of seats.

"Okay Dawn," Chris said as she got into position, "all you have to do is stay there for ten seconds after Chef yanks _every_ hair out of your nose at the same time."

"Sounds simple enough," Dawn replied nervously as Chef approached with a pair of tweezers in each hand and a dark grin beneath his mask. He spent a few seconds looking up the petite girl's nose in preparation, then gave a thumbs up to the host once his tools were in place.

"Well then, let's get started!" Chris smiled, prompting Chef to quickly pull the tweezers down, taking a clump of small hairs with each. Dawn yelped and brought her hands to her nose as the timer began. As the other campers watched, the young woman writhed on the spot, but to Jo's growing displeasure she neither fell nor fled.

Finally, the ten seconds were up, and the bell chimed. "Aww, crap...," Jo grumbled as her seat was quickly swapped out for stocks.

"Yup, looks like you just got eliminated," Chris said with a shrug as Dawn walked back to her seat, still holding her nose. "And Alejandro, that means you're up!" He pointed at the handsome boy in the top row, who raised an eyebrow. "Alright! After twenty-one rounds of torture, we're down to _two_ steely competitors, and the _sudden-death_ round."

xxx

"Ah," Alejandro sighed happily, "I will _enjoy_ having my own trailer. Because honestly, there's no _way_ I can lose now. The only thing left to decide is who goes home tonight, but I've already taken care of that."

xxx

"Okay dude, it's up to you!" Chris announced as he gave the 'Wheel of Misfortune' one last spin. "Your final challenge is...," the wheel came to a stop at a large footprint, "to spend ten seconds in a wooden crate with _Sasquatchanakw_ _a_ _!_ "

"...Sasquatchanakwa?" Alejandro repeated in disbelief.

/

The shot cut to the sun high in the sky, the music taking an ominous twist. The camera panned down to a large crate on the amphitheater stage, twice as tall as Chef with air holes at the top and a door in the side. "Sasquatchanakwa," Chris exposited as the crate rattled and a roar issued from within. "Once thought to be no more than _legend_ , it was eventually found to be living right here on our little island. So naturally, we ticked it off by putting it in a way-too-small box!" Alejandro looked at the crate and gulped.

"Now, you _could_ back out now," Chris offered, "but that would mean giving the win to Dawn." Alejandro became serious, looking over his shoulder at Dawn and the other campers, then over at the sparkling trailer.

"I'll do it," the handsome boy said. He looked back one last time and nodded at Jo, who returned the gesture. Alejandro turned his gaze back to the crate, took a deep breath, and opened the door.

The timer began the moment he stepped inside. The door slammed shut, and the crate began to shake vigorously as more roars and growls could be heard inside.

"Psst!" Jo hissed awkwardly as the camera quick-panned over to the other campers, the sounds of Alejandro's challenge still in the background. "Hey!" Jo hissed again, gaining the attention of Amy in the row above her.

"What do _you_ want?" the cheerleader whispered back.

"Come find me after the challenge, I wanna talk to you and your boy-toy about tonight's vote!" the jock-ette answered.

" _Fine_ ," Amy spat back, "but it better not be a waste of time." Jo rolled just rolled her eyes and went back to watching the final torture. The camera panned to Amy's left, showing Scarlett watching the two with a look of suspicion on her face.

/

Back at center stage, the crate had stopped moving as the timer ran out. Moments later, Alejandro emerged with a cocky smile on his face, none the worse for wear. "Truly a _magnificent_ creature," he said loudly with a glance back at the open door, "it was an _honor_ to meet it."

"And Alejandro wins!" Chris announced, the bell ringing one last time and triumphant music rising in the background. "Which means Dawn is _ou_ _t_ _!_ " In the stands, the petite young woman moaned as she, too, was forced into stocks. "He wins the challenge, invincibility, _and_ the grand prize!" The trailer was shown again, still sparkling and with a maskless Chef to further motion to its grandeur.

"Excelente!" Alejandro exclaimed, jogging up to it and putting his arms as far around it as he could. "Oh comfort, how I have missed you!"

"While Alejandro checks out his trailer full of food," Chris said to the bound losers, "the rest of you can go to the confessional booth and vote off a camper... other than Alejandro..."

/

"So, like, what did you want to talk about?" Amy asked as she and Lightning approached Jo somewhere in the woods behind the cabins. "Because we're voting for _Samey_ this time."

"Yeah," the uber-jock chimed in, "she's too much of a _loser_ to stay. Couldn't even handle a few _plant_ _s_ _!_ "

"I'm not saying you're not right," Jo told them, "'cause you are, but wouldn't it be better to keep your sister on a little while longer while we pick off her wimpy little friends first?"

Amy narrowed her eyes for a moment, then grinned deviously and rubbed her hands together. "Ooh, I _like_ it! Serves her _right_ for thinking she can turn people against me."

"Exactly!" Jo smirked.

The three conspirators were drawn to the unexpected clearing of a throat nearby. "Pardon me," Scarlett said, "but I overheard your plan, and I'd like to join it."

"Why?" Jo asked, brow raising in skepticism.

"I have my reasons," the redheaded brainiac answered. "Suffice to say, breaking apart Samey's unofficial alliance benefits me as well, and I can contribute a minimum of one further vote apart from my own."

"Then welcome aboard!" Jo told her, extending a hand. Scarlett smirked, and the two shook.

/

After the standard opening shot for the campfire ceremony, Chef was shown silhouetted against the moon, howling like a wolf.

"Okay!" Chris said as the scene cut to him at his makeshift podium. "So first up, I ran out of marshmallows."

"Bummer, dude." Geoff said, the thirteen campers shown sitting on an equal number of logs, indicating two had been added since the previous ceremony.

"So instead," the host continued, "you're just gonna come stand over here when I call your name. Alejandro, you have invincibility, so you're up first!" The charmer smirked and made his way across the clearing.

"Next up, Bridgette and Geoff!" The two blondes smiled at each other, and made haste to leave their seats. "Lightning and B, come on down!"

"Sha-score!" the jock perked up, striking a pose and jogging past the calmer B.

"DJ! Shawn! Scarlett! Dakota!" One by one, those whom the host called to came and joined the growing group of those still in the game. "Samey!" A look of delight appeared on the nice twin's face, and she quickly went to stand with her gentle giant friend.

"Jo!" Chris announced, and the jock-ette pumped her fist. "Only two left," the host continued as Jo joined the group of winners, where DJ and Sammy were looking particularly nervous. Dawn and Amy glared at each other, the former with pursed lips and the latter with a sinister smile.

" _Amy_ ," the host said solemnly.

" _What_ _?!_ " Dawn exclaimed, popping up from her seat.

"You heard the man," Amy told her, crossing her arms, "so hurry up and _leave_ already!"

Dawn sighed deeply but obliged.

/

At the threshold to the Dock of Shame, Dawn stood one last time with Sammy and DJ. The short girl kissed the nice twin's forehead, then stood on her tiptoes and kissed the gentle giant as well on his cheek. She then threw her arms around them both.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't able to last longer," she told them. "I'll miss you both very much."

"Don't worry about it," DJ told her with a blush and a pat on the back.

"Yeah," Sammy added similarly, "you did the best you could."

"Thank you, friends." Dawn told them both before drawing them closer. "Be careful around Alejandro and Scarlett," she whispered, "they are _not_ to be trusted." Her eyes narrowed as she looked behind them to where the handsome devil himself waved her off with a dark look on his face unnoticed by the others. Dawn broke the hug and sadly waved her friends goodbye, boarding the Boat of Losers and speeding off into the night. Sammy and DJ were left slightly bewildered, and lingered at the edge of the pier.

"How about a celebration at my new trailer?" Alejandro asked the group behind them, eliciting a few cheers from the other campers.

"Anyone seen my other lucky hat?" Geoff asked in a murmur as the larger group left the broken trio behind.

/

The background music became ominous as the scene faded into a shot of the moon; it panned down to the opening of a cave, where several open suitcases and their former contents were strewn on the ground. A pair of distinctly different growls were heard before the camera cut to the interior.

Sasquatchanakwa, the large ape-man seen in the show's opening, eagerly lifted a hat similar to Geoff's to his head and admired himself in a hand mirror. The camera panned over to Molotov the bear, still furless but now wearing a set of Sam's clothing and playing one of the gamer's handheld consoles. He looked over at the other luggage pilferer, and laughed in a way reminiscent of the eliminated contestant whose things he was using.

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cool. So. Bet a bunch of you new readers were shocked, huh? I hope you were, at least. Three returnees, and none of them booted right away? I can't imagine that happens in just every TDI retelling.
> 
> The reason why, though, is a story. According to my notes, the initial plan was just to bring back Lightning and Dakota, with the latter being the blatantly obvious endpoint of her internship subplot while the former was just someone who amused me.
> 
> Then, after Amy was eliminated in the original run on ff.net, a reviewer expressed a desire to see her return at the merge. Which got my mind to thinking about her role in the story, both in this season and in the greater trilogy, and eventually decide that bringing her back was, in fact, worth it.
> 
> So then the plan became Amy and Dakota as the merge returnees... but that got dropped pretty quickly when I realized that there was a problem later on that having three people return would solve quite nicely. Namely, the problem of 'Camp Castaways'. For those who have forgotten, that episode features the Final Four getting washed away by a flood while they sleep, forcing them to fend for themselves for a while before eventually making it back to camp. It was a non-elimination episode in canon, with the time that would have been devoted to it instead used to 'eliminate' joke character Mr. Coconut.
> 
> Now, keeping the non-elimination would have been fine in theory. But my mindset while writing this series was very much that any scene in canon needed a Shuffled equivalent if possible, which meant that I needed something to boot in that episode. Except that the planned cast for that point in the game really didn't have anyone suitable for replicating Owen's little bout of oddballery in creating Mr. Coconut, which was a problem I needed to solve.
> 
> Which, as stated, was solved quite nicely by just having an extra person in the cast at that point in the game. So, yeah. To all you new readers, know that there will be a proper elimination in Camp Castaways. You have been warned.
> 
> Oh yeah, another thing to note upon reviewing my notes: this whole 'three returnees' set-up actually created a problem of its own, by having one to many campers going into 'Trial by Tri-Armed Triathlon', the canon Final Six episode. Since it doesn't really work without having exactly six players, I opted to switch it and 'After the Dock of Shame' (the episode where the eliminated contestants vote on someone to join them) in the episode order.
> 
> In other words, 'After the Dock of Shame' will be our Final Seven, 'Trial by Tri-Armed Triathlon' our Final Six, and 'Camp Castaways' our Final Five. Once more, new readers, you have been warned.
> 
> Not much else to say, really. Dawn got the honor of being the merge boot due to her abilities posing a massive threat to the villains of the game, but luckily her story is far from over.
> 
> So, as always, let me know what you thought, and I'll see you all next time.
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (RETURNED)
> 
> Ezekiel - (21st Place)
> 
> Sugar - (20th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (RETURNED)
> 
> Amy - (RETURNED)
> 
> Scott - (19th Place)
> 
> Beth - (18th Place)
> 
> Sierra - (17th Place)
> 
> Topher - (16th Place)
> 
> Sam - (15th Place)
> 
> Beardo - (14th Place)
> 
> Dawn - (13th Place)


	16. Search and Do Not Destroy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want a reminder, the remaining contestants are as follows:
> 
> Girls \- Amy, Bridgette, Dakota, Jo, Sammy, Scarlett
> 
> Boys \- Alejandro, B, DJ, Geoff, Lightning, Shawn
> 
> \- Fangren

"Last time, on Total Drama Island!" The first shot shown was of the thirteen campers in their tiered seats on the amphitheater stage, the former team logos appearing on-screen and clashing against each other in a shower of stars. "The teams were dissolved, leaving each and every camper to look out for number one!" The scene of the five girls dropping their hands and stepping apart was followed by Amy and Lightning's return, complete with the thunderstorm backdrop. "And just to add a little more _drama_ to the mix, Dakota, Amy, and Lightning returned for more fun!" Dakota was shown getting dumped unceremoniously from Chef's shoulder, and a shot followed of nearly all the campers in stocks during the final parts of the episode's challenge.

"The campers were made to suffer _all_ manner of abuse in the 'No Pain, No Game' challenge." The nose hair plucking, chainsaw haircut, and turtle puckshot tortures were shown briefly, followed by a shot of Chris spinning the wheel. "Amy forced her own sister to go to the 'Poison Ivy spa' despite Dawn volunteering to take her place," both the petite mystic and the spa treatment itself were shown quickly, "and in a stunning display of charm, Alejandro managed to tame the savage Sasquatchanakwa," the charmer was shown walking into the crate, and the container thrashing for a moment, before walking back out.

"He won invincibility for himself," Alejandro was shown putting his arms around his new trailer, "and after pulling a few _strings_ ," Jo speaking to Amy and Scarlett was shown, "it was _Dawn_ who got sent to the docks." The surprise elimination transitioned into Dawn's final goodbye to DJ and Sammy, as well as her glare at the one who'd gotten her eliminated. "Now that the campers are forced to fend for themselves, who will be selfless? Who will be sel _f_ _ish_ _?_ And _who_ will eat _shellfi_ _sh_ _?_ "

"Stay tuned for the most _thrilling_ episode yet," Chris told the camera from a close-up on the docks, "on Total! Drama! Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

A distance shot of the camp set to a soft tune began the episode. A flock of geese flew across the sky, and as the music played the scene switched over to a hollow in a tree as a squirrel climbed out onto a branch and blearily rubbed the sleep from its eyes. A bird passed over it and made a beeline to the trailer that had been won in the previous episode; it came to a brief landing on top before the door slammed open and Alejandro emerged, stretching his arms and already dressed.

/

The scene panned down from the sun cresting over the distant hills to the docks, where DJ and Sammy sat side-by-side, legs dangling into the lake.

"It's so hard to believe that Dawn's gone," Sammy said over the sound of the the water splashing up against the support posts. "It's _weird_ not having her here with us."

"I know how you feel," DJ told her. "It felt like we were _safe_ when the three of us were together, 'cause we always had each other's backs. Never really expected her to just... be _gone_ one day."

The two leaned against one another, and quietly looked out over the lake.

xxx

"I'm not gonna lie," DJ confessed, "a part of me really wanted to ask Sammy out when we were sittin' on the docks together. But with Dawn gone, and me not bein' sure which of us she even _likes_ , there's no _way_ I could make a move!" He slumped his shoulders, and gave the camera a sheepish look. "Heck, I don't even know who _I_ like!"

xxx

The morning reverie was broken by a shot from a cannon, the fuse lit by Chris who was currently wearing a pirate captain costume. The cannonball howled towards where Alejandro was relaxing in a chair, the young man startled out of his state of relaxation as his hard-earned trailer exploded behind him.

"Arrrr, maties!" Chris said into his megaphone with a stereotypical pirate's accent and similarly-themed music in the background. "Meet me at the amphitheater in five minutes, and I'll tell you about today's challenge!"

/

A shot of the stage showed both host and assistant standing on it with a sheet-covered lump between them. Chef, like Chris, wore a pirate hat, but that was the extent of his regalia. In the foreground, the campers streamed in to the seats, dividing themselves according to their original teams – Dakota in particular was shown to have abandoned her intern uniform in favor of her original outfit. Alejandro was the last to arrive, angrily carrying his slightly-smoking bags. Geoff and Bridgette shared a glance, and the camera cut to the stage proper.

"Well, my little scallywags," Chris began, "have we got an adventure in store for ye!" The fake macaw on his shoulder tilted forward with a squeak, but the host quickly pushed it back into place.

"What's under the sheet?" Geoff asked jovially.

"All in good time, laddie!" the host answered. "Who here has a hankerin' for a good old-fashioned _treasure h_ _unt_ _?_ " A few dramatic notes were played as Jo snorted and rolled her eyes. "Now, this treasure hunt's got a _twist_ , mateys!" Chris explained. "What you're lookin' for isn't _hidd_ _en_ _!_ And, it isn't _treasu_ _re_ _!_ "

"If there's no _hidden treasure_ ," Shawn asked, "then how is this a _treasure h_ _unt_ _?_ "

"Arr, shiver me timbers!" the host replied with enough vigor to cause his fake parrot to fall entirely off his shoulder. "Good question, me boy! You're lookin' for _keys_ ," he held up an example, "to a _treasure ches_ _t_ _!_ " On cue, Chef pulled back the sheet to reveal a stack of three gleaming chests.

"Inside each of these chests," Chris continued as the camera zoomed in on the potential prize boxes, "is a treasure that will _pamper_ you, land-lubbers! And," the shot changed to a pan across the two groups of teens, " _one_ of these chests will even give you, _invincibility_!" He laughed heartily as Chef walked into view with a metal bucket holding several of what looked to be short wooden boards. "Now come 'round, and pull a clue out of this _bucket_! Or you'll have to walk the _pla_ _nk_ _!_ "

DJ and Sammy shared an anxious look before the footage flashed forward.

/

Twelve hands grabbed all at once, emptying the bucket. "These clues will tell ye where your key be stowed!" Chris told them, the camera showing both groups of six examining what they'd picked.

Shawn's was focused on first, showing a solid black image of a bear and key against the white papered glued to the piece of wood. "A bear?" he said in disbelief. " _Serious_ _ly_ _?!_ "

"I was kinda hopin' you'd get that one, dude," Chris told him, dropping the accent. "And that there is the septic tank for the washrooms!" he told Amy, who immediately cringed and dropped her clue – the image on it showed a tank of water with a key inside.

"Ooh, and Chef's fridge!" he told B, suddenly popping up on the other side of the stage. "I hear he brushes it daily for fingerprints." The large boy immediately began rubbing his chin, looking thoughtful.

"And of course," the grinning host told Geoff, whose clue showed the silhouette of a familiar ape-man, "our old friend, _Sasquatchanak_ _wa_ _!_ Good luck with that one, you'll need it." He gave the party boy a pat on the shoulder as he raised an eyebrow and scratched his head.

"All you scallywags," Chris announced in his pirate accent, once more in the center of the stage, "go find your keys, and bring them back by 6:00 pm, Eastern Standard Time," he pointed to the gold watch on his wrist, "to open up the chest, and get your loot!" A short clip was shown of his hand inserting a key into one of the chests and it opening, a golden glow hiding the contents.

"Fare thee well, young scallywags!" he told them. "Now get to it!"

xxx

"Uggh, I can't believe they expect me to dive into a _septic tank_ ," Amy griped in the outhouse. "Like, can there _be_ anything more disgusting? This is something _Samey_ should have gotten."

xxx

"Yeah, woohoo, _lovin'_ the treasure hunt here Chris," Shawn said, layered with sarcasm and with his hands waving in the air. "Too bad for _me_ I've made it my life goal _not_ to get eaten! Granted," he admitted, "I was expecting _zombies_ , but bears are pretty scary too when it comes right down to it."

xxx

The footage cut back to a shot of a key hanging on a wooden pole in the lake, the shot expanding to reveal a trio of shark fins circling it and the surfer girl standing on the dock in her wetsuit.

"Bridgette's first challenge," Chris narrated, "to grab her key from the man-eating shark infested lake!" The young woman crossed her arms, smirked, then walked away. A flash transitioned to her reappearance, carrying a bucket with various fish parts sticking out the top. With one great heave she threw the chum entirely off-screen, causing the three sharks to immediately give chase and disappear. She dove into the water, and returned moments later to the edge of the dock with the key in her hand.

Geoff walked up to the edge and helped her back onto the pier, and the blondes shared a smile. "That was a snap," Bridgette said confidently.

/

"B must retrieve his key from Chef's bank vault of a fridge without getting caught," the host said as the silent young man looked from his clue to the kitchen. He entered with nonchalance, stowing the piece of wood in his coat and taking out a tape measure and a stethoscope. He first tapped on the kitchen window, then took the fridge door's measurements, then placed the bell of the stethoscope to it and knocked on the door twice.

His eyes went wide with fright when he was answered by another two pounding knocks from inside.

/

"Hmm, it should be around here somewhere...," Alejandro said to himself as he walked through the woods. In the foreground, a skunk poked its head out a hole in the ground, catching the handsome boy's eye before it retreated back into its burrow.

"Wait, please!" the charmer called, enticing the mustelid back into the near-open. Its stench was already visible as it peered at the human warily. "I mean you no harm!" Alejandro said as he rapidly approached and crouched down in front of the hole. "How could I, for a skunk as _beautiful_ as you! Why, your beauty is only surpassed by the strength of your _stench_ , a fact you must no doubt be _proud_ of."

The skunk flushed, and began to groom its tail bashfully.

"Certainly," Alejandro told it, "you wouldn't want to waste such a _potent_ weapon on myself, who means you no harm! I merely wish to ask if you have a _key_ in your home which I can take off your paws. After all," he smiled, "it must _certainly_ be in your way, a trinket for which a _magnificent_ creature such as yourself has no real use."

The skunk thought it over for a moment, then nodded enthusiastically, and disappeared into its burrow. After a moment, it re-emerged with Alejandro's key. It held it up to the human, who took it with another smile. "Gracias, little one," he told it, "you have shown me _true_ kindness. Farewell!" He stood and walked away with the key twirling around his finger, sparing the skunk a parting wave which it happily returned.

The moment he'd gotten out of its sight, Alejandro paused to shudder deeply.

/

The mess hall exterior was shown again, tense music playing in the background as the shot cut inside to a snoring Chef, various knives and a chainsaw spread out on the table in front of him. His slumber was soon interrupted by a sudden racket from behind him outside, loud enough to even drown out the hulking man's initial shouts of anger. However, the anger quickly faded into a knowing smirk as he grabbed the chainsaw and quietly walked out towards the main entrance – away from the source of the noise.

The point-of-view switched to a head-on shot as he burst through the front door in an exaggerated fashion. The camera focused on his darkly expectant face as he looked around from the doorway, oblivious to the kitchen window opening in the background and B crawling in head-first as the sound behind the building faded away.

Chef frowned and nearly turned around, but at that moment another noisemaker – cobbled together from an old alarm clock and other random pieces of metal – activated on the roof a few feet away from the main entrance. Too busy swiping at the device with his chainsaw in an effort to stop it – and no longer in view of the kitchen regardless – Chef didn't notice B retrieving the key from the fridge and squeezing back out the window, closing it behind him.

/

"I guess this is the place," Geoff said as he lifted his hat to scratch his forehead, looking between his clue and the nearby cave entrance. With him was Bridgette, who spotted something off-camera and pushed Geoff behind a bush.

"Definitely," she said with wide eyes, "the sasquatch is _totally_ in there! Look!" She moved a branch aside and pointed, the camera following it to catch a glimpse of the ape-man walking out into the forest. He was wearing a hat similar to Geoff's.

"Whoa, is that my lucky hat?" the party boy asked. "I've been _wondering_ where that went!" He tried to stand up, but Bridgette pulled him back by the hem of his shirt.

xxx

"I _love_ my hats, man!" Geoff confessed, giving the one on his head a flick. "I _always_ have a blast when I'm wearin' one, that's why I brought 'em to camp with me!"

xxx

"That's not _all_ it has," she whispered with another point. The ape-man took a key out from somewhere unseen, the camera focusing on it briefly while it was used as a toothpick. " _Gross_!" Bridgette exclaimed, sticking her tongue out. She turned to look at her companion, but he'd disappeared.

"Hey yeti dude!" he called as he jogged towards the cave. "Can I have my hat back?"

Sasquatchanakwa noticed his approach and became defensive, the background music taking a dramatic spike as he clutched the hat in his hands and growled.

"Whoa there," Geoff said as he skid to a halt and put his hands forward, "no need to get mad, bro, I don't want any trouble, just my hat."

"And the _key_ , Geoff, the _ke_ _y_ _!_ " Bridgette called from the bushes.

"Oh yeah, and the key too," the party boy nodded. "Uh, pretty please?" he added when the sasquatch bared its teeth at him and clutched both objects tighter.

xxx

" _How_ is he gonna get his _hat_ back?" Bridgette said, head in her hands. "How is he gonna get his _k_ _ey_ _?!_ " She let out a deep sigh. "There has to be _some_ way of doing this, something we're _missing_..."

xxx

A close-up of a clue was shown, the image portraying a key over a fire. The black-skinned hand lowered it, revealing a raised ring of fire with the key dangling in the center, and fast-paced dramatic music began to play. Lightning grinned, and easily jumped through the hoop. "Lightning's athleticism seems to be helping him with his challenge," Chris narrated as the uber-jock landed in a crouch, and raised his key to the camera.

/

"While Dakota is pretty much out of her _league_ ," the host continued as the scene changed to the heiress. She was struggling to climb a tree, the key hanging on a large branch. She tried to grab the bough, but a woodpecker landed nearby and began pecking away at the wood, forcing the girl to withdraw her hand.

/

Amy's clue was shown closely as she stood near one of the putrid toilets. She lowered it and looked around the stall at the pieces of unused toilet paper and assorted flies, and wretched. "Meanwhile, back in the communal washrooms," Chris snickered, "things are looking to be too _deep_ for Amy!" The cheerleader folded arms, scowled, and stormed off.

/

The next clue shown depicted a beehive, the camera moving back to reveal Scarlett studying the location from a good distance. She snapped her fingers and smiled, then briefly dashed out of view. Moments later she was back with a small black pellet and a slingshot. Taking careful aim, she hit the branch above the hive and released a cloud of smoke around it. As even the bees buzzing around outside took shelter, the brainiac confidently raised her sweater over her nose and mouth, then dashed into the thick smoke.

Seconds later she re-emerged, key in hand. "And now to leave before the smoke dissipates," she told herself, jogging away from the area.

/

A key glistened around a bear's neck as it padded around sleepily. As it yawned and laid down to sleep, the camera panned over to what appeared to be a normal cave wall – until a pair of eyes opened in the middle of it. Shawn, covered in camouflage paint, tiptoed towards his target. "Okay," he whispered as he made his way to the front of the bear, "I can do this. Just grab the key and _run_."

He reached down to grab his prize, but the bear shifted in its sleep and covered the key with a paw. Startled by the sudden movement, Shawn squeaked and backed up to the nearest wall until he was flat against it and blending in.

/

Another clue showed a snake, and as with the others it was lowered to show the animal in question – a rattlesnake – coiled around the key. DJ and Sammy watched it cautiously from a distance, the gentle giant holding the piece of wood.

"So, what're you gonna do?" the girl asked.

"Dunno," the boy answered. "I don't wanna get bitten, but I also don't wanna hurt it. Maybe if I scare it, it'll slither away and leave the key?"

"Sounds like a good plan," Sammy told him, "I hope it works..."

"Yeah, me too...," DJ murmured, the scene flashing forward to show him holding a long, leafy branch. He shook the green end close to the snake a couple times, but it only rattled angrily. DJ frowned and thrust the branch forward, but rather than fleeing the snake launched forward and bit into the wood.

DJ yelped and flailed, inadvertently throwing the rattlesnake high and away over the trees. "Sorry!" he called before he and Sammy walked forward and claimed the key it had left behind.

"Well, looks like I'm next," the cheerleader said, pulling out her own clue; the camera zoomed in, revealing the silhouette of a rabbit ext to the key. "It doesn't look too bad, though."

"Yeah," the animal lover smiled, "how hard can it be? It's just a cute little rabbit!"

Sammy nodded, then gasped. "Ooh, what if it's _Bunn_ _y_ _?!_ "

"You really think it might be him?" DJ asked her, eyes lighting up.

"I guess we'll just have to go find out!" Sammy smiled, and the two ran off.

A flash forward put the pair in front of both key and rabbit. Sammy bent down and DJ knelt, the two beckoning the adorable forest animal forward. "Here, bunny bunny bunny!" the gentle giant said with a smile.

The rabbit looked at them and roared. They both screamed, and Sammy even jumped into DJ's arms. "I don't think that's Bunny," she said in terror.

"I think you're right!" he replied squeakily, trembling all over.

/

The scene cut to Lightning doing push-ups in front of the boys' cabin, key hanging around his neck. "There you are!" Amy berated as she walked into view. "Where have you been, I've been looking all _over_ for you!"

"Hey girl!" the jock answered cheerfully, stopping his workout and getting to his feet. "Just getting' my key! It was a snap for the _Lightnin_ _g_ _!_ "

"Well, good for you," she told him bitterly. " _Mine_ is still at the bottom of the _septic tank_. Would _you_ wanna dive into a place so," she shuddered, "totally _gros_ _s_ _?_ "

"Sure," he told her, "if it meant I win!"

"Yeah, well," she answered with a roll of her eyes, " _Samey_ is the one who does the stinky gross things in my family, not _me_. But speaking of my loser sister, have you seen her or her pathetic little boyfriend anywhere?"

"You mean DJ?" Lightning asked. "I think they went into the woods together at the start of the challenge, haven't seen 'em since."

"Uggh," the mean girl spat, "she's _never_ where I _want_ her to be. Whatever," she huffed, "at least I figured out how to get rid of him so she's alone again, just like she _should_ be. We just need to wait until they're alone..."

Lightning raised an eyebrow at his girlfriend's devious look.

/

The next key was shown inside a wine glass on top a rock surrounded by water. The camera quickly zoomed out to show that a ladder had been set up on either side of the small pool, and a dilapidated plank bridge hung across them. Jo was on the bridge, balancing in the gap over her target where two of the steps had been broken. Down below, a pair of alligators snapped at her.

"You'll never get me," she yelled at them, "so just give up!"

/

"Oh, I know!" Bridgette said, suddenly perking up from behind her bush. Geoff was still facing down Sasquatchanakwa without any progress, and both the air and the background music were tense. "We can-"

"No," Geoff told her without taking his eyes off the ape-man. "Sorry Bridge, but I couldn't live with myself if you got hurt. So whatever happens, don't worry about me. I _promise_ I'll be back by the end of the challenge."

"Geoff...," she said softly as the bare-chested young man grabbed a few rocks off the ground and tossed them up and down in one hand.

"Hey ugly!" he said, rearing back to throw as Sasquatchanakwa's nostrils flared. "Eat this!" With a grim smile he pelted the ape-man with stones, most of which bounced off it harmlessly. He paused at the end of the throw, fear returning to him as his adversary scratched where the larger stones had hit its face, then drew up to its full height and roared.

Geoff ran screaming into the woods away from Bridgette, the furious Sasquatchanakwa chasing after. The hat and key had been forgotten in its rage, and the surfer quickly picked them up and shot a look of concern in the direction her crush had gone.

/

The footage cut over to the cabins, Lightning once again doing push-ups in the common area. DJ jogged into view, headed for the boys' cabin and looking slightly anxious.

"Yo man, hold up!" the uber-jock said, stopping the gentle giant before he reached the porch and taking a pink envelope – sealed with a kiss – out of his pocket. "I found this on the floor," he said at DJ's questioning look, "it's got your name on it, looks important too. Here!" He thrust the kiss-marked envelope into the other boy's hands with a grin.

"Uhh, thanks dude, but I'm kinda busy right now...," DJ said, turning it over in his hands.

"Come on, you could at least open it and see what it is!" Lightning implored. "I mean, maybe it'll help you with, _uh_ , whatever it is you're doin'!"

DJ looked from his roommate to the envelope, shrugged, and opened it. "Hey cutie," he read aloud, one eyebrow immediately shooting up, "if you wanna get a sweet surprise, come meet me at the Dock of Shame at five. Love, your Secret Admirer?"

xxx

"Who'd be sendin' _me_ a love letter?" a bewildered DJ asked the confession cam. "I mean, it looks like a _girl_ wrote it, but I'm pretty sure Bridgette and Dakota are into Geoff and Sam, and it's no secret that Amy likes Lightning – not that I'd ever give _her_ the time of day. So that leaves Scarlett and Jo, but neither of _them_ seem like the type who sends secret love letters. And it can't be Sammy," he started to blush, "I've been with her all day, she'd've _said_ somethin' by now. Right?"

xxx

A shot was shown of a lone seagull floating offshore, its head stuck in a plastic soda pop bottle wrapper. An alligator snapped it up from below, and the camera cut to the docks.

The person waiting on the pier did indeed seem to be Sammy, but for a slight discoloration on her right cheek. She spotted DJ walking down from the common area and sent a smile, wave, and wink his way.

"Sammy?" he asked in confusion once he'd gotten closer. "I thought you were-"

"Oh, never mind about _that_...," the cheerleader said, sidling up to him. "Did you get my note?"

"Yeah," DJ said, "Lightning gave it to me. But what about-"

"That doesn't _matter_ right now," the blonde interrupted again. "What matters is _us_." She put a hand on his and looked deep into his eyes, only breaking her gaze for a moment to look behind him.

DJ's look of confusion morphed into a smile. "Cool," he said, putting his hands on her shoulders "I've been wantin' to talk to you about that too, but first, I _gotta_ know: where'd you put Bunny? I don't want him to get lost again."

Irritation briefly flashed across the girl's face, and she looked behind the gentle giant once again. "Oh, don't worry, I just put him in the cabin. Anyway," her tone became seductive as she stepped forward and put her arms around his neck, "about _us_ -"

" _Real_ _ly_ _?_ " DJ interrupted, brushing her arms off and stepping back. "Because nobody's seen Bunny for like two _weeks_ , which the _real_ Sammy knows." The cheerleader's eyes went wide with shock. "I'd say nice try, Amy, but you're pretty _bad_ at bein' your sister."

Amy quickly composed herself into a pout and rubbed the make-up off her beauty mark, tears beginning to form in the corners of her eyes. "I'm sorry for lying DJ," she said with another quick glance behind him, "but can you blame me? I didn't want you to turn out like all of her _other_ boyfriends, you're too _nice_ for that."

Seeing the giant's disbelief, she continued with a sniff. "I mean, like, she always pretends that she's the _nice_ twin, and that I'm, like, super _mean_ to her, just so boys treat her better. She gets them to give her everything she _wants_ , and then when she gets bored she just dumps them like they're garbage, and I-" she sniffed again, and began to cry, "I just couldn't stand knowing that she was going to do that to you too!"

DJ just crossed his arms and shook his head at her. "Sorry girl, but Momma didn't raise no _fool_. If you were tellin' the truth, then Dawn woulda seen it, and _she_ woulda told _me_."

"You'd really believe that _freak_ over _m_ _e_ _?_ " Amy said, tears pausing as she looked behind the boy yet again.

"Yeah," the giant told her, "I do. But I don't even _have_ to, everyone can see how you treat Sammy, and I gotta say, it's _messed up_."

The crying girl's eyes lit up briefly after another check of the beach. "I can tell she's already gotten to you," Amy said, "but maybe _this_ will make you realize who's telling the truth!" She stepped forward, lips puckered and headed straight for DJ's.

[[LEFT OFF HERE]]

Nearby, Sammy was holding a bundle of leaves and greens, mouth gaping as the scene unfolded before her. Lightning was behind her, hands on her shoulders and a frown on his face.

Unwittingly, DJ had finally bothered to turn and see what Amy had been looking at behind his broad frame. Doing so caused Amy to miss him entirely, and with her eyes closed she stumbled and fell into the lake. DJ, who had been waving at his real friend, was alerted by the splash and looked down to see the irate older twin rise to the surface of the water. He shrugged and jogged over to Sammy, passing Lightning on the way as the jock ran to the pier.

"Uhh, umm, wh-what was _that_ about?" Sammy stammered in frantic horror.

"That?" DJ answered with a shrug and a look back to the lake. "Your sister tried to trick me into turnin' against you or somethin'."

"Oh," the nice girl said nervously, "yeah, she _always_ does that to my friends. You, uh, you don't _believe_ her, right?"

"Of course not!" DJ said reassuringly. "Your sister's too _messed up_ for me to believe a word she says!"

Sammy let go of her breath. "Oh em gee, you have no _idea_ how happy I am to hear that." She smiled at him, then looked down at the plants in her hands. "Oh right! I found some of the stuff Bunny liked. Hopefully we can use it to distract that _other_ rabbit."

"Yeah," the animal lover smiled, "but we'd better hurry if we wanna get your key."

/

The scene changed back to a cave, focusing in slightly then cutting to a close-up of the sleeping bear. Shawn, still camouflaged against the stone, had dropped down on his hands and knees and with a face full of terror, he slowly slid a hand beneath the animal. He stopped suddenly, the fear momentarily replaced with excitement, but just as quickly switching back to fear as he slowly moved his hand back out. The camera focused on the key as it was freed from the mass of fur and flesh, but as Shawn moved further back the string still around the bear's neck jolted.

"Aww, crap...," Shawn muttered as the bear stirred and opened its eyes, fixing a glare on the terrified young human.

/

As DJ and Sammy ran through the woods, a sharp crack and high-pitched scream forced them to stop as a large branch fell across their path. Clutching it closely and trembling was Dakota, who quickly noticed both her fellow campers as well as the camera. She composed herself and snatched her key, then stood and struck a pose. "Looks like I finally got it!" she said happily before looking at the greens in her fellow blonde's arms. "And what's with the _leafy_ stuff?"

"Oh," Sammy told her, "this is for my challenge. The rabbit was actually pretty _scary_ , so we went back to the cabins to get some food for it."

"Yeah," DJ added, "but then Amy slowed us down by tryin' to mess with my head. Even tried to _kiss_ me!"

Dakota gasped. "Really? That's _aw_ _ful_ _!_ We should _totally_ vote her out tonight if we can."

"Well, if you wanna help us get rid of her...," Sammy trailed off with an uncertain smile on her face.

" _Total_ _ly_ _!_ " the former intern said, putting her hand on the cheerleader's shoulder. "I'll go tell the others, you can count on me!"

"Thanks a lot!" DJ said with a wave as she ran off.

xxx

"Okay," Dakota said in the confessional as she filed her nails, "so, with Sam gone I'm in need of allies. DJ and... what's her name? Sammy? Samey? Whatever, they're not _exactly_ who I'd usually hang around with in public, but they'll do. And I wasn't lying, what Amy did _was_ pretty bad. I mean, trying to steal another girl's boyfriend? I mean, _hello_ , can you _get_ any more evil?"

xxx

The footage skipped ahead to Dakota returning to the campground, struggling to catch her breath. Bridgette was sitting on the steps of the girls' cabin, holding onto Geoff's hat and looking around with worry on her face.

"Bridgette!" Dakota called, gaining her second wind. "I need to tell you something."

"Have you seen Geoff?" the surfer said immediately, her eyes lighting up.

"Err, no, sorry," the heiress told her, causing the girl to slump back down. Dakota disregarded it, and switched into a gossipy tone. "But apparently _Amy_ tried to kiss _DJ_ in front of _Samey_ even though she's already dating _Lightning_."

"Wow," Bridgette told her without enthusiasm, "that's... actually pretty messed up."

"Yeah, that's what _I_ thought," Dakota nodded. "We should vote her off tonight, okay?"

"Fine with me!" the surfer told her, flashing a weak smile.

/

Another cut back to Sammy and DJ showed them once again approaching the rabbit guarding Sammy's key, using the greens she'd gathered to try and entice it away from its post.

"Come on little guy," the brickhouse said softly, "come get your dinner..."

The rabbit sniffed in his direction and Sammy stretched out her hand around it, but before it could hop away from the key the camp loudspeakers squeaked on. "Alright, campers!" Chris announced. "Meet me at the campfire in _ten_! And bring your keys!"

Sammy sighed and slouched, DJ consoling her with a pat on the back.

/

The scene faded to black, then back into a shot of Bridgette sitting glumly on a stump at the campfire pit. She looked around, then lit up with joy. The camera panned over to a thoroughly roughed-up Geoff as he staggered into the clearing, and the surfer quickly ran past the other campers to hug him.

"I told ya I'd make it back in time," he said as she broke the hug and handed over his key and second hat.

" _Yarr_ ," Chris interrupted as a jaunty pirate tune played, the camera panning over to show him with a boot on the end of a row of chests. "It be time to claim your treasure! Those fortunate enough to bear a precious key," he said as the other campers were shown watching expectantly, "come forth with it!" He motioned to a group of twelve identical treasure chests arranged beneath the entrance post, six on each side.

/

The first key used was in the hands of Lightning, a mix of surprise and disappointment appearing on his face as he saw what he'd won. "Sha- _wha_ _t_ _?!_ Is this the best you got?" he exclaimed, holding up the bag of chips and lone candy bar that had been hidden within. Chris nodded impishly.

/

Next was Shawn, still in his camouflage but looking considerably worse for wear. He fiddled with one of the locks, then grunted in annoyance. "Excuse me," he told the host, "but, uhh, my key doesn't seem to _work_!"

"Oh, _yeah_ ," Chris told him with a laugh. "I forgot to mention that some of the keys don't open up _any_ chests!"

"You mean I got mauled by a bear for _nothin_ _g_ _?!_ " the survivalist said, utterly livid.

"Pretty much," the host smiled. Shawn groaned, and smacked his head against the chest he'd failed to open.

/

Alejandro and B were shown retrieving their prizes from adjacent chests. The taller young man was perplexed to have received a toaster, while the silent one coolly held up a gift basket with a gold-bordered red card sticking out prominently.

"An invincibility pass, if I'm not mistaken?" Alejandro asked as B took a closer look at it. He nodded, showing off the marshmallow printed on the front of it. "Congratulations on being so lucky, then!" Alejandro added, turning around to hide his annoyance from the coat-wearer.

/

Bridgette opened her chest and happily withdrew a pair of two-Liter soda bottles, looking over to Scarlett, who stood with an accordion, and Jo, who'd won a lamp in the shape of a woman's leg.

Geoff was next, reaching into his chest and taking out a small slip of paper. "Wait, so I spent all day running for my life for a _gift car_ _d_ _?_ " he asked.

"For the Tuck Shoppe!" Chris added happily.

Geoff looked at the card for a moment, then pumped his fist. " _Nic_ _e_ _!_ "

"At least _you_ didn't get a stupid _rock_ ," Dakota whined, struggling to hold the large stone up so the camera could see it.

"Hey, I'll have you know that rock is the only one like it on the island!" Chris told her, adding "...That we know of!" a moment later.

/

The camera panned across the campers and their treasure, or lack thereof. From left to right stood Jo looking disgusted at her lamp, Scarlett with her accordion, B and his gift basket, a pouting and empty-handed Amy, a happily eating Lightning, a disappointed Shawn, Alejandro with his toaster, Bridgette and her soda, Geoff and his gift card, Dakota still struggling with the rock, Sammy as empty-handed as her sister, and DJ at the end with purple box with markings labeling it as an inkpen kit.

"I hope everyone got the treasure they were looking for," Chris told them in his normal voice, "and more! But now," the camera cut to his close-up, "it's time to do your duty and send one of you off the island, for good. So cast your votes," he pointed to them before getting into his pirate persona one last time, "and I'll see ye buccaneers back at the campfire after sundown! _Arr_ , ha- _harrr_."

xxx

"I might not have won anything today," Sammy confessed, "but at least Amy's going to be eliminated again! I hope..."

xxx

"You're messed up, girl," DJ said in the second outhouse clip.

xxx

"You leave us no choice!" Bridgette's turn continued the chain.

xxx

B was fourth; he merely frowned and held up a piece of paper with 'Amy' written on it.

xxx

"Uggh, I can't believe my plan didn't work," Amy pouted. "I was _going_ to use it to convince everyone to vote off DJ, but I guess I just have to hope they did it anyway."

xxx

Scarlett sat down and sighed softly. "I don't consider Amy to be a threat to my winning this game," she explained to the camera, "but some concessions must be made to maintain my alliance with the former members of the Killer Bass."

xxx

"Amy is... _disposable_ ," Alejandro confessed. "I would prefer to get rid of Scarlett, but I know it would be a waste of a vote."

xxx

The Campfire Ceremony opened, cutting from the usual shot of the island to a shot of Chris from behind the campers. DJ and B were seated closest to the camera, with Shawn, Bridgette, and Scarlett sitting in the row in front of them.

"And now, the moment we've all been waiting for," Chris began, "the _moment_ of _truth_." He revealed the tray of treats from behind his back and smiled. "Marshmallow time! You know the routine," he said as the viewpoint shifted to the side of the campers, focusing on Scarlett, DJ, Bridgette, Shawn, and Jo. "Whoever doesn't get a marshmallow, it's _curtains_ for you!"

He pointed towards the campers, and one by one their nervous faces were shown. First DJ, then Geoff, then Bridgette, back to Chris narrowing his eyes, then Dakota, and back to a close-up of the marshmallows as the host's fingers reached for the first one. More campers were shown, from an anxious Sammy, to B in his invincibility-induced confidence, the glaring Amy, narrow-eyed Alejandro, and oblivious Lightning.

The focus shifted back to the smiling host as he called off names in quick succession, tossing the marshmallows across the fire as he did. "Scarlett, Geoff, Shawn, Alejandro, Dakota, Bridgette, Samey, Jo, Lightning, DJ, marshmallows for the lot of you!"

As the safe campers happily received their treats, the camera focused in on an increasingly shocked Amy. Jaw hanging open, she looked over to the host and his tray, only to see it gleaming and empty. "Looks like you're out," Chris told the older twin, " _again_."

" _No_...," she whispered, eyes wide and unfocused. "Not again... not to _Samey_..."

"Yes yes, shocking elimination, didn't see it coming, yadda yadda," Chris said, walking over to her. "Are you gonna walk down the Dock of Shame, or am I gonna have to get Chef down here?"

Amy ignored him, and leveled a glare of such ferocity at her sister it made the meek girl whimper and shrink away. "Don't think this is _over_ , Samey," the mean girl hissed. "The next time I see you, you're _dea_ _d_ _!_ " She paused for a moment, then growled. "Actually, forget that, you're dead _no_ _w_ _!_ "

Amy lunged at her sister, but was quickly stopped – DJ was first, and was joined soon after by Geoff. The two boys held each of her arms, preventing her from taking another step towards Sammy as the younger twin was pulled away by Bridgette and Dakota.

"Lightning!" she hissed at her boyfriend. "Stop sitting there and _help m_ _e_ _!_ "

"Girl, _please_ ," he snorted, "you lost fair and square! Ain't _my_ fault your plan didn't work. And y'know what else? Lightning's startin' to think you ain't the winner you _said_ you were!"

A look of utter betrayal passed over Amy's face, soon replaced by angry resignation. Chef came into view and grabbed Amy by the arm as DJ and Geoff stepped aside, but the ex-contestant shrugged it off. "I can do it myself!" she yelled, finally breaking the glare at her sister and storming off to the docks.

The other teens watched her leave in a silence that was finally broken by Chris. "Charming," he said with a smile. "Well, that's it for tonight! I'll see you kids tomorrow."

/

The scene cut to the inside of the girls' cabin as the remaining five residents prepared for bed.

"So, like, was your sister always that _sca_ _ry_ _?_ " Dakota asked, lying on her stomach with her sleeping mask on her forehead.

"Yeah," Bridgette added, "you're gonna be okay when you go back home, right?"

"Probably not," Sammy said as she looked from her bed to the one above it. A few brief flashbacks were shown of Amy delegating the lower bunk to Sammy when DJ accidentally broke it on the first day of the show, of Dawn later occupying the top, and of the elder twin threatening to kick the younger out of the bed to free up space for herself before an elimination removed the need. "But at least I know I'm safe while I'm _here_."

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I still don't like Amy. She has her uses as a character, but ultimately is just too abusive for me to want to spend time and effort developing. That's as true for me now as it was when this series was originally written.
> 
> Not much else to say. I'm still content with the changes I made to the challenge, minor though they are overall. B won it, because I thought it was kinda neat to give him the win at the time. Even though he admittedly does not have much of a presence in the story, sadly.
> 
> Let me know what you all thought, and I'll see you all next time!
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (RETURNED)
> 
> Ezekiel - (21st Place)
> 
> Sugar - (20th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (RETURNED)
> 
> Amy - (RETURNED)
> 
> Scott - (19th Place)
> 
> Beth - (18th Place)
> 
> Sierra - (17th Place)
> 
> Topher - (16th Place)
> 
> Sam - (15th Place)
> 
> Beardo - (14th Place)
> 
> Dawn - (13th Place)
> 
> Amy - (12th Place)


	17. Hide and Be Sneaky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want a reminder, the remaining contestants are as follows:
> 
> Girls \- Bridgette, Dakota, Jo, Sammy, Scarlett
> 
> Boys \- Alejandro, B, DJ, Geoff, Lightning, Shawn
> 
> \- Fangren

"Previously, on Total Drama Island!" Chef uncovering the small pile of chests on the stage was the first clip used in the recap, and was followed by assorted shots of the host in his costume, playing his part and firing the cannon. "Campers searched for treasure, and yours _truly_ put in an impressive performance as a pirate."

"But this was no ordinary treasure hunt," Chris continued as the footage of himself faded into clips of the various sub-challenges. "Some campers put their lives on the line to snag their booty," Lightning, Bridgette, Shawn, Jo, and Geoff were shown getting their keys, "while Amy chickened out of taking a hurl-inducing trip through the septic system." The mean twin was shown looking at her clue, then stomping out of the communal bathroom.

"But in the end," Chris was shown gesturing to the line-up of thirteen chests, "the campers who went the limit were rewarded with treasures that, in hindsight," Lightning revealed his chips and candy bar, with the panning shot of each camper and their treasure coming next, " _probably_ weren't worth the effort. Oh well!" Chris said with a laugh, as one last camper was shown happily taking their prize out of the chest. "Except for B, who to most people's surprise, ended up winning the coveted invincibility pass."

"Meanwhile, Amy's scheming to break up Samey and DJ ended up blowing up in her face," the host continued over clips of Amy and DJ at the docks, including the failed kiss that put Amy in the lake, "and costing her the game."

The shots of Amy angrily stomping away from the campfire pit faded into Chris in his usual pre-show position at the docks. "Who will be the next unlucky camper to walk the Dock of Shame? Who will lose their cool? Who will lose their _lunc_ _h_ _?_ " He moved his hands from a vague shrug to his stomach, then into a point at the camera. "Find out, on the most _shocking_ episode yet, on Total! Drama! Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode opened with a distance shot of the island, the position of the sun signaling mid-morning. A cut took the scene to the steps of the boys' cabin, where B sat on the front steps with Scarlett, Bridgette, and Geoff; the four former Bass were snacking on various chips, sodas, and sweets.

"Oh man," Bridgette said as she savored a candy bar, "Geoff, thank you for sharing that gift card with us!"

"No prob, Bridge!" the party boy told her with a tip of his hat. "Thank _B_ for addin' the primo stuff from _his_ reward! This 'Grape-tastic' stuff is awesome!" He chugged the bottle of purple soda he'd been holding, then belched.

"Yes, well," Scarlett added after a flash of disgust, "it's good knowing that despite our former team being disbanded the four of us are still close."

"Oh, no doubt!" Geoff said happily, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. "The party's just gettin' started for us!"

xxx

"I'd like to take a moment to review the current socio-political landscape at camp," Scarlett said with a trace of smugness on her face. "I presently have the _best_ position. My current allies, in order of their personal value to me, are B, Bridgette, and Geoff. Technically, however, Bridgette and Geoff have not yet consented to an official cooperation agreement, but Bridgette sees me as a close friend, and due to their mutual physical and romantic attraction it is highly likely that Geoff will vote alongside her."

She paused to collect her thoughts, the point-of-view fading outside the confessional outhouse to show the other campers. "At present, my most significant opponent is Alejandro. Based on recent events, I have inferred that he is allied with Jo," the camera focused on the handsome charmer and the aggressive jock-ette having a secret conversation in the woods, their words muted by the voice-over.

"However, due to their personalities and past conflicts, I predict an inevitable betrayal. Aside from Jo, Alejandro is not currently allied with any of the others that I'm aware of, though with Amy's elimination I expect Lightning to join him soon." A silent scene of Alejandro and Lightning talking amicably in a different location was shown.

"Samey and DJ are also in an unofficial alliance," Scarlett continued over a scene of the two walking together through the common area and soon joined by the former intern, "and appear to have been joined by Dakota. However, I do not expect her to be as loyal to them as they are to each other. Normally I'd make a greater effort to reach out to them, but judging by Samey's recent behavioral shift following Dawn's elimination, I suspect that neither will trust me. Fortunately, Bridgette and Geoff seem to have befriended them."

The camera cut back to the inside of the confessional, where the brainiac sat confidently. "The only other player is Shawn, who has as far as I can tell has declined all offers of alliance he's been given. He's an _unknown_ variable, but one which I can safely ignore. My _current_ goal is to gain additional allies, which I don't expect to be exceptionally difficult."

xxx

The footage cut back to the eleven campers assembled with Chris at the end of the docks. "Today's challenge," the host explained, "is a good old-fashioned game of hide and seek. You all get ten minutes to hide, before Chef Hatchet comes looking for you." His devious smile cut to a close-up of the hulking man in his military garb. "With his military background and advanced degree in man-hunting," the screen was split to include a shot of Chef accepting a diploma in a cap and gown before cutting to the man himself standing on the pier in his usual attire, "he's _uniquely_ qualified to make this game _excruciatingly hard_."

Chef took out a large water gun from behind his back and began to pump it. "What's with the _toy_?" Jo asked dismissively before noticing the telltale red dot of a laser sight on her forehead.

"The lifeguard chair is home base," Chris continued as the scene quick-panned to the seat in question, "when he finds you, Chef will try to spray you. _If_ you escape his blast," he walked over to home base and put a hand on one of the legs, "you can _try_ to run to home base. But if he catches you on the way," Chef was shown leveling the barrel of his weapon at the unimpressed jock-ette, "he'll _douse_ you!"

"Please," she scoffed, "you're acting like getting a little wet something to be _afraid_ of!"

"Why don't you demonstrate, Chef?" Chris asked with a smirk. The hulking man obliged, snickering as he pumped the gun a few more times in front of Jo, but then making a sudden turn and firing a torrent of water comparable to a fire hose at the host. " _Not on me, du_ _de_ _!_ " the soaking wet man yelled irately, now several yards away – even Chef looked surprised by the force.

"And how exactly do we _wi_ _n_ _?_ " Alejandro asked politely as the host walked back to the docks.

"You've got _three_ options," Chris told them. " _One_ , don't get discovered in your hiding place. _Two_ ," the lifeguard chair was shown again, "run to home base before Chef blasts you. _Three_ ," the hulking man was shown with a grin on his face and nodding along, "once you've been caught, help Chef find other campers. Do any of _those_ , and you win invincibility! All clear?"

"Umm...," Sammy hesitantly raised a hand.

"You get ten minutes to hide," Chris repeated with a finger on his wristwatch, ignoring the girl. " _Go_!" The campers immediately split, leaving only Sammy still on the pier. She sighed, then ran off as well.

/

A loon could be heard crying as Chris walked up to the cabins. The camera cut inside, and the host leaned down to show Sammy hiding beneath a bunk. "Couldn't you do any better than hiding under your _bed_ , Samey?" he asked.

"Well," the girl said slowly, "I just thought that since it was so _bad_ , then Chef wouldn't think anyone would actually _hide_ here!"

The host straightened up and raised an eyebrow. "Oh, Chef Hatchet!" he called impishly, and moments later the seeker kicked the cabin door open. Sammy screamed and jumped out the open window, leaving Chef to watch as she ran into the forest.

/

Back at the docks, B had exchanged his hat and coat for a pair of swim trunks, and calmly walked into the water. Just before he was completely submerged, he put a straw disguised as a lily pad in his mouth.

/

The door of the communal bathrooms closed, and seconds later Chris walked into view. The camera cut inside, showing Dakota tiptoeing into one of the stalls, closing the door, stepping onto the rim of the toilet, and peeking over the top of the door.

"Knock knock!" Chris said, leaning against the wall and rapping at the stall door.

"Go _aw_ _ay_ _!_ " Dakota whined. "You're gonna get me _caug_ _ht_ _!_ "

"You don't think that won't happen anyway?" Chris asked her. "'Cause I gotta say, your hiding spot _sucks_."

"If you tell _anyone_ that I'm here," she hissed, glaring through the gap between the ceiling and the stall door, "I'll tell _everyone_ what your _Mommy_ calls you! And _mor_ _e_ _!_ "

Chris' eyes popped open with shock, before he scowled and turned away from his former intern. "Fine, have it your way," he told her. "But don't complain when Chef finds you _fir_ _st_ _!_ "

He left quietly, and moments later, Dakota tiptoed out as well.

/

The footage skipped ahead, showing the sun shining in a nearly clear sky before panning down to Dakota again. She winked at the camera as she took slow and exaggerated steps towards the mouth of a large cave; inches from entering she paused to look back over her shoulder, and missed the pair of arms grabbing her by the shoulders and pulling her inside.

"Hey, watch it!" she whined before getting shushed by Jo. Scarlett, Bridgette, and Sammy had also gathered in the cave, which Dakota regarded with a smile. "Hey, not too bad! A bit _dirty_ , though."

Jo shushed her again before addressing the group. "Alright ladies, listen up! With the way things are going, we're in trouble – six _guys_ , five of _us_ , doesn't take a genius to figure out what _that_ means."

"Do you really think that's gonna happen?" Sammy asked with meek skepticism.

"Count on it," Jo told her. "Sooner or later _they're_ gonna notice what _I_ noticed, so it's only a matter of time before the _guys_ start picking us off one by one. That's why _we_ gotta strike first and even out the numbers!"

"I'm with Sammy," Bridgette said. "I just don't think the guys would _do_ such a thing! I mean, it's not like they get along _that_ well, remember last night?"

/

The footage flashed back to the guys' cabin during the previous evening. Shawn surprised the other guys by actually coming inside after them, making a beeline for one of the dressers.

"Finally decided to join us indoors?" Alejandro asked as he removed his shirt.

"Nope," the survivalist said as he dug through his stowed belongings. "Just wanted to get something before I go to sleep."

"Then make it quick," Lightning told him, "you smell like a dumpster, dude! When's the last time you took a _show_ _er_ _?_ "

"A few days ago, I think?" Shawn answered with a quick sniff of his armpits. "What difference does it make?"

"Dude, you better _bathe_ before you come in here next time," the uber-jock berated. "Lightning don't wanna have to keep puttin' up with your stankiness!"

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind," the scruffy guy said, tucking a few things under one arm and leaving the cabin. In the common area, he was noticed by Scarlett looking at the stars in the common area, as well as Jo as she jogged past.

/

"Besides," Bridgette continued after the flashback ended, "it just doesn't seem right going into an alliance without Geoff."

"Do you honestly believe he'd do the same for you?" Jo asked. "Everyone knows that guys always put their ' _bros_ ' before us girls, so why should we bother caring about _th_ _em_ _?_ "

"Well, _maybe_ ," Sammy said hesitantly, "but still-"

"Look," the jock-ette stated, "we're never gonna get another chance like this. We can either make things easier for _us_ , or we can make things easier for _them_. Which is it gonna be?"

"I just don't think I could _do_ that to DJ," Sammy admitted in a mumble.

"Would you like it better if _you_ got voted out next?" Jo asked her menacingly. "Because even without the wimpy giant, there's nothing stopping the other guys from targeting _you_ – and unless we're in an alliance, _I_ have no reason to stop 'em."

Both Dakota and Bridgette were watching their fellow blonde with unease. "...I don't wanna go back yet... I'll join the alliance...," Sammy finally admitted, hanging her head.

"Good!" Jo smiled. "Now that we're all in agreement, let's go out there and kick some guy butt!" She put a hand in the center of the circle they'd formed. It was joined first by Scarlett, then by Dakota and Sammy. "Well Sharkbait?" Jo asked the surfer. "You in or what?"

Bridgette bit her lip, but hesitantly put her hand in the circle as well.

"Okay then," the jock-ette smirked. "Now get out of here, this spot's mine." The other girls frowned in disbelief, but left.

xxx

"For the record," Scarlett stated, "I presently have no intention of cutting ties with B... or Geoff, I suppose. I don't expect this new alliance to last very long, but until it dissolves I'll have more influence over the vote."

xxx

The background music became deep and tense as the scene shifted over to Shawn, already camouflaged against the forest. He stood flat against a large tree, then quickly jumped into a nearby bush when the wind blew. Moments later, he poked his head out from the branches of a tree on the other side of the screen.

/

Another flash showed the confessional outhouse as Dakota crept into view. Her eyes darted around before she slowly opened the door; she looked around again, then pinched her nose and stepped inside.

/

A squirrel hopped across a clearing, pausing at the base of a tree. A pine cone fell and hit it on the head, causing the rodent to shake its fist angrily and look up. The camera panned to the top of the tree, where a terrified Geoff clung as his weight caused the small tree to sway back and forth, creaking each time.

/

Chef was shown walking through the forest, muscles tensed and gun at the ready. A bush behind him rustled and a pair of eyes looked out, but when the hulking man whipped around to look they had disappeared. After he'd moved on, Scarlett poked her head above the foliage then tiptoed in the opposite direction.

/

DJ walked around in the open, but stopped and smiled. He jumped up, catching the lip of a roof and pulling himself up. The camera cut over to Lightning acting similarly on the opposite side of what turned out to be the mess hall. Below them, Alejandro stealthily entered the building from the ground, not noticing DJ as he walked across the roof above the entrance.

A little ways away, Sammy was walking backwards. She turned around and also spotted the building; like Alejandro before her, she went for the main entrance with a smile on her face.

/

The next camper shown was Bridgette, walking quietly through the campfire pit area. Visibly lost in thought, she didn't notice that the lights strung around the area had become detached at one end, nor did she spot them on the ground when she stopped near them. She gasped in epiphany and hurried off, her foot catching the lights. The next pole still connected to them swayed as the string was pulled along by Bridgette.

/

The viewpoint moved to the inside of the mess hall, focused on the door as it opened and Sammy backed into the room. The camera panned over to the kitchen, where Alejandro was looking everything over. He heard the door creak and whipped his head around, looking startled to see the cheerleader. "What are _you_ doing here?" he asked in a hushed tone.

Sammy hastily muffled a scream with her own hands. "Sorry," she said a moment later, "I didn't realize you were in here. I'll just leave..."

Before she could turn away, Alejandro had crossed the gap between them and put a hand on her shoulder. "There's no need for that," he told her with a smile and a deep look into her eyes. "After all, there's _plenty_ of room for the two of us in here. Why should you have to leave for having the same clever idea as myself?"

"I-I guess you have a point...," she stammered with a blush.

/

Back at the campfire pit, strings of lights were becoming unhooked one by one as Bridgette plodded forward, unaware of what was trialing behind her ankle. She passed Chris, who laughed and turned to the camera. "I love this show," he said with a grin.

/

"Now hurry," Alejandro said back in the kitchen, standing face to face with a blushing Sammy. "We must find hiding places before Chef finds us."

As if on cue, the lights turned on. With a dramatic note the man himself was shown standing at the entrance, hand on the switch and grin on his face. Sammy and Alejandro stood dumbfounded as he began to cackle, the camera focusing in on his gap-toothed mouth. "This is _my_ kitchen" he told them, "also known as _forbidden territory_."

"Nothing personal," Alejandro said, quickly pushing Sammy at the hulking man and barreling past them. As he left the mess hall, he shouted "Adios!"

A blast of water shot Sammy screaming out the front door, and Chef left her soaking form on the ground to chase after his other quarry. The music picked up its pace as Alejandro ran towards the docks, the camera focusing on the lifeguard chair serving as home base before cutting back to Chef pumping his gun and lining up a shot.

Alejandro passed the fake lily pad straw, and B was shown below the water, a look of panic on his face. Chef fired, and the torrent of water quickly caught up to its young target. The handsome boy quickly ducked, though, and resumed running when the blast stopped. He shot a cocky grin over his shoulder, but this turned out to be his undoing – the spray had left a puddle on the dock, which Alejandro slipped on. He lost his balance, and slipped into the lake.

Though annoyed, he became surprised upon spotting B nearby. The two boys made eye contact, the larger pointing upwards with a pleading look. Alejandro closed his eyes and shook his head, earning a frown from B.

A flash later showed Alejandro pulling himself back onto the pier, Chef standing triumphant before him. "I concede," the charmer said while the cook reached out to tag him. "However," he added as he reached back down into the water, "I believe I'll be safe from the vote _regardless_." In one swift motion he hauled B up from the depths, the larger boy dripping wet and scowling as Chef gleefully tagged him.

/

A distance shot of the camp was shown, the sun's position marking it as mid-afternoon. The scene moved to the boathouse, where Chef slowly approached the closed door with Sammy and B following behind him. He tried to peek into the building's front window, but saw nothing through the grimy glass. Weapon at the ready, he kicked the door open and stepped inside, ready to shoot.

The point-of-view moved in front of him as his eyes popped out in shock, then back to an exterior side view as Chef was hurled back by the blow of a canoe carried by an avalanche of junk. B and Sammy quickly dived out of the way as the canoe slid past them, and to their surprise Scarlett hopped out as soon as it came to a stop and began to run.

The music picked up again, lower but still fast-paced, as Chef recovered from the blow and took off after his latest target. The camera adopted his point-of-view, showing Scarlett running at an ever-decreasing distance as the larger man caught up with her as she neared the cabins. She swerved right just past the boys' cabin, Chef merely feet away from her and traveling fast enough to be unable to react when she stuck her leg out and tripped him.

She smirked as he toppled past her and let go of his water gun, and was quick to take advantage. Holding his head in one hand to stave off the dizziness, Chef was too slow to stop her from picking up the pressurized weapon first. His eyes went wide when she leveled it at him with a devilish look, and even more so when she sent him flying back with a heavy stream of water.

Scarlett immediately took off again, headed for the docks and pumping her new deterrent as she went. Not yet dissuaded, Chef ran after her, still trailed by the shocked and anxious duo of B and Sammy. The footage slowed down as they got closer to home base, and Chef once again came close to grabbing her. It was an effort in vain, though, as the brainiac simply fired another blast back at him.

The slow-motion ended as she touched the lifeguard chair. Chef approached her, extremely wet and in a foul mood; she merely tossed the water gun at his feet and smiled.

/

The scene cut over to the campfire pit, the camera following the fallen string of lights into the woods beyond it. Bridgette poked her head out from behind a tree, adopting a look of boredom until she heard a rustling from the bushes behind her.

"Whoever you are," she called out after turning around and getting her foot further wrapped up in the light string, "just come out! I've already gotten over being out here on my own, you can't scare me with a few spooky noises!"

The bush rustled again, and a squirrel hopped out. It chittered at the girl, who smiled but soon turned back to face the campfire pit. "It was nothing, just like I thought," she told herself. "Still, maybe I should find a new spot." She began to slowly walk away, but with one foot entangled she quickly reached the end of the slack and tripped. "Oh, crap...," she muttered as she tugged with her leg and tried to unwrap the cord.

Her efforts traveled quickly along the string of lights and back to the campfire pit, where the final pole the lights had been hung on toppled over at long last. The surfer winced at the sound of the crash, and renewed her efforts to free herself. "Oh crap oh crap oh crap!" she repeated to herself. "I gotta hide before Chef finds me!"

"Too late," came an ominous voice behind her. She turned her head, laying wide eyes upon a grinning Chef. She screamed as he sprayed her, the camera cutting to the top of the trees as a flock of birds was startled into the air.

/

Back at the mess hall, the shot showed DJ and Lightning on opposite sides of the roof, out of view of one another. A small pink bird then landed on the peak and began to sing, bringing a smile to DJ's face. "Aww," he said, "come here, you!" He beckoned to it with a finger and crawled forward.

On the other side, Lightning had heard the comment and was looking at the bird strangely. "Did that bird just talk?" he said, ascending to the peak as well.

The two reached the top at the same time, and gasped when they saw each other. "Sha- _wha_ _t_ _?!_ " Lightning exclaimed. "Don't tell me you're tryin' to steal Lightning's hidin' spot!"

"What are you talkin' about, dude?" DJ answered. "I was here first, this is _my_ hidin' place!" The two young men got to their feet, not noticing the roof creaking below them as they argued.

"Uh, no _way_ you got here before Lightning did," the uber-jock countered. "So just go find somewhere _else_ to hide!"

"Nuh-uh," the gentle giant shook his head, "I'm not gonna-"

The roof finally gave in, and DJ fell with a holler and a thud. "Hah!" Lightning laughed, "I _told_ you you shoulda left!"

His mirth was cut short when he, too, fell into the lodge.

The camera cut to one of the cabins, where Chef suddenly stuck his head out of the door. "The heck was _tha_ _t_ _?_ " he asked, dashing out of the cabin and reaching the mess hall just as DJ and Lightning stumbled out of it.

"Well, well, well," the hulking man said with a sinister grin. "Now what do we have _her_ _e_ _?_ "

"Not me!" Lightning said quickly, bounding over DJ and running past Chef. "Later, fools!"

He was quickly taken out by a blast of water. "You gonna try to run too?" Chef asked the other young man still on the porch of the mess hall. DJ shook his head in terror.

/

The sun was high in the sky as Chef led the five losers through the campgrounds. He noticed the confessional outhouse and smirked, beckoning for Lightning, B, Bridgette, DJ, and Sammy to follow him.

xxx

"Okay, so," Dakota muttered uncertainly, "I've been in here awhile now and it's starting to freak me out. Like, did I already get used to the _smell_ in here or something? Is that what _happens_ with things that stink?" Her eyes popped open and she clutched herself. "Am _I_ gonna stink when I get out of here? Should I go hide somewhere else, or is that gonna make people think less of me?"

Her peace was broken as the door was flung open, and Chef's thick arm grabbed her by the shoulder and dragged her outside. "Hey, take it _ea_ _sy_ _!_ " she squealed before the camera went to static.

xxx

Dakota had joined the losers in the next scene, as a smirking Chef kicked a tall tree then put a hand to his ear. Almost immediately a person could be heard falling, and the camera focused on the faces of the campers watching their companion's descent – each unseen collision or groan earning another wince from them. Eventually, Geoff landed on his back at Chef's feet with a whimper.

"You're done, son," the large man said, leaning over the fallen boy.

/

The music filled with suspense as Chef licked his finger and held it in the air, then took a sniff of the air. He crouched down and licked the ground, picked up a long, light brown hair and grinned gleefully.

/

"So, where you think Jo's at?" DJ asked his friend as they followed behind the hunter.

"W-why would I know _tha_ _t_ _?_ " Sammy said quickly and anxiously, eyes darting around. "Because I don't, because why would _she_ tell _me_ _?_ I mean," she laughed nervously, "it's not like all the girls were in a cave together talking about forming an _alliance_ , and then she kicked us out because she was there first or anything..."

DJ raised an eyebrow. "Uh..."

"And it's not like I _joined_ the alliance or anything," she continued on quicker and quicker, paying her friend no heed. "I mean, okay, I _did_ , but only after Jo said I might be the next to get voted out, and I'm _sorry_ , DJ, but I'm not ready to _leave_ yet, and-"

"Whoa there," the gentle giant said, patting her on the shoulder before she grew even more frantic, "it's okay, I understand. You gotta do what you gotta do in a game like this, I ain't gonna hold it against you."

"...Thanks," the nice girl said with a small smile.

She was about to say something else before Jo's angry cries cut her off. "Hey, let me go!" she exclaimed. "You've already got me, okay?" The shot cut nearby, where Chef carried the jock-ette out of her cave by her neck; he held her at arms length as she tried to no avail to take swings and kicks at him.

Lightning, Geoff, Bridgette, and B were with them. "I guess that's everyone, then?" the party boy asked his surfer crush.

"Really?" Sammy asked back, counting the group in her head. "Aren't we missing Shawn?"

"Shawn?!" Chef exclaimed, the camera focusing in on his bewildered expression. "But I searched _everywher_ _e_ _!_ Even the water!"

/

The footage skipped ahead to sunset, cutting from a distance shot of the island to show the campgrounds as Chef and the losing campers all searched for their missing companion.

"Attention campers!" the seekers turned their attention to the loudspeaker as Chris' happy voice came over it. "The challenge is now over! If you haven't been _found_ yet," he chuckled for a moment, "so just _Shawn_ , then congratulations on winning! You can come out of your hiding spot, and get ready to pick a loser."

" _Fin_ _ally_ _!_ " came a familiar voice from up in the trees above Chef. As the hulking man craned to look, Shawn dropped to the ground behind him, covered in camouflage and branches. "I thought I'd have to keep moving from place to place all _nig_ _ht_ _!_ "

As soon as the other campers registered he was there, they cheered and rushed over to him. As they shared their congratulations, Chef shot the boy an impressed nod.

/

The scene immediately cut to a shot of the cabins from the campfire pit before moving into the guys' cabin. Each was sitting on their bed save Shawn, who leaned against the wall in a corner rather than take the bunk beneath Lightning, even if it was only temporary.

"Gentleman," Alejandro opened from the lower bunk on the left wall, "it appears that Jo has forcibly united the girls against us. We need to team up as well if we want any chance of making it further in the game."

"Why don't we just vote out Jo then?" Geoff asked from the bed above. "I mean, _she's_ the one tryin' to turn the other girls against us."

B nodded his agreement.

"Yeah," DJ added on the opposite side of the room, "I think it's time we finally got rid of her."

"Personally," Alejandro suggested, "I feel like Bridgette's popularity makes _her_ the bigger threat in the long-term, even though _Jo_ is more likely to win challenges."

Geoff gasped, and even B looked shocked. "Dude, you can _not_ expect me to vote my girl out," the party boy said.

"Amigo," the handsome boy implored, "sooner or later _one_ of you will be out of the game. I'm afraid you won't be able to let your romance get in the way much longer!"

"What I don't get," Lightning interrupted, "is why Joe's teamin' up with the _girls_ instead of the rest of us guys?"

"Uh, probably because _she's_ a girl!" Shawn told him.

"Are you sha-kiddin' me?" the uber-jock said in disbelief. "The dude's _totally_ a dude! And if the girls are teamin' up against us, then _I_ ain't gonna vote for another dude."

Alejandro put a hand on his forehead and sighed. "Okay then, who do _you_ suggest?"

Lightning pursed his lips and rubbed his chin as he thought. "Samey," he said to DJ's gasp, "or Dakota. They're weak and don't have their head in the game, no _way_ they deserve to win!"

"Which is why we should keep _them_ around," Alejandro countered, "and vote off a _threat_ instead!"

"And that means _Jo_ ," Geoff added. "We gotta vote her out while we can, dudes!"

"The same could be said of Bridgette," the handsome boy told him.

"Sha- _please_ , it's obvious we should kick out Samey or Dakota!" Lightning argued.

"I _knew_ this was a bad idea," Shawn muttered, shaking his head.

/

An aerial view of the island was shown, clouds passing by below before the shot moved to the docks where the five girls had gathered. "I guess that's settled then," Jo announced, "we're voting for Geoff."

"Wait," Bridgette nervously interrupted, "are you _sure_ about this? I mean, he's such a sweet guy, why do we need to get rid of him?"

"Because people _like_ him," Jo explained, "and because he might _actually_ win invincibility enough times that we don't get another chance like this."

"Then why don't we go after Lightning instead?" the surfer suggested. "I mean, he's _completely_ full of himself, _and_ he's better at sports than Geoff! Wouldn't we _all_ be happier if he was gone?"

"Normally I would agree with you," Scarlett told her, "but as both Alejandro and Shawn – the most significant male threats remaining – have invincibility, we must instead vote for someone whom the other boys will be reluctant to part with. Currently, this means Geoff. We can convince people to vote for Lightning at a later date."

"What she said," Jo smiled. "All in favor of voting for Geoff?" she put her hand in the middle of their group, and it was joined by Scarlett, Dakota, and Sammy, the three girls showing various levels of reluctance from the redhead's frown to the cheerleader's bit lip to the heiress' uncertain squint. "And that's that," Jo smirked. "Here's to the girl's alliance, _right_ Bridgette?" She shot a pointed look at the horrified surfer, who looked at the girls around her and sadly put her hand with theirs.

/

The ceremony began, cutting from the shot of the island into a close-up of the fire with a beat of the music, Bridgette's legs included in the picture. The camera zoomed out to show only Jo and Geoff alongside the surfer girl, the other campers standing to the side with the host.

"There are only two marshmallows left on this plate," Chris said, the treats in question already in view of the camera. "You each racked up several votes," he told the three as the view moved back across the fire. Geoff and Bridgette looked at each other, smiled softly, then reached out and took the other's hand.

"One of you is going home tonight," the host continued, "and cannot return. _Ev-e_ _r_ _!_ The next marshmallow goes to..."

He grabbed one of the treats and looked over at the three, the music getting deeper. Each of their faces was shown closely – Bridgette and Geoff were both nervous, while Jo looked more irritated than anything else. "Bridgette!" the host announced, flicking the marshmallow into the surfer's free hand. She smiled brightly, but her face fell back into worry as she looked at the young man sitting next to her.

"The final marshmallow of the night goes to...," Chris announced, preparing to flick it as well. Jo and Geoff were shown again, the jock-ette's irritation having momentarily faded into worry.

"Jo." She caught the marshmallow easily, and the other campers gasped. Geoff looked shocked as she popped it into her mouth, then turned his head back to the fire.

"Okay," Chris said as he tossed the plate over his shoulder, " _that_ was a shocker. Even _I'm_ shocked," he pointed to himself, "and I _knew_ the answer."

/

Clouds drifted across the moon and loons called as sad, yet reverent music once more took over the scene. Geoff had been escorted to the Dock of Shame by the ten remaining campers, the Boat of Losers already waiting for him. He took a few steps forward, then sadly looked back over his shoulder.

"I'll miss you, Geoff!" Bridgette called, moving towards her crush.

"I'll miss you too!" the party lover answered, walking back towards her. "So, like, you didn't vote for me then?"

"Of course not!" the surfer called back with a smile.

" _Wha_ _t_ _?!_ " Jo cried, but she was ignored.

"Geoff, I could _never_ vote you off!" Bridgette told him. "You believe me, right!"

"Of course I do, babe!" Geoff answered, and the two began to walk towards the middle of the pier, the music shifting into something more touching and romantic. It came to a peak as they reached other, and their lips met for the first time.

"Awwwww," cooed Dakota, Sammy, and DJ.

The couple finally broke their kiss, and Geoff stepped onto the Boat of Losers. "Bye!" he waved sadly as he sped into the night.

"Goodbye...," Bridgette answered in a whisper, a sad smile on her face.

/

The music turned ominous as the camera panned down from the moon onto the campers walking back to their cabins. As they split into two groups, Jo and Alejandro lingered behind.

"Nice working with you," the jock-ette whispered with a cocky smirk.

"The pleasure was all mine," the charmer answered with a smile and a nod.

The two returned to their cabins without another word, and the lights in the camp went out.

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a whole lot to say here. Geoff went home to parallel Bridgette's elimination in canon, as well as highlight the personal differences that have arisen as a result of the Shuffled cast. Part of this is the more complex politics at camp, what with the higher number of villains, and I hope you new readers found it enjoyable.
> 
> That's all I've got. Probably could have made a bigger deal about Scarlett voting out Geoff, but ehh.
> 
> As always, let me know what you thought, and I'll see you all next time!
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (RETURNED)
> 
> Ezekiel - (21st Place)
> 
> Sugar - (20th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (RETURNED)
> 
> Amy - (RETURNED)
> 
> Scott - (19th Place)
> 
> Beth - (18th Place)
> 
> Sierra - (17th Place)
> 
> Topher - (16th Place)
> 
> Sam - (15th Place)
> 
> Beardo - (14th Place)
> 
> Dawn - (13th Place)
> 
> Amy - (12th Place)
> 
> Geoff - (11th Place)


	18. That's Off the Chain!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh, apparently it was around this time when I was originally writing the series that I came up with the first draft of the first World Tour song! Good for me. God that brings back memories though.
> 
> For those who want a reminder, the remaining contestants are as follows:
> 
> Girls \- Bridgette, Dakota, Jo, Sammy, Scarlett
> 
> Boys \- Alejandro, B, DJ, Lightning, Shawn
> 
> Well then folks, on with the show!
> 
> \- Fangren

"Last time, on Total Drama Island!" The footage cut from the stock shot of Chris on the docks to the campers assembled for the challenge the previous episode. "In a challenge of Hide and Seek," the challenge began and the teens scattered, with Sammy being the last to move, "campers had to avoid capture by Chef ' _It_ ', or join his guerrilla tactics to tag fellow campers." Chef Hatchet, water gun in hand, waggled his eyebrows and looked eagerly at the camera, then kicked down a door. **"** _Some_ ," Sammy was shown hiding under her bed, "had _weak_ hiding spots, while _others_ won invincibility." The clip of Shawn dropping behind Chef at the end of the day was shown.

"Meanwhile," the jock-ette menacing the cheerleader was shown, "with some subtle _nudging_ , the girls convinced Samey to stay loyal to their alliance." The five girls put their hands together on the docks, with varying degrees of hesitation. "And even without lover-girl Bridgette's help, the ladies got rid of Geoff." The elimination was shown briefly, with special focus on the kiss between Geoff and Bridgette. "But even though Bridgette paid the price for staying loyal to her guy, it turns out the whole thing might have been a _set-up_ by Jo and Alejandro." A clip of the two talking from the beginning of the episode was followed by their brief conversation from the end.

"Will the girls realize who's pulling their strings? Will the guys form an alliance of their own?" A shot of the guys talking in their cabin was followed by several shorts clips of Chris in various poses from the season "Will _I_ be stuck hosting reality TV for the rest of my life? Find out, on this episode of Total! Drama! Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode opened with a shot of a flying disc spinning through the air. It was caught by Lightning as DJ stood nearby, and the uber-jock threw it back across the beach; Jo jumped to grab it out of the air from between Sammy and Alejandro. The camera briefly cut over to Dakota sunning herself on the docks, then panned over to the very end where Bridgette sat with her legs dangling over the lake.

"Oh, Geoff...," she sighed, "why'd you have to go?"

"I just wanna say," the surfer looked up when she felt a hand on her shoulder, "that I _totally_ get what you're feeling right now," Dakota told her with a smile. "It was _such_ a bummer when Sam was voted out, I almost couldn't sleep! But cheer, up, okay? Because us girls need to stick together!"

"You're right," Bridgette said softly, "thanks."

Their conversation, though brief, had attracted Alejandro's attention, and he nearly missed catching the flying disc as it was thrown to him.

xxx

"If Dakota's getting friendly with Bridgette," the handsome boy confessed, "then I need to work _quickly_ before Scarlett gets to her as well. Despite Geoff's elimination, that know-it-all _still_ has a better position than me, and I'd rather not hand another vote to her on a silver platter. Fortunately," he donned a smug and devious grin, "she still believes that Jo has betrayed me to form an alliance with the other girls. But as long as _that_ overly-aggressive woman thinks my ideas are _her_ ideas, then I have her _exactly_ where I want her."

xxx

"You ever get the feelin' that there's more goin' on behind your back than you think?" DJ asked the outhouse camera. "'Cause lately, I don't even _know_ what's been goin' on. Like, even though _nobody_ likes Jo, the girl never gets voted out! And then there's this whole guys versus girls thing that popped up all of a sudden, and then _Geoff_ gets voted out!" He shook his head. "I'm startin' to think I need to pay more attention to Scarlett and Alejandro like Dawn said."

xxx

Jo looked over at the docks and scowled. "Jeez," she said, "she _still_ isn't over it? Come on, Samey, we might as well talk to her." She motioned for the younger twin to follow before jogging towards the pier. Sammy shot an uncertain look at DJ, who shrugged; she sighed, then followed after Jo.

"Look," the aggressive young woman told Bridgette once she'd reached the end of the docks, "you can't just mope around like this. Getting rid of your little _boyfriend_ was a strategic move and nothing else, you'll still see each other once the game's over."

"I know," Bridgette sighed, "but that doesn't make me miss him less. There was just... something _about_ him, y'know? Something that made everything seem _fun_ when he was around."

"Forget about _that_ ," Jo told her, "and start thinking about the future. I'm not gonna pretend I know what you see in him, but don't you think he'd be happy if you _won_ _?_ "

Bridgette nodded sadly.

"Good," Jo said, "because the only way to do _that_ is to stick with the alliance."

"Yeah," the surfer sighed before steeling her determination, "I got it."

The loudspeaker squealed, forcing the girls to hold their ears in pain as Chris began to speak. " _Morning_ , campers! Your next challenge awaits you at the Arts and Crafts Center!"

/

A flash transitioned the scene to a shack, Chris' all-terrain vehicle parked in front of it as the host himself walked across the shot. "Welcome, to the Arts and Crafts Center!" he told the campers already assembled around a nearby picnic table.

"You mean the Arts and _Craps_ Center, right?" Jo muttered in disbelief.

" _Yeah_ ," Chris told them, "it used to be an outhouse, but now it's where Chef parks his _road hog_." The point-of-view moved to the other side of the door as Chris kicked it open and the guys plus Jo poked their heads in and grinned at what was within.

" _Nice_ ," Jo whistled.

"Sha- _swe_ _et_ _!_ " Lightning gushed.

"Beautiful!" Alejandro added.

The red-and-chrome motorcycle sparkled despite being surrounded by dusty tools and bottles, and a few short lines of rock music were played to underscore its coolness.

"Which brings us to your challenge," Chris told them as the camera cut back outside and panned across the campers. "Building," he grinned and mimed revving a motorcycle, "your _own_ wheels!"

"And by 'wheels'," Alejandro asked with narrowed eyes, "exactly what do you mean?"

"Glad you asked, dude!" the host smiled. "You'll be sticking to _pedal_ power today. You'll find all the parts you need in our bike depot." He motioned behind to a large pile of disassembled bicycle parts. "Once you've collected the basics, you can trick 'em out any way you want using props from the Arts and Crafts Center." He put on a military-style helmet and got back on his ATV.

"The best design wins!" he told them, driving just past their table before pausing. "And! To prove I'm a nice guy," he took out a large, mold-covered book and tossed it at them before driving off, "I'm even throwing in a bike manual."

"How old _is_ this thing?" Shawn asked, having caught the fungus-encrusted tome.

"Probably as old as _McLean_ ," Jo said before swiping the book and flipping through the pages. "Whatever, this challenge should be a _snap_." She tossed the manual over her shoulder and onto the table, then walked off-screen.

xxx

"Okay," Dakota confessed, "I'm, like, not really _sure_ if I ever learned how to ride a bike. I mean, I remember Daddy hiring a tutor to _teach_ me, but I think I just made my chauffeur take me to the _mall_ instead. Or was that the viola lessons?" She looked thoughtful, then shrugged. "Whatever. I mean, how hard can it _be_ _?_ Especially since we have a manual, even if it _is_ completely disgusting."

xxx

Sammy joined Jo at the bike depot, and began to fish through the heap for parts. "Maybe I'll _finally_ get to ride my dream bike," she mentioned offhand as DJ came up behind her.

"Let me guess," he said, "your sister wrecked it?"

"I _wish_ ," Sammy told him as sad music began to play. "If she did, maybe Mom and Dad would have gotten me another one. But no," she sighed, " _I_ asked for it for Christmas, but _Amy_ never let me _ride_ it."

"It was your _Christmas_ wish?" DJ sniffled, tears beginning to form. "Man, I know I say this a lot, but your sister ain't _right_." He shook his head, and started to gather parts as well.

Jo scowled and pulled the cheerleader to the side. "In case you haven't noticed," she hissed, "this isn't exactly the Christmas _season_. If the girls wanna win this, we _need_ to build better bikes than the guys. And while I know I can count on myself and Encyclopedia Red to make something good, I still need _you_ to pull your weight."

"Don't worry," Sammy said nervously, "you can count on me!"

xxx

"Okay, I _really_ regret joining an alliance with Jo," the nice girl said with an anxious chuckle. "I mean, she isn't as bad as my _sister_ , but she's still pretty mean and bossy. And, well, even though this is a _competition_ , I was kind of hoping it wouldn't be as _tense_ as this."

xxx

Dakota was shown sitting at the picnic table alone, a disgusted look on her face as she slowly flipped through the manual. "Need any help?" Alejandro asked as he sat down next to her, leaning back against the table and shooting her a charming smile.

"Oh?" the heiress said, looking up from the book and straight into the tall young man's handsome face. "Y-yeah," she stammered with a light blush, holding up the moldy manual by the corner as if it were a dirty rag, "I don't understand, like, _any_ of this."

"I'd be happy to help you build your bike if you wish," Alejandro told her, taking the manual and placing it back on the table. "I may not look it, but I've been told I have talent as a mechanic."

"I-" Dakota tried to say as he leaned in closer to her, "th-thanks, but, like, I'm already in an alliance with the other _girls_ , so I don't think I should-"

"Don't you think," he interrupted her, "that the Final Two will surely need to attend several events... _together_?" She nodded mutely, eyes wide and blushing. "Now who would you prefer to go with: _them_ ," both he and the camera looked over at the other girls who were carrying their bike parts to another location, "or _m_ _e_ _?_ "

"I-" the heiress started again, looking back and forth between her allies and Alejandro. "I-I'd prefer _you_..." She looked down, but managed to quickly compose herself. "But I already have a boyfriend... I think...," she told him, "so no _funny business_ , got it?"

"Oh, do not worry," he reassured her, "I promise not to try anything with you, even though you clearly have your _doubts_ about whether or not you have a boyfriend."

Dakota met his eyes and bit her lip. "Well, like, I really _do_ like him, and I gave him my number and we even _kissed_ before he left," she blushed even harder than she had for Alejandro, "but I don't know if that really _counts_."

"Well," Alejandro smiled, " _whatever_ your relationship may be, I am still happy to help build your bike. Let's get started, shall we?" Still smiling, he took her hand and led her to the bike depot.

/

The scene cut over to the other four guys working on their bikes in the common area. A grinning Lightning pounded on dark blue frame he'd picked out with a hammer; DJ tightened the straps holding his homemade shin guards in place; Shawn inflated a tire; and B put the finishing touches on his bike.

Or rather his tricycle, as he had opted for a stouter design. It was mostly made of wood, though the front looked like it had been salvaged from a regular bicycle frame. The silent genius was currently tinkering with a box mounted between the thick rear wheels, eventually closing the lid and wiping the sweat from his brow.

/

Another cut took the focus over to four of the girls, who had ended up working together near the docks. Sammy scratched her head as she tried to figure out how to attach a pedal to her pink metal frame, while Jo was boring holes into pieces of wood with a hand drill. Bridgette was sorting through a small but tangled pile of parts, and as she tried to pull a piece from it she stumbled backwards and tripped over a rock.

Scarlett rolled her eyes at their work, then went back to her own project. Like B's it was nearly finished; she turned a few nuts with her wrench, then sat up and smiled.

xxx

"Although my improvisational abilities are admittedly not as high as B's," Scarlett confessed, "I have the greater understanding of bicycle dynamics and engineering, giving _me_ the advantage for the race. I just need to make sure the energy efficiency and aerodynamics are sufficient to counteract my relative lack of stamina." She smiled confidently. "Which will be _easy_."

xxx

Before she went back to tinkering with her ride, Scarlett looked around one more time, then frowned. "Excuse me," she asked the other girls, "but where's Dakota? I was under the assumption that the five of us would be building our bicycles in the same area."

The three young women paused their work to look around as well, and it was Jo who answered first. "No idea," she said dismissively. "Probably broke a _nail_ or something when she tried to pick up a wheel."

"But, umm, didn't you say we _all_ needed to pull our weight?" Sammy asked hesitantly.

"True," Jo admitted, "but if Barbie thinks it's more important to goof off or whatever, then that's _her_ problem. At least it'll give us an excuse to get rid of her _dead weight_ if we lose."

She went back to work, unaware of Bridgette scowling at her.

xxx

"If this is how Jo treats her allies," the surfer said, "then I can understand why Beardo turned his back on her."

xxx

/

"And that's... about... _ther_ _e_ _!_ " Alejandro said, dropping the wrench he'd been turning and leaning up. The camera zoomed out, showing him sitting next to a relatively stylish pink bicycle as Dakota looked on. "It should be finished, so why don't you go search the Arts and Crafts Center for decorations, and I'll get started on my _own_ bicycle!"

"Umm...," Dakota murmured, searching for the words, "thank... you? For doing all this," she waved vaguely at her ride.

"As I said before, I am happy to help!" he told her. "Now, why don't you go get your decorations before all the good ones are taken?" Dakota nodded, then walked away. Alejandro watched with narrow eyes for a few moments, then hastily took a few things from his pocket and began to tinker with the rear wheel of the bicycle.

xxx

"For one such as I," Alejandro said smugly among the flies of the outhouse, "it is a _simple_ task to rig up a device to slow her down should the need arise. I don't expect to require it," he told the camera, "but with a host as wily as Chris, one cannot be _too_ careful."

xxx

By the time Dakota had returned, Alejandro was well at work on his own vehicle. "So which do you think is more _me_ ," she said, drawing both his and the camera's attention to what she was holding. "The purple pony head, or the swan thingy?" She first held up what looked like the remains of a plush horse with big eyes and long eyelashes, and then a plastic figurine of a swan resting with its wings outstretched.

Alejandro looked from one to the other and smiled. "Clearly, the swan's beauty and grace are a _much_ better match for its owner."

"Aww, thanks!" Dakota told him with a blush as she dropped the pony head and put the swan between her bike's handlebars.

/

Another cut put the focus on DJ as he put on a bright purple bicycle helmet, then bashed his head violently against a tree. A bird sitting in a nest above was rattled and looked down as the gentle giant happily knocked on his new piece of protection.

"Oh man," Shawn piped up, "I remember the first time I rode a bike. I twisted my leg so badly I was walking like a zombie for _ages_."

DJ cringed and put a hand on his leg.

"That's nothin'," Lightning countered cockily. "First bike race I was in, I went so fast I slammed into a wall and broke my jaw! Had to eat through a straw for weeks – but at least I won!"

DJ winced and began to suck on his lips.

B snapped his fingers to gain the others' attention, then pantomimed flying through the air and landing on his knees. He put his hat on one only to quickly remove it with an exaggerated look of terror on his face.

"Let me guess," Shawn said as DJ began to tremble, "you took enough skin off you could see your knee cap?" B smiled and gave him a thumbs up. "Impressive," the survivalist nodded.

As the three other boys sighed in nostalgia and went back to work, DJ discarded his purple bicycle helmet and replaced it with one that appeared to have come from a suit of armor.

It was then that the loudspeaker came on with a ring. "Campers!" Chris announced as the music became more tense and fast-paced. "Time to judge your bikes! Put your pedal to the metal, and meet me at the Crafts Center!"

/

"Well campers," the host said in-person, "we gave you the parts, let's see what you came up with!" He walked over to the brainiac, who had built a thin, streamlined racing bike. "Excellent aerodynamics, Scarlett!" the host told her.

"Thank you," she said as she adjusted her glasses and radiated smugness.

"Light in weight _and_ in style, I see," Alejandro said as the camera panned over to his vehicle. It was shaped similarly to Scarlett's, but was noticeably more silver and had a small panther-head hood ornament.

"Looks pretty fierce, dude," Chris complimented, earning a smile and a nod from the handsome boy.

The scene flashed into a trio of blinking headlights, the camera pulling back to show Shawn nervously flicking them off and on as the host watched him and his otherwise typical bicycle. "You can never be too _careful_ about light levels when there are zombies around!"

"If you say so," Chris told him uncertainly before moving on.

Jo was next, standing proudly next to a tall, thick bike – the largest yet. "A tough bike for a tough competitor," she explained as she rapped the skull hood ornament with her knuckles.

"Well, we know _you_ won't be getting knocked off the road!" Chris told her jokingly.

Another flash and the host was standing over Dakota's bike, inspecting the hood ornament. "Seems pretty graceful," he told her. "Nice work!" Dakota beamed and struck a pose for the camera before it left for the next competitor.

Chris looked over Sammy's glittery creation, poking at a few of its ribbons and tassels and ringing the bell when the cheerleader beckoned to it. "It's just like what I've always wanted!" she said happily, and the host gave her an accepting nod.

The next bike, however, did not seem to impress him with its thick wooden rear wheel, and smaller side wheel jutting out from the frame. "Dude, seriously," he told DJ, who was shown to have crafted himself a suit of makeshift padding armor, "this is _weak_." The giant's helmet creaked as he slumped.

"Nice work, Bridgette!" Chris said in the next clip, admiring the surfer's low-set vehicle.

"Thanks," she told him with a sad smile as she gave her hood ornament – a dolphin with a cowboy hat on top – a pat. "It's a tribute to Geoff." She turned her gaze to the camera and added, "If you're watching this, I really miss you!" She blew him a kiss, and Chris moved on.

"Sha-get ready to lay eyes on the one-and-only _Lightningmob_ _ile_ _!_ " the uber-jock boasted as he showed off his bicycle. The frame was shaped like a lightning bolt, there were cardboard lightning bolts on the wheels, and he'd even plastered lightning bolt decals on the seat and handlebars.

"Impressive," Chris said with a pat on the back. "You really stuck to your theme, didn't you?"

It was then that the tenth and final camper rode his creation up to the host. "B, nice job!" Chris told him, shooting the large young man a pair of finger pistols and receiving a pair in return. "Well then, I think that's everyone!"

The ten campers and their bikes were shown again as Chris walked into the middle of the clearing they occupied. "This is where it gets good," he announced, "'cause we're gonna _race_ these babies! _H_ _ard_ _!_ "

"Excellent," Scarlett said, "I predicted as such, and built my bicycle for speed and energy efficiency."

"Yeah, unfortunately," Chris told her, "you won't be riding it, Scarlett. You'll be _switching_ bikes!" The camera passed over the shocked looks on Jo, Alejandro, and DJ's faces. "Yeah, cruel twist, huh? Alrighty then! See you at the beach!" As the host walked away, the camera focused in on a contemplative Alejandro before fading to black.

/

The scene faded back in to a shot of the giant cliff and lake through some tree tops, and a loon could be heard as the camera zoomed in on the beach. Chris was sitting on his ATV addressing the campers, while Chef stood behind the nearby starting line reading a book and holding a tiny flag in his free hand.

"Okay," the host said, "here's how it works. Everyone picks a name out of the helmet," he held up an upside-down orange bike helmet, "to see whose bike you're riding." Alejandro picked a slip of paper out first, followed shortly by Jo. "If _your_ bike makes it across the finish line, then _you_ get to ride it in the final round for invincibility!"

The camera panned over the ten campers looking at their slips of paper, eventually stopping on Alejandro and Dakota. "Well señorita," he told her with a smile, "it appears I'll be riding _your_ bike, so rest assured that you'll have a chance to race for invincibility."

"Thanks!" she told him happily.

The camera cut briefly over to Chef waiting at the starting line before moving back to the host. "Now before we start," Chris asked, "are there _any_ other questions?"

Scarlett raised her hand, and was pointed at by the host. "What exactly is preventing us from trying _not_ to finish this race and thus deny one of our competitors a shot at invincibility?"

"If I don't think you're trying to win this race," Chris told her flatly, "then you won't get to ride in the second round even _if_ your bike crosses the finish line, clear?" Satisfied, Scarlett nodded.

/

Another pan showed the campers on their new bikes – Dakota on B's tricycle, Sammy on Jo's behemoth, Bridgette on Alejandro's stylish panther, Scarlett on the Lightningmobile, Jo on Sammy's glitter machine, Shawn on Scarlett's lightweight racer, Lightning on DJ's side-wheel, B on Bridgette's tribute to her boyfriend, DJ on Shawn's light bike, and Alejandro on the bike he built for Dakota.

"Okay racers!" Chris announced as the teens steeled themselves. "On your marks!" Jo narrowed her eyes. "Get set!" DJ readied a pedal and Alejandro donned a confident smirk. "Paramedics on standby...," the host murmured with a look over his shoulder and one arm raised, " _aaaand_ , DRAG!" He threw down his arm and the campers sped past him as hectic and fast-paced music began – Jo, Alejandro, Bridgette, Shawn, B, Sammy, DJ, and Scarlett.

"Umm, _excuse_ me," Dakota whined, earning the attention of both host and camera. "How do I _move_ this thing?" She kept trying to place her feet where the pedals would have been, ignoring the large red button B had installed on the handlebars.

Lightning was also having difficulties, as the two rear wheels DJ had installed on his bike refused to budge. "Sha-dang _third wheel_ ," he muttered as he dismounted and started to pry at the extra piece.

Further ahead, Jo and Alejandro were vying for the lead with Bridgette and Shawn not too far behind.

"Enjoying your ride?" the charmer jibed at his rival-turned-secret ally. "It doesn't seem to be your usual _style_..."

"It isn't," she shot back, "but it's still kickin' _your_ butt! Woohoo!" She gave out a cheer and sped up, leading Alejandro to frown.

"Sorry dude," Shawn told him as he passed by, "but looks like Scarlett _really_ knows a thing or two about speed!" Alejandro's frown deepened into a scowl, and he redoubled his efforts.

Further back, B was having trouble seeing due being so low to the ground; the problem was exacerbated when Sammy, atop Jo's monster, managed to pass him and kick up sand in her wake. "Sorry!" she called back with genuine concern as she heard the large young man begin to cough.

Lightning, meanwhile, had managed to bend the third wheel of DJ's bike upwards and had finally taken off at full speed. He barreled past Scarlett and DJ without a second thought, forcing the two to swerve and collide with each other. B was barely missed, but Lightning ended up in the same cloud of sand that Sammy had unintentionally been making, and soon caught her up. Unable to see where he was going, he rammed her from behind and got the two bikes tangled up and out of the race.

The sand cloud finally began to clear, but not quickly enough to prevent B from joining the pile-up.

Back at the start, Dakota was finally shooting hesitant looks at the red button on the tricycle's handlebars. She closed her eyes and pressed it, opening them with surprise when she heard the sounds of a motor starting behind her seat. The motortrike took off like a shot, and it was all the heiress could do to hang on. She quickly passed the two wreckage sites and the other four still in the race, blowing past the finish line and leaving Chef buried in sand.

A brief aerial shot of the island showed a cloud of sand and dust roaring along the beach around the island before cutting back to the finish line as Jo, Shawn, Alejandro, and Bridgette crossed. Chef stuck his arm out of the sand and waved his flag, then Chris came rolling up on his ATV, a smile on his face. "Ye-he-hes!" he said excitedly. "We have five _awesome_ wipe-outs by Samey, B, Scarlett, DJ, and _Lightnin_ _g_ _!_ " The camera cut over to the two piles of human and bicycle before going back to the host's grinning close-up.

"And five invincibility race _winne_ _rs_ _!_ Samey's 'Dream Machine', Scarlett's 'Speed Machine'!" The bikes and their initial riders were shown as they were named. "Alejandro's 'Jungle Cat', Dakota's 'Swan Song', and B's 'Tri-Wheeled Terror'!" As the final winner was announced, Dakota's terrified screams alerted the others as she rapidly began her second approach of the finish line.

"How do I _stop_ this thing?!" she squealed as she passed the second crash site. B, eyes wide, immediately got back on his feet and chased after her, miming the pressing of a button above his head. Dakota looked back and squinted in confusion. "I don't get it!"

Chef yelled and jumped out of the way as she drew close, throwing his book in the air as he did so. By sheer coincidence it ended up falling at just the right time that it hit the button on the motortrike's handlebars, bringing it to an abrupt stop and sending Dakota hurtling through the air. She landed in a large pile of sand an groaned.

" _Awesome_ finish, Dakota!" Chris cheered. "It's time to head over to the TDI Motocross," he informed the campers before speeding off on his own vehicle of choice.

"Great," Jo griped, "just _gr_ _eat_ _!_ I manage to get _her_ dumb bike to the next round, and what does _Lame_ -y do? She crashes _mi_ _ne_ _!_ "

"Perhaps you should have built a faster vehicle," Alejandro told her smugly. "Oh well, better luck next time!" He chuckled as he walked away, earning crossed arms and a scowl from Jo.

He walked over to Dakota, and helped her out of the sand. "You'll be happy to hear that you'll be competing in the second round with me!" he told her as she shakily got to her feet.

"Whuh?" she asked woozily, shaking her head a few times. "Oh! Great! Ummm... good luck?"

"Thank you," he replied before walking back to his bike. He adopted a dark smile and added under his breath "I doubt I'll need it..."

/

The scene cut to the five losers sitting on the grass above the beach. Bridgette, DJ, and Shawn looked content, though both Jo and Lightning were pouting. The camera panned down to the five still in the competition, already on their own bikes – Scarlett, Sammy, Dakota, B, and Alejandro.

"I like your bike," Sammy told the girl next to her.

"Thanks!" Dakota answered. "Yours is...," she searched for the right word to describe what she was looking at, " _good_... too! Nice use of glitter."

"Thanks!" the cheerleader echoed. "Great swan, by the way. I've heard they're pretty _mean_ , though," she said, quickly noticing Dakota's sudden uncertainty. "Oh, but it's _perfect_ for the race! I mean it's graceful, _and_ something you don't wanna mess with, right?"

"Hey, yeah!" the heiress said with renewed confidence. "I picked it for a _reason_ , you know!"

It was then that Chris finally drove up to the new starting line. "Campers! Welcome to the," radical music, a reverb effect, and a three-way split screen focused on his mouth accompanied his next announcement, "Moto-moto-moto! Cross-cross-cross! Challenge-challenge-challenge!" The effects ended and the shot went back to the host on his ATV. "Using your _own_ bikes, you'll race the course, avoiding hidden pitfalls!" He turned his head and called off-screen, "Cue the deathtraps!"

"There's dodging the landmines!" The shot cut to a rolling dirt course, panning left as several explosions were triggered. "Maneuvering through the oil slick!" Another leftward pan showed a long oil spill on the ground. "And finally, _jumping_ the _piranha_ _s_ _!_ " The third obstacle was a rectangular pool of water in the ground, over which a cooked ham had been suspended by a rope. It was plunged into the pool, the surface bubbled briefly, and the rope was retracted sans ham.

"Oh," Chris said as the camera moved back to the shocked racers, "and one more thing! First one to cross wins... invincibility! Last one to cross gets voted off the island," he said nonchalantly, closing his eyes and crossing his arms. "No bonfire, do not pass 'Go', do not collect a marshmallow!" The campers gasped, and Scarlett quickly raised her hand.

"Yes, Scarlett," Chris said with a sigh.

"If the one who crosses last will be automatically eliminated from the competition, foregoing the typical vote and ceremony," the brainiac asked, "then why is the prize for first place invincibility from a vote that _won't happe_ _n_ _?_ "

The host narrowed his eyes and mouth, and stroked his stubble in thought. "Fair enough," he conceded. "But since we don't have another prize prepared, whoever comes in first will have to settle for bragging rights. Or, uh, I guess you could save whoever comes in last from getting kicked off, or whatever."

"Thank you," Scarlett told him.

"Well," Bridgette said from the non-racer's vantage point, "I guess it's a good thing we didn't make it to the second round, huh?"

"Yeah," DJ nodded, "no second race means no chance of gettin' the boot tonight."

"Man, this don't _feel_ right," Lightning griped. "I still feel like I should be down there winnin' the race!"

"Never thought I'd say this," Jo added, "but I agree with Lightning. Being safe because we _lost_ is just _weird_."

"Eh, you'll get over it," Shawn shrugged.

xxx

"Wow, I never thought I'd actually make it to the second round," Sammy said in the confessional. "I don't really think I can _win_ , but as long as I don't _lose_ , right?"

xxx

"My bike is _obviously_ the most efficient and aerodynamic of the five finalists," Scarlett said in her turn in the outhouse. "I doubt I can keep up with B's motor, but as long as I don't allow the others to pass me I'll be safe. Naturally, I'm hoping that _Alejandro_ is the last to cross, though given his abilities that event is unlikely."

xxx

"Racers," Chris announced after the static, "take your position!" The camera quickly panned over the five campers readying themselves and their bikes. " _Aaaaand_ , GO!" As with the first race, fast and tense music began almost immediately.

The camera moved to ground-level, catching the five sets of wheels as they sped forward – first B, then Scarlett, Alejandro, Dakota, and Sammy taking up the rear. They went over the first hill one by one, but as Sammy crested she was caught in an explosion which sent both her and her vehicle flying off the course. Chef managed to duck as the cheerleader hurtled past him, but was hit on the head by the disconnected bell from her bike.

The remaining four went over a second hill, a second explosion producing a cloud of smoke for them to pass through but not actually catching them in the blast. The point-of-view moved to an incoming view of the track as the three in the lead bounced up and down, dodging explosions from the sides and behind. Bringing them up was Dakota, who was the second to get caught up in a blast – fortunately for her, the timing and position was such that it sent her flying forward in an arc over the others, screaming all the way.

The shot cut to B as he approached the second obstacle, and he became nervous upon hearing a spluttering sound from the engine of his motortrike. It stalled completely just as the wheels touched oil, and was sent spinning off the course as Alejandro, Scarlett, and Dakota raced past.

The charmer and the brainiac were neck-and-neck, but the oil was giving them both some trouble. Alejandro was forced to briefly put on the brakes before he lost control, but in doing so allowed Scarlett to pull ahead with a confident smirk. It was short-lived, however, because although she slammed her own brakes and began to skid across the pool, an errant piranha leaping into the air managed to knock her bicycle off-balance and into the water. Alejandro snickered as he passed her again, but was shocked when a screaming Dakota bounced off the fallen bike and managed to gain a slight lead.

His brow furrowed, and he grinned darkly. The camera focused on his right hand as it left the handlebars to retrieve the remote control hidden in his shirt.; the button was pressed, and the point-of-view moved to the underside of Dakota's bike seat to show a small blinking red light before the mechanism it was attached to clamped down on her rear wheel.

Alejandro quickly pulled ahead as the bewildered heiress began to skid to an early stop, and seconds later Chef was waving him across the finish line.

"And we have our winner!" Chris announced as he pulled up on his own ride. " _Alejandr_ _o_ _!_ " Triumphant music accompanied a pan upwards from the handsome young man's bike and legs to his smiling face.

Up off the beach, DJ, Bridgette, and Shawn all cheered for the handsome boy, while Jo and Lightning shot looks of jealousy at him. Dakota was shown dragging her own bike across the finish line, and shot him a smile. "Hey, congrats on winning! I _knew_ you'd make it. Guess we're both safe, huh?"

"That's not exactly _true_ ," Chris interrupted, earning a worried look from the former intern. "Alejandro crossed the line first, so _he's_ safe," the host explained, "but since Samey, B, and Scarlett all wiped out and didn't complete the race," the three teens were shown respectively at the edge of the pool, in the oil slick, and lying in the sand, "they _technically_ didn't cross the finish line at all!" Despite the man's grin, the music became loud and disconcerting. "Which makes _you_ the last one to cross. In other words, you're headed for the Dock of Shame, baby!"

"Wh-what?" Dakota sputtered in confusion. "Oh no, you _can't_ mean-"

"I'm afraid it is so," Alejandro told her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"But... but... can't you, like, save me from getting kicked off?" she pleaded.

"And risk getting voted out myself?" the handsome boy countered, shaking his head solemnly. "I'm very sorry, but I cannot take that chance!"

"But I thought we were gonna go to the _Final Two_ together!" Dakota protested. Several of the campers looked shocked at that revelation, most notably Scarlett and Jo. "I _trusted_ you," the blonde continued, "I even let you build my _bik_ _e_ _!_ "

"And I was happy to do so!" Alejandro explained, noticing the looks he was getting. "But this is still an _elimination_ game, I must put my own needs before that of anyone else! _Surely_ you understand that?" Though his words were directed at the young woman, he also looked over the other campers to gauge their reactions – Jo and Lightning seemed to have lost interest, but the other three first-round losers looked angry with him.

" _Whatever_ ," Dakota sniped, turning her back on her collaborator, "all I know is that _you_ talked about us going to the Final Two together, and now you're going back on that. You're _such_ a slime ball."

Alejandro looked ready to lose his temper, but he closed his eyes, cocked his head a bit, and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry you feel that way," he said, "but I will not apologize for trying to keep myself in the game." He also crossed his arms, and the two walked away from each other.

xxx

"So," Jo confessed, "looks like pretty boy _Al_ tried to get Dakota on his side before I stabbed him in the back. I gotta say," she admitted with a shrug, "I didn't think he had it in him! Looks like I'm gonna have to step up my _game_ from now on."

xxx

The scene cut to the other contestants as they regrouped. "Man," DJ said as he helped Sammy to her feet, "I guess that's what Dawn meant when she said not to trust Alejandro. Betrayin' Dakota like that was just _cold_."

"Yeah, he's always seemed so _nice_ ," the cheerleader added, brushing the sand off her uniform.

"So wait," Shawn interrupted, "you mean Dawn actually _told_ you not to trust him, and you're only _now_ letting the rest of us know?"

DJ and Sammy looked at each other and shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so," the gentle giant told him.

"Sorry," the nice twin added.

" _Sor_ _ry_ _?!_ " the survivalist echoed. "What if he was like, I don't know, a _serial kille_ r, or a _zombie sympathizer_ or something?! We could've all been killed! Or _eate_ _n_ _!_ "

"Hey, lay off them!" Bridgette said. "They obviously didn't know what Dawn meant, you can't blame them for not knowing what Alejandro would do." Shawn just snorted and looked away. "So, did Dawn tell you two anything else before we left?" the surfer asked.

Sammy and DJ looked at each other, then at the other campers – passing briefly over Scarlett, who raised an eyebrow at them – before the blonde answered. "Umm, I'll tell you _later_ , okay? We should probably go see how Dakota's doing first..."

"Whatever," Jo told the group, "I honestly couldn't care less about her right now." Ignoring the glares from the more empathetic campers, she followed after Lightning who'd already left the scene.

xxx

"This whole thing was _such_ a rip off," Dakota complained while vigorously filing her nails. "Still no paparazzi so I _barely_ got any camera time, I didn't get to show off any of my other _skills_ , and I didn't even have _Sam_ around to cheer me up! I am _so_ done with this island."

xxx

The footage skipped forward to sunset on the Dock of Shame, the sad-yet-reverent music starting up as Dakota wheeled her luggage past those who had come to see her off, pausing every few steps to pose for the camera.

"Later girls!" she told Sammy and Bridgette, hugging her fellow blondes and posing with them both. "I _really_ enjoyed getting to know you two."

"Thanks," the surfer told her. "Too bad you have to leave so soon, but hey, maybe you'll get to see Sam again!"

"I hope so, I really miss him," Dakota said as she moved on past Scarlett and Jo to where the guys were standing. "Bye boys," she waved to them, "I hope we'll meet again at the finale!" She hugged DJ, waved again at an awkwardly smiling Shawn, and returned B's thumbs up. "Sha-later, Lightning!" she added as she walked by the uber-jock. "Keep, um, headed for that gold!"

"Girl," he told her, looking mildly affronted, "you don't have to tell me _that_ twice! Heck, you don't need to tell me that _onc_ _e_ _!_ "

"Goodbye Alejandro," she said in a somewhat taunting fashion to the last person on the dock. "I hope you _never_ get a spot in the Final Two." The handsome boy scowled and rolled his eyes, but was otherwise silent.

Dakota reached the end of the pier, and turned to flash one more smile and pose at the remaining contestants. "Well guys, it's been fun!" She turned back and stepped onto the Boat of Losers, the host already waiting for her. Six of the remaining nine campers waved her off as she sailed into the sunset.

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God this challenge is such bullshit in canon. Good on past-me for clarifying the rules ahead of time better, but still. Lindsay got screwed in canon, even if her exit was great.
> 
> But yeah. I'm still liking my version. Alejandro finally got to flirt someone off the island, but at the cost of the trust of the others. Good stuff all around. Dakota was the natural choice to get the boot here, it just came together so well I think.
> 
> Not much else to say. Let me know what you think, and I'll see you all next time!
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (RETURNED)
> 
> Ezekiel - (21st Place)
> 
> Sugar - (20th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (RETURNED)
> 
> Amy - (RETURNED)
> 
> Scott - (19th Place)
> 
> Beth - (18th Place)
> 
> Sierra - (17th Place)
> 
> Topher - (16th Place)
> 
> Sam - (15th Place)
> 
> Beardo - (14th Place)
> 
> Dawn - (13th Place)
> 
> Amy - (12th Place)
> 
> Geoff - (11th Place)
> 
> Dakota - (10th Place)


	19. Hook, Line, and Screamer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want a reminder, the remaining contestants are as follows:
> 
> Girls \- Bridgette, Jo, Sammy, Scarlett
> 
> Boys \- Alejandro, B, DJ, Lightning, Shawn
> 
> \- Fangren

"Previously, on Total Drama Island!" The footage jumped from the stock shot of the docks to the bike depot as Sammy and Jo began to sort through it. "Campers had to build their own hot wheels," brief scenes of the guys and the girls working on their rides were shown, followed by the line-up for the first race, "in a motocross challenge to race for invincibility. There were _big_ winners," the quartet of Jo, Shawn, Alejandro, and Bridgette were shown passing the sand-covered Chef, "and _big-time los_ _ers_ _!_ " The two pile-ups from the initial race were shown. **"** And there was even some _wicked_ , off-the-track motocross stunts!" B, Sammy, and Scarlett's wipe-outs in the second race was proceeded by a few earlier clips of the campers dodging explosions as they rode over the artificial hills.

"But in the end, it was Alejandro who crossed the finish line, and double-crossed Dakota by sabotaging her bike, and her dreams of making it to the finale." Clips of the charmer throughout the challenge were shown, culminating in him forcing the heiress' bicycle to brake, allowing him to pull ahead and win. "Which gave _everyone_ a glimpse of what he was willing to do to get further ahead in the game. Dakota ultimately lost the race, _and_ the challenge," the two temporary allies' post-race argument was shown quickly, as was the blonde's departure from the island, "which meant _goodbye_ to Dakota and her camera-hogging ways."

"Who will be the next winner?" Chris shrugged on the dock. "Who will be the next _loser_ _?_ Who will renew my contract for next season?!" He shot an exaggerated look of suspicion at the camera, before smiling and pointing at it. "All these mind-probing questions _revealed_ , on this episode of! Total! Drama! _Isla_ _nd_ _!_ "

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

Spooky music and the faint sound of a film projector were accompanied by a slow pan across a gray-toned ground, opening the episode. A few dramatic twists in the music coincided with a figure shown only by their feet stepping onto screen, the camera soon panning up and rotating to reveal that figure to be a hulking man set against pine trees and a full moon. He was wearing a soiled smock and gloves as well as a hockey mask, the mouth contorted into a grimace and the eyes glowing red; above his head he brandished a chainsaw, and in place of his left hand was a wicked-looking hook.

The chainsaw revved, and the scene cut to the nine campers sitting on stumps and watching the film in a small outdoor theater – from left to right looking at the now-hidden film screen were Jo, Sammy, DJ, Lightning, Shawn, Scarlett, B, Bridgette, and Alejandro.

"Oh man," Bridgette said in terror, "look at the size of that _chainsaw_ he just came out of the woods with!"

"And he's going for the _c_ _ar_ _?_ " Alejandro added, eyes wide. "This does _not_ bode well for them."

"Dude, ain't no _time_ for makin' out with your girlfriend," Lightning yelled, "start the sha-dang _car_ already!"

"And _this_ ," Shawn stated bluntly while grabbing a handful of popcorn from the bag he held, "is why you _never_ get into a romance during a horror flick. It just won't end well!" The chainsaw could he heard revving again, and the zombie survivalist's eyes went wide at the sound of a piercing scream.

"And of course," Scarlett added in a bored tone as the camera zoomed out to show her as one of the few who weren't showing signs of fear, "the car won't start. The killer's doing, no doubt."

"I _really_ don't like scary movies," Sammy murmured, hugging her knees.

"Me neither," DJ whimpered next to her.

"Hah!" Jo barked a laugh. "You _really_ think you can just run from the guy who already butchered all your friends?"

Sammy and DJ gasped and clung to each other in fear as the music rose, prompting Lightning to look at them and roll his eyes.

"Oh no, not again!" Bridgette groaned, shielding her eyes. Next to her, B had to grab his jaw to stop it from clattering, and the chainsaw could he heard chopping through something, and a large amount of liquid seemed to be splurting to the ground. Most of the campers watched in silent horror save Jo, who was cheering the killer on, and Scarlett, who had a very small smile on her face.

Both the scary background music and the sounds from the movie began to fade, and their were several murmurs of "Gross," "Disgusting," and other such things from the campers.

"Welp, there goes yet _another_ group of teenagers who completely lacked common sense," Shawn quipped.

"Along with the requisite sequel hook," Scarlett added, "although personally, I don't believe it deserves one."

"True," Shawn said, "it seemed pretty _generic_ if you ask me."

"I take it you're familiar with this kind of movie?" Alejandro asked him as the film reel came to an end and the projector turned off.

"Eh, not really, slasher flicks aren't exactly my _thing_ ," the scruffy boy answered. "Now _zombie_ movies, _those_ are scary! I mean sure, the psycho killer might be big and have a chainsaw, but he's still just _one guy_ – and that's _nothing_ compared to a horde of ravenous undead!"

"Oh please," Jo scoffed, "zombies are _slow_ , so you can easily outrun them, and they're _mindless_ , so they're easy to trick! How is _that_ scary? Now someone who can think ahead and actually _ru_ _n_ _?_ _That's_ a challenge."

"Could you guys _not_ talk about scary movies like that?" DJ pleaded. "I'm already freaked out enough as it is."

"Yeah," Sammy shivered as she finally let go of the gentle giant, "I just _know_ I'm gonna have trouble getting to sleep tonight."

"Pssh, you two are a couple of _babi_ _es_ _!_ " Lightning told them. "Just a little blood an' guts, that's all!"

"Yeah, well," Bridgette told him reproachfully, "not everyone can _handle_ blood and guts. You two gonna be okay?" she asked, looking over at the fearful duo.

DJ looked over at Sammy and gulped. "Y-yeah," he said, "I'm cool, just gimme a minute. What about you, Sammy," he put his hand on the girl's shoulder and smiled, "you good?"

The nice twin noticed that her friend had stopped trembling, and returned his smile. "Yeah, I think so. I'm just glad it's over, I don't wanna sit through another movie like _that_ again."

" _Wimp_ ," Jo muttered under her breath.

"To change the subject," Alejandro interjected, "I don't suppose anyone has any information about our next challenge, do they?"

"Come to think of it," Bridgette added, "where _is_ Chris anyway?" A puttering engine got the group's attention, and the scene cut to a pile of crates and luggage. A hand – soon revealed to be Chef's – picked up a suitcase and tossed it onto the Boat of Losers which had docked and already been loaded with boxes and bags.

"Excuse me, Chef?" Alejandro asked, walking up just as the cook tossed a crate onto the ship – only a single bag now remained on the pier. "What exactly is going on?"

Chef yelped, shooting a terrified look at the young man before turning and jumping onto the Boat of Losers. Chris, already on board, pulled back the throttle and sped the ship away – both adults had looks of fear on their faces, and Chef was shooting his back towards the dock.

"Huh," Bridgette said as she and the others watched the boat speed off, "looks like they forgot one." She picked up the last piece of luggage, a green bag with a rolled-up piece of paper sticking out the top flap. It fell out, and the surfer picked it up – it was a newspaper.

"Escaped psycho killer on the loose," she read, the viewpoint shifting to get a shot of what she was reading. Prominent on the page was the silhouette of a large man wearing a hockey mask and wielding a chainsaw. "Be on the lookout for a man wearing a _hockey mask_ ," she continued as the viewpoint shifted back to show the other teens listening in fear, "with a _hooked hand_ , and carrying a _chainsaw_ _!_ "

"Well amigos," Alejandro said grimly, "I believe we have our _challenge_ for the week."

"Dude, what are you _talkin_ ' about," Lightning asked. "Didn't you hear her? There's a psycho killer on the loose!"

"Do you truly believe so?" the handsome boy replied. "I mean, _first_ Chris has us watch that slasher movie, _then_ we catch him and Chef fleeing the island, and _now_ we discover a conveniently-placed warning? This is _clearly_ a set-up."

"I don't know," Sammy whimpered, "he looked _really_ scared!"

"M-maybe he was just f-fakin' it?" DJ told her, trying and failing to hide his trembling.

"Exactly!" Alejandro said. "This is all just a stunt!"

"I don't know about that," Bridgette interjected as she rifled through the bag and pulled out a small purple bottle. "If this were a stunt, do you think Chris would purposely leave his," the camera zoomed in on the triangular bottle, showing the host's face on the side, " _hair gel_ behind?" Everyone but Scarlett, Shawn, and Jo gasped.

"This...," Alejandro said after a pause, " _might_ be a _problem_."

"So hold up," the gentle giant said as he began to panic, "you mean Chris left us for _dead_ , and now we're _alone_ , while _that_ escaped psycho killer with the chainsaw is on the loose?!" Sammy whimpered and bit her lip.

"No," Jo told him, rolling her eyes and donning a mischievous smirk, "we're alone while that escaped psycho killer with the chainsaw and a _hook_ is on the loose," she suddenly lurched towards the pair, making them flinch, "weren't you _listeni_ _ng_ _?_ "

"Don't _do_ that girl, it ain't funny!" DJ told her as he let go of Sammy again.

"Neither's you bein' a giant chicken," Lightning told him, "so man up already, and get in the game!"

"I will once I stop feelin' like somebody's _watchin_ ' me!" DJ shot back.

"This is a reality show," Scarlett stated. "We're _always_ being watched. Your fear response is merely causing heightened awareness of that fact."

/

The screen flashed and Scarlett was no longer being watched in-person, but from a monitor. The camera pulled back to show Chris sitting in a chair, watching four such monitors showing the Dock of Shame, the campers, the campfire pit, and the confessional. He chuckled and turned to the camera, whispering "Scarlett's right. And tonight, we're watching to see who can survive a real- _life_ scary movie! With special guest appearance by...," he hunched over and deepened his voice, "the escaped psycho killer with the chainsaw and a hook!" He held up a hook next to his face, and it gleamed along with his teeth.

/

"Okay," Bridgette told the others, "even if this _is_ just a challenge, I think we need to stay safe tonight, agreed?"

"Agreed!" Sammy and DJ said together. "But, umm," the cheerleader added, "I'm just gonna... treat this like a challenge, okay? I don't really wanna think about what could happen if it _isn't_..."

"Good idea," the gentle giant told her. "I mean, Chris wouldn't _actually_ let us...," he trailed off for a moment and shivered, "...right?"

"We most likely aren't in any real danger," Scarlett said after a moment of thought, "but we shouldn't take that chance. As such, I suggest we find a defensible location to spend the night. The mess hall is the most logical choice – it possesses both food and water, and despite multiple points of entry should have sufficient resources to construct defensive measures around each."

"Count me out," Shawn told her. "As far as I'm concerned, the _zombies_ are still the biggest threat on the island, and I'm not about to trap myself in a building – might as well just give myself to the brain-munchers on a silver platter. If anyone needs me, I'm going to _bed_."

"And then there were eight," Jo said ominously as he set off for the trees.

"Why?" Scarlett asked with a raised eyebrow. "Shawn's strategy isn't as viable in the long term as my own, but it should at least keep him relatively safe until morning. If this _is_ just a challenge then any 'killer' would already know where he sleeps, but in that case he's in no real danger to begin with. And if the threat _is_ real, then so long as nothing draws the killer's attention to him, the chances of him being harmed are still fairly low."

"Weren't you paying attention to the movie?" Jo scoffed. "The killer _always_ knows where his next victim is."

"In _film_ , perhaps," the brainiac rebutted, "but in the _real world_ , there's no logical basis for the assumption that a serial killer would operate according to the tropes and rules of the horror genre."

"Scarlett's right," Alejandro announced. "We should get to the mess hall before it's too late, agreed?" The other campers nodded and murmured their agreement, even Jo and Lightning, and began to follow the charmer and the brainiac away from the docks.

Except Sammy and Bridgette, who lingered behind at the former's behest. "This is kind of awkward to ask, _but_ ," she said quietly. "I really have to _pee_ , but I don't wanna go by _myself_..."

"Sure, I'll come with you," the surfer told her.

/

A shot of the full moon was shown, and a wolf was heard howling in the distance. The scene flashed over to the communal bathroom as the two blondes approached it.

"So," Sammy broke the silence, "I bet you wish Geoff was here with you right now, huh?"

Bridgette chuckled. "As much as I miss him, we'd probably just end up making out half the time and get taken out first."

"Oh yeah," the cheerleader said, "I guess the couples _do_ usually get taken out first, don't they? I guess it's a good thing that there aren't any left in the game then."

"What about you and DJ?" the surfer asked coyly. "I've seen the way you two act around each other."

Sammy blushed. "Oh no, we're just friends...," she said shyly as the two stepped into the washroom.

The viewpoint moved back to the edge of one of the cabins, the background music taking an ominous turn as the camera shifted around and heavy breathing was heard – somebody was secretly watching the girls from a distance.

/

The scene cut to a distance shot of the camp, the camera zooming in and moving to the mess hall interior. Scarlett watched over Jo, Lightning, and DJ as they moved one of the tables in front of the windows, then moved towards the kitchen where B and Alejandro were inspecting the other points of entry.

After a few moments, DJ popped his head into the kitchen looking worried. "Yo, anybody seen Sammy an' Bridgette? They shoulda been here by now."

"As I recall," Scarlett said without taking her eyes or hands off the back window, "they went to the communal bathroom to relieve themselves. I predict they'll either return shortly, or not at all."

DJ gasped and began to bite his nails, and shot a nervous look to the front of the lodge.

/

Another distance shot of the camp was shown, this one from a different angle to get a better view of the communal bathroom before the camera zoomed in on it.

"I mean," Sammy continued her conversation in the bathroom as she washed her hands, "it's not like I don't _like_ DJ..."

"You just don't think he likes you back?" Bridgette finished.

"Well, _mostly_ ," the nice twin said, "but there's also _Dawn_... Plus, I don't think either of them could _ever_ like someone like me as more than a friend..."

"Hey, don't sell yourself short!" the surfer told her. "You're a _great_ person, any boy would be lucky to have you as a girlfriend! Or any _girl_ for that matter, since you're-"

She was cut off by Sammy frantically putting her hand over her mouth and looking around at the camera. "Don't say it!" she whispered.

"Sorry," Bridgette said once she could speak again, "I didn't realize you weren't, uh, _ready_ to say that yet."

"It's Amy," Sammy explained, rubbing her arm anxiously. "Like _always_. If word gets back to her that I'm, y'know," she hesitated before whispering " _bisexual_...," she quickly looked around in fear, as though her sister was going to show up at any second, but eventually sighed. "Well, I just know how _she'll_ react..."

"Wow," Bridgette told her lightly, "I don't know who's worse, _her_ or the escaped psycho killer with the chainsaw and a _hook_." The camera shifted to the doorway, a shadow falling unnoticed on the floor as the music turned eerie.

Sammy chuckled nervously. "Yeah, I know. Hey, didn't that guy in the movie kill those girls who were talking in the bathroom?" The figure in the doorway stepped forward enough to show dark skin, grey pants, a black apron, and a hook on place of his left hand. A chainsaw started up, and the two girls turned their heads simultaneously, the music spiking as the man was shown in full – a hulking black man with a hockey mask over his face, a brown gardening glove on his non-hook hand, and a chainsaw taped to a hockey stick as his weapon of choice.

The two girls screamed and backed away as the escaped psycho killer with the chainsaw and a hook plodded forward menacingly. As his victims hit the far wall he began to laugh, low and dark, and raised his chainsaw as high as he could without touching the ceiling.

Bridgette and Sammy kicked him in the groin, then ran screaming while he was distracted. To the killer's credit he recovered quickly, and threw his chainsaw-on-a-stick like a spear when he saw what they were running for. It landed in the ground between the blondes and the mess hall, forcing them to scream and make a dash for the beach. The chase circled around the coast, and the three silhouettes were even shown against the moon for a brief few moments, but tragedy eventually caught up with them when Bridgette tripped over a small rock.

"Save yourself!" she called out to her friend. "Go on without me!"

Sammy, blinded by terror, hadn't even noticed the surfer fall. Bridgette watched her retreat into the distance with mild disbelief, before she looked back at the killer with horror.

/

The scene cut to Chris watching Sammy run through the woods screaming, the scary music which had accompanied the scenes with the killer continuing on even as she ran into the very tent the host was in. Chris swiveled his chair to look at her, and she seemed to freeze for a moment before looking back at him over her shoulder.

"Oh em gee," she said frantically, "you've gotta _do_ something! There's a guy with a _chainsaw_ and a _hockey mask_ and he's trying to _kill_ us!" She paused, noticing the monitors – the one on the far left showed the killer walking by, carrying his first victim with his hook. "Oh no," Sammy moaned, biting her lip and pointing at the monitor, "he got _Bridgette_!"

The music peaked again as the killer (and his victim) burst into the tent, chainsaw still roaring. Sammy screamed again, and only stopped when Chris put his hand over her mouth.

"Samey," he shouted, "stop screaming! It's just _Ch_ _ef_ _!_ " He smiled and motioned to the man beside him, who pulled up his mask to show that it was, in fact, Chef Hatchet.

"So you _were_ just punking us," Bridgette stated, walking over to her dazed friend.

"Yes and no," the host replied. "It was your challenge to watch a scary movie, then _survive_ one."

"Don't you think that was a little _mea_ _n_ _?_ " the surfer told him. "I mean, we actually thought we were gonna be _kill_ _ed_ _!_ "

"Hey," Chris shrugged and laughed, " _I_ thought it was funny. Besides, it wouldn't be a challenge if you knew you weren't gonna get hurt."

"So...," Sammy finally said, "there _isn't_ an escaped psycho killer with a chainsaw and a hook on the loose?"

"Nope!" the host said cheerfully. "You're safe, but _unfortunately_ you lost the challenge. But _now_ ," he motioned over to Chef, who had put his mask back on, "you get to watch our fake psycho terrorize the _rest_ of the campers! Fun, huh?" he chuckled, earning a glare from Bridgette.

"Oh em gee," Sammy whimpered, "what a relief! I think I need to sit down..."

"There's some stumps you can use if you want," Chris gestured to the scattered wooden seats before he and Chef left the tent.

"I seriously can't _believe_ him sometimes," Bridgette muttered.

/

"Great work Chef," Chris told the cook as they lingered outside of the tent. The larger man had raised his mask again, and the host squirted water from a bottle into the fake killer's mouth. "But next time, try to really work the hook hand angle a _bit_ more." Chef smiled and replaced his mask, and a shot of him silhouetted against the full moon was shown, the chainsaw's roar in place of a wolf's howl.

/

"Let's see...," Scarlett mused, a clipboard and pencil in her hands as she paced around the mess hall. "The back windows and door are secured, as are the front windows," she made a few notes, "leaving just the front door, fireplace, and roof. Food and water are secured, and we should have more than enough to last the night." She paused, and looked around. "Where are DJ and Lightning?"

"The Big Baby took Brightning to look for Samey and Malibu Barbie," Jo told her as she stuck an arm up the fireplace and got a face full of soot.

Scarlett pursed her lips and looked over at the main entrance.

/

The scene moved to some bushes, with deep breathing to be heard as the camera moved to the right, showing the two boys standing outside the communal bathroom and Chef sticking his hook into view to move a branch aside.

"Okay," DJ said with a hint of panic as the camera cut to him, "I'm gonna go check and see if they're inside. So don't leave, dude, no matter what! Not if you _hear_ a psycho, not if you _see_ a psycho! Not if a psycho is slashin' you to bits!"

"Man, just get _in_ there already!" Lightning told him. "Lightning ain't gonna hold your hand all night!"

DJ looked uncertain, but entered the building anyways. "Sammy? Bridgette? You girls in here?"

/

The scene pulled back to the tent, where Chris was lounging with his feet on the desk in front of him. "Cue the ice cream truck!" he said happily, pressing a button on the console beneath the monitors.

/

Lightning crossed his arms in annoyance, and perked an eyebrow when an ice cream truck jingle began in the distance. "Sha- _please_ ," he rolled his eyes, "like I'm gonna fall for _that_ ol' trick."

/

Chris pursed his lips and looked at the camera. "Maybe a little something _better_ for our athlete is in order?" He grinned, and pressed another button.

/

The ice cream truck jingle screeched to a halt, only to be replaced by a sportier theme. "Wait a sha- _minu_ _te_ _!_ " the uber-jock perked up. "Is that 'Tuesday Night Football'? They must be here for an interview!" With a grin on his face he ran off in the direction of the music, which faded into something more sinister as the camera focused in on the communal bathroom.

"They're not here," DJ said fearfully as he exited the building, immediately noticing the uber-jock's absence, "Lightning? Dude, where are you? This ain't funny, man!" he called into the darkness.

"Oh man," he said to himself as he began to walk around, "I don't like this, but I gotta find Sammy! But where on earth could she _b_ _e_ _?!_ " He continued to walk for a few more moments before he heard a rustling in the nearby bushes and screamed. He almost turned to run before the source of the rustling emerged, and he saw it was a familiar-looking gray rabbit.

"B-Bunny?!" DJ whispered in disbelief. "Is that really you?" The rabbit answered by hopping closer to DJ, and rubbing against the boy's leg. "It is!" the animal lover said, tears forming as he scooped his once-missing pet and twirled him around in joy. "You came back to me! You really came back!"

He sniffed and rubbed his eye, nuzzling Bunny before moving the pet close to his chest. "Good thing you found me little guy, there's an escaped psycho killer with a chainsaw and a hook on the loose! You'll be safe with me, though, I _promise_." Bunny looked up at his friend and wiggled his nose happily.

"We gotta find Sammy, though," DJ told his pet. "I'm really worried about her, and I don't want her to die before I tell her that I love her."

/

"See, I told you!" Bridgette told Sammy back in the tent as they watched the challenge unfold with Chris.

"I-," the nice twin stammered, her entire face red, "he really- I mean- he- he _loves m_ _e_ _?!_ " She took a step back, but stumbled over a stump and hit the ground head-first.

"Oh crap!" Bridgette exclaimed, rushing to her friend's side. "Oh crap! I think she's out cold!"

"Ehh," Chris told her as he turned briefly away from the monitors, "she'll be fine, probably just fainted." Bridgette just gave him a look of disbelief.

/

"And Dawn too," DJ added as he walked along with Bunny in his arms. "Man, I gotta figure that out soon, I don't think Momma's gonna approve of me likin' two girls at the same time." An owl hooted nearby, and he shivered and clutched Bunny closer. "Man, I _really_ don't like bein' out here right now. I feel like the psycho killer's gonna sneak up on me any second!"

Accompanied by an appropriate spike in the looming background music, Shawn dropped down in front of him covered in twigs and leaves.

DJ immediately began to scream.

"Whoa, dude, it's just me!" the survivalist said. He reached for the larger boy's shoulder, but a hook-shaped branch clinging to his arm caught the giant's eye first, and he ran screaming into the woods. "I just wanted to know if there's really someone with a _chainsaw_ running around..." He let out a sigh.

/

The camera followed DJ and Bunny as the young man ran screaming through the woods, over a hill, and finally into the tent. Bridgette looked up from her spot next to the still-unconscious Sammy on the floor, and Chris finally stopped the screaming by grabbing DJ's shoulders and shaking.

"You're safe, dude!" the host told him.

"I am?" DJ said, letting out a sigh of relief and sitting down, with Bunny sticking his head out of the boy's clasped hands. A hooked hand offering the gentle giant a bottle of water from off-screen.

"It's just Chef!" Chris explained as DJ absentmindedly accepted the bottle, gasping when he saw who it was. "He was gonna scare the _bejeebers_ out of you, but, _apparently_ , Shawn beat him to it."

"Bro, he came outta _nowhe_ _re_ _!_ " DJ defended. "And with that _hook hand_ , and after I was already freaked out from worryin' about the girls!"

"True," the host admitted, "but you still bailed before Chef even got a crack at you. Speaking of which," he walked over to his assistant, "you're _up_ , Psycho Man!" Chef smirked, lowered his mask back in place with his hook, and left the tent.

"So," DJ said as he looked down at Sammy, "what happened to her?" Bridgette looked down at the cheerleader and her eyes went wide.

/

"Oh man," Shawn whispered as he brushed the sticks and leaves off his clothes, "this isn't good. How could I be so _stupid_ , of _course_ a killer with a chainsaw is a threat! If he chops down my tree when I'm in it, that leaves me open to be zombie-chow! I gotta find somewhere else to hide, and _qu_ _ick_ _!_ "

Eyes darting around wildly and breathing getting heavier, Shawn only made it two steps away from his tree before a twig snapping made him jump. His eyes suddenly focused and he took a deep breath, then slapped himself lightly on the cheek. "Pull yourself together man," he told himself, "if you lose your _head_ , you lose your _brain_. And that is _not_ gonna happen tonight! The killer doesn't know where I sleep, so as long as I keep my eyes open I'll be fine." He turned around completely, and began to climb the tree he'd dropped from.

The footage flashed forward to him in the branches of the tree. One leg was tied to the branch, and although his eyes were open and bloodshot, his posture and gentle snores suggested he was actually asleep. The music turned ominous as the camera quick-panned to the base of the trunk, where the disguised Chef was looking up. He let loose a muffled chuckle behind his mask, then revved up his chainsaw.

Back in the branches, a sudden shake forced Shawn awake with a snort. "Oh crap," he said when he spotted the fake killer sawing through the trunk of his rest spot, "gotta move!" He fumbled with the rope around his leg, but wasn't quick enough – Chef was shown to have sawed clear through the trunk, and sent it falling with a kick. Shawn clutched his branch and began to scream, the camera zooming into his mouth then back out to shown him dropping to the floor of the tent.

"Maybe you should have paid attention to the _actual_ movie," Chris told him. "Because no matter where you hide, the killer _always_ knows where you are." The survivalist just groaned.

/

The scene moved back to the mess hall, where Jo was sitting backwards in a chair by the front door. One of the tables had been put on its side to block the front windows, with the other blockading the fireplace; the benches had been placed in between as supports.

"Excuse us," Alejandro said as he and B approached the door, "but B needs to retrieve a few things from the cabin that should make defending this place much easier. We shouldn't be gone long."

Jo shrugged, then smirked. "That's what they all say, but be my guest!" She motioned for the boys to leave, which they did after flashing the jock-ette annoyed looks.

"Did they just leave?" Scarlett asked, walking into view with an apron on.

"Yup!" Jo told her. "Looks like it's just the two of us left."

The brainiac pinched the bridge of her nose. "What, exactly, is the point of creating a well-defended base if people _don't use_ _it_ _?_ "

Jo shrugged. "Who cares? By the way, when are those _brownies_ gonna be ready?"

Scarlett sighed. "The instructions on the packaging said they should be finished in approximately _nineteen_ minutes."

/

"While we're here," Alejandro said as he and B entered their bedroom, "I suppose I may as well grab a few pillows – no reason we can't have some form of _comfort_ if we're to be staying the night in the mess hall."

B nodded, and rummaged through a few drawers, occasionally stowing a tool or spare part in his coat. The lights in the room flickered, causing the two boys' eyes to widen.

"Alejandro... lejandro... lejandro..." A mysterious, echoing voice said lightly, as though it was carried by the wind. "The pillows... the pillows... the pillows..." The lights cut out entirely, leaving only two pairs of eyes to be seen. "B... B... B..." the voice said again, and the two boys looked to the room's entrance just as the fake killer burst through the door, chainsaw roaring.

"Umm, surely we can talk this out?" Alejandro said, dropping the pillows to put his hands in front of himself as he and B began to back away. "Perhaps... we can come to an arrangement of some sort?" The masked man swung his weapon, high enough for his latest victims to duck under and run past him.

/

"Well," Alejandro said back in the tent, " _that_ was quite the turn of events." Next to him, B nodded.

"I can't believe you tried to make a _deal_ with the _kill_ _er_ _!_ " Chris chuckled. "I mean, what were you _thinki_ _ng_ _?_ "

Alejandro laughed tersely. "What can I say? I panicked, and fell back on what usually _works_."

"Hey, I don't suppose you'll let us leave soonm will you?" Shawn asked from his seat in a corner. "It's getting a bit _crowded_ in here." He looked from the host and two newcomers to the other three sat in a row – Sammy, now conscious, was on the far left, blushing and looking down; DJ on the opposite end, holding Bunny and looking at his friend confused; and between them, a mildly annoyed Bridgette.

" _Sorry_ ," Chris smiled unapologetically, "we gotta wait until everyone's _slashed_. And it looks like our buddy Lightning is up next!" The camera panned up and over to the second monitor from the left, where the running jock was unwittingly being trailed by Chef.

The shot lingered on the monitor for a moment before shifting over to Shawn. "Oh man, how does he not realize there's someone _behind_ him?" the scruffy boy said in disbelief.

/

Both the sporty theme and the eerie background music were playing while the scene cut over to Lightning as he slowed his pace. Chef tapped the athlete on the shoulder, finally catching his attention.

"Hey man, you seen the 'Tuesday Night Football' guys around here? I've been lookin' all _over_ for 'em!" Lightning asked over his shoulder. The theme song cut off, and Chef just stared back and breathed heavily. "Man," the uber-jock huffed as he turned his head back, "you could at _least_ say 'no'." He suddenly stopped, eyes going wide as he slowly turned his head back at the man following him.

He screamed, and the shot cut to some treetops before Lightning was unceremoniously deposited in the tent.

"By far," Chris told him as the other campers looked down in disappointment and disbelief, "the worst blunder yet."

"Not to mention _bailin'_ on me," DJ added. "Don't you know you _never_ leave a brother when he's in the bathroom."

"Thanks for coming to look for us by the way," Sammy told him with a blush.

"No problem," DJ told her, "I-"

The conversation was cut short by Scarlett's voice over the monitors. "I can only assume Lightning and DJ aren't coming back," she said.

"Probably bit it together," Jo told her. "The jocks _always_ die in these things, especially if they're big, dumb, and _nice_."

xxx

"Pfft, _now_ she tells me," DJ confessed with annoyance.

xxx

The conversation continued in footage directly from the mess hall. "Doesn't that mean _you're_ a prime target?" Scarlett asked dryly. "I mean, you _are_ the only jock left."

"Yeah," Jo scoffed, "but I'm a _girl_. Tough girls like me always either make it to the end of the movie, or go down fighting."

A ding was heard from the kitchen, and the two young women moved out from the main hall. "So, what about smart girls? How long do they typically last?" Scarlett asked.

"Just long enough to figure out who the killer is, usually," Jo said as the redhead pulled a tray of brownies out of the oven. "Then they die just before they can tell anybody."

"I'll keep that in mind," the brainiac said. "Fortunately, I have absolutely _no_ intention of leaving the mess hall unless it's necessary. I'm confident in my personal safety while I'm here."

"Good for you," the jock-ette said gruffly. "As for me, I've had it waiting inside. I'm gonna go take the fight to the killer." She grabbed a couple of brownies, winced, and nearly fumbled them. "Yeesh, these are _hot_. Still, better to fight with a full stomach. See ya later, Red! Or not." She chuckled as she left the building, pausing only briefly after she'd closed the door behind her.

"Jo... Jo... Jo...," the echoing voice whispered. "Brownies... brownies... brownies..."

The jock-ette smiled darkly. "You and me, psycho!"

/

Back in the kitchen, Scarlett sighed deeply. "Once again," she told herself, "I remain the only one capable of serious forethought." She grabbed the brownies and, of all things, a toaster and took them into the dining area.

The camera pulled back from the monitor and panned to the right, showing Chef standing at the end of the Dock of Shame. Just as Scarlett walked off her screen, Jo walked into view on the other.

"Oh wow," Sammy said in horror, "is she _really_ gonna try to fight the escaped psycho killer with the chainsaw and a hook?"

xxx

"I'm captain of the wrestling team back at school," Jo bragged in the confessional, "so I _know_ I can win if I get close. And once you get rid of the weapons, it's just a big guy with _one ha_ _nd_ _!_ "

xxx

"Well well well," the jock-ette said with a crack of her knuckles. "Look what we have here! Aren't you a little far from the _rink_ , goalie boy?" Chef turned to face the girl, chainsaw already roaring.

The camera pulled back to show Jo with a canoe held over her head, which she promptly threw at the fake killer; her face fell when he merely stepped forward and cut it in half with his saw.

She scowled and threw a deck chair, only for it to be met with the same fate. Her scowl deepened and she looked down at the other objects available on the pier – a surfboard, a life jacket, and a dying fish. She smirked and grabbed the jacket and fish, spinning around to put more force into her throws. The jacket was sawed through, but the fish smacked the killer in the face – distracting him just long enough for Jo to trip him with the surfboard.

He loosened his grip on his chainsaw-on-a-stick when he hit the dock, and Jo took her chance to snap the handle and take the power tool for herself. Chef noticed quickly and brandished his hook at her, but she cut through it as easily as he'd cut through her own weapons.

"Looks like you tried to scare the wrong girl!" Jo boasted, holding the chainsaw inches from the fake killer. "Now let's see who's behind the mask!"

/

A flash took the scene over to Scarlett as she tinkered with a small pile of electronics on the floor and slowly ate the tray of brownies she'd made. The low rumble of a chainsaw heralded the appearance of someone in front of her, dressed in a similar fashion to Chef but with white skin and a scar on his left forearm.

She looked up and rolled her eyes. "It's about time," she said as she continued to tinker with the electronics in front of her. "I suppose Jo was more difficult to deal with than I predicted, but that's no longer relevant." She took another bite of brownie. "Although I suppose it makes me tonight's sole 'survivor'," she told the figure dryly, using air quotes for the last word.

/

"Hey, look what I found!" Jo said cockily, pulling open the tent flap and strutting in holding the hockey mask, Chef following on her heels.

The other campers and Chris clapped and cheered, then Shawn pointed to the monitor still showing the inside of the mess hall. "Huh, looks like it's Scarlett's turn to take on the killer!"

"Hold on," Alejandro said, "if Chef is _here_ ," he pointed to the hulking man at the front of the tent, "then who _exactly_ is with Scarlett?"

"Oh, crap!" Bridgette exclaimed. "It's the _real_ escaped psycho killer with the chainsaw and a hook!"

The entire group had their eyes widen in fear, and as one they ran screaming out of the tent.

"This could be really really good for ratings," Chris told Chef as they raced along, "or really really _bad_ for lawsuits!"

/

"Look, I've already deduced that you aren't a real escaped murderer," Scarlett told the man, who had a similar build as Chef save his white skin and scars. She had stood and put the brownies on the counter between the main room and the kitchen, and had her right arm behind her back.

"I heard a tree falling earlier which I can only presume was related to Shawn, and a killer who was unfamiliar with the camp and its inhabitants would have no reason to suspect one of us to have an arboreal sleeping spot," she explained. "Additionally, with the current levels of ambient light, finding everyone after they left the mess hall would be exceptionally difficult unless you were waiting close to it, which I would have noticed by now. I _will_ compliment you on your costume, though, particularly the poor dental hygiene."

xxx

It was the escaped psycho killer with the chainsaw and a hook who appeared in the next confessional, without his weapon of choice. He breathed into his gloved and took a sniff, then winced. "Oh..."

xxx

"The hook prop as well," the brainiac added as she took another bite of brownie. "I'm not _scared_ , of course," she continued without noticing the man begin to glare, "since as I previously deduced you're nothing but an actor."

The killer, now angry, pulled his hook off to reveal a scabby stump where his hand would have been.

Scarlett looked at it unflinchingly. "I apologize for my false assumption, although I can see why you were cast for this role."

He roared and raised both chainsaw and hook as the music took a sudden and dramatic twist; he paused before he brought them down, and looked behind him toward the door.

The other campers, Chris, and Chef had arrived and piled into the mess hall. "He's the _real_ escaped psycho killer with the chainsaw and a hook!" they exclaimed as one.

"Interesting," the brainiac said calmly as the killer brought his chainsaw down. She quickly dodged and revealed the device she'd been working on earlier from behind her back. The camera gave it just enough focus before it was jabbed at the killer to show two prongs crackling with electricity; the subsequent shock coursed through the man, lifting him slightly off the ground and causing his mask and chainsaw to drop.

The discharge ended as quickly as it had started, leaving the killer slightly smoking. A close-up of his face revealed a unibrow, beady pupils, and a scar through his right eye.

" _Oww_ ," he squealed in an unexpectedly high-pitched voice, "that was _totally_ uncalled for!" Scarlett's eyes widened with shock as he quickly recovered, thrust an accusatory finger at her, then promptly turned and walked away. "Man, I am _so_ outta here! I was treated way better in _prison_ ," he added as he trudged past the shocked campers and staff.

"Well, that didn't go _entirely_ as I predicted," Scarlett mused as she joined the others, "but I don't think I need further evidence to persuade you all of the value of intelligent preparation." The others nodded in stunned silence.

/

The footage skipped ahead to the campfire ceremony, and Chris began to chuckle even before the shot finished transitioning. "Well," he said as the camera cut to Jo's smug face, "it's obvious to everyone that Scarlett wins invincibility," a short pan showed the brainiac with a similar expression of self-satisfaction.

"And sadly," Chris continued as the shot zoomed out to show all nine campers, "it's almost equally unanimous that _DJ_ walk the Dock of Shame. Since," the host put a hand on the boy's broad shoulders, "he was the only one who screamed and bolted without the escaped psycho killer even _being_ there. But!" Chris smiled, "No hard feelings dude, you will be _missed_."

"Thanks, y'all," DJ said, stroking Bunny's head and standing up. "Here," he told Sammy with a sad smile, "you take him. I trust you to keep him safe." He placed the rabbit in her lap, then began to walk towards the docks. On the way, he gave hugs to Bridgette, B, and even Alejandro and Shawn as they came up to him.

"DJ, wait!" Sammy cried as the gentle giant stepped out of the campfire pit area. "I just... I mean, I...," she stammered before she shook her head and ran up to him.

They became the third pair to share a kiss against the moon.

"I-I'm sorry, I don't know what-" Sammy stammered before DJ placed his hands on her shoulders and smiled.

"Don't worry about it," he told her, blushing lightly. He waved goodbye to her, Bunny, and the others who remained before walking to the Boat of Losers alone.

"...Looks like it's just you and me now," Sammy whispered as she stroked the head of her new pet.

/

As the boat sped away with DJ on board, the echoing voice made one last appearance. "Total... total... total... Drama... drama... drama... Island... island... island..." The camera panned left to show the real escaped killer lurking just behind a tree, revealing him as the source of the mysterious voice.

"Oh man," he suddenly whined, "that _really_ hurt. Am I- am I still _smokin_ _g_ _?_ " he asked the camera.

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a lot to say about this episode. DJ goes out in the same episode as canon, but he's done much better for himself overall!
> 
> Also, don't try any of this at home, kids! Seriously, as cool as Scarlett turning a toaster into a taser and using it on the real escaped killed is, it _probably_ wouldn't work in real life.
> 
> Let me know what you thought of the episode, and I'll see you all next time!
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (RETURNED)
> 
> Ezekiel - (21st Place)
> 
> Sugar - (20th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (RETURNED)
> 
> Amy - (RETURNED)
> 
> Scott - (19th Place)
> 
> Beth - (18th Place)
> 
> Sierra - (17th Place)
> 
> Topher - (16th Place)
> 
> Sam - (15th Place)
> 
> Beardo - (14th Place)
> 
> Dawn - (13th Place)
> 
> Amy - (12th Place)
> 
> Geoff - (11th Place)
> 
> Dakota - (10th Place)
> 
> DJ - (9th Place)


	20. Wawanakwa Gone Wild

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want a reminder, the remaining contestants are as follows:
> 
> Girls \- Bridgette, Jo, Sammy, Scarlett
> 
> Boys \- Alejandro, B, Lightning, Shawn
> 
> Get your traps ready, because it's time to catch some wild animals!
> 
> \- Fangren

"Last time, on Total Drama Island!" The recap opened with Bridgette reading the newspaper left behind at the docks, the focus on the killer's photograph segueing into the disguised Chef attacking Alejandro and B before running across the grounds in the distance. "An escaped psycho killer _terrorized_ our campers with his _meat-mangling_ hook," Chef brandishing his weapons at Bridgette and Sammy was shown next, "and _mega-murderous_ chainsaw."

"There was a large amount of _screamin_ g," he said matter-of-factly as DJ and Shawn were shown reacting in terror, "especially considering the whole thing was really just an elaborate punk." Shawn getting tossed into the tent with Chris and the other victims was replayed, as well as Chris revealing the fake killer's identity and Chef pulling up his mask. "Ooh, ooh, ooh! I _love_ this part!" the host said excitedly as the footage cut to the confrontation on the Dock of Shame.

"Jo was the only one to psyche out the psycho," the jock-ette was shown disarming Chef of both chainsaw and hook, "but ultimate victory went to Scarlett, who somehow ended up facing off against an _actual psy_ _cho_ _!_ " Scarlett was shown tinkering and eating when another man came up in front of her; the real killer roared and raised his weapons, Scarlett promptly tased him, and the unmasked killer left in a slightly-smoking huff.

"And despite reuniting with his pet and getting a kiss from his crush," the host continued over Bunny's return, DJ's elimination, and the encounter between him and Sammy, "it was chicken-heart DJ who was sent floating home on the loser boat."

The footage cut not to Chris in his usual spot at the docks, but sitting at the campfire pit. He was stroking a beaver on his lap, which was calmly eating sticks out of the host's other hand. "Only eight campers remain. Who will win? Who will lose?" The beaver ate the final stick, then bit Chris' hand. "Oww!," he exclaimed, picking up the beaver and holding it at arm's length. "Who will need a rabies shot thanks to this _ungrateful_ little-" He remembered the camera on him and ceased his anger, placing the rodent on top of his head with a smile. "Find out on this episode of, Total! Drama! Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode opened with Bridgette and Sammy sitting on the front steps of the girls' cabin, Bunny resting in the nice twin's lap.

"Wow," the surfer said, wrapping her arms around her knees and looking at the ground, "I can't believe Dawn said Scarlett can't be trusted..."

"Sorry for not telling you sooner," the cheerleader said, "I know you're pretty close to her..."

"It's alright," Bridgette told her, "I get that. But I just can't see Scarlett stabbing someone in the back like Alejandro did to Dakota."

"Oh, can't you?" a familiar voice said as the charmer himself walked into view, a handsome smile on his face. "Because if I'm not mistaken, she already stabbed _Geoff_ in the back by voting him out."

"That's different," Bridgette glared, "that was just-"

"Strategy?" Alejandro finished. "Or did she give you some _other_ excuse as to why she turned on her ally?" The surfer broke her glare for a brief moment, and remained silent. "Perhaps 'ally' is too strong a word for what the former Bass were doing, but it doesn't change the fact that Scarlett was willing to throw away her so-called 'friend'. How long before she decides to get rid of B? Or _y_ _ou_ _?_ "

Bridgette grit her teeth, clenched her fists, and stood up. "Come on," she told Sammy, "we should just go." Sammy nodded and put Bunny in the room behind her.

Alejandro grinned as the two young women walked off, and followed shortly after.

/

"Ummm... what _happe_ _ned_ _?_ " Sammy said as she and her friend shot bewildered looks off-camera. The shot panned out to reveal an unexpected scene: Jo hanging from a tree by a roped around her foot, and all the other campers in a wooden cage below her.

" _That's_ what _I'd_ like to know," Scarlett said angrily.

“Yeah, Jo got caught in some kinda _snare trap_ during her morning race with Lightning,” Shawn answered, the camera cut to him inside the cage. “All her cries for help attracted the rest of us, but when B tried to get her down, _boom!_ ” He threw his hands up in exasperation. “Four more fresh brains pinned down and waiting for the _horde_ to come get us.”

The camera panned over to B giving the girls an apologetic shrug, then upward to show Jo crossing her arms and scowling.

“Hey,” she barked, “I did _not_ cry for help!”

“Yeah you did!” Lightning countered.

“No one asked you,” Jo replied. “And don't think you won our race because of this stupid trap, either!”

Lightning was shown rolling his eyes, before his – and the others – turned their attention off-camera.

"Goooood morning campers!" Chris suddenly announced, walking into view with a beaver on his head. "Or should I say, _trappe_ _rs_ _?_ " He grinned, and took he rodent off and held up a knife. "Ready for today's challenge?" The trapped campers gasped. " _Excellent_. Then let's chat about it over _chow_ , shall we?"

He turned and walked away, causing Jo to scowl. "Come back and here and let me _down_ , McLean!" The knife Chris had been holding was obligingly thrown at the rope; it cut clean through, causing Jo to fall on the cage which in turn opened the door from the force of the impact. "Thanks...," the jock-ette muttered, rubbing her lower back.

/

The camera cut to the beach, flying up and over a short distance to the mess hall before cutting inside. At one table sat Bridgette, Sammy, B, and Scarlett; the former two shooting nervous glances at the redhead, who – along with B – was preoccupied inspecting the bowl of something white the campers had been given to eat. A pan across the room showed Alejandro, Jo, Lightning, and Shawn in a similar situation with none apparently willing to eat, with the jock-ette in particular struggling to get a spoonful of the sticky stuff.

"Stupid _paste_ ," she growled as she held the bowl down with one hand and forcefully yanked on the spoon; the adhesive meal finally snapped, but the spoon was sent flying out of her hand.

"Campers," Chris announced, "there are only eight of you left on Total Drama Island. After tonight's dramatic Bonfire Ceremony, only _seven_ of you will remain. We're nearing the _end_ , people! So look alive!"

xxx

"My chances of winning?" Jo began her confessional, stroking her chin. "I'd say they're a hundred percent, _exactly_. I am the _strongest_ , the _smartest_ , and the _best_ camper in the game," she pointed at the camera, "so all of you who got kicked off just need to _accept_ that and vote for _me_."

xxx

"Boo-yah!" Lightning cheered, pumping his arms and kissing his bicep. "Only seven more _losers_ left to beat, and then _Lightning's_ gonna get crowned the winner! Just watch me, Pops," he grabbed the camera and grinned, "'cause your boy's gonna be takin' it home one more time! Sha- _Lightnin_ _g_ _!_ " He flexed his arms, and kissed his biceps again.

xxx

"Today's challenge," Chris said with clasped hands and a grin, "involves making like our province's _great_ rangers and game wardens. You'll each have eight hours to trap an animal, which you must bring back to the campfire _unharmed_."

The footage flashed into a shot of a bear, hog-tied and hanging from what was quickly revealed to be a helicopter. "Rangers and game wardens often have to relocate animals for their own good," the host explained as numerous other helicopters and bears were shown, " _and_ , the good of campers." The scene cut to a group of small children playing on a playground; a bear was dropped on a pigtailed white girl on a seesaw, catapulting her bespectacled partner into the sky.

" _O_ _ww_ _!_ " the little girl cried from beneath the confused bear. "Get off!"

The scene cut back to the mess hall where Scarlett was holding her meal by the spoon embedded within it. "Will we be allowed to cook and eat out animal afterward?" she asked, waving the bowl of paste at the host. "Because I'm in need of _actual_ nourishment."

"Glad you asked that, Scarlett!" Chris said happily. "Reward for winning today's challenge," he paused for effect, "is a meal of _all_ of your favorite foods!"

"A worthy reward," Alejandro said with a dry smile, "and one which I look _forward_ to winning."

"Is it weird that I'm not too _concerned_ about it?" Shawn mused as he poked his paste. "I mean there's _always_ plenty of food in the woods."

xxx

"Am I happy I made it to the Final Eight?" Shawn asked the confession camera. "Yes! Of course! I'd _love_ to win this thing!" Despite his gesticulations, his expression remained rather serious. "The only _problem_ is that I don't think I can last much longer on my zombie-evading skills alone! I'm not _blind_ , I can see people making deals left and right, so it's only a matter of time before they go after the guy nobody's working with." He sighed, and hung his head. "Oh man, I gotta find a way to fix this that doesn't risk me getting eaten when the _zombies_ attack..."

xxx

The scene cut back in with a distance shot of the sun above the thousand-foot cliff, a loon crying before a zoom-cut took the shot to the boathouse. "Everyone," Chris announced as Lightning stepped forward, "choose an animal assignment!" In his hand was a safari hat containing several slips of paper, from which the uber-jock drew one and read it off.

"A _duck_ _?_ " Lightning said, quirking an eyebrow.

"Deer," Jo said next with a smirk.

"Beaver," Sammy said thoughtfully.

"Chipmunk," Alejandro revealed.

"Turtle? Cool," Bridgette said with a smile.

"Frog," Scarlett stated.

B drew his and showed it to Chris. "And Silent B gets a raccoon!" the host said obligingly.

"A _bea_ _r_ _?!_ " Shawn said in alarm. " _Agai_ _n_ _?!_ "

"It's the only animal left!" Chris told him.

"So everyone else gets something _small_ and _cute_ ," the survivalist protested, "while I have to risk getting _mauled_ again?"

"Hey, at least you already have experience!" the host said. "And besides, you get sixty seconds in the boathouse to gather any equipment that might help."

"I really don't think that's gonna help me unless there's a _meat locker_ in there!" Shawn exclaimed. " _Please_ tell me the loser doesn't get kicked off automatically so I can just skip this."

"No," Chris said with a growing smile, "but the loser _will_ have to clean the communal washrooms."

Shawn's eyes widened, and with a few dramatic beats the view switched to an increasingly close view of the communal washrooms and the festering, overflowed, fly-ridden toilets within. The others gasped, and Shawn sighed. "Guess I'm trying the bear..."

"Alright campers," Chris announced, "you have just _one_ minute in the boathouse to grab your critter-catchin' gear!"

/

The footage skipped ahead, the dock in front of the boathouse empty of people as various objects were tossed out of the open door. Inside, the campers searched through crates, barrels, and shelves for anything that could be of use. At the far right was Shawn, looking between an oar and a large sledgehammer. The camera panned left, showing B holding a coil of rope with a hook on the end, Scarlett dumping out a bucket of fish guts, Bridgette and Sammy pulling a net from a barrel, Lightning lifting up a canoe in the back, Alejandro rummaging through a small box, and Jo playing with a large set of shark jaws.

"I doubt those will be useful against a deer," the charmer told her as he walked by and picked up a barrel and box off the top of a crate.

"Probably," the jock-ette said grudgingly, "but you never know. Hey, whaddaya got _th_ _ere_ _?_ " She craned her neck at her ally, then walked over to the crate he'd left behind. After a few moments of digging through it she grinned and pulled out an orange handgun. "Hey, a tranq gun! _This'll_ make things easier." She practiced taking aim at things around the room, and the campers who saw her quickly ducked.

"Hey, watch it with that thing!" Bridgette told her, her glare softening as she turned back to the net and Sammy. "You should take it," she told her friend, "you'll need it more."

"Are you sure?" the cheerleader asked. "I mean, you can have it if you want it."

"Nah, turtles are usually pretty small so it would just go to waste," the surfer replied.

"Ten seconds remaining!" Chris announced with a grin, poking his head in through the door.

Jo turned her head and pursed her lips. Tranquilizer gun in hand she charged through the room, knocking over Lightning in the process.

The uber-jock scowled before noticing that he landed next to a small jar with a picture of a duck on the side of it. "Duck bait?" he said. "Sha- _sco_ _re_ _!_ " Grinning eagerly, he ran off as well.

Scarlett watched him leave and shrugged. "This bucket should be sufficient for my purposes," she told B before walking out. The large boy nodded, and with the rope-and-hook slung over his shoulder he went back to his barrel. He pulled out a burlap sack and smiled, then headed past Chris and out the door.

Shawn groaned. "Aww jeez, only _one_ thing I can do..." Tucking the oar and sledgehammer under his arm, he grabbed a barrel and headed out the door with it.

"Interesting strategy," Alejandro remarked, holding a fish scooper in one hand and a mason jar in the other.

xxx

"With the way things are progressing," Alejandro confessed with a suave grin, "I think I'm the _favorite_ to win Total Drama. I'll admit, it's been a _difficult_ journey, and I've suffered _far_ too much humiliation," he paused, and shuddered, "but I've finally gotten everyone nearly where I want them. I just need to push things just a _little_ bit more, and then they will fall, one by one." He flashed the camera a dark smile.

xxx

"My current calculations places my chance of making it to the Final Two at approximately 99.76%," Scarlett told the outhouse camera smugly. "The only thing I need to do to ensure that I ultimately win is to maintain control of the vote. Preferably my co-finalist will be someone less charismatic than myself, making the most suitable candidates Jo, Lightning, and Shawn. Naturally, this requires B, Bridgette, Samey, and Alejandro to be voted out without it appearing that I've betrayed my two long-time allies."

She rubbed her chin and thought, then crossed her arms and smiled confidently. "Maintaining positive relations with them will be _tricky_ , but is certainly within the scope of my abilities.

xxx

Alejandro, Sammy, and Bridgette were shown exiting the boathouse – the surfer had a large empty bucket in her hands – and passed Shawn who was frantically searching through the barrel he'd taken.

"No...," he muttered, tossing an old boot over his shoulder. "No...," a tin can followed. " _No_... Wait!" he paused in the middle of his throw to give the fishing rod in his hand a second look. "Actually, this _might_ work!" he said with a smile.

"Everybody ready?" Chris asked, a drumroll beginning in the background.

"Yes!" Seven of the campers said, lined up and holding their chosen objects.

"Almost!" Shawn added as he untangled a mess of fishing line.

" _Game o_ _n_ _!_ " the host announced, the drumroll ending as he thrust a finger into the air. Everyone except Shawn dashed off, but a few soon slowed down.

"Excuse me, Bridgette!" Scarlett called out to her former teammate, causing both the surfer and Sammy, who was with her, to flinch and stop in their tracks. "If you need assistance with your challenge," the redhead told her, "I'd be willing to provide it."

Bridgette shared an uncertain look with her fellow blonde. "Uh, thanks, Scarlett, but I can handle catching a turtle on my own. See you later!" She smiled nervously, then ran off; Sammy lingered for an awkward moment before taking off into the woods in a different direction.

"Odd," Scarlett said to herself, raising an eyebrow.

"She doesn't trust you anymore, you know," Alejandro said, coming up alongside her from behind. "At least, not as much as she used to. It's Sammy's influence no doubt, or rather Dawn's – if that strange girl was able to see through _my_ facade, then surely she saw through _you_ as well."

She looked at him blankly. "I'm not interested in forming an alliance with you," she stated.

"But of course!" Alejandro smiled defensively. "You still have B on your side, and perhaps Jo as well! Although the only reason Jo rallied the girls together was because _I_ suggested it, and as you _must_ realize, B is playing the same sort of game as you and I." Scarlett's eyes widened, and Alejandro smiled devilishly.

"Oh, you didn't know that already?" he asked her. "Well, I can't blame you with Jo at least, since I'm certain she would have actually gone behind my back had I not told her we could control _both_ sides. But how could you not see that B has been deliberately laying low while gaining popular support? He's certainly _intelligent_ enough to pull it off."

" _And_ he has a good relationship with most of the former Killer Bass, Bridgette included...," Scarlett murmured, brow furrowed and a hand on her chin in deep thought.

"I believe he gets along fairly well with Samey and Shawn as well," Alejandro added. "If he can continue to win invincibility, it's only a matter of time before he decides to take control of the vote and eliminate the two of us!"

Scarlett frowned for a moment before it faded into a smirk. "I'll commend your persuasive abilities," she told him, "but even if you _are_ correct about his strategy, B lacks the physical abilities needed to continuously win challenges." She slung her bucket over her shoulder and walked off.

"If that's what you wish to believe," Alejandro shrugged as she walked away. He shook his head and smiled, then walked off into the woods as well. "And yet, the seed of doubt has now been planted," he muttered under his breath.

/

The scene cut to somewhere in the forest, a trail barely visible through the trees and rolling hills. A flock of small red birds twittered past as the camera zoomed in, and cut to a male mallard duck standing next to a small pile of seed. It looked down at the food and began to peck at it, the scene pulling out and shifting over to Lightning hidden in a bush.

"That's it little duck," he whispered, "just keep on eatin'..." He stuck the can of bait out from the shrub and poured another small pile closer to his hiding spot. The duck looked up and dashed to the second pile, pecking at it as well.

"Like it, don'tcha?" the athlete whispered, getting into position. "Well how do ya like sha- _Lightnin_ _g_ _!_ " With the cry of his name Lightning pounced; the duck, appropriately enough, ducked under him, and the overachiever crashed into the ground in a heap. The bird looked over at him and quacked twice, then jumped up, stuck out its tongue, and ran off at high speed.

xxx

"Since when were ducks that _fa_ _st_ _?!_ " a bewildered Lightning told the confessional. "How come more teams ain't named after _the_ _m_ _?!_ "

xxx

/

The footage cut to the shore of the lake, where a large turtle rested on top a large fallen tree. The camera panned over to Bridgette tiptoeing up to the part laying on the beach, bucket raised over her head.

"This should be a _snap_ ," she commented to the camera.

xxx

"I guess I've got a pretty good chance of winning," the surfer admitted with a smile. "As long as I don't let _Alejandro_ get to me." Her face fell, and she sighed. "Or if _Scarlett_ doesn't stab me in the back. And I guess I should watch out for Jo and Lightning too. Man, I really miss when this used to be a _friendly_ competition, y'know? Why can't everyone just play _fairly_ , without resorting to tricking other people?" She sighed again, and shook her head.

xxx

Back at the lake, Bridgette had begun to crawl along the log where her target was apparently sleeping. Once she was close enough she smiled and raised her bucket again, bringing it down on top of the turtle.

She heard a metallic clang and furrowed her brow in confusion, eyes going wide when she tried to lift the bucket only to see that the turtle had bitten down hard on it. After a few seconds of struggle she managed to wrest the container free, but only because the turtle had bitten clean through the metal side.

"Oh, crap!" Bridgette exclaimed as the snapping turtle spit out the piece of metal and slid into the water, knocking the young woman off-balance as it went. The surfer pinwheeled her arms frantically, but could not stop herself from falling into the lake as well. She resurfaced, and grumpily spat out a mouthful of water.

/

Alejandro was whistling to himself as he meandered through the woods, collecting nuts and berries from the foliage and forest floor and storing them in the mason jar he'd taken from the boathouse. "This should be _more_ than enough," he told himself while eyeing the collected food. "Now I merely need to _find_ one..."

As if on cue, a chipmunk hopped out of the bushes in front of him. Both human and rodent looked at the other with mild surprise, but the charmer was quicker to react. He knelt down and took a small handful from his jar and offered it to his target. "Hello, my cute little friend," he said with a smile, "want something to eat?"

The chipmunk scurried closer and he tilted his hand, spilling the nuts and berries onto the ground. They were quickly examined, and eaten even quicker still. "There's more where that came from," Alejandro told it with a shake of his jar, "if you would be so kind as to come with me." The chipmunk chittered and nodded, then dashed forward and up the young man's pant leg.

"Y-yes," Alejandro chuckled nervously as a small bulge raced up his body, "climb right on up!" Seconds later the chipmunk popped out of the boy's undershirt, and jumped onto his arm then into the jar. Alejandro stared at it a moment while it began to feast, then shrugged and turned back.

/

The scene shifted yet again, this time showing a raccoon rooting around behind a rock. A pan to the left showed B strolling up to it casually, donning a smile as he partially uncoiled the length of rope on his shoulder. He had tied the end without the hook into a lasso; his first throw came up short and alerted the raccoon to his presence. The music turned ominous as B noticed his quarry looking behind him, and he deigned to look as well.

A veritable swarm of raccoons had managed to sneak up on him. As they chittered angrily more and more revealed themselves, accompanied by a mechanical whir as they climbed onto their companions' shoulders. B, eyes wide and brow laced with sweat, quickly readied his lasso once more. The raccoons did not take the act lightly, and raised themselves even further up until their shadow loomed over the human boy. Every action accompanied by a mechanical whir befitting of a transforming robot, they began to branch off into two distinct limbs, and even a noticeable head.

The eyes of two raccoons began to glow red as the camera zoomed out to show them as the 'eyes' of the larger structure, which also possessed stubby legs, a tail, and even jaws which snapped at B and roared.

Rather than run, B narrowed his eyes and tossed his lasso into the super-raccoon's mouth. It hooked, and he pulled with all his might; a very confused raccoon was dislodged from the greater beast and promptly put into B's burlap sack. As the silent genius slung the sack and rope over his shoulders and ran, the mammalian mecha crumbled into a befuddled swarm.

The viewpoint rotated to the opposite side of the raccoons as they chased after B, showing a shocked Scarlett lurking behind a tree. The camera zoomed in as she bit her lip.

xxx

"Perhaps Alejandro's assessment of B _was_ correct," the brainiac told the outhouse camera, a troubled expression on her face. "Clearly B is more capable than I assumed, and I should reconsider the timing of his elimination."

xxx

The static ended, and Scarlett was shown jogging through a swampy area with several pools of standing water. Although her visage remained strictly determined, her brow did raise when she spotted a frog nearby. It croaked at her as though it were a taunt, and then again in surprise when she sped up and lowered her bucket.

It quickly hopped away so that one of the pools was in-between it and Scarlett, but the young woman swerved left around the pool and slid feet-first past the frog, scooping it up in the bucket before it could get too far away. Her back covered in mud, she nevertheless got to her feet and grinned triumphantly.

/

At another part of the lake, Sammy observed a beaver dam from a distance. "I wonder if I should try to go _inside_ ," she wondered aloud as she picked up a part of her net which had been trailing on the ground.

xxx

"I'm probably not gonna win," Sammy admitted in the confessional. "I mean, it would be _nice_ to, especially if it made Amy treat me better, although using the money to move _away_ from her would be also be good..." She trailed off, and looked down sheepishly. "Then again, I guess I _do_ owe it to Dawn and DJ to try my best." She smiled awkwardly. "Yeah! I think it's time I showed everyone that I'm not just my sister's spare!"

xxx

/

"Come back, duckie!" Lightning shouted, chasing after his absurdly fast target. "Lightning ain't gonna eat you! He just needs you for the challenge!"

The duck came to a sudden stop and quacked at the athlete. Lightning smirked and reached his hands out in preparation, but the duck quacked again and dashed towards the jock and through his legs. Gaping in surprise, Lightning looked down long enough to run straight into a tree.

The collision caused some of the duck bait to fall out of its container. The duck took immediate notice of it and zipped back into view, and once Lightning had shaken away the effect of the impact he grinned.

/

Bridgette wrung some of the water out of her shirt, then looked back at the lake. "Maybe there's a _smaller_ one around here somewhere," she told herself, looking down at her bucket with the bite taken out of it. Using her hand to shield the sun from her eyes, she peered more closely over the water; the viewpoint moved with hers, and the background music spiked when she spotted another turtle resting on a smaller branch some ways away.

The footage flashed ahead to show the surfer tiptoeing up to the basking reptile on solid ground. Slowly and quietly, she placed her only tool on the ground and began to wade through the shallows towards the tiny turtle. The camera cut to below the water as she stepped closer and closer to the fallen branch; her foot knocked into something large and round, revealed to be another snapping turtle when it poked it's head up.

It bit down on the young woman's shoe, the shot quickly panning back above water as Bridgette screamed in pain and leaped back to shore. The turtle she had been stalking slipped into the water, but the blonde was paying too much attention to her toes poking through her shredded shoe to notice.

/

The scene moved to an idyllic-looking pond near the base of a cliff. The background music enhanced the beauty of the landscape as the camera panned across it, showing butterflies fluttering and a light-skinned horse with tan hair and spots on its flank drinking from the pool. A drum beat signaled a shift in the music as a trigger was pulled and the horse's eyes popped open. A purple-fletched dart was shown sticking out of its thigh, and it tipped over to show Jo standing far behind it, tranquilizer gun held high.

"What the heck was _that_ doing out _h_ _ere_ _?_ " the jock-ette asked in shock and annoyance.

/

A flash took the shot to the campfire pit, where a large wooden cage had already been set up for the campers. The first teen to come into view was Scarlett, holding her arm over her bucket while she ran. She skidded to a stop and opened the door to the cage in one fluid motion, and tossed the frog inside.

Moments later B ran into the area, covered in scratches and holding his squirming sack at arm's length. He looked at his fellow genius and she obligingly opened the door for him; he threw the entire burlap sack into the cage, slamming the door behind it and wiping the sweat from his brow.

"Good effort," Scarlett told him smugly, "but I'm afraid I've already won the challenge.”

The large boy blinked and looked at the cage; the raccoon had freed itself from the bag and was now chittering at the frog Scarlett had captured, who in turn was croaking at it.

B shrugged, then gave the redhead a smile. He extended his fist for a bump; Scarlett hesitated a moment, but accepted the gesture.

xxx

It was B's turn at the confessional. He tapped his chin and thought, then raised a finger and opened his mouth as if to speak.

He was cut off when a raccoon burst into the outhouse and latched onto his head, biting and scratching with enough force to knock him over.

xxx

As B walked away from the campfire pit, he passed Alejandro who was walking at a casual pace. The chipmunk he'd been tasked to capture was sitting happily on his hand as he stroked it with a finger. "There you go," he told it, opening the cage door and gently lowering it to the ground. "Just stay there for a moment, you'll be safe." It squeaked happily, and the charmer left it with one last smile before closing the door and turning his attention to Scarlett.

"Congratulations on your win," he told her. "I assume you've already decided what your reward will be?"

"Naturally," the brainiac answered. "Given the grossly inadequate food provided for us, I've chosen a meal rich in both nutrients _and_ calories. I just need to inform the staff."

The loudspeaker came on with a characteristic high-pitched squeal. "Don't forget," Chris announced over it, "last camper to catch their critter, cleans the _washroo_ _m_ _!_ "

"I almost feel _sorry_ for whoever ends up coming in last," Alejandro remarked before turning his grin to his rival. "I don't suppose you've given any more thought to what I told you earlier?"

Scarlett sighed, and held her forehead. "Yes," she groaned, "I have. _Regrettably_ ," she spat, "I have come to the conclusion that your assessment of B's skill level is sufficiently accurate to require a _re_ assessment of my own strategy regarding him. I'm willing to align myself with you to eliminate him on the condition that my involvement remain _strictly_ between the two of us. Agreed?"

"But of course!" Alejandro told her with a smile. He reached his hand out to her, but was shocked when she grabbed it with far greater force than he had anticipated and pulled him close.

"Understand," she hissed inches from his face, eyes seeming to glow red, "that if you renege on this deal, I will _end_ you." She released his hand and stormed away, leaving Alejandro to stare and gape dumbfoundedly at the camera.

xxx

His eyes were still wide even in the outhouse confessional. "Was she always so...," Alejandro said with a fearful shudder, “ _terrifyi_ _ng_ _?_ "

xxx

/

The scene cut to Shawn as he pulled himself out of a bush, holding a long stick. He examined it and grinned, then broke it over his knee and stuck the two halves in his knit cap. The camera focused in on them as he jogged off; both were forked, and made him appear to have antlers.

A flash forward put the survivalist outside of the mess hall by a metal garbage can. He removed the lid and nearly wretched from the smell coming off of it; holding his nose, he began to sift through the contents – almost entirely food waste. He singled out a moldy, half-eaten piece of meat in particular, and hooked it to the fishing pole he'd found earlier. He replaced the trashcan lid, and after looking around a few times, picked the whole can up and took it with him.

xxx

"One of the first rules you gotta remember when dealing with zombies is that you _never_ try to attract them," Shawn explained. "But even though it's a _bear_ I have to find, it still feels _weird_ that I'm trying to lure one to the campfire pit. But hey," he shrugged, "they may be vicious predators, but at least anyone they eat won't turn into another bear, right?"

xxx

The footage picked back up with Shawn placing the trashcan in front of a cave, then removing the lid and jumping into a nearby tree.

"I hope this works...," he muttered as he readied his fishing pole.

/

Back at the lake, Sammy had already waded up to her waist as she crept up on the beaver dam. Holding her net in a wad above her head, she took a deep breath and dived.

The camera cut to the inside of the dam, where a trio of beavers sat around a table. Shallow wooden dishes sat in front of each, and on the walls were several pictures of either them or their kin. Sammy popped her head up from the watery hole on the right, and smiled. The rodents looked at each other, then back to the intruder.

"Sorry for, uh, coming in _unannounced_ ," the cheerleader said as she wiped a strand of wet hair out of her face. "This is kind of awkward to _say_ , but-" she was interrupted by a tail slap to the face, causing her to yelp. "S-sorry," she stammered, holding up the net in self-defense, "I just wanted-"

The beavers stared at the net and growled; the camera cut back outside as the sound of tail slaps and Sammy's pain filled the air. It immediately cut back to her flailing, accidentally tossing the net as she tried to shield herself from the blows. Her eyes popped open when she realized they weren't coming anymore, and the camera panned left to reveal the trio of beavers struggling to get free from the net.

"Oh...," she said blankly before a smile formed on her face.

/

The camera quick-panned to another part of the lake, where a turtle was basking on yet another partially-submerged tree branch. Bridgette, still missing part of one shoe, was standing on the shore watching it with a contemplative look. She snapped her fingers and smiled, then the shot moved back over to the resting reptile.

Its eyes slowly blinked open when the branch began to shake, and it slowly raised its head to look around. Before it could crane its neck backwards the shaking became wilder, and it abandoned its perch soon after. However, rather than slip into the lake water, it ended up on the beach, and on its back.

The camera panned left to show a grinning Bridgette holding one end of the branch, now firmly and entirely on the shore.

/

An aerial view of the island was shown, the camera rotating clockwise away from camp and zooming in to a distant part of the forest. Jo, holding her gun at the ready, was shown walking through the woods with a scowl on her face. She came to a clearing and stopped, immediately noticing three rustling patches of bushes around her. She smirked when antlers popped up from the bushes to her left and right; she spotted something similar but without the characteristic branching from the bush straight ahead, and silently pumped a fist.

Three shots were fired, and each dart struck its intended target. From the furthest bush fell a mountain goat with shaggy white hair, and Jo scowled. To her right was none other than Sasquatchanakwa, who was inexplicably wearing one of the deer costumes used for the paintball challenge earlier in the season, and Jo's scowl deepened. And lastly, to her left emerged what appeared to be a large brown rabbit with antlers growing naturally from its head.

"Oh, come _o_ _n_ _!_ " Jo growled, stomping out of the clearing and leaving the three animals lying on the ground, purple tranquilizer darts protruding from their rears.

/

Light and reverent music began in the background as the static cut back to the campfire pit. Chris McLean himself leaned against the wooden cage in the background, while in the fore a picnic table had been set with cloth and candelabra as Scarlett, seated at one of the shorter sides, looked over her reward for completing the challenge.

" _Wow_ ," the host remarked as the redheaded brainiac smiled in anticipation, "that all looks _goo_ _d_ _!_ "

"Open the cage!" a familiar feminine voice cried from off-screen, alerting the handsome host to quickly oblige. It was Sammy, soaking wet, who appeared from the right, struggling to maintain her grip on her net while the trio of beavers fought to escape or at least move back towards their home. With a squeal and grunt of effort the nice twin threw her bundle into the cage just as a hole formed, and Chris promptly shut the door with a grin.

"Hey, pretty impressive!" he told her. "And no rabies!" A second groan from out of view prompted him to briefly re-open the cage so Bridgette could dump the turtle out of her damaged bucket.

"I'm gonna go dry off," the surfer muttered, her clothes and hair still dripping.

"Me too," Sammy added, and the pair of blondes walked off together.

"Congratulations, girls!" Chris told them as they left, and the camera showed them looking back in annoyance.

"I suppose their irritation is justified," Scarlett mused as Chef appeared with a cart of food – bowls of fruit and pasta, as well as a large ham. "After all," she continued as she gazed approvingly at her meal, "they've received no tangible reward for their efforts."

A drumroll led up to the next transition.

/

"Okay," Jo told herself, "so I haven't found a deer yet. So what? At least I know I'm a good _shot_ with this thing," she gave her gun a pat, "so it's just a matter of tracking _down_ one of the dumb animals." The sudden appearance of what appeared to be antlers over the top of a bush caused her to smirk. "Looks like fourth time's the charm," she told herself as she shot; the dart passing through the foliage and striking true, based on how the antlers immediately disappeared from view. She pumped a fist, then jogged over to check her latest 'kill'.

She was forced to stop however when a roaring bear ran in front of her. " _What the_...?" she murmured as she watched it pass, but moments later she shrugged and turned her attention back to her task. She pushed aside branches and leaves to get to her fallen quarry, and gasped when she saw what it was: Shawn, antler-like sticks in his hat, holding a bare fishing rod, a purple-fletched dart in his left shoulder.

"Ah, crap!" she exclaimed, smacking her forehead in frustration. "That was my last dart, too!" she huffed, then directed a scowl down at her unconscious competitor. "Well, might as well take you back to camp. Those losers would probably kick me _off_ if I let you get eaten by a bear." Holstering the dart gun in her pants and leaving the fishing pole behind, the jock-ette slung the smaller teen over her shoulder and broke into a jog.

/

"So," Chris asked, now sitting on a stump at the far end of the table as the scene cut back to the campfire pit and Scarlett's meal, "what are you having first?"

"The fruit salad," the redhead answered matter-of-factly. "It's the _obvious_ appetizer, and I could use the vitamins." She popped a grape into her mouth, then looked with mild interest as another excited cry came from behind her.

"Y'all better open that cage, 'cause sha- _Lightnin_ _g_ _'s_ bringin' it home!" It was the duck who appeared first, legs a blur as it ran past Chris as the host hustled over to the cage. Lightning ran into view near the main entrance to the area and put a small pile of bait on the ground; the duck quickly doubled back to eat it, and ran off again as the uber-jock resumed the chase.

The fowl ran beneath the table and Lightning vaulted over it, causing the candelabra to tip, the pasta bowl to spill, and Scarlett to become very peeved. The duck was baited at the other side of the table then chased back under it, Lightning once again taking the high route and ruining more of Scarlett's hard-earned reward. "Close the cage, dude!" The athlete commanded as he herded his fine-feathered foe towards it.

"Are you sure?" Chris asked jovially.

"Do I _look_ like I'm not sure?!" Lightning shot back, the bars of the cage clearly visible behind him. The host shrugged and did as he was told, shutting the door with the uber-jock firmly behind it. The camera pulled back to show him surrounded by eight rather irate-looking animals.

"What are y'all mad at _me_ for," he asked them, "I ain't the one who trapped you in here!" The duck quacked. "Well, maybe _you_ ," Lightning admitted, "but the rest of you got no reason to-"

The animals pounced on him, the camera cutting away as the athlete's cries startled a flock of birds into flight.

/

The campfire ceremony began with all the usual fanfare, the campers shown sitting in two rows – Scarlett, Alejandro, Lightning, and Jo in back; B, Bridgette, Sammy, and Shawn in front, the latter strapped to an upright dolly-like device and still visibly suffering the effects of the tranquilizer.

"You've all cast your votes, and made your decision," Chris announced. "When I call your name," the shot switched to him and his tray of treats, "come up, and claim your marshmallow. The camper who does not receive a marshmallow tonight," the camera focused in on the fluffy bits, dramatic notes in the music underscoring the host's every word, "must _immediately_ return to the Dock of Shame, to catch the Boat of Losers, and leave." Both dock and boat were shown before the shot cut back to Chris' close-up.

"That means," he continued, "you are out of the contest." Sammy was shown looking distinctly worried. "And you can't come back, _ev-er_." The handsome man's lips were shown closely as the final two syllables passed through them.

xxx

"Of all the aspects of Total Drama, I'll be most content knowing I won't have to encounter Chef's _food_ again," Scarlett confessed.

xxx

"The _food_ ," Alejandro shuddered in horror.

xxx

"Can't _stand_ the food!" Lightning added.

xxx

"It's the most _disgusting_ ," the charmer continued.

xxx

" _Disturbing_ ," Jo said.

xxx

" _Foul_ ," the uber-jock added.

xxx

" _Ill-prepared_ ," Scarlett continued.

xxx

" _Mold-covered_ ," Alejandro said, turning a bit green.

xxx

" _Inedible_ ," the brainiac added.

xxx

" _Tasteless_ ," the jock-ette said.

xxx

" _Hurl-worthy_ ," Lightning continued.

xxx

" _Pathetic_ excuse for _slop_ I've eve seen!" Jo finished. "And don't even get me _started_ on the bathrooms!"

xxx

"The state of the stalls is truly baffling," Scarlett admitted.

xxx

"It is as though they have not seen cleaning supplies in," Alejandro began.

xxx

"Almost forty _years_!" Jo unwittingly completed.

xxx

"Completely _unsanitary_ ," Alejandro continued with a shudder.

xxx

"Sha- _dang_ , they stink!" Lightning finished, waving a hand in front of his nose.

xxx

"The first marshmallow goes to...," Chris began as the ceremony final continued, " _Scarlett_." He tossed the treat to the brainiac, who accepted it with a smile. "Bridgette!" the host continued, adding "Samey!" when the two girls were shown. They smiled at each other as they caught their prizes.

"...Lightning," was next after a short pause, catching the high toss and crushing the marshmallow as he pumped his fist. "Shawn," the host said, bouncing the sweet off the tranquilized boy's head.

"Aaaand _Jo_ ," Chris drawled, tossing the penultimate marshmallow to a smug jock-ette, causing a gurgle of protest from Shawn. "One marshmallow," the host said as the music became tense, "two players. Alejandro, B," the two boys were seen, eyes wide and nervous, "one of you has spent your last night on Total Drama Island." The two were shown closely, B beginning to sweat but Alejandro quickly narrowing his gaze and smirking at those seated to his left.

"Alejandro," the host stated plainly, tossing the final marshmallow over the fire.

Bridgette and Sammy gasped, the former giving B a hug as he stood up. He gave her a pat on the back and they broke apart, the silent genius turning to his other former ally. Scarlett would not meet his gaze, however, prompting B to frown in disappointment. He walked away from the campfire pit with his hands in his pockets and his head shaking sadly, leading Bridgette to look between him and her roommate in confusion.

"And by the way," Chris whispered as he leaned closer to Shawn, "since Jo managed to catch something and you didn't, you have some _unfinished business_ left." He smiled devilishly, and held up a mop and bucket.

Shawn issued a muffled and spluttering groan, while Sammy watched and put a finger to her lip.

/

The scene cut to outside the communal washrooms, and the sounds of scrubbing could be heard from within.

"Thanks again for helping me with this," Shawn said as he sprayed cleaning fluid at the mirrors and sinks while still harnessed to his dolly. "I'd rather not have to spend all night cleaning this place while I can barely move. _Zombies_ , y'know?"

"Oh, it's nothing," Sammy smiled, a clip on her nose giving her voice a stuffed and nasally quality. She took a deep breath and entered one of the stalls with a mop, then the camera panned down to show Bridgette on her hands and knees, wearing rubber gloves and scrubbing a section of the floor.

"Yeah," the surfer said, "it really sucks that Chris gave this job to you after you were _paralyzed_ for half the day. _Nobody_ should have to do this alone."

"You know what," Shawn smiled to himself, "I think you're right."

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I am... disappointed that I didn't really _do_ anything with B. He made it this far in the game, but he was barely even a character; part of that absolutely stems from his gimmick, which is difficult to make work in a text-based medium, but still. I have tried here and there to expand his presence a bit for this revision, but it's barely amounted to anything. He's such a cool character, but unless you're using his POV he's so hard to right in a fic like this. To those new readers who were hoping for more from him, I apologize.
> 
> Ultimately, B's role in the first season was to be Scarlett's number, to be used until she had to decide to cut him. And thus here we stand, with Alejandro getting the upperhand on her once again by tricking her into voting off someone who would have likely been loyal to her to the end.
> 
> The only other things I'd like to mention here are the first added 'scene' (dialogue, really) of this revision; the post-credits opener had originally had most of the cast trapped off-screen without explanation, but upon rereading it I decided it really wasn't very funny. Thus, I had Shawn, Jo, and Lightning providing some expository banter to better explain things.
> 
> And second, a reminder for new readers about the episode order: with the additional player returning at the merge, two episodes had to be swapped around in order for the numbers to fit. Thus, the next chapter will cover 'After the Dock of Shame' (aka 'Haute Camp-ture'), and the chapter after that will cover 'Trial by Tri-Armed Triathlon'.
> 
> That's all for now. Let me know what you thought, and I'll see you all next time!
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (RETURNED)
> 
> Ezekiel - (21st Place)
> 
> Sugar - (20th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (RETURNED)
> 
> Amy - (RETURNED)
> 
> Scott - (19th Place)
> 
> Beth - (18th Place)
> 
> Sierra - (17th Place)
> 
> Topher - (16th Place)
> 
> Sam - (15th Place)
> 
> Beardo - (14th Place)
> 
> Dawn - (13th Place)
> 
> Amy - (12th Place)
> 
> Geoff - (11th Place)
> 
> Dakota - (10th Place)
> 
> DJ - (9th Place)
> 
> B - (8th Place)


	21. After the Dock of Shame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want a reminder, the remaining contestants are as follows:
> 
> Girls \- Bridgette, Jo, Sammy, Scarlett
> 
> Boys \- Alejandro, Lightning, Shawn
> 
> \- Fangren

Although the opening shot for the episode was superficially similar to the one used for nearly all episodes prior, Chris was conspicuously absent from his normal spot on the docks. "In today's special episode of Total Drama Island!" the host began to narrate, the scene flashing from the empty pier to close-ups of each remaining contestant as they were named. "You've been watching Jo, Scarlett, Lightning, Alejandro, Bridgette, Samey, _and_ Shawn make their way to the Final Seven." The campers were shown sitting together from the end of the previous episode's elimination ceremony, then the scene cut to outside the mess hall, the communal bathrooms visible in the background.

Alejandro burst out of the mess hall door, leaning over the railing near the entrance and vomiting into a bush; at the same time, Lightning ran screaming from the washrooms, Sasquatchanakwa hot on his tail. "It's been a _long_ six weeks," the host continued as the camera panned left to show him on the pier. "So! We decided to give our weary finalists the day off to contemplate how far they've gotten, and enjoy all the camp grounds have to offer." The camera moved further to the left, revealing Shawn and Sammy in the branches of a tree as a grizzly bear roared at them from below, and moments later Alejandro, Lightning, and now Scarlett ran past as they were chased by the sasquatch. Even further along, Jo and Bridgette were swimming in the lake; the jock-ette managed to pull ahead as they went off-camera, but the two girls quickly reappeared, backpedaling away from a shark fin.

"But what happens to the campers _after_ they walk the Dock of Shame, board the Boat of Losers, and leave the camp?" Chris asked in a close-up. The scene flashed to a totem pole, the host leaning out from behind it to add"Where are these rejects living?" Another flash showed him at the summit of the thousand-foot-high cliff. "How are they spending their time?"

Chris' next location was an unidentified spot of the forest, and he held up a chest of gleaming gold coins, jewels, and jewlry. "And _who_ do they think deserves to win the hundred grand? The _losers_ are about to let it _all_ hang out," the shot moved again from the trailer Alejandro had won earlier in the season to the outhouse confessional, complete with the usual static, "and you won't wanna miss a word!"

The final transition sent the smiling host back to the docks, the camera pulling back to show him on a red jet ski. "Comin' up, on Total! Drama! Island!" The recap finished, and Chris sped off from the island.

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

Tropical music began to play as the scene moved to a long pier leading up to a short cliff. A variety of deck chairs and umbrellas could be seen set up along both it and the beach, and a pair of small sailboats were docked to the left. At the top of a cliff was a mansion, painted beige with a gray roof and a number of palm trees dotted around the landscape. Against the background scenery of rolling hills and tall spruces, the palms stood out.

Chris entered the scene on the same jet ski he'd been riding, announcing 'Welcome to Playa Des Losers!" with a wave as he docked. "The _all_ -inclusive luxury resort," he continued over close-ups of the building, the palms, and a buffet table with a variety of dishes, "where our campers are sent after being _brutally_ voted out of the game, to lick their wounds," Sugar and Amy were shown sunbathing by a pool, with Scott sitting in a chair nearby, whittling a piece of wood, "and accept their fate, as reality show _has-beens_." Topher was shown at the top of a high-dive; he shot double finger pistols at the camera, then took a swan dive into the pool.

"When we are down to the two final competitors," the host-wannabe's splash was heard before he resurfaced and winked, "their fate will be in the hands of these fifteen _losers_!"

The scene moved over to Beth, Beardo, and Sierra in their bathing suits, sitting on stools around an island smoothie bar.

"Oh my gosh, he is _super_ cute," Beth gushed with her usual lisp.

"Yeah," Beardo added as he took a sip of his drink, "too bad he's so full of himself."

"I dunno," the farm girl said in awe, "I think it might be worth it."

" _Hmph_ ," Sierra snorted, rotating in her seat fast enough that her long ponytail whipped around and smacked Beardo in the cheek; he rubbed it with one hand and glared at the fangirl. "He's not so _hot_ ," she said with crossed arms, "not as hot as _Chris_ , anyway. Topher's just a _poser_ , in every sense of the word."

As she spoke, the viewpoint shifted below the water, showing the three teens' legs as dangerous music began to build in tension. The camera cut back above just as the music reached its peak, and Staci popped up wearing a diving mask and snorkel. Her sudden surfacing had caused the trio seated at the bar to get splashed, and they shot the girl annoyed looks.

"Y'know, it was my great-great-great uncle's cousin Phil who invented snorkeling, _yah_ ," she rattled off. "Like, before him, people had to hold their breath when swimming just below the surface of the water. And my great-great grandma Gertie invented swimming pools," she continued, oblivious to the glares of her captive audience. "Before her, people had to travel long distances in order to find a body of water to swim in."

Beth groaned and covered her ears. "Uggh, no one _car_ _es_ _!_ "

"Yeah," Sierra chimed in, "you're just lucky I don't have my computer with me or I'd _totally_ look up everything you say on the internet just to prove how wrong you _are_."

"Well I just thought you'd like to know," Staci flushed snappily, "you don't have to, like, bite my head off! You guys are worse than my fourth cousin once removed, who-" She trailed off when she noticed Beardo's bare foot on her shoulder. The beatboxer made a noise like a gun cocking, then let off a cannon blast as he shoved the blabbermouth away with enough force to cause her to scream.

Beardo shook his head. "Y'know, at first I thought she was just sayin' all that stuff because she was shy, like how _I_ was at the start of the competition..."

"But she just never _stopped_ ," Beth finished sadly.

/

The shot moved to Ezekiel, sitting in a hot tub wearing sunglasses and a golden 'Z' around his neck; a hiphop sort of tune began to play in the background as Chris continued his narration. "As you can see," he said, "our campers have made themselves _comfortable_ here at our luxury resort."

Ezekiel frowned, and the camera pulled back to show the gamer and heiress kissing nearby. "Looks like Sam and _Dakota_ are happy to be reunited," Chris said slyly as the unlikely couple broke their kiss and turned towards the camera.

"This place is _way_ more my style," Dakota gushed.

"Sure beats living back at camp!" Sam added, and the two began to kiss again.

The camera moved over to Amy and Sugar lounging near the pool. "This place is _so_ good," the mean twin said, "it almost makes up for the fact that _Samey_ hasn't been kicked off yet. Hopefully she'll be _injured_ so she doesn't get to come here."

"I sure could get used to this!" Sugar chuckled. "Next time I win a pageant, I'm usin' the prize money to come back here!" She rolled over onto her stomach and the cheerleader next to looked at the camera and mimed sticking a finger down her throat.

/

A flash took the scene over to a grill, where B was cooking a number of sausages. He smirked at the camera, and opened his mouth as if to talk.

"I really think people are starting to respect me," Staci interrupted, climbing out of the pool and wringing out her hair, not noticing B's scowl. "Like, it's been almost _two week_ s since I last had duct tape over my mouth! Although that might just be because _Lightning_ left..."

"No," Scott told her with a dark grin as he approached the grill, "we just ran out of _tape_." He leaned over the grill cover and speared a sausage with a fork, taking a bite immediately. "Nice work with the meat," he told B in an oddly disingenuous tone, "it's almost a _shame_ it took you so long to be eliminated!" He began to laugh as he walked away, and B threw an uncooked sausage at the back of his head.

/

Dawn and DJ were the next to be shown, the latter wearing a life jacket in addition to his swim trunks and both sitting cross-legged at the edge of the pool. "I gotta say," the gentle giant remarked, "I _never_ woulda guessed I'd end up in a place like this after gettin' kicked off."

"Oh yes," the mystic added, "even _I_ was surprised! The tea leaves _never_ predicted that I would end up in a place like this, only that I wouldn't be separated from my friends for long!"

"Yeah," DJ began to say before blinking and raising an eyebrow at the petite girl. "Wait, what?"

/

A different hiphop sound began to play as the camera cut back to Ezekiel, still in the hot tub. "Yo, yo, dawg!" he said, flashing an attempted gang sign. "Check it out! Bein' famous has _totally_ changed my life! I'm just kickin' it, yo! Got me some fly bling, too!" He held out his 'Z' necklace, and it shimmered in the light. "You like?" He looked over at Sam and Dakota, who merely gave him awkward looks.

The three had their attention diverted by a sudden whoop and holler. "Cannonball!" Sugar exclaimed, launching herself into the pool from ground level. Beth, Beardo, and Sierra were drenched by the subsequent wave, and the pageant queen resurfaced with a grin on her face and both hair and make-up thoroughly out of place.

"That was _fun_ ," she remarked before spotting something pink floating next to her. She held them up, revealing them as a pair of bikini bottoms identical to the ones she herself had been wearing. "Huh, wonder where _these_ came from?"

The three at the island bar shot nervous looks at each other, but said nothing.

/

The footage flashed forward; Ezekiel was now lounging by the pool with Amy and a sobbing Geoff.

"Oh Bridge," he moaned in an overly dramatic and sing-song fashion, "I miss you so much! I wish you were here with me, but I also really want you to _wi_ _n_ _!_ " He sniffed, then gave the camera a sad look. "Babe, I hope you're thinkin' of me back at camp! Oh why did you let me get voted off like that?" he finished in his out-of-tune sing-song voice.

The clip of Jo suggesting the girls' alliance vote for him was shown through a gray flashback filter, and when it ended the party boy sobbed again.

"Uggh," Amy told him in disgust, "it's been like a _week_ and a _half_ , get _over_ it already! I mean, she's not even that good-looking! It's like she's never even _heard_ of make-up, and have you _seen_ her clothes? Oh my _gag_ they're almost as bad as my _siste_ _r's_ _!_ "

"I don't know eh," Ezekiel piped up, "I think she's pretty great. Goin' without all that fancy make-up an' stuff really suits her, plus she's really nice."

Amy rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well, it's not like _you_ have any experience with girls. You're just some prairie _loser_ , I doubt you ever _saw_ a girl you weren't related to before you came here."

"Hey, just because I was homeschooled doesn't mean I don't know stuff about girls!" Ezekiel defended himself before becoming sheepish and scratching his head. "Although I guess I _was_ wrong about a buncha stuff, so maybe you're right." Amy smiled smugly, and turned her nose up and away from him. "So which girl do _you_ like best?" Ezekiel asked her in an innocent tone.

The cheerleader's eyes popped open into a glare, which she directed immediately and ferociously at the boy next to her. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?" she hissed.

"It's just that since your _sister_ likes both guys an' girls," the homeschooler said growing more and more nervous by the second, "I just figured you'd be the same way on account o' you two bein' _twins_."

"Ex _cuse_ me?" Amy said, leaning closer to the prairie boy. "Don't you _dare_ compare me to my _pervert_ of a sister!" She lunged at him, but he managed to yelp and dart away just quick enough so she landed on his chair instead. "Get back here you little _fre_ _ak_ _!_ " she shrieked, giving chase.

Geoff was shown again, eyes wide as he watched in a brief silence that was broken when he sniffed again. "Oh Bridgette, I wish you were here!" he sang as tears began to form. "I know you'd be able to calm everyone down, you were so good at that kinda thing!" He started to cry, but stopped moments in as his nose caught a whiff of something. "Wait, do I smell burgers?" he perked up, grinning when he saw B approaching him with a hamburger on a plate. "Dude, _ni_ _ce_ _!_ " Geoff exclaimed, sadness forgotten as he eagerly chowed down.

/

The focus moved to Topher, who was sitting at the edge of the pool with his legs dangling in the water. "You know, I learned a _lot_ on Total Drama Island," he told the camera. "Mostly that watching Chris is _way_ better in person than on TV. Also," he added, "hosts can get away with _way_ more stuff than contestants, which I should probably keep in mind when I get my _own_ show."

/

"I still firmly believe that I did _not_ deserve to be the fourth person voted out," Sugar declared as she hung on to the side of the pool. "Why should _I_ be punished for havin' more singin' talent than the rest of 'em put together? Ain't _my_ fault the judges didn't appreciate it!" A flashback showed the final high note of her disastrous performance, and both Chris and Chef rejecting it, thus costing her team the challenge.

/

The shot cut back to Beth and Beardo at the island bar. "Man, even after all that's happened," Beardo explained, "I'm still pretty glad I got on Total Drama. When I came here," he said as flashback footage began to play of his screentime in the early episodes, "I was so shy I could barely talk!"

"Oh, I _remember_ that!" his friend said as the flashback ended. "You mostly just made sounds for the first few days! I didn't mind, though, since you're so _good_ at them." Beardo smiled, nodded, and began to produce a medley of sounds – wild animals, vehicles, and tools in between more traditional beatboxing.

"I thought they were just gonna annoy everybody," the hair boy admitted, "but they managed to save our _butts_ a couple times!" More footage was shown, this time highlighting the end of the dodgeball and talent contest challenges. "Not to mention helping me make friends with Beth." He smiled at the short girl, and they bumped fists.

/

A flash took the scene over to Amy, who was trying to tear up an electric lamppost when she noticed the camera. "I am _so_ gonna have Daddy's lawyer friends look into my eliminations when I get home," she said brattily. "I mean, losing to Samey _once_ was bad enough, but _tw_ _ice_ _?!_ " She growled and stamped a foot. "There's no _way_ she managed to beat me without cheating. It's just a matter of time before I find out _ho_ _w_ _!_ "

"Girl," DJ called over to her with a scowl, "you're trippin' somethin' _fierce_. We voted you out 'cause all you did was torture your sister!" As he spoke, scenes played of Amy shoving her sister off the cliff then landing on top of her in the water, of Sammy failing to hold Amy up during their cheer, and of Amy pushing her sister towards a sheep. The flashbacks ended, and Dawn nodded sagely from her spot next to the gentle giant.

"Shyeah," Geoff added as he finished off his hamburger, "you were harsh towards her, like, _all_ the time. It really killed the mood at camp."

"Plus," Dakota chimed in as the camera quickly panned to the hot tub, "as soon as you got back in the game, you tried to kiss _DJ_ when you were already dating _Light_ _ning_ _!_ It's no wonder you got kicked off again." The scene of the mean twin's failed trickery was replayed, followed by a few brief clips of her second elimination.

The camera cut back to Amy, who rolled her eyes and snorted. "Yeah, well, maybe if you people would have just gotten rid of her like I _wanted_ , none of that would've happened and I'd still be in the game like I _deserve_." She grit her teeth and channeled her anger, finally managing to tear out the lamppost.

"At least you made it further than _I_ did, yah," Staci said as she walked past. "I was the first to be eliminated, so I'm-" She was cut off when Amy smacked her in the back of the head with the lamppost, knocking her off-camera.

/

"How would I characterize my experience?" Sam repeated as he sat with an arm around his girlfriend. "Uh, well...," he scratched the back of his head and looked up as clips began to play of his time on the island. Set to an 8-bit track reminiscent of a few popular video games, the flashback showed his dive off the cliff in the first challenge, getting hit by dodgeballs, getting stung by bees and jellyfish, and finally his disastrous 'battle' with Chef.

"Yeah, it was kinda _painful_...," the gamer admitted. "But hey, at least I have an amazing girlfriend now!" He kissed Dakota on the cheek, causing her to giggle and blush.

/

"Did I _get_ anything out of this experience?" Scott repeated in disbelief, now leaning against one of the palm trees on the edge of the area, and still whittling. "Of course not! Nothing eventful even _happened_ , this whole thing was just a waste of time!"

"Didn't you keep sabotaging the team, then get cursed and have all your schemes blow up in your face?" Sierra asked as she walked by with a plate of food. "Because watching Scarlett yell at you was pretty _fun_ , I think I'll post about it on my _blog_." Naturally, the sudden revelation of Scott's treachery was replayed in full, complete with sound.

" _Feh_ ," the farmer snorted, "I woulda gotten _away_ with it too, if it hadn't been for-" A coconut dropped on his head, interrupting his rant and causing him to drop his knife and carving. "Ow! What the heck is _with_ this anyway," he remarked bitterly, rubbing where he'd been hit and glaring at the coconut, "this ain't exactly the _trop_ _ics_ _!_ Or couldn't you come up with anything _be_ _tter_ _?_ "

A pile of snow suddenly fell, knocking him to the ground and burying him beneath it. "Me and my big mouth...," he groaned as a small toboggan fell next, followed by a very small Inuit in a parka, who promptly slid off without acknowledgment.

/

"So DJ," Chris said from off-camera, "if you could say something to one of the seven remaining campers, what would it be?"

"Well, I guess I'd tell Sammy that I hope she's gettin' on okay with Bunny. I miss 'em both, but I really hope she wins," the gentle giant said. A light but triumphant tune began to play under another series of clips: first was DJ and Sammy's parting on the Dock of Shame, followed by a shot of them on the dock together after their friend was eliminated, and his not-quite-private confession during the horror movie challenge. "She's pretty important to me, y'know?"

"Yeah, dude," Geoff said, drawing the camera over to him as he backstroked through the pool. "The two of you should _totally_ hang out with Bridge an' me once this is over," he suggested as he righted himself in the water. "It could be, like, a double date!"

DJ blushed and waved his hands in front of himself. "Nah, man, we ain't like that. That kiss was just like a spur of the moment thing."

"Really?" the party-lover said with a confused look. "Because you two seemed pretty into each other all _season_."

"Dude, it ain't that simple!" the gentle giant said sternly. "I can't just ask a girl out without gettin' my Momma's approval first! What if they don't get along?"

"Wait, who're we talkin' about again?" Sugar asked as she, too, floated past the edge of the pool where DJ and Dawn sat. "'Cause didn't you say you loved both the loser cheerleader _and_ the creepy girl?" She looked at the latter, eyes getting wider. "Oops! _So_ _rry_ _!_ " She laughed, flashed the two a toothy and thoroughly unapologetic grin, then swam off.

Meanwhile, both DJ and Dawn had started to blush again, and were nervously scooting away from each other. "I-is that what I said?" the gentle giant squeaked, not meeting the eyes of anyone around him or even the camera. "I don't remember!"

"U-umm," Dawn added while twiddling her fingers, "me neither! I wasn't _there_ of course, and it's not like they let us watch the episodes _here_ or anything... And besides, I think you and Sammy make a _wonderful_ couple, and it's not like there's any way someone as _wonderful_ as you two would ever be in love with _me_..."

"Hey, that's not true!" DJ told her, his voice still uncharacteristically high-pitched and unsteady. "You're _amazing_ , and I... I mean, who _wouldn't_ want you to be their girlfriend?" The pair smiled and hesitantly turned back to each other, but the moment they made eye contact they blushed and turned apart again.

The camera quick-panned over to Sugar, who was now clinging to the side of the pool close to where Amy was standing. The cheerleader mimed gagging again, earning a chuckle from the pageant star.

/

The tropical music started up again as the scene flashed to Chris. "And there you have it!" he said with a smile. "Stay tuned to here the answer to the question _everyone_ wants to know: _what_ do the losers think of the final seven? And _who_ will they vote to win?" The camera pulled back, to show the host still standing at the dock leading up to the playa. "These answers, _and_ more, comin' up!"

/

(Fade to Commercial Break and Back)

/

Fading back in from black, the playa was shown at a distance before the shot cut to Chris walking past the buffet table. "Okay," he told the camera, "you've seen how the losers are spending their time. _Now_ it's time to find out _what_ they think of the final seven!"

"Alejandro is, like, a _total_ slimeball," Dakota said immediately, literally pulling the camera to her. "Not only did he _lie_ about wanting to take me to the final two, but he also tried to _flirt_ with me. Uggh, that is s _o_ not cool."

"Thanks for the _input_ , Dakota," the host told her with a twinge of annoyance as he moved back into the shot.

/

"Come out, little freak!" Amy sung darkly as she scoured the bushes, resting the lamppost against her shoulder. "Alejandro?" she said as she noticed the camera. "Even though he turned me down, he _is_ still the hottest guy on the island. Who cares if he's lied to people, it's just a _game_." As she spoke, a few brief clips were played of the charmer rebuffing the mean twin's flirtation, removing his shirt, and waving in a sinister manner at the end of an elimination.

The flashback ended and Ezekiel was shown hiding in the shrubs. "I think Al's pretty untrustworthy, eh," the homeschooler commented. "He gave me some pretty bad advice about how to treat girls, and I think that's why I got voted out so early."

"Gotcha!" Amy cheered viciously, poking her head through the leaves Ezekiel had been lurking behind and smacking him with the lamppost. "Serves you right, you little _dweeb_."

/

"Man, Al acts like he's this incredibly gorgeous and helpful guy," Beardo said, still at the bar with Beth, "but the truth is that all he cares about is getting what he wants outta people. I learned _that_ the hard way. I almost can't decide who I hate more, him or Jo!"

"Oh, but Jo was _definitely_ meaner," Beth said with a knowing nod. "She bossed _everyone_ around, even her own alliance!" A montage of the demanding jock-ette, alternating focus between her original alliance, her rivalry with Alejandro, and bossing around the other former members of the Screaming Gophers. "I wonder why nobody has voted her out yet?" Beth pondered as the footage cut back to her.

/

"So, Topher, Geoff," Chris said as he approached the two boys as they lounged. "Give us your take on Jo!"

"Thanks for asking, Chris," Topher said first, sitting up and taking off sunglasses he'd been wearing. "You see, Jo's has deluded herself into thinking she's better than the rest of us, which _clearly_ isn't true. I mean, come on," he motioned to his own shirtless body, "have you _seen_ me? My looks, style, grace, _and_ charisma are _miles_ above hers!"

"Yeah," Geoff added, "she was _major_ harshness from day one. Never saw her happy unless someone else was being hurt, plus she made the other girls form an alliance to vote me off! Not my girl Bridgette though," he said with a sappy look, "I can _always_ count on _her_."

He sighed, and a flashback began of the various moments between the two blondes over the course of the series. It started with their first meeting on the Dock of Shame, progressing quickly through the two working together for the cooking challenge, and their confrontation with Sasquatchanakwa for the party boy's key and spare hat.

"She was a _menace_ ," Scott said, his nasally voice snapping Geoff out of his reverie and causing the shot to zoom out so he was included, sitting under an umbrella nearby. "Couldn't take two steps without some kind of _accident_!" As he voiced his complaints, another pair of clips were played – the first was from the first episode, when Bridgette nearly knocked several campers off the dock with her surfboard, and then from the talent competition episode when her handstand attempt almost crushed Scott under a stage light.

/

"Bridgette is a _wonderful_ person," Dawn spoke up. "Though she may not be sure-footed on land, she has proven herself a _true_ friend of nature, conquering her fear of being alone in the forest and staying steadfast in her refusal to eat meat." As before, relevant clips of the blonde were played under the losers' comments – in this case, the surfer was first shown walking through the woods on her own, then refusing to eat the dolphin wiener from the eating challenge.

"Truly," Dawn said as the flashback ended, "it is a _shame_ that she has spent so long aligned with the lurking evil that is Scarlett."

"Uhh, don't you think you're bein' a little _harsh_ on her?" Geoff asked, the camera moving over towards him and B, once again by the grill. "I mean, she mighta been kinda _mean_ sometimes, and she totally let me an' B down by voting for us, but I wouldn't call her _evil_." As he spoke, footage of the redhead being irritated with Scott, Bridgette, and Geoff during the camping challenge was shown, followed by additional clips of her scolding Sierra during the cooking challenge and Scarlett agreeing to eliminate both the party lover and the silent genius.

The flashback ended, showing B and Geoff standing together, shaking their heads sadly. "I thought we were cool since she was so tight with Bridge," the party boy said. "I guess she just didn't like us as much as we liked her." B nodded, and they went back towards the pool with more food on their plates.

/

"Scarlett thought she was _sooo_ smart," Sierra commented, now sunbathing near Scott. "But does _she_ know all the lyrics to every song Chris has ever sung? No. Does _she_ know where Chris buys his pants? No! She might know _some_ stuff, but she'll _never_ beat me when it comes to Chris McLean!"

"I bet she's _so_ disappointed that you're a bigger stalker than her," Scott told the tall girl in a snide tone. "But then again, Scarlett's such a _know-it-all_ she probably _doesn't_ like people knowing more than her. She sure loves to throw out those big, fancy _words_ all the time." A montage played, showcasing several instances of the brainiac's verbosity, particularly in the early stages of the game.

"Hard to tell who was _worse_ on the Killer Bass," Scott said with a sly smirk as he thought, "the bookworm who thought she was better than everyone, or the musclehead who thought _he_ was better than everyone."

Yet more footage was recycled, this time a review of Lightning's boasting, bragging, and bicep-kissing ways. "Getting him voted off was one of the best decisions I ever made," Scott snickered.

/

"Lightning was a _great_ boyfriend," Amy said with a peculiar smile, "everything a girl could ask for!" The couple was shown making out in the woods and on the Boat of Losers as they returned after the merge as oddly upbeat and romantic music began to play. It scratched to a sudden stop, however, when the flashback ended and Amy angrily said "Oh wait! No he wasn't! _Good_ boyfriends don't just _sit there_ when their girlfriends get eliminated!"

"What was he supposed to do, eh?" Ezekiel said, nervously sticking his head out of a tree behind where the girl was sitting. "It's not _his_ fault nobody liked you."

"Nobody asked _you_ ," Amy sneered, throwing a glass at the boy and knocking him out of the palm.

The camera cut to where the homeschooler had fallen in a heap. "Yeah, Lightning was pretty big-headed," he admitted as he picked himself up off the ground, "but at least he was fast and strong like he said he was. I wouldn't mind votin' for him, eh, at least if Bridgette don't make it to the finale an' he does."

/

"Shawn?" Dakota asked, still in the hot tub with her boyfriend. "What _about_ him? He slept in a _tree_ , he never _showered_ , and don't get me _started_ on the zombie obsession. I mean, _hell_ _o_ _?_ He nearly hit my adorable face!" As she framed her face for the camera, the relevant scene was played from the phobia challenge. Shawn, walking alone through a desolate part of the woods, found himself face-to-face with a horde of what he had thought were undead. When escape proved fruitless, he began to fight, only stopping when one of them ducked and revealed itself to be Dakota in disguise.

"Aww, don't say that!" Sam told her as the footage cut back to the present. "I mean, the dude may have gone a little _overboard_ with the zombie thing, but he had some _incredible_ moves. I've never seen someone so _stealthy_ outside a video game!" More footage began to play, showing the survivalist hiding as a deer, pilfering a key from a sleeping bear, and finally dropping down from the trees at the end of the hide and seek challenge. "Heck, he even beat _Che_ _f_ _!_ Now that's what I call impressive!" the gamer chuckled.

/

"Shawn might have _skills_ ," Topher conceded as he lounged in the pool, "but he won't make it much further unless he starts working more with the others. I mean sure, he's always helped the _team_ out, but every time someone has come to him for an alliance, he's turned them down! With only seven campers left, the audience is _really_ gonna expect some good drama from the remaining cast. As long as Shawn keeps trying to play the lone wolf, I'm afraid he just isn't gonna cut it!"

/

"Whatever else happens," Amy said, "I just hope that my stupid sister _Samey_ doesn't win. She should have been the first one voted off, she doesn't _deserve_ to be in the final seven, and-"

"We get it!" Sugar shouted from the pool, startling the cheerleader. "You don't like your sister, so just _shut up_ about it already!"

"Yah," Staci added, popping up besides the pageant queen with her snorkel on, "you're such a broken record. Reminds me of my cousin Sally, who once-" Sugar glared and shoved the motormouth back beneath the water.

/

"She was _nice_ ," Beth said at the island bar, "but I'm not sure she's really done anything to _earn_ the win, y'know?"

"You kiddin' me?" DJ said, the camera quick-panning over to him and Dawn. "Sammy's done _loads_ of stuff! She faced her fear of goats on international TV," he listed as the relevant clips began to play, "and she kept a cool head when I was throwin' apples at her blindfolded! Heck, she even managed to catch a family of _beavers_ and bring 'em back to camp!"

"Although I disapprove of trapping innocent animals," Dawn added, "I _do_ appreciate her efforts to keep the beavers from being harmed. She's also _very_ good with Bunny."

"Totally," the gentle giant added, "I really hope she wins."

"Oh, me too!" Dawn added with a happy nod.

/

The scene flashed to a screen full of light blue accompanied by a light and soothing beatboxed tune. The camera panned up and out to show the majority of the campers gathered at the pool's edge, listening to Beardo. It was night, and the lights were on in the main resort building behind them; there was a gap between then campers positioned in front of the door.

On the right half of the screen sat Beardo himself, along with a happy Beth, scowling Scott and bored Amy, Ezekiel still in his bling and watching with greater interest than those to his right, and Sierra who was bobbing her head in time with his beat.

The first to the left of the gap was DJ, sitting closely next to Dawn. Geoff was next to the mystic, and behind those three stood Sam with his arm around Dakota's waist. To the party boy's right (and the audience's left) sat Topher, and at the very end Staci. All of them seemed to be enjoying the show.

B strolled casually into the gap between Beardo and DJ, carefully removed his trenchcoat, and sat down. "Nice grill work today," the beatboxer said, pausing his work and exchanging a fist bump with the silent genius.

"So," the gentle giant spoke up as a light and slightly suspenseful tune began in the background, "who do you guys want to win if you could vote right now?"

"Me, o' course!" Sugar exclaimed, floating into view on an inflatable purple chair. "Who'd vote for anyone other than themselves to win? That's just _stu_ _pid_ _!_ "

"Probably because you can only vote for someone who's actually _in the game_ ," Scott told her. "Otherwise, I'd vote for myself too."

"Oh, _that's_ what you meant!" Sugar said with a playful wave of her hand. "Why didn't you just say so? In that case...," she appeared thoughtful for a moment before shrugging, "I dunno! I don't really _like_ any of 'em, so unless they promise to give me somethin' in return, who knows? _Anything_ could happen!"

"Well I think _Alejandro_ should win," Topher suggested. "He's proven that he has the physical, mental, _and_ social skills needed to dominate this type of game. Of _course_ he's gonna win!"

A snort from the other side of the pool took the camera's focus over to Sierra. "Oh _please,_ " she huffed, "you're only saying that because you've been _crushing_ on him since the moment you saw him. It's so _obvious_."

"I... don't know what you're talking about!" the pretty boy said nervously, looking around at all the curious looks he was getting. "Sure, I think he's _good-looking_ , but that doesn't mean I'm _attracted_ to him! I just respect how he plays the game! And what about you, huh?" he quickly deflected. "Who do _you_ want to win?"

Sierra took a moment to think before answering "Bridgette."

"Good choice," Geoff told her, tipping his hat and shooting the tall girl a finger pistol. "Bridge sure is _amazing_ , isn't she?" The camera panned over to show B nodding in approval.

"Bridgette or Sammy, _definitely_ ," Dakota said. "Both of them were, like, _super_ nice to me when I returned."

"You'd vote for my _siste_ _r_ _?!_ " Amy spat in disgust. "I mean, I expected it from _those two_ ," she motioned to Dawn and DJ, who glared back, "but I hoped that _you_ had better taste. But then again, you _are_ dating a gamer nerd."

" _He_ _y_ _!_ " the heiress shot back, pulling her boyfriend closer.

"I mean," Amy continued, "if you had any taste, then you'd _dump_ his loser butt. And vote for someone like Alejandro, _he_ deserves to win."

"Why would I vote for Alejandro?" Dakota asked, now confused. "He's a lying _jerk_ , and he let me be eliminated!"

"Whatever," the mean twin said with a roll of her eyes, "that just proves _he_ knows how to play the game, and you _don't._ "

"Well I think _Shawn_ should win!" Beth announced, smiling and looking at her friend.

"The guy _does_ have some sick skills," the hairy boy said. A montage was played, showcasing some of the survivalist's more triumphant moments – several clips involved him leaping out of trees, but there were also shots of him going through Chef's boot camp obstacle course, decorating his team's dessert for the cooking challenge, and a few instances of his camouflage.

"Yeah, definitely Shawn," Sam added. "I mean, the guy stayed awake longer than anyone else! If anyone deserves to win the money, it's him." As the gamer spoke, the relevant footage was played, edited together from the several hours the challenge lasted.

"I don't think you guys are givin' Lightning enough credit, eh," Ezekiel piped up. "I mean yeah, he's got a big ego, but don't anyone else remember how quickly he got his crate back the first day? He really helped us win, eh." As with previous remarks, the relevant footage played showing the athletic overachiever easily carrying first his crate, and then Ezekiel's to the campgrounds.

"I _guess_ that's impressive," Sam said uncertainly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"He may be physically dominant," Dawn said with a knowing nod, "but despite how much he desires winning, reaching the finale of Total Drama Island will _not_ bring him the happiness he craves. Rather, Sammy should win, so that she might finally stand out of her sister's shadow."

"I hear that," DJ said as across the pool Amy folded her arms and looked away in annoyance.

"Well I think _Jo_ should win," Staci began to say. Despite earning several odd looks, she was unable to further explain due to Chris appearing in a sudden flash and puff of pinkish smoke.

"Haha! Okay, _losers_ ," he told them, "it is time for _the_ most unexpected twist of all time." As he spoke, the tense music normally reserved for elimination ceremonies began to play. "Tonight, _you_ will be voting the next camper off Total Drama Island!"

"Whoa, dude!" Geoff exclaimed in wonder. "I don't know if that's totally _awesome_ , or totally _harsh_."

"I'd like to think it's a little of both, my man," Chris told him. "Here's how it's gonna work! There are _no_ marshmallows. I am gonna ask you, one by one, _who_ you would like to join you here tonight, at Playa Des Losers. Sugar, you're up first. _Who_ would you like to vote for?" The camera cut to the lounging pageant star, who immediately brought a finger to her chin and scrunched up her face in thought.

"Hmmm... I guess I'll go with Alejandro," she said, "I kinda wanna see the look on his face when he _loses_." A bell dinged.

"Uggh," Amy growled, "why would you vote for _him_ when you could vote for _Samey_?" The bell dinged.

"Y'know," DJ told her, "even after everything you've done to her, it _still_ gets me that you can't even call her by her real name! It's _Sammy_!" The bell dinged yet again, eliciting a gasp from most of the campers.

"That's one vote for Alejandro," Chris announced with a smile, "and two votes for _Samey_."

"Oh no!" Dawn exclaimed. "But you _know_ DJ didn't mean to vote for _Sammy_!" Another ding caused the mystic to groan alongside the gentle giant.

"Don't care!" the host told her, still grinning. "On to the next voter!" He turned his head to the other side of the pool. "Scott, your turn!"

The farmboy eyed Dawn and DJ with a devious look. "I think I'll vote for _Samey_ ," he said slowly, savoring the pained reactions from the girl's friends.

"Dakota," Chris said after the bell had dinged, "you're up!"

"Oh don't worry," she said as the mystic and gentle giant looked at her, "I'm not gonna vote for S-" she was interrupted by an elbow to her hip courtesy of her boyfriend, who also gave her a serious look while slowly shaking his head. "Oh!" the heiress said in realization, "I mean, I'm voting for Alejandro." The bell dinged.

Amy pounded the side of the pool and grunted in frustration. "Come _on_ people, vote for _Samey_ already!" The bell dinged, and both her eyes and then her smile became wide. "Wait a minute," she said in hushed glee, "do you mean I can vote for _Samey_ more than once?" The bell dinged in confirmation, and she laughed. "Samey Samey Samey Samey...," she began to repeat faster than the bell could keep up with.

Chris looked at her and shrugged, but before he could open his mouth Dawn and DJ countered with a chorus of "Alejandro." Soon others joined in as the campers divided themselves between those who wanted the charming and manipulative young man to lose; those who wanted the meek younger twin to lose; B, who was too flustered to speak up; and Sugar, who gleefully alternated between the two names.

The din of shouting and dinging grew and grew, much to the host's irritation. " _SHUT U_ _P_ _!_ " Chris shouted when the noise became too much for the fingers in his ears and his clenched-shut eyes. The sound finally tapered off, and after a flash forward the vexed host began to mumble off numbers while reading a clipboard. "Okay," he announced, "looks like after all that, Alejandro and Samey are _tied_ at forty-one votes each. Next vote decides it!"

Although tense music began to build up as Dawn and DJ glared at Amy and Scott, it quickly stopped with a record scratch as the camera over up to a blue parrot sitting on the back of one of the pool chairs.

"Rawk! Polly want a Samey!" it squawked, and the bell dinged a final time.

"And that makes forty-two!" Chris announced happily, causing more unhappy groans from Dawn and DJ.

/

The typical reverently ominous music started up as Sammy, with Bunny in her hands and a look of shock and horror on her face, was shown being pushed along the Dock of Shame to the Boat of Losers by Chef. She was shoved into the boat and the scene flashed forward to show her, her bags, and Bunny now on the dock of Playa Des Losers, still shocked and horrified.

"And with _that_ ," Chris told the camera as he walked up to her, "we are down to _six_. Tune in next week to see the _next_ dramatic episode of Total! Drama! _Isl_ _and_ _!_ " As he spoke, Sammy's wide eyes moved from him to the camera and back again.

"Rawk! Samey!" the parrot squawked off-screen.

Sammy whimpered.

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, as much as this was a pain in the ass for me to write (according to my notes), it was pretty darn fun to reread. Lots of great moments. Sammy's elimination is just as bullshit as Leshawna's was in canon, but with the benefit of knowing it's coming – as well as the changes past-me made to liven up the actual vote – I hope it was at least entertaining bullshit.
> 
> As always, let me know what you thought, and I'll see you all next time!
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (RETURNED)
> 
> Ezekiel - (21st Place)
> 
> Sugar - (20th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (RETURNED)
> 
> Amy - (RETURNED)
> 
> Scott - (19th Place)
> 
> Beth - (18th Place)
> 
> Sierra - (17th Place)
> 
> Topher - (16th Place)
> 
> Sam - (15th Place)
> 
> Beardo - (14th Place)
> 
> Dawn - (13th Place)
> 
> Amy - (12th Place)
> 
> Geoff - (11th Place)
> 
> Dakota - (10th Place)
> 
> DJ - (9th Place)
> 
> B - (8th Place)
> 
> Sammy - (7th Place)


	22. Trial by Tri-Armed Triathlon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want a reminder, the remaining contestants are as follows:
> 
> Girls \- Bridgette, Jo, Scarlett
> 
> Boys \- Alejandro, Lightning, Shawn
> 
> \- Fangren

"Last time, on Total Drama Island!" A shot of the resort mansion opened the recap as several campers were shown lounging around as Chris gave his narration – Sugar and Amy sunbathing; Topher diving into the pool; Beth, Beardo and Sierra at the island bar; and Scott and B at the grill. "In a special episode, we visited the kicked-off campers at their _resort_ of rejects, Playa Des Losers!"

The host's arrival to the Playa during the episode served as a transition to the next set of clips. "We learned that Sam and Dakota are still going strong," the odd couple was shown making out in the hot tub, "Staci is still _annoying_ ," a pair of short clips showing the ribbon-wearer speaking in the pool with her snorkel mask on, only to get shoved away by Beardo and Sugar respectively, "and _Amy_ still hates her sister for no explainable reason." A short montage of the mean twin throughout the day highlighted her frustration and ire towards DJ, Dawn, and Ezekiel.

"In a sh- _hock_ -ing twist," the footage skipped forward to the campers assembled poolside in the evening as Chris addressed them, "we let the losers vote out one of the final seven campers," the flurry of votes was shown again, beginning with Amy's bright smile and ending with the parrot's squawk, " _and_ , in an even _more_ shocking twist, it was _Samey_ who found herself in _Loser_ ville, population: sixteen!" Chef was shown pushing the nice twin down the Dock of Shame, and the scene flashed back to the losers at the pool as Chris noted the population.

"Who will be voted off this week, in the _most_ dramatic Campfire Ceremony yet?" the host asked, the recap finished and him in his rightful place on the Dock of Shame. "Find out tonight, on Total! Drama! _Islan_ _d_ _!_ "

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

The episode proper opened with a shot of the sun rising over the tallest hill on the island. The music began peacefully, but soon shifted into the more somber tune typically associated with an elimination as the scene cut to a particular tree, where Shawn was sleeping with his eyes open. As he rested snoring against the trunk of his latest spruce bed, the scene rippled into a much darker place.

The music stopped and the wind howled, the camera panning down over a stand of dead trees to show Shawn creeping nervously through the area. A new tune caught his attention, slow and eerie with a certain quality to it that suggested a music box, or perhaps a circus.

The viewpoint shifted, and a circus was what Shawn suddenly found himself in. Deserted, decrepit, obviously abandoned, and yet the scruffy survivor slowly plodded forward. Though he did not turn his gaze towards them, there were several posters plastered on the walls of tents, booths, and attractions; all of them showed the same familiar, grinning, wavy-haired and stubbly face. The viewpoint shifted again, showing his back as he walked up to a pair of metal cages, each containing another familiar figure. On the left, a certain young woman appeared with a long and magnificently-groomed beard; she seemed proud of it at first, until it turned and began to attack her. Shawn cringed and looked to the cage on the right; its occupant was wearing a red leotard bearing the symbol of his name. The young man was rapidly lifting an almost comically large dumbbell, which seemed to grow with each repetition. Its lifter was drenched with sweat, struggling to keep up.

Shawn turned, and found himself in another room altogether, with only the continued music hinting to his location. A bright spotlight was suddenly turned on him, and he threw up his hands to shield himself from the brightness. He blinked, and noticed a clown standing next to him, dressed in whites and blues – save the traditional red nose and her long blonde ponytail, of course. The clown pranced and pratfalled jovially around the tent Shawn realized they were in, looking at the empty seats for something that just wasn't there.

Another clown appeared on Shawn's other side, with a devilishly handsome smile. He began to throw things at his counterpart, starting with pies but progressing rapidly into rotten fruit and even small stones. As the female clown recoiled in pain, an invisible audience applauded, and the male clown tore off his costume and paint to reveal a ringmaster's outfit beneath.

The devilishly charming ringmaster turned his gaze towards Shawn, and the viewpoint shifted once again as the survivalist found himself trapped behind bars in the middle of the tent. He looked down at his hands and a silent gasp issued as he saw them covered in fur. Now seemingly half-man, half-monkey, Shawn began to jump and pound at the bars of his cage.

The ringmaster stepped aside, and a figure stepped out of the shadows. She held her hands behind her and observed him with dispassionate interest, at once both the most utterly normal and yet utterly terrifying of all the familiar faces Shawn had seen.

The eerie music finally reached its peak as she brought one hand up to adjust her glasses, and smirked. She opened her mouth as if to speak...

The sound of a helicopter idling nearby sent away the circus with a puff of smoke, as Shawn was startled awake. "Monkey!" he cried in an incoherent panic, thrashing and scrambling and falling out of his tree; he was only saved by the rope tied around his ankle.

A more appropriately awe-struck theme began as the shot cut away from Shawn's dangling form to the cabins, where the three girls had wearily come out to their porch, still in their nightwear.

" _Agai_ _n_ _?!_ " Jo shouted. "What _is_ it with you and that stupid thing?!"

The door to the boys' cabin slammed open to reveal a bleary-eyed Lightning dressed only in his boxer shorts. "I'm ready, Coach!" he exclaimed with a hint of drowsiness. "Just tell me what I gotta do!"

Jo groaned and rolled her eyes an the overachiever's antics, then looked up to the source of the morning disturbance.

"Welcome back to Total Drama Island!" Chris told the camera from the cockpit of his helicopter. "Over the past seven weeks, we've watched sixteen campers push themselves _to_ the _lim_ _it_ _!_ And then get their _butts_ kicked off the island by their fellow campers. Sucks to be you!"

He began to list them off one-by-one, each name accompanied by a short clip. "Staci," she rattled on oblivious to the looks she was getting, "Dakota," she posed for the paparazzi, "Ezekiel," he was struck by four dodgeballs at the same time, "Sugar," her high note broke the camera lens, "Lightning," he kissed his bicep, "Amy," she fell over a fence while covered in mud, "Scott," he nearly got crushed by a falling stage light, "Beth," she picked up the Boney Island statue and smiled, "Sierra," she tackle-hugged the host on the Dock of Shame, "Topher," he posed for the camera, "Sam," he protested as his handheld game console was taken away, "Beardo," he ran in exaggerated slow-motion, "Dawn," she meditated while dressed like a deer, "Amy _again_ ," she fell in the lake after her failed kiss, "Geoff," he ran while getting pelted by a hail cloud, " _Dakota_ again," an explosion launched the bike she was riding into the air, "DJ," he flew screaming through the air with Topher and their toboggan, "B," he shot a pair of finger pistols at someone off-screen, "and _Samey_ ," she was shoved off the thousand-foot-high cliff by her sister.

"Including Lightning, only _six_ campers remain," Chris continued as the montage ended and the camera cut back to him walking away from his landed helicopter. "And after seven weeks of bugs, crappy camp food, and even _grosser_ bathrooms," he said as the annoyed-looking campers came into view, "our six finalists are about _this_ close to losin' it," he narrowed his eyes and grinned, holding his thumb and pointer finger closely enough to illustrate the distance and his point. "We strove to come up with the _best_ way to help the campers de-stress," he smiled, then put his hands behind his back, "then decided it would be _way_ more fun to handcuff them together," he held up a pair of handcuffs, "and see if we couldn't _push_ 'em over the edge."

"Great," Bridgette said dryly, " _another_ thing to turn us against each other."

"Yup!" Chris told her with a smile. "It's all part of today's challenge, the Tri-Armed Triathlon!"

"Wait," Lightning interrupted, "don't that mean we need _three_ arms to do it?"

"Yes!" the host answered happily. "Three challenges, three teams of two, three arms per _tea_ _m_ _!_ "

Jo snorted and crossed her arms. "I don't wanna get cuffed to one of _these_ people," she complained with a motion to the other campers, "they'll only slow me down!"

"Winning team members _both_ get invincibility from tonight's vote," Chris countered. "No _team_ , no chance of _winning_."

xxx

"It has been a... _stressful_ seven weeks," Scarlett confessed. "All things considered I've handled it well, although I can't let myself become overconfident with Alejandro still around. He possesses _remarkable_ social insight, and is skilled at manipulating others," she paused to look down, and sighed softly. "Myself included, if I'm being honest. However, I do not believe he'll attempt to have me eliminated while Bridgette remains in the game, meaning I can pretend to work with him while forming alliances with the others."

xxx

"As happy as I am to have made it this far," Bridgette said with her head in her hands and eyes hidden from view, "I'm just so _incredibly_ disappointed in how things turned out! I signed up for Total Drama because I thought it would be a fun way to meet new people and _maybe_ get some money out of it, but _th_ _is_ _!_ " She looked straight at the camera, expression filled with a pleading sort of bewilderment. "It's like all anyone _cares_ about right now is getting further in the game!"

She let out a breath and stood up straight. "I mean, Shawn's actually pretty nice, but Lightning's _completely_ self-absorbed, Jo _seriously_ needs to chill out, Alejandro keeps trying to _sweet-talk_ everyone, and then there's _Scarle_ _tt_ _!_ " She grabbed her hair and stifled a scream, then sighed and slouched down. "I thought we were friends, but I _know_ she voted for B last time, and ever since then I've realized just how little I really _know_ about her!" She sighed again, and shook her head sadly. "I really thought I'd be able to count on more than _one_ out of five people if I made it this far..."

xxx

It was Jo's turn in the outhouse, and she began with her arms crossed and her mouth set in a scowl. "I never realized making it to the final six would be so _annoying_ ," she began. "And I still have five _more_ annoyances left to eliminate before I can finally claim what should have been mine from the beginning. And I think it's about time to _drop_ Alejandro, he's been acting like he runs the game for _far_ too long. It should be _easy_ to get Zombie Breath, Sharkbait, and Miss Know-it-all to vote _him_ out, but I should probably get an alliance with Bolt Boy too, just in case."

xxx

Lightning opened his confessional with an excited shout, causing the cameraman to scold him with a reply of "Keep it down!"

"Man," the athlete shot back, "why _should_ I keep it down? Nothin' wrong with a little early celebration! And with only _five_ losers left, I can already taste that sweet, sweet victory! Ain't _nothin_ ' stoppin' me now, sha- _Lightni_ _ng_ _!_ " He struck an exuberant pose, and the cameraman shushed him again.

xxx

"You ever wish you could remember your dreams better?" Shawn asked the camera, scratching his chin with an oddly contemplative look on his face. "Because I'm pretty sure I had a _weird_ one last night. No zombies at all! At least, I _thin_ _k_ _?_ Anyway, there was something _about_ it that made me really want to think about something else," he turned sheepish and scratched the back of his neck. "Too bad I can't remember what it _was_ , though."

xxx

/

The scene cut to the mess hall, and the camera panned across the three pairs lined up at a single table: Jo and Lightning on the right, Alejandro and Bridgette in the middle, and Scarlett and Shawn on the left.

"First of our three challenges," Chris began off-screen before the camera briefly zoomed out to include him in the shot, "Competitive Chow-down!"

"Hah!" Jo exclaimed, pumping a fist and thrusting a finger towards the other teams. "I have this in the _ba_ _g_ _!_ "

"Each team will choose a _feeder_ ," the host explained with a grin, "and an _eater_. Eaters must put their hands behind them making it even _more_ difficult for the feeders!" As Chris explained the challenge, the camera passed over each of the teams. Alejandro and Bridgette were looking the most nervous, Jo and Lightning had begun to eye each other up as the roles were announced, while Scarlett listened confidently and Shawn glanced at her anxiously.

"One last thing," Chris added as he pulled a large gold-colored, skull-bowed key from his pocket and held it up high. " _This_ is the Wimp Key. A skeleton key that will open _any_ handcuffs." While he explained, the footage cut briefly to an image of handcuffs against an orange-and-yellow background getting tapped by the gleaming key and opening. "You'll be offered the Wimp Key at each challenge to unshackle yourselves from your teammate." Shawn raised an eyebrow and looked down at the link between him and Scarlett, but looked away when Chris continued. " _But_ , if you choose to accept it, you'll both be eliminated."

"And how exactly do we _wi_ _n_ _?_ " Alejandro asked.

The camera panned left as Chris walked closer to the table and answered "Chef's getting platters for each team. Title goes to the team who finishes their platter of delicacies fastest."

"Well obviously _I'm_ doing the eating for _us_ ," Jo announced immediately. "I _did_ win the last eating contest after all."

"Only 'cause Lightning wasn't there!" her teammate objected. "I'll show you how a _real_ champion eats!"

"Oh yeah?" Jo asked, pursing her lips. "I'll _arm wrestle_ you for it."

"You're on, dude!" the overachiever answered, earning a slight scowl from the jock-ette.

/

" _You_ should probably eat." Alejandro admitted as the camera panned to him and Bridgette. "I only made it through the last eating challenge we had because the other guys _forced_ me..." He shuddered at the memory, and nearly vomited then and there.

" _Fine_ ," Bridgette rolled her eyes, "but I'm not eating any meat."

/

"As you've already proven your ability to stomach the types of 'food' they are likely to serve us," Scarlett stated plainly, "it's only natural that _you_ take the role of 'eater'. With myself as 'feeder', we should be able to maintain a consistent rhythm and outpace the others."

Shawn looked at her oddly. "Uh, yeah, sure."

/

The footage flashed ahead to show Jo and Lightning evenly locked in their match, faces set and serious as Bridgette, still sitting next to them, raised an eyebrow at the jocks. Chef dropped a platter of food in front of them, and identical ones further down the table for the other two teams. Each had four separate dishes on them: something shaped like a cake and dripping in sauce, a bowl of something yellowish-orange, a third dish mostly obscured save the fruit topping it, and a whole chicken which just happened to have an unusual color.

Alejandro looked at the main dish in disgust. "Since when is chicken _gre_ _en_ _?!_ "

"Maybe it's something else that's only _shaped_ like a chicken?" Bridgette suggested, also looking anxious. "Or even just green food coloring!"

The battle of the jocks ended when, as shown by a brief cut under the table, Jo kicked Lightning in the shin. The overachiever's concentration was broken long enough for Jo to break the stalemate and slam his arm down, then raising her fist in victory. "Hah! Take _tha_ _t_ _!_ "

The camera panned down to the other end of the table, where Shawn was looking over his meal. "Hey, this doesn't look half bad," he said. Scarlett, also examining the food, said nothing.

A quick cut took the focus back to the jocks, as Jo smugly put her hands behind her back. As her left wrist was handcuffed to Lightning's right, his arm was yanked away from him and he was forced to bend over a slight amount.

The other two teams followed suit, with Scarlett looking unperturbed by it and Alejandro shooting his partner a grin.

"Don't get any _ideas_ ," Bridgette told him with a blush.

/

A drumroll opened the background music for the challenge, as Lightning was shown quickly shoveling food into Jo's mouth. The jock-ette was chewing as fast as she could, and barely swallowed before getting another spoonful from her teammate.

"Three, two, one, _open_ ," Scarlett recited, the timing of her mark coinciding with Shawn's swallow.

"Chew faster!" Alejandro pleaded, a spoon of food at the ready.

"I'm going as fast as I can!" Bridgette spat through a full mouth.

Lightning continued to jam more food into Jo's mouth with enough force to splatter both of them. The jock-ette's cheeks were bulging, and her eyes were wavering between competitive focus and alarm.

"Chicken next!" Alejandro said in warning, as he gave Bridgette another spoonful of something else.

"I hope it's as good as the _cheesecake_...," the surfer groaned as she was presented with a drumstick, cringed, and took a small nibble.

Jo's eyes had now gone completely wide, and as Lightning made to shove more into her mouth she tried to swallow but gagged. The overachiever pursed his lips as she began to cough, spraying flecks of food and spittle.

The footage skipped ahead, and Alejandro and Bridgette were shown to have finished off most of the other dishes save the chicken, which the surfer was still eating a small nibble at a time.

A pan to the left showed Scarlett and Shawn, in a nearly identical state of completion save for one major difference. "Three, two, one, open!" the brainiac commanded, and Shawn eagerly ripped off the last piece of meat from the drumstick she held. Scarlett smiled, and dropped the bone onto the bare carcass laying on the platter.

The challenge music came to an end, and Chris was shown smiling in his usual close-up. "And the winners are," he announced, " _Scarlett_ and _Shaw_ _n_ _!_ "

"As expected," Scarlett said smugly to the host. "Under my guidance and planning, it was a foregone conclusion that his gastronomic aptitudes would be used efficiently."

"Uhh, thanks?" Shawn told her with an uncertain look.

xxx

"I never really noticed it before," the survivalist confessed, "but something about Scarlett just seems a bit _off_. But I dunno," he put a hand on the back of his head, "I hardly know her, so maybe it's just me."

xxx

"Losing the eating contest was a setback," Alejandro admitted, "but honestly, I'm not that worried. I'm confident that Bridgette and I will win the other two contests, and that one of the others will be going home tonight."

He paused a moment, then donned a suspiciously pleasant smile. "But more importantly, I would like to _apologize_ if I hurt any of those who were unlucky enough to have been voted out as part of my plans. I know that my strategy has not been the most... _honest_ at times, but I have always acted in the best way I saw to win. I bear no personal grudge against any of you, and I hope that you do the same for me." He closed with a more charming grin.

xxx

/

"What the _heck_ , Brightning, I could've _die_ _d_ _!_ " Jo yelled, still in the mess hall with her partner. She threw her hands up in exasperation, forcing her partner's linked hand up as well. "And on top of _that_ , we didn't even win the challenge!"

"Yeah, well, if _you_ just ate faster, we woulda won!" Lightning shot back, crossing his arms with enough force to nearly pull Jo off her feet. He turned his head away from her, and she gave his back an angry scowl.

xxx

The confessional camera had zoomed in oddly closely to Jo as she began to rant. "How the heck am I supposed to _work_ with the guy if he doesn't realize that _I'm_ the leader? We're not gonna win unless he steps in line _behind_ me!"

" _Excus_ e me?" Lightning shot back, the camera zooming out to show him in the outhouse with Jo. "I am _not_ the reason why we lost, and I am _not_ gonna be second to you! Lightning's _always_ Team Captain, and this time ain't any different!"

"Oh _yeah_?!" Jo replied.

"Yeah, dude!" Lightning told her. "I'm _way_ better at leadin' than you, and I'll prove it in the next part of the challenge!"

" _Fin_ _e_ _!_ " Jo spat, and the two stared angrily at each other as static ended their confessional.

xxx

/

The shot cut to the skeleton key being dangled by a just-out-of-shot Chris. "Last chance for the tempting Wimp Key before part two!" he said, the camera zooming out to show first him, and then the campers all assembled on the Dock of Shame.

Lightning and Jo immediately looked at each other. "You better not go for that, dude!" Lightning said first.

"Like I'd _ev_ _er_ _!_ " Jo shot back.

"I don't know if we're gonna be able to work together that well," Bridgette offered, "so maybe we should just quit."

"And risk the vote?" Alejandro ask quizzically. "No no no, I think we should at _least_ give this another chance." Bridgette sighed and rolled her eyes.

xxx

"It was worth a shot," the surfer confessed. "I don't really like working with him, especially if it means we'll be sharing invincibility, but I don't _really_ wanna just quit the challenge after I've come so far."

xxx

"So, what exactly _is_ our next challenge?" Scarlett asked confidently.

"On the beach you will find _three_ canoes, one for each team," Chris explained, pointing a thumb over his shoulder before a quick-pan to the beach showed the vessels in question. "Your challenge is to paddle your canoe, while wearing _handcuffs_ ," he dangled the Wimp Key again and chuckled, "all the way to Boney Island!" The secondary island's main skull-shaped mountain was shown, before the scene cut back to the docks. "Once there, you will open a package that is waiting for you. _G_ _o_ _!_ "

As soon as he gave the command, all three teams raced past and knocked the handsome host over.

/

The jock duo were the first to reach the canoes. "I call the front!" Jo said swiftly, but Lightning yanked her back.

"Man, _I'm_ the one callin' the shots this time," he reminded her. "And I say _I_ get the front, so step aside!"

"Well then, you better make sure we stay on course!" Jo grunted.

/

Scarlett and Shawn were shown pushing their canoe into the lake together, with the redhead boarding it first while the survivalist gave it one final shove and jumped in after.

The camera panned back to the beach as Alejandro guided the canoe that Bridgette was already sitting in. "We should have a _much_ better chance at winning this," he told her. "I mean, we all know how good _you_ are at water sports, and I won't deny that I have experience as well. Not as much as _you_ , of course, but we can't _all_ be so talented."

Bridgette rolled her eyes and gave him an unimpressed look. "If you're trying to flatter me, don't bother."

"And why is that?" Alejandro asked as he stepped into the canoe, giving her a handsome smile. "I _know_ you find me attractive, and I must admit that-"

"Just _stop_ ," Bridgette interrupted, turning away from him and beginning to paddle. "I mean yeah, you're hot, but you're also _completely_ untrustworthy! Besides, I like _Geoff_."

The charmer uttered a short laugh. "So? He has _nothing_ on me, he isn't even _her_ _e_ _!_ "

"Maybe not," Bridgette argued, "but at least I could always _count_ on him. You just wanna _use_ me to get ahead, and then you'll probably vote me out the next chance you get!"

"You can't be _mad_ at me for playing the _ga_ _me_ _!_ " Alejandro argued back. "Of _course_ I'd try to stack the deck in my favor, that's how you _wi_ _n_ _!_ "

"Oh, so that justifies all the _lies_ you've told everyone?" Bridgette said incredulously.

"Yes! If you want to get ahead, then you _need_ to think strategically!" Alejandro countered.

"Well maybe I don't _want_ to think that way," the surfer said. "Maybe I _like_ being honest with people."

"Then I'm afraid it will be your loss," the charmer told her.

/

Scarlett and Shawn paddled in silence for a few moments, the survivalist looking more and more awkward as time passed. "So, uh, what do you think about the others?" He craned his head over his shoulder as he asked the question, quickly turning back when he briefly met Scarlett's gaze.

"That's... vaguely worded, but I suppose I can answer." she answered, looking thoughtful. "In a general, and _ultimate_ , sense they all represent a different manner of obstacle in my path to victory. Jo and Lightning are physically gifted but also obnoxious and irritating, which makes them good candidates to compete against in the final vote as they aren't likely to garner popular support. In that regard both Alejandro and Bridgette are threats, with the former possessing greater intelligence and cunning but the latter almost certainly enjoying the greatest support among the jury of the six of us. In truth, I haven't decided which one to vote for in the event that their team fails to win invincibility today, and I'm open to suggestions.” She gave Shawn an expectant look. “Does that answer your question?”

"Uh, _kinda_ ," the scruffy boy said, looking back at her again, "but I was thinking more along the lines of what you thought of them as _people_."

Scarlett blinked and raised an eyebrow at her partner. "I dislike Alejandro, Jo, and Lightning, while I find Bridgette's presence to be tolerable," she said after a moment's pause. At the boy's inquisitive look she continued, saying "I've found that she concerns herself too much with the physical and mental well-being of others for my taste. She isn't bad to spend a prolonged period of time with, but I still prefer solitude. Aren't you similar?"

"Kind of?" Shawn answered. "I mean, I like going alone most of the time too, but that's more for _zombie survival_ purposes. I still wanna spend _time_ with people, just in a safe environment. In fact, I think I'm gonna try to stay in touch with some of the others after the finale."

Scarlett raised a single eyebrow in confusion.

/

"...And _that's_ how Lightning won his third championship!" the overachiever boasted, not even looking as he and Jo passed the rocky outcroppings close to Boney Island. "Like I said, _way_ better than your story!"

" _One_ ," Jo countered, "no it wasn't, and _two_ , I don't even care!" She noticed something in the distance, quickly leaning forward to point it out. "And _three_ , I can see the packages, we're almost there!" Lightning's eyes popped open and the two jocks began to paddle more quickly.

/

The footage skipped forward to show the two standing on the rocky beach, holding a green backpack. The music quickly built up to a peak when Jo pulled part of a very familiar statue from the bag, and nearly dropped it in her shock. A low rattling sound accompanied a close-up of the statue part, before being replaced by the tell-tale sound and dust cloud of a helicopter hovering above.

"Welcome to the second part of the second challenge!" Chris announced via his megaphone. "Back in episode eight, Scott _stole_ the Boney Island tiki doll," he explained over the scene of the schemer's discovery.

"But didn't Beth return it?" Alejandro called out as he and Bridgette came to shore.

"She lied," the host told them. "She broke it up and flushed it down the septic tank!"

A strained " _Ew_ _w_ _!_ " was the immediate reaction from the four campers, and Lightning in particular held the statue piece as far away from himself as he could.

"I _kno_ _w_ _!_ The pieces in those bags need to be returned to the Cave," Chris explained, the scene briefly cutting away to the entrance of a cave at the base of a rocky outcropping, "of Treacherous Terror! And you'll wanna do it double quick," the shot cut back to Chris, "'cause the longer you have the doll, the _worse_ your luck."

"Oh yeah!" he added as Scarlett and Shawn came onto the beach. " _One_ of you has to piggyback the other!" The campers gasped, and he flew off. " _Enj_ _oy_ _!_ "

The pairs looked at each other. "I think we can agree that _I_ will be doing the carrying," Alejandro said first. Bridgette sighed, but reluctantly hopped on his back.

The camera zoomed out to show the other teams. "Once again," Lightning said smugly as he stooped down, " _Lightning_ is carryin' his team!"

"Ugh, fine," Jo grunted. "You'd better not drop me!"

They left the shot, and Shawn scratched the back of his neck. "Uh, I guess I might as well give it a shot?"

"I agree," Scarlett told him, quickly getting onto his back. "Our similar size puts us at a disadvantage, so we should rely on the physically stronger one – which is _you_ – to do the carrying."

/

The footage skipped ahead to show the survivalist trudging along through the thick jungle of Boney Island with the brainiac reading a map of the island on his back.

"I think...," he panted, "I think I need to take a break."

Scarlett sighed, and folded up her map. "Very well," she said as she allowed herself to slide down to the ground. "I had hoped we would make it more than halfway there, but apparently you weren't up to the task."

"Hey!" Shawn exclaimed. "Why don't _you_ try carrying another person on your back through treacherous terrain and see how long _you_ last!"

"Unfortunately," Scarlett told him dryly, "it seems I'll have to." She got into position, and motioned for him to climb onto her back. "If we're lucky, the others will be delayed by the island's predator populations."

"Uh, isn't that going a bit too _fa_ _r_ _?_ " Shawn asked her. "Don't get me wrong, I hope we get there before them too, but I don't want them to get _eaten_ or anything."

"Well, they needn't be _killed_ ," Scarlett amended, "but you _must_ admit that either of the others encountering a large predator would be to our advantage."

"That doesn't mean I want it to _happ_ _en_ _!_ " the scruffy boy said in growing alarm. "I mean sure, I don't really _like_ most of them, but I don't wanna see 'em get _h_ _urt_ _!_ "

"Neither do I," the redheaded young woman replied, "but I wouldn't allow it to distract me from my goals. I assumed you would feel similarly given your fixation on surviving a hypothetical outbreak of undead."

"That's different," Shawn told her sheepishly. "Even though I'd never let _myself_ get eaten by zombies, I'd still prefer it if those around me _also_ didn't get eaten. So long as there aren't any _brain-munchers_ nearby I'm fine with helping people out."

"Hmm," Scarlett murmured, "while that _may_ be a pragmatic approach in those circumstances, you really _should_ have re-evaluated your strategy to fit our current situation. You ought to be detaching yourself from the others when they become too big of a threat to winning, rather than waiting until you risk death."

"Yeah, like _that's_ as easy as it sounds," Shawn scoffed, not noticing his partner's puzzled expression. "Sure, I _tried_ to keep myself from getting close to the others, but after getting to know Bridgette a bit more, I honestly wouldn't mind all that much if she won! I mean, losing isn't _that_ big of a deal, right?"

"Apparently not to _you_ ," Scarlett snipped. "The prize money won't be sufficient to fund _all_ of my plans, but it's still a significant proportion of what I require. Failure to win would mean I've completely wasted my time at camp."

" _Real_ _ly_ _?_ " Shawn asked incredulously. "What about Bridgette, and B, and the others, weren't _they_ worth it?"

"Not if I fail to win the money," Scarlett told him simply. The pair fell silent as Scarlett walked briskly through the jungle of Boney Island, unaware that the expression of the young man she carried on her back was changing from shock to suspicion to narrow-eyed resolve.

/

Tense and fast-paced music began to play as the scene cut to show the sun beating down on the island's conifers, the camera panning down just as Lightning and Jo ran into view from behind a cliff. "Keep it up, we're almost there!" the jock-ette called, and sure enough they skidded to a stop just outside a large cave. They looked up briefly, noting a large purple spider building a web in the mouth of the cave, and when it descended on a thread of silk Jo scowled and brushed it away.

Lightning took a confident step into the darkness, but paused again when he was met with a low growling. A trio of woolly beavers emerged looking irate at the intruders, their advance forcing Lightning to retreat slightly. Thinking quickly, Jo grabbed the statue piece from the green backpack they'd been given and tossed it overhand into the cave.

Her eyes widened in alarm as one of the beavers reared up on its hind legs and swallowed the statue part whole. "Aww, _cra_ _p_ _!_ " she spat, adding "Run!" when the other two beavers took another step closer.

Lightning didn't have to be told twice, and his screaming retreat drew two of the predators away from the cave. The third one remained behind, too busy coughing to pursue.

Alejandro and Bridgette arrived next, the runner too distracted by their fleeing opponents to notice that the cave was still guarded.

"Watch out!" the surfer cried, getting her partner's attention soon enough for him to skid to a halt in front of the monstrous rodent.

" _Nice_ beaver," Alejandro said quickly to the growling beast, raising his hands into a defensive position and backing away slowly. "We didn't mean to, uh, _intrude_ upon your lovely... _cave_." As the charmer worked quickly, so did Bridgette. Donning a sly smile, she fished out their own piece of the Boney Island statue and tossed it above the beaver just as it went into another hacking fit.

Its flight attracted Alejandro's eyes for a brief moment as it hit the rocky floor with a clatter. Moments later, the tusked guard finally managed to spit up the piece it had intercepted from Jo, and sniffed it.

"We, uh, have to be _going_ now...," Alejandro said quickly, turning and racing off while the beaver was still distracted. It lifted its head and grunted, then headed back into the cave.

The fast-paced music tapered off as the camera zoomed into to a nearby bush, as Shawn and Scarlett finally arrived on the scene. "Aww _man_ ," the scruffy boy said, pointing out the two pieces of the statue at the mouth of the cave, "they got here before us!"

Scarlett groaned, then dumped her partner on the ground.

xxx

"Okay," Bridgette admitted to the outhouse camera, "maybe working with Alejandro _wasn't_ that bad. I just wish he'd stop using his charms to _manipulate_ people!"

xxx

/

The post-static shot was a close-up of Chris standing next to a totem pole. "And that's a point for Alejandro and Bridgette!" he announced, the camera pulling back to show each team seated at their own picnic table; on each table was a magenta cloth hiding something from view.

"Yeah!" Bridgette cheered from the center table. Beside her, Alejandro donned a cocky grin.

" _So_ ," Chris continued with a pair of finger pistols towards the campers, "an awesome day, huh? Moldy food fight, carnivorous beavers, _b_ _ut_ _!_ It's time for someone to win this thing." He walked over to Scarlett and Shawn on one end, continuing with "A point each for everyone but Lightning and Jo," the camera panned right to the pair of grumpy-looking jocks, "who could still pull a stopper."

The camera cut back to the host as he reached down to pull the cloth off of Scarlett and Shawn's table. "Today's final challenge," he said as he revealed the hidden items.

" _Aaah_!" Shawn screamed, jumping back and falling over. "Severed heads!" he exclaimed, pointing a shaking finger at what was on the table – the 'heads' of each former camper.

Scarlett rolled her eyes and picked one up – it looked like Scott. "They're made of _wood_ ," she told him as she peered closely at the farmer's facsimile. "And too small regardless..."

The focus moved back to the host. "The Totem Pole of _Shame_ , and _Humiliatio_ _n_ _!_ " he announced. A flash transitioned into a downward pan across the heads, arranged in a stack with Sammy at the top all the way to Staci on the bottom. "Your task," Chris explained, "assemble the heads in the order in which your _comrades_ were voted out. _Unless_ ," he said as the camera cut back to him, "you want the Wimp Key!" He dangled the key for the campers to see, but moved on before any of them were shown. "Time for heads to roll!" he said, blowing a whistle and starting the challenge.

/

The focus was placed on Scarlett and Shawn as they began to sort through the pile of heads.

"I trust you remember the order of elimination from the Screaming Gophers?" the redhead asked as she picked up two identical Dakota heads and examined them closely. "I honestly didn't put much effort towards remembering my opponents, especially the ones who left early. It may have been a poor decision, in hindsight.”

"Uhh, I guess I do?" Shawn told her. "I mean, mostly. I wasn't exactly a people person _either_ for most of the game."

"Well, your team _lost_ the first challenge," Scarlett replied with an edge to her voice, "so try to pick out whichever head you recognize the _least_."

"I _know_ ," the survivalist answered, giving her a brief look of annoyance. After another moment of searching, he held up the wooden head of Staci. "I'm pretty sure we voted _her_ out first. I can't remember her name, though, but I remember her talking _way_ too much."

"Good," Scarlett said tersely. "Put it on the table so I can add the next four."

/

The camera cut to Alejandro and Bridgette, who had already managed to stack up the first six heads.

"Let's see," Bridgette said, "I'm pretty sure _Scott_ was next." She held up the schemer's head and stuck out her tongue in disgust. "Scarlett was _so_ mad when she found out he was sabotaging us."

"Ah yes," Alejandro chuckled, "I really enjoyed telling you all what I'd seen. I didn't even need to lie!"

Bridgette frowned and rolled her eyes while her partner grabbed another head. "And then we come to Beth," he said, holding her carving up and speaking to it directly. "Such a shame, but Jo's alliance needed to be stopped, and you made yourself an easy target when you picked up that idol."

He smiled and placed the head on top of the stack just as Chris walked by behind him.

"Let's see what our most argumentative team's up to!" he told the camera as he approached Lightning and Jo. He quirked an eyebrow as he saw Lightning, his back turned to the camera, making kissing noises and doing something with the two heads he held.

"And what's _this_?" the host asked, leaning in along with the camera to show the overachiever holding his own head in his right hand and one of Amy's heads in his left, and rubbing their faces together in a simulated make-out session.

Chris let out a bark of laughter, and Lightning whipped around to face the host. "So _what_ if I miss Amy?" he snapped. "Girl might notta _won_ , but she was still a good kisser!"

"You're playing with her _head_ , dude," Chris told him, still laughing. "That's just _wei_ _rd_ _!_ "

The wooden head of Ezekiel struck him hard on the forehead suddenly, and the camera panned right to reveal the thrower as Jo. "Butt out, McLean!" the jock-ette shouted shouted as the host wobbled and fell over. "And _yo_ _u_ _!_ " she said to her partner. "Stop _daydreaming_ and get back to work!" She quickly pried Amy's head out of Lightning's hands, earning a glare from the overachiever.

A quick-pan took the focus back to Scarlett and Shawn. The survivalist had a head in each of his hand, and was looking between them uncertainly. "Was it _Topher_ or _Beardo_ who got voted out next...," he murmured.

" _How_ can you not _know_ this?" Scarlett groaned, holding her forehead. "They're _completely differe_ _nt_ _!_ "

"Well _sorry_ for not having a perfect _mem_ _ory_ _!_ " Shawn snapped. "And _you're_ not exactly helping, either!"

"I can remember the _entire_ post-merge elimination order," she said through gritted teeth, voice rising by the second. "And I don't want to risk _losing_ because _you_ can't recall the order of two more _inse_ _cts_ _!_ "

Both them and the background music which had been building throughout the challenge suddenly became silent. "So _that's_ how it is," Shawn told her with narrowed eyes, setting the heads of Topher and Beardo on the table. "You only see the rest of us as _insects_ , don't you? Or... or _tools_ to get you closer to the finale!"

"So what if I do?" Scarlett shot back at him in frustration. "That's the most logical way of _advancing_ in a game like this, and feeling otherwise won't change that fact!"

"Maybe not," Shawn replied, "but that doesn't mean I gotta like it! I may have been keeping my distance from everyone all game, but now it's time for me to take a stand for what I think is right. _Ch_ _ris_ _!_ " he turned and shouted. "Gimme the _Wimp Key_."

"Wai-" Scarlett started to say with eyes wide, but she was cut off when Shawn lurched away from the table and dragged her off her feet.

Trying to find the host, he dragged Scarlett over in front of Alejandro and Bridgette as the surfer reached up high to place a head just out of view. "There's really no need for that," the charmer told him with a calm smirk as his teammate stepped down from the table, a look of concern on her face.

"Tha's _rig_ _ht_ _!_ " Chris slurred, popping up between them and holding their cuffed hands high. Still reeling from his earlier hit, he nevertheless continued his announcement as triumphant music began to play. "The wieners are _Algette_ and _Bridjandoro_! They have invinci-bili-bilinity tonight, so don't vote for 'em!"

He toppled back to the ground, and the camera moved over to Jo and Lightning. "This is _your_ fault!" they accused simultaneously, pointing fingers and gritting teeth.

xxx

"Alejandro is _selfish_ , _manipulative_ , and _ridiculously_ talented," Bridgette told the confessional, the camera zoomed in oddly close to her. "If I've learned one thing today, it's that taking him down _won't_ be easy." She took a breath and smirked. "And yet, I'm still confident that I can handle him."

The shot zoomed out, revealing Alejandro in the outhouse with her, the two still handcuffed together. "I'm glad you feel that way," he told her with a devilish grin. "It'll make your loss even more _satisfying_." His grin fell into something more neutral and serious. "Although I _do_ hope you realize who you need to _vote_ for tonight."

Bridgette groaned, and slumped forward with her head in her hands.

xxx

/

"You've all cast your votes and made you decision," Chris opened over the traditional shot of the island at night. "The camper who does not receive a marshmallow tonight," the camera zoomed in then cut to the campfire pit with a beat from the music, "must _immediately_ return to the Dock of Shame," another beat, "and catch the Boat of Losers." The eponymous ship was shown waiting at the dock, and another beat from the background music took the scene back to the smiling host. "That means, you are out of the contest." Another beat, accompanied by a rising trill and a sly look. "And you can't come back, _ev-er_."

The music leveled off and the shot pulled back enough to show the tray in Chris' hands. "The first marshmallows go to our invincibility winners, _Alejandro_ ," he tossed the treat, and the charmer caught it with a grin, "and _Bridgette_." The surfer caught hers likewise, but with a more neutral expression.

"Four campers are left," the host said as he held up the same number of fingers, "but only _three_ marshmallows. The next marshmallow goes to... Jo!" The jock-ette pumped her fist and gave a smug look to her annoyed former partner. "Lightning!" Chris called next, and it was the overachieving athlete's turn to catch his treat smugly, and look at his ex-teammate as she huffed and turned away.

Scarlett and Shawn, the only two campers left, widened their eyes briefly before turning them on each other in a mutual glare. "Yup! That's one surefire way to wipe a smile off a camper's face!" Chris announced happily as the camera cut back to him. "Show them a plate with with exactly _one_ marshmallow on it!"

xxx

"I've already spoken to Alejandro about it," Scarlett confessed, brimming with a calm sort of confidence, "and he agrees that the correct choice is to vote out Shawn. With the two biggest threats to my victory ineligible to be voted for, it naturally falls to the _third_ greatest threat. He _won't_ be missed."

xxx

Shawn was sitting with his hands on his knees, elbows out and leaning towards the camera. "I might not like everyone I've competed against here," he told the camera with a hint of anger, "but at least I treat them like _human beings_."

xxx

Bridgette had her hand covering her eyes as she began her confession. "I still can't believe I'm _doing_ this, I really _can_ _'t_ _!_ " she said, lifting her hand and giving the camera a pleading look. "But I don't think I have any other _choic_ _e_ _!_ "

xxx

Alejandro was next. He held a dignified smile for a moment before bursting into raucous laughter, slapping his forehead and rocking backwards in his mirth.

xxx

The footage cut back to Chris, standing behind his makeshift podium with the final treat pinched between two fingers. "I'm left with just _one_ marshmallow for the night," he announced with a devilish look. "And either Shawn or Scarlett is about to go home!"

The viewpoint cut to the front of the campers, the redhead looking confident at the boy beside her, who sighed and got to his feet. He sadly said "Yeah, I guess it's my time to _go_..."

"What are you _doin_ _g_ _?!_ " Chris told her irately, stepping past the fire to stop him from leaving. "You're _wrecking_ it!" He gestured for him to take his seat, and the survivalist grudgingly obliged.

"The last marshmallow of the night goes to," Chris repeated back at his own spot and pausing while the tension built up, " _Shawn_. Scarlett, it's time for you to go!"

"What?" Shawn said in confusion as a marshmallow landed in his hands.

" _WHAT_ _?!_ " Scarlett roared, getting to her feet with enough force to knock her glasses out of alignment and several strands of hair out of her bun. "You voted for _m_ _e_ _?!_ " she roared again, eyes flashing red as she wheeled around and pointed an accusatory finger at Alejandro, who looked slightly terrified. "We had a _de_ _al_ _!_ You said you would be voting for _Shaw_ _n_ _!_ "

Alejandro gulped, but quickly regained his composure. "Did I say that?" he told her impishly. "Sorry, but I'd _much_ rather get rid of _you_ , my red-haired rival. Oh wait," he had a sudden realization, "make that _former_ rival. Although if I'm being honest," his voice became smug, "you were _never_ in my league."

Scarlett grit her teeth, stomped her feet, and growled in frustration. "Who else?!" she demanded, turning her red-eyed gaze to the others. "Who else voted for me!"

Shawn shied away from her and raised a trembling hand, as did Bridgette. "I wasn't sure about it at first," the surfer said as the angry brainiac glared at her. "I mean, after all we've been through I thought we were still _frien_ _ds_ _!_ But," she gulped, then steeled her gaze, "but after hearing what you said to Shawn today, I decided that I'd rather be around someone I _know_ is nice instead of someone I can't trust to be genuine. And even then, I'm _still_ sorry it had to end this way."

"You'd _better_ be," Scarlett hissed as Chef Hatchet came up behind her and grabbed her by the wrists.

The scene cut to the Dock of Shame, the ominous and somber tune playing as Chef dragged the thrashing girl behind him. "I won't forget this!" she screamed, her glasses still awry and her hair, normally neat and orderly, about a third out of place.

She was thrown onto the waiting ship, and the shot cut to the other end of the docks. Bridgette had come to see Scarlett off, sighing and waving sadly as the Boat of Losers took its latest passenger off into the night.

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus falls Scarlett. I'll admit that I modified some of her and Shawn's dialogue in this chapter to make her elimination feel... I don't know, less abrupt? But I don't believe it was necessarily enough. Well, that's ultimately up to the readers to decide.
> 
> Fun fact: according to my notes, Scarlett had originally been slated for elimination much earlier, shortly after Dawn in fact. But then I decided to bring Amy back at the merge, which meant Scarlett's elimination had to change, and ultimately I still feel like it was for the better. Scarlett went out exactly where she should have, and in just about exactly the right manner too.
> 
> Also, any patterns you see in the challenge pairs (alphabetical order, generation separation) are legitimately coincidences, the pairs were chosen by and large to facilitate Scarlett's elimination. Thus we have Alejandro and Bridgette winning joint invincibility, Jo and Lightning serving as comic relief, and Scarlett and Shawn being the episode's main focus.
> 
> Not much else to say. Look forward to more Scarlett in the future, dear newcomers.
> 
> Let me know what you thought of the chapter, and I'll see you all next time.
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (RETURNED)
> 
> Ezekiel - (21st Place)
> 
> Sugar - (20th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (RETURNED)
> 
> Amy - (RETURNED)
> 
> Scott - (19th Place)
> 
> Beth - (18th Place)
> 
> Sierra - (17th Place)
> 
> Topher - (16th Place)
> 
> Sam - (15th Place)
> 
> Beardo - (14th Place)
> 
> Dawn - (13th Place)
> 
> Amy - (12th Place)
> 
> Geoff - (11th Place)
> 
> Dakota - (10th Place)
> 
> DJ - (9th Place)
> 
> B - (8th Place)
> 
> Sammy - (7th Place)
> 
> Scarlett - (6th Place)


	23. Camp Castaways

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want a reminder, the remaining contestants are as follows:
> 
> Girls \- Bridgette, Jo
> 
> Boys \- Alejandro, Lightning, Shawn
> 
> \- Fangren

"Last time, on Total Drama Island!" The opening shot cut straight into brief clips of the remaining campers in alphabetical order. "We gave our final six a chance to _really_ get to know one another by handcuffing them _together_ ," Chris was shown holding up a pair of handcuffs, followed by a clip of the three teams sitting at a table in the mess hall, "and making them compete in a _Tri-Armed Triathl_ _on_ _!_ "

"Jo and Lightning spent the whole day bickering and getting on each other's nerves," the jocks were shown during the first challenge when Lightning forced food down his partner's throat, arguing in the confessional, and exchanging a glare during the final challenge, "Bridgette put her foot down on Alejandro's charming ways," the pair was some arguing in their canoe, "and as for Shawn and Scarlett?" A montage of their conversations throughout the day, culminating in Shawn getting fed up and dragging Scarlett away from their table. " _Weeeelllll_ , let's just say they found out _exactly_ how different they really are."

"And although they managed to win the eating contest, it was Alejandro and Bridgette who won the race to Boney Island," Bridgette was shown tossing their statue piece into the beaver-guarded cave, " _and_ finished the Totem Pole of Shame and Humiliation first," a dazed Chris was shown raising their hands with their tower of heads rising out of the shot, "earning themselves invincibility. In the end, it was _Scarlett's_ turn to get stabbed in the back and hauled off to the Dock of Shame." The brainiac's elimination and subsequent freak-out were replayed, marking the end of the recap.

"How will the Final Five handle what we have in store for them _this_ week?" Chris asked the camera from his usual spot on the docks. "Will they keep it together, or will they finally crack? Find out, on Total! Drama! Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

It was raining heavily as the episode opened on the Dock of Shame, and Chris McLean stood at the end of it beneath a dark brown umbrella. "Welcome back to Total Drama Island!" he said with a wave. "This week, we've prepared a _bizarre_ episode full of surprises. For instance," the camera moved in for a close-up, "take this weather! Rain is _not_ an easy thing to control, let me tell ya! _But_ , we figured the five remaining campers were gettin' off _way_ too easy. So, we pulled some strings, and _v_ _oila_ _!_ " The shot pulled back out just as the host was struck by a bolt of lightning and yelped.

/

The scene cut to the cabins, where several puddles had formed outside and four of the campers loitered on their porches.

"Listen up, campers!" Chris announced through the loudspeaker. "One of the most grueling challenges of _any_ summer camp experience is the dreaded _rain day_ , where all activities with even the _remotest_ possibility of being fun are _canceled_ , in favor of the Craft Tent! The forecast for tomorrow?" he added. " _Rain_ , _rain_ , and _more_ rain," Lightning was shown doing push-ups in silence while Alejandro watched and yawned, "followed by _rain_." Jo, who had also been doing push-ups, scowled up at the loudspeaker. "See you all in the Craft Tent tomorrow," Bridgette sat with her head in her hands and sighed, "at 0700 hours!"

As his transmission cut out, two murmuring voices rose to take their place. "Ninety- _eight_... ninety- _nine_...," Jo said, counting out each push-up.

"I don't get why you're doing this," Bridgette told her as the jock-ette sounded off her hundredth. "I mean, what difference does it make who can do more push-ups?"

"Because...," Jo said, still silently keeping track of each repetition, "he needs... to realize... that _I'm_... the most physically... dominant... player in the game!"

Bridgette looked across to where Lightning had just shouted out his hundred-and-tenth, then looked back at her roommate who'd reached that milestone at about the same time. "You seem pretty even to me," she said, "why don't you just admit that there are more _important_ things than proving you're the best?"

"Don't bother," Alejandro called out before Jo could reply, "she'll never listen to you. Just let them have their meaningless competition!"

"Sha- _meaning_ _less_ _?!_ " Lightning said in disbelief. "Dude, you're only sayin' that 'cause you know you'd lose!"

"Excuse me?" the multi-talented manipulator responded. "I could beat you in my _sle_ _ep_ _!_ Not that I'd bother when there are more _important_ things to do."

"Oh _yea_ _h_ _?_ " Lightning shot back.

The shot cut back to Bridgette, who rolled her eyes and groaned. "Uggh, where's _Sha_ _wn_ _?_ I need to talk to someone who _isn't_ hyper-competitive."

xxx

The static cut to Shawn I the outhouse, looking sheepishly awkward as he avoided making eye contact with the camera. "Uhh, I really don't like _saying_ this," he finally said, "but it turns out I'm not exactly _prepared_ for a storm like this. I can't sleep in my usual spot since there's a chance it'd get struck by lightning, plus it's exposed to the wind and rain, and hypothermia _really_ isn't something I wanna deal with if a horde of zombies turn up."

He sighed and looked away from the camera, glancing around the room as the poring rain could be heard outside. "I _guess_ I could try sleeping in the cabin, but it might be better to spend the night _here_ instead. The _stench_ should mask my scent, but I'd need to make it more defensible... _hmm_..." He began to tap his chin in thought as the footage cut back to static.

xxx

Thunder crashed through the skies above Camp Wawanakwa, and with the rain showing no signs of letting up the four campers still outside wordlessly decided to take refuge in their cabins. Bridgette closed the door to the girls' cabin, and Alejandro closed the door to the guys', and a tense tune began to compete with the weather's volume.

The scene flashed ahead, revealing that the common area had begun to flood. The cabins were still on high ground, but other parts of the camp were not so lucky. Birds flew past the camera and a series of objects began to float by: first an Adirondack chair, then the Arts and Crafts Center, a log ridden by a trio of raccoons, and even a squirrel perched on top a metal periscope.

The camera panned up to the sky and the scene progressed forwards accompanied by the sound of a loon and an angelic chorus as the rain was replaced by the sun.

/

Chef began to ring a handbell, the shot moving back to show him standing on the porch of the mess hall with a pot of something next to him.

Chris rode up on his ATV, a look of mild concern on his face. "Hey Chef," he asked, "you seen the campers?"

"No!" the hulking cook replied. "And I peeled a whole bag of rotten spuds!" he said, lifting up his pot and showing off the spoiled potatoes within.

The host scratched his head. "Hmm, I can't find them either!" he admitted as he took another look around the campgrounds. "Come to think of it, I can't even find their _cabi_ _ns_ _!_ " The camera zoomed out from his perturbed face to show an empty clearing and a few cinder blocks where once stood a pair of buildings.

/

The scene cut to one of the cabins floating on the water. In the foreground, a few things floated by – mostly chairs, including one being ridden by a trio of raccoons, but more importantly a bunk bed with Jo on top and Bridgette on the bottom, both sleeping calmly.

Lightning burst out of the door to the cabin with a yawn, taking a step and falling into the water. The splash woke up Bridgette, who cried out when she saw the water so close to her, and also fell in. That splash in turn caused Jo to stir, and with a shout of "What the?!" she became the third camper to fall into the lake.

"What's going on?" Alejandro asked with a yawn, stepping out of his cabin. His eyes popped open when he spotted the water, and he quickly backed against the wall of the building.

"How the heck should _I_ know?" Jo barked at him.

"Maybe there was a flood?" Bridgette suggested, picking leeches off her arm.

"Man, this is _ridiculo_ _us_ _!_ " Lightning griped. He was about to continue before a passing shark fin shut him up. It circled past the girls, forcing all three to yell and leap from the water.

The footage flashed ahead to show them and Alejandro clinging to the post and railing of the lone cabin. They shivered as they watched as the girls' bunk bed collapse into the lake, and a freshwater shark jump out of the water take a bite out of a passing chair.

"Oh crap," Bridgette said in a panic, "I hope Shawn's okay!"

xxx

The static cut to another confessional from the zombie survivalist, already in-progress. "So if you keep all that in mind," he told the camera with a confident smirk, "then you _should_ be able to survive the coming undead apocalypse. Just remember," his expression became serious as he pointed at the camera, "don't get cocky, and _stay ale_ _rt_ _!_ "

His stomach growled, and he raised an eyebrow. "Huh, guess I've been in here awhile now. I wonder if it's safe to go outside yet?"

The camera cut outside, revealing that the outhouse confessional had also been swept away from camp and was now adrift in the middle of an unnamed body of water. Shawn stuck his head out of the door, gulped, and went back inside. "Guess not," he said nervously, the camera still fixed on the outhouse exterior. "The good news? Zombies can't get me here," he told himself. "The _bad_ news?" his stomach growled again. "I could _really_ use some breakfast."

xxx

/

The scene cut to Alejandro's shoes as they stepped onto sand, the camera pulling back to show that the cabin had beached itself at an odd angle and its four passengers had ventured onto dry land. A variety of plants dotted the area; oddly, several were in pots.

"Well _this_ doesn't seem good," Bridgette said, hunched over and arms wrapped around herself as her wide eyes darted around.

"Oh please," Jo told her, " _clearly_ this is just another one of McLean's crappy _se_ _ts_ _!_ " She kicked a nearby rock in frustration, and stubbed her toe.

"Yeah, Lightning thinks this is just a _challeng_ _e_ _!_ " the overachiever added.

"I doubt it," Alejandro said calmly. "We probably just got swept away in a flood, no doubt the _producers_ will send someone to pick us up."

xxx

"Just to set the record straight," Chris said indignantly in the outhouse confessional, presumably at a later time, "my sets are _not_ crappy! I lost _three_ interns moving those rocks into place. And about that search party?" He crossed his arms and shook his head. "Nuh-uh! Those campers are on their own!"

xxx

/

The scene cut over to Chris and Chef, still standing outside the mess hall. "So I guess that means craft day is canceled," the host said, his anger quickly dissolving into a grinning shrug. "Aaanyway, I'm starved. Let's eat!" he gave his stomach a pat and looked at Chef and the pot of rotten potatoes he carried.

"You actually wanna _eat_ this slop?!" Chef asked in stunned disbelief.

"Shyeah, right!" the host chuckled. "I meant the breakfast buffet back at _our_ camp."

" _Cool_ ," Chef said, giving him a thumbs up and a snickering push on his companion's chest. Chris playfully pushed him back, the force of which annoyed the hulking man enough for him to frown and shove the host off-camera.

/

xxx

"Being stuck on a deserted island isn't _so_ bad," Bridgette confessed. "Well, except for the _others_ , of course."

xxx

"Only _one_ chick and _three_ dudes?" Lightning said in his turn at the outhouse. "Good thing this ain't real!"

xxx

"I can only imagine what my brother _José_ will say about this when I return home," Alejandro sighed, putting a hand on his forehead.

xxx

"Uggh, the things I put up with for a hundred grand!" Jo complained.

xxx

"Well I don't know about _you_ losers," Lightning announced, "but _I'm_ gonna go figure out how to win this thing!"

"You don't really believe this is just a _contest_ , do you?" Bridgette told him as he ran off. "Because I'm pretty sure we're _stranded_ out here. We should at _least_ build a raft and try to figure out where we are first!" Lightning gave her no response, already past the nearby shrubs and soon out of sight.

"Personally," Alejandro interrupted as he inspected one of the strange potted plants, "I think it's best if we remained on the beach until someone comes for us. I mean, it's not like they'd just let us _die_ out here, we're the stars of the show!"

Jo rolled her eyes. "They're not _gonna_ come for us, pretty boy. This is just a challenge, a test of who can survive best on a deserted island! That's right," she shouted at the sky, "I know what you're up to, McLean!"

xxx

"Ooo _ooo_ oohhhh, I'm so _scare_ _d_ _!_ " Chris laughed mockingly.

xxx

/

"You know what?" Jo told the others, "I don't have to stay here with you two, so I'm not gonna!" She stormed off down the beach, receiving stares from Alejandro and Bridgette as she left them alone together.

xxx

"Maybe I could have 'handled' that better," she explained in the confessionals, making use of air quotes and a significant dose of sarcasm, "but honestly, with everything that's happened everyone's just been getting on my nerves. Not that I _need_ them to survive a deserted island or anything."

xxx

The jock-ette poked her head through some potted shrubs, and her face lit up. "Score!" she said with a growing smile. "This'll make things _way_ easier!" As she spoke, the camera zoomed out to reveal a large and well-built treehouse nearby, with a ladder leading up to its front porch from the beach.

/

The scene cut to Shawn in the confessional outhouse, curled into a fetal position and nervously biting his fingernails. "Okay," he told himself, "so somehow you got swept away from camp last night. It's not that bad! Just gotta stay inside until-" a dull thud shook the outhouse, and the scruffy boy's face brightened. "Please let that be what I think it is!"

The point-of-view moved outside, revealing that the small building had washed up on a sandy beach. A short triumphant tune played as Shawn opened the door and joyfully shouted "Land!" He took a few steps forward, then blinked and became tense. "I gotta be careful. Even if I'm back at camp, who _knows_ what happened last night! Gotta keep an _eye_ out for the _undead_..."

He slowly began to creep forward, shooting confused looks at the various types and size of potted plants on the shore. He pushed his way through a large bush, and bumped into something vaguely white and pointy. He looked up, and with a dramatic beat the camera pulled back to show what looked like the skull and partial skeleton of a _Tyrannosaurus rex_. "Sk-Skeletal zombie _dinosa_ _ur_ _!_ " he screamed, backing up in a panicked scramble. His screaming stopped when he backed into a palm tree, and his brow furrowed. "Wait a minute..."

xxx

"The _T. rex_ skull was _my_ idea," Chris happily admitted to the outhouse camera with a laugh. "Did you see the _look_ on his _fac_ _e_ _?_ That was worth _every_ intern!"

xxx

/

"Not too shabby," Jo told herself as she stood on the treehouse porch and looked out over the land below. "Better see what's inside before the _others_ get here." She threw open the door and gasped when what looked like a human skeleton dropped down from the ceiling. Startled, she took a step backwards and fell to the ground with a crash.

The camera cut to Alejandro and Bridgette, who perked their heads up from what they were doing below the field of view.

"Was that _J_ _o_ _?_ " Alejandro asked first.

"Oh crap," Bridgette exclaimed, "I hope she's alright!" She dashed off screen; Alejandro gave a small shrug and followed at a casual pace.

The two caught up to her on the beach below the treehouse, where she had already gotten to her feet and begun dusting herself off. "What happened?" Bridgette asked in concern.

" _Nothing_ ," Jo spat defensively. "Something just popped out and knocked me off, that's all."

"Really?" Alejandro asked, raising an eyebrow skeptically. "What _was_ it?"

"That's what _I_ wanna know," the jock-ette told him as she started to climb the ladder again.

/

A flash took the scene back to Shawn, who had returned to the larger skeleton and was examining it critically. "Okay," he said hesitantly, "I'm _pretty_ sure a skeleton can't become undead once it's been fossilized, so I should be safe from it. The question is," he added as he walked back out towards the beach, "what is it even _doing_ out here?" He looked around, and spotted something in the trees nearby. " _Coconuts_?"

xxx

"Will someone please explain to me why there are _palm trees_ and _coconuts_ up here?" Chef angrily asked, the confessional camera zoomed in close. "We're in northern Ontario!"

The camera pulled back to show Chris seated next to the cook. "They were leftover props from the 'Bigassic Park' movie shoot," he explained. When Chef gave him a look of disbelief, he shrugged and added "What? We're on a _budget_!"

xxx

"Okay," Shawn told himself as he cracked open a coconut, "either I washed up on some kinda prehistoric island, went back in _time_ , or, I dunno, ended up in some kinda _set_ or something." He took a sip of coconut milk and looked around at the potted plants, and the tip of the dinosaur skull visible just above the trees. "Probably the _last_ one, now that I think about it; those other two ideas are just _ridiculous_." He tossed the empty coconut over his shoulder and picked up a few more. "Well, better get moving before the _zombies_ find me."

/

"It's just a _pr_ _op_ _!_ " Jo shouted angrily as she poked the skeleton hanging in the treehouse doorway. "This is all _fake_ , just like that escaped killer, and just like Boney Island. This is a _challenge_ just like I thought!"

"What if you're wrong?" asked Bridgette, who had joined the jock-ette on the treehouse porch. "I mean, do you really wanna take that chance? I think we should build a raft and figure out where we _are_."

"If we _are_ stranded on a deserted island," Alejandro objected, also one the porch, "then it's better if we just stay where we are for now, and let the _producers_ come find _us_. In fact, we should really build a fire to make it _easier_ for them, you _know_ they need all the help they can get."

xxx

"Iiii'm gonna let that little comment _pass_ ," Chris said, unamused. Still in the outhouse with him, Chef grimaced and nodded.

xxx

"Surprisingly," Jo admitted with a contemplative look, "I actually _agree_ with Prissy-jandro. I'm too _important_ to leave stranded, there wouldn't even be a _show_ without me!"

xxx

"Perhaps I _could_ have put more effort into keeping us together," Alejandro mused as he leaned against the confessional wall, "but I felt I needed a _break_ from the others. And they seemed to be of like mind, so why fight it?" He ended his confessional with a shrug and a smile.

xxx

"Well then," Jo suggested, "let's just make it every camper for themselves!"

"Fine with me," Alejandro said, calmly heading down the ladder.

Bridgette looked between them and gave a short, exasperated sigh. "Fine," she agreed.

The footage flashed forward, showing the charmer and the surfer back on the beach. Bridgette gave Alejandro one last hesitant look, but ultimately chose to go in a different direction. The young man began to pick up pieces of wood off the ground, while Bridgette stuck her arms into her hoodie's pockets and headed inland.

/

The shot moved to the outhouse, its door wide open as Shawn rooted through it, finally pulling out a toilet plunger. "Well, I guess this'll have to do for now," he muttered, "but I'm really gonna need a better weapon if I expect to last out here. Maybe if I grab one of those _dinosaur_ bones?" He rubbed his chin in thought, then the footage flashed forward to show him approaching the massive skeleton.

"A tooth should be good," he said as he looked at it from a distance. The background music spiked dramatically when the skeleton began to shake and rattle, shocking Shawn. "Aww crap, gotta hide!" he said in a panic, leaping into one of the nearby trees.

The camera cut closer to the skull, and Lightning stuck his head out of one of the eye sockets. "Man, this thing's been picked _cle_ _an_ _!_ Now where's Lightning gonna find some grub?" He heard a rustling in the bushes nearby and dropped from the skeleton. The footage cut forward as the athlete barged through the undergrowth until at last he stopped and smirked. "Sa- _we_ _et_ _!_ " he cheered, the point-of-view moving behind him and showing a pile of bananas and pineapples on the ground.

"Fruit's nice," he said as he started picking the food up, "but what I'd _really_ like is some-" something else caught his eye, and he finished with an excited cry of " _prot_ _ein_ _!_ " Dropping his first prize, he ran over to a very large egg sitting in a nest on the ground.

Another flash forward showed the overachiever carrying the massive egg under one arm, and a bunch of fruit under the other. " _Boo_ -yah," he exclaimed, "Lightning's the _ma_ _n_ _!_ "

As he walked off, the camera lingered on the empty nest. The background music became tense and ominous as the shadow of something large and winged passed over the scene, accompanied by a prehistoric cry.

/

Back at the area surrounding the treehouse, Bridgette was in the process of tying several logs together with vines. She looked to her left, and the camera panned over to show Alejandro rubbing sticks together trying to start a fire. Another pan up to the treehouse window revealed Jo watching them both with a bored expression on her face.

The jock-ette's stomach grumbled, and she pursed her lips. The shot cut to the base of the ladder just as Jo slid down it, earning the attention of the other two.

"What, did you get tired of sitting around up there already?" Bridgette asked coolly.

" _No_ ," Jo told her, "I was just gonna go find food!" The surfer shrugged and went back to her work, but the jcok-ette didn't leave. "And none of you better go up there while I'm gone," she warned. "I found that place first, so it belongs to _m_ _e_ _!_ "

"What _difference_ does it make?" Bridgette asked in a resigned tone. "It's not like there's anything around here we need to _worry_ about..."

A loud, howling roar filled the air and caused all three campers to freeze in place. "Maybe there _is_ _!_ " Alejandro said in growing panic.

/

"Okay," Shawn said frantically as he shimmied down the tree he'd hid in, "nothing has shown up to _eat_ me yet, so I should be in the clear." He dropped to the ground, and gripped his plunger in both hands. "Just gotta get keep moving until I find somewhere _safer_ to hide." A loud, howling roar filled the air and caused him to scream and jump back into the trees.

/

The scene immediately cut to Chef Hatchet blowing into a conch shell, producing the howling roar that had echoed through the area. "Brunch is served," he stated calmly, lowering the shell. Behind him stood Chris, hungrily looking at a table of food that had been set up in front of a large green tent.

A classical British tune began to play in the background as the camera focused in on the host. "Aaah, _brunch_ ," Chris said happily. "Such a civilized meal, don't you think? You've already digested your brekkie, but you're not quite ready for _lunch_. Ooo-hoo-hooo," he lit up with a grin, swiping his finger through a thick yellow sauce, " _hollandai_ _se_ _!_ You've outdone yourself, Chef!" He stuck the sauce in his mouth and pulled his finger back out with a faint 'pop'.

Chef smiled and sounded the conch again, the scene cutting back to the campers as the roaring sound once again filled the air.

/

Jo's widened eyes darted around in fear for a few brief seconds before becoming very narrow. "Oh _I_ see what's going on," she announced, "this is just one of McLean's crappy attempts at _punking_ us, just like the skeleton!" Bridgette and Alejandro shot her odd looks that went unnoticed. "But you know what? _I'm_ not buying it!" she yelled at the sky. " _I'm_ gonna go find food, so I'll see you _wimps_ later!" She gave her fellow campers one last glance before storming off.

Bridgette sighed and put a hand on her forehead. "Well then," she reluctantly called, "just be careful!" She shook her head, and tightened the binding of her raft.

"I take it you're off as well?" Alejandro asked her as he fanned and sheltered the small flame he'd created.

"Yup," the surfer answered. "Hopefully I'll be able to find camp before whatever-that-was shows up."

Alejandro shrugged. "Your funeral!"

" _Thanks_ ," Bridgette deadpanned before shoving her raft into the water and rowing off with an oar she'd found off-camera.

The handsome young man resumed putting his full attention on the budding fire, the footage cutting forward a few minutes to show it having advanced to a roaring blaze worthy of the campfire pit. He looked at it proudly, but his face fell when his stomach began to growl.

"Perhaps it wouldn't _hurt_ to leave for a few minutes and find something to eat," he wondered aloud. His stomach growled again, leading him to shrug and walk away.

He'd only made it a few feet before Lightning barged through the bushes beside him, knocking the charmer to the ground with the glancing force of his emergence.

"Woo!" the overachiever cheered as he looked around and noticed the fire. "Looks like _Lightning's_ gonna have himself some monster scrambled eggs!"

"Oh, no no no!" Alejandro interrupted already back on his feet, grabbing hold of the exuberant boy's collar as he tried to run off. " _I_ built that fire, so it's only right that _I_ decide who gets to use it!"

"Aww, dude, you're _kiddin'_ me!" Lightning said with a frown. "That ain't fair!"

"I disagree," the manipulator told him plainly, eyeing what the other boy was carrying. "Although, I _am_ willing to let you use it in exchange for that fruit. After all, you can _hardly_ eat that egg raw."

Lightning pursed his lips for a moment before smiling. "You got a deal, dude!" He tossed the bananas and pineapples to his roommate, and took the giant egg over to the fire.

xxx

"Last time Lightning ate raw eggs," the athlete told the confessional, "he got so sick he had to sit out a game! That ain't _never_ gonna happen again," he swung his arms in emphasis. "I _had_ to take the deal! Besides, I need _protein_ , which _fruit_ doesn't have!" Lightning paused, and scratched his head. "At least, I don't _think_ it does."

xxx

/

Shawn was shown again, poking his head out from the top of a palm tree and scanning the treetops with his hand shading out the sun. The camera panned across the area, starting at the beach and circling left until it stopped at a faint trail of smoke rising nearby. "Fire?" the survivalist muttered in confusion before his eyes widened. "Maybe there's other _people_ out here! I gotta check it out before the _zombies_ and _monsters_ get to 'em."

His gaze filling with determination, the background music rose briefly as he threw himself out of his hiding spot, and grabbed onto the tree next to it.

/

The scene moved back to the host and cook, a tropical party beat filling the air as the focus was placed on a limbo bar set to the highest notch in the foreground. In the background, Chef sat on the ground by a trailer and beat on a drum as Chris came into view, leaning back and passing under the limbo bar.

"Ah, fun in the great outdoors," he said. "Too bad the interns are missing it. We should send them a video of this!" he added, turning around and limboing back. "Good times!"

/

The music leveled off into something softer as the focus moved to Bridgette paddling across the water. "Uggh," she groaned as she peered out at the shores around her, "I can't find _anythi_ _ng_ _!_ " She continued paddling for a few more moments before a prehistoric cry caught her attention, distinctly different from the one she'd heard before leaving.

Bridgette looked up and gasped in terror as a winged shadow passed over her. "It's headed for the treehouse!" the surfer exclaimed. "I gotta help the others!" She shifted her position and began to paddle hard and fast.

/

The scene quickly shifted to Lightning and Alejandro sitting by the fire. The background music picked up as another fierce cry echoed over them, and the two boys jumped up startled as a giant goose – the same kind that nested on Boney Island – swooped down on them. They cried out and jumped apart, Lightning taking the egg with him; the monster goose took notice and focused on the jock, landing briefly to assault the human boy with wings and toothy beak.

Lightning, to his credit, managed to dodge the attacks, and rolled closer to the fire. "Just give it the egg!" Alejandro cried out but to no avail; Lightning drew a burning piece of wood from the fire and brandished it like a sword at the bird.

But before he could swing, the goose slammed him with its elongated head, knocking the athlete over and sending his makeshift weapon flying.

"NO!" Alejandro shouted as it sailed all the way to the treehouse, bouncing off the porch railing and falling to the sand. Ignoring Lightning as he continued to fight with the goose, Alejandro rushed over and stomped the burning stick out.

A crackling sound above him caught his attention as he looked up in horror – the treehouse had caught on fire. He opened his mouth, and the word that came out had to be censored.

/

The tense music disappeared as Jo was shown again, walking calmly through the jungle eating a banana. The camera pulled back to show her with an entire bunch under her arm, before rotating around to show a plume of smoke rising above the trees. "Huh," she muttered with a raised eyebrow, "looks like Ale- _pyro_ actually managed to start a fire!" She tossed an empty banana peel behind her, and kept walking.

/

Shawn paused after leaping to another tree to check the smoke in the sky. "Is it just me," he said in confusion, "or is that getting _big_ _ger_ _?_ " He shrugged, then threw himself into the next tree.

/

The tense, fast-paced music immediately resumed upon the scene switching back to the burning treehouse. The camera panned down to Alejandro, gaping in horror as he looked from the growing blaze, to Lightning still battling the monster goose over the egg, and lastly to the beach. "What do I _d_ _o_ _?_ " he asked in a panic, gripping his long hair.

"What the _hec_ _k_ _?!_ " he was asked by a belligerent Jo, who stormed into the scene and straight up to her long-time rival. "I leave for like _ten_ minutes, and I come back to _thi_ _s_ _?!_ What did you _d_ _o_ _?!_ "

"It's not my fault!" Alejandro said defensively. "It was _Lightning_ , _he_ caused all of this!"

Jo didn't look like she believed him, but before she could say anything else Shawn dropped from the trees behind her.

"Uhh, not that I'm not glad to see you guys are still _alive_ ," the scruffy boy said in growing alarm, "but what _happe_ _ned_ _?!_ " He waved wildly at the fire, then finally noticed the battle between man and waterfowl. "Aww man, we gotta _do_ something!" He dashed over to Lightning, but got knocked back by their furious struggle.

"Why didn't you _stop_ this?" Jo quickly railed on Alejandro. "I thought you were supposed to be Mr. Hotshot _Manipulator_ who can get people to do anything!"

"It all happened too _qu_ _ickly_ _!_ " Alejandro told her. "I couldn't do _anyt_ _hing_ _!_ "

Just as they began to argue, another sudden visitor arrived. "Holy _cra_ _p_ _!_ " Bridgette said, her eyes wide in panic. Spotting Lightning being savaged by a giant goose while Shawn desperately tried to separate them, she gripped her oar without thinking and began to run.

Swinging as hard as she could, she aimed for the goose but managed to hit the overachiever as well; the oar broke, Lightning finally dropped the egg and was pulled away by Shawn, and the goose – after a quick recovery – took off with its unhatched child.

"Dang, girl!" Lightning said, shaking the stars away from his eyes. 'What was _that_ for?"

"Sorry," Bridgette hurriedly apologized, "but we have to put that fire out before it _spre_ _ad_ _s!_ " She quickly looked around the area, spotting the potted plants and her other two fellow campers. "Jo! Alejandro!" she called out as they walked over to her. "I want you and Lightning to go move as many plants away from this tree as you can before they start burning too!" She left the pair to look at each other in mild confusion and grabbed one of the smaller potted plants, then started trying to tip it over. "Shawn! Give me a hand with these pots, will ya?"

The survivalist nodded and went over to help her, but the three villains seemed reluctant to act. "Who died and made _you_ the Queen, Blondie?" Jo barked. "Why should _I_ _help_?"

"I must agree," Alejandro added. "Why should _any_ of us risk our lives to fight this fire?"

"Because if we _don't_ ," the surfer shot back angrily as she and Shawn removed the pot from a knocked-over plant, "then it might spread to the _entire_ island, leaving us nowhere to _r_ _un_ _!_ So stop _arguing_ for once, and _he_ _lp_ _!_ " As she and her friend succeeded in separating the pot, Jo and Alejandro shared another glance – this one more in surprise than anything else.

/

The scene moved back to Chef and Chris, seated on stools on opposite sides of a stump, sipping coffee brewed using a coffeemaker on the stump. The same classically British tune that had accompanied their previous scene began playing again as they conversed.

"So Chef," the host said, "how do you think our campers are doing on their ' _deserted island_ '?"

" _Anythin'_ coulda happened to 'em by now," the cook answered with a smile. "Mauled by _bears_ , fell off the _cliff_ , _starved_ to death..."

As Chef went on, the camera focused in on an increasingly thoughtful Chris. "Hmm... maybe I should go check the monitors and see what kinda _footage_ we got," he suggested.

"Chris, man," his assistant told him, "you are one _dedicated_ host." The larger man picked the handsome host up and began to cradle him in his arms as though he was a child while a short but touching tune played in the background. "You're an _inspiration_!"

"Thanks, dude," Chris told him. "It's what I do."

/

The shot flashed back to the campers, triumphant music rising in the background as they worked against the flames. Jo and Alejandro were shown first, tearing up bushes and moving away the few potted plants that were close enough to the treehouse to risk catching alight. The camera panned to the left and the music turned flat and disjointed as Lightning was shown making a barely-token effort to move a palm tree which, judging by the jock-ette and charmer's annoyance as they set their own load down nearby, was well outside the danger zone.

Shawn and Bridgette were shown next, the music resuming its full glory as the two carried a leaky flower pot full of water up the beach and hurling it onto the fire. Most of it missed the fire, but enough did hit to extinguish a corner of the treehouse porch. Smiling at each other, they carried the flower pot back down the beach. On the way they were joined by Jo and Alejandro carrying a second, larger flower pot. The music stuttered and fell flat as Lightning was shown again, standing with a pot of his own, wildly flinging water over his back in the direction of the shore. All he managed to accomplish in his efforts was to make Bridgette and Shawn soaked and annoyed.

A few more short clips were shown of water getting splashed onto the treehouse, each time dousing a little bit more, until finally the music leveled off and the camera panned down across the smoldering remains of the tree and building. The five campers were looking at it from the beach, dripping wet themselves but smiling at the result of their hard work.

"Great job!" Bridgette told them all. "I _knew_ we could do it if we worked together!"

"Heck yeah!" Jo cheered. "That fire never stood a _chan_ _ce_ _!_ "

xxx

"Hey, turns out working with them wasn't as bad as I thought!" Jo confessed. "More importantly, though," she added as she started to rub her hands together, "I just _know_ I looked cool doing it!"

xxx

"Not to spoil the mood or anything," Alejandro spoke up, "but _now_ what do we do? We no longer have a shelter, and we don't know when or even _if_ somebody will come rescue us."

"We still have my raft," Bridgette suggested, "we could try finding camp again. Although we'd need a new _paddle_..."

"And what if we _don't_ find it?" Jo countered. "What happens _the_ _n_ _?_ "

"Then I guess we find someplace to spend the night," the surfer told her uncertainly, "and try again tomorrow."

"What are you goin' on about," Lightning interrupted, "this is just a challenge! Chris'll come get us when it's over."

"Not if he expects us to find our way back _ourselves_ ," Alejandro pointed out.

Lightning rubbed his chin. "Huh, didn't think of it like that! Guess that means I gotta find my way back before the _rest_ of you then." At that moment, his stomach took the opportunity to growl. "Aww man!" he exclaimed, clutching his gut. "After all that I _still_ didn't get to have lunch!"

"Then how about we _eat_ before we decide what to do," Shawn suggested. "I know where we can get some coconuts," he pointed over his shoulder with his thumb, "and I can tell you guys already found other fruit too."

"Sounds good to me," Bridgette smiled.

/

The scene flashed forward, showing the five teens sitting around the fire Alejandro had built earlier that day, eating and looking relaxed.

"And _that_ ," Jo finished with a smug smile, "is the story of how I won my first triathlon."

"Really?" Alejandro said skeptically. "I find it hard to believe that your rival was foiled by a _yo-yo_ of all things."

"Pfft, like your _circus_ story made any more sense," Lightning scoffed. "Now if you wanna hear somethin' _real_ good, lemme tell you how I won _three_ championship titles in _one_ day!"

"Uhhh.," Shawn interrupted, standing up and craning his head around as he peered over the treetops. "Is it just me, or is there more _smoke_ coming from over there?" Both the camera and the other campers followed his pointing figure, verifying the existence of a faint plume of smoke billowing far in the distance.

"The rescue team?" Alejandro said first.

"Camp?" Bridgette said second.

"As long as it isn't McLean _punking_ us again," Jo added.

"You're _all_ wrong!" Lightning said, pushing the others apart and to the side in his excitement. "That's _gotta_ be the finish line!" The other four looked at him with a mixture of annoyance and disbelief. "And _Lightning's_ gonna be the first to cross it, so later losers!" before they could get back to their feet, he had run off.

"Oh, no you don't!" Jo said, scrambling into a run after him.

"On the off-chance that it _is_ where we're expected to go...," Alejandro trailed off before he too took off toward the smoke. Bridgette and Shawn shared a glance, and followed shortly after.

/

The music picked up as the camera followed Lightning as he ran through the Canadian jungle. He looked back over his shoulder and frowned, then began grabbing whatever sticks, fruit, and random objects he could reach and throwing them behind him. The camera quick-panned to the right to show Jo dodging things not too far behind, and panned again to show Alejandro, Bridgette, and Shawn catching up.

The music peaked as Lightning burst out from the bushes, surprising Chris and Chef. "Oh yeah," he cheered, "Lightning got here first! I win the challenge, I win the challenge!" he sang, dancing like he'd just scored a touchdown. The other four campers emerged not long after, with Jo looking particularly angry.

"Hey guys," Chris said with a quickly-donned smile, "it's about _time_ you showed up!"

"Hey, I won the challenge, right?" Lightning asked excitedly. "We were supposed to get back here first, right?"

The host shrugged. " _Ehhhhh_ , not _really_ ," he explained. "I kinda just wanted to see what you guys would do if you thought you were stranded on a _deserted island_ for the day. Figured I'd just pick you all up later and go from there."

"So you mean I did all that for _nothi_ _n'_ _?_ " the overachiever exclaimed, getting a happy nod from the host. "Man, this _bites_. Where _are_ we, anyway?"

"It's our production crew's _secret_ location," Chris explained as the camera panned around the area, showing a truck, the tent, and the buffet table, as well as the helicopter parked in the background and a bear eating a sandwich. The campers gasped, and the host continued in annoyance. "Or _was_ a secret until now."

"So what the heck was with the _T. rex_ skull, and that monster _goos_ _e_ _?_ " Shawn asked in disbelief.

Chris chuckled. "Oh, those were just left over from a dinosaur movie set."

"So we were out there _all day_ ," Alejandro said, his temper rising, "thinking we were _stranded_ , while _you two_ were only a few hundred feet away?!"

It began to rain again, to the five teens' dismay. "Yeah, pretty much!" Chris said happily as he and Chef retreated into their trailer. " _Sorry_ , I'd invite you in, but there's only room for _seven_ ," he told them unapologetically. "See you at the campfire tonight!"

He slammed the trailer door shut, and the gaping campers looked from it to the thundering sky above.

/

The footage cut forward to the campfire ceremony, the usual music playing over the usual distance shot of the island. " _Weeelllll_ ," Chris opened stretching his back, "it's been a grueling day, campers. Frankly, Chef and I are _worn ou_ _t_ _!_ I hope you've learned two valuable lessons. First, always make sure your cabins are securely fastened to the ground. And second, the 'every camper for themselves' idea? _Sucks_. Five heads are _always_ better than one."

The shot finally cut to the campers, showing Lightning rolling his eyes and the other glaring at him. "Which brings us to yet another dramatic marshmallow ceremony," the host continued as he brought out his plate of four treats. "Alejandro," he called out with the accompanying tosses, "Jo, Shawn." The three caught their prizes, leaving the surfer and the uber-jock waiting.

"Bridgette, despite bossing the others around today your niceness makes you a threat," Chris explained to the nervous surfer, the final marshmallow pinched between his fingers. "And Lightning, your recklessness nearly got _everyone_ caught in a forest fire." The host's expression became much more serious as he continued. "Seriously, dude, _I_ could've been caught in that fire. You're lucky Bridgette was thinking quickly and got the others to put it out."

Lightning scoffed and crossed his arms.

"You're _out_ , dude."

Upon hearing Chris' words, the overachiever's eyes popped open and his jaw gaped. "You're _kiddin'_ me!" he exclaimed. "You mean I got voted out _agai_ _n_ _?!_ "

"Yup," the host nodded gravely. "The Dock of Shame's that way," he gestured behind him, "but you already _know_ that."

" _Fine_ ," the uber-jock said, getting up with a stomp. "Looks like the rest of you are _still_ jealous of the _greatness_ that is sha-Lightning. I'm sha- _outta_ here!" The host and four remaining campers watched as he kissed his biceps one final time, then calmly walked down to the docks.

"Well then," Chris addressed the teens still seated, "congratulations on making it to the Final Four. I'll see you all tomorrow. Good night." An ominous beat of music played as he smiled devilishly, then left them to themselves.

The four briefly exchanged a wary look, but it quickly faded into resolve.

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is the long-awaited Camp Castaways elimination, aka Lightning goes home again. He's a super fun character to write, but it was his time. Again.
> 
> Not much else to say. The 'challenge' is a pretty fun one, even if kinda, uh, cruel in practice. It's a very good way to reflect the mental states of the remaining contestants. Also, I still don't know crap about fighting fires, so if anything regarding that in this chapter is wrong or bad... blame past me for writing what seemed reasonable to her at the time.
> 
> As always, let me know what you thought and I'll see you all next time!
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (RETURNED)
> 
> Ezekiel - (21st Place)
> 
> Sugar - (20th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (RETURNED)
> 
> Amy - (RETURNED)
> 
> Scott - (19th Place)
> 
> Beth - (18th Place)
> 
> Sierra - (17th Place)
> 
> Topher - (16th Place)
> 
> Sam - (15th Place)
> 
> Beardo - (14th Place)
> 
> Dawn - (13th Place)
> 
> Amy - (12th Place)
> 
> Geoff - (11th Place)
> 
> Dakota - (10th Place)
> 
> DJ - (9th Place)
> 
> B - (8th Place)
> 
> Sammy - (7th Place)
> 
> Scarlett - (6th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (5th Place)


	24. Are We There Yeti?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, this chapter was originally posted December 31st, 2014, a little bit after the first Ridonculous Race cast reveals. How time has flied.
> 
> For those who want a reminder, the remaining contestants are as follows:
> 
> Girls \- Bridgette, Jo
> 
> Boys \- Alejandro, Shawn
> 
> \- Fangren

Rather than the standard establishing shot at the docks, the episode began straight into the recap footage. "Last week, on Total Drama Island," the voice of Chef Hatchet began quickly as the girls were shown drifting down the water on their bunk bed, before they – and Lightning, once he opened the door of the floating cabin – were shown falling in, "the _good-for-nothin'_ campers got swept away by a rainstorm that left them stranded on a deserted island." Four of the campers were shown wandering onto the beach after the cabin had hit land. "Meanwhile, the _scruffy_ one," Shawn was shown making his own landfall then encountering the _T. rex_ skeleton prop, "drifted ashore in his outhouse and got scared by some fake dinosaur bones."

"The sporto ran off, and the surfer chick built a raft," Lightning's departure was shown and followed by Bridgette's, "which left the mouthy girl and the pretty boy to fend for themselves." Jo was shown retreating into her treehouse, and Alejandro was shown building a fire before Chef continued.

"Somehow, they all ended up back together once the sporto set the treehouse on fire," the events directly proceeding the blaze were shown quickly, as well as Bridgette leading the others in their efforts to fight it. "Once they put it _out_ , they decided to go find out who was makin' the _other_ fire," Lightning was shown running off again with the others not far behind, "but all they _found_ was the secret location of our production crew camp." The five teens arriving at the hidden location was shown, as was the pan across the site itself.

The recap ended, cutting to Chef Hatchet standing alone in his kitchen. "Oh, and sporto got the boot for nearly gettin' us all killed. Now, since Chris is off hostin' some _frou-frou_ award show," he said in a grumpily mocking tone, "I got stuck doin' the recap _and_ fillin' in as host. But guess _what_ ," he angrily brandished a cleaver, "I ain't happy about it _eith_ _er_ _!_ So sit back," he took a monstrous goose egg out from behind his back, " _shut up_ , and watch tonight's episode of! Total!" he brought the cleaver down on the egg and cracked it, "Drama!" he brought it down again, and the cracks spread, " _Islan_ _d_ _!_ " he brought it down a third time, and parts of the shell finally broke off.

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

A serene melody accompanied a shot of the sun cresting over the forested hills of Wawanakwa, before the scene cut to Shawn, sleeping in what appeared to be a bed for once. He was lying on his side with his hands sandwiched between his head and his pillow, and a small puddle of drool had formed in front of his mouth. A bird came to drink from it, then the focus shifted to Jo, also sleeping in a bed, a fly buzzing around her exposed ear. She unconsciously tried to swat it, but it was soon eaten by a frog which had jumped onto her shoulder.

The focus changed again, this time showing Alejandro resting peacefully. A squirrel poked an inquisitive head up from behind him, then leaped to the front. It waggled its tail in curiosity as it looked around off-camera, which caused Alejandro to sneeze and scare the squirrel away. One last focus shift showed Bridgette sleeping soundly, until a butterfly flitted into view and landed on her nose. She reflexively tried to brush it off but failed.

It was snapped up by a long tongue as a frog jumped down from above, landing on her face and startling her awake before jumping off. "Wha-what?" she said, quickly bolting up. "Where _are_ we?" The camera pulled back to show the four campers asleep in their bunk beds, boys on the left and girls on the right.

"How did I get in this _be_ _d_ _?_ " Shawn added in alarm.

"How did we get _he_ _re_ _?!_ " Alejandro said with a twinge of panic.

" _McLe_ _an_ _!_ " Jo shouted, shaking her fist at the sky in anger.

The sound of a helicopter drowned out their cries and pulled their attention upward. "EVERYBODY JUST _SHUT_ _UP_ _!_ " Chef yelled, swooping down on a rope ladder. "HOW YOU GOT HERE IS _NOT_ YOUR CONCERN!" He touched down on the ground then gave the off-screen pilot a thumbs up, signaling the helicopter to leave.

"Where's _Chri_ _s_ _?_ " Shawn asked in confusion.

"None of your gosh-darn _business_ where Chris is," Chef told him harshly. " _I'm_ in charge now, and _I'm_ gonna make you wish you were never _born_." He grinned darkly and shook his fist as he approached the four teens. " _Your_ mission is to find your way _out_ of the forest, or _die_ tryin'!" he explained, looming menacingly over a perplexed Alejandro.

" _Seriou_ _sly_ _?!_ " Bridgette exclaimed. "We _barely_ survived the _last_ time we were alone in the wilderness!"

xxx

" _Real_ creative, McLean," Jo growled in the confessional. "I've had _enough_ of being stuck alone in the woods with the others!"

xxx

"Here's how it works," Chef barked with a duffel bag in each hand. "Team One, Lady-killer and Scruffy," he tossed the first bag to Alejandro and Shawn. "Team Two," he tossed the other bag to Bridgette and Jo, "Sporty and Sportier. Everything you _need_ is in these bags. You'll navigate your way north to base camp. The first team to tag the camp _totem pole_ wins. And here's a tip," he added matter-of-factly, "better set up camp before sundown, because once _night_ fall hits, you won't even see your _tremblin'_ hand in front of your _terrified_ face." He mockingly shook his hand in front of his own face as Shawn started to look worried.

"Unless," Chef added, "you got _night-vision goggle_ s," he held up a pair with a grin, "but you don't," he finished with a high-pitched cackle. The boys shared a nervous look, then Alejandro rushed forward.

" _Please_ ," he said as he got to his knees and grabbed the larger man's apron, "don't _leave_ us out here again! I can't take another _second_ away from civilization!"

"Grab a hold of your gut, soldier!" Chef barked, pushing Alejandro away.

xxx

"Is it just me," Bridgette said with a suspicious look, "or was _Alejandro_ just trying to play _Che_ _f_ _?_ I know he's pretty high-maintenance, but I _can't_ imagine he'd beg so _easily_..."

xxx

"Are you _kiddin_ _g_ _?!_ " Shawn exclaimed, grabbing his hair in panic. "We're gonna get eaten alive out here, if not by _zombies_ then by _be_ _ars_ _!_ "

"Oh, I don't _think_ so," Chef said in an oddly reassuring tone. "You'll wish it was either of those things once you meet up with _ol' Sasquatchanakw_ _a_ _!_ " he told the group with a dark smile. "He's one _mean_ mama-jama!" The sound of a propeller and a kicked-up dust cloud announced the return of the helicopter. Bridgette gasped as Chef grabbed onto the hanging rope ladder with one last cry of "Good luck, troops! Try not to die!"

The campers watched in shock as he was carried off, gasping when a pair of metal hooks dropped down and latched onto their bunk beds. Their last source of comfort gone, the four were left alone with the clothes on their backs and the bags they'd been given.

"Get _back_ here, you oversized grease-jockey!" Jo shouted angrily while her teammate rummaged through their bag, smiling when she pulled out a compass.

"We _both_ know that isn't gonna happen," Alejandro told her. "But hey, if you want to waste time here, then I guess _we_ have no choice but to get _ahead_." He grabbed their bag and laughed as he ran into the woods, Shawn following after a moment's confusion.

Jo pursed her lips and began to chase after. "Whoa, hold on a minute!" Bridgette said, grabbing her arm and holding her back. "If you just _run off_ like they did, you're only gonna get us lost!"

"You _want_ them to get ahead?!" the jock-ette reeled on her in disbelief.

"No," Bridgette said defensively, "I just think we should figure out where we're _going_ fist." She held out the compass, and Jo's anger and annoyance rapidly faded into a smirk.

xxx

"Even though I could get back faster by myself," Jo told the outhouse camera, "keeping someone _slower_ than me around isn't a bad idea if a _bear_ starts to chase us."

xxx

"His smell aside," Alejandro confessed, "Shawn makes a good partner for this challenge. Not only does he have a number of useful skills, but after evading them so many times I'm _certain_ that any bears we encounter will go for him first."

xxx

/

The footage cut to Alejandro and Shawn sprinting through an unremarkable patch of woods. "Do you have any idea where you're going?" the survivalist called out. "Because I'm pretty sure we've never _been_ in this part of the island."

The charmer skidded to a halt, prompting his partner to do the same. "Not really," he explained, "I just wanted to get moving quickly. With any luck, it will have sparked Jo's _over-competitive_ nature and caused problems for her and Bridgette."

"Well I don't think they _followed_ us," Shawn said with a glance behind him.

Alejandro shrugged. "No matter. We've put some distance between us, so we should be able to plan in private. Let's see what we have to work with..."

He spilled the contents of their bag onto the ground: a sleeping bag, a can of bug spray, a pair of binoculars, and a map. "Not bad," Shawn remarked, "only thing missing is a compass."

"And _food_ ," Alejandro added as his partner picked up the map.

"Nah," Shawn said, tapping the side of his head with a single finger, "I got that covered. This island's got a lot to offer to someone who knows their _flora_."

"Good to hear...," the handsome boy murmured unenthusiastically.

"I don't suppose you remember what direction the sun rose from this morning, do you?" the shorter boy asked, scratching his head and looking from the map to his partner.

"Sadly, no," Alejandro replied with a shake of his head. "We'll have to find some _other_ way of determining north."

"Hrmm," Shawn scrunched up his face and looked at the trees around them. "I guess I could climb up and see if I can spot landmark? That might take too much time, though, and we can't exactly keep moving once it's dark."

"We can with _these_ ," Alejandro told him with a devilish smile as he revealed a pair of night-vision goggles.

"Wait, did you steal those from _C_ _hef_ _?_ " Shawn asked in mild alarm. "Isn't he, y'know, gonna be pretty _ticked o_ _ff_ _?_ "

The charmer shrugged. "Nothing I can't handle. Besides, we need to make sure we get back before the girls, and these will make our task _much_ easier."

" _True_ ," Shawn admitted. "I guess I'll go up and have a look around, then. Here," he told his partner, picking up the pair of binoculars and holding out the map, "take this."

Alejandro accepted, and while his teammate began to shimmy up a thick-trunked tree he began to puzzle over the map himself. His eyes – and the camera – focused on the compass rose, with north pointing down to coincide with the campground's marked location. Holding onto that image, the scene transitioned to an actual compass in the same position.

/

The shot of the compass rotated and pulled out to show it still in the hand of Bridgette. "Camp is north," she said, "so as long as we follow to the river we should get back there without trouble. As long as we don't run into _Sasquatchanakw_ a, at least."

Jo rolled her eyes and hefted their bag. "You just worry about _keeping up_ ," she said as she jogged past her partner.

xxx

"I'm not afraid of any _sasquatches_ ," Jo scoffed, her arms folded in contempt. "If people like _Cowboy Cool_ and _Sweet-Talk Al_ can handle one, then so can I! Heck, I'd send it _run_ _ning_ _!_ Come to think of it," she pondered while scratching her chin, "didn't I shoot one with a _tranq-dart_ a little while ago?"

xxx

The girls were shown jogging from afar and from the viewpoint of something watching from a bush. An ominous tune played over the unseen watcher's deep and animalistic breaths as it ducked away, and the footage faded ahead.

"Come on, Blondie, pick up the pace!" the jock-ette called in annoyance, jogging in-place a few yards ahead of her partner.

"Would it kill you to _relax_ for once?" Bridgette shot back, the buzz of insects just audible in the background. "We don't need to push ourselves _that_ hard to win, not when the guys ran off in the wrong direction at the start."

"That's _loser_ talk!" Jo countered. "For all we know, the guys could be halfway _there_ by now! Besides, the sooner we get back to camp, the sooner we can get away from these _frickin'_ mosquitoes!" She paused a moment to swat the air a few times.

xxx

"I don't know if having Chris around would be _better_ or _worse_ ," Bridgette told the outhouse camera. "If nothing else, he probably _wouldn't_ force us to trek through the woods again."

xxx

"You better enjoy your day off while it _lasts_ , McLean!" Jo angrily shouted in the confessional. "Because I have a few things I wanna _say_ to you when you get back. Oh, and one more thing," she added, "your steroid-using _sideki_ _ck_ _?_ Yeah, he didn't actually _do_ anything the whole time you were gone!"

xxx

/

The scene moved to a shot of the sun high in a clear sky before panning down to the docks, where Chef lay on his back. He was wearing only a pair of purple swim trunks, and was reading a book in french. "Pardon, monsieur, où est la bibliothèque?" he said to himself with a chuckle.

/

Shawn was shown clinging to the top of a tree, looking out at the surrounding landscape with his team's binoculars. The view looking through them was shown, filled with rolling hills and tall trees. The view lingered on a hint of a river running through the island, before moving on to the left and quickly locking on to what looked like the crest of a very high cliff. The viewpoint shifted back to Shawn as he lowered his binoculars and smiled.

The footage flashed forward to Shawn landing on his feet near Alejandro, who was still studying their map. "I found the thousand-foot high cliff," the survivalist announced, gaining his partner's undivided attention. "It's pretty far away, but since it's on the western edge of the island we at least know that north is in _that_ direction," he pointed a little bit to the left of the camera.

"Good work," Alejandro told him, waving the shorter boy over to look at the map again. "In that case, we should be able to take the river all the way back to camp. I don't suppose you saw _it_ as well?"

"Uh, a bit of it, yeah," Shawn answered. "Come on, it should be this way." He motioned for his partner to follow as he dashed off into the woods. Alejandro quickly folded up the map and followed after.

/

Another flash forward showed the boys running along, the duffel bag in Alejandro's hands while Shawn had, for some unspoken reason, picked up a load of vines. They came to a sudden stop when the taller young man came upon some bushes, signaling his partner to stop and hide. Shawn did so, and together they peered through the foliage to spot Jo and Bridgette, speaking by the riverside.

"Why can't we just build a _raft_ , and take the river back?" the watersports enthusiast said. "It runs right by camp!"

"But if we waste time building one," the jock-ette countered, "the guys'll get ahead of us for sure!"

"We can easily make up the time, though!" Bridgette responded.

The boys pulled back from their hiding spot and turned to each other. "While they _argue_ ," Alejandro whispered, "we should take the time to _really_ put some distance between us and them, agreed?"

" _Way_ ahead of you," Shawn grinned, placing the vines he'd gathered on the ground. "All we need is some good logs and we can probably whip up a raft in no time!"

"Great work, once again!" Alejandro told him with a grin. The two guys quickly went to work, splitting up with Shawn circling back the way they'd came while Alejandro lingered around where he could eavesdrop on the girls.

" _Look_ ," he heard Jo say, "the compass says _that's_ north, so we should just cut _across_ the river, so we don't have to waste time making something to carry us _and_ meandering down it."

" _Fine_ ," he heard Bridgette sigh in resignation. "Have it your way. But we should at least _try_ to gather supplies as we go along, okay?"

" _Deal_ ," Jo replied tersely. "Now let's get going." Alejandro listened as the two young women finally ran off, then peaked into the spot they'd been and saw that it was empty. He grinned, then began to gather a few small logs that had been lying around.

The footage skipped forward again, now showing the boys as they assembled their raft from the logs and vines they'd gathered.

"So," Shawn said as he pulled a vine taut, "you've already met Sasquatchanakwa before, think it'll give us any trouble?"

"Hard to say," Alejandro answered, not looking his partner in the eye while he worked on the opposite end of their vessel.

xxx

"In truth," the handsome young man confessed, "I am still... _uncertain_ as to whether what I encountered that challenge was really a sasquatch,"

As he spoke, the scene rippled to the relevant footage from the merge episode, when Alejandro's final task was to spend ten seconds in a large crate with what was allegedly the mythical beast in question. "It was too _dark_ to see exactly what was in there," he explained over the faded footage, "so it's possible it was something else. Not like I'd tell _Shawn_ that, of course," he said as the footage cut back to him in the outhouse. "He's too easily scared as it is, and I need him in top form if we are to win this challenge!"

xxx

"Although if it's the same one as last time," Alejandro continued his answer as the scene moved back to the riverside, "we shouldn't have a problem. I managed to calm it down _very_ quickly."

"Good to hear it," Shawn said as he tied off his end of the raft. "And since zombies can't exactly _swim_ very well, we should be safe for the rest of the trip back!"

"It certainly seems that way!" Alejandro agreed as he finished up his end and the two young men pushed their raft into the river.

/

The scene cut to the end of the Dock of Shame, the camera looking in at camp and flying in towards the cabins as a tense melody began to play. The scene cut inside, showing Chef bent over and rummaging around – he picked up a surfboard, then smiled. A flash, and he was shown reaching under a pillow on a top bunk, and pulling out a whistle. Another flash, and he picked up a small pink-and-green jar from another bunk.

/

The girls were shown jogging along the river when Jo's stomach rumbled. "We should probably take a break," Bridgette said behind her, earning an annoyed glare from the jock-ette. "Unless you _want_ to keep going on an empty stomach!" the surfer added coolly.

Jo pursed her lips, but another rumble forced her to stop. "Uggh, have it your way," she grunted, dropping their bag on the ground and sitting down on a rock. "We'd better be _quick_ about it, though."

"Of course," Bridgette sighed as they opened the duffel bag and took out an energy bar each.

"Y'know," Jo said as they began to eat, "you stick with me, and I bet we can go all the way to the finale together."

"Oh _real_ _ly_ _?_ " the surfer replied, her tone skeptical with a hint of offense. "What, are you saying I don't have what it takes without _y_ _ou_ _?_ "

"Well it's not like either of the _guys_ are gonna be on your side after this," the jock-ette countered. Seeing her teammate raise an eyebrow, Jo continued. "I mean, you know how _guys_ are, they're probably bonding as we speak! Especially since one of them is _Al_ , you can't trust _anybody_ around that guy!"

/

The shot quickly cut away to the two boys sitting on their raft, floating downstream. Shawn farted, causing Alejandro to wretch. " _Must_ you do that _now_ _?!_ " he exclaimed, pinching his nose and waving a hand in front of his face.

"Well it's not like I have much of a _choice_ ," Shawn countered. "Better to do it now, while we're on the water, then try to hold it in until later. That's just _asking_ for it to alert every zombie for miles, and I am _not_ gonna get eaten tonight."

Alejandro groaned, and palmed his face.

/

"Like I said," Jo told Bridgette, "us girls need to stick together!"

Bridgette rolled her eyes, then opened them in shock when she spotted the buys floating by on the river. Alejandro and Shawn waved silently as they passed through the shot, and the young women looked at each other in a renewed panic. "Oh crap," they exclaimed in unison, "they're getting away!"

xxx

"I _knew_ we should've built a raft!" Bridgette told the confessional camera in frustration. "Why did I _listen_ to her!"

xxx

/

A campy tune comprised mostly of whistling, a tuba, and drums began to play in the background over a montage of the two teams over the course of the afternoon. Alejandro and Shawn were shown first, rafting down the river. The camera quick-panned ahead of them, showing Jo standing at the top of a small cliff with a boulder. She pushed it into the river below and the guys quickly crashed into it, destroying their raft and sending both them and their bag flying. They washed up on the shore moments later, the pair of them still face-down. Bridgette entered the scene, and hesitantly began to search through their bag. She pulled out the can of aerosol bug spray just as the two young men began to stir, and she darted back out of sight. Shawn got back to his feet first, shaking Alejandro awake and grabbing their bag none the wiser.

A flash forward to the next clip had Bridgette and Jo making their way through the forest quickly. They paused when Jo spotted a duffel bag lying on the ground. Smirking, she motioned for Bridgette to follow and the two young women approached the discarded bag. The camera focused in on their feet as they started to pass between two bushes; a vine that was lying along the ground suddenly raised and became taut, tripping the girls and sending their own bag flying out of Jo's hands. Alejandro and Shawn popped their heads out of the bushes, the charmer quickly rummaging through the girl's property and grabbing a lighter while Shawn picked up their own bag, the bait for their trap.

The next clip had Bridgette mashing several red and blue berries between her hands, then smearing them on Jo's face so the jock-ette looked somewhat like a corpse. After a bit of practice shambling and groaning about, the girls crept over to where the guys appeared to be taking a break – Shawn was sitting at the base of a tree reading their map, while Alejandro walked off into the bushes by himself. Jo's moans alerted the zombie conspiracy theorist, who shrieked and dashed up the tree, leaving the map behind. Jo barked in laughter and snatched it up, then ran off.

The scene changed again, now showing a close-up of a pile of sticks and leaves on the ground. It pulled back, showing not only a few mounds of dirt around it but Alejandro and Shawn adding more material as well, then dashing off. Moments later the girls ran into the shot, falling into the hidden pit without fail. Alejandro quickly dashed over to where Bridgette and Jo's bag teetered on the edge of the hole, retrieving their compass and tossing the bag down to them with a devilish smirk.

/

The tune faded along with the previous scene, and the moonlit night was shown through the trees. A colony of bats flew across the scene, and the camera cut to Jo and Bridgette; their pace had slowed due to the map they had stolen and were now consulting.

"I guess there's not much we can do other than keep following the river," Bridgette said as Jo lowered the map and the two resumed walking.

"I can't believe we let them get the compass _and_ the lighter!" Jo griped. "And if _you_ hadn't been wringing your _hand_ s all day, we could've gotten all our stuff back and more!"

"Well _sorry_ for not wanting to _stoop_ to that level," Bridgette shot back. "I feel bad about stealing from them enough as it is. Besides, you fell for their tricks just as much as I did."

Jo rolled her eyes and the pair continued in silence until Jo spotted something on the ground and held her hand out for Bridgette to stop. The camera panned down to a trail of large human-like footprints in the dirt, then went back up to show the girls exchanging a smirk.

"Oh, no!" Bridgette exclaimed in an over-the-top fashion. " _Sasquatchanakwa_ must be nearby! We should be _careful_ , right Jo?" She nodded at her teammate as the two noticed a rustling bush nearby.

"Like there's anything to worry about!" Jo declared loudly, eyes locked onto the bush as she tiptoed towards it. "Not when _I_...," she paused and prepared to pounce, "...can see right _through_ you!" she said quickly, springing into the bush.

An animalistic growl issued from it, and seconds later none other than Sasquatchanakwa rose up from it with Jo hanging around its neck in an attempted sleeper hold.

"Oh crap!" Bridgette screamed, pointing at the clearly-panicked beast. "Jo, get out of there!"

"What?" the jock-ette replied in confusion, only then realizing what she had tackled. She hollered in panic, and so did the Sasquatchanakwa. Bridgette, who had picked up the bag that Jo had left behind, soon lost her nerve and ran, the bigfoot following more out of blind panic than anything else, and with Jo still barely clinging onto it.

/

The scene cut over to the guys, Alejandro leading the way with the compass while Shawn took up the rear, looking around through the nightvision goggles. "Not a zombie," he muttered as his gaze passed over an owl which hooted at him, "not a zombie," he repeated as he saw a squirrel storing a nut in a tree hollow, "not a zombie," he said again as he watched a raccoon catching a fish in a small pool, "not a zombie," he droned as he spotted the Sasquatchanakwa and Jo running towards him, both still yelling and the former flailing its arms. He looked away briefly before snapping back to the approaching group.

"On second thought," he announced as the point-of-view moved back to him and Alejandro, " _R_ _UN_ _!_ " He bolted in panic and ran past his partner, who gasped in alarm as he looked back, then ran away in terror as well. Bridgette was shown following them, with the sasquatch and jock-ette on the tail end of the chase.

/

The guys were shown running into a cave in their panic, the camera following them in.

"Shawn?" the charmer called out to the darkness, only his eyes visible in the upper left part of the screen.

"Alejandro?" the surfer answered suddenly, her eyes appearing in the lower right.

"Bridgette?" the survivalist added with a hint of confusion, eyes opening in the lower left.

"Shawn?" the surfer replied.

"Bridgette?" the jock-ette asked in another sudden appearance, her eyes in the upper right.

"Jo?" the blonde called back.

"Jo?" the scruffy boy repeated.

"Shawn?" the jock-ette shot back with a tinge of annoyance.

"Ah," Alejandro interrupted, "I think we've established that we're _all_ here, thank you. More importantly, what are we going to _d_ _o_ _?_ " A pair of red eyes opened in the middle of their group.

"Just let _me_ have another go," Jo suggested, "I can take him easy!"

"Weren't _you_ screaming like the rest of us?" Bridgette told her partner.

"Only because I was _surpr_ _ised_ _!_ " Jo defended. "Next time the only one _screaming_ will be the _sasquat_ _ch_ _!_ "

"Well as long as we stay here, we should be safe," Alejandro told the others.

"Uh, no we won't?" Shawn countered as countless smaller sets of red eyes opened around them. "If a zombie shows up, we're sitting _ducks_ in here!"

"Umm, sorry to interrupt," Bridgette said as a distinct chittering squeak began to fill the cave air, "but _please_ tell me the thing on my shoulder is Alejandro's hand?"

"...It is most certainly _not_ ," the tall boy said nervously.

Bridgette's eyes went wide. "Then that must mean... _ba_ _ts_ _!_ " At her cry, the camera cut back to the mouth they'd entered the cave from. Sasquatchanakwa came out running, roaring in fear as it left the cave. The camera panned to the left, showing a second opening similar to the first, from which Bridgette, Jo, Shawn, and Alejandro came running and screaming along with their respective bags and a large colony of bats.

/

The four teens stopped to catch their breath at a tree a fair distance from the cave, Bridgette and Alejandro still holding on to their respective team's supplies. "Okay," Bridgette panted, "I do _not_ wanna have to deal with an angry sasquatch tonight."

"Agreed," Alejandro replied, "I don't want to deal with an angry sasquatch _ev_ _er_ _!_ " A familiar snarl behind them caught the four's attention, and they quickly moved on.

/

The scene cut to Chef, sitting alone in the middle of the amphitheater stage strumming a large golden harp and singing a wordless melody. A cloud of small insects swarmed around him and one inadvertently flew into his open mouth, putting a temporary halt on the performance. With a deep snort and gurgle Chef hocked up a loogie containing the offending insect, spitting it onto the floor before he resumed playing.

/

"Okay, look," Bridgette told the others, slowing down as they came to another large tree. "We're all pretty freaked out right now, so why don't we just camp together for the night, and resume the race in the morning?"

"Excuse me?!" Jo exclaimed, turning around to face her partner. "I'm not gonna sleep in the same campsite as _th_ _em_ _!_ " she motioned to the guys. "And _besides_ , we can still keep going!"

"Maybe _you_ can keep going," Bridgette countered with a glare and a flaring temper, "but _I'm_ tired, and _I'm_ gonna make camp for the night! And don't think for a _second_ that Chef will be happy if you come back alone."

"For what it's worth," Alejandro interrupted, "I'm fine sharing with you two tonight. What about you, amigo?"

Shawn looked around uncertainly. "Uhh, I guess that's fine with me? We'll have to work pretty fast, though, since it's already kinda dark."

"That's three votes for it," Bridgette told her partner smugly.

Jo looked around, frowned, then threw up her hands in frustration. "Fine! Have it _your_ way! If I don't have a choice in this, then I guess I'll just go get some firewood!"

"I'll come with you," Shawn offered while putting the night-vision goggles back on, getting no response as Jo stomped off into the woods.

"Then I guess we should get started setting up?" Alejandro suggested.

"Yup," Bridgette answered tersely.

xxx

"If that's how it's gonna be," Jo told the confession camera, her anger fading into a devilish smile, "then at least I know how to turn it to our _advantage_. The boys won't know what hit 'em!" She rubbed her hands together and chuckled.

xxx

They're _up_ to something," Alejandro said, rubbing his chin while he voiced his suspicions. "Bridgette can _not_ still be so naïve as to trust me while we're on opposing teams. Still," he shrugged, "I may as well play along. For _now_ ," he finished with a dark smile.

xxx

"It's not that I _trust_ Alejandro not to try anything," Bridgette admitted in the outhouse, "it's just that I honestly don't care that much anymore. I have a good idea of where we are, so as long as Jo and I wake up first – which should be easy, considering _Jo_ – then we'll be fine even if they _do_ steal the rest of our supplies."

xxx

/

The scene flashed forward, showing the moon above before panning down to the campers and their campfire. Bridgette yawned and stretched her arms, then slid the girls' bag over to her. "I'm going to sleep," she announced, laying down on the ground with the bag as her pillow. Jo, still sitting by the fire, rolled her eyes at her partner but couldn't help but yawn as well.

"Yup, I'm gonna head up as well," Shawn added, walking straight towards the tree they were set under.

Alejandro, who was leaning against the trunk, stopped his partner as the survivalist began to climb. "If you can stand staying up for a while longer," he whispered with a watchful eye on their competition, "I'd like you to wake me up after Jo falls asleep."

Shawn shrugged. "I'll see what I can do," he told his teammate before shimmying up the tree.

Alejandro smiled, then looked back across the fire at Jo. "As tired as I am," the handsome boy said, "I suppose I have no choice but to trust you to watch the fire."

"Don't worry," Jo shot back, "I'm not gonna let it get outta hand."

"Then good night," Alejandro told her with one last smile before yawning, putting his hands between his head and the tree, and falling asleep.

Jo waited a few moments, then grinned and stood up.

/

The footage flashed forward, showing Jo quietly zipping up the girls' supply bag. She doused the fire, then laid down against a log to sleep. The camera panned up to the branches of the tree, which rustled briefly before a pinecone fell and hit Alejandro in the head.

The charmer quickly shook himself awake, then grinned devilishly at Jo's sleeping form. The shot zoomed in on her face and lingered as night faded into day and the jock-ette was shaken awake by her partner's hand.

"Wake _up_ already!" Bridgette commanded, panic rising in her voice as she shook her partner. "The guys already left, and they've taken all our stuff!"

" _Imposs_ _ible_ _!_ " Jo shouted, immediately bolting to her feet. "I made sure to steal everything _they_ had after they went to sleep last night!" She looked over at Bridgette, who was holding up their obviously empty bag.

"I don't know _how_ ," the surfer said, "but when I woke up it was already flat as a pancake!"

"Darn it!" Jo stomped, grabbing the bag and feeling it herself. "Come on, we have to catch up!"

"It should be this way!" Bridgette announced, pointing past Jo. The jock-ette immediately turned and broke into a run, the surfer close behind.

/

The scene cut to Alejandro and Shawn, also taking a quick pace through the forest. The charmer had an overstuffed duffel bag slung over his shoulder, while the survivalist led the way with the compass.

xxx

"Stealing resources from another group of potential survivors isn't really my _thing_ ," Shawn admitted in the confessional, "but I wasn't exactly in a position to stop Al. They made it through the night, though, so they _should_ be fine getting back to camp."

xxx

Alejandro began his confessional by laughing. "I would _love_ to have seen the look on Jo's face when she realized I outsmarted her. She really should have known better, but I suppose not _everyone_ can think as far ahead as me."

xxx

/

"I can't believe I let a _guy_ get one over on me!" Jo growled as she and Bridgette ran at top speed. "This never woulda happened if _you_ hadn't decided to make camp with the enemy!"

"Hey," Bridgette shot back, " _you_ were the one who _slept in_ this morning, not me! And besides-" her train of thought was derailed when she caught a whiff of something on the wind. "Wait, do you _smell_ that?"

Jo quirked an eyebrow, and took a deep whiff of the scent floating around her. "Hey, yeah! But who the heck is making _sticky bun_ _s_ _?_ "

/

A lilting melody began to play as the shot cut over to the main campgrounds, the camera focusing in on the mess hall before cutting to a close-up of an oven door – a tray of sticky buns visible inside. Chef opened it with a puff of steam and took the pastries out. "Mmm," he said as he gave them a hungry look, "that's some _oven lovin'_."

/

The scene moved back to the girls. "Wait a minute," Jo said in sudden realization, and the two young women exclaimed " _Ch_ _ef_ _!_ " in unison. They immediately changed course to follow the scent back to its source.

/

Another flash took the shot back to Chef as the hulking man took his tray of sticky buns to an Adirondack chair near the camp totem pole. He licked his lips in anticipation, but before he could start eating a cry gained his attention.

"We're almost there!" Shawn exclaimed off-screen,

"Aww, crap...," Chef muttered, his face falling.

The camera finally changed the focus over to the campers, the guys closing in fast until the girls burst through some bushes and caught up. "Not so _f_ _ast_ _!_ " Jo countered as her and Bridgette began running alongside Shawn and Alejandro for a brief moment before pulling ahead to the boys' astonishment.

"Not today!" Alejandro declared, heaving the bag of supplies into the air. The footage slowed down as Jo noticed the object flying towards her, unable to dodge aside before it slammed into her legs, causing her to stumble; Bridgette, who had been keeping a steady pace behind her teammate, was similarly unable to save herself from tripping over the fallen jock-ette.

The footage sped back up, and the guys quickly touched the totem pole then shared a high-five. "Darn it!" Jo shouted in frustration, pounding the ground as her partner groaned beside her.

"Quit your _bellyach_ _in'_ _!_ " Chef yelled. "Game's over. Guys win," he announced tersely, "girls lose. Now leave me be so I can eat my _bu_ _ns_ _!_ " He thrust a finger towards the cabins and gave the campers a stern look; the guys and Bridgette grudgingly obliged and left without a word, but Jo lingered long enough to receive a dirty look from Chef before she, too, grumbled out of sight.

xxx

"I can't believe we _los_ _t_ _!_ " Jo complained in the outhouse. "And all because Little Miss _Sharkbait_ had to go and give that sneak Ale- _rat_ -dro access to our stuff! Well I've had it up to _here_ ," she held her hand at neck-level, "with that goody two-shoes ruining my chances!"

xxx

"That went _perfect_ _ly_ _!_ " Alejandro laughed. "You almost had it for a _second_ , ladies, but sadly it just wasn't enough! Next time, keep a better _eye_ on your belongings."

xxx

"Jo's _pretty_ mad at me right now," Bridgette admitted to the camera. "I'd feel bad about it, but honestly she's been _major_ pain all season."

xxx

"I am surprisingly... _happy_ about how that all worked out," Shawn said, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. "And hey, at least I don't have to worry about going home tonight!"

xxx

/

The Campfire ceremony began with all its usual fanfare. " _This_ ," Chef griped to his captive audience, "was supposed to be _my_ day! I had it all planned," he said as the four campers watched him pacing back and forth from across the fire pit. "I was gonna eat my sticky buns, and relax with one of Alejandro's facials," the handsome boy gasped. "Then I was gonna learn to play Jo's whistle," the jock-ette gasped, "and go out on the lake on Bridgette's surfboard!" The surfer gasped, and again when Chef told her "Oh, you might wanna check that thing for _cracks_ , just sayin'."

The camera briefly cut away to the board in question, leaning up against a cabin wall and broken nearly in two save for a few strands holding it together. "And then I was gonna bake myself a fancy _cake_ , and decorate it with supplies I looted from Shawn's stash," Chef added, earning a final gasp from the fourth camper.

"But _you_ all _ruined_ it!" he cast an angry glare and accusatory finger over the teens, then began to rifle around in one of his pockets. " _So_ , here's your invinci-darn-bility." He tossed a pair of marshmallows, which sailed over the fire to be caught by the eager duo of Shawn and Alejandro.

Chef was shown in close-up, grinning evilly as the music became low and tense. The camera cut to Jo and Bridgette, then began to alternate between the grinning cook, glaring jock-ette, and nervous surfer as the music built up. "Looks like we got ourselves a _tie_ ," Chef announced with a sadistic tone, earning shocked looks from all four campers. "Which means _I_ get to decide which one of you gets the boot! And _I_ pick...," he held up the final marshmallow and drew out his pause, "mouthy girl!"

" _Wha_ _t_ _?!_ " Jo said in shock and anger as the final treat of the evening was barely caught by Bridgette. "Why _me_ _?_ "

"'Cause I _heard_ what you said when I left yesterday," Chef informed her, "and I am _not_ a grease-jockey! So get your _butt_ outta here!"

"Fine!" Jo exclaimed. "I was sick of you losers anyway! You don't _deserve_ to have me around!"

/

The scene cut to Chef Hatchet marching down the Dock of Shame. "Left," he chanted, "left, left _right_ left! C'mon, soldier," he said as he passed by the three remaining contestants, "do I bare a striking resemblance to somebody who's got _all da_ _y_ _?!_ "

Trailing behind him was Jo, her luggage in hand. "I really _had_ hoped to take you to the finale," Alejandro told her as she walked by, "but it seems your sharp tongue finally got the better of you."

"For what it's worth," Shawn added after stepping closer to her, "I respect your toughness. You're a real survivor, but that just wasn't enough to get you further in the game."

"Yeah yeah," Jo said, brushing away the hand he offered, "save it for someone who cares." She walked further on, and stopped in front of Bridgette. "I take it you wanna rub it in my face too?"

Bridgette shook her head. "Maybe I _did_ make the wrong call last night," she said, "but just keep in mind that _you_ weren't perfect either."

Jo merely scoffed at her, then walked past and boarded the Boat of Losers without another word.

/

A flash took the scene back to the campfire pit, the remaining campers seated around it. "Well then," Alejandro said in the middle with a devilish smile as he looked to Shawn on his right and Bridgette on his left, "it appears we've made it to the Final Three at last."

xxx

"I'd like to take a moment to share a few words with a few of the others," Alejandro said calmly. "Sugar, though we hardly knew each other, it was enough for me to realize how _incredible_ you truly are – you didn't deserve to be voted out so early. _Scott_ , the only reason I exposed you was because I knew I wouldn't get another chance to eliminate someone of _your_ cunning! And _Beardo_ , never have I met someone with such talent! I hope I can make up for helping to eliminate you after the competition is over."

xxx

"If you'd told me when this show started that I'd make it this far," Bridgette admitted to the camera, "I gotta say, I woulda thought you were lying. But now that I'm here, I can almost _taste_ the money."

xxx

"Oh yeah," Shawn cheered in his confessional, "Final Three! Just a few more days, and I might just be able to _win_ this! First step to building a zombie-proof bunker, here I come!"

xxx

/

The static marked a cut to Jo, sulking on the deck of the Boat of Losers. "Just get it over with," she told the driver as the camera moved to her point-of-view, looking into the darkened cabin. A soft and eerie tune began to play in the background as the camera zoomed in, revealing none other than Sasquatchanakwa itself driving the ship. It turned and snarled at Jo, who gave a short scream. Shockingly, the beast then grabbed at its own face, tearing it off and revealing Chef hiding just beneath – he had been in costume. He snickered, and Jo glared.

Then he tore off his 'head' again, revealing the snarling face of Sasquatchanakwa again. Jo screamed again, and the cycle began to repeat over and over, each mask getting tossed into the lake as the Boat glided across it.

"Would you _quit it_ already?!" Jo shouted, fed up with the pilot's antics.

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a pretty tricky challenge for me to write, it seems, between the various tricks and traps the two teams used, to Chef's actions, to what to do with the night-vision goggles. Still, I think it holds up well after so many years.
> 
> Nothing else to say – we're so close to the end! Let me know what you all think, and I'll see you next time!
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (RETURNED)
> 
> Ezekiel - (21st Place)
> 
> Sugar - (20th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (RETURNED)
> 
> Amy - (RETURNED)
> 
> Scott - (19th Place)
> 
> Beth - (18th Place)
> 
> Sierra - (17th Place)
> 
> Topher - (16th Place)
> 
> Sam - (15th Place)
> 
> Beardo - (14th Place)
> 
> Dawn - (13th Place)
> 
> Amy - (12th Place)
> 
> Geoff - (11th Place)
> 
> Dakota - (10th Place)
> 
> DJ - (9th Place)
> 
> B - (8th Place)
> 
> Sammy - (7th Place)
> 
> Scarlett - (6th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (5th Place)
> 
> Jo - (4th Place)


	25. I Triple Dog Dare You!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who want a reminder, the remaining contestants are as follows:
> 
> Girls \- Bridgette
> 
> Boys \- Alejandro, Shawn
> 
> \- Fangren

"Last time, on Total Drama Island!" The recap footage began with several short clips of the handsome host standing in front of a tattered curtain that looked suspiciously like the one from the camp amphitheater. "Yours truly was off emceeing a _swanky_ award show, so Chef took over as host," the footage switched to the kitchen scene from the beginning of the previous episode, with Chef cracking open the monster goose egg, "and _maaaan_ was he _bruuutal_ to the campers!"

"Not only did he dump them in the middle of the woods to fend for themselves," the bunk beds were shown getting carried away from the stranded teens, followed by the shot of Shawn looking through the stolen night vision goggles and eventually spotting a certain bigfoot and jock-ette running towards him, "but he left them alone with _scary dude_ Sasquatchanakwa! They ran _helter_ , they ran _skelter_ , they ran into a crowded bat cave!" The guys were shown running into the cave, and the clips was followed by a shot of a group of eyes in the darkness before the four campers were chased out by the bat colony. " _Massive_ mistake, I might add."

"Ultimately, the two teams decided to share their supplies for the night," Bridgette was shown convincing the others to band together for the night, "but while _Jo_ was the first to try something underhanded," the jock-ette smirked upon seeing her rival seemingly fall asleep, "she was outfoxed by _Alejandro_ ," the footage cut ahead over Jo's sleeping form, showing the girls empty bag and the guys running ahead, "and the guys walked off with _everything_. Proving once again that the greatest villains _always_ plan ahead." Alejandro and Shawn were shown reaching the totem pole first, while the girls got tangled up on the ground and Jo in particular vented her frustrations.

"In the end, it was the loud and bossy Jo who took the walk of shame," the jock-ette was shown passing the remaining three on the docks then getting onto the Boat of Losers, "leaving three glutton-for-punishment campers heading into our _most_ exciting challenge yet." Shawn, Alejandro, and Bridgette were shown conversing around the campfire pit.

"Don't believe me?" Chris asked in a close-up on the Dock of Shame as the recap footage ended. "Then I _triple dog dare_ you to watch _this_ episode _o_ _f_ _!_ " He pointed two finger at camera as it started to zoom out in increments until the whole island was shown. "Total! Drama! _Isla_ _nd_ _!_ "

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

A light and reverent tune opened the episode as the camera flew up from the Dock of Shame to the one remaining cabin. The scene cut to a seagull nesting in the horn of a loudspeaker, sleeping with a plastic soda pop bottle wrapper around its neck. It was rudely awakened by the high-pitched tone of the intercom switching on, which caused the bird to spit up a worm. "Welcome to the semi-finals!" Chris announced as the worm hit the ground and wriggled off, only to get eaten by another bird. "Today, we award our challengers with an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast!" The shot cut from the loudspeaker to a grumpy-looking Chef Hatchet standing in his kitchen next to a griddle and a stack of pancakes.

"That's right," the host continued as the cook flipped a pancake into the air, "genuine food byproducts served with fresh ingredients relatively close to their expiration dates." Chef continued to flip the pancake until eventually it stuck on the ceiling; he scowled and grabbed for a grimy flat-headed shovel, scraping it off with one hand and catching it on his spatula.

xxx

"I'm pretty happy I made it to the Final Three," Bridgette smiled in the confessional. "Just goes to show how far kindness and a positive attitude can get you!"

xxx

Alejandro admired his reflection in a hand mirror before turning his full attention to the outhouse camera. "It's only _natural_ that I made it this far," he said confidently. "My only regret is that Bridgette and Shawn made it this far as well, but that mistake will be _easy_ to fix."

xxx

Shawn began his turn by pumping his fist. "Oh yeah, almost there!" he cheered before rapidly calming himself down. "I can't let my _guard_ down, though. The zombies have been _suspiciously quiet_ lately."

xxx

/

The scene cut to the mess hall, the Final Three lined up silently in front of Chef's counter to get their breakfast. Alejandro was first, accepting a small stack from the cook without comment and walking back to the tables with a look of boredom on his face. Bridgette was next, and she grimaced when she saw what was put on her plate – the camera showed the top pancake covered in dirt, hair, and nail clippings. Though her eyes were wide she, too, walked off without a word.

Then at last came Shawn, his eyes darting around even as Chef served him. "Hey, I don't suppose you've seen any _zombies_ around, have you?" the scruffy boy asked, lingering at the counter.

Chef raised and eyebrow for a brief moment, then scowled. "Boy, I ain't _ever_ seen a zombie, they ain't even _rea_ _l_ _!_ "

Shawn scoffed. "Yeah, sure, that's what the government _wants_ you to think while they try to cover up their covert _research_ into-" he was abruptly cut off by another small stack of pancakes getting shoved into his open mouth.

"Shut up wit' your dang _conspiracy theories_ ," Chef yelled at him, "and go sit _dow_ _n_ _!_ "

Shawn quickly swallowed the pancakes whole, but only narrowed his eyes as he turned and left the counter.

xxx

"I'd honestly be fine if I don't win," Bridgette admitted in the confessional. "As long as _Alejandro_ doesn't get the money."

xxx

"Both Bridgette and Shawn have done well to get this far in the game," Alejandro told the camera, brimming with confidence, "but they're not _really_ on my level. I'm the man to beat – not that they'll be _able_ to."

xxx

"Y'know," Shawn scratched his chin in deep suspicion, "I wonder if _Chef_ could be in on the zombie conspiracy..." He paused a moment, then smiled and shook his head. " _Nah_ , he's just a cook!"

xxx

"If I _do_ win the money," Bridgette continued, "I think I'll use it to help save the whales... or maybe just buy Wawanakwa and turn it into a nature preserve."

xxx

"If I can actually win this thing," the survivalist said, "the money is going _straight_ into my zombie-proof bunker fund. A hundred grand won't be _nearly_ enough to complete it," he explained, "but it'll be a good start."

xxx

"Once I win Total Drama," Alejandro said with a confident grin, "I think I'll relax with a nice vacation around the world."

xxx

Shawn had taken out several blueprints and was eagerly showing them off to the camera. "And _this_ is where I'll grow my food," he said, pointing out a particular spot on his plans. "It won't be _much_ , but I can't risk having an unsustainable food supply during an extended _apocalypse_."

xxx

"Honestly, I'll just be glad when this is all _ove_ r," Bridgette told the camera. "You have _no_ idea how stressful the past eight weeks have been, especially with all the _backstabbing_ and _strategy_ that's been going on. Don't get me wrong, Shawn's great, but I _really_ miss having Geoff around." She blew the camera a kiss.

xxx

"I can't say I've _enjoyed_ these past eight weeks," Alejandro admitted. "I've suffered _far_ too much at the hands of the others. Fortunately, it'll only be a few more days before I _never_ have to deal with them _again_."

xxx

"And this is the panic room _inside_ the panic room," Shawn continued to explain, pointing to a spot on a different page of his blueprints than the one he was showing earlier. "Because really, you can never be _too_ careful when you're dealing with the undead. Heck, I would've added a _third_ panic room if there was enough space in the second!"

xxx

"I'll admit that Shawn _has_ demonstrated a worrying level of skill in past challenges," Alejandro confessed, "particularly his _bizarre_ tolerance of things normal people would find absolutely _disgusting_." The handsome boy shuddered.

xxx

"And over here?" Shawn briefly looked away from his blueprints to smirk at the camera. " _That's_ my septic tank-slash-emergency exit. I've taken enough precautions to make sure nothing can come back up it, so it should be a safe, if _smelly_ , way out if I need one."

xxx

"Fortunately," Alejandro smirked, "his fixation on a fictional zombie apocalypse is something I can use against him. He really _is_ a strange little man."

xxx

"It'll be a hard run getting all the money I need," Shawn said while looking proudly at his blueprints, "but it'll be worth it. I just gotta make sure I survive until then."

xxx

"As for Bridgette...," Alejandro paused a moment to think, "well, there's a _reason_ she needs to go next. Her niceness, though _completely_ naïve, _does_ make her likable enough to potentially earn more votes than me during the finale. Fortunately, she isn't much of a threat _otherwise_ so I only need to convince Shawn to vote for her tonight."

xxx

"Alejandro is gonna be a tough one to beat," Bridgette said. "He's _smart_ , he's _athletic_ , he has so many _talents_ it's almost _ridiculous_ , and I just _know_ he'd find a way to convince the others to vote for him to win. I just have to hope his ego and the few weaknesses he _does_ have will be enough to take him down!"

xxx

Shawn put his blueprints away and his face fell. "I just hope that I'm not the only one who manages survive. I don't wanna be the only one who doesn't become _zombie chow_."

xxx

/

The confessionals finally ended as the scene cut to the lights hanging over the amphitheater stage. The camera panned down, showing the three campers – Bridgette on the left, Shawn in the middle, Alejandro on the right – sitting behind a makeshift table composed of a long cabinet and a crate, the host standing on the other side. "Campers!" Chris began, "Welcome to the semi-finals! The producers ran out of insane ways of torturing you, _soooo_ ," the three teens were briefly shown exchanging nervous glances with one another, "they asked the ousted campers for ideas. Turns out," he shrugged, "they had a _lot_. They provided us with the _sickest_ , most twisted and insane dares _imaginable_ in TDI's version of," he stepped aside as a smooth jazz tune began to play, "Spin the Bottle!" A large wooden wheel had appeared in the space between him and the campers; a comically large green plastic soda bottle was attached in the center in front of a red-and-white starburst pattern, and along the rim were photos of the nineteen former competitors.

"Starting with," Chris said as the camera flashed to focus on each person in turn, "Scarlett! B! Lightning! Topher! Beardo! Sierra! Sugar! Beth! Ezekiel! Sam! DJ! Geoff! Dakota! Scott! Dawn! Jo! Amy _and_ Samey!," the twins' pictures seemed to be glaring at one another, " _and_ the compulsively lying chatterbox, _Staci!_ "

"Put 'em all together," Chris told the camera as it focused back on him, "and you have a high-stakes game of I," he sent the bottle spinning, "Triple Dog _Dare_ You!"

"Seems a little _juvenile_ if you ask me," Alejandro said as the smooth jazz ended and the camera panned to the contestants. "I had hoped the semi-finals would be more _sophisticated_ than a child's party game, but I suppose that was too much to ask."

"Hey, as long as there's no _kissing_ involved," Bridgette added, "I'm cool with it."

"Agreed," Shawn spoke up from his seat in the middle.

"Each player will take turns spinning the bottle," Chris continued without acknowledging the contestants. A snazzy game show tune began to play as the camera focused on the bottle spinning around and around, eventually stopping so that the open neck pointed at Ezekiel's picture, sandwiched between Dakota and Beth. "The camper that you land on determines the dare you'll perform." He walked over to Chef, who was wearing a sparkly pink dress complete with gloves, a pink chef's hat, and jewelry, and was holding a tray with three regular-sized soda bottles on it. "You can take the dare yourself and win a get-out-of-dare _freebie_ ," he said as he picked up one of the bottles, " _ooorrr_ , inflict the dare on a fellow camper in hopes of booting them out."

"And what happens if we _decline_ the dare?" Alejandro asked, eyes narrowed in cautious suspicion.

The game show tune ended with a deep and thundering beat as Chris smiled at the campers. "Oh, not a good option!" he waved off as an ominous tune rose in the background. "Anyone who chickens out of their dare will be sent _directly_ to the Dock of Shame," the camera quick-panned to the pier with the boat already waiting, " _board_ the Boat of Losers, do not _go_ to bonfire," a dramatic beat as the focus moved back to Chris, "do not _collect_ marshmallow," another dramatic beat, "and do not get to win one hundred thousand dollars!" He motioned to the side as a canoe filled with money dropped onto the stage, accompanied by a different game show-esque jingle.

xxx

"A _sudden death_ elimination?!" Alejandro exclaimed in the outhouse confessional. "This does _not_ bode well for me and my well-maintained body."

xxx

/

"Okay!" Chris said as he stepped behind an oil drum podium. "Who's ready to humiliate themselves first?"

A short, dramatic tune played as the three campers resolutely said nothing, the music acting as a timer before one of them finally shrugged. "Might as well get this over with," Bridgette offered, walking over to the wheel and giving the bottle a spin.

xxx

"Okay," the host explained with an excited grin, "so here's the deal." His eyes darted around the outhouse, and he lowered his voice into a conspiratorial whisper. "Chef and I have a little _side bet_ going. Whoever pukes _first_ has to pony up a hundred bucks."

xxx

"Okay, let's get this party started!" Chris exclaimed over a shot of Bridgette watching the bottle spin down. It landed on the left side of the wheel, pointing at a certain redheaded farmer. "Scott's dare," the host began to read off a note card. "Suck on one of Chef Hatchet's stinky sweat socks for _ten seconds_."

Dramatic beats were played as each contestant grimaced in turn – first Bridgette, then Alejandro, then Shawn. "Bridgette," the host said plainly, "you can perform the dare yourself, _or_ , dare one of your competitors to do it."

The surfer girl slowly closed her gaping mouth, and donned a look of contemplation. "Either way," Chris laughed, "someone's getting a face full of _sock_ in the next minute!"

"Well in that case," Bridgette smirked, "I'll dare _Alejandro_ to do it."

The camera focused on Alejandro, who gulped and looked over at Chef. The hulking man grinned evilly as he pulled one of his combat boots off, and took off the visibly stinky sock underneath. He walked it over to Alejandro as the music became deep and tense. The tall boy's eyes went even wider as the sock was presented to him; he picked it up and slowly put it into his mouth. Ominous chanting was heard as he started to suck on it, the camera focusing ever closer on his grimacing face and the tears streaming out of his clenched-shut eyes.

A ding came from off-screen, and he spat the sock out and fell to the floor, clutching his mouth and gagging. The shadows of Chris and Chef fell onto his writhing form as the two began to chuckle. "Oh man," the host said, "that was _sooo_ sick! I nearly _puk_ _ed_ _!_ " Chef Hatchet gave him an inquisitive look, so he added a simple " _Nearly_." Chef nodded, and the footage cut ahead to the next dare.

/

Alejandro quickly gargled some water and spit it out as he walked up and spun the wheel. After a few tense seconds it landed on the picture of the braces-bearing wannabe. "Beth's dare is," Chris read off his cards, "re-chewing a wad of Sugar's gum."

Chef used a pair of tongs to hold up a mason jar with a wad of pink gum inside, and Alejandro raised his eyebrows briefly before narrowing them into a devilish look. "Bridgette," he told the surfer, "consider this my payback."

The blonde cringed, but nonetheless made her way up to center stage to where the gum jar waited on a small table. She looked at it warily as Chef stretched his pink gloves tight and took the wad out with his tongs, placing it inside an incredibly reluctant Bridgette's mouth as the boys watched in horror and disgust.

She chewed once, then recoiled. "Sugar, what kind of gum _is_ this?" she moaned as the camera focused in on the pageant star's smiling portrait. "It tastes like cinnamon and _meat_."

"Just keep _chewing_ ," Alejandro told her with a dark smile.

The surfer obliged, the look of disgust never leaving her face. "Can I stop yet?" she said after a few more seconds. "I think I can taste Sugar's _spit_."

Chris and Chef cringed. "Yeah," the host told her, "I think it's safe to say you _pass_."

Bridgette immediately spat the gum out, and a spat few more times for good measure before going back to her seat.

"I wonder if Geoff will remember that the next time you two _meet_ ," Alejandro told her.

"And I suppose people will be lining up to kiss _y_ _ou_ _?_ " Bridgette shot back coolly, earning a frown from Alejandro.

/

The game show tune began again as Shawn hesitantly stepped up and spun the wheel; it landed on the heiress who was blowing a kiss in her photograph. "Dakota," Chris announced. "Let _Chef_ shave your head!"

Shawn was silent for a moment, then asked "That's it?" in disbelief.

"That's it," Chris repeated with a shrug.

"I'll take it then!" Shawn said in an almost eager tone, walking over to the chair that had been set up. His small smile faded as Chef approached him, a grimace on his face and a nasty-looking electric razor buzzing in his hands.

The camera panned away as Shawn's toque was tossed aside, and the sounds of hair being shaved were interrupted by the occasional pained cry. The two other contestants were focused on, both cringing but unable to take their eyes off the spectacle.

" _Ouch_ ," the surfer said after a particularly loud yelp. "Still, at least he didn't get anything gross. It's painful, but it doesn't seem _that_ bad."

"Speak for yourself," Alejandro told her, still unable to tear his wide eyes away. "Unlike _you_ two, I take _pride_ in my personal appearance."

"Oh, so you're saying that would be enough to get you to give up?" Bridgette shot at him with a smirk.

" _No_ ," the charmer shot back, "I just don't believe it's as easy a dare as you say it is."

Bridgette gave him a suspicious look, but she didn't say anything else before the camera cut away. The electric razor had been turned off, and Shawn felt his tender head – Chef had been thorough in his efforts, and the survivalist was now bald. Notably, there seemed to be several small cuts on his scalp.

"And Shawn wins the first freebie!" Chris announced, handing the boy one of the soda bottles. "And a _tetanus shot_ ," he added nervously, "if you want. I really don't know where that thing's _been_..."

The newly-bald contestant looked up and felt his head again. "Yeah, probably not a bad _idea,_ " he told the host, accepting the freebie and picking his hat up off the ground.

xxx

"Alejandro cares a lot about his _looks_ ," Bridgette pondered in the outhouse, "I wonder if I can turn that against him?"

xxx

(Fade to Commercial Break and Back)

The scene faded in from black to show an aerial view of the island from a distance before cutting to the Chris' smiling face at the amphitheater stage. "Welcome back to TDI's semi-finals!" he announced as the game show music began to play again. "And a challenge we like to call, 'I Triple Dog _Dare_ You!' Bridgette," he motioned to his side, "you're up next!"

The surfer spun the over-sized bottle, and it went around several times before finally coming to rest on the toque-wearing homeschooler, Ezekiel. "Chew your own toenail," Chris told her, " _sloooow-lyyyy_."

Bridgette looked uncertain for a moment, but finally shrugged. "What the heck? I'll do it." She took a seat, removed one of her sandals, and stuck out her leg for Chef. The hulking man clipped her big toe and caught the nail on a plate, then wordlessly presented it. Bridgette picked it up, eyed it for a second, then tossed it into her mouth. The boys cringed, Alejandro more so than Shawn, as she slowly began to chew the tiny thing, and eventually swallowed it.

"That wasn't... _sooo_ bad," she said forcibly, sticking her tongue out in disgust and accepting a soda bottle from Chris. "At least I got a freebie out of it."

"Indeed you did," Alejandro said as he stood up and moved out from behind his crate. "But _I_ shall be the next one to earn a freebie." Brimming with stubborn confidence, he gave the bottle a spin; it landed on uber-jock Lightning.

xxx

"As much as I hate to," Alejandro admitted, "I _need_ to do the dares I'm given if I want to stay in the game. As long as I have freebies, I'm safe from whatever the _others_ dare me to do."

xxx

"You gotta chug a glass of milk," Chris announced with a milk carton in hand, "that's just a _few_ days past its expiration date. Just enough to make it a bit _chunky_ ," he said with a chuckle, giving the carton a shake. He handed it to Chef, who began to pour it into a tall glass – several distinct plops were heard, each of which caused Alejandro's grimace to become more intense.

"I don't get disqualified if I throw up, do I?" Alejandro asked nervously as he accepted the glass from Chef.

"Not if you can get it all down first," Chris answered plainly.

"Right...," the handsome boy groaned. He gulped, then began to chug. The camera cut away, the sounds of him steadily swallowing loud and clear as Bridgette looked ready to vomit herself. It cut back to the empty glass, panning out and up to show Alejandro with a dazed look on his face – as well as a distinct milk mustache. His eyes twitched as he silently wiped it off, and then it all came back up in a stream of vomit that was hastily directed off-stage.

Chris was shown grimacing at the sight and sound, but he recovered quickly. "You still cool?" he asked his partner, who despite his horrified expression managed to nod.

/

The footage flashed ahead, showing Alejandro lying on a stretcher with a breathing mask over his mouth and nose and the telltale beeps of an electrocardiograph machine in the background. "Okay," Chris said, "we'll give Al a few more minutes on life support before we start the next round. Until then, Chef made snacks! Cookies and _milk_ , anyone?" He motioned to his assistant, who walked up with a tray of cookies and several glasses of milk. Alejandro took one look and threw up again, but the two older men happily started to eat anyway.

/

The footage cut forward, showing the bottle landing on DJ's smiling portrait. "Well, _this_ is probably gonna be another easy one," Shawn said, his knit cap hiding his baldness well.

"Your dare _is_ ," Chris told him, lingering just a few moments, "to do a lap around the camp, in your _birthday suit_."

"Wait, you mean I gotta run around out there _nake_ _d_ _?_ " Shawn asked in surprise.

"Well, you or one of the others," the host told him. "Or, y'know, you could just use your freebie, but I don't think that would be as, uh, _memorable_."

The bald young man tapped his chin in thought for a moment. "Yeah, I'll do it," he finally said. "Shouldn't be much different than running around fully-clothed, at least in terms of evading the undead."

Another skip forward put the focus on a pile of Shawn's discarded clothes; the camera cut to him but was careful not to show anything below his waist. "I'll be back in a bit," he said with a wave, the shot lingering on Bridgette and Alejandro's embarrassed looks before shifting to behind Shawn as he jogged away from the amphitheater, his butt thoroughly pixellated.

Several clips were shown of him running through or past familiar parts of camp were shown, including the cabin; the Dock of Shame, where a shark surfaced and blinked in disbelief at him; the boathouse; the totem pole, where a pair of squirrels started laughing the moment he was out of sight; and finally back to the stage.

/

Chris handed another freebie to Shawn as he put his shirt back on and took his seat, then Bridgette was shown spinning the bottle. It landed on Sierra's picture, prompting Chris to say " _Eat_ a bark and mud _sandwich_." Bridgette smirked and looked straight at Alejandro, who recoiled in disgust.

"Eating bark isn't _that_ bad," Shawn advised him, "at least, as long as you don't get any _splinters_."

"I... think I'll just use my freebie," Alejandro announced after giving the survivalist an odd look.

"Good call," the host told him as the charmer held up his soda bottle. The footage skipped ahead to show Alejandro standing next to the bottle as it spun again, eventually stopping at silent genius B. "Drink a kitchen grease and crab apple smoothie," Chris happily announced.

"Hmm," Alejandro said, rubbing his chin in thought. "Although it is _tempting_ to keep the pressure on my opponents," he told the host, "I'd prefer having a freebie in case I need it. I'll take the dare."

"Hey, your choice," Chris replied with a shrug and a smirk, "and I bet you'll _probably_ regret it pretty soon."

xxx

"So freakin' _sick_ ," Chris told the confessional camera in disbelief before donning a cocky smirk. "Chef's goin' _dow_ _n_ _!_ "

xxx

The scene cut back to the stage as Chef dropped a blender – already filled with enough ice to make a smoothie – onto a small table. While both Chris and Alejandro watched on in disgust he poured grease into it from a large pot with the assistance of a funnel, then tossed both the funnel and the pot away. He then held up a handful of nasty-looking crab apples and added them one by one, and finally he blended it all up and poured it into a glass.

"That's so gross," Chris laughed as the glass was handed to a very reluctant Alejandro. The handsome boy pinched his nose and closed his eyes as he began to drink the greenish-brown mixture, the camera cutting to the disgusted reactions of Bridgette, Shawn, Chris, and Chef before showing cutting back to Alejandro just as he finished the drink.

He paused in a moment's stupor before his cheeks bulged and he leaned off-camera to vomit. The sound was enough to nearly cause both older men to retch, but they managed to forcibly swallow before allowing their bet to be decided.

/

The next scene showed Alejandro slumping against his chair, holding his forehead and groaning. The camera panned left as Shawn got up to take his turn, and Bridgette gave the disgusted charmer a surprised look.

"I can't believe you went _through_ with that!" she told him. "I thought for _sure_ I was gonna have to use up my freebie!"

Alejandro looked at her, burped, then groaned and slumped forward.

The camera cut over to the bald boy as her nervously spun the bottle for a third time; it landed on Sammy. "Eat _cat food_ ," Chris told him with an anticipatory look on his face.

"Cat food?" Shawn repeated. "Is it safe for, uh, _human_ consumption?"

The host shrugged. "You've got a couple _freebies_ you could use y'know," he told the boy, "or you could try daring one of the others for a change."

Shawn frowned in thought. "I _guess_ , but I'd rather wait to do that kinda thing for when I have more freebies saved up. Guess I'm tryin' the cat food!"

Chris and Chef exchanged a shrug as the dress-wearing man opened a small tin of wet cat food and dumped it on a plate with a noticeable 'plop' that made Shawn wince slightly. He was handed the plate and a white plastic spoon, gulped, and shoved a scoop into his mouth. The other four were shown watching him in shock as he closed his eyes and got into forceful a rhythm – scoop, chew, swallow; scoop, chew, swallow. Soon enough, it was all gone.

"Surprisingly," he said with a disgusted grimace as he finally opened his eyes and wiped the last few bits of cat food off his mouth, "not the _worst_ thing I've ever eaten." He burped, and the smell of it finally sent Chris over the edge – he leaned over the edge of the stage and puked, then handed a wad of bills to Chef. The hulking man's smile was soon destroyed as he, too, threw up the contents of his stomach, and that in turn set both Bridgette and Alejandro off. Neither had the time to leave their seats, though, and so were forced to spew their streams of vomit directly onto the stage.

xxx

"Okay," Chris groaned in the outhouse, "that was _soooo grooos_ _s_ _!_ " His cheeks suddenly bulged and he brought his hands to his mouth, but was soon forced to bend over and vomit on the outhouse floor. "Is there _nothing_ these _freaks_ won't _do_ _?!_ " he exclaimed, well out of sight of the camera.

xxx

/

A smooth jazz tune began to play over a montage of dares. The spinning bottle landed on Geoff, and the scene cut to the communal toilets as Chris poured a pack of powdered fruit punch into one of the toilet bowls, plunged it thoroughly, and stepped aside so Bridgette could drink it through a straw. The bottle landed on Topher, and Alejandro was shown riding on the back of a shark, rodeo-style. The bottle landed on Staci, and Chef handed a tray of ice cubes to Shawn who put a few into his mouth and began to chew hard.

The bottle landed on Amy, and Alejandro winced as he slowly placed a small, wrinkly green pepper into his mouth. He swallowed it, then clutched his throat as his face went red, his eyes watered, and for one brief second fire shot out of his mouth. The bottle landed on Jo, and Shawn was shown in full camouflage paint, wrestling a bear with a rope in his hands; he eventually managed to hogtie it. The bottle landed on Beardo, and Bridgette was shown putting on a blindfold and tiptoeing forward. The camera zoomed out, showing a number of rakes lying around the stage; the clumsy surfer stepped on the end of one, causing the handle to smack her in the face.

The montage came to an end, and with it the smooth jazz tune. "I can't believe no one's dropped out," Chris told them, "and Shawn already has _seven_ freebies!"

"Heh, yeah," Shawn said sheepishly, "I guess I _have_ been doing a lot of dares, huh?"

"Bridgette and Alejandro, not so much," Chris added while the camera zoomed out, showing a pair of freebies in front of the surfer, one in front of the charmer, and the host himself walking towards the campers. "But not to worry," he said while holding up his stack of note cards on which the dares were written, "there's still _plenty_ to be motivated about!"

"Hey," Bridgette whispered to the boy next to her, "we need to start sending all our dares to Alejandro so he gets taken down!"

Alejandro overheard her, and leaned in to catch Shawn's other ear. "I hope you realize she's only saying that because she thinks you'll be easier to beat in the finale, amigo."

"Uh, _excuse_ me?" Bridgette said, taking offense and leaning closer to Shawn. "If I only cared about who I could beat, I'd be trying to take _you_ to the finale with me, not him. Or did you forget about all the _people_ you've eliminated? Because I'm pretty sure they'd vote for _me_ instead of _you_."

"If they do," Alejandro scoffed, "then they're poorer sports than I took them for. It's not like it was ever _personal_ , it was just _stra_ _tegy_ _!_ "

"Yeah, well, not everyone _appreciates_ your kind of strategy," Bridgette countered. "Don't get me wrong, I _get_ that we all wanna win, but that doesn't mean that people will overlook the fact that you _used_ them. Because despite what you said, it _is_ personal, Alejandro, it's _always_ personal. Just because this is a game doesn't mean you can get away with pretending to _like_ someone only to _stab_ them in the _back_ the first chance you get!"

"How can you be so _naïve_?!" Alejandro shot back, leaning in front of Shawn to glare at Bridgette. "Perhaps _some_ may not be able to accept their loss, but most people _respect_ the better players!"

:If that's really the case," Bridgette said as she, too, leaned in front of Shawn, "then why have you only been trying to get _me_ out? Are you _scared_ of going to the finale with me?"

Alejandro's glare and scowl broke with that comment, and he took too long to come up with a response. "Excuse me," Shawn interrupted, sliding his hands between the faces of his two competitors and pushing them away from him, "but could _please_ stop crowding me?" Both Bridgette and Alejandro looked embarrassed and muttered apologies.

"Thank you," Shawn told them. "Now as for _my_ strategy," the camper on either side of him listened intently, "I honestly don't know if I can beat _either_ of you. But if I'm gonna be runner-up, I'd rather be runner-up to the girl who's been pretty _good_ to me," he pointed a thumb at Bridgette who smiled happily, "instead of the guy who insults my _body odor_ whenever he walks by and thinks I can't hear him." He leveled a light glare at Alejandro, who groaned and slapped his forehead.

"Uhh, are you all about finished?" Chris interrupted, the camera shifting over to show him still waiting on the stage. "Because I kinda wanna keep this challenge _moving_."

"Right, sorry!" Bridgette said, quickly dashing up to the wheel and giving the bottle a good spin – it landed on a certain redheaded brainiac.

"Scarlett's dare," Chris announced, "is to open the _Mystery Box_!" He motioned to Chef who was standing next to a small table, holding a cloth that was hiding something from view. With a savage grin he pulled it off, revealing an ordinary-looking cardboard box which was making a sound that was anything but.

"...Is it _tickin_ _g_ _?!_ " Bridgette asked in the beginnings of panic.

"Don't worry," Chris told her, "Scarlett said it wouldn't hurt anybody... _probably_."

Bridgette shrugged uncertainly, then pointed at Alejandro. Chef carefully handed him the box with a pair of tongs, and the handsome young man silently decided to open it at his seat.

The moment he lifted a single flap, it exploded into a cloud of green gas. The camera panned down to show him crawling out of it on his hands and knees, coughing all the way. It dissipated quickly, but left behind a strong stench that clung to Alejandro. "Oh, it is _on_ ," he managed to say before coughing again.

Almost immediately after another montage of dares began, complete with the jazzy tune that had been used previously. First, Alejandro was shown in a close-up with a large spider crawling on his face; the camera pulled back and revealed that he had been covered with them. Next, the Sasquatchanakwa was shown sleeping on its side in a cave until a short buzzing noise woke it up; it turned and saw Alejandro holding an electric razor and a tuft of purple fur, then roared furiously. Bridgette was next, getting several pies thrown at her face; her obvious fear was unusual considering how normal they were, until one hit her and fell off, revealing a jellyfish on her face that promptly gave her an electric shock.

A few short clips were played of each contestant holding up a freebie before Alejandro was shown again hugging a large cactus which had gotten a smiley face drawn on it. Bridgette was shown again, crawling inside a barrel; the point-of-view shifted so that the surfer was shown inside the closed barrel as it started to shake and she scrunched up her face in fear and anticipation. The camera cut to the outside, revealing that her and her barrel had been brought to the top of the thousand-foot-high cliff by Chef, who promptly tossed her off.

The next clip shown began with a grumpy pig sitting next to a tall pile of manure; Chef scooped some of it into a bucket, then slammed the bucket onto Alejandro's head. The camera zoomed back, showing that a cannon had been brought on stage and the tall young man forced into the end of it; Chris swung the barrel to face the pile, then shot Alejandro – the bucket still on his head – waist deep into it.

/

The music and montage ended, and it was once again Bridgette's turn to spin the bottle. She sent a confident smirk at Alejandro before the bottle landed on Sugar's happy grin.

"I... do not know if this is a _good_ thing," Alejandro remarked with no freebies left in front of him, "or a _bad_ thing."

"I'm gonna have to say _bad_ ," Chris said with a chuckle before reading off the dare. "Let Chef _punch_ you in the _fa_ _ce_ _!_ "

" _Wh_ _at_ _?!_ " Alejandro exclaimed, eyes going wide with dread as the music spiked dramatically.

"Wow," Shawn said as Bridgette rejoined him, "that's... oddly _direct_."

"Yeah, seriously," the surfer added in mild shock.

Chef grinned, removing his pink gloves and cracking his knuckles. "I'm gonna _enjoy_ this," he said slowly as he balled his left hand into a fist.

"So what's it gonna be, Al?" Chris asked as the handsome young man reluctantly stepped into center stage. "Are you going to _do_ the dare," Chef's grin deepened enough that Alejandro flinched, " _or_ take the Walk of Shame?"

The camera panned over to the waiting Boat of Losers, which gave a few toots of its horn. The shot rapidly switched from Chef Hatchet's bare fist, to the canoe full of money, to Alejandro as he began to shake nervously, to Bridgette and Shawn as they waited with anxious expressions, and back again to Chef and Alejandro as the former finally swung...

"NOT THE FACE!" Alejandro cried, ducking under the punch and shoving his assailant in the stomach. Chef stumbled back a step and his grin became a scowl; he quickly readied his fist again and caught Alejandro with an uppercut as the young man tried to stand up.

The impact was shown in slow-motion as the boy's handsome face contorted and a single tooth was sent flying. He fell to the stage floor; Chef gave him a look of contempt, snorted, and walked away.

The camera immediately shifted to Alejandro as he sat up and felt his mouth, quickly noticing the tooth missing from his upper jaw. "Wha- _g_ _ah_ _!_ " he exclaimed incoherently, quickly getting back on his feet.

"Wow," Chris said blankly. "Well _that_ probably could have been avoided. Looks like Alejandro's out!"

" _Excuse m_ _e_ _?_ " Alejandro looked at him in outrage. "He _punched_ me!"

"Yeah," the host told him, "but you didn't actually _want_ him to, meaning you _didn't_ accept the dare. If you hadn't fought back, you still would've been punched, but you would have at least still been in the game."

"Wow," Bridgette said, still stunned, "looks like we found Al's _weak point_."

"That was _harsh_ ," Shawn nodded.

Alejandro dropped to his knees and shouted loudly to the sky above. " _NOOOOOO_ _OO_ _!_ " The anguished cry echoed throughout Wawanakwa, scaring birds into flight, squirrels into their tree hollows, and even catching the attention of the nineteen former contestants hanging around the pool at Playa Des Losers.

"You can't _do_ this to me!" Alejandro yelled, grabbing Chris by the shoulders.

"Sorry," the host said as he brushed the hands away from him, "those are the rules!"

"Then why didn't you say so _earl_ _ier_ _?!_ " Alejandro angrily followed up.

" _Yeah_ ," Chris drawled, "I sorta _forgot_ , _sorry_. But here's the rub: you lose, they win."

Alejandro growled angrily as Bridgette and Shawn jumped to their feet in excitement. "No way!" they exclaimed together as they began to celebrate. "We did it! We _wo_ _n_ _!_ "

The tall young ex-camper grit his teeth and clenched a fist. "Very well," he said with an eerily calm expression, "but mark my words, you _will_ be hearing from my lawyers." He picked his tooth up off the stage, then stormed off.

"Yeah, I'm sure we _will_ ," Chris said as he followed the ex-camper, causally tossing a set of keys to Chef. "It's gonna be a _long ride,_ " he added, as Bridgette and Shawn stood and followed them off.

/

"Oh yes," Alejandro declared, now on board the Boat of Losers with the host and remaining contestants on the dock nearby. "a long ride awaits _all_ who wrong Alejandro Burromuerto!" Chef, still in his dress, made his way into the cabin as the usual elimination music began to play in the background.

"And then there were two," Chris said as the camera panned to him and the boat departed, Bridgette and Shawn exchanging a happy high-five. "Tune in to see _who_ will win the check for _one hundred thousand dollars_ on Total! Drama! Island!"

With each word the camera zoomed out further, showing Alejandro standing stoically on the deck of the ship until it went out-of-frame, and the island in it's entirety was shown from far above.

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy, that was a blunt end to Alejandro's time this season, both literally and figuratively. Though that may in part be colored by my foreknowledge of the elimination...
> 
> Still, though, I'm worried it's a bit too anticlimactic even still. I just wasn't sure how to change the scene to make it less so.
> 
> But anyway. The challenge was both interesting and difficult to write; I had asked my reviewers on ff.net to suggest dares, though only one (username FOWLKON, reviewing as a guest), actually did so – in this case, the Saskwatchanakwa shaving dare used in one of the montages. Everything else was thus either canon or my own creation, so I hope you enjoyed them!
> 
> The final dare itself was relatively simple, I think? Though shaving Alejandro's head would have worked I wanted something different from canon, thus I decided to go for the punch as it were. The directness of the dare made me decide that Sugar had come up with it, and since Sugar took Lindsay's place in the Shuffled version of the opening, I ended up deciding to just continue the pattern as much as I could throughout the challenge. So, for instance, in canon the first three dares came from Duncan, Ezekiel, and Beth, whose spots in the TSI opening had been given to Scott, Beth, and Dakota who thus gave the first three Shuffled dares.
> 
> Yeah, kinda weird, maybe a little confusing, but it was a big help in tackling this big, complicated mess of a challenge.
> 
> Uhh, nothing else I want to talk about really? There's not a lot to say about the finalists, Shawn was a pretty obvious choice from early on, but the other slot wasn't chosen until I decided on Bridgette as the female lead.
> 
> Anyway, as always let me know what you think and I'll see you next time!
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (RETURNED)
> 
> Ezekiel - (21st Place)
> 
> Sugar - (20th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (RETURNED)
> 
> Amy - (RETURNED)
> 
> Scott - (19th Place)
> 
> Beth - (18th Place)
> 
> Sierra - (17th Place)
> 
> Topher - (16th Place)
> 
> Sam - (15th Place)
> 
> Beardo - (14th Place)
> 
> Dawn - (13th Place)
> 
> Amy - (12th Place)
> 
> Geoff - (11th Place)
> 
> Dakota - (10th Place)
> 
> DJ - (9th Place)
> 
> B - (8th Place)
> 
> Sammy - (7th Place)
> 
> Scarlett - (6th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (5th Place)
> 
> Jo - (4th Place)
> 
> Alejandro - (3rd Place)


	26. The Very Last Episode, Really!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, it's finale time! The first of six, of course, and I sincerely hope all you newcomers enjoy its twists and turns :)
> 
> For those who somehow forgot, our finalists are Bridgette and Shawn, and now it's finally time to see who will win Total! Shuffled! Island!
> 
> \- Fangren

A light, lilting tune began as the shot opened up on the Dock of Shame as seen from the nearby beach, the sun just barely at the level of the surrounding hills. "Ah, morning in Muskoka," Chris said calmly. "The birds chirping," two purple-colored birds were shown atop a rock near the pier, "the loon calling," the waterbird gave its cry, "the majestic, gentle sounds of _beautiful_ northern Ontario." The camera panned across the camp facilities, the morning chorus of birds filling the air until a sudden shout of alarm from a familiar voice in the trees was followed by a loud crash.

" _Welcome_ ," Chris announced excitedly, popping into view with a pink-and-teal party hat on his head, the lilting morning tune getting replaced by the reverent music used for important moments throughout the season, "to the most dramatic, _thrilling_ episode yet!" He blew a purple party noisemaker, and the scene cut to him standing next to the totem pole. "It's been a long eight weeks at Camp Wawanakwa, and Total Drama Island is about to come to an end." The scene flashed again, now showing the handsome host on the mess hall roof, leaning up against the chimney. "Today, two campers remain. By sundown, only _one_ will be left standing."

"That camper," he continued as the scene cut to him by the campfire pit, "will go home with a check for _one-hundred-thousand dolla_ _rs_ _!_ Who will it be? Klutzy friendly surfer chick Bridgette?" A clip was shown of the blonde young woman's arrival on the island, nearly hitting people with her surfboard as she swung it around. " _Or_ the zombie-obsessed survival-junkie Shawn?" The now-bald young man was shown covered in self-made camouflage paint and standing flush to the wall of a cave, nervously eyeing a sleeping bear.

"Go grab a snack," Chris advised as one final cut put him in his usual position at the end of the Dock of Shame. "Have a pee if you have to. Sit your _butt_ down and get ready _fo_ _r_ _!_ The dramatic final conclusion _of_! Total! Drama! _Islan_ _d_ _!_ " The final three words were punctuated, as they nearly always had been, by the camera zooming out further and further until the entire island was in the shot.

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

/

The episode opened with Chris McLean sitting on one of the stumps at the campfire pit. "Welcome back," he told the camera. "We asked our finalists to record their thoughts in our confessional booth before going in to the final round."

xxx

"How was it?" Shawn said as if repeating a question he'd been asked before tapping his chin in thought. The footage briefly cut from the outhouse interior to a montage of clips of Shawn: him screaming upon seeing a bear in the sixth episode, him fighting off a horde of 'zombies' in the seventh, and him lying on the ground with fake antlers on his head and a tranquilizer dart in his shoulder from the seventeenth episode.

"Meh," he said with a shrug as the flashback ended, "it coulda been worse."

xxx

"What was it like?" Bridgette said in her turn to confess. As with Shawn, several clips of her time on the island were played in quick succession: her stumbling around after a bat flew into her face from the sixth episode, covered in bees during the fifteenth episode, and leaping out of the water after a snapping turtle nearly bit off her toes in the twentieth episode.

"I gotta say," she told the camera, "it's could've been better."

xxx

It was Chef Hatchet who appeared in the confessional next. "You think it's _easy_ cookin' for twenty-two ungrateful teenagers?" the hulking cook complained, placing a hand on his forehead and closing his eyes. "Man, I've had better jobs in _priso_ _n_ _!_ "

xxx

"The food wasn't _too_ bad," Shawn continued over clips of him getting splattered when Chef hit the wiggling mess on his tray with a meat hammer from the first episode, eating the grasshopper-and-jellyfish pizza from the fourteenth episode, and eating cat food during the previous episode.

xxx

"At least _someone's_ halfway appreciative of me _slavin'_ away all day over a hot stove!" Chef added grumpily.

xxx

"The food was _horrifying_ ," Bridgette said, eyes wide as her confessional resumed. The surfer was shown protesting over the dolphin wieners in the fourteenth episode, sitting with Sammy, B, and Scarlett as the latter two inspected their paste-like meal during the twentieth episode, and finally drinking out of the toilet in the previous episode.

xxx

"Less rat droppings," Chef said in a mocking tone before putting his hand on his hips. "Does this look like a five-star restaurant to _yo_ _u_ _?!_ "

xxx

"The people were... umm...," Shawn began, visibly struggling to think of something to say. "...Okay, I guess? I kinda kept my _distance_ for most of the game, so I don't know what else to say about them."

xxx

"Fortunately," Bridgette's confessional butted in, "most of the people here were _grea_ _t_ _!_ Easily some of the _nicest_ ," Beth happily greeted the surfer on the Dock of Shame, " _sweetest_ ," Dakota gasped as she listened to Sammy and DJ's tale during the sixteenth episode, "most _creative_ ," B was shown assembling a scale-model of the island out of garbage during the fifth episode, " _compassionate_ ," DJ was shown stroking Bunny on the head, " _talented_ ," Beardo was shown making sounds next to the campfire during the third episode, " _devoted_ ," Sam, covered in bee stings, burst through the back door to the mess hall kitchen during the tenth episode, " _selfless_ ," Sammy entered one of the communal bathroom's stalls with a clip on her nose and a mop in her hand during the twentieth episode, " _dedicated_ ," Shawn was shown talking about his plans for a zombie-proof bunker in the previous episode, " _passionate_ ," Sierra gave Chris a sudden hug at the end of the tenth episode, " _insightful_ ," Dawn gave Jo a palm-reading during the fifth episode, "and _courageous_ people I've ever met!" Geoff drew the Sasquatchanakwa's attention with a few thrown rocks during the sixteenth episode before leading it away from a concerned Bridgette.

The surfer's smile faded into a scowl as she continued her confession. "Well, I guess there _were_ a few people I couldn't _stand_." A shot was shown of Alejandro, Jo, Lightning, Amy, and Scott all pushing and shoving each other to get into the center of the screen.

xxx

"The one thing I'll be remembered for?" Shawn echoed, raising an eyebrow as a montage of him saying "zombie" or "zombies" in a wide variety of tones and situations began. "To be honest, it'll _probably_ be my ability to survive the zombie apocalypse," he admitted once the confessional footage resumed.

xxx

"What will I be remembered for?" Bridgette repeated before tapping her chin in thought. As with Shawn, a montage of some of her moments began to play, this particular one focusing on the several times she said "Oh crap!" or something similar during the season.

"Well, I guess it would have to be my ability to keep calm under pressure," Bridgette told the camera with a smile.

xxx

/

The scene finally cut to a shot of some pine trees before zooming out and showing Shawn, Chris, and Bridgette standing in a clearing and facing the camera. Behind the three of them was a long white line, and behind that were two sets of bleachers with banners above them – the one on the left had Shawn's face on it, and the one on the right had Bridgette's.

"Now it's time to welcome the twenty campers who did not make it to the finals!" Chris announced, motioning to stage right as the former contestants filed into the area – Staci, Ezekiel, Sugar, Scott, Beth, Sierra, Topher, Sam, Beardo, Dawn, Amy, Geoff, Dakota, DJ, B, Sammy, Scarlett, Lightning, Jo, and Alejandro. The two finalists waved at their former competition as they passed by, and Bridgette blushed when Geoff sent a wink and a finger pistol her way.

"Would everyone who's walked the Dock of _Shame_ ," the host instructed with a light chuckle, "and left camp on the Boat of _Losers_ , kindly take a seat in the Peanut Gallery of _Failure_. The side you _choose_ should represent who you would like to cheer on to victory in today's final competition."

As he spoke, eleven campers took the surfer's side: Staci, Ezekiel, Sierra, Dakota, Geoff, B, DJ, Dawn, Sammy, Topher, and Scarlett. Once they were seated, the camera panned to the nine walking into the survivalist's side of the gallery: Sugar, Scott, Lightning, Amy, Jo, Alejandro, Sam, Beth, and Beardo. Only the latter three looked at all enthused to be there.

"Well," Shawn gulped as he looked over the six scowling faces, "that doesn't really fill me with a lot of _confidence_..."

"I guess they had to sit _somewhere_ ," Bridgette added in an uneasy tone.

xxx

"I actually haven't spoken to the, uh, _others_ about this," Alejandro explained in the confessional, his missing tooth still very visible, "but I imagine they feel the same as me. Namely, that _Bridgette_ needs to _lose_. If that means we are forced to support that smelly woodsman Shawn, then so be it."

xxx

The scene cut back to Bridgette as she looked over her own supporters, her smile turning into a frown as she noticed Scarlett sitting in the lower right-hand corner. "Uhh, I thought you were mad at me for voting you off?" Bridgette asked her redheaded former teammate hesitantly.

"I...," Scarlett began, pausing as she decided what to say. " _apologize_ for what I said that day. The stress of the competition finally got to me, and caused me to say a number of things I didn't truly mean, and have since come to regret. I still don't appreciate you voting me out, but as you were the one who gave Alejandro both the dare that _I_ created, as well as the one that led to his elimination," the camera quick-panned to the charmer as he crossed his arms and huffed, "I'm willing to overlook your previous transgression."

"Uh, thanks!" Bridgette said, resuming her smile.

"Incidentally," Scarlett continued, this time addressing the host with an irritated tone, "I believe I speak for the majority of us when I say that we were _expecting_ this game to be decided by a vote among the eliminated contestants. _Why_ is there going to be another _challe_ _nge_ _?_ "

"Oh _yeah_ ," Chris answered her with a shrug and sly grin, " _right_... see, I _kinda_ lied about the whole _'voting'_ thing. I figured it would be a _great_ final twist if the winner was decided by a _challenge_ instead, and the producers agreed with me! Plus, it'll be _way_ more exciting this way." Both Scarlett and Alejandro were shown glaring at the host before the handsome man continued. "But hey! At least you can still help the camper of your choice to win!"

xxx

"If I had _known_ this would happen," Scarlett confessed, pinching the bridge of her nose and sighing, "then I would have adopted a _much_ different strategy during the competition. _Curse_ him and his purposely-obscure rules."

xxx

"Shawn, Bridgette" the host announced, "this is your chance to tell the Peanut Gallery of Failure what you would do with the money if you won, and why you deserve it."

"Well," the surfer began thoughtfully, "I think I've done pretty well for myself for getting this far. I stuck to my beliefs and proved that you don't need to stab people in the back in order to get ahead in a game like this, and that's _gotta_ count for _something_." Most of the people in her section of the bleachers smiled and nodded happily to one another while the majority on the other side shook their heads and rolled their eyes.

" _Wooo_ ~!" Geoff stood up and cheered. "That's my Bridge, stickin' it to the _m_ _an_ _!_ "

"Ha ha, yeah," Bridgette giggled and blushed, "thanks, Geoff. And if I win the money, I'd probably donate a lot of it to charity to help save the environment, and then maybe go to university too." She paused, spotting her boyfriend's expectant look as he motioned for her to continue. She smiled and rolled her eyes before adding "Oh, and I'll throw a big party too, and _all_ of you are invited."

She chuckled at Geoff's repeated " _Wooo~_!" and the cheers it heralded from the rest of her supporters – with Scarlett's the most subdued by far.

"Well I guess you got _my_ vote," Sugar announced, standing up and walking across to the other set of bleachers. She was joined shortly thereafter by Beth and Beardo, leaving only six people on Shawn's side of the stands.

" _Wow_ ," Chris told her, "that's really sweet, and not as _boring_ as I thought it was gonna be. Shawn?" He turned his attention to the bald young man, who awkwardly scratched the back of his neck.

"Uh, well, I guess I can't really top _that_ ," Shawn said. "See, it's been my goal for a while now to build a completely zombie-proof _bunker_ underground," he explained, taking out his blueprints and looking at them proudly. "I'm gonna need a _lot_ more than a hundred grand, though, so if I win I'm gonna use some of the money to start buying the materials and land I'll need, and invest the rest."

"Question!" Sugar interrupted, sticking her hand up into the air and waving it around. Shawn quirked an eyebrow and pointed to her, and the pageant queen continued. "Are you gonna be havin' any _parties_ at the bunker once it's finished?"

"Uh, no?" Shawn answered, brow still raised.

"If the zombie apocalypse _does_ happen," Sugar followed up immediately, "can _I_ hide in the bunker with you?"

"Sorry," the survivalist told her, "but it's _kinda_ meant for personal use only."

"Rats," Sugar said, snapping her fingers and crossing her arms in disappointment. "Looks like I'm goin' with the surfer after all."

"Alright!" Chris interrupted, the camera zooming out to get the entire cast in the shot. "It's time for the final challenge! The _Rejected Olympic Relay Ra_ _ce_ _!_ " A clip was shown of Chef Hatchet in a red track suit running along with a flaming toilet plunger in his hands. "Each of the three parts was pitched to the committee," the host said as his assistant stopped running and raised the plunger high, "but sadly, _rejected_ as an Olympic sport." Now next to a toilet on top of a three-level podium, Chef thrust the flaming plunger into the toilet bowl, dowsing it in a puff of steam.

"First," Chris said as the shot cut back to him and the two finalists, "each of you has to put on one of _these_." He held up a pair of animal hats and tossed them to the campers – a cow hat for Shawn, and a chicken hat for Bridgette.

The bald survivalist looked over his hat with a suspicious eye, and finally asked " _Wh_ _y_ _?_ "

"Is this supposed to be a _jok_ _e_ _?_ " Bridgette added in an equally suspicious tone.

"Dressed as a _cow_ and a _chicken_ ," Chris continued without acknowledging the questions, "run to the first location," the camera panned over to a pair of flag poles, orange on the left and purple on the right, "and _shimmy_ up the pole to retrieve your flag. If you don't have the flag," he said as the camera cut back to him, "then don't bother comin' down off that pole!"

" _Dang_ ," Geoff said from the stands, "looks like Bridgette has a _major_ disadvantage versus my tree-climbin' brother."

"Next," the host continued as the shot moved to a pair of long planks suspended across a wide gap, "you will cross a three-hundred meter balance beam, suspended across a _massive_ gorge," the camera began to zoom out slowly, revealing the faint shape of a nest in the rocks on either side, "while _carrying_ an eagle's egg!"

Shawn and Bridgette looked stunned. "Sounds simple enough," the blonde young woman said faintly.

"And that's not all!" Chris replied quickly. "Below," the camera panned down to show water at the gorge's bottom, "your friends, the rare-but-real, man-eating freshwater _shar_ _ks_ _!_ " A pair of the fish in question stuck their heads out of the water, and one licked its fishy lips.

"Not looking so simple now," Shawn admitted nervously.

"The _final_ leg of the race," the host continued, "is a long-distance run, returning to the finish line, _here_. First camper to arrive wins!"

"Well good luck," Bridgette said as she and Shawn put on their hats. "If I have to lose today, then I'm glad it'll be to you."

"Thanks," the double-hatted young man replied, "and same here. You've done pretty well, and I won't mind it too much if you beat me."

"Go Bridgette!" Geoff cheered again. "I know you can _do_ it babe, and then we're gonna _pa_ _rty_ _!_ "

"We sure will!" Bridgette answered excitedly, and her supporters cheered again.

"Go Shawn!" Sam countered enthusiastically. "Follow your dream, and kick some butt!" The gamer paused, then looked at the five sitting behind him. "C'mon, guys, show some _supp_ _ort_ _!_ "

The five rolled their eyes and crossed their arms for a few moments before Jo finally shouted "Don't mess up!"

" _Thanks_ ," Shawn said dryly as the camera cut back to the starting line. "Still, good to know _someone_ wants me to win." He grinned at Sam, who cheered again.

"On your _marks,_ " Chris announced once the cheering died down, Chef walking up in his regular uniform. "Get set," the two campers got into a running position as the host raised a hand high, " _G_ _O_ _!_ " The hand was waved down, and the two campers were off.

A tense and fast-paced tune began as Bridgette and Shawn raced towards their flags. Geoff suddenly ran up alongside his girlfriend and gave her a wink, while the survivalist was joined by Jo, Alejandro, and Lightning.

"You can do it, amigo," Alejandro told him, "we're _counting_ on you."

"So get _moving_ already!" Jo added with a bark.

xxx

" _Yeah_ ," Shawn confessed, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "I'm not really _comfortable_ with this kind of 'support'. I'd almost prefer a pack of ravenous _zombies_ as a motivator."

xxx

The static ended and Shawn came to his pole and started to shimmy up it. His unwanted entourage lingered below him, the two jocks growing visibly irritated while Alejandro watched Bridgette as she and Geoff approached.

"Hurry it up!" Jo barked. "We don't have all _day_ y'know!"

"Yeah," Lightning added, "sha-Lightning woulda already been _up_ there by now!"

Shawn looked down and scowled. "Well _sorry_ for not being able to _climb_ as quickly without any _handholds_!" He shot at them even as he pulled himself higher and higher.

The camera quick-panned over to Bridgette, who had just begun her own climb as well. "You _got_ this, Bridge!" Geoff told her with a grin.

"Th-thanks!" the surfer told him, keeping her eyes focused on the flag. She started to pull herself up again, but while trying to slide her legs up one of her feet lost it's grip and accidentally hit Geoff in the face. "Sorry!" Bridgette gasped at the sound of the impact and looked down in concern, finally noticing that she'd been joined by more than just the party-lover.

"And with that _tremendous_ blow," Topher told the camera, "Bridgette's shot at winning is in _peril_. Will she be able to recover?'

He was quickly shoved aside by an annoyed Sierra. "She doesn't need you to _narrate_ everything y'know," the tall girl said, "she just needs our _support_."

"That's what I'm _doing_ ," Topher said, brushing off where she had shoved him. "What better support _is_ there than having someone telling you how well you're doing after every move you make?"

"I dunno, eh," Ezekiel answered plainly, "but I bet she'd like gettin' a boost up _better_."

"Like _you_ would know," Topher scoffed.

"Umm, well, _I_ think he's right...," Sammy spoke up nervously.

"Uhh, thanks a lot for trying to help," Bridgette told them, causing the four to turn their attention up to her, "but I got this, don't worry."

"Yeah, babe, you kick his _but_ _t_ _!_ " Geoff cheered as the surfer began to climb faster, a confident smile on her face.

A triumphant sound was played as the camera focused on a hand grabbing an orange flag, before pulling out to show Shawn smiling proudly. "Okay," he called to those waiting below, "I'm _comin' dow_ _n_ _!_ " Tucking the flag into his shirt and his hands into his sleeves, he quickly slid back down – right on top of Jo, who had been distracted watching Bridgette.

"Hey, watch it!" the jock-ette barked after she and Shawn fell to the ground.

"Well I _did_ say I was coming down," the boy told her with a nervous chuckle before she violently shoved him off.

The camera quick-panned back to Bridgette as she, too, grabbed her flag. "I got it!" she cheered excitedly, looking down and noticing that Shawn was already running off.

"Just _jum_ _p_ _!_ " Geoff told her when he noticed her frown. "I'll catch you, you can _trust_ me!"

"Right!" Bridgette called back, failing to hide her nerves. "Her goes nothing...," she muttered before letting go of the pole. She fell quickly, but before she started to scream she was caught in her boyfriend's arms.

"Told ya you could count on me," Geoff told her with a smile.

"Thanks," Bridgette said with a blush, giving him a kiss on the lips.

"And with that _touching_ moment," Topher interrupted, "Bridgette falls just _slightly_ more behind."

"R-right!" Bridgette said in embarrassment, hopping back down to the ground and running off. Geoff frowned for a brief moment before grinning again and following after. Ezekiel and Sammy gave chase too, while Sierra gave Topher another shove before they headed off also.

xxx

"Kinda bummed that our kiss got cut short," Geoff confessed, "but it's no big deal. I don't wanna hold Bridgette back like that, and besides," he flicked his hat and grinned, "there'll be _plenty_ of time for that later. _Boo_ -yah!" He ended his outhouse time with a fist pump and a cheer.

xxx

/

The scene cut to the second leg of the challenge, where Chris and a young white male in a tank top, shorts, sunglasses, and fedora stood looking over the gorge. "Okay new intern," the host addressed the other man, "I know it's weird that you're starting on our last _show_ , but, all the other interns _died_ already."

If the intern made any comment about the alarming mortality rate of his predecessors, it was edited out.

"All you have to do," Chris continued, "is test out this final challenge and make sure it's _moderately_ safe." The nameless intern looked down at the water below, as one freshwater shark jumped into the air and snapped its jaws, and another beckoned to the tasty humans with a toothy grin.

The background music became tense as the intern silently began to walk forward along one of the balance beams. "Don't look down, dude!" Chris called from the safety of the cliff, distracting the intern and causing him to lose his balance. He swayed a few times before falling with a whistle and a splash, the sounds of him getting eaten by sharks audible even where Chris stood. " _Wow_ ," the handsome host said, his frown turning into a shrug, "that looks safe enough."

/

Shawn, still wearing the cow hat over his regular cap, was shown running in a group with Lightning, Jo, and Alejandro. "Uhh, can you guys stop _followin_ g me?" the survivalist asked. "I'm _pretty_ sure I can do this on my own."

Jo scoffed at him. "Please, like I'm gonna count on _you_ not to get spooked by a _squirrel_ or something and run off thinking it's a _zombie_."

" _Zomb_ _ie_ _?!_ " Shawn cried suddenly in alarm. "Where?!"

"Calm down, amigo!" Alejandro said quickly, snapping his fingers to get his former teammate's attention. "Neither our _boorish_ associate nor anyone else has seen one," Jo pursed her lips and glared. "so just focus on beating Bridgette. Let _us_ keep an eye out for anything that might hinder you, okay?"

"Uhh... okay?" Shawn said uncertainly. "Although I still don't get why _Lightning's_ here."

"Well," the athletic overachiever answered, "guess once everyone all started to run, Lightning couldn't help himself, he _had_ to get ahead of the pack! Ain't _nobody_ faster than _he_ is!"

"In your _dreams_ , Jockstrap!" Jo countered, pulling ahead of their group; Lightning immediately sped up as well, and the two jocks locked glares.

"Oh yeah," Shawn deadpanned, " _real_ grateful for all your _'_ _help_ _'._ "

/

The footage skipped ahead, showing the two freshwater sharks circling in the water at the bottom of the gorge as a dramatic tune began to play in the background. The camera rotated up to show Shawn looking down from the top of the cliff, then shifted over to the opposite side as Chris, Chef, and Sam walked up.

Shawn gulped, then went to grab an egg from the nearby nest. "Well be waiting for you up ahead," Alejandro told him.

"Yeah," Jo added, "so make it quick so we can get this over with."

"Thanks," Shawn muttered.

The camera followed the bald boy as he took a few tentative steps onto the balance beam, then cut back across the gorge. "Okay," Chris narrated, "Shawn has his eagle's egg and is starting the second challenge!"

"Uh, what are the _eggs_ for anyway?" Sam asked.

"Oh, _you'll_ see," Chef answered with a dark smile.

The camera cut back across just as Bridgette and her entourage arrived. "Oh...," Bridgette murmured nervously as she laid wide eyes on the gorge she was expected to cross, "oh _wow_..."

"Just take it easy," Geoff told her, placing his hands on her shoulders and spinning her around to face him, "and, uh, don't look down. Or, y'know, think about the man-eating sharks that are waiting at the bottom. Just focus on the party we're gonna throw when you _win_ , okay?"

Bridgette took another glance at the gorge and gulped. "Y-yeah. I'll try. Thanks." She picked up her egg, and began to inch across the board. The music was tense as the camera shifted from one competitor to the other as first Shawn then Bridgette fought to maintain their balance.

"The fates of both contestants are literally _in_ the _balance_ ," Topher narrated in a dramatic tone. "One wrong move could spell their doom. Will either of them be able to pull ahead in this _death-defying_ challenge? It truly is an appropriate challenge to end Total Drama Island, and kudos to Chris McLean for coming up with it."

"Thanks, Toph!" the host called from across the way.

Topher grinned and shot a pair of finger pistols back at the holder man, oblivious to the frowns he was getting from the others still on the far side of the gorge. "Dude, quit it!" Geoff told him. "Can't you see you're _distracting_ her?"

"Fine, fine," the pretty boy answered with a wave of his hand. "I'll tone it down. Just wanted to set the right _mood_ , you know?"

"Yeah, well, things are tense enough as it is, dude," Geoff told him. "Bridge doesn't need anything else to distract her. Now c'mon, let's go over to the other side."

The two finalists were shown sliding their feet slowly along their respective balance beams, the surfer having nearly caught up, when a sudden series of screeches startled them.

"What was that?!" Shawn exclaimed, nearly fumbling his egg.

"Oh crap," Bridgette cried out, pointing a finger upwards, " _loo_ _k_ _!_ " A pair of screeching bald eagles was shown swooping towards them before the camera cut over to Chris, Jo and Lightning also coming back into view.

"Angry _eagle_ parents, anyone?" the host quipped to the two ex-contestants.

"Not too bad," the jock-ette said with a small smile. "Looks like this might actually be _interesting_."

"Just make a run for it, dude!" Lighting shouted. "It's just a bird, it ain't nothin' to be _scared_ of!"

Chris snorted and began to laugh. "Yeah, you should _totally_ do that!" he advised the survivalist. "That would be _awesome_ to watch!" Shawn just scowled at the laughing host and kept moving at the same slow pace he'd been going at.

"Oh, my!" another voice exclaimed, the camera panning left as Dawn seemed to slide into view. DJ was a few feet behind her, looking down at her out-of-camera feet and raising an eyebrow. "Those poor birds!" the mystic said, pointing at the eagles as they swooped between then two finalists.

"Yeah, man," the gentle giant added, "why'd you have to get those eagles involved? Ain't this challenge already dangerous _enou_ _gh_ _?_ "

"Not _really_ ," Chris told him. "It's more exciting if there's something that could knock them over. And," he chuckled again, "it's _funnier_ , too."

xxx

"I can only hope that neither of those eggs is _dropped_ before being returned to their rightful homes," Dawn told the outhouse camera. "Chris McLean is _truly_ despicable."

xxx

"Hey," Chris shrugged happily, "I do what I can!"

xxx

The eagles screeched and made to dive again. "It's coming for another pass!" Shawn shouted in warning, and the two finalists managed to duck as the angry raptors swooped right over their heads.

"Maybe we really _should_ go faster!" Bridgette shouted in suggestion.

"I guess so!" Shawn called back, and the two picked up their pace – still not fast enough to be walking, but noticeably swifter than their previous shuffle.

"And yet _another_ quality twist," Topher commented as he and the surfer's other supporters reached the far side of the cliff.

"Thanks again, dude," Chris said with a brief smile towards the boy.

"I _believe_ in you, Bridge!" Geoff suddenly shouted, pushing past Topher and Alejandro and dashing up to the end of his girlfriend's balance beam. "You're totally amazing! And watch out for the eagle, it's comin' back again!"

Sure enough, Bridgette looked up in time to spot the bird as it began to dive, and managed to duck. Shawn wasn't so lucky, and was forced to quickly lean backwards to avoid getting hit. This caused him to briefly lose his balance, allowing Bridgette to take the lead.

The bald survivalist managed to regain stability, though, and breathed a sigh of relief when he stopped swaying.

"Nice recovery!" Sam told him encouragingly. "Just keep going and you'll be here in no time!"

"But 'no time' won't be _quick_ enough, I'm afraid," Alejandro murmured as he stepped closer to the edge of the cliff. "Oh Bridgette!" he called as he grabbed the edges of his partially-opened shirt. "Why don't you take another look at _thi_ _s_ _!_ " In a swift motion he revealed his chest, the camera zooming in on his well-toned muscles and lingering for a few moments as a Latin riff was briefly added to the music.

The shot cut back to Bridgette, who paused in a wide-eyed and gaping stupor long enough for an oblivious Shawn to catch back up. The surfer shook her head and glared at her shirtless ex-competition. "That's not gonna work!" she told him. "You're too much of a _jerk_ , and besides, Geoff's right there!"

"Hah!" the party boy shouted at the charmer. "In your _face_ , dude!"

Alejandro shrugged and put his shirt back on. "Well, it was worth a shot, and more than a couple _others_ have done," he said with a brief look of disapproval towards Jo and Lightning, the former of which returned the glare.

"And hey," Topher nudged his arm, "it's not like it was _completely_ unappreciated!" He pointed at one of the eagles that was circling above; it had paused to look at the attractive human, but in doing so forgot to get out of it's mate's flight path. The two birds collided and fell all the way into the water below, where they were immediately snatched up by one of the sharks and eaten.

"Oh, _n_ _o_ _!_ " Dawn gasped, dashing to the edge of the cliff and looking over. "Those poor eagles!"

"Dude!" DJ chastised the charmer, tears beginning to form in his eyes. "Those eggs are _orphans_ now 'cause of you!"

"I didn't _mean_ to!" Alejandro said defensively. "How was _I_ supposed to know that would happen?"

"Aww, who _cares_ about _those_ things?" Jo interrupted. "It's just a couple _birds_ , they would've been eaten sooner or later." She promptly ignored the glares from DJ and Dawn, and the camera panned right to show the finalists at the end of the second leg of the challenge. Shawn got back on solid ground a few steps ahead of Bridgette, but the surfer was closer to the nest so they managed to place their eggs down at about the same time.

"Good luck," Bridgette said as she ran off with Geoff and most of the others hot on her tail.

"You too," Shawn replied as he also began running, soon joined by his four supporters.

/

The scene cut to the remaining campers milling about at the finish line. A slow and patient tune began to play as the camera passed over each former contestant in turn: Scarlett reading a large book in silence; Dakota texting on her cellphone; Sugar giving Staci a slap when the brunette opened her mouth to speak; Beardo, Beth, and B waiting calmly; and Amy and Scott, the only ones left on Shawn's section of the gallery, looking bored.

"Psst!" Scott suddenly hissed, scooting closer to the cheerleader as she filed her nails. "Hey!"

Amy looked over at the farmer and scowled. "What do _you_ want?"

"I was thinkin'," Scott told her, "that maybe we should go out there and give Z _ombie Boy_ some extra _support_ , if you know what I _mean_."

"Uh, why would I do _th_ _at_ _?_ " Amy asked snippily. "I only cheer for judges and people I like, and Baldy's _neither_."

Scott rolled his eyes. "I don't mean _cheering_ ," he whispered, "I mean we go out there and sabotage _Bridgette_ and make sure she _lo_ _ses_ _!_ "

"Hey! Now _there's_ an idea!" Amy said, her face lighting up into a smile. "Ooh, can we do it in front of my sister? I want Samey _be there_ to see her pathetic friend's _failure_."

"Fine with me," Scott smirked. "Now let's get goin', we don't have much time." The cheerleader and farmer promptly left the stands, the camera panning over to show Scarlett watching them with a raised eyebrow.

xxx

"Scott and Amy are _obviously_ up to something," the brainiac told the confession camera. "Presumably, their goal is to prevent Bridgette from crossing the finish line first. But if I foil their no-doubt _pathetic_ plan, then Bridgette _may_ be grateful enough to either give me a share of the money, or provide some _other_ favor."

xxx

Back at the Peanut Gallery of Failure, Scarlett shrugged, closed her book, and quietly followed Scott and Amy away from the stands.

/

The footage cut back to Shawn and Bridgette as they ran through the woods, only Geoff still accompanying them.

"I'm gonna stay by your side cheerin' you on all the way to the _finish_ , babe!" the party-lover said before turning his attention to the other finalist. "Sorry dude, but you're goin' _dow_ _n_ _!_ "

"Thanks, Geoff, that's really sweet" the surfer smiled. "And... hey, where'd everyone else go?"

"I think they probably took a shortcut back to the _finish line_ ," Shawn informed her. "The route Chris told us to take winds around a lot, remember?"

"Oh yeah," Bridgette answered, "I forgot about that. I'm happy they want me to win, but it was getting kinda _crowded_."

"At least you have more than one person actually _rooting_ for you," Shawn told her. "I'm pretty sure all of _my_ supporters are only in it because me _winning_ means you _losing_."

"Yeah, that's gotta suck," the chicken-hatted young woman replied. "Still, at least it wasn't a vote like we were _expecting_ it to be, right?"

"True," the cow-hatted young man admitted as the three began to pass by the buildings of Camp Wawanakwa – the mess hall, communal bathrooms, and sole remaining cabin were visible in the backround. "At least this way we both have a _chance_."

"For real, bro," Geoff said with a nod. "Watching you and Bridge compete like this is _way_ better, and I _know_ she's still gonna-" the background music spiked dramatically; he was cut off when he suddenly tripped over a large rock and fell flat on his face.

"Geoff!" Bridgette cried in anguish, stopping in her tracks and doubling back to her fallen boyfriend.

"Oohh, it _hu_ _rts_ _!_ " Geoff said, clutching his left leg and rolling on the ground in agony. "It _huuuurrr_ _ts_ _!_ "

"Don't worry," Bridgette told him in concern, "I'm here for you..."

"No!" the party boy cried, grabbing onto her shirt. "You can't... stay back! You have to go on... without me! Don't let Shawn... get ahead!"

"Uhh, I'm actually still here," the survivalist interrupted, abruptly drawing both blonde's attention to him. "I don't wanna win because my opponent's boyfriend _tripped_."

"Thanks," Bridgette told him, "that means a lot to me."

"Yeah, dude," Geoff added in between stuttered breaths. "Now both of you, get _go_ _in'_ _!_ I'll be fine, I don't think it's that _ser_ _ious_ _!_ "

"A-are you _sur_ _e_ _?_ " the surfer told him, still concerned.

"Absolutely _positive_ ," the party boy answered. "Now go, I'll try to meet you back at the finish line!"

Bridgette bit her lip uncertainly, but after Geoff made another pleading motion to leave she finally turned. "C'mon," she told Shawn after a quick sniffle, "let's get going."

"Right," the bald boy said with a nod. A moment later, their race had resumed.

/

" _Okay_ ," Scott whispered to Amy as they ducked behind a large bush, "once Bridgette runs by, we'll start making _yeti_ sounds to scare her and get her to run in a different direction."

" _That's_ your _pla_ _n_ _?_ " Amy asked incredulously.

"Hey, _you_ try coming up with something on such short notice!" Scott shot back in defense. "Besides, it's not like we wanna get _caught_."

"Uggh, _fine_ ," the cheerleader grudgingly replied. "But don't blame _me_ when this doesn't work."

"I'll blame whoever I _wanna_ _blame_ , Blondie," the farmer said with a roll of his eyes.

As Amy gasped and growled at her current partner in crime, the camera pulled back and cut to Scarlett watching the unaware duo behind them some ways away. She was partially hidden behind a tree, quickly scanning the area for something she could use to disrupt the plan being prepared before her eyes. The camera focused on a dead branch of decent size suspended just above the would-be plotters, then cut back to the redheaded genius smirking.

The camera lingered on the shot of her as she began to concentrate, eyes moving rapidly around and eventually settling on the trunk of a nearby tree. She smiled and walked over to it quietly, then gave it a strong kick.

The shot cut back to Scott and Amy as they heard a rustling coming from above them and looked up to see the dead branch, now dislodged and falling. The promptly screamed and tried to run in the direction of their partner, resulting in their swift collision and the branch hitting them on the heads. They fell to the ground in a heap, the two failed saboteurs lying next to each other under the branch.

/

The scene moved back to Bridgette and Shawn as they raced through the rather open part of woods that had been designated as their course. The two finalists seemed evenly matched, constantly jockeying for the lead.

"Hey, good job on keeping up with me," Shawn said. "I honestly never took you for a strong runner!"

"Thanks!" Bridgette told him. "I'm usually not, I guess it's just the thrill of being in the finals. Well, that and I don't wanna let Geoff down."

"Yeah, adrenaline sure works wonders, huh?" the bald survivalist chuckled. "Although I guess _love_ can be pretty powerful too. You really like him, huh?"

"Yeah!" the surfer told her rival with a smile. "I really, really do!"

"Then I hope you two stay happy together!" Shawn added before darting forward with a sudden burst of speed. Smirking happily, Bridgette pushed herself to go faster as well.

/

The footage flashed over to Geoff as he slowly dragged himself across the ground. "Okay," he said with a pant as he paused his movement, "time to stop messin' around. Bridge is gonna want me there when she wins, so I gotta...," she pushed himself to his feet and stood there wobbling for a moment.

"Sh' _ye_ _ah_ _!_ " he cheered once he'd finally gotten himself steady, triumphant music rising in the background before he set off at a limp.

/

Back at the stands, nearly all of the former contestants had returned to their seats, the only exceptions being Geoff, Scott, and Amy. The others waited in expectant silence while Chris and Chef stood a few steps past the center of the finish line; the camera panned from the nearly-empty bleachers reserved to Shawn's supporters to the nearly-packed space reserved for Bridgette's, just as faces began to light up with excitement.

"Hey look," Sammy said, standing up and pointing into the distance, "they're _coming_!"

The background music picked up the pace as Bridgette and Shawn were shown racing towards the finish from a variety of angles. "There they are," Chris announced as the camera briefly cut back to him and Chef before moving back to the racers in their cow- and chicken-hats, "two _real_ competitors, and if I may say, _truly_ personifying the _spirit_ of the Reject Olympics."

Bridgette's supporters began to cheer loudly as she and Shawn were shown getting closer, and the camera panned over to the other section of the gallery to show Sam also cheering in excitement. Behind him, Alejandro was leaning forward with an expectant look on his face, while Jo and Lightning seemed to have gotten into a silent rock-paper-scissors match and were only occasionally paying attention to the race.

The two finalists had begun to pant and sweat heavily as they kept trying to pass each other. "Maybe we should've paced ourselves better?" The chicken-bearing surfer suggested.

"Probably," the cow-wearing survivalist answered, "but it's too late for that now."

They continued in silence for a few more meters before Bridgette noticed who was cheering for her in the Peanut Gallery – or rather, who wasn't.

"Hey, I'm sure he'll get back okay!" Shawn told his rival upon seeing her face fall.

"I know," Bridgette replied, "I was just hoping he'd _be_ there when I cross the finish line."

"Yeah, well, I'm not gonna slow down now," Shawn told her, "heck, I'm not sure I even _ca_ _n_ _!_ "

"Guess we better get this over with then," Bridgette said with a hint of sadness in her voice.

/

The camera quick-panned back to the finish line, showing the cheering campers before focusing in on the two who seemed to care the least.

"Hah!" Jo laughed. "Scissors cuts paper, I win again!"

"Aww, man!" Lightning moaned. "C'mon dude, best seventeen outta thirty-three? Lightning _knows_ he can win if he just keeps goin'!"

Jo rolled her eyes. "Just admit that you lost to a _girl_ already, jeez!"

"Girl?" Lightning asked, perking his head up in confusion. " _What_ girl? Lightning don't see no girls up here!"

" _Me_ _!_ " Jo barked at him angrily. "I meant _m_ _e_ _!_ _I'm_ a girl!"

"Sha- _wha_ _t_ _?!_ " the jock exclaimed. "You _ar_ _e_ _?!_ I thought the other guys were just _jokin'_ about that!"

"Yeah, well, they _weren't_ ," the jock-ette glared. "You're the _only_ one who didn't know, _Brig_ _htning_ _!_ "

"To be fair," Alejandro said, turning his head to smirk at his former competition, " _nobody_ blames you for your mistake, amigo."

Jo pursed her lips and stood up. "Y'know _what_ ," she declared, "I've had about _enough_ of you, _Al_."

"Oh, _rea_ _lly_ _?_ " Alejandro replied, eye twitching at the nickname as he, too, stood up. "And what _exactly_ are you going to do about it?"

" _This_ ," the jock-ette said bluntly before landing a swift and hard kick between the handsome boy's legs.

The impact was loud enough to gain the attention of nearly everyone around, and Chris and Chef in particular were shown wincing in pain.

" _Mis cojones_...!" Alejandro squeaked, bringing his hands to the affected area and falling to his knees.

"Like I told you on the first day here," Jo told him as she grabbed the tall boy by the collar and dragged him off the stands, "stay out of my _way_ if you value your _kiwis_ , got it?" He could only whimper as the jock-ette carried him all the way to the outhouse confessional, kicked open the door and threw the charmer inside. The point-of-view briefly cut to the interior camera as Alejandro, eyes wide and starting to tear up, watched helplessly as the door was slammed shut. Back outside, Jo stuck a long stick through the handle, preventing the door from being opened even as Alejandro began to pound at it from inside.

"Let me _ou_ _t_ _!_ " he demanded, voice returning to normal. "You can't _do_ this to me!"

" _Can_ and _did_ , hombre," Jo smirked, dusting her hands off and jogging back to the stands.

/

"Huh," Shawn muttered as he raised an eyebrow in confusion. "I wonder what _that_ was about?"

"Who knows," Bridgette responded with a small shake of her head.

A sudden rustling in the bushes ahead and to their left turned their attention and caused Bridgette to gasp.

It was Amy, walking oddly and with a noticeable lump on her forehead. "Uggh," she groaned, "what _hit_ me?" She quickly shook her head and noticed Bridgette and Shawn running closer. "You!" she exclaimed once before beginning to wobble again. "I... I'm not gonna let you _win_ , you...you _dolphin-lov_ _er_ _!_ " She pointed menacingly at Bridgette and broke into an unsteady run on an interception course.

"Uhh...," the surfer said for lack of anything else.

"Umm, just so you know, I had _nothing_ to do with that," Shawn stated.

"Didn't think so," Bridgette told him in increasing shock and alarm as the growling cheerleader drew closer to them. "We should probably-"

"NOT SO FAST, LADY-DUDE!" A familiar voice shouted, eliciting another gasp from the two finalists and causing Amy to give pause just long enough for Geoff to leap out of the bushes and tackle her.

" _Geo_ _ff_ _?!_ " Bridgette exclaimed as both runners stopped out of shock as the party boy and mean twin began to wrestle in an incredibly one-sided fashion.

"Keep goin', Bridge!" Geoff told her as he grabbed Amy's arms and pinned her on her stomach. "You gotta _win_ this thing, I know you can do it!"

Bridgette quickly wiped a tear from her eye, and nodded. "Thanks!" she smiled, turning and sprinting towards the finish line.

"Ah, crap," Shawn muttered, taking off just a few moments after and having to catch up. The background music picked up the pace again as he fought to first close the gap and then gain a lead, but each time they heard Geoff's loud cheers over the din of everyone else's support Bridgette managed to pull ahead just a little bit further.

Still, it was a close race to the end, to the point that Sam and even Jo were still cheering for Shawn in their own ways up until seconds before somebody crossed first.

"BRIDGETTE WINS!" Chris announced with a cheer, joining the celebration along with Chef Hatchet.

"I won?!" the surfer repeated in shock as her friends began to come down from the stands to congratulate her. "I _wo_ _n_ _!_ " She stood in joy for several moments as she looked at those cheering for her; even Shawn and Sam had joined in.

"You did it, babe!" Geoff said, finally crossing the finish line at a fast limp. "Aww, Bridgette, you were _amazi_ _ng_ _!_ "

"Thank you _so mu_ _ch_ _!_ " Bridgette replied, throwing her arms around his shoulders and giving him a big kiss on the lips.

The camera quickly cut away to show Beth and Sammy saying " _Awww_ ~!" at the loving moment.

"Seriously, thanks for _everything_ ," Bridgette told her boyfriend when they finally broke their kiss. "I don't think I could've won without you, and... hey, wait, what happened to...?" She furrowed her brow and tilted her head to get a look over Geoff's shoulder at the race course.

The camera quick-panned over to show Amy lying on the ground groaning, bumps on the front and back of her head. Another quick flash showed Scott getting to his feet near the large bush he and Amy had been hiding behind. "What _happened_...?" he groaned, rubbing a bump on the back of his head as well as a swollen eye.

The camera quick-panned back to Geoff and Bridgette looking into each other's eyes. "Who cares about _that_ , babe," the young man said softly before breaking into a grin and turning to address the others, "when we got a _party_ to look forward to!"

Immediately, the ex-contestants broke out into another, louder cheer.

xxx

Alejandro, examining his missing tooth in a hand mirror , heard the cheering from outside and looked around frantically. "Who won?!" he asked loudly, eyes darting around the outhouse. "Can someone _please_ let me out now, I want to know who _w_ _on_ _!_ " He looked around for another moment before adding "Is anybody even _liste_ _ning_ _?!_ "

xxx

/

A calm, yet triumphant piece of music played as the island was shown from a distance, the full moon high in the night sky. The camera zoomed in on the glow of a campfire just visible in the shot, and cut to a panning shot across the campers. Twenty-one had assembled on the stumps seats: Beth and Beardo; Sam and Dakota; Sierra and Staci; Sugar; Scott and Amy and Lightning giving them a suspicious glare; Ezekiel and Topher; DJ and Dawn and Sammy; B and Scarlett; Jo and Alejandro; and lastly, Shawn – sans cow hat – and Geoff.

"Here we are," Chris announced in a grandiose tone, cupping his hands together as he walked past the fire, "at the _last_ bonfire _ev-e_ _r_ _!_ After eight brutal weeks, it is _my_ pleasure to _announce_ , the _winner_ of Total Drama Island," a drumline began to roll, " _Bridg_ _ette_ _!_ "

"Yeah!" the now-hatless surfer cheered, raising her fist into the air and stepping forward. The vast majority of the other campers joined in the celebration, and Geoff left his seat to grab Bridgette and swing her around. She laughed, and gave him a deep hug. "How's your leg? I hope you didn't hurt it _too_ bad, considering I owe my win to you."

"It's fine, babe," the party-lover told her. "And you should give yourself some more credit, _you're_ the one who got you this far, not me. The most _I_ did was cheer you on. And you don't have to throw a party just 'cause of me either."

"True," Bridgette told him with a smile, "but thanks anyway, and I'm _totally_ gonna throw a party next week, and _everyone_ is invited!" She looked out over the others as she finished speaking and they started cheering again, lingering longest on Alejandro who closed his eyes and smirked.

" _Bridgette_ ," Chris announced suddenly, drawing all the attention back to him and the sole marshmallow resting between his fingers as reverent music began to play, "at this time, I give you the _ultimate_ symbol of survival: the _Final Marshmallow_." He placed it in the surfer's waiting hand, and she smiled at it proudly.

"Go on, babe," Geoff told her, "you deserve it."

"I do, don't I? Bridgette replied, and as the music reached a triumphant peak she bit into it, earning another round of cheers.

"Hey dudes," Geoff told the other ex-campers, "you know what it's _time_ for?" He turned a devilish grin towards the host as Shawn and DJ rose from their seats, grinning similarly enough to give Chris McLean a worried look.

/

The footage skipped forward to the Dock of Shame, the Boat of Losers nowhere in sight. "N-no! No, guys! My _ha_ _ir_ _!_ _DUD_ _ES_ _!_ " the host protested, the camera panning left up the pier to show the man being carried by Geoff, Shawn, and DJ. They were accompanied by Bridgette, Sammy, Dawn, Scarlett, and Alejandro, all five laughing as the group reached the end of the dock.

"One," the guys chanted together, "two, THREE!" With a mighty heave, the 'Host with the Most' was launched into the air over the lake. He flailed wildly, but fell into the water with a mighty splash all the same. He surfaced quickly, spitting out a mouthful of water as the campers laughed.

"I've been wanting to do _that_ all summer!" Chef Hatchet said, joining in the festivities near the three boys, not noticing the impish looks they gave him. "How do you like _that_ , pretty boy? _Hu_ _h_ _?_ "

"Oh, Chef~!" Geoff sang mischievously, causing the cook's eyes to go wide.

"Sorry dude, but you're next," DJ told him, placing a hand on the older man's shoulder. The others were shown laughing again as Chef was chased past them. Dawn and Sammy left, leaving only Bridgette, Scarlett, and Alejandro.

"Hey, did you mean what you said earlier?" Bridgette asked her former teammate. "About being sorry for what you said before you were voted out?"

Scarlett looked at her silently for a moment before answering "Yes. I _deeply_ regret my actions that day, and I will be careful not to repeat those mistakes in the future."

"Cool!" Bridgette smiled, a gesture that was returned by Scarlett before she turned to leave.

She only took a step before pausing and looking back. "Oh, and one other thing..."

"Yes?" Bridgette said expectantly.

"Ah... never mind," Scarlett answered after a moment, "it was just an idle thought that didn't turn out how I predicted it would. Forget I said anything." Bridgette shrugged in acceptance and Scarlett continued walking away, the camera catching an ugly scowl on the redhead's face before cutting back to Bridgette and Alejandro.

"All things considered," the handsome boy said, absentmindedly touching where his missing tooth should be, "you were a more worthy adversary than I expected."

"Thanks, I guess," Bridgette replied with an amused smirk. "Does this mean you'll rethink how you treat other people?"

Alejandro paused a moment, then shook his head and chuckled. "Next time we meet, señorita, things will be _much_ different, I assure you. But until then, good night!" He turned and made his way back towards camp.

Bridgette sighed, but smiled when she heard Chef's cries behind her. Tucking her hands into the central pocket of her hoodie, she turned and walked back as well. The camera zoomed up and out, showing Shawn, Geoff, and DJ still chasing after Chef Hatchet, and the flickering lights against the buildings of Camp Wawanakwa.

/

/

/

((THAT IS WHAT _COULD_ HAVE HAPPENED))

((BUT WHAT _REALLY_ HAPPENED IS...))

/

/

/

"Huh," Shawn muttered as he raised an eyebrow in confusion. "I wonder what _that_ was about?"

"Who knows," Bridgette responded with a small shake of her head.

A sudden rustling in the bushes ahead and to their left turned their attention and caused Bridgette to gasp.

It was Scott, stumbling around covered in dirt and leaves and with a noticeably swollen left eye. "Urrgh...," he groaned as he shambled out into the open part of the forest ahead of Bridgette and Shawn. "Urrrnggh...!" He noticed the two finalists approaching him, and stumbled towards them with his hand outstretched.

"What's _wrong_ with him?!" Bridgette exclaimed.

"Oh no," Shawn gasped, "it's finally happened! It's a z-z-z-z-ZOMBIE!" His eyes went wide with alarm, and Scott's subsequent grunt of confusion sent the paranoid survivalist running faster than he had all day, arcing around the shambling farmer and straight for the cheering stands. "Gotta warn the others!" he shouted, and began waving his arms frantically.

"Wait, _wha_ _t_ _?!_ " Bridgette said, still in shock. She looked at Scott who was watching the boy run off with a confused grin. "Oh crap," the surfer cried out suddenly, "the _rac_ _e_ _!_ " She dashed forward, shoving aside Scott without a second thought as she desperately tried to make up for lost ground.

The scene cut back to the crowd, the cheers having long become confused murmurs as they watched Shawn sprint towards them, wildly waving his arms around and pointing behind him, and trying to tell them something while Bridgette pushed herself to close the gap between them.

"I have no _idea_ what he's saying," Sam said, "but he's _winni_ _ng_ _!_ _Yeah_ _!_ " The gamer quickly resumed his cheering, and was soon joined by Jo.

"ZOMBIE!" Shawn shouted again, now gasping for breath. "Everybody run!" Though his cry did give everyone pause, it was ignored the moment he stepped over the finish line.

"AND SHAWN IS THE WINNER!" Chris announced with a cheer as he and Chef Hatchet joined the small celebration.

The camera cut to Bridgette, who slowed to a stop a few yards from the finish line and fell to her knees. "No! I was so _cl_ _ose_ _!_ " she cried, pounding the ground in sadness and frustration.

xxx

Alejandro, examining his missing tooth in a hand mirror , heard the cheering from outside and looked around frantically. "Who won?!" he asked loudly, eyes darting around the outhouse. "Can someone _please_ let me out now, I want to know who _w_ _on_ _!_ " He looked around for another moment before adding "Is anybody even _listen_ _ing_ _?!_ "

xxx

Bridgette stayed there on her knees and sighed, only lifting her head when she heard someone walk up behind her.

"Man, it really sucks that you lost like that," Geoff told her, offering her his hand. "But hey, who coulda guessed that he'd suddenly have that kinda _messed up_ motivation, right?"

"I guess," Bridgette said glumly, allowing him to pull her back to her feet. "I just wish I could've done something to _stop_ him."

"Hey, don't worry about it!" the party lover said, putting an arm around her shoulder and walking back towards the finish line with her. "I mean yeah, you didn't win the hundred G's, but second place ain't so bad!"

"You know what?" Bridgette said, a smile forming on her face as she put her arms around her boyfriend's waist, "you're right. I should be _proud_ of myself for getting this far."

The camera lingered on their kiss.

/

Back at the finish line, several of Bridgette's supporters had joined in the cheering – Beardo and Beth; DJ, Sammy, and Dawn; Sierra, and Staci. Their added cries of jubilation were drowning out Shawn's attempted warnings until the panicking boy finally shouted " _STO_ _P_ _!_ " It stunned the crowd enough that they went silent for several seconds, allowing Shawn to at last get a word in. "Why are you people _celebratin_ _g_ _?!_ There's a _zombie_ coming, we have to _r_ _un_ _!_ " He gestured behind him wildly without taking his eyes off the crowd, and the viewpoint shifted to show Scott walking up behind him, his eye still swollen and a large bump on the back of his head.

The crowd gasped, and Shawn turned around. "Z-Z- _ZOMB_ _IE_ _!_ " he stammered, quickly backing away from the injured farmer.

"What are you _talking_ about?!" Scott asked irately. "I'm not _dead_ , I just got hit in the _head_ a couple times!"

"... _R_ _e_ _ally_?" Shawn replied, panic being rapidly replaced by confusion. "How the heck did _that_ happen?"

Scott went pale, and rubbed his head sheepishly. "Well, uh, _Amy_ dragged me off to try and sabotage _Bridgette_ earlier. I tried to _stop_ her, but then we got hit in the head by a falling _bran_ _ch_ _!_ " Only the camera caught Scarlett crossing her arms and frowning at the remark.

"Wait," Lightning said, dashing forward, "Amy's _hu_ _rt_ _?!_ "

"Uh-" was all Scott said before Lightning shoved him aside and ran off in the direction he'd come from, passing Bridgette and Geoff as they rejoined the group. The shot briefly cut over to the bush she had been hiding behind as she began to groan and stir, pulling herself to her feet. She touched the bump on her forehead, and winced.

"Hey, congrats on the win," the surfer told her friend and rival once the camera moved back to the finish line. "You _deserve_ it!"

Shawn looked at her, blinked once, and gasped. "I-I _did i_ _t_ _?!_ "

"You sure did, dude!" Chris told him. "And what an _awesome_ finish, too!"

"I did it! I _w_ _on_ _!_ " Shawn cheered, thrusting his arms up and jumping up and down in excitement. "I really _wo_ _n_ _!_ WOOHOOO~!"

At that, most of the campers began to cheer, with Sugar being one of the exceptions. "Aww, _shucks_ ," she said, snapping her fingers and slumping forward. "There goes the _party_..."

/

A calm, yet triumphant piece of music played as the island was shown from a distance, the full moon high in the night sky. The camera zoomed in on the glow of a campfire just visible in the shot, and cut to a panning shot across the campers. Twenty-one had assembled on the stumps seats: Beth and Beardo, Sam and Dakota, Sierra and Staci, Sugar, Scott and Amy and Lightning giving them a suspicious glare, Ezekiel and Topher, DJ and Dawn and Sammy, B and Scarlett, Jo and Alejandro, and lastly, Bridgette – sans chicken hat – with Geoff by her side.

"Here we are," Chris announced in a grandiose tone, cupping his hands together as he walked past the fire, "at the _last_ bonfire _ev-e_ _r_ _!_ After eight brutal weeks, it is _my_ pleasure to _announce_ , the _winner_ of Total Drama Island," a drumline began to roll, " _Sha_ _wn_ _!_ "

"Woohoo!" Shawn cheered as the camera moved to him, now without his cow hat but still quite bald beneath his toque. The others cheered with him to the extent they were each inclined, and the loner looked happier than he'd ever been on camera.

" _Shawn_ ," Chris announced suddenly, drawing all the attention back to him and the sole marshmallow resting between his fingers as reverent music began to play, "at this time, I give you the _ultimate_ symbol of survival: the _Final Marshmallow_." He placed it in the survivalist's waiting hand, and he held it up proudly.

"You deserve it, Shawn!" Bridgette told him happily before turning her smile to Geoff. "So how's your leg, anyway? It wasn't hurt _too_ bad, was it?"

"Nah, it's _fine_ ," Geoff told her. "Kinda bummed we won't be having a _party_ though."

"Well, _about_ that," Shawn spoke up as a jaunty guitar tune began to play, "after the initial _purchases_ and _investment_ s, there _might_ be enough left over for party – that is, if you guys _want_ one!" He gave the gathered teenagers a sly look, and they immediately broke into another cheer.

"Oh?" Bridgette said with a smile. "Aren't you afraid that _zombies_ might attack during a party?"

"Yeah," Shawn told her, "but that doesn't mean I shouldn't at least _try_ to have fun. And besides, I bet can make it pretty _saf_ _e_ _!_ " Bridgette just shook her head and chuckled.

"Hey dudes," Geoff told the other ex-campers as he and DJ rose from their seats, "you know what it's _time_ for?" They turned devilish grins towards Chris McLean as Shawn did the same, giving the host a worried look.

/

The footage skipped forward to the Dock of Shame, the Boat of Losers nowhere in sight. "N-no! No, guys! My _ha_ _ir_ _!_ _DUDES_ _!_ " the host protested, the camera panning left up the pier to show the man being carried by Geoff, Shawn, and DJ. They were accompanied by Bridgette, Sammy, Dawn, Scarlett, and Alejandro, all five cheering excitedly as the group reached the end of the dock.

"One," the guys chanted together, "two, THREE!" With a mighty heave, the 'Host with the Most' was launched into the air over the lake. He flailed wildly, but fell into the water with a mighty splash all the same. He surfaced quickly, spitting out a mouthful of water as the campers laughed.

"I've been wanting to do _that_ all summer!" Chef Hatchet said, joining in the festivities near the three boys, not noticing the impish looks they gave him. "How do you like _that_ , pretty boy? _Hu_ _h_ _?_ "

"Oh, Chef~!" Geoff sang mischievously, causing the cook's eyes to go wide.

"Sorry dude, but you're next," DJ told him, placing a hand on the older man's shoulder. The others were shown laughing again as Chef was chased past them. Dawn and Sammy left, leaving only Bridgette, Scarlett, and Alejandro.

"Hey, did you mean what you said earlier?" Bridgette asked her former teammate. "About being sorry for what you said before you were voted out?"

Scarlett looked at her silently for a moment before answering "Yes. I _deeply_ regret my actions that day, and I will be careful not to repeat those mistakes in the future."

"Cool!" Bridgette smiled, a gesture that was returned by Scarlett before she turned to leave.

She only took a step before pausing and looking back. "Oh, and one other thing..."

"Yes?" Bridgette said expectantly.

"Ah... never mind," Scarlett answered after a moment, "it was just an idle thought that didn't turn out how I predicted it would. Forget I said anything." Bridgette shrugged in acceptance and Scarlett continued walking away, the camera catching an ugly scowl on the redhead's face before cutting back to Bridgette and Alejandro.

"All things considered," the handsome boy said, absentmindedly touching where his missing tooth should be, "you were a more worthy adversary than I expected."

"Thanks, I guess," Bridgette replied with an amused smirk. "Does this mean you'll rethink how you treat other people?"

Alejandro paused a moment, then shook his head and chuckled. "Next time we meet, señorita, things will be _much_ different, I assure you. But until then, good night!" He turned and made his way back towards camp.

Bridgette sighed, but smiled when she heard Chef's cries behind her. Tucking her hands into the central pocket of her hoodie, she turned and walked back as well. The camera zoomed up and out, showing Shawn, Geoff, and DJ still chasing after Chef Hatchet, and the scattered lights flickering against the buildings of Camp Wawanakwa.

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus we arrive at the season's end, barring the special setting up the next. I hope all you newcomers were surprised by the double endings! It's something I've done for all the seasons, so you'll know to expect it in the future.
> 
> Ultimately, for the sake of this series' continuity, Shawn remains the canon winner of Total Drama Island. That decision was fueled primarily by the ease of which he could be coaxed into the challenge that sets up TDA; I could have made it work for Bridgette as well, but Shawn was absolutely the path of least resistance and I see no reason to change that in this (or any) revision.
> 
> At any rate, Shawn is a fine winner – skilled, eccentric, and just antisocial enough to make it through the early merge without a target on his back due to the presumption of a vote ultimately deciding the season's winner.
> 
> Noting too much else to say. I'm not entirely sold on my inclusion of Jo trapping Alejandro in the outhouse; it worked in canon with Leshawna and Heather, but the impact is a lot weaker here and feels much more like I did it just because the scene was there in canon. But even so, it's not like I have any ideas of what to replace it with, and it provides a nice scene break for the point of divergence to occur at, so maybe it's not all bad.
> 
> And speaking of the point of divergence between the two endings... I had originally done it that way because the canon PoD – which ultimately amounted to where exactly Izzy was standing with the tray of brownies she was using to motivate Owen – was kinda lackluster and anticlimactic. Thus, I changed it to be which of the two would-be saboteurs stood up first, which in turn affected how the two finalists got motivated.
> 
> To be honest I'm not entirely sure it's that much better than canon's. But that may be a product of me being aware of it ahead of time.
> 
> So... I guess, let me know what you thought of the finale, and I'll see you all next time for the inter-season special! Which will be the last chapter in this particular story.
> 
> See you then!
> 
> \- Fangren
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Appendix: TSI Eliminated Contestants**
> 
> Staci - (22nd Place)
> 
> Dakota - (RETURNED)
> 
> Ezekiel - (21st Place)
> 
> Sugar - (20th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (RETURNED)
> 
> Amy - (RETURNED)
> 
> Scott - (19th Place)
> 
> Beth - (18th Place)
> 
> Sierra - (17th Place)
> 
> Topher - (16th Place)
> 
> Sam - (15th Place)
> 
> Beardo - (14th Place)
> 
> Dawn - (13th Place)
> 
> Amy - (12th Place)
> 
> Geoff - (11th Place)
> 
> Dakota - (10th Place)
> 
> DJ - (9th Place)
> 
> B - (8th Place)
> 
> Sammy - (7th Place)
> 
> Scarlett - (6th Place)
> 
> Lightning - (5th Place)
> 
> Jo - (4th Place)
> 
> Alejandro - (3rd Place)
> 
> Bridgette - (RUNNER-UP | Alternate Winner)
> 
> Shawn - (WINNER | Alternate Runner-Up)


	27. Total Drama, Drama, Drama, Drama Island!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright folks, we're finally at the end of the line for this season! All twenty-two campers are back in play this time, so get ready to see who makes it to the end and qualifies for Total Shuffled Action!
> 
> \- Fangren

The scene faded into a close-up of the 'Wawanakwa' sign at the Dock of Shame as the typical dramatic music began in the background. "Welcome back, to Total Drama Island!" Chris said, the camera pulling back to show him walking up to the sign from the tip of the pier. "It's been a long time since you last saw our campers slugging it out for the _one hundred thousand dollar_ grand prize. Since the competition came to its _shocking_ and dramatic conclusion, our campers have had some time to snack on some real food," he motioned to his right, the camera panning over to show Chef Hatchet grilling a steak in his swim trunks and inner tube and shooting a dirty look at the host, "no offense, Chef," the host told him before continuing where he had left off, "take a hot shower, get their _stuff_ back, and even peruse their e-mails from home."

"There were losers," he quickly ducked under a toaster that was thrown at him from off-screen, "okay, _lots_ of losers!" He paused to laugh. "But there was only _one_ winner!" The scene flashed and showed a close-up of a photograph of the scruffy survivalist in the middle of decorating a cake; the camera pulled back to show it in Chris' hand. " _Shawn_ , an only child and hardcore zombie theorist turned out to be the surprise champ!"

As the host continued, a montage of a few of the winner's characteristic moments were shown: him shrieking in fear, coming face-to-face with a sleeping bear, showing off his bunker blueprints, jumping down from a tree, and receiving the final marshmallow. "With his _surprisingly_ situational knowledge, fitness, and ambition, he ended up with one _massive_ prize! He's planning a _wicked_ survival-themed party for all his fellow campers this winter," the montage continued, showing a buffet table set underneath a few palms and the campers cheering during the finale. "But _first_ , they're gonna move their _booties_ for one final pool-side wrap party," more scenes were shown, including the campers racing off in a group, then assembled by the pool at Playa Des Losers, and lastly the Boat of Losers speeding off from the Dock of Shame. "And _tomorrow_ , everybody's headed for home!"

"Or _are_ they?" Chris said with a wink back on the Dock of Shame. "Find out here, on Total! Drama! Island!"

xxx

(Fade to Opening Theme)

_Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine;_

_You guys are on my mind!_

_Ya asked me what I wanted to be,_

_And now I think the answer is plain to see!_

_I wanna be... famous!_

_I wanna live close to the sun!_

_Well pack your bags, 'cause I've already won!_

_Everythin' to prove, nothin' in my way;_

_I'll get there one day._

_'Cause I wanna be... famous!_

_(Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

_I wanna be! I wanna be! I wanna be famous! (Na-na nanananaa, nanana-nanaa, na-nananananaa)_

(Fade to Episode)

xxx

A hip-hop tune was playing as the episode began at the buffet table of Playa Des Losers. The camera panned across Chef as he manned the grill, Sugar popping marshmallows into her mouth, Ezekiel standing around on the far side of the table, and lastly Shawn and B fixing themselves a plate of food each. The bald boy had an oversized check tucked under his arm, and looked around him with a smile on his face.

"Man," he told the silent genius, "this is like the greatest party _ev_ _er_ _!_ Not like I have much experience, but still."

B gave him a nod, and the two boys stepped aside as Lightning ran forward in his swim trunks and threw a flying disc across the pool.

The camera followed the spinning toy as it sailed through the air and was caught by a shirtless Geoff, who was hanging by the pool with Bridgette. Jo was standing in a one-piece swimsuit nearby, and Sierra was sunning herself in the background.

"I know what you mean, dude!" Geoff cheered eagerly, tossing the flying disc back across and slipping an arm around his girlfriend's waist. "It's so _awesome_ that we can all just kick back and chill now without havin' to worry about _strategy_ an' stuff."

"I _know_ , right?" Bridgette added, putting her arms around Geoff's neck as they started to make out.

The camera followed the flying disc again as it crossed the pool and soared over the hot tub where Sam and Dakota were also displaying their affection. Lightning jumped for the disc and caught it easily, then immediately turned and threw it onward. It flew past the island bar where Beardo and Beth were sitting, and was caught by a waiting Topher.

The host wannabe winked at the camera and twirled the disc in his hands. "And _Topher_ makes the _cat_ _ch_ _!_ "he announced, striking a few quick poses. "And next up, a trick shot to Jo like the cool guy he is!" He twirled it again, then spun around and sent it flying under his leg.

"Oh _wow_ ," Beth gushed as the camera focused on her and her friend, "he's _really_ cute. I bet he could be a _mod_ _el_ _!_ "

"I dunno," Beardo told her, "he's _hot_ , but I think you gotta be like _super_ hot to be a model. Like a real," he made an exaggerated wolf-whistle, "y'know?"

"I _guess_ ," Beth answered uncertainly, eyes still fixed on Topher as he jogged closer to the main pool. "But still, wouldn't it be _super cool_ if there was a _model_ on the show?" Beardo smiled and nodded.

xxx

"I am like _sooo_ glad that's all over with," Beth said in the outhouse confessional, "because now I get to focus on getting to know all my new friends without having to worry about the competition!"

xxx

A disco theme began to play as the focus cut back to Chef as he skewered the steak he'd been cooking, took a deep whiff of its smell, and put it back on the grill with a happy sigh. He danced a bit as it sizzled, and the camera panned over to Sugar gorging herself at the buffet as Scott and Ezekiel watched nearby.

" _How_ can you _eat_ that much?" Scott asked in plain disgust after watching Sugar slide an entire tray of marshmallows into her mouth.

"Easy," the pageant queen spat through her filled mouth. She paused a moment to chew, the noise and stray flecks of spit more than enough to gross out both the farmer and the homeschooler. She finally swallowed, and finished saying "You just gotta put stuff in your mouth and chew!" She immediately grabbed a sandwich off the table and bit into it.

"Jeez, it's like she has a _garbage disposal_ in there," Scott muttered under his breath.

"I dunno," Ezekiel said obliviously, "I'm pretty sure a garbage disposal'd need some kinda _power supply_ , eh."

Both Scott and Sugar looked at the toque wearer, the latter confused and the former embarrassed. "Uh, what I _meant_ was that you have a _strong stomac_ h," the farmer said quickly. "A _large_ strong stomach."

"Probably," Sugar shrugged. "Mama always did say I got the stomach of a raccoon. Maybe it's cause I eat a lotta raccoon? They _do_ say you are what you eat, y'know."

"I think that's just a _sayin'_ , yo," Ezekiel said, scratching his head in thought.

"Yeah," Scott added, "and besides, I've eaten _plenty_ of raccoon, and I don't think I could eat _half_ as much as you."

"Huh, I guess you're right," Sugar told them after a bit of thought while quickly finishing off her sandwich. "That sayin' _can't_ be true, otherwise we'd all just be some kinda mixed-up _freaks_ on account of eatin' so much different stuff! I guess that just means there's another reason why I'm _awesome_." She smiled, and gave her exposed midriff a pat.

"Uh, _sure_...," Scott told her uncertainly.

"Too bad you weren't in that _eatin'_ contest awhile back," Ezekiel told her. "I bet you'd win for _sure_ , eh!"

"Pfft," Sugar scoffed, "that's all in the _past_." She stepped closer to the boy and put her arm around his shoulder. "You gotta keep your _eye_ on the pageants of the _future_!" As she spoke, she moved her hand across their field of view as though revealing the world to him, and Ezekiel nodded eagerly.

xxx

"The ' _pageants of the future_ '?" Scott repeated in disbelief, alone in the outhouse. "There _is_ no future!" he said. "We _lo_ _st_ _!_ And this wasn't even a _page_ _ant_ _!_ "

xxx

The hip-hop music began again as the focus was placed on Sammy, DJ, and Dawn as they danced together by the pool. They were like that for a few seconds before Bunny hopped into view, and wiggled his nose at the trio.

"Hmm?" Dawn said, turning away from her friends and crouching down in front of the rabbit. "What was that?" Bunny looked at her with his big eyes and wiggled his nose again. "Alright little one, I'll assist you," Dawn said with a smile and a pat on the head before scooping him up. "Friends," she told DJ and Sammy who paused their dance to listen, "Bunny is hungry, so I will leave for a few minutes to give him his food."

The brickhouse and cheerleader looked at each other before DJ said "We can come with you if you'd like."

"Oh, there's no need for that," Dawn answered sheepishly. "Please, keep enjoying yourselves." She turned and headed inside before they could say anything else, leading DJ to shrug and turn back to his other friend.

"Huh, wonder what that was about?" the gentle giant pondered. "Guess there's no reason we can't keep partyin' though."

" _Actually_ ," Sammy interrupted as he started to dance again, rubbing her arm anxiously and not meeting his gaze. "I've been meaning to talk to you, like, _alone_..." At that word, the hip-hop beat was replaced by a more touching piece.

DJ blushed immediately. "O-oh, really?" he squeaked. "Why's that?"

Sammy frowned and looked him in the eye. "Stop it, DJ," she told him with a surprising amount of force, " _please_. You _have_ to know what I'm talking about, and I'm tired of you and Dawn avoiding it all the time."

DJ looked at her, sighed, and slumped. "Sorry," he said, "it's just been kinda... _awkward_ , y'know? I've never had to deal with somethin' like this!"

Sammy sighed sadly and looked away. "Yeah, I thought so. I guess I really _didn't_ hear what I thought I heard you say."

The gentle giant raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What are you _talkin'_ about?"

" _Well_ ," the cheerleader blushed, "it's just that I could've _sworn_ you said that you l- _loved_ me during the horror movie challenge, and..."

"I _did_ say that," DJ corrected her, "and I said I liked _Dawn_ , too! And then you kissed me on the docks, and then I found out that _Dawn_ heard as well, and it's just all been so _confusin'_!"

Sammy blinked, as the realization hit her. "Oh... _O_ _H_ _!_ Yeah, that makes _way_ more sense... guess I should've _known_... you must think I'm-"

"Nah," DJ cut her off, "it's not your fault you never found out 'til now, so don't be hard on yourself."

"Thanks," Sammy smiled before falling into an awkward silence. "So, uh," she rubbed her arm again, "you like me _and_ Dawn, huh?"

"Yeah," DJ answered sheepishly. "Sorry, but I don't wanna start datin' anyone until I get that figured out. We cool?" Sammy smiled and nodded. "Good, 'cause I gotta go use the bathroom. We can talk more later, okay?"

"...Okay," Sammy told him after he already started walking away.

xxx

"Well," the nice twin admitted with a blush, "looks like me and DJ have more in common than I thought! We both like _Dawn_ , though, so I don't know how this is gonna work out..." She sighed deeply. "Well, as long as we keep being friends, that's the important part, right?" she asked the camera, her voice filled with uncertainty.

xxx

Bridgette and Geoff had sat down on the edge of the pool since they were last seen on-camera, and were passionately making out. "You have _no_ idea how happy I am to have met you and the others," the surfer said in a pause between kisses. "It makes _all_ of this worthwhile."

"I feel the same way, babe!" Geoff told her breathlessly. "I came here hopin' I was gonna party with some _awesome_ new peeps, and here I am doin' just that! And you're the best one of _all_ , Bridge!"

"Aww, that's so sweet!" the surfer cooed. She tried to get another quick kiss in on his lips, but a passing flying disc caused him to move his head, her to miss, and the two blondes to knock their foreheads together. "Sorry!" she gasped, suddenly leaning in and knocking him off-balance; the party boy tried to right himself but overcompensated, and the pair toppled into the pool. The exchanged a glance, and began to laugh.

The camera moved to Jo as she pursed her lips and began to spin around with the flying disc firmly in her hands, eventually throwing it out like a discus. The camera followed it as it rocketed across the surface of the pool and was intercepted by Lightning in a diving catch.

"That the best you _g_ _ot_ _?_ " the overachiever exclaimed as he returned the throw; it ended up skimming the water and veering off-course, hitting B upside the head as his back was turned.

He fell over and the camera moved over to Sierra and Topher laying nearby with a noticeable two-chair gap between them. "Oh em _gee_ ," the tall girl gasped, sitting up and pointing at her fallen former teammate. "What did you _do_ to him?"

"He didn't _do_ anything!" Topher told her incredulously. "It was _clearly_ unintentional, almost _disappointingly_ so."

"Uggh," Sierra huffed, "that is _so_ like you, all you care about is causing _drama_."

Topher gasped. "Okay, that is _completely_ not true," he objected. "I care about my looks, too!"

Sierra rolled her eyes and the camera's focus moved towards B, still lying face-down on the ground.

"Oh my!" Dawn gasped, the camera panning up to her shocked expression as she gently put Bunny on the ground and darted over to the silent genius. "Not to worry, _I'll_ help you!" She quickly positioned herself close to the ground and pushed up against the silent genius' bulk with her shoulder. The background music rose as she grunted with effort, reaching a triumphant peak as the diminutive mystic managed to flip B onto his back.

"There there," she said, kneeling down where B had been, "you're safe now." The camera zoomed in on hand hand she'd laid on the ground, showing a ladybug trembling and with a leg in tiny bandages. The viewpoint returned to normal as Dawn noticed the fallen genius begin to stir. "Oh, and I'm quite glad to see you're okay too, B!" she told him as he shook the stars out of his eyes.

The camera zoomed out again just as Scarlett walked by with her eyes shut, teeth clenched, and hands over her ears. She was followed by none other than Staci.

"So that was when my great-Uncle Horace invented the _toaster_ , yah," Staci said. "He did it so he could makes BLTs more quickly. But because of that invention, my second-cousin Mable was able to come up with frozen waffles, which really revolutionized the breakfast industry." She didn't notice Scarlett's eyes open and flash red as she made a strangling motion with her hands. "And don't even get me _started_ on those little mini-bagels, like, my family really _made_ those what they _are_. Hey, why don't you come check out my family tree later? It has _all_ of their accomplishments, _yah_."

"No," Scarlett told her bluntly, "I have absolutely _no_ desire to read such a thing."

She sped up before Staci could continue, and the two girls walked past Sam and Dakota in the hot tub. Although they were still making out, they also had their signature electronic devices firmly in their hands – a portable game console in Sam's, and a cellphone in Dakota's. Every so often they would stop kissing in order to rapidly move their thumbs, the telltale sounds of text messages and RPG battle music filling the air.

"Hey, cool, finally beat that boss!" Sam said, the music coming from his console changing.

"Ooh, congratulations!" Dakota told him. "And I just heard from January that she _finally_ broke up with that jerk Miles."

"Good for her," Sam said, and they started to kiss again.

Lightning ran past them and tossed the flying disc again, then turned his head and noticed Amy sulking by herself in a corner. "What's up, girl?" he greeted. "Why aren't you partyin' with the others?"

"Why _should_ I?" the mean twin huffed. "It's not like there's anything worth _celebrating_. Daddy's lawyer buddies already told me that there's no evidence that Samey _cheated_ , so _she_ gets off the hook and _I_ don't get a thing, which is just _wr_ _ong_ _!_ And to top it all off, people think _I_ was making out in the bushes with _Sc_ _ott_ _!_ I mean, _gag_ me with a _rope_ , have you _seen_ that guy?"

"Oh yeah!" Lightning said in remembrance, his face quickly falling into a questioning frown. "You _sure_ that's not what you were doin'?"

"For the _last time_ ," she hissed angrily, "yes! All I wanna do right now is go back _home_ , where people actually do what I _say_ and _Samey_ never gets what she _wants_." She crossed her arms and pouted, turning her face away from Lightning.

"Well, uh, at least you're gonna be doin' that soon!" he told her, getting no response. He scratched his arm nervously, then pointed over his shouler. "Uhh... Lightning's just gonna _go_ now..." Amy huffed, Lightning left, and the camera moved across the pool again.

Bridgette and Geoff had gotten back out of the pool and were joined by Shawn while toweling themselves off. Alejandro walked by then as well, preoccupied with looking at his tarnished smile in a hand mirror. The three stifled a laugh as the charmer turned and they saw the gap in his teeth, and he gave them a dirty look.

xxx

"I assure you," Alejandro told the confessional camera with a serious expression, "I _will_ have the last laugh over this. Between the unclear elimination rules and the _assault_ on my beautiful face, my lawyers and I have _more_ than enough ammunition to file a lawsuit against the show, and possibly press charges against Chef Hatchet as well. I may not have won Total Drama, but I _will_ get my money."

xxx

Three deep and dramatic notes were played over the loudspeaker, the tune continuing in the background as several of the teens were showing looking around in alert – Dawn and B, Beth and Beardo, Sam and Dakota, and DJ and Sammy. The camera cut to a close-up of a silver suitcase carried at Chris McLean's side; based on his posture and strained grin it was quite heavy. Chef Hatchet snatched the oversized check away from Shawn, and Chris set the briefcase down with a grunt of effort near Amy and Lightning.

"Hello, _campe_ _rs_ _!_ " he greeted cheerfully.

"Um, I think you mean _ex_ -campers," Amy corrected in a bratty tone, " _duh_."

"Amy is right," Alejandro added. "Your little _game_ is over, and so is our role in it."

"We'll see about _that_ ," Chris whispered offhandedly to Chef, the pair snickering to themselves before the host continued.

"Congratulations to our winner," Chris continued aloud as triumphant music began to play. "Shawn, you played hard," a quick montage started to play of the survivalist attacking the horde of fake zombies; taking a bite out of a bull testicle; and shouting in terror at the sight of an injured Scott, "fought hard, ate hard, and _screamed_ harder. Not sure _why_ ," the host said as the montage ended, "but you beat _every_ other person on this island, and your pockets will soon be stuffed with _ched-d_ _ar_ _!_ "

The camera pulled back as Chef raised the oversized check in celebration and nearly all the campers cheered for the bald boy's victory once again. "Th-thanks," he said with a sheepish blush.

"But what I'm about to offer you may _change_ all that!" Chris interrupted, a gong ringing softly as he motioned to the case in Chef's hands. "Inside this suitcase," he said as the hulking cook raised it high, "is One! Million! _Dollar_ _s_ _!_ " Each word was accompanied by a gleam from the case as the camera focused in on it and the music became tense. "We had our PAs make a cardboard check of this _awesome_ new prize," he said as a massive shadow fell on Shawn, Geoff, Bridgette, Alejandro, and the two adults.

The camera cut to the corner of the check moving across the sun, the ground shaking as it was pushed past the pool of Playa Des Losers as Dawn, DJ, Sammy, B, Jo, and Topher watched in horror, and a final cut to the island from a distance revealing it to be about half the height of the tallest hill on the island. "WE WENT THROUGH A _LOT_ OF CARDBOARD TO MAKE THIS!" Chris yelled over the shot of the gigantic prop, his voice echoing over the sheer distance.

"Shawn my man," the host put a hand on the uncertain-looking boy's shoulder, "this million dollars could be _yours_ , all you have to do is figure out _where_ we are about to hide it, and bring it to the Dock of Shame before _anyone else_ does!" Shawn's jaw dropped at the implication.

"To clarify," Scarlett spoke up, " _all_ of us have the opportunity to win this new prize?"

"Yup!" Chris answered with a smile. "What do you say, Shawn? Will you settle for a _hundred_ _Gs_ _?_ " he pointed to the original check, still in Chef's possession. "Or... ONE! MILLION! _DOLL_ _ARS_ _!_ " He pointed again to the giant check, the camera zooming out to show the prop dwarfing the nearby campers.

Shawn looked at it nervously, biting his lip then chewing his fingernails as the pressure built. He began to sweat and tremble as he opened his mouth to speak. "I...," he began, and twenty-three people leaned closer in anticipation. "I... I'll _do i_ _t_ _!_ " he finished with a cheer.

Chris winked at Chef, and the hulking man immediately smiled and tore the original check in two. "That's the spirit, Shawn!" the host said as an unnamed white man dressed in white and green, an orange cap, and headphones walked up and silently took the suitcase away. "Throughout the day, I'll give you all hints from the loudspeakers just to make sure you're not completely lost."

xxx

"Well now," Scott grinned devilishly and rubbed his hands together, " _this_ just got _interesting_ again."

xxx

"Alright campers," Chris told the teens, "the ultimate million-dollar challenge starts," he held up a starting pistol, causing Shawn and Chef to flinch, "NOW!" He fired, and the cork bullet hit a passing seagull in the chest.

Shawn cheered, ignoring the bird that dropped a few feet away. "Zombie bunker, here I come!" he exclaimed, running off at top speed.

Chris and Chef looked at the others, none of whom seemed the least bit excited – Amy, Lightning, Beth, Beardo, Sam, and Dakota by the hot tub; B, Dawn, DJ, Sammy, Jo, Topher, and Scarlett by the pool; Bridgette, Geoff, Alejandro, Sierra, Scott, and Ezekiel a little further on; and Sugar and Staci near the buffet table – and in fact they were all glaring at the two men.

"If I may summarize the current situation," Scarlett spoke up, stepping forward and crossing her arms sternly, "after we have spent approximately eight weeks competing for a cash prize, you have now rendered that competition _meaningless_ by allowing its winner to gamble his winnings on a _larger_ prize?"

"Pretty much," Chris shrugged.

"And since we all know how _deceitful_ you are," Alejandro added, "there's no guarantee that there actually _is_ a million dollars in that suitcase, or that any of us will even be able to _win_ it."

"That's right," the host nodded.

"Like we're just gonna start running around the island again" Bridgette told him.

"Yeah," Sugar chuckled, "why'd we wanna go out an' make fools of ourselves again anyways?"

"Uggh," Amy growled, "this is _obviously_ just another trick to make us _look bad_."

"Hey, if that's what you guys wanna tell yourselves!" Chris told them all with a shrug. "After all, I bet Shawn will be _pretty_ happy to have _no_ competition as he makes the easiest million dollars in TV history."

"Fine!" DJ told him.

"Fine!" Bridgette added.

"Yeah, what _they_ said," Scott sneered.

Chris looked around at the annoyed campers again, and then the scene cut to the distance shot of the island as Shawn exclaimed "WOOHOO~! TIME TO MAKE MY DREAMS COME TRUE!"

The cry echoed around the resort. Beth and Beardo looked suddenly sheepish, Scott tried to whistle nonchalantly as he inched away from the group, DJ, Sammy, and Dawn shared a glance, Sugar's chuckling became slower and more nervous, and Alejandro donned a devilish smirk.

All at once, nineteen teenagers stampeded past a wary-looking Chris and Chef. A crash was overheard once they disappeared off-camera, and the shot panned over to show them in a jumbled heap, fighting to free themselves. Chris smiled, and Chef let out a piercing whistle that forced an end to the campers' argument as they looked in his direction.

"Hey! I've got an idea!" Beth suggested from the top of the pile after a moment of silence. "Let's work together as a _tea_ _m_ _!_ We can split the prize twenty-two ways and _share_ it!"

There was another moment of silence before the teens started to argue and struggle again. Chris cringed, and the camera focused on Lightning trying to dislodge himself from the middle of the pile. A light-skinned hand grabbed him by the elbow and pulled him out, quickly revealed to be a smirking Amy.

"Alright, _lover_ ," she told the jock, "let's go get that _million_."

"Cool!" Lightning said happily. "Hey, does this mean we're back together?"

The mean twin gave him a sly smile. "You help me get that million," she said, "and we'll _talk_." She turned and walked away with a sway in her step that made the athlete's face light up.

"Oh yeah!" he cheered, pumping his fist. "Lightning's gonna score _big time_ once he gets that million dollars!"

xxx

"Man, all of Lightning's _other_ girlfriends were _borin'_ ," the overachiever told the confessional camera. "Always goin' on about how _great_ I am, like I don't already _kn_ _ow_ _!_ Not _Amy_ , though, she does _other_ stuff, too. Like tell me to do stuff, and boss me around!" His brow suddenly furrowed in contemplation. " _Wait_..."

xxx

/

The island was shown from a distance again before the scene cut to Jo putting an arm around the shoulders of Sierra and Sugar. "Ladies," she told them," this is your lucky day, 'cause with _me_ on your side that million is a sure thing!"

"Ain't you just gonna try to take it all for yerself once we find it though?" Sugar questioned.

"Yeah," Sierra added, "how do we know you're not gonna double-cross us later?"

"You don't," the jock-ette answered bluntly, surprising both other girls. "But on the same note, _you_ can always try to double-cross _me_ first. And besides, three sets of eyes can search faster than one, so we're better off working _together_ , at least for now."

"Huh, good point," Sugar said. "I'm in!"

The two young women looked to their third, who pursed her lips in annoyance. " _Fine_ ," Sierra told them haughtily, "but only because it looks like I have _no_ _choice_."

/

A cut showed a high-five between Scott and Alejandro, who were accompanied by Ezekiel and Topher respectively. "Then it's agreed," the charmer said. "The four of us will cooperate to find the money, and split it four ways."

"Agreed," the other three said in unison, all grinning happily – though Scott's had a devilish tinge to it.

"In that case, gentleman, let us be on our way," Alejandro told them, taking the lead into the forest. The four passed by Scarlett, who was heading in the opposite direction, and the charmer paused to look back at her. "I hope you don't expect to succeed working by yourself."

"It's a calculated risk," the redhead replied after adjusting her glasses. "Although working alone lowers my chance of obtaining the suitcase in _several_ scenarios, not having someone expecting you to split the money with them makes a solo approach the more _desirable_ one. But by all means, continue to cooperate, I have no interest in stopping you."

"...Very well," Alejandro told her with a suspicious look as she walked off.

/

"Do you wanna be my team member?" Beth asked Beardo as she helped him up off the ground. The hairy boy gave her a thumbs-up and made the sound of a bell dinging, then she turned to the other large black boy standing up nearby. "Ooh, and you too, B!" The silent genius looked at the braces-wearing girl in mild surprise. "That way," she continued, "we could be Team BBB! Team Beth, Beardo, and B!"

B was shown rubbing his chin in contemplation for a moment before smirking happily and nodding.

"Yay!" Beth cheered, jumping up and down and clapping.

"Right on, brother," Beardo told his new teammate, and the two bumped fists. "Welcome aboard! Now let's get this gravy train movin'." He mimicked the sound of a train whistle, complete with the accompanying arm movement, transitioning into the noise of a train pulling out from a station as he, Beth, and B headed into the woods.

xxx

"So, uh," Shawn admitted in the outhouse, rubbing the back of his head and not looking at the camera, "I _may_ have jumped the gun a bit on this one. As much as I'm confident I could beat any _one_ of the others to the million, I don't think I can beat _all_ of them. But hey," he shrugged helplessly, "I was offered a chance at realizing my _dream_ , I _had_ to take it!"

xxx

"Well, mister," Bridgette asked with a smirk, "wanna split a million with me?"

"Oh, you're not just a _babe_ ," Geoff told her with a short laugh, "you're an _uber_ -babe!" He moved into embrace his girlfriend, but she put her hands out and stopped him.

"Not right now, Geoff," she told him, "we can't let everyone get ahead of us."

"Oh," the party lover replied with a disappointed look, "gotcha." His frown quickly turned into an excited grin, though, as he added "Then let's go _do_ this!" He put an arm around Bridgette, and she giggled as they began to walk.

They only went a few steps before a rustling in the trees gave them pause, and Shawn dropped to the ground in front of them. "Oh, man," he groaned distractedly, his back turned on the blondes, "I can't believe everyone's going after it! How the heck am I supposed to find it _fi_ _rst_ _?_ "

Bridgette and Geoff exchanged a look of surprise before the surfer spoke up. "Well, _we_ could help you look for it," she suggested.

"Huh?" Shawn said, turning around and finally noticing the couple. "Oh, uh, thanks for the offer, but I was kinda hoping to do this on my own. I mean," he scratched his head, "I was fine splitting up the money a bit when it was just a hundred grand since I was gonna need to raise a lot more anyway, but I really do need the whole million for my bunker, and I can't ask you two to give up your shares if you _do_ help me get it."

The surfer and party boy exchanged another look. "I'm fine with takin' a smaller share, how 'bout you, Bridge?" Geoff asked.

"Yeah, fine with me," Bridgette answered. "How about 80-10-10? That way me and Geoff still get as much as the original prize money, and you get most of the way to your goal."

"You're... really okay with that?" Shawn asked with hopeful cautiousness. The two nodded, and he smiled. "Thanks! You have no idea how much that _means_ to me. Now come on, I think we should search over _here_ first!" He pointed a thumb over his shoulder, and lead the way for his new teammates.

The camera lingered in the area as Dawn, Sammy, and DJ walked into view. "Wow," the nice twin said, "I can't believe we're getting another chance at _winn_ _ing_ _!_ "

"Well, as long as Chris wasn't _lyin'_ to us about the whole thing," the gentle giant added.

"I don't _think_ he did," the mystic told them. "At least, not _exactly_... his aura _clearly_ showed that he wasn't telling us the _whole_ truth, but he didn't seem to be lying about the contents of that suitcase."

"Yeah, that figures," DJ said with a nod.

Sammy sighed. "Why can't things ever be _simple_..."

The trio walked off, but the camera lingered in the area long enough to catch Scarlett peeking her head out from behind a tree behind where they had been standing.

"Hmm...," she thought to herself, making notes on a clipboard. "Several possibilities... but which one to _follow_ _?_ "

"Hi!" the sudden greeting startled the brainiac, causing her to fumble and nearly drop her pen and notes.

" _Wh_ _at_ _?_ " Scarlett hissed, turning around to face Staci.

"Yah, well, I noticed that everyone else was partnering up and stuff, and then I saw you walking alone so I thought, like, we should totally work together!" the chatterbox explained quickly and happily.

"No thank you," Scarlett responded coldly, turning around and walking off.

"But, like, why not?" Staci asked, quickly following the increasingly-annoyed redhead. "I mean, isn't it better to work together so we find the money faster?"

"Perhaps," Scarlett conceded with a roll of her eyes, "but I've already planned for that, and it doesn't involve _you_." She shot the other girl a glare, then turned on her heel and stomped off.

Staci looked around nervously for a moment, then followed after her.

xxx

"My plan," Scarlett smugly explained in the outhouse, "is to follow whichever group has the greatest likelihood of finding the suitcase, and then take it from them when an opportunity presents itself. _Unfortunately_ ," she continued, her expression turning into annoyance as she pinched the bridge of her nose, "I can't _do_ that with Staci _following_ me. Her incessant _blathering_ is _sure_ to give away my location!"

xxx

/

The scene moved back to the hot tub of Playa Des Losers, where Dakota and Sam were still soaking. Dakota was happily absorbed in her cellphone-based social life, while her gamer boyfriend had set aside his console and was looking at her uneasily.

"So," he began awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck, "aren't we gonna, like, go find that suitcase like the others?"

"Why?" Dakota asked, tearing her eyes away from her texts to give Sam a confused look. "I don't wanna get sweaty again, especially since I don't even _need_ the money."

"Uh, well," the gamer continued, looking away sheepishly, " _you_ might not, but _I_ wouldn't mind getting my hands on a million of my own."

"Oh, right!" Dakota said in realization. "Sorry, I didn't think of it that way. Wanna, um, go look for it together?"

"Heck yeah I do!" Sam said, his facing lighting up into a grin. "Thanks Dakota, you're an angel," he told her, planting a kiss on her cheek that made her blush and giggle as they climbed out of the water.

/

The chorus of the opening theme began to play as the eight groups of campers were shown walking through a single clearing in various directions and at various times. Entering from the right, Shawn led Bridgette quickly through the woods while Geoff trailed behind at a slower pace; closer to the camera, Jo charged forward from the left with Sierra and Sugar following; Dawn, DJ, and Sammy popped up in front of the camera, looked around, and exited to the left; Alejandro led the three boys he was with along the same course Jo's group had taken; Beth and Beardo appeared from the same direction a few moments later and closer to the camera, they paused to wait for the slow-walking B then decided to turn around once they'd regrouped; Sam and Dakota slowly walked across the clearing from the right; Scarlett popped up far in the background and looked around for a bit before Staci popped up next to her and the two girls ducked back into the bushes; and Lightning carried Amy piggyback as they ran across from the left, the cheerleader eagerly pointing forward.

The scene switched to a shot of the island from a distance as the chorus ended.

/

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

/

"Okay, this is _pathetic_ , campers!" Chris announced over the long-distance shot of the island before the camera cut to a blaring loudspeaker. "It's been two _hours_ now, and no one has even come _close_ to finding the suitcase! So here's your first clue," the host said calmly. "It's just... _hangin' aroun_ _d_ _!_ "

As the clue was given, the scene cut to Sam and Dakota taking a casual pace through the woods, both with their thumbs on their devices.

"Man," Sam commented as the sounds of his console came to a pause, "this sure is taking a long time. Usually when you're looking for something in a video game it's a little more obvious, but I guess that isn't how it works in the real world."

"Huh?" Dakota asked, looking up from her phone. "Oh, don't worry about _that_ ," she said after looking at her boyfriend's face, "I already have a _pl_ _an_ _!_ "

"You do?" the gamer asked in mild bewilderment. "Really?"

"Of course!" the heiress answered perkily, quickly sending another text before closing her phone. "Now we just have to wait here for a little bit, and..."

As though on cue, the bushes around the rustled and four adult men bearing cameras emerged and started taking pictures. "Hi, boys!" Dakota told them as she struck a few quick poses. "I don't suppose you could help me _find_ something, could you?" She batted her eyes at them and giggled.

The four paparazzi stopped taking pictures and looked at each other. "Uh, sorry, Dakota," the largest one said, "but Mr. McLean said we could only come back here if we agreed not to help you in the challenge."

"Oh _darn_ ," Dakota pouted, crossing her arms and looking away. "Well in that case, you might as well leave... after taking a few more _pictures_ , of course." She smiled at them again and began to pose, the four men eagerly taking photo after photo.

"Well, I guess it was worth a shot..." Sam sighed.

/

"Man, I never knew really realized how _huge_ this island was before today!" DJ said as he walked along with Sammy and Dawn. "How the heck are we supposed to find the money?"

"Well," the cheerleader replied with a bit of thought, "it's supposed to be _hanging_ from something, so I bet if we keep looking in the trees we'll find it eventually, right?"

"Probably," Dawn told her, earning a smile from the girl. "At least, if nobody _else_ finds it first. You two should keep looking, I'll see if the creatures of the forest have seen anything."

"Oh, good idea!" Sammy said, scanning the tree branches with DJ while the mystic motioned to a nearby squirrel.

xxx

"So, I've been trying to be more useful to Dawn and DJ so I don't hold them back," Sammy admitted sheepishly in the outhouse. "I mean, like, Dawn can read _auras_ and talk to _animals_ and stuff, and even though he doesn't _show_ it much DJ's, like, _super_ strong. I don't really know what _I_ can do, but I don't want Amy to be right about me being, um, _useless_..."

xxx

"Ooh, look!" a sudden voice said, startling away the squirrel Dawn had been trying to speak to and earning the trio's attention. "If it isn't my little sister Samey and her _loser_ friends," Amy said meanly as she came into view on Lightning's back. "Hey," she snapped at the jock, "stop here so I can get down!"

Lightning obliged with a frown, skidding to a halt and allowing the mean girl to dismount and walk over to her twin's group. "I hope you don't _seriously_ expect to find that suitcase, Samey," Amy taunted. "Because me and Lightning are gonna get it _first_ , got it? In fact, _you_ three are never even gonna get to _see_ the money!"

"Why don't you just leave us alone?" DJ said, stepping forward angrily. "Just go look somewhere else!"

"Umm," Amy pretended to think for a moment before turning a malicious smile towards the gentle giant, "how about _not_. I'll look wherever I _want_ to, and you can't do anything to change that. Although I don't see why you're even _bothering_ with _Samey_ on your team, she can't even _defend herself_ let alone find a suitcase in the _woods_."

DJ was flustered, Dawn was glaring silently, and so it was Sammy who spoke up first. "Hey, look!" she exclaimed excitedly, pointing behind her sister. "Isn't that the case over _th_ _ere_ _?_ "

" _Wh_ _ere_ _?!_ " Amy gasped, quickly shoving her twin to the ground and running off in the direction Sammy had been pointing. "Come _on_ , Lightning, hurry up!" she called with a hint of anger.

"Sha- _later_ , suckas!" the overachiever told the three before running off as well.

A moment passed as Dawn, DJ, and a smiling Sammy regrouped. "Why'd you have to tell them where the money was?" DJ asked in confusion.

"I _didn't_ ," Sammy said, finally bursting into giggling laughter. Her two friends quickly caught on and smiled as well.

"That was _wonderful_ ," Dawn said, hugging the taller girl. "I can already _sense_ your aura shifting. Soon, your sister will have _no_ hold over you!"

"Thanks," Sammy answered with a faint blush.

/

The scene cut to the suitcase hanging by a rope from a tall tree. Zooming out and panning down, the camera revealed that the tree stood somewhere along the riverbank, and more importantly that Beth, Beardo, and B were walking right under it.

"So anyway," Beth told her teammates, "my Uncle ended up having to just _cut_ the chicken wire, and since I had to go to the orthodontist _anyway_ , I just got my braces fixed then! But you would _not_ believe how much of a hassle it was."

Beardo held his hands out like he was holding a power tool and mimicked the sound of a drill whirring, then switched to the noise of a jackhammer, complete with stance and vibrations – the sound startled B just a bit and he looked up, brow raising when he spotted the case. "Right?" Beardo finished with a smirk.

"Oh, _totall_ _y_ _!_ " Beth answered with a vigorous nod.

She and her hairy friend were about to leave before B grabbed their arms and pulled them back.

"What's up?" Beardo asked, and the silent genius responded by vigorously pointing above them.

"Oh my _gos_ _h_ _!_ " the farmgirl gasped. "It's the _ca_ _se_ _!_ " She started to squeal and jump up and down while Beardo made a short victory fanfare. "Now how do we get it down?" Beth added after a moment, and the three cast inquisitive looks up at the tree.

An ominous tune played as the camera zoomed past them to a boulder in the background. Scarlett poked her head up from behind it, smirked devilishly, and rubbed her hands together. Staci popped up next to her and opened her mouth too, but Scarlett immediately pursed her lips and slapped a hand over it.

The camera cut to Chris and Chef in their red helicopter, the host leaning out to get a better look while the cook piloted. " _Fina_ _lly_ _!_ " the handsome said in exasperation. "This was getting _ridicul_ _ous_ _!_ "

/

"So yeah," Sierra explained as the scene moved to her, Sugar, and Jo as the latter parted a bush aside and looked at the tree behind it, "even though all the critics gave it really bad reviews and it totally bombed in theaters..."

"Uh huh," Jo said distractedly as she looked behind a tree.

"...My mom's always considered it one of the greatest movies of all time, and I kinda see what she's talking about, like, Chris _so_ should have won an award for it," Sierra continued without missing a beat, "and-"

"Yeah, I'm gonna have to stop you there," Jo told her, turning away from the branch she had been trying to reach. "As much as I like having _dirt_ on Chris McLean, I kinda need to _focus_ right now, so I'd appreciate it if you cut the chatter." She turned back to her tree and paused. "Actually, speaking of annoying sounds, you've been _oddly_ quiet lately," Jo added, casting a suspicious eye on Sugar. "Got anything you'd like to share?"

Sugar rubbed her chin in thought for a few seconds then shrugged. "Not really," she told the other two, "just thought it was a neat story is all. Oh, and all that buffet food is startin' to work it's way through," she pointed a thumb over her shoulder, "so I'm gonna go use the little girl's room. Or I guess the _bush_ , since there ain't no rooms out here."

Jo pursed her lips in annoyance. "Make it quick," the jock-ette said. "In the meantime, Sierra and I will split up and search in different areas. We'll meet back here in five minutes, got it?"

"Got it," Sierra repeated with a nod.

"I'll try," Sugar shrugged. Jo rolled her eyes, and the three young women parted ways.

xxx

"Uggh," Jo groaned, smacking herself in the forehead. "Could somebody remind why I teamed up with _those t_ _wo_ _?_ I've seen more useful people stuffed in _lockers_. At least I managed to get away from them for little while."

xxx

The camera followed Jo as she walked through the woods a bit, scanning around and above her for the suitcase. The sound of a twig snapping got her attention, and after turning left and walking a few more paces she heard voices and ducked behind a tree. Cautiously, she peered out from hiding and grinned.

Shawn, Bridgette, and Geoff were huddled over a spot on the ground, the bald survivalist scratching something in the dirt with a long stick.

"Okay," he said," we've covered pretty much the whole northwestern part of the island without finding a thing. I think we should keep going along the western coast, starting with the giant cliff and working around towards camp. What do you guys think?"

"Seems like a good idea to me," Bridgette answered. "Geoff, how's your ankle holding up? You can keep moving, right?"

The camera zoomed in on the party boy's left ankle, which looked slightly red and swollen. "Yeah, I'm good," Geoff told his girlfriend. "Who'd have guessed it would still be so _bad_ a few days after the finale?"

"Well, I'm glad you can still keep going," the surfer told him with a kiss on the cheek. "Just don't push yourself too hard, okay?"

"No worries, Bridge!" Geoff said happily. "You know you can always count on _m_ _e_ _!_ Now c'mon, let's get back to the beach!" He led the way with a smile on his face, and Bridgette and Shawn followed after a moment.

The camera cut back to Jo, still hiding behind a tree and now rubbing her chin in thought.

/

Another cut put the focus on Ezekiel, picking his nose while walking at a fairly casual pace. He withdrew his finger after a few seconds, examined the booger at the end of it, then wiped it on his pants. The camera panned to the right, past Scott and Topher, and showed Alejandro looking back at the homeschooler and shuddering in disgust.

/

The scene moved back to Beardo, Beth, and B as they studied the suitcase hanging above them.

"I wish I was better at climbing trees," Beth commented as the camera zoomed in on the silent member of the group.

"I know how you feel," Beardo added while the camera followed B's view of the surrounding area – aside from the river nearby and a few scattered boulders, trees, and bushes, there wasn't much to work with. "If only we had some other way to get up there."

"Yeah, like a ladder," the farmgirl said as B shrugged to himself and opened his coat, revealing a variety of hand tools stored in the liner. He withdrew a hacksaw after a moment's deliberation, then walked off-screen.

"Or somethin'," Beardo made a springing noise, "like maybe a trampoline." B appeared again, rolling a large boulder closer to the tree his teammates were standing under. The pair noticed fairly quickly, exchanging a confused look but moving to aide the young man nonetheless.

"So why'd you want this rock here?" Beth asked once the three stopped, and B pointed up – the camera followed, revealing the suitcase just above them. " _Oh_!"

The beatboxer climbed on top of the rock with B's assistance, and after she received the hacksaw he helped Beth up onto his shoulders. The silent genius gestured for her to cut as high as she possibly could, and a few moments later the triumphant music that had been building finally peaked as the rope snapped. "We did it!" Beth cheered as she climbed back down to the ground. "We got the money!" Beardo cheered as well, while B silently gathered up the length of rope that had been attached to the case.

/

The scene moved to Scarlett and Staci, still watching from a distant hiding spot.

"Oh no," Staci said in disappointment, "looks like we lost!"

"Not _quite_ ," Scarlett replied with a confident smirk. "Although they may have gotten the suitcase _first_ , they still need to take it to the Dock of Shame in order to actually _win_."

" _Ohh_ , yah, I getcha," the chatterbox nodded. Scarlett grabbed her by the collar and forced her to hide again, then adjusted her glasses and donned a devilish grin.

"I have an idea," she began in a whisper. "How about _you_ go out there and distract them, while _I_ sneak up from behind and steal the case. Agreed?"

"Okay," Staci said hesitantly, "but how do I distract them?"

"All you need to do is talk to them," Scarlett told her. "Anything will do, just make sure you _don't_ mention me. Is that clear?"

"Uh-huh!" the talkative girl nodded.

"Good," the brainiac finished before crawling away.

/

The viewpoint shifted again, showing Beth, Beardo, and B from a distance as they started to walk off along the river, the case still clutched firmly in Beth's hands. The camera pulled back to show Alejandro, Topher, Scott, and Ezekiel watching them from behind a pair of trees.

"Well then," the charmer said as the team of four looked away from the competition, "it seems we've finally located our prize. Now it's only a matter of _stealing_ it from them."

"Given how two of them are _obviously_ attracted to Alejandro and I," Topher suggested, "I vote that the two of us go over there and use our _looks_ to get the money."

Scott's eyes popped open suddenly, but only for a moment before he narrowed them in suspicion. "And what if Silent _B_ tries to stop you? I've never seen _him_ making eyes at another guy."

xxx

"Like I'd let either of those _pretty boys_ get their hands on the million _that_ easily," Scott told the confessional camera."

xxx

"Why don't we just _rush 'em_ , eh?" Ezekiel offered. "I mean, there's _four_ of us, an' only _three_ of them, so, one of us is _bound_ to get the case, right?"

"Sounds good to me," Scott smirked.

"Well then," Alejandro said, "perhaps it would be best if we each used whatever means necessary to secure the case for our team, agreed?"

He put his hand in the center of their group, and it was quickly joined by the hands of the other three young men as the echoed "Agreed!"

/

"I wonder if I'll be able to get my own spin-off series after this," Dakota pondered as she and Sam walked through a denser part of the forest. "I mean, with the time I spent as an intern I was actually in the show for _awhile_."

"Yeah, I bet you actually got some decent screen-time," Sam told her. "Although I guess it matters more how many _fans_ you actually got. Not saying that you don't _have_ any," he added quickly at his girlfriend's hurt look, "it's just that only the most _popular_ characters ever get spin-offs. At least, that's how it usually works with video games anyways."

"Hrmm...," the heiress paused to fold her arms and think, "I can't possibly be _un_ popular, but I guess since I wasn't a _finalist_ my sparkly adorableness won't be _enough_ , huh?"

"Maybe," the gamer shrugged. "But hey, at least you've got your face out there now. Even if you don't get a spin-off _this_ time, you're still closer than you were before. That's gotta count for _something_ , right?"

"True," Dakota admitted. "Who would have guessed that becoming famous would be such hard _work_?"

/

The shot cut back to a close-up of the suitcase, still in Beth's hands as she walked with Beardo and B on either side of her. The point-of-view shifted to their opposite side just as Staci dashed out into the open in front of them. "Hi guys!" she greeted with a cheery wave.

"Oh, hi Staci," Beth replied neutrally, the boys on either side of her perking an eyebrow each. "If you're looking for _this_ ," the farmgirl raised the case up to her chest, "then I'm afraid you can't have it. The three of us worked _hard_ to get it, and we're not interested in sharing anymore." Both Beardo and B nodded sternly.

"Oh, uh, that's totally fine!" Staci said quickly. "Like, congratulations on winning! You know, it was my great-great-Grandma Alice who _invented_ suitcases...," she closed her eyes as she began to rattle on the three in front of her shared a look, shrugged, and walked off in another direction. "...before her, people had to carry around large piles of cash in bags and wheelbarrows, and-" It was then that Staci finally realized her targets had moved on, and she quickly sprinted to get back in front of them.

"Uh, we're not really interested in your stories," Beardo told her, "so could you just let us leave?"

"Umm, uhh, wait!" Staci stammered out as the three started to turn again. She quickly looked around and spotted a flash of red over B's shoulder, and acted quickly upon getting three looks of annoyance sent her way. "L-look! What's that over there?!" She hastily pointed to her right, and was just as surprised as her targets to actually see something.

The background music turned fast-paced as the foursome of Alejandro, Topher, Scott, and Ezekiel were shown running towards them with determined expressions on their faces. The charmer reached them first, skidding to a halt in front of Beth with his hands on the edges of his shirt. "Ladies, gentleman, feast your eyes on _this_ ," on cue, he tore open his shirt and revealed his chest, the camera lingering on it as a yellow-and-gold sunburst pattern appeared behind him.

"And don't forget to add a little bit of the ' _Topher Experience_ '," the host wannabe added, coming to a stop alongside his teammate and quickly whipping off his shirt and striking a few poses as well. The tense music was replaced by a beautiful and awestruck tune as the two attractive young men were shown side-by-side.

Staci, Beth, and Beardo couldn't help but stare with mouths agape. "Oh _wow_ ," the two girls said in unison as Beardo wolf whistled.

B started to sweat, shooting a nervous glance between the two boys still rapidly approaching and the suitcase in Beth's trembling hands. He made a grab for the case but was too late, as Scott and Ezekiel barreled into him and all three were sent to the ground.

"Why don't you let _me_ carry that heavy case," Alejandro said suavely, his missing tooth only barely detracting from the handsome grin he flashed while slowly reaching for the suitcase full of money.

" _Yeah_..." Beth sighed dreamily, the camera zooming in on the prize as it was slowly handed over to the charmer.

Just as Alejandro touched the case the beautiful music came to an abrupt halt, the camera pulling back to show that Scott had also gotten his hands on it. "Not so _fast_ , pretty boy," Scott said with a devilish grin, pulling the case closer to him.

"You think you can double-cross _m_ _e_ _?_ " Alejandro shot back, pulling the case back to him. "You do not seem to know who you are _dealing_ with!" He looked at Topher, who grinned darkly and grabbed the case as well.

"Hey _Zeke_ ," Scott called out as he struggled to regain control of the case, "a little _help_ here?"

The toque-wearer quickly got back to his feet and joined the tug-of-war on Scott's side, and with his help the two sides seemed evenly matched. Staci, Beth, and Beardo still seemed to be too enamored with Alejandro and Topher to do anything meaningful, but B was recovering from the fall and shot a glare at the four interlopers.

It was not him who broke the stalemate, however, but a sudden barrage of mudballs from off-camera. All four of the boys holding the case were struck, and Topher was the first to break his concentration. "Not the hair!" he cried in anguish, trying to shield himself with his hands to no avail. The spectacle also managed to distract Alejandro long enough for Scott to kick him in the stomach and pry the suitcase into his sole grasp.

"See ya later!" he taunted as he ran off with the prize.

"Wait up, yo!" Ezekiel cried as he followed after.

With the two attractive boys now sullied with mud (which Topher was frantically trying to remove from himself), Staci, Beth, and Beardo snapped out of their respective dazes and looked around in shock and confusion – an expression matched by both Alejandro and B.

/

The camera cut back to Jo as she jogged through the woods, soon coming to the spot she'd split up from her team at. Both Sierra and Sugar were milling around with impatient looks on their faces, and turned their heads when they noticed the jock-ette.

"Where have _you_ been?" Sierra asked with her hands on her hips. "I thought you told us to meet back here, like, _three_ _minutes_ ago."

"Yeah," Sugar added, "I've been done for _age_ _s_ _!_ "

"Never mind that," Jo told them quickly, "I just overheard some good _info_ about where to search next."

Both of her teammates brows raised. "Well what're you watin' for?" the pageant star asked. "Tell us!"

/

A flash took the scene back to Scott as he raced through the woods clutching the suitcase to his chest, Ezekiel following not far behind. They came out from the trees at the top of a small cliff, and the devious farmer finally stopped to catch his breath.

"Good work, guy!" Ezekiel said once he'd arrived as well, a wide grin on his face. "Now we can split the million between the two of us!"

"What are you _talking_ about?" Scott asked with a sneer. "There's no _way_ I'm splitting this cash, with you or anyone else!"

Ezekiel blinked, and chuckled nervously. "G-good one, eh, you almost had me for a second there."

"It wasn't a _joke_ ," the farmer said bluntly.

The homeschooler frowned. "But I helped you get the case, eh! You couldn't have done it without me!" He stepped forward and reached for the case, but Scott clutched it tighter and turned away.

"So _wh_ _at_ _?!_ " Scott barked. " _I'm_ the one who has it right now, and _I'm_ the one who's gonna _keep_ it!"

"If I may interrupt," a know-it-all voice came from behind the camera, causing the two boys to look away from each other and promptly get hit in the eyes with a few globs of mud. The camera panned over to reveal Scarlett smirking confidently with her muddy arms crossed in front of her. "The only reason you got the case in the first place was because of _my_ intervention, and you certainly won't be keeping it for much longer."

"Gah!" Scott said, wincing in pain as he and Ezekiel tried to rub the mud out of their eyes, the farmer taking one hand off the case in the process. "What are the heck are you-"

He was cut off when Scarlett dashed forward and knocked the two boys to the ground with a thud. She sniffed in disdain and stepped on Scott's case-holding arm, then bent over and picked up the prize. "I would say something like 'See you later'," she told them as she walked up to the edge of the cliff, "but I'd honestly prefer it if I didn't. Goodbye," Scarlett finished, calmly taking a small hop off into the open air.

The camera quick-panned downward, showing a wide river with a beaver dam spanning across it. The brainiac plunged into the large pool of water behind it, suitcase still in her hands.

/

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

/

The footage resumed with a long-distance shot of the island, before cutting back to Scott and Ezekiel at the top of the small cliff. "Oh man," Ezekiel groaned as he sat up and wiped the rest of the mud off his face, "looks like we got beat pretty _hard_ , eh."

"I can't believe I lost a _million dollars_ to a _gi_ _rl_ _!_ " Scott growled, slamming a fist on the ground.

"What's her bein' a girl got to do with it?" Ezekiel asked with a bewildered look. "I thought all that stuff about guys bein' stronger and smarter and stuff was all wrong?"

The schemer groaned and palmed his face. "You wouldn't _understand_..."

/

A flash transitioned the scene back to the river below as Scarlett, soaking wet but grinning nonetheless, pulled herself onto dry land with the suitcase of money firmly in her grip.

/

"Attention campers!" Chris announced over the loudspeakers. "The case is somewhere _red_ ," he told them. "Repeat, the _case_ is somewhere _re_ _d_ _!_ "

As the host made his announcement the shot cut to a group of six campers as they raced through the woods and heard the next clue – Alejandro, Topher, Beth, Staci, Beardo, and B.

"Well _duh_ ," Beth said with a frown, " _Scott_ has it and he has red hair!" She and her team continued on their path, but the the camera lingered on Alejandro as his expression became thoughtful and he slowed down.

"What's the problem?" Topher asked, falling back alongside his teammate.

"I was just thinking about what happened," the charmer admitted. "The farmer only got his hands on the case because somebody _else_ threw mud at us. It's likely that whoever did _that_ will have tried to get the money by now."

"And you think that person is the 'somewhere red' Chris was talking about?" Topher asked in confusion. "But that must mean it was-"

" _Scarlett_ ," Alejandro answered with a nod. "I can't prove it, but I think _someone_ ," he narrowed his eyes and turned his head, the camera quick-panning over to show Staci trying to tiptoe away, "may be able to do it _for_ us."

"Oh, _I_ hear ya!" Topher said with a nod, and the two handsome boys turned devious grins to the chatterbox. "Oh _Staci_ ," the host wannabe called, "how about a quick _interview_ with the Toph-meister."

"I-interview?" the girl said, freezing up and turning around to face the approaching young men. "Oh, um, sure! You wanna hear about my _family_ , right? They're pretty famous for thinking outside the box, it's why I'm _totally_ gonna win this challenge!"

" _Actually_ ," Alejandro corrected her, "we were wondering if you've seen _Scarlett_ at all this afternoon."

"Oh, uh," Staci stammered nervously, "would you look at the time? I just remembered I have to, um, go do something _else_ , yah..." She quickly darted away, but Alejandro and Topher just as quickly gave chase.

/

Once more, the focus was placed on the case in Scarlett's hands as she ran alongside the river. "Almost there," she told herself, "just keep following the river back to camp and avoid the others at all costs. Fortunately, the latest clue was too _vague_ to be of any use in locating me, and-" Her eyes went wide and she skidded to a sudden halt, the camera panning forward to show the cause: an of alligator basking in the sun on the shore.

"Naturally," she sighed, "McLean has once _again_ introduced an obstacle in an attempt to make things more difficult. Not that it'll _work_ ," she added as she began to slowly circle around the lounging reptile.

The camera pulled back, transitioning into a view of the scene on the main screen of a complex system of monitors. Chris and Chef were watching in director's chairs, and snacking on sandwiches of some kind. "Alligators your idea?" the host asked his assistant. The large man nodded. "Well," Chris said, "hopefully they'll be a bigger challenge once they _warm up_ a little."

/

Back with Scarlett, the brainiac's eyes were locked onto the resting alligator as she edged around it. The background music was slow and tense, and the predator was watching her lazily.

"Hah!" came a short barking laugh that startled Scarlett and caused her to look behind her. "Looks like _I_ finally _found_ you." It was Jo, running out of the woods with a confident smile and pausing a few yards away. "Come on, ladies," she waved her arm forward as Sierra and Sugar came into view, "let's get that _ca_ _se_ _!_ "

"Crap...," Scarlett muttered, the music getting faster as she turned around and noticed the alligator on its feet and growling at her. She gasped as it opened its jaws and lunged at her, stepping back in time to save herself, but in doing so letting the coveted suitcase get eaten instead. "NO!" Scarlett cried, futilely stretching out a hand as the reptile immediately turned and slid into the river.

"Step aside," Jo grunted as she passed the redhead, idly shoving her to the ground before jumping onto the alligator's back. Scarlett recovered quickly and tried to get back on her feet, but a sudden body slam from Sugar forced her to stop.

/

The tense music still playing in the background, the camera quick-panned over to Amy and Lightning as they walked along the shore, frustration on their faces.

"Well _that_ was a waste of time," Amy griped. "My ugly sister must have _tricked_ us."

"Hey, look!" Lightning said suddenly, pointing in the direction of the river. The camera panned over, showing Jo wrestling with the alligator, Sugar holding Scarlett in a 'sharpshooter', and Sierra looking from one fight to the other with a look of concern on her face.

" _What_ are they _doin_ _g_ _?_ " Amy asked in confusion before her eyes went wide and she gasped. "The _cl_ _ue_ _!_ Scarlett must have had the briefcase, and now..." She paused, and her brow furrowed. "Wait, did it get, like, _eaten_ by that thing or something?"

"Only one way to find out!" Lightning said, enthusiastically diving into the river and swimming over to Jo and the alligator. It had gotten her in a headlock but she was biting its foreleg, and when Lightning got to them he grabbed the scaly thing around the waist and started punching it above the legs.

"Butt out!" Jo barked as she got free and reversed the hold. "This is _my_ fight!"

"Heck no!" Lightning countered. " _Lightning's_ the one who'll be gettin' that suitcase, not _J_ _o_ _!_ " The two jocks held tight, and their repeated punches eventually caused the alligator to spit up the case it had swallowed. Jo and Lightning immediately tried to grab it, but it slipped between their hands and fell into the river.

" _Get it_ , Lightning!" Amy yelled, having taken the opportunity to swim across to the other side of the river. The jocks had already started to swim after it, but to the cheerleader's dismay it was Jo who managed to gain enough of a lead to kick Lightning in the shoulder, knocking him back and herself a little bit forwards.

It wasn't enough to stop the overachiever, but the alligator tapping him on the shoulder and lunging at him when he turned around was.

Without another word, Jo snatched the case and took it back to shore. Pausing only a moment to catch her breath, she quickly broke into a run just as Sierra and Sugar were about to rejoin her.

"GET BACK HERE!" Scarlett shouted, chasing after them.

Amy looked back at her partner still wrestling the alligator only once before yelling "You'd better catch up, Lightning!" and running after the case.

/

"So," Sammy began as she, DJ, and Dawn walked calmly through the forest, "what would you two do with _your_ shares of the money if we win?"

"Purchase a large tract of wilderness," the mystic answered, "and turn it into a nature sanctuary. That way, at least some part of the world will be safe from the ravages of man. It'll also be a good place to meditate and become one with the Universe. Anything left over I'll donate to help save Mother Earth!"

"Sounds pretty cool," the gentle giant nodded as a touching tune began to play in the background. "As for me, I'm gonna take my Momma back home to Jamaica. We had to move when I was little, but she's wanted to go back for years."

" _Aww_ ," Sammy cooed.

"You care about your mother _very_ deeply," Dawn said knowingly. "I'm sure she's quite happy to know you've been thinking of her so much."

"I hope so," DJ said with a light chuckle. "But anyway, what about you Sammy?" he turned to the third member of their group. "What are your plans for the money?"

"Oh, well," she blushed and rubbed her arm sheepishly, "this is kind of _embarrassing_ , but I'm not _exactly_ sure." At her friends' questioning looks she continued. "See, I really only signed up for Total Drama in the hopes that I'd be able to get away from my _sister_ for a few weeks, I never thought I'd _ever_ be able to win. But I guess if we _do_ get the money, maybe I should try to, like, move out or something? Although I guess the most _important_ thing is that I keep the money away from _Amy_."

"True that," DJ told her. "It doesn't seem like she'd _ever_ let you get away with having more money than her. Tryin' to get _away_ from her is the way to go."

"Oh yes," Dawn nodded. "But know that whatever you decide, we shall stand by your side no matter what!"

"Yeah," DJ added with a nod of his own.

Sammy blushed again and smiled. "Thanks! It really means a lot to me."

/

The shot cut to a very annoyed Scott as he stood at the top of the small cliff with Ezekiel, a hand shading his eyes while he scanned the surrounding area. The camera pulled back to show Beth, Beardo, and B running up to them, all three out of breath and the latter with a length of rope coiled around his shoulder.

"We finally... found you!" Beth declared, pointing accusingly at Scott and drawing both boys' attention. "Now give us back the case!"

Scott snorted. "It's a little too late for _that_ , sister. Scarlett already stole it from us!"

"W-what?" Beth stammered in surprise.

"How do we know you're tellin' us the _tr_ _uth_ _?_ " Beardo asked with a suspicious glare.

"Because if I still _had_ the case," Scott explained, "then I wouldn't still _be_ here, would I? But instead, that _brainiac_ blinded us and ran off with the money to who-knows- _w_ _here_ _!_ "

"Aww man," Beth complained while B kicked the ground and Beardo made a 'sad trombone' sound, "I really thought we _had_ it!"

"Well tough luck," Scott spat at them. "Now why don't you just go _a_ _way_ _!_ " The three frowned at him, but turned back anyway.

Once they were out of sight, Ezekiel gave the schemer a questioning look. "Why didn't you tell them she jumped off the cliff, eh? I mean, it was pretty obvious she landed in the river on account of the splash and all."

"And why _exactly_ should I give them a _clu_ _e_ _?_ " Scott replied in disbelief. "They're the _competit_ _ion_ _!_ And besides, we still have no _idea_ where Scarlett went after that. No point in risking _them_ finding her _first_."

Ezekiel tapped his chin in thought. "Yeah, I _guess_ that makes sense." Scott rolled his eyes.

/

A tense and fast-paced tune began immediately upon the scene moving back to Jo, Sierra, and Sugar; the suitcase still in the jock-ette's hand and the three still being pursued by both Scarlett and Amy. The odd team ducked behind a large bush and the camera moved to the opposite edge, the girls peeking out from behind it and watching Amy run past. They shared a smirk and the camera pulled out to show them doubling back the way they came.

The focus moved to Amy as she raced forward with a scowl that was rapidly becoming confused. It came to an apex just as she came upon a slightly off-looking piece of scenery... and promptly slammed face-first into a wall. She fell backwards with a bruise on her forehead and a generally less-kempt appearance, and stared upward at what she'd crashed into.

The camera zoomed out, revealing it to be an artificial backdrop, painted to give the appearance of the surrounding woodland. A video camera was mounted on top, a blinking red light indicating that it was recording.

"Wh- _wh_ _at_ _?_ " the cheerleader stammered, blinking and squinting and shaking her head rapidly from side to side. "Like, what _is_ this?!" She got back to her feet and cautiously knocked on the backdrop a few times, producing a distinctly wooden knock. "Oh em _gee_ ," she inhaled rapidly, "is this part of the forest, like, _fake_ or something?!" She gasped, and turned an angry look at the camera. "Does this mean _everything_ is fake? Like, you'd better _explain_ this to me, Chris, because it's obvious you're _hiding_ something! Because if I find out that-"

As she yelled, the camera pulled back and faded into the view from the monitor that Chris and Chef were watching. "Wow," the host said, "she looks _really peev_ _ed_ _!_ Think I'll just turn this _down_ a bit!" He held up a remote control and pressed a button; the icon that appeared on the monitor and Amy's rant suddenly losing sound despite her clearly moving her lips indicating that the feed had been muted.

"That's better," Chris said with a smile. "More pâté?" he asked, holding up a plate of the meaty dish with a knife sticking out of the top.

"Don't mind if I do," Chef answered, grabbing for the dish.

/

A flash took the scene back to Jo, Sierra, and Sugar as the chase's music resumed. "Looks like we managed to ditch that prissy _brat_!" the jock-ette said with a grin.

"Yeah," Sierra told her, "but I didn't see Scarlett go with her!"

"Maybe she took a wrong turn?" Sugar suggested.

"Well, as long as she isn't _here_ ," Jo the two. They kept running, but the camera panned ahead and zoomed in on a thick vine lying on the ground in front of them, each end leading into bushes on opposite sides of the path. It raised a few inches off the ground and pulled taut just as the three girls got to it; Jo's reflexes were fast enough that she jumped over it easily, but both Sierra and Sugar were tripped.

The jock-ette stopped running for a moment to look back at her fallen teammates in bewilderment. "What the-?"

"GIVE ME THE CASE!" Scarlett shouted, suddenly pouncing out from the bush closest to the camera. The jock-ette managed to step aside in time and the angry brainiac came to a rolling landing a few feet away.

"Uh...," Jo said, thinking quickly as she looked from her fallen partners the redhead, "sorry girls, but I can't let you hold me _back_ right now!" Jo told her teammates hastily. "Catch ya later!" She ran off without a second glance, and Scarlett quickly chased after her.

The camera continued to follow them until Jo came upon a large tree that had fallen and blocked the path. "Crap...," she muttered as she looked around for an alternate route.

"Not so _f_ _ast_ _!_ " a voice came from above, the camera cutting up to show Shawn swinging down on a vine, a grin on his face. He landed a strong kick to Jo's chest, knocking her down and causing her to drop the suitcase. " _I'll_ be taking _t_ _his_ _!_ " he announced confidently as he picked up the case, his grin faltering when he saw Scarlett approaching with an angry look on her face. He quickly jumped onto the log before she could grab him, and held the case above his head.

"Hey guys, _cat_ _ch_ _!_ " the survivalist shouted before tossing the coveted container above the confused heads of both Jo and Scarlett, the camera following it briefly as it sailed through the air and straight into Geoff and Bridgette's waiting arms.

"NO!" the jock-ette and brainiac yelled in unison, turning towards the blonde couple and giving Shawn the chance to scurry up into a nearby tree.

"I think we should get out of here!" Bridgette suggested as Jo and Scarlett charged.

"Oh yeah, I hear _th_ _at_ _!_ " Geoff agreed, and the two lovers turned and fled with the suitcase firmly in the party boy's hands.

xxx

"Man, with everyone bein' so _serious_ about gettin' the million," Geoff confessed in the outhouse, "I'm kinda havin' second thoughts about tryin' to run around on my ankle. Uh, not that it still _hurts_ or anything," he said quickly with a nervous glance around the enclosed space, "just that I don't wanna slow Bridge _d_ _own_ _!_ "

xxx

The shot cut back to Jo and Scarlett as they chased through the woods after the case, slamming and shoving one another in an obvious attempt to get rid of another rival. They were giving each other most of their own attention which allowed Jo to gain the upper hand by shoving Scarlett to the side an inch, causing her to trip over a root she hadn't noticed.

Jo's advantage was short-lived, however, as the brainiac immediately grabbed onto the cuff of her sweatpants with a cry of "NO!" The jock-ette was taken down, and Scarlett used the opportunity to scramble back to her feet and trample Jo further into the dirt, even going so far as to step on the other girl's head before bounding off into the woods.

xxx

"When the heck did _Red_ get so _determin_ _ed_ _?!_ " Jo asked the confessional camera in shock. "I mean _yeah_ , there a million bucks on the line, but she never struck me as the type to just take someone _down_ like that!"

xxx

Jo groaned and picked herself up off the ground. Scowling she quickly looked around the forest and slammed her fist into the ground. "Darn it! I _lost_ 'em!"

"Attention campers!" Chris' sudden voice over the loudspeakers turned the jock-ette's attention upwards. "The case is now with a couple of _winners_ who haven't actually _won_ anything yet. Oh, and they're headed towards _cam_ _p_ _!_ "

"Hmm, I guess the _Red Baroness_ hasn't caught up to Sharkbait and the other two yet," Jo muttered, stroking her chin in thought. "I guess I might as well go regroup with my _own_ team and try to head 'em off." Pursing her lips in determination, she turned around and ran off.

/

"Remind me again why we're running towards camp _before_ we get the case back?" Topher asked as he and Alejandro ran through the woods, a flustered Staci trailing behind them.

"Because then we can set up an _ambush_ for whoever _does_ have the case," Alejandro told him. "It's similar to what Scarlett planned to do by following someone likely to find the case first and steal it from them when they didn't expect it," he added, "except _better_. Why go to _them_ when we can let _them_ come to _u_ _s_ _?_ "

"I _thought_ it was something like that," Topher grinned. "And I gotta say, I _like_ the way you _thi_ _nk_ _!_ "

" _Ohhh_ ," Staci groaned behind them, "Scarlett's gonna be so _mad_ when she finds out I told you two her plan!"

/

The shot cut to a close-up of the video camera mounted on top of the forest backdrop Amy had stumbled upon. The cheerleader was shown rolling a log up to the base of the wall, then backed up a few yards and ran at it. Using the log as a stepping stone, she managed to jump and scramble up far enough to grab the top of the wall, and started to haul herself up with a series of grunts. The scene cut back to Chris and Chef as they watched on the monitors, the host taking a sip from a coconut in his hands and doing a spit-take.

"Uh, Chef, I think it's time you got out there!" the host said with panic on his face. The hulking cook quickly ran over to the red ATV parked nearby and drove off, and the scene moved back to Amy.

The point-of-view now on the opposite side of the barrier, the mean twin was shown pulling herself up far enough to get a look over. "Oh. Em. _G_ _ee_ _!_ " she said in shock, the camera zooming out to show her hanging at the top of a brick wall, the burger-topped menu board and ordering station of a fast-food joint visible in the foreground. "There was a _town_ with other _people_ here all _alo_ _ng_ _?_ "

Just then, a red pick-up truck with the window rolled down and driven by a large bearded black man pulled up. "May I take your order?" a squeaky-voiced employee asked through the menu board's speaker.

"Umm, _yea_ _h_ _!_ " Amy shouted, interrupting the actual patron as he opened his mouth. "I've had _enough_ of that Chef's crappy _cooking_ , so-" She was cut off when a hanging microphone hit her head, causing her to growl and look up angrily. "Uhh, _excuse m_ _e_ _?_ You did _not_ just hit me with that thing."

The camera zoomed up and out to show her addressing a nervous-looking white man - the same person who had taken the suitcase away from the Playa at the start of the episode – sitting in the basket of an orange-and-red hot air balloon. Amy growled and grabbed the microphone by the cord it was attached to, and began to pull the balloon down with it. "Uhh, Chris?" the nervous young man frantically said into a walkie-talkie. "We have a situation here!"

"Bail! Bail!" Chris responded in a panic, shown first at his spot by the monitors before the shot cut back to the balloon, the host's voice coming over the walkie-talkie. "Abort! Abort!" The young man did as he was ordered, jumping from the balloon just as Amy climbed into the basket.

"Well now," the mean girl said while grabbing the handle for the burner valve and adopting a savage grin, "Looks like I'm finally gonna show those _Samey-lovers_ who the better sister _really_ is!" She pulled the handle, activating the burner and causing the balloon to ascend – the microphone still dangling out of the basket.

/

The shot cut to Sierra and Sugar walking through the forest together, the taller girl with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. "I can't believe she _ditched_ us like that," she muttered,

"Well," Sugar told her, "she _did_ say she might double-cross us at some point." Sierra sniffed and looked away, and it was then that the pageant queen spotted something off-camera. "Well, speak of the devil! Look who came back to us!"

"I'm glad I found you two!" Jo said, the viewpoint shifting to show her running up to her former partners. " _Zombie Boy_ managed to steal the money from me, then passed it on to Miss Second Place and her boy-toy."

"So?" Sierra huffed. "I thought you didn't _need_ _us_ anymore."

"I didn't think I _did_ ," Jo told her bluntly. "But more _importantly_ , I do _now_. Because as strong as I _am_ , I'm not gonna risk going up against three people without _back-up_. So whaddaya say?" She stuck out a hand palm-down and expectantly, but was met with stoney silence from Sierra and Sugar. " _Fine_ ," she grumbled, smacking her face with her other hand, "I promise I'll give you a cut of the money if you manage to keep up with me all the way back to the docks, okay? And I won't try to get out of it by tripping you or something."

"Sounds good to me," Sugar said with a shrug, putting he hand on top of Jo's.

The two girls looked at Sierra expectantly. "Well," she said uncertainly, "since you _promised_... I guess I'll keep helping you." She started to place her hand with the others, but paused a few inches away and turned a sharp glare towards Jo. "But you'd _better_ keep it, okay? I may not seem like it, but I'm _not_ someone to be messed with."

Both Jo and Sugar raised an eyebrow at her. "Uhh, yeah, sure, you can count on it," Jo told her.

"Good," Sierra said, placing her hand with theirs and smiling.

/

"Uh, are you sure about this?" DJ asked as the scene moved to him and Sammy being led by Dawn towards the boathouse. "I mean, I think Chris woulda _said_ something if the case was on the water."

"Maybe," Sammy said. "Although the last couple clues seem like they were probably more about _who_ has the case instead of where the case _is_."

"Huh, didn't think about it like that," DJ considered, rubbing his soul patch in thought. "But still, you gotta admit he coulda said _somethin'_ if the case ended up on a boat or floatin' downstream or whatever."

"Friends," Dawn said suddenly as they came to the already-opened boathouse, "I know it might be hard to believe, but please _trust_ me on this. The natural energies of the forest have been flowing towards this spot for some time now, and I'm _sure_ the Universe wants us to look for the case from the water."

DJ and Sammy looked at each other and shrugged. "Well, if you're sure about it," the gentle giant told her before the three entered the boathouse.

It was just as cluttered and dusty as when Sammy and DJ had seen it a couple weeks ago, and the eyes of the two wandered around the room as Dawn walked forward determinedly. "I think _that_ should do nicely," the mystic said, pointing to a group of several orange and green canoes hanging on the back wall.

As she and DJ went to take a green one down, the cheerleader looked closely at what appeared to be a spare set of brackets for the canoes to be hung on. She ran a finger along it and furrowed her brow, muttering "No dust?" Her eyes popped open in realization and she turned her head to her teammates as they turned the green canoe they'd procured and started to walk back towards the exit. "Hey, I think someone might have taken a canoe _before_ us!"

"Really?" the gentle giant asked.

"I suppose this place _does_ have a certain... _disturbed_ quality to it," Dawn said with another glance around.

"Huh, maybe someone really _did_ take the case out on the lake," DJ said. "Good catch, Sammy! And I'm sorry I doubted you, Dawn."

"No worries," the petite young woman said happily. "I know you only wanted to be sure we were spending our time wisely."

"Wow, maybe we really _do_ have a shot at this!" Sammy said excitedly as she rejoined her friends and together they exited with their canoe.

/

The camera cut back to the case before zooming out and showing it still in Geoff's hand as he, Bridgette, and Shawn ran through the forest.

"Do you have _any_ idea where you're going?" Shawn asked.

"Not really, dude!" Geoff answered.

"Wait, then why are we _following_ you?" Bridgette said, and the three skidded to a halt.

"Uh, good _question_ ," the party boy told them with a scratch of his head.

Shawn quickly looked around. "Hold on, I think we're still on the western part of the island, so we should head _this_ way!" He pointed to his right and the three turned to run again, but were stopped after only a few paces.

"Not so _fas_ _t_ _!_ " Jo announced as she appeared on top of a large boulder, flanked by Sugar and Sierra, all three girls with their hands on their hips and stern expressions. "You'd better hand over that case if you know what's _good_ for you!"

"No way!" Bridgette told the jock-ette. "We deserve this money just as much as you, if not more!"

Jo grimaced and said "Fine, be that way. Ladies," she looked left at Sierra, who crossed her arms, and right at Sugar, who chuckled and cracked her knuckles, "looks like we have to do this the _hard way_. CHARGE!" she raised an arm and jumped off their perch, her teammates following suit as they ran screaming at the competition.

"Oh crap," Bridgette said as her eyes went wide, " _r_ _un_ _!_ " In her panic she turned and ran straight into her stunned boyfriend, knocking them both to the ground and accidentally causing the million-dollar suitcase to go flying up into the air – and straight back down onto Geoff's left ankle. He let out a pained cry just before as Jo, Sierra, and Sugar stampeded over them, Shawn only just managing to roll out of their way in time. The camera lingered on the case as it was picked up by the jock-ette, and the three girls ran off.

"Uh, are you two... okay?" Shawn asked nervously once the dust settled. Bridgette and Geoff groaned, and the surfer was the first to pick her messed-up, scuffed, and well-trampled self off the ground.

"I'll be fine in a minute...," she said wearily. "But I guess they got the case back, huh?"

"Yeah," the bald survivalist said, "but that's not _all_ that happened – look!" He pointed at the fallen party boy as he groaned in pain, the camera zooming in as he clutched his left ankle, now quite swollen and red.

"Geoff!" Bridgette gasped, quickly getting to his side and grabbing his hand. "Are you... are you alright? Does it hurt?"

"N-not _that_ much," the party lover said feebly as he sat up reached for the injured joint – the moment he touched it he let out another yelp of pain.

"Oh no, I think it might be _broke_ _n_ _!_ " the surfer said worriedly. "What are we gonna do?"

Shawn bit his lip nervously, and the scene faded to black.

/

(Fade to Commercial and Back)

/

The footage faded back in to a shot of the thousand-foot-high cliff before zooming in on its slope and showing Jo, Sierra, and Sugar charging uphill with the case in the jock-ette's grip. They reached the peak, and stopped to catch their breath.

"Why... why'd we come up here, anyways?" Sugar asked, still panting even while her teammates had recovered. "It don't _lead_ anywhere!"

"So we could give them the slip by diving into the lake," Jo answered. "Although it doesn't look like they followed us."

" _They_ didn't" Sierra said nervously, "but something else _di_ _d_ _!_ " She pointed behind back the way they'd come from, and the camera panned over to reveal a growling brown bear walking towards them. The background music became tense but soft as the three young women were forced up to the edge of the cliff by the advancing predator, a small rock falling loose when Jo's foot finally reached then end.

"Looks like we have no choice, girls," she told her partners in a serious tone. "It's time we jumped." The camera cut to the growling bear, then Sierra as she gulped, and Sugar as beads of sweat began to form on her forehead. "On three," Jo commanded. "One... Two...," the three girls got into position but kept their eyes on the bear, "THREE!"

First Jo, then Sierra, then Sugar, the three young women hopped off the cliff, and the camera followed them as they plunged towards the lake below.

Until, that is, they passed off-screen. "What the?!" Jo shouted, and moments later a large red balloon floated up into the shot; its bottom edge was trimmed with orange and, more importantly, attached to a basket with a grinning Amy inside. Jo's right arm had gotten tangled up in the microphone cord still dangling below, Sierra had grabbed onto the jock-ette's waist, and Sugar was hanging on to the fangirl's feet.

"Hey," Amy called down to the other three girls, "if you let me have that _case_ I'll pull you _up_!"

"No deal!" Jo shouted angrily, the case in question still in her left hand.

"Not to cause a _fuss_ or anythin'," Sugar interrupted nervously, "but I'm _slipp_ _in'_ _!_ " The camera zoomed in on Sierra's green shoes, and sure enough Sugar's grip on them was failing.

"Quick, pull yourself up!" Sierra told her.

"I'll try," the pageant queen replied, reaching her right hand up to grab the tall girl's pant leg.

The camera cut back to her left hand just as it slid off the toes of Sierra's shoe, and Sugar plummeted to the water below with a cry of "Crud muffins!" all the way down.

/

The shot quickly panned down to the water around the base of the cliff, where the goal buoys from the first challenge of the series were still set up. Rowing into the scene on an orange canoe were none other than Scott and Ezekiel, who heard the hollering from above them and looked up.

"The heck is _that_...?" Scott said as he squinted at the shadow descending from above.

Ezekiel's eyes popped open in surprise. "Yo, we gotta move outta the way!" he said, quickly grabbing his oar. Scott followed suit with a look of terror on his face, but they were unable to move in time before Sugar landed on their canoe, breaking it in half and causing a large splash.

"Great...," Scott muttered as he, Ezekiel, and Sugar resurfaced and held onto the splintered remains of the canoe.

/

"Oopsie!" Amy said with a gleeful smile as she looked over the edge of the basket. "Looks like you _really_ should've given me that case _sooner_!" She opened the burner valve, causing the balloon to ascend all the way to the top of the cliff. The bear had been waiting there, but scampered away when the balloon came too close.

"She could've _die_ _d_ _!_ " Sierra told her. "Don't you even _ca_ _re_ _?!_ "

"Umm, _n_ _o_ _!_ " the cheerleader answered matter-of-factly. "All I want is the _money_ , who cares about any of _yo_ _u_ _?_ "

"Well you're not gonna _get_ it!" Jo shot at her. "And _I'm_ not gonna go _dow_ _n_ _!_ " Clenching the handle of the suitcase between her teeth, she began to climb up the microphone cord.

"Oh yeah?" Amy countered, grabbing the valve handle and using it to cause the balloon to descend below the treetops, causing Jo and Sierra to be hit with pine branches and, as revealed when the camera panned down, the dangling microphone to get tangled around the brown bear's leg, dragging it along for the ride as well.

The camera focused on Sierra's needle-covered face as she frowned and looked down, her eyes popping open in shock and fear. "BEAR!" she screamed, raising her legs up as the snared and snarling bear began to climb up the cord.

/

The tense music faded out as the scene cut to Sam and Dakota walking through the woods at a leisurely pace.

"Like, where _are_ we, anyway?" Dakota asked. "We've been walking around for hours, and my feet are really _sore_..."

"Hmm, good question," Sam responded with a nervous chuckle. "Uhh, I'm pretty sure camp is around here _somewhere_..."

The lovers paused and looked around, and Dakota spotted something through the bushes – a young moose trying to reach a branch. "Aww, it's _ador_ _able_ _!_ " the heiress squealed. "I _want_ one! Do you think it's for sale?" she asked her boyfriend in earnest.

"Uhh, I don't think you can _buy_ wild animals," Sam told her, rubbing the back of his head.

xxx

"Man, that _Dakota_ ," the gamer chuckled in the confessional. "Beauty, charm, and enough money to give her absolutely _no_ concept of what she can't have." He sighed dreamily, then stared at the camera awkwardly after a moment. "How can one guy be so _lucky_ , and at the same time have so much _work_ cut out for him?"

xxx

"Well that's no _good_ ," Dakota pouted, stepping into the clearing. "But if I can't _buy_ one, does that mean I can just, like, _take_ one?" She smirked impishly and tiptoed up to the moose as it tried to jump for the branch just out of reach.

"Uhh, I _really_ don't think you should do that," Sam told her in rising alarm as he followed after her.

"Pfft, I'll be _fine_ ," she told him dismissively. "After all, _this_ little cutie-pie isn't gonna hurt me!" She winked at the moose calf and gently put a hand on its head.

The unexpected touch startled it, and it bleated in alarm. "Uhh, _that_ little cutie-pie might not," the gamer announced with a worried look, "but _that_ one sure will!" The camera followed his pointing finger over to a large and angry-looking bull moose, which snorted at the couple.

The footage skipped ahead to show Sam and Dakota running and screaming away from the angry moose.

/

"The case is almost at the campground!" Chris announced over the loudspeaker. "Get your _butts_ in gear, people, it's a million _big one_ _s_ _!_ " The fast-paced and tense music resumed as the shot cut to Shawn and Bridgette carrying Geoff through the woods at an awkward pace, the survivalist holding him under the armpits from behind while the surfer carried his legs in front.

"Come on guys, we have to hurry!" Bridgette said.

"You two should just leave me behind," Geoff cried, "I'm only slowing you down!"

"Not _this_ time," Shawn told him. "I said we were gonna split the money, and I _meant_ it!"

It was then that Chef drove up alongside them on the red ATV. "Hey! Any of you _punks_ seen a hot air balloon go by?" he asked gruffly, stopping as they did. "Amy took it from one of our cameramen."

" _Amy_ has a _hot air balloo_ _n_ _?!_ " Bridgette said in disbelief.

"Aww man," Geoff said as Shawn lifted him up onto his girlfriend's back, "how the heck are we gonna beat _tha_ _t_ _?!_ "

"She's got the _case_ , too," Chef informed them. "On her way to the finish line." The shot briefly cut to Shawn, showing him pick up a large club-like stick off the ground. "If I had to bet on _anyone_ ," the cook continued, "I'd put my-" He was cut off by a blow to the back of the neck courtesy of Shawn, who frowned as the hulking man fell to the ground.

Geoff and Bridgette winced while Shawn hopped onto the ATV and drove it past them. "Hop on!" he told them. "This is our last shot at winning that million!"

/

"Aww, even after all that we _still_ couldn't find them!" Beth groaned as she, Beardo, and B trudged through the forest, the length of rope still coiled around the silent boy's shoulder.

"Guess we just gotta head back to camp and hope for the best," the beatboxer said in a tired voice. The silent genius nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, I hope we can make it back before someone wins," the wannabe added.

A cry of "RUUUNNN!" coming up behind them got their attention, and the trio stopped in their tracks and looked back just in time to see Dakota and Sam running for their lives.

"From _w_ _hat_ _?_ " Beth asked in confusion moment before her teammates' eyes went wide and Beardo made a series of alarmed dings. She gasped and the three began to flee as well, and the angry bull moose appeared moments later in chase.

/

The scene cut to the balloon drifting over the campgrounds, Amy still in the basket while Jo, Sierra, and the brown bear clung to the dangling microphone cord.

"It's getting _clo_ _ser_ _!_ " Sierra shouted in a panic as she clung to Jo, who was steadily climbing upwards at a rate distinctly slower than the other uninvited hanger-on. The bear growled and swiped at Sierra's butt, tearing away a small piece of her jeans and exposing part of the girl's pale pink underwear; she gasped and screamed, then started to rapidly kick the bear in the face. The beast was shown getting hit with each blow until eventually, battered and dazed, it let go of the microphone cord and fell to the trees below.

"Impressive!" Jo told her partner with a genuine smile as she grabbed the edge of the basket and hauled both her and Sierra up. "Didn't think you had it in you to beat a bear like that! I guess I made the right call adding you to my team after all."

"Oh yeah, _real impressive_ ," Amy said sarcastically as the two young women entered the basket with her. "Now give me the case!" she shouted, making a grab for the coveted item in the jock-ette's hand.

"No way, sister!" Jo replied, holding the case at arm's length as the cheerleader struggled to get at it. Sierra quickly joined in, pushing against the mean twin alongside her teammate.

The camera cut to the beach below as DJ, Dawn, and Sammy rowed up in their canoe, eyes fixed on the scene unfolding above.

"Dude, is that a _hot air ballo_ _on_ _?!_ " DJ exclaimed.

"And the _ca_ _se_ _!_ " Sammy gasped, pointing upwards.

"Oh, I _knew_ the Universe wanted us on the water for a reason!" Dawn added. The three quickly hopped out of their beached canoe and ran into camp.

/

The background music calmed down as the camera cut to the interior of the communal washroom, focusing on Alejandro as he peeked out of the door. "Well, there's certainly _something_ going on out there," he said, turning around to address Topher.

"I suppose now's a good time to go out and do our _thing_ , right Al?" Topher told him, not noticing the brief twinge in the charmer's eyes.

"Ooh, can I come with you?" Staci asked, surprising the two boys by bursting out of a stall wrapped up in toilet paper. "I bet I could be _loads_ of help, yah."

"I thought you said she was _dealt w_ _ith_ _!_ " Alejandro whispered to his teammate.

"I did the best I could!" Topher whispered back pleadingly.

"Ah, yes, certainly," Alejandro, clearing his throat, finally told the girl. "Just, ah, wait here, and let us go out first!"

Staci nodded eagerly, and the two young men turned for the door.

They opened it to see a large angry bear standing on its hind leg, which immediately roared at them. They screamed and slammed the door shut.

"What's wrong?" Staci asked them in confusion. Alejandro and Topher shared a look, then looked back at the tied-up girl in front of them.

The viewpoint shifted outside, showing the bear giving the door of the communal bathrooms a confused look. It recoiled in surprise when Staci was suddenly shoved out of the building, then roared and swiped a claw at her, removing her toilet paper wrappings. The girl screamed and ran, the bear followed, and Alejandro and Topher dashed out of the building a few moments later and headed in the opposite direction.

/

"Attention campers!" Chris announced, once again via the camp's loudspeakers. "The case is still in play! Don't give up now!"

/

A flash took the focus to Lightning, running through the forest with a determined expression but looking rather beat-up. "Dang _alligator_ ," he muttered to himself. "Now Lightning's gotta find a way to get back in the game, and fast!" He spotted something nearby, and the camera panned over to show the Arts and Crafts Center.

"Hold up," the uber-jock said, skidding to a halt in front of the shack, "ain't this where..." The camera's point-of-view moved to inside the small building as Lightning kicked the door open, stared for a moment, and broke into a grin. "Now that's more _like i_ _t_ _!_ " he exclaimed excitedly as the viewpoint moved back over his shoulder, showing the gleaming red-and-chrome motorcycle that had been stored inside the Arts and Crafts Center.

"Just gotta find the sha-key," the jock said as he began to look around the room, moving things aside and tossing them behind him until he found a small brass key hidden under a coffee can. He held it up to his grinning face, and the footage skipped forward to him putting it in the ignition.

Its engine roared to life. "Sha- _ye_ _ah_ _!_ " Lightning cheered, hopping on the bike and turning it to the shack's open door.

/

" _Finally_ ," Scott said as he, Ezekiel, and Sugar walked into the area just beyond the campfire pit. "I thought we were _goners_ when Miss Country _Cannonball_ hit us."

"Well, it's not like I _wanted_ to fall on the two of you," Sugar explained. "I couldn't help it! My hands were gettin' all _sweat_ _y_ _!_ If anything, it's those _other_ girls' fault for not pullin' me _up_."

"Yeah, yeah," Scott sneered, " _whatever_. The point is that we're lucky to still even _have_ a chance at the million."

"We just gotta figure out who has the case, eh," Ezekiel said, "and then take it from 'em before they get to the dock."

"Easier _said_ than _done_ ," the farmer griped.

"Aww, cheer up!" the pageant queen said happily, putting an arm around his shoulder. "We just gotta find that _balloon_ again, and then, uh, find a way to get up to it I guess!"

"Great...," Scott muttered.

/

The footage cut back to Alejandro and Topher as they dashed across the campgrounds away from the communal bathrooms, only looking back when they heard a large amount of screaming. The two pretty boys ducked behind the cabin as Dakota, Sam, Beth, Beardo, B, and the angry moose came running into the scene once again, the camera moving off the shocked young men to follow the chase.

"Look!" Sam shouted, pointing ahead to a large picnic table set up in the middle of their path. "Maybe we can use it as cover!"

"I really _hope_ so!" Dakota said, and she was the first to duck underneath the table. Sam followed, as did Beth and Beardo, but B – still carrying a sizable length of rope – was lagging behind. The moose caught up to him and lowered its head, catching the large boy on its antlers but in doing so failing to spot the picnic table or the four cowering beneath it. The moose crashed into it, tumbling forward with B and causing the table to flip over, leaving the teens who had been using it as shelter exposed on top of it.

The camera pulled back to show Sugar, Scott, and Ezekiel approaching the scene. "Oh man," the pageant queen chuckled, "that was _awes_ _ome_ _!_ Like one of those videos people send in to be on TV!"

"Too bad for _you_ ," Scott sneered at the dazed five, "but it looks like that's five less people to worry about _winni_ _ng_ _!_ " The three began to laugh, and as they did so the camera focused in on the moose as it woke up with B still seemingly unconscious on its back and one end of the rope tangled in its antlers.

"Uh, guys?" Ezekiel said in growing alarm as the moose got back to its feet, spotted the three humans, and snorted. "I think we'd better start runnin', eh!" His exclamation forced a stop to his current partners' laughter, and they ran screaming as the moose began to charge again.

The camera cut to Beth as the commotion caused her, Beardo, Sam, and Dakota to stir. She quickly spotted the other end of B's rope which had been caught under the flipped table, followed it to her friend on the moose's back, and gasped. "Oh no! We have to save him!" she cried, quickly grabbing onto the rope.

Beardo joined her, and when the moose got running again it was unwittingly pulling the upside-down table along behind it like a sled. The cries of the three being chased along with the four being dragged were enough to wake B up, and he immediately grabbed the neck of the moose and hung on as tight as he could.

Amy, Jo, and Sierra were shown watching the commotion from the balloon's basket, at an apparent loss for words as the bizarre procession chased all over the campgrounds. They went past the docks, forcing the trio of DJ, Dawn, and Sammy to make a diving retreat to the beach, then circled around the mess hall and headed back in front of the cabin where Alejandro and Topher quickly scrambled up onto the guarded porch to get out of the way.

The three in the balloon were shown again as they resumed their struggle for the briefcase still in Jo's hand. A sudden yelp from Sierra gave them pause as she looked over her shoulder and saw a splattering of blue paint on her lower back. Another sharp yelp came moments later, this time from Amy as her bare midriff got painted blue as well.

"Hey, watch it!" Jo spat when she took the third hit in her left shoulder, and the three young women immediately began to try find their assailant while defending themselves from the shots that kept coming. One hit the lip of the basket, and the next two hit the burner to no effect, before the camera finally panned over to the roof of the mess hall to show none other than Scarlett standing with a green paintball gun in her hands and a frown on her face.

"Curses," she spat as she dropped her weapon, "it seems I wasn't able to jam the venting mechanism. It seems I'll have to take them down with a _different_ type of projectile after all." She pulled out an orange pistol, the camera moving to the point-of-view looking down its barrel as it was pointed first at the girls in the basket, and then up to the balloon. The camera cut back to a sideview of Scarlett as she shot, then panned up to Amy, Jo, and Sierra as they ducked into the basket.

"Hah!" Jo shouted, standing up a moment after the shot was taken. "You _miss_ _ed_ _!_ " Scarlett said nothing, and took another shot.

"Uhh, I don't think she was aiming for _us_ ," Sierra announced in growing alarm. "Look!" she added, pointing up. The camera panned up to the side of the balloon, showing two distinct holes in the envelope leaking air to the outside. Scarlett was shown firing again before the scene quickly cut back just in time to catch a purple-fletched dart pierce a third hole in the side of the balloon.

"We're going down!" Amy gasped in realization, the camera zooming out to show the balloon descending a little bit past the main campgrounds. "Quick, give me the case!" the cheerleader said, making another grab for the coveted prize in the distracted jock-ette's hand.

"No way!" Jo shouted, and the struggle resumed as their vessel rapidly drew closer and closer to the earth.

/

The tense and fast-paced background music continued to play as the point-of-view cut to Shawn, Bridgette, and Geoff as they rode through the woods on the red ATV they'd stolen from Chef. As soon as they were past the trees they looked up and saw the partially-deflated hot air balloon coming right for them and screamed. Amy, Jo, and Sierra screamed as well, but the trio on the four-wheeler managed to duck under the basket.

And subsequently caught their heads on the lip of the balloon when they sat back up again. The sudden impact yanked the balloon forward a few feet, tipping the basket over in the process before Shawn lost his grip on the handlebars and the ATV sped off from beneath him. The balloon draped over the basket and six campers, and the impact with the ground had finally knocked the suitcase out of Jo's hand – it landed a foot or so away from the deflated balloon.

The camera quickly panned over to the still-running four-wheeler, which began to swerve slightly without a person to control it. It's new path took it straight towards the brown bear that had chased Staci into the branches of a nearby tree, and with it distracted by its quarry it couldn't dodge out of the way. After a brief cutaway to Staci wincing from above, the bear was revealed to have been forcibly mounted upon the ATV. It shot the camera a confused look before speeding out of sight.

Back on the roof of the mess hall, Scarlett smirked and dropped her tranquilizer gun. She slid down the roof and hit the ground with a roll into a run towards the fallen balloon. She slid to a stop in front of the suitcase, picking it up quickly before turning around and sprinting towards the Dock of Shame. "At last!" she exclaimed. "Victory is mine!"

The camera immediately cut back to the balloon wreckage as Jo stuck her head out of the deflated fabric. "Not yet it isn't!" she yelled, scrambling out into the open and sprinting after the brainiac. Scarlett looked back and growled in annoyance, but she wasn't able to keep Jo from closing the ground between them. The jock-ette tackled Scarlett, sending both girls to the ground just past the communal bathrooms. The case, naturally, was wrenched from the redhead's grip, and tumbled towards the Dock of Shame. Alejandro and Topher noticed and ran after it, quickly followed by the two girls involved with the fumble.

Another cut took the focus back to the eight campers involved with the moose – three still being chased, one still riding, and the last four being dragged along on an upside-down picnic table, all of them screaming to the best of their abilities.

"SHA-YEAH!" an excited cry sounded, momentarily stopping the screaming as Lightning, on top of the roaring flame-detailed motorcycle he'd found earlier, crashed into the open right between the trio of Sugar, Scott, and Ezekiel and their antlered pursuer.

/

"What the-" Chris said, doing his second spit-take of the day in front of the monitors back at Playa Des Losers.

"My bike!" Chef Hatchet exclaimed, standing up out of his seat. "I _knew_ I shoulda hidden that _key_ better!" He took off with a scowl on his face, leaving Chris to linger at the monitors. His look of shock faded into a grin as he pumped his fist, then followed after the cook.

/

Sugar, Scott, and Ezekiel jumped to the side as the motorcycle flew past and the moose skidded to a stop long enough to glare at Lightning and change course, bringing five teens along for the ride.

The camera followed the uber-jock as he shot a bewildered look over his shoulder, then became even more surprised when he looked forward again. The viewpoint changed to show that he was rapidly approaching the fallen hot air balloon; several people seemed to be struggling beneath the fabric but one had already managed to free herself.

" _AM_ _Y_ _?!_ " Lightning shouted in surprise at the sight of his former partner standing in his path with part of the balloon held over her head.

" _LIGHTNIN_ _G_ _?!_ " Amy echoed, quickly rolling out of the way of her lover's stolen ride, and in doing so causing the part of the balloon she had been raising to catch on his head.

Unlike Shawn before him the overachiever kept his grip on the handlebars, and the motorcycle's engine was powerful enough to drag the entire wrecked balloon behind him – including Sierra, Shawn, Bridgette, and Geoff together in the basket.

They were followed by the ever-angry moose being ridden by B and dragging Beth, Beardo, Dakota, and Sam behind it.

The camera cut back to the case as it kept tumbling towards and along the Dock of Shame, chased initially by Alejandro, Topher, Scarlett, and Jo until it got closer to the beach at which point Dawn, Sammy, and DJ joined the pursuit down the docks.

The motorcycle, balloon, and moose reached the beginning of the docks as well, Lightning's blindness causing him to hit one of the supports and go flying as the four still in the basket of the balloon kept sliding forward. The moose came to a similar stop, bucking B off its back – and because of their grip on the rope that was still mostly around B's shoulder, Beth and Beardo flew forward as well while the upturned table carrying Sam and Dakota merely slowed to a stop. The eight who had lost their rides crashed into the seven who had been running at the end of the Dock of Shame just as they caught up with the million-dollar suitcase, and as the tense background music finally peaked the entire group was sent crashing into the lake.

Watching the scene from the helicopter, Chris and Chef winced.

Scarlett surfaced first, and looked around with desperation on her face.

The camera cut to the case floating on the lake, and it was promptly swallowed whole by a man-eating freshwater shark. A gull swimming nearby pointed a wing and laughed, and only to be eaten itself moments later.

"Great!" Jo shouted angrily. " _Now wh_ _at_ _?!_ "

The sound of footsteps on the dock got her attention, and the camera panned over to show the helicopter landing on the dock and the two adults hopping out. Chef immediately ran back up the pier and out of sight, while Chris stepped towards the fifteen floating campers – B and Beardo and Beth; Lightning and Sammy and Dawn and DJ; Sierra and Jo and Alejandro and Topher; Scarlett and Shawn and Bridgette and Geoff.

" _Soooo_ ," Chris told them with an angry look, "you lost the case! _Waaaaay_ to _gooo_. I didn't wanna have to _do_ this," he put his hands on his hips, "but since none of the fifteen of you _officially won_ , you all officially _tie_. Which means," he grinned and held up a single finger, "you will all have _another_ shot at winning the million dollars!" He paused as they cheered off-camera before holding up another finger and adding "In season _tw_ _o_ _!_ "

xxx

"Season _tw_ _o_ _?_ " Alejandro asked, raising an eyebrow at the outhouse camera.

xxx

"Does he mean we have to go through all of that _ag_ _ain_ _?_ " Shawn added.

xxx

"Oh em gee, I'm so _excit_ _ed_ _!_ " Sierra squealed. "I get to spend _another_ season with _Chris McLe_ _an_ _!_ This is so _excit_ _ing_ _!_ " Her face fell after a moment before she added "I hope I'll be able to update my _blogs_ first..."

xxx

"Really?" Sammy asked the host cautiously. "Because I don't really _remember_ anything about a season two in the _contract_..."

"Well then," Chris told her, "you shoulda looked more closely. It's called the _fine_ print – _read_ it, _live_ it, _love_ it!" He pointed finger pistols at the contestants, then the air, then waggled his fingers and formed a heart as he finished speaking.

"Ooh, good one, Chris!" Topher told the host with a grin. " _Gotta_ love the fine print."

The focus moved back to the dock as Chris addressed the seven campers not in the lake: Staci, Sugar, Ezekiel, and Scott; Sam and Dakota; and Amy who only just arrived. "As for the rest of you," Chris told them, "your treasure hunt ends _he_ _re_ _!_ " He crossed his arms and gave them a smug look. "Along with all your _hopes_ of ever winning _any_ money off of being on this show!" Scott and Sugar glared at him as he continued to speak.

"The good news, though," the camera cut back to his wide grin, "you'll be watching _all_ the action on season two, _from_ the _side_ _lines_ _!_ "

"Hey!" Amy protested. "How come _Samey_ gets to be on season two and not _m_ _e_!"

"Tut, tut, _tut_!" Chris told her impishly. " _Fine pri_ _nt_ _!_ "

xxx

"Samey is _not_ gonna get away with this," Amy said in the confessional. "And neither is the _show_. They were in _enough_ trouble _already_ , but _no_ _w_ _?_ Now they're _really_ gonna see why _I'm_ the better sister."

xxx

Beardo opened his confessional with an extended remix of a certain video game's victory music. "Oh yeeeaaaahhh," he finally said, adopting a rhythm to his words as he continued. "Another chance to, show off my skills in new, situations. _Excellent_." He resumed beatboxing before the footage cut to static.

xxx

"Aww, I can't believe we missed out on the new _season_ _!_ " Dakota pouted, sharing the outhouse seat with her boyfriend.

"Well, at least we won't have to go through all the _challenges_." Sam told her.

"Yeah," the heiress replied, "but how am I gonna get more _camera tim_ _e_ _?_ I don't think I'm _famous_ enough yet!"

"Don't worry," the gamer answered, "I'm sure you'll think of _something_. If anyone knows how to work the camera, it's _you_."

"Aww," Dakota blushed, "thanks!"

xxx

The footage cut back in to Lightning grinning in the water as a faint drumline began in the background. "Oh yeah!" he cheered. "One more sha-chance at the gold, and this time, Lightning's goin' _all_ the way to the endzone!"

"This is _so_ exciting," Beth lisped to her friend. "I think we could really _win_ it this time, right Beardo?"

"Right on!" the hairy boy told her. "That million's as good as _ou_ _rs_ _!_ "

"In exactly _two days_ ," Chris McLean announced as the deep and exciting music used for recap segments began to play, "you will all report to a _brand-new_ location, for a _whole new_ challenge! _And_ , the last one standing will receive _one million dolla_ _rs_ _!_ " He threw his arms up dramatically, then pointed straight at the camera. "So don't forget to tune in," he held up a film slate and raised the clapstick, "to Total! Drama! _Act_ _ion_ _!_ " On the final word, he clapped the stick and grinned.

(Fade to Credits)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even now I still love this chapter. It's long, it's complicated, and it was a challenge to write, sure, but it was also loads of fun, gave everyone a fair amount of screentime regardless of their roles in this season or next, and led in to next season's cast very well.
> 
> The cast, of course, consists of Alejandro, B, Beardo, Beth, Bridgette, Dawn, DJ, Geoff, Jo, Lightning, Sammy, Scarlett, Shawn, Sierra, and Topher. Now, those of you who remember canon Action may be wondering why I have increased the starting cast size to 15 instead of the original 14. The answer lies with a ff.net reviewer named Impoik and the responses I gave to some of their reviews at the time I was planning out the eliminations for season two.
> 
> Long story short, Izzy having two eliminations in canon posed a problem as I had nobody in the cast to replicate that event, and the reviewer in some roundabout way I no longer remember caused me to decide to give one of the planned 'one-season wonders' another shot at the competition in order to fill the slot E-Scope left behind. That camper was B, it turns out, so he became the fifteenth cast member for Total Shuffled Action.
> 
> Anyway, as I said, this chapter was a blast to write. Lots of great interactions both old and new, stuff to set up future seasons, and what I hope is a great read even today.
> 
> It's been a blast revisiting this series of mine, dear readers, and I want to thank everyone who has left a comment on this version – even with a completed fic, it's always such a boost to read people's thoughts. I'll be posting Total Shuffled Action soon enough, so make sure you look forward to it!
> 
> Until then!
> 
> \- Fangren


End file.
